Alex bAlex

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About Alex bAlex

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    Portsmouth, UK ยฎ Romania
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  1. I have thought about this for a while and I think that tattoos can come from a self esteem issue (e.g. Love heart with an arrow for mum) but also from a high consciousness state of mind (e.g. Indigenous tribes doing ayahuasca and their tattooed skins). What's the reason for a tattoo in the end? Identification! Cius!
  2. @Moreira @Shiva @Rigel Thanks guys.
  3. Hi @Leo GuraIn you deep awakening experience that you had, you have mentioned that you(or I) create everything around us, imagining "reality " and ultimately design all this stuff. Big question now. Have you find out an answer about eating animal products in relation to the enlightenment. The Buddhist say not to kill and all that jazz, have you got any answers relating to the food? I know you kept avoiding shooting a video on this subject (of veganism) but I would be in debt to you if you would give me a clue. Sorry for the low quality questions but I am confused as fuck and I don't know who I am. I am not a vegan but eat mostly vegan, ordering a coconut late with a cheese sandwich.
  4. Nah, just curious about what's possible
  5. @Neorez ha ha :)) next stage will be translucent :)) wearing a transparent raincoat
  6. @Leo Gura Have you reached the ultimate stage in regard to expanding your consciousness, getting enlightenment or there is more to this? Did you passed SP stage Yellow?
  7. Hey, I'm back, but not for long. I came back here more to end this journal than to keep babbling. So I have to get up to date with what happened in the past month and then move my entire journaling on One Note. Vipassana- an interesting experience. I felt disappointed when I was there. I couldn't sit and meditate for 1 hour straight which made me go anxious and depressed. Also, I had big expectations like ego death feeling that I had on 5.35g of dried mushrooms two years prior to vipassana. Didn't happen, so for 9 days, I was in pain. Then on the 10 and 11th day I was full of happiness, to be able to talk and meet like-minded people, most of whom have done psychedelics. STILL-while I was meditating I had a few moments of deepening into the void but for me that was it. OR I THOUGHT IT ISโ€ฆ. Coming back from the retreat, things start to feel different and besides, give green light to some of my desires, something still feels different- I donโ€™t feel the desire to spend time on the internet, YouTube, or this forum. I find it a waste of time- not in the wrong sense of the word but in the way that, if I want to develop I have to put more time in education and practice, that posting and reading comments. I have a lot of movies to watch but no desire to do so. I better read a book. (YEEEEY! ) Moreover, I saw through the VEGAN ideology while I was there and I could understand it. So no more vegan for me. IT GOES FULL CIRCLE. Not to say that I have to plunge now into the greasy-wheat foods (although the first thing when I got back was to order a bucket of KFC- yuck! ) Nonetheless, I will keep a plant-based diet but not in the strict vegan way. It helped me to learn more about food and energy provided by. The wheat definitely makes me lazy and slow like a slug. Ego backlash- struggling with meditation and getting my shit together after the retreat. I missed a few days of meditation and running, eating crap food and feeling very lost. Now I am getting back on the track. Tripping my heads off the week after I got out of vipassana, beautiful visuals and a sort of ego death but it didn't go full on. The acid trip gives you more visuals and fucks with your thoughts but, even being in the woods and having a blasting experience, it felt "dry" afterwards. Mushroom Are THE ONE to consider! Or 5-MeO -maybe? Starting a new job next month and I can't wait to get to a "normal" schedule and start to have a strong morning routine. Two years of working nights and try to rest on daytime fucked me. I learn a lot- and I paid A LOT MORE! The day is made to work and night to rest-use them properly! But most important is social life- working unsocial hours felt like running on quicksands. I am thankful for this platform that allowed me to start my journaling habit, helps a lot! Now I just have to keep cruising along on my one note. Thank you all for your time and comments on this journal! Be HAPPY P.S. - I'll still ask childish questions now and then- so I'm not totally off this forum
  8. Skipped the meditation routine today (and Sunday), skipped the exercise since Sunday but I got a new haircut. Much more fresh and clear and clean I'll try to get 30 min of Meditation now if I can. Feeling good. Yeah, just chill, and connected. I've been turn around after 10 min of driving due to a forgotten pallet, but I didn't get angry or pissed off. I just keep calm and observe the sensation arising. Cool powers ๐Ÿ’ช ๐Ÿ˜ It's like when you reach a boiling point and then you don't give a shit any more๐Ÿ˜ค I have to take a MB personality test and see which box I thick. I don't have time now but when I'll be back for retreat I'll watch Hunter Thompson's movies. Thanks for the lead ๐ŸŽฅ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ
  9. Well many times in my life happened to be at a party or a social gathering and all of us are cracking jokes, more or less funny, sometimes sarcastic, and out of nowhere I start to mention things that hadn't any connection with the topic discussed but was Intresting. Is that moment when the music stops and everybody is staring at you and wonders "who the fuck is this guy? ". And they are curious to know more about me or the subject I mentioned it, but the very next moment I managed to say something stupid - like a confirmation as "aha, I knew that it can't be real". It's like kicking myself in the balls. So I can not fathom, why I cannot keep that bright idea train of thought going on. It's more like an impulse for a few moments then I get into a masive brain fog(basically being dumb - NOW). This trigger the instinct to shut the door, lock it and throw the key away. It starts from childhood and its going on and on since. And gosh, this month was incredibly hard to get by emotionally. In a way I was climbing a mountain and halfway through I paused to have a brake(happy and energetic) - the next moment I am waking up at the based of the mountain, full of dirt and scars. All this must have to do with kryia meditation(chakras and energy disturbing) and the expected vipassana retreat. For almost an year I dreamt to get to do a vipassana and now I feel the resistance and the fear. Hopefully I will get back better but... Anyway, it seems that the negative center that I created its getting bigger and bigger rather than dissipate. Trust me I am aware of my negativity and I try to combat it but looks like I am fighting in vain. To be fair, the avatar I found it by searching something about psychedelics on Google. It looks like Hunter Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. When I saw the movie first time I had no idea that there are so many drugs ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜‹
  10. You know how they say that "this is not for everyone"? Well I think I am part of those who don't qualify. For this forum, for the place I am, for this life. I'm too dumb. And it's so fucking weird to come with some great idea or vision, just to fuck it up till I put it down on paper or I break any opportunities when I am opening my mouth. Am I sick? Do I have a mental disorder? Fuck knows. I am tiered. I don't belong.
  11. @Immortal peace My apologies ๐Ÿ˜” @Mikael89 Thanks ๐Ÿ˜Œ
  12. Intresting.... For five years every video was delivered on time and now... YouTube is a zen devil ๐Ÿ‘ฟ muahhahhahhh
  13. I am not a writer but I feel the same when I am thinking of something "original" life to create a youtube content or business. When I get an idea I am thinking that it's already done by someone else and the market is either saturated or not interested in. And when do you start to give (or not to give) credits? In a graduate thesis, for example. your originals are just the order of fulfilling and linking words. It pisses me off and it's sending me into analysis-paralysis mode! Yeah but I can go to jail for copyright (rights?-cannot get the grammar here). This one requires some deep meditations That's why you need to try and fail and fail and fail. GOT IT Gracias
  14. Kinda how I am feeling at the moment. I know that you can find what you're looking for, but at the moment I am not looking to settle. However, your comment made me think again and this week something shift in my paradigm, in the way that I start to accept more ideas that are not in line with my point of view. Thanks, and good luck with your life vision. Well, that means I do not need "the other half" then, because, I am ONE! But I get your point. It's like when you stand up and raise your hand the highest you can, and then you get all you have and rise it a bit higher! Enlightenment sex sounds wonder-in this case both partners have to have some degree of awakening- IT'S FUCKING COMPLACENCY!!! Sort out your basic needs like food, shelter, income, then go and do some pick-up and you'll get a bulge back pretty quick It's a zero-sum game! Thank you for elaboration- nice pictured! Not at all, but when I am looking around and I see lone people passed 40-50 and they are looking in vain, I am wonder if that is what you need in life or that they failed to see the big picture. SURE I AM AWARE OF HOW LUCKY I AM DO DISCOVER ALL THIS INFORMATION (wasn't so easy 30-40 years ago) AND TO CHANGE MY LIFE WHEN I AM NOT EVEN 30. That's what David Deida says in The Way of Superior Man ***So, in the end, all boils down to frustration, blame and guilt. That is why we have to take 100% for our lives and work towards fulfilment with or without a partner. The biggest trap that I see it here on this forum, and in which I felt as well, is that I jumped stages. It's easier to smoke dope, have some mushroom. get a mystical experience and then say " ah nothing else matters" than to work towards a dreamlife career and financial freedom. I tell you what guys- everything fucking matters. I tried to live on love and guess what- love passes through the stomach! Financial independence first and everything else will follow. Remember that Leo was financially independent when he start actualized dot org -but I and many others here want to become straight enlighten so that all our problems will become easier to deal with- ha - ha -ha - *jocker scene*