Alex bAlex

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About Alex bAlex

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    Portsmouth, UK ยฎ Romania
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  1. Skipped the meditation routine today (and Sunday), skipped the exercise since Sunday but I got a new haircut. Much more fresh and clear and clean I'll try to get 30 min of Meditation now if I can. Feeling good. Yeah, just chill, and connected. I've been turn around after 10 min of driving due to a forgotten pallet, but I didn't get angry or pissed off. I just keep calm and observe the sensation arising. Cool powers ๐Ÿ’ช ๐Ÿ˜ It's like when you reach a boiling point and then you don't give a shit any more๐Ÿ˜ค I have to take a MB personality test and see which box I thick. I don't have time now but when I'll be back for retreat I'll watch Hunter Thompson's movies. Thanks for the lead ๐ŸŽฅ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ
  2. Well many times in my life happened to be at a party or a social gathering and all of us are cracking jokes, more or less funny, sometimes sarcastic, and out of nowhere I start to mention things that hadn't any connection with the topic discussed but was Intresting. Is that moment when the music stops and everybody is staring at you and wonders "who the fuck is this guy? ". And they are curious to know more about me or the subject I mentioned it, but the very next moment I managed to say something stupid - like a confirmation as "aha, I knew that it can't be real". It's like kicking myself in the balls. So I can not fathom, why I cannot keep that bright idea train of thought going on. It's more like an impulse for a few moments then I get into a masive brain fog(basically being dumb - NOW). This trigger the instinct to shut the door, lock it and throw the key away. It starts from childhood and its going on and on since. And gosh, this month was incredibly hard to get by emotionally. In a way I was climbing a mountain and halfway through I paused to have a brake(happy and energetic) - the next moment I am waking up at the based of the mountain, full of dirt and scars. All this must have to do with kryia meditation(chakras and energy disturbing) and the expected vipassana retreat. For almost an year I dreamt to get to do a vipassana and now I feel the resistance and the fear. Hopefully I will get back better but... Anyway, it seems that the negative center that I created its getting bigger and bigger rather than dissipate. Trust me I am aware of my negativity and I try to combat it but looks like I am fighting in vain. To be fair, the avatar I found it by searching something about psychedelics on Google. It looks like Hunter Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. When I saw the movie first time I had no idea that there are so many drugs ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜‹
  3. You know how they say that "this is not for everyone"? Well I think I am part of those who don't qualify. For this forum, for the place I am, for this life. I'm too dumb. And it's so fucking weird to come with some great idea or vision, just to fuck it up till I put it down on paper or I break any opportunities when I am opening my mouth. Am I sick? Do I have a mental disorder? Fuck knows. I am tiered. I don't belong.
  4. @Immortal peace My apologies ๐Ÿ˜” @Mikael89 Thanks ๐Ÿ˜Œ
  5. Intresting.... For five years every video was delivered on time and now... YouTube is a zen devil ๐Ÿ‘ฟ muahhahhahhh
  6. I am not a writer but I feel the same when I am thinking of something "original" life to create a youtube content or business. When I get an idea I am thinking that it's already done by someone else and the market is either saturated or not interested in. And when do you start to give (or not to give) credits? In a graduate thesis, for example. your originals are just the order of fulfilling and linking words. It pisses me off and it's sending me into analysis-paralysis mode! Yeah but I can go to jail for copyright (rights?-cannot get the grammar here). This one requires some deep meditations That's why you need to try and fail and fail and fail. GOT IT Gracias
  7. Kinda how I am feeling at the moment. I know that you can find what you're looking for, but at the moment I am not looking to settle. However, your comment made me think again and this week something shift in my paradigm, in the way that I start to accept more ideas that are not in line with my point of view. Thanks, and good luck with your life vision. Well, that means I do not need "the other half" then, because, I am ONE! But I get your point. It's like when you stand up and raise your hand the highest you can, and then you get all you have and rise it a bit higher! Enlightenment sex sounds wonder-in this case both partners have to have some degree of awakening- IT'S FUCKING COMPLACENCY!!! Sort out your basic needs like food, shelter, income, then go and do some pick-up and you'll get a bulge back pretty quick It's a zero-sum game! Thank you for elaboration- nice pictured! Not at all, but when I am looking around and I see lone people passed 40-50 and they are looking in vain, I am wonder if that is what you need in life or that they failed to see the big picture. SURE I AM AWARE OF HOW LUCKY I AM DO DISCOVER ALL THIS INFORMATION (wasn't so easy 30-40 years ago) AND TO CHANGE MY LIFE WHEN I AM NOT EVEN 30. That's what David Deida says in The Way of Superior Man ***So, in the end, all boils down to frustration, blame and guilt. That is why we have to take 100% for our lives and work towards fulfilment with or without a partner. The biggest trap that I see it here on this forum, and in which I felt as well, is that I jumped stages. It's easier to smoke dope, have some mushroom. get a mystical experience and then say " ah nothing else matters" than to work towards a dreamlife career and financial freedom. I tell you what guys- everything fucking matters. I tried to live on love and guess what- love passes through the stomach! Financial independence first and everything else will follow. Remember that Leo was financially independent when he start actualized dot org -but I and many others here want to become straight enlighten so that all our problems will become easier to deal with- ha - ha -ha - *jocker scene*
  8. Calm, in the moment. Mixed feelings. New vision/ daydreaming! I have to plan and schedule every fucking minute of my life. The lag is killing me. I am dying anyway- all the activities are just distraction from death. The truth will kill me. The truth will set me free. But I have to work on lies first. I have to become the best mother fucker and liar WHy? Because all the reality is built on lies, every word that gets out of your mouth is a lie. He who masters the language thrives. I have to get into ORANGE very bad. I have to grow my EGO very very bad. Then I will have what to slaughter. Then I will be able to say " I had an ego death" ! Now get to work BITCH!
  9. Should find a way to better channel my energy. I got some massive bursts of YEAH!!! that I have to integrate better in my life. Usually, they come whilst exercising or biking. In this case, I just propel myself with 100 miles/ hour feeling and just feeling alive, in touch with nature, with people on the street, smiling and be happy. Other times I just feel it at while I am driving and listen to some great music, dancing all over around the wheel I am aware that this is a gold pot that I am throwing out. Only if I could learn to use it in a productive way, imagine the results *** Investing in a course. So far I find Jordan Bedford courses appealing. Of course, they are, DUH... eyeballs! But you can't leave your life in this manner Alex; like analysing every product and say "oh it's just marketing and sales". Fuck that! You have to start somewhere. Yeah, it cost around 5 grand. Ok ok. It's an online course, it can deliver but you will get back to square one and maybe more in debt with 5k because you don't have a social accountability and interaction, first-hand lessons. I get that. So maybe you search for a boot camp 101 or something similar. Anyway, vipassana next week, then we'll see what answers will find inside and based on those will take a decision. Burn your bridges, You've made it so far countless times!
  10. Hey... Life's not so bad when you wake up after six hours and fell fresh. Also, self-remembering helps and, for some reason, I keep thinking about Marcus Aurelius when I have that internal morning chat between the cognitive and emotional center. Rewinding my day, I can see all the mechanicalness and automation. I thought I'll going to remember myself more often but, it occurred to me only 1 hour ago. Indeed, it's not a easy peasy japanesesy thing. A rubber band could help. This summer I have to make it to a seminar. Either PUA or Brian Rose academy or something along the lines. ๐Ÿ‘Š ๐Ÿ‘€โœŒ๏ธ ***edit *** No London Real๐Ÿ˜Œ good to read some reviews first ๐Ÿ˜‰
  11. It's not the people who vote that count, it's the people who count the votes. - Stalin ๐Ÿ™ƒ
  12. Rewinding a funny situation and project it into the future (seeing myself telling the story to my mom), I start to laugh. It was a genuine, joyful laugh and the next moment - boom! The awareness kicked in and asked myself - are you hiding something? Are you sad? Do you try to release some tension? Why do you laugh? - and that was it. ๐Ÿ™„ Analysing MODE-ON So, it's this a zero sum game. I mean, will there be a full time balance between "good and sad" feelings? Or maybe that awareness just put me into the default, neutral, state of being. There are more "sad-bad" moments, only because you tend to pay more attention to them, and feed them. Sure, it will be cool for the balance to strike to the opposite side the other half of the life (and maybe it does) but remember that there is no good or bad - positive or negative - feeling. Everything just IS
  13. @Gladius welcome aboard ๐Ÿ›ณ ๐Ÿš ๐Ÿš‰ @Zigzag Idiot pass the joint ๐Ÿšฌ ๐Ÿ˜…LOL ๐Ÿ˜‚
  14. Hey "actualizers", We are keep taught to be original if we want to be successful and to create authentic products, or, more simplistically, "JUST BE YOURSELF". If you're reading and consume personal development content for a while, you might notice that some patterns keep repeating themselves and if you do a bit of analysis, you'll find out that everyone form Wallace D Wattles, to Napoleon Hill to Tony Robbin, say pretty much the same shit (useful shit), only a bit polished, to shine. And I am thinking of myself as well, that in order to be authentic, I have to be inspired by someone or some material. So I will get this inspiration material, paraphrase it, publish it and call it original. So the question is: is it,out there anything original or just refurbished stuff? I can also think that a musician may create a good piece of melody but himself must have some initial sting of music to pull from. I guess I can answer my question by saying that there is no such a thing as 100% original ยฎยฉโ„ข๏ธยฉ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ™„
  15. Have you been aware? Have you noticed? Every fucking thing that you criticized, hated, judged, ridiculed got back and bite your ass? And everytime you said "I am this and that and I do this and that", right there, the very next moment you triggered the challenge. The challenge that checked you, to see how strong you are and if you really are all this mambo Jambo that you clame you are! For example, how many times have you said that you are on a clean plant based diet and moreover, you don't eat wheat, corn,oil, soy and refined sugar, only to stuff yourself later on with doughnuts or don't give a fuck about cooking and run across the street to buy an greasy, oil-dripping fish. Or how about when you play cocky and said "ah I meditate x min daily"? What happens the next day? You barley can keep your body (not even talking about the mind) in one place. What about "I run daily, x amount of miles"? The following sessions seem impossible or even you gave it up for a couple of days, leaning in frustration. All this work it is meant to be kept for yourself. Let others notice you. If they have eyes to see, they will; if not, you have to move on-you have nothing to demonstrate to anyone. *** As I'm writing those lines a feel of love and heat is filling up my body. Thank you โ™ฅ