flume

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Everything posted by flume

  1. Good stuff! See you in a month peeps.
  2. Love is love's mystique
  3. @ivankiss Late to the party but I still wanted to share a few thoughts here. So many good answers already. You might enjoy reading ‘The Road Less Travelled’ by M. Scott Peck. It’s a beautiful book about love, about what it means to invest in people and what a deep commitment it is to decide on growing together. It might reframe your definition of love a bit (relationship-wise) and it can help to pick up on certain patterns in relationships that are very common. In a way I feel like wanting pure relationships means learning to be in this world again. Relationships are often messy and they require a lot of work. Notice if you’re just imagining some kind of ‘perfect’, effortless state of being together. As an act of love, for you and the other, exercise your masculine. Love is also moving on. Love is knowing when to let go. Even when your heart is breaking in the process… Lastly, no excuses for being who you truly are. Let your light shine bright. It might seem at times that there’s no one out there for you but… I don’t know… Trust. At least that’s what I’m trying to do. Take care!
  4. Not trying to offend you but a lot of what you’re writing here is reminding me of my younger self. Let’s see if this rings a bell: You’re often with guys that are somewhat depressed and have pretty low self esteem. They’re unusual, outcasts with some kind of unique world view which you find really interesting. They’re often a lot older than you (10+ years), you get in ‘too deep too quickly’, you open up all the way because you trust people a lot which got you in somewhat dangerous situations in the past but it was never too bad. You keep seeing the good sides of people even when they straight up use you for sex or something else. You like strong, big, melancholy guys that have a protector feel, a safe sanctuary a big, chaotic world. You think there’s something extremely special about you two and that no one sees the world the way you two do. I bet you love helping people, don’t u? You see where they’re ‘stuck’ in life and you wanna help them out. Cause even though those guys are a lot older than you, you secretly think you have a lot more life experience and you know just well what the other person would need. You see what the ‘next step’ is gonna be for them. You can’t wait to ‘get to work’ and introduce all kinds of concepts to them that would be good for them. You low key hope they’ll end up saying something like ‘Oh, if only I listened to you earlier’. You feel needed and it feels good, no? Well, you’re actually making those guys dependent on you while you think you’re helping them. You force them into their position. So you’re not really helping them to grow because if they would overcome all of these ‘problems’ eventually, you’ll dump them and get someone else because they don’t need you anymore. How would you feel being with a guy that is fine self esteem wise? That has his life more or less together? Can you handle not being needed? You just have a lot more growing to do. You’re ready for love when you don’t have a list of bullet points that need fixing about the other person. And when you can stand the thought that another person doesn’t really need you. As long as you don’t make this part conscious, you’ll keep attracting those weird kinds of guys.
  5. (30/10/19) It’s hard and boring to keep up practices when it feels like you’re plateauing. I might have reached my edge in how much I can do in a day and nothing much is happening anymore. Law of diminishing returns might be a thing even in personal development. Maybe that’s why I’m suddenly interested in psychedelics. Don’t get me wrong, I still love learning, more than ever at the moment. I’m all over my books and all that good stuff. Just in my personal journey it seems like nothing much is changing about my level of mindfulness, gratitude… Doing more doesn’t really lead to more results. At some point it won’t anymore. I’m stuck. I’m bored. Those newbie gains were awesome. I felt like a totally different person almost everyday.
  6. @Bill W That's the outcome if you allow crazy french dudes produce movies The funny thing is, the movie is actually about a LSD - trip. If you haven't watched it, I don't recommend
  7. Thank you for writing this. I'm sometimes overwhelmed by how there's so many people on this planet and they're all different. I used to get annoyed, now I'm in awe. I feel like we were all gifted a tool and we're learning to use it. You're given the limit of time, explore it. You're given your body, respect it. You're given your mind, enjoy it. And truth will take care of itself.
  8. @Cody_Atzori If it seems like a task, don’t do it. It’s not gonna stick anyway if you have to force yourself. If you believe in spiral dynamics, then maybe you’re just not ready for yellow yet? You can’t force yourself to study something just because it would make you someone you desire to be. You do it because you love it, or you don’t. There’s no end goal of ‘finally being done studying perspectives’. You do it because it’s enjoyable to gather knowledge. It’s a way of life. You can’t fake genuine interest. If you are interested and you’re just not into reading that much then maybe try a different angle: Take 20 people closest to you, ask yourself what their perspective on life and death is, how they view the world. Ask them questions about why they think they’re alive. There’s 7 billion perspectives out there. Start with your neighbour, go from there. You’re meeting many new people everyday. You’ll never run out of things to observe.
  9. @7thLetter Maybe you’re just craving some connection, which is human. Don’t overcomplicate things. Maybe you see a possibility for connection that you’re not using and it makes you sad. Sometimes being with another person grows you more than being alone. Other people can challenge you immensely, you don’t need to be in solitude for growth to happen. Sometimes maybe, but sometimes not. What good is all of this work if at the end of the day you can’t share it with anyone? I think there’s something inside of us that just wants to share. And sooner or later that need always comes back. Just because you’re not doing pickup anymore doesn’t mean you’ve outgrown the need for human connection. Maybe you’re coming to the whole idea of dating from a different perspective this time? (Just my two cents, not sure if I’m in the right ballpark) How are you viewing woman now compared to ‘then’? What is it that would really make you happy with this girl? Talking? Sex? The fact that you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone? These are all indicating very different things.
  10. My thoughts when I'm trying to meditate be like...
  11. (26/10/2019) When you thought things are going great and then a single comment of your parents makes you cry all night. :-) Oh boy. I’ll never be good enough for them anyway. Why do I even keep trying? Being a disappointment to the people you love most in your life is honestly the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. No appreciation for who you truly are, your opinions, struggles, talents, decisions,… When every time you try to open up and invest in the relationship, you think it’s going great and then BOOM you get stabbed in the most unexpected moments. I’m reminded that I’m not nearly as ‘good’ as they are, that I’m not accomplishing enough, trying hard enough,…. And it feels like nothing has ever changed and I’m still the same 8 year old trying to get my shit back together. How do you even have the courage to get back up when you were stabbed in the same place a hundred times? How does one heal? I wanna run away so hard. I wanna close down so much. Why do I even keep going back to them all the time? So many times I swore I wound never come back home, that I’ll just stop doing this to myself. Blow up everything and live in the woods. I’m so tired of this. What draws me back then? Wanting to heal, I guess. A desperation for resolving a pattern that is running my life. Fixing it with the person that is at the root of it. My perfectionism… Everything I do is an expression of it. Even that I’m writing this right now… Oh god… Makes me wanna throw up. At the same time, they’re the biggest measure for my growth at all times. They’re perfectly mirroring where I’m hurt and what to take a closer look at. My mom knows all the weak spots that are left. No person or method is as direct as her. As Ram Dass said, if you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your parents. Curious how I’m snapping right back into emotional reaction mode. No space in between emotions and thoughts.
  12. Children ARE society. I'd argue the most important thing our society needs to counter so many of our problems right now is focusing on how to raise children. We only need to 'make society better' because most people are lost. How many people are emotionally closed down, out of touch with their passion, neurotic, etc.? We're never given the chance to realise ourselves in the first place. Parents aren' taught how to raise stable children. Our education system is completely backwards. And to 'turn this around' in adulthood is too much work, too hard and painful for most people. If you see your bathroom is flooded, are you first gonna clean up or are you gonna turn off the tap? Deal with the mess but if you don't turn off the freaking tap first good luck getting anywhere. Education is not a waste, it's what everything else is built upon. Raising conscious children is the only chance we have.
  13. Find out: I was just a bad dream
  14. (20/10/19) Reality isn’t as solid as you think. It just seems this way because you never actually stop your gaze or your stream of thought. Everything’s always in motion. So are you. Only when you become very very still will you notice that there’s nothing to hold on to… I’m not independent. I don’t end. Self inquiry quite literally feels like holding a knife to my own throat. Am I ready for psychedelics?
  15. Thank you! Really speaks to me right now. I'll put it on my list!
  16. @Natasha Thank you so much Natasha! Listened to that in the morning of a busy day. Much appreciated <3 Hope you're doing good. @Bill W Hi Bill! I'm in a bit of a whirl at the moment. A lot of new things going on, I feel like I'm at the start of a new chapter in my life. New city, new people, new interests... If you ever want to be deeply humbled by life, start something new from scratch. A sport, a language, a job or any skill. Anyway, spending lots of time on figuring out the details of how to be a functioning adult in society Also just worked the first day at a job that I actually love doing more than anything else AND got payed for it. I had tears in my eyes. My brain hurts so much from thinking though. I hate meditation at the moment. Such a drag. But hey, that usually only lasts for some days. Hope you're doing good!
  17. The problem is that we never really got to choose what we want to learn so school becomes a drag. I experienced the same. When I got out of school I was so happy to finally be done with it all. But after some time the itch to learn and study came back and all of a sudden it's so enjoyable. You really can't force yourself to learn, it happens automatically. Our schooling system is still pretty backwards. Love reading your journal! Keep up the good work Charlotte! X
  18. 10h work days, no sleep, do it for love, don’t fall asleep, don’t fall asleep!
  19. Maybe look at that issue from a bit of a different perspective: How would your view change if you understood this about woman? Listen closely. It’s really more sad than it is ‘mean’ when woman go after men with money. They’re fearing for their lives. It doesn’t really matter if there’s woman out there who would choose a guy just for his money. It won’t be you because these woman won’t trap you if you develop yourself enough. Often these kinds of ‘relationships’ are an unspoken agreement of trading sex and looks (coming from woman) for money (coming from men). Because there are just as many men out there who want a young, pretty doll to show off as there are woman digging gold. It’s just low consciousness stuff. If woman are that way, let them. Don’t think they ‘win’ by doing that. They still think money makes them happy, so they’re stuck in unhappiness forever. So woman in those scenarios are actually suffering as much as men. It makes me a bit sick how ‘all woman’ are portrayed like that sometimes. It’s such a gross generalisation. The internet can really screw up your view on the opposite sex a lot. Be careful with that. Go by your experience. Look around you. It’s probably less common than they make you believe. You can paint the feminine negative just as much as you can the masculine. But there’s healthy sides to both dynamics too. Also, I think woman are looking for men that are slightly more confident than they are. And usually, if you’re confident, there shouldn’t be a huge problem making enough money to provide for your living situation. Having no direction in life (like watching TV all day or smith) is really a turn off. Woman want to feel that you have a sense of purpose in your life. And maybe having a lot of money is signalling to woman that, at least superficially, they’re not losers. They ‘accomplished’ something. The only way they can be there for her is through money or physical safety. Which isn’t all there is but if you look at most men out there, they don’t know how to make a woman feel safe in any way. So it’s better than nothing. Honestly, there’s just not a lot of great men out there. So why not settle for someone that at least has some money? I was in a situation once where I could have easily exploited a pretty rich guy. But if you have any level of self awareness you immediately notice how icky it feels, how it’s just not the right thing to do and how it’s gonna make everyone unhappy. Consciousness prevents you to build up a future on a lie like that. You could never justify it. Raise your consciousness. Nothing else to do. To wok around this constant fear requires a lot from woman. That doesn’t mean that you have to be completely able to provide everything yourself, but enough to not come from a place of fear because you think you won’t make it. The key (for men and woman) is to be content on your own, so you only have love to give when you interact with others, not needs to be fulfilled. And you can act out of love and playfulness, not scarcity, discovering more of yourself by being with someone else, playing that game of masculine and feminine. As a rule of thumb: You’ll attract woman on roughly the same level of awareness that you have. Don’t focus on woman too much. Focus on your purpose. It will all happen organically the moment you let go.
  20. @ivankiss Hmm… The old discussion on what’s true vs. what’s most helpful for people. Such a difficult one. I’d think it’s not misleading but rather a case of ‘Not the right dose - Not the right time’. Leo’s mission seems to be finding Truth at all costs. He said recently that he cares more about that than someone’s personal awakening. There’s no way his teachings can be suited for everyone’s path anyway. Way too many followers. I’d say it’s up to the people listening to not get lost in too advanced theory without practice. Or ignoring their wounds. That’s really the biggest trap. But what can he do but warn people about it? Do you want a gentle hand helping you to find out what’s true for yourself? Or do you just want to know up front? I’d argue Leo teaches both. But his audience is pretty ‘rationally’ minded and masculine so they appreciate his straight forwardness. Some people are just not up for loving and ‘up-for-interpretation’ - teachings of other people. I love that. But I’m also a woman;-) Also depends on your personality a lot I guess. Leo’s a thinker (MBTI) so his approach might seem cold to feelers. What’s the ultimate goal? No goal? Understanding? Happiness? Peace? One step up? Seeing all the steps? I don’t know. I like to think that in the end it’ all the same. But I don’t know. "All was revealed. All in good time."
  21. The distance of forever