Alex bAlex

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About Alex bAlex

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    Portsmouth, UK via Romania
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  1. Quit and do what? Return to the old group? Yeah that might sound exciting and maybe give you a bit of a hope for a moment but then what? You left for a reason. You want to become the best version of yourself. What didn't work very well those days? The FUCKING BUISCUITS BESIDES YOUR BED!!! THAT RUINED ALL YOUR DAYS. You just woke up and munch and gulped some water then rolled back and repeat till you couldn't do it any longer. And now you are here crying Why why why ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜’ Do you miss love, interaction, friends, money, then go fucking work for it. Nothing will come to you sitting in bed and having munchies. Pathetic! Well a happy one now ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜
  2. I want to quit! But I can't I am too deep into this shit to be able to get out. I guess I overfeed myself with theory and little above zero practice. I had in mind this scene all day sitting in bed, thinking that there's no fucking body to catch me. I had no power or control to move and do something. But I never felt this way WITHOUT the need for stimulants. I don't crave alcohol, drugs, cigarettes,... But I guess I just changed the drug for youtube and porn (ยฟ) I lost vision for my life purpose. I want to do many other things. Something tangible. I something that I can hold on to. I can do nothing but OBSERVING MYSELF, witnessing my own depravation. I feel like I am on heroine without actually being on heroine. I can just imagine how it is though since I never inj3ct such a thing. Four days. Lost, in vain, gone. Time is the most precious asset (paradoxically) and still I lack the self management. I think I start all this self actualization journey upside down. I've bought into enlightenment hoping for the solution to my problems. Now I feel like I understand the reality, God, ego desires and I do to some degree but I miss something. I jumped from blue to green and a bit yellow when I should focus on orange all the time. Now it bites me. Can't meditate anymore(done 35 min today) . I couldn't put my running gear on today.
  3. @Girzo LOOOOL love it!
  4. I thought that I will take the time and elaborate on the week just had passed but checking my ticket, I have noticed that the event started one hour ago. I still have another 2 hours if I manage to get myself ready in time. Be right back
  5. I think you can grow 10x faster doing it alone. If you watch day gamers, they are doing it most by themselves. Sure the situation differ if you are going to the club. I have been to the club alone (also no props like alcohol and/or drugs) and start to talk to girls and although people notice that you are alone and you feel like you want to run, doing it alone grows you a lot. And people around you know that it takes a lot of balls to be there by your own. A wing might help nonetheless but in the end you have to face your own fears. All in all don't let the fact that you don't have a wing put you down. Good luck ๐Ÿคž
  6. First, there is an opportunity, then, there is a betrayal๐Ÿ‘๏ธ
  7. Scorching hot over here. And will get hotter. Well, recycle Though park run today, almost giving up. 4 hours and 50 min of sleep and no props used. But, still, I had a good time of 20:02 and the 9th place. Then, the vegan festival. Well, things changed. Not with the festival, but with me, with my lense through I see the reality, and although it's vegan. I can't say it's healthy. Lots of sugars, fats and wheat. Funny thing. I was looking to buy a crystal pendant, I ask the price and hearing of ยฃ27 I stepped back a bit. But the seller wants to do her job and to convince me to buy, added: " it's crystal from the rock bottom of Atlantis". And I was laughing my ass off :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) I told her that I had no idea that they discover it (Atlantis) and she replied that, "yes, yes, it's in you know where the Dominican Republic is, so ... well If I'd had a map I could show you...." That was enough. Sorry but doesn't stick on me. But I got some Lion's Mane powder and I am keen to test it. Probably not now 'cuz I still need some rest. Afterwards, I left the "festival" and sat outside, basking in the sun and laughing at "So, are you Chinese or Japanese?" when I saw her. Beauty girl, alone, bored, walking like an "I just had two joints", I get my line ready, stand up walking...towards the bus. WHY ON EARTH I HAVE DONE THAT. I knew all I have to say, stacking it was the perfect moment to try to approach, not only her but lots of them. I guess I don't really want this. Otherwise, I cannot explain why I sabotage myself again and again when it comes to girls. And Schillers makes my dopamine flow through every cell and marrow of my body. Fantastic, I recommend all the album Symphonia (live)
  8. I always thought that Leo is 5'7-5'10. Probably the hair adds up he he ๐Ÿ˜‚
  9. After the meditation habit this is the most helpful and effective help that I could get. I didn't know anything about nootropics and when I was seeing people talking or recommending props I was was dismissing them, considering just another marketing scam or health dangerous substances. One year ago I was struggling to watch a head to tail video (usually after 5 min I was starting another video). Not even talking about reading. Now everything is so smooth ๐Ÿ˜Sure I don't use those daily but spread them here and there when I need them the most. Thank you very much for spreading the wisdom ๐Ÿ™
  10. Today... was the first day of summer. 12 degrees couple of days ago, 24 today. Nice. Where's the spring? Gone, long time ago 10 seconds before alarm. Aggg... It starts well, went deep, but I can't keep the concentration for 5 min. And I think I am doing something wrong or skipping/ repeating a Talabya Kriya or Om Japa. Whatever the amazing 10 km running showed me something extraordinary about my body. I am running into a small forest/ meadow but, although there is a full moon, while running through the trees, its getting pitch back. Well, in spite of the unevenness of the running trail and the fact that I can see nothing (and carry no torch) but the tree lines on the left and on the right to keep me on the path, I manage to keep a pace of 7 min/mile. My feet will step with incredible accuracy on the ground and adapt for every small hill or hole. I have had run before on the night time but on the even-asphaltic surface and the sensation is very different. On the trial, I was feeling like flying most of the time. I am still bewildered how the body adapts itself to the ground and how the centre of balance is at work in this case. I tell you if you read this you must try it. But you take full responsibility for your health Also biking through the woods at 3 AM without any source of light is AWESOME Done that for 4 months. Moving on. Spending time on this forum. Waste of time or... yeah. Go back and finish the books. Then you return on this forum and you will have what to talk about (cheesy smile face) Ciao!
  11. Finally, spring is here; or is summer already?
  12. ***Dream *** I have a t shirt a pair of jeans and a jumper folded in my hand. I'm heading to a swimming pool. I enter a bar like location with odd settings. I've been here before. I know the swimming pool access is the second door on the left. The first and third door leads to game halls or biking arena. Down, next to the bar is a slot-machine area. The inside are is splited in two by a slim wall with gaps at the level of door access areas - free way on the right and table side on the left as you walk down a 5ยฐ. I went to the bar to ask for access to the pool just to realise that I have no swimming pants. Turning around I start to swear and say "Fuck You! And you, yeah and you mate fuck you and fuck you too! "to the guys that sat at different tables enjoining their beers and walking back at a 5% up gradient to the exit door. Reaching the end of the building I see I am blocked because there is no door on the table side so I have to turn around more agitated and get out on the free way side. Outside, two girls are closing the doors of an SUV similar to a Mercedes GLA350 black, with foiled windows,pissed off by me not having paid them attention. I know them; school colleagues. Anyway, I bent down to lace my shooes and then I start to run but not before saying something along the lines "if you wish hatred, you get sorrow - or as you saw, so shall you reap". Motivation? I have been notice, while preparing myself to run, that the window of the car and the roof panel was getting crack open, so I knew that those girls want to listen to what I am saying. From there on I start to babble in my semi conscious state till the alarm went off after one hour of sleep.
  13. Meditation was a bit unsettling, the rest of the day just flew. One more working night then rest. Or maybe learning. Remember the goal? Life purpose? Sounds familiar? Leave the Easter bunny for playboys, you have a purpose ;don't 'ya?