flowboy

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  1. They never were abusive, they're the nicest people really. But still, people with biases and opinions, that I was still leaning on deep down
  2. @Khr I did this, which I cannot recommend highly enough, and everyone who I know who did it is recommending it to everyone too. That retreat really cemented that mental independence from my parents ... I just see them as people now, with their own biases and projections that I disagree with, but it doesn't bother me anymore. My relationship with them has actually improved since.
  3. I remember the moment that I deeply realised that no one knows better than me. When it comes to my own life decisions, I mean. Before, when I decided anything, I would get my dad's opinion, my mom's opinion, and assume they know what is best. I still would make decisions against their recommendations, but even when I did that, there would be a voice in my head that said: "This is never going to work. You're just doing this so that you will fail and realise that your mom was right" I stood in a coffee shop when I fully realised that no one knows better than me. It was an awfully lonely feeling. Now, there is no one to lean on, to defer to, to know what's best for me. I saw my friends' advice for what it really was: well-meaning projections. I saw my parents' opinion for what they really were: well-meaning projections. It's like the bottom fell out and I was suddenly groundless, falling, and the only one who could catch me and pick me up was myself. To answer your question, why you keep arguing... my guess is that you haven't had that realisation deeply enough yet
  4. Hi Corey, I've certainly been in the position where the thought of changing my life and doing anything great was too scary to say out loud. If a conversation would help you, I can make some time. I would have some questions for you. You can PM me.
  5. Are you looking for someone to help you accomplish your goals, or for someone to figure out with you what the goals are?
  6. What is she helping you with, and are you making progress there? That's the main question in my opinion. That, and also whether you feel good with her. She may be being a bit unprofessional, or she may not be. It depends who you ask. Some would say that a therapist is not supposed to share anything about her own life, and be an unpenetrable surface, that everything bounces off and comes back to the client. Others would say that therapists should humanize themselves and build an authentic relationship with the client, because a real relationship is more conducive to transformation than a one-sided one. It depends on what you prefer, really. You don't have to accept anything that you think is not okay. Here's an example of what I would consider unprofessional behavior: if a therapist would get emotionally triggered about what a client is sharing, and starting to project their own unresolved stuff onto them, resulting in a very clouded judgment. This would be a clear case of a lack of professionalism and boundaries. I don't know. What I can say is: She might have a point What you have written contains many instances of you trying to control how a therapy session should be done. But she is the therapist, you are the client. Either you trust how she does her job, which means that all your observations of how she should do it, should be treated as merely projections, and it's your job to observe these thoughts and question them, instead of taking them at face value. Or you decide that you don't trust how she does her job, and find another therapist. Both equally good options But choose one. Edit: now I apologize in advance for taking a wild shot in the dark here, but let's entertain it. I'm probably wrong. But if you in fact would be a control freak, then you would on some level have chosen this therapist on purpose: she has weaknesses, so you can control her. Judging by how she handles the control freak observation, mentioning it casually but not really digging deeper, it seems she's not strong enough to really penetrate into your core. And that's more comfortable for you. Even though you also resent it on some level. Again, shot in the dark. If it doesn't resonate, please forget what I said.
  7. Well, then if you look at concrete results, redpill hasn't brought you anything. If it was really so great, wouldn't you have a girlfriend by now? It hasn't brought you the results that you (say you) want. So take a break from it. All theory. You want to know what gets results? Going outside and talking to people.
  8. This is not your authentic self, though. It's a survival strategy you've adapted a long time ago, in exchange for acceptance and safety from conflict. It's called a "feminine shield". I'm making this assumption because you say you're attracted to feminine women, which means you probably have a masculine essence buried under that feminine shield of voice and mannerisms.
  9. Drugs are not a perfect long-term solution. Who knew
  10. oh okay, maybe not then I think we know a bit more about what you want, then. + Not Nauseating ( not marketing ) What would give you the opposite feeling?
  11. You'll kill some bugs by going for a walk in the forest. In my mind, you can: Become a monk, live with other monks, not be involved in any work, and focus on meditation and not killing anything Pick one cause that is most important, focus on it, and strive to have a big positive impact there, that makes up for the bugs you'll crush and the trees you'll use up in toilet paper, in order to get there
  12. If you want it, you'll make it. If you think you want it, you'll think about making it. - MJ DeMarco
  13. Toastmasters is great for that. Those table topics take some courage, good job! Apart from that, are you recording yourself regularly, and getting feedback from people on the video? Maybe you could combine it: when you do a speech for Toastmasters, first do it to a camera and record it, and practice that way.
  14. With a BA in Psychology you could get a job in Marketing
  15. Agreed. And you're not prioritizing until you're deprioritizing. Shelving things for later, adding them to the Not Doing list. If it hurts, you're doing it right.