How to have fun without alchol/stimulants?

[meow_meow]

I'm 31 yr old, male, single, middle class income, no kids.

So I'm stuck in a cycle where every 10 - 15 days of not socializing I start to feel the urges to have some fun and socialize and I do believe that this is completely normal, however, whenever I reconnect with my mates we of course drink which often leads to party drugs like coke or molly, sometimes gambling.

The whole situation doesn't seem to be THAT bad or serious, the problem is that I'm starting to get sick of it and been trying to quit at least the party drug things and to drink less, however, nothing seems to work.

I seem to put myself in the same situations over and over again. It feels like the stronger I push myself the more the alco and druggies come back.

Whenever the 10  - 15 days pass I have no clue how to have some fun and socialize without substances - If i reconnect with my mates is almost certain that alcohol/drugs will get abused (and its not their fault). I've of course googled and chatGPT'd the most basic things and I can tell for sure they don't work for me.

My triggers are boredom and a need to socialize.

Has anyone here been in my situation? Have you managed to reorganize your lifestyle? How did you do it and how do you spend your weekends?

Thank you,
Cheers!

Edited November 28, 2023 by meow_meow

[flowboy]

16 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

Have you managed to reorganize your lifestyle?

Yes. Some years ago I was drinking and snorting speed every second week-end or so.

Now, I don't do any of that shit and have not for 4 or 5 years.

I might have a few drinks once a month.

18 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

How did you do it

I stopped hanging out with people who do party drugs.

First I moved to a different city, which was enough to lose touch with them.

Then I even moved to a different country.

19 minutes ago, meow_meow said:

how do you spend your weekends?

Besides the mundane stuff like gym, household chores and grocery shopping: playing chess / reading at coffee places, going to the movies / spa with girlfriend, talking and having non-alcoholic drinks with friends, going for the occasional hike, doing some work for my business.

 

But besides that, I think the real answer is "I started having a really important reason to not get fucked up on the weekends" - basically, I started entrepreneuring and know that nothing will come of my ambitions if I don't spend my leisure time in a healthy way.

If you've got a kushy job and no ambitions to work on on the side, also no children, I don't see a compelling reason why you would quit partying.

Why do you want to?

[meow_meow]

30 minutes ago, flowboy said:

But besides that, I think the real answer is "I started having a really important reason to not get fucked up on the weekends" - basically, I started entrepreneuring and know that nothing will come of my ambitions if I don't spend my leisure time in a healthy way.

If you've got a kushy job and no ambitions to work on on the side, also no children, I don't see a compelling reason why you would quit partying.

Why do you want to?

Yeah man i feel you - I guess life purpose is what it boils down to, and romantic relationships.
I want to quit because we all know how brutal the comedowns and hangovers can be, and they've gotten way worse since I hit 30 also I can see where this is leading if I don't stop. The holes in the budget they leave are not pleasant either.

To be honest the few people from my social circle who've managed to quit this shit and managed to lead a proper lifestyle all have relocated and gotten in to relationships or turned to religion.

Searching for purpose is an ongoing process without any significant results yet, I guess dating it is.

Any tips?

[cjoseph90]

Yh like flowboy mentioned above, its about Directing your energy in diferentes places. Having a purpose, or working towards a goal. I know how u feel though its so easy to use stimulants, booze to lift your mood in the moment. Something i struggle with sometimes. But I really value my health and well being, so while ill maybe have a drink or 2 once or twice a month. I think more of the long term effects of the instante gratification.

Wish you the Best

[koops]

If you are serious about this...

-Check out this video.

-Introspect DEEPLY on it for a few hours.

-Write down action steps.

-And take a few small steps on the direction you decided.

 

 

Don't just do it once.

Do it at least 4 times (once a week) in the next month.

 

You will see great results.

 

 

[nistake]

Quit drinking cold turkey a few years ago, never regretted it for a second. Though I must add that I didn't have a problem with it per se. I just realized one day that drinking made me sleepy and dull. Let alone the hangovers. So I asked myself: why do I even drink?

Anyway, I believe that it may not that easy for you, however there's no easy solution, I think.  Either you make a firm decision that you stop drinking/taking drugs and stick to it, or you'll probably keep drinking. Sit down, contemplate your lifestyle, your decisions, maybe write about it.

[Kksd74628]

@meow_meow

First thing, never take molly in your life again.

[flowboy]

5 hours ago, meow_meow said:

I want to quit because we all know how brutal the comedowns and hangovers can be, and they've gotten way worse since I hit 30 also I can see where this is leading if I don't stop. The holes in the budget they leave are not pleasant either.

Good reasons, but proven to be not good enough to make you stop.

It's good to acknowledge this.

No judgment here.

5 hours ago, meow_meow said:

Searching for purpose is an ongoing process without any significant results yet

Why?

Could the lack of significant results be blamed on the partying?

How many small bets could you have made if you hadn't been partying or hung over?

5 hours ago, meow_meow said:

Any tips?

If you want to make a successful change, it's good to think of yourself not as one person, but as a system of people.

You have many different modes.

Right now, you can contemplate and come up with all these good reasons to not want to do this partying and drugs anymore, but your friday-night-and-bored self is a different person with different priorities, and will not value these contemplations as highly, if he remembers them at all.

Therefore, to change a system, make a systemic change.

Cut contact with the party friends and consider relocating. Anything less is probably not going to work.

Once you cut contact, you will need other people to socialize with.

I certainly did. The hole needs to be filled.

So you need to fall in with a healthier crowd.

I went to a bunch of retreats and activities through which I made more ambitious friends with a healthier lifestyle.

You need a couple of those too, so that your need to socialize is covered.

And find a compelling "why" for yourself.

If you want to have a life purpose the way Leo defines it, go do the course and execute, no excuses.

If you don't need a life purpose a la Leo, that's fine too, then find another compelling why / vision, and find new friends with similar values and goals.

Edited November 28, 2023 by flowboy

[StarStruck]

Find God. That will make your consciousness vibrate on a higher frequency and you won't be attracted to low consciousness substances.

[Snader]

I’ve managed to quit/minimize all the unhealthy drugs and time wasting activity by becoming busy with more important stuff and also by becoming disgusted by the untruthness of many of that stuff.

[Thought Art]

I find it just takes being sober more and realizing it's actually pretty great

[Leo Gura]

I've socialized for years without alcohol or drugs. You just have to train yourself to build up state.

Edited November 29, 2023 by Leo Gura

[meow_meow]

16 hours ago, flowboy said:

Cut contact with the party friends and consider relocating. Anything less is probably not going to work.

Once you cut contact, you will need other people to socialize with.

I certainly did. The hole needs to be filled.

So you need to fall in with a healthier crowd.

I went to a bunch of retreats and activities through which I made more ambitious friends with a healthier lifestyle.

Could you please elaborate on this more? What retreats and activities? Are you a social person (I'm assuming you are)? How old were you? How did you meet your girlfriend?

My main goal is to actually hear some success stories to see what could work for me, because as I've already mentioned nothing has worked up to this point, and for the most people who I know that have managed to change this it's either religion or relocating and cutting contact.

Many thanks!

[flowboy]

8 hours ago, meow_meow said:

most people who I know that have managed to change this it's either religion or relocating and cutting contact.

I’m no exception. I think that’s the move.

Could you please elaborate on this more? What retreats and activities?

I went to TNT level 1,2, then 5 and 4, then 1 and 2 again. (Thenewtantra.com)

Gained 4-6 friends there who are into spirituality and business.

I went to Puja Lepp’s Primal childhood deconditioning retreat, which is the best therapy retreat I have ever heard of or come across. (Pujalepp.com)

Gained one really good friend there.

I went to Toastmasters and gained a friend there, he invited me to a men’s group and gained another friend there.

I went to a 10 week acting course and gained a good friend there. All these people are still good friends and replaced the drug friends.

 

Are you a social person (I'm assuming you are)?

I’m not a recluse, but I’m more the tight inner circle of 4-6 kind of guy , I’m not extraverted. Although I suppose I have about 8 close friends, but not all of them I talk to every week/month.

 

How old were you?

I was 26.

 

How did you meet your girlfriend?
 

She PM’d me on this forum because she liked my journal.

[flowboy]

@An young being I didn’t. Just corrected it. Maybe one of the mods trolled me by changing it when they assigned me all those warning points? Dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

[Dioxide2533]

Maybe keep doing the same but with more benign versions.

For example for alcohol, you can reduce the hangovers by having only specific drinks that produce less of it, like vodka, tequila or gin. And take them with plenty of water and a NAC supplement. (I heard this from John Anthony, tried myself and it works). Also have a bit less drinks.

For stimulants, maybe stick to just caffeine with the drinks.

Edited November 29, 2023 by Dioxide2533

[meow_meow]

On 11/29/2023 at 8:11 PM, flowboy said:

I’m no exception. I think that’s the move.

Could you please elaborate on this more? What retreats and activities?

I went to TNT level 1,2, then 5 and 4, then 1 and 2 again. (Thenewtantra.com)

Gained 4-6 friends there who are into spirituality and business.

I went to Puja Lepp’s Primal childhood deconditioning retreat, which is the best therapy retreat I have ever heard of or come across. (Pujalepp.com)

Gained one really good friend there.

I went to Toastmasters and gained a friend there, he invited me to a men’s group and gained another friend there.

I went to a 10 week acting course and gained a good friend there. All these people are still good friends and replaced the drug friends.

 

Are you a social person (I'm assuming you are)?

I’m not a recluse, but I’m more the tight inner circle of 4-6 kind of guy , I’m not extraverted. Although I suppose I have about 8 close friends, but not all of them I talk to every week/month.

 

How old were you?

I was 26.

 

How did you meet your girlfriend?
 

She PM’d me on this forum because she liked my journal.

Woah, that's fascinating! Probably should give those retreats a try. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story with me and hope you do even better in the future!

Cheers!

[Nemra]

@meow_meow

I can only say to try to be less addicted to anything, but also don't be moralistic about it and do as you please as long as it doesn't bring too much suffering.

I think the real solution is balancing. Know what you can handle.

Just know the reason behind why you do it to its crazy deepest levels. You might do the same thing, but you will see it differently.

[Princess Arabia]

We can have fun with alcohol stimulants too. Too much of anything isn't recommended, but who's to say what's too much. Only you.

Edited December 3, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[flowboy]

2 hours ago, meow_meow said:

Woah, that's fascinating! Probably should give those retreats a try. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story with me and hope you do even better in the future!

Cheers!

Thanks Yes, highly recommended.