flowboy

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Everything posted by flowboy

  1. @Alex bAlex I just saw your post and tried to change the nickname, cause it was such a good idea apparently not an option... @ValiantSalvatore Thank you for the supportive words. I do want to end it forever... thank you for the tip!
  2. Why does the majority of people doing a self-actualization journal appear to be nuts? Well, I am one of them now, so I guess I'll find out. The bad I have started attempts at implementing habits that I wanted since I was 19. I am 26 now. The years in between I have spent anxious, occasionally depressed, constantly having so much chaos in my mind that I felt I had no choice but run away. Running away meant eating random shit, smoking a lot, drinking, getting caught up in drama, and a LOT of binging TV and youtube. All the while not even being able to get up early for work consistently, or brush my teeth for that matter. There's a part of me that believes I am 'cursed', destined to live a mediocre life as an unhealthy heavily neurotic lonely person, that I don't deserve to be healthy because I've been a smoker, and I'm lazy, and so on. When I listen to this part, I can hardly get out of bed and I brush my teeth/shower only every few days. Also I never do dishes or clean up, so being at home for me is navigating through the mess, trying to close my eyes to it and distract myself with TV as much as possible. All this went on while I had relationships and did have my share of social fun. Having people over just means scrambling to hide the shameful uncontrolled mess. I've stayed up entire nights without sleep, trying to force myself to clean up or vacuum. Or cook. My mailbox has 1600 unread messages. I could go on. I've been diagnosed with ADD. I sought this diagnosis because it fit: in highschool I could spend five hours staring at one math problem, not understanding the words that I read. I wasn't lazy, I wanted to fucking do my homework! I just couldn't bring my mind to it. In hindsight I should have eaten less bread probably, might have helped. Anyway. I've been on and off ritalin and dextroamphetamine many times. It does me no good in the long run. At best it just blindly increases my enthusiasm for EVERYTHING, which does not help me with controlling my focus and being selective at all. At its worst, those medications have altered my personality to not be interested in my partner and turn me in a workaholic, which fucked up my relationship and my health. My conclusion is I have to face this propensity I have for chaos, and handle it. Without drugs. The good In recent months I have been working on my vision, trying to get a purpose clearer and clearer. I have been eating clean(er) and going to the gym regularly, which helped my mood a lot. The past week I've even written down everything I eat, and with that awareness I put on it I was motivated to eat even cleaner. The result has been that some days I have felt AMAZING for like no reason except a good morning routine and no bad food. I don't even need coffee anymore. I have been a non-smoker for almost 5 days now. Things are looking up. My goals: Eat fucking clean. No grains, no dairy, no sugar, no coffee, no alcohol. Drink water, sparkling water or tea. Meditate daily Concentration practice daily Give up TV and read instead Keep a life plan/vision, year plan, week plan, and daily schedules. Not knowing what I should be doing is the nr 1 cause of anxiety for me currently. Learn some basic yoga asanas. Do this in the morning. Increase self expression. I've started practicing public speaking. Maybe I want to start a blog too. Learn to drive Do prayer, and other gratefulness practices to keep me humble and in flow Weight training at least 3 times a week. This is almost an addiction at this point: I need it to regulate my mood. Stay a non-smoker Formulate a business plan and execute on it. Can't be a wage slave forever. Learn pickup. I need this for my soul. I'm tired of making excuses to not talk to a girl So, my intention is to update here on my progress and to keep 'stats' of how many hours I spent on the activities above. Let's see how it goes! I feel energized!
  3. Final score of this week: 44%. I did a thorough cleaning of the rest of my schedule, so I was able to have productive days for the rest of the week. Even though I am totally flaking on my routines (I even go out for coffee before I have showered, stuff like that), it's very nice to just know which 3 things have to be accomplished today. I feel so much more relaxed and positive. Thanks to the week schedule, I packed my suitcase two days in advance!! For all other recent trips I've postponed it until the night before my flight. I would get no sleep and have a night of stressed-out packing. This is just so much better. Well, off to Primal Childhood Deconditioning Intensive! No coffee, tea, alcohol, smoking, meat for a week No phone or other internet access for a week No TALKING for a week!! It will be tough. See you on the other side
  4. @Sauvik If this is your true passion then there's no reason to wait on coaching people. You can start right away. And see how that goes: maybe your students get laid a lot when they go out with you! That's real results. Then you can start charging money. If you can do that without pretending to have more experience than you actually do, seems like a good path
  5. I vote YES for starting your company versus waiting. But, I would not want to learn from you. You're not a badass at the level that I expect from a pickup teacher. 4 girls you slept with in 1.5 years? That's nothing bro. Average Chump style. You seem to be good looking so I'd expect more results from you even without learning any game. I pull more ass than that being my autistic self. I'm not trying to put you down, by the way. More sex is definitely not always better, and I believe that you are doing great. BUT... your prospective customers are NOT going to think so. They will only pay to learn from someone with the ability to be a full-on gangster (in their eyes) and you aren't there yet. Personally I wouldn't feel good teaching something I don't master. But it's your call. You could start pickup groups/lairs and start wingmanning/coaching people like crazy. Then if at some point they want to pay you for it, you'll know you have something. Pickup coaches here make offers like: "Go out one night with me and you'll get laid, guaranteed or your money back." That's pretty compelling. Can you offer that quality of coaching?
  6. @Jed Vassallo Sounds like you had that figured out even if it turned out not to be fulfilling. Care to share what I need to wear, where I should live, and what I should do for a living for an optimal sex life?
  7. It may not have occurred to you, but if you FULLY believed that you are AWESOME, getting ignored or rejected would not hurt ONE bit. It would just be funny. So, you have to investigate. What is it that needs to happen for you to believe that you are awesome? If you don't know this, start working on it. Action is needed. A man on his path, on track with his purpose doesn't have self esteem issues. Have you figured out your purpose yet, and are you actively working on it? Are you happy with your friends and relationships? Are you happy with the way you spend your time, or do you secretly hate yourself for being lazy? Are you happy with the actions you take/don't take? These are just examples of things you can investigate. And then, solve the root of the problem! Take action until you feel good about yourself. It's not just about meditation and introspection. You need to actually go get your shit together. By your OWN standards.
  8. I can clearly notice the "I tried" way of thinking that I've been made aware of. I planned to pack my bag today, but if it gets too hard, I would normally just say that "at least I made a start" and postpone it till tomorrow. That shit needs to go. It enables unrealistic planning habits and living in a fantasy. If I said I was going to do something today, I will do it today. Today my score was 5/5. I spent the entire evening packing my bag, the 3d item on my list for today. I also got done two of the optional items! My score for this week so far is 40% of things accomplished, but if tomorrow goes right I can achieve 50%. That's higher than I have had since I started measuring. I'm aiming to learn to shrink my lists and accomplish more, so I close the gap from both sides and become a person that does what they say they will do. To myself as well as to others.
  9. Okay, if this is your reasoning then your reaction makes sense, kind of. I'm here to tell you, it's wrong. That "few second decision" bullshit is a myth that mainstream society indoctrinates you with. It's wrong. So you would really help yourself by letting go of that belief. The real reason that women don't respond well (may even roll their eyes) the first minutes of an interaction, is because hot girls are harassed by guys ALL DAY LONG. From the moment they wake up to when they go to sleep, guys will be trying to get their attention with lame pickup lines and excuses like asking what time it is. Wouldn't you get tired of that shit? It's like being called by telemarketers all day, every day. The problem is that 99% of those guys that approach them don't have the balls to show their real personality. They utter a lame pickup line and then they have nothing to say. So what you're experiencing is a defense mechanism against the constant stream of lame guys trying to steal her time. It's a filter. You can get past it by not taking it personally and just keep talking and show some personality. Then she will see that maybe you're not as lame as the 99%.
  10. You missed my point there, hah. Why should she be, if she doesn't even fucking know you? Until she understands that you are cool, you're just as interesting as a telemarketer or a hobo on the street to her.
  11. Doctor, it hurts if I do this! Don't do that then.
  12. So you don't feel entitled to be with someone on her level of attractiveness. I can relate. It is wasted time to try to convince yourself otherwise mentally. The proof is in the pudding. There is no shortcut for experience. When you do get another partner at that level, you will believe it. There is no "convincing yourself" to be done. What you are to do is FTOW.
  13. How is that rejection? Without you even talking to her? Pretty narcissistic to expect everyone to stop and look at you. Remember, girls are people. They have busy schedules and to-do lists in their mind just like you. It is not rejection unless someone knows who you are as a person and then tells you they want nothing to do with you. So unless you spent time talking and getting to know each other, it means nothing. My guess is that you incorrectly assume that looking/not looking means something (it doesn't). So you think that it means that they don't want you (while in reality they don't fucking know you), and you get annoyed so much because you're scared that they're right. That you're not good enough for her.
  14. Someone explain this 🍌 thing to me 🤣
  15. It could be a temporary drop in motivation. How long have you felt this way? For your purpose you will have to be able to grind through the boring parts, no matter what path you choose. I recommend staying fully engaged with music WHILE doing the Life Purpose Course. Can you pull that off? Are you living at home/on your own? Have to work/study a lot or no?
  16. @Mikael89 I'm assuming there's a side to you that wants to actually fight and push forward. You've tried the direct way. It seems no women like you right now. Which makes sense in your current state of mind. What you can do is improve your male friendships! I'm not kidding. Close friendships with men who reasonably have their shit together will do SO MUCH to grow you. And you don't have to do it all on your own anymore. You will absorb better attitudes by being around your friends They can help course-correct you when you're stuck in negativity They will push you to become a man on his own path It will make you more grounded You're the average of the 5 people you see the most. Forget about girls for awhile and focus on friendships with mentally healthy men who don't have problems with women. Stop hanging out with the other ones who drag you down. Do that and in 6 months you will be a more attractive person. Because getting girls shouldn't be something you have to fight hard for. It should happen naturally. The nuanced truth is that it comes naturally to those who have their life together, with healthy friendships and a purpose. (Or can we expect a "I haven't had friends for 30 years" thread next? )
  17. Seems like a good decision! Can you do it? Let us know how this goes. Exactly! That's the risk. But, it's HIS risk, not yours. If you prioritize taking care of yourself first, which is what I recommend, then either one way or the other you will be in a committed relationship. With someone else or him. You don't have to worry about that. YOU can't. He can. But he's not the one posting this thread, is he
  18. @rabbitat That seems very wise to me. I agree they are lessons. I've been taught that when I receive feedback I don't want to hear, I can: Assume that it's true. How does that make me feel? If it triggers me, I have work to do. If it is not true, then it won't even hurt and the feedback will just naturally fall away That said, I think it's important to discern constructive (harsh) feedback from attempts to drag you down to their level. The first I try to love, the latter I see as energy wasted.
  19. @rabbitat What did they say?
  20. I don't mean this as negative and judgmental as the title perhaps sounds. I'm also not complaining. I'm just noticing some things in myself and others and wonder whether our forefathers would laugh at us for that shit. Basically, I'm wondering whether the generations from the "babyboomers" onwards are generally a lot weaker mentally than those before that. Some symptoms: Procrastination is socially acceptable. It seems to me that it's the norm to identify as a procrastinator. Being lazy is socially acceptable. Having trouble with focus/being distracted is also very common. Victimhood and excuse making around this subject is generally accepted in the mainstream. Books like 'Deep Work' are necessary these days to inspire people to use their time for something productive. Kinda crazy if you think about it. People have to be taught how to get off their bum, socialize and meet people from the other sex. My grandpa didn't do a lot of pickup training, I bet. It seems everyone is slightly depressed and anxious these days (myself included) Punishing your child for bad behaviour seems to be socially unacceptible now As far as I can tell, schools are moving towards making competition taboo and rewarding everyone equally for participating in contests Women whom I meet complain about men crying after sex, or being extremely needy/creepy Women whom I meet are surprised that I'm able to state clearly what I want, apparently that's not the norm Complaining about "friend zone", red-pill, mgtow and incels, all that victimhood shit is becoming popular Books like 'No More Mr Nice Guy' are necessary to help the epidemic of people with problematic pleasing behaviour Too many people are labelled with ADD these days, and use that as an excuse to not get their shit together. Watching TV and playing videogames for many hours a day is normal, there's no shame around it it seems I'm guilty of most of the above, so don't get me wrong. Just thinking about how crazy these actually are, compared to real survival-threatening problems. I discussed this with a friend last night. She made a good point that we may be flooded with information thanks to the internet and media, that that may cause us to malfunction in this way. Personally I think most of us are not brought up with a sense of urgency, and are just way too comfortable. Maybe because we haven't had a war in a while? (I'm talking from the perspective of my own country) I'm interested in: More symptoms if you can name some more Different perspectives: what do you think? Are we a weak-minded generation compared to our grandparents', or not at all? Counterexamples Possible causes you can think of EDIT: I should clarify that I'm talking about people in modern 1st world societies.
  21. 5 Months Of Self-Actualization Journal I thought it would be nice to evaluate my progress. These goals I have not yet succeeded in, or am not consistent in yet: These goals I have met successfully already: Differences between me now and me back then: Anxiety of not having a plan completely gone. I make weekly schedules and keep prioritized lists, and feel pretty on top of things! Taught myself how to shop for healthy food, and this is my default now Anxiety and negative self-talk related to not approaching women significantly diminished I finally managed to choose between learning business first or learning pickup first (chose the former) Gained insight on why I had so many requirements for myself, and am finally able to pick a single thing to work on at a time I feel like a man instead of a boy I'm okay with being awkward sometimes, find it funny and don't dwell on it I speak my mind clearly and provide clarity to others without worry I'm completely confident that I'm not missing out by not having a relationship. I feel complete I have a clear idea of what I'm going to focus on for the rest of the year, and I'm excited I have trust that I can find women to have sex with if I would be so inclined
  22. If that's what he wants, he should have no problem if you find intimacy with someone else and keep him as a friend. Best solution for everyone? Do you feel like you have options, sexually, or do you feel like it would be hard to meet someone new?
  23. I have done hardly any of my habits for the past 6 days. I also failed to put checkmarks into my phone for them. And I'm still smoking today. I plan to quit tonight, have a smoke free weekend and then go to the Primal retreat where I won't be allowed to smoke for 7 days anyway. So that's lucky, I guess. I can feel my body collecting toxins and my lungs filling with dust. It's creepy, really. To think that I lived like this for years...yuck. Habit Streaks Week 18 (Consecutive days > 2) No Peak Orgasm: 10 days! The tenth day I sort of came during sex, but I was able to hold most of it in, so I give myself points for that No Porn: 21 days! That's all unfortunately. Weekly Schedule I am still happy about making this my main focus, and it's going alright. Sometimes I fail to look at it, but I'm still committed. I am determined to keep the number of things per day way down. I am using the same method at work now (a separate, parallel org-mode document that has 2-3 things per work day) and I like it.
  24. Why do you think this has anything to do with you? From a written question without a face or any behavioral cues, there is not so much metadata to be gleaned that the concept of these people being attracted to "you" makes sense. What would drive the "smart" people away? Your phrasing? Two guesses I can think of: You're a perfectionist and none of the responses seem smart to you, because in your mind you are sure you know better anyway. If this is the case then making threads doesn't even make sense to do The other forum simply doesn't have the "smart" people you are looking for
  25. I have no doubt that he knows everything about life in Syria. I do doubt, however, that he is an authority on: Helplessness vs taking action Inner game of making sacrifices to go for what you want "Changing people" Leaving Syria (as I understand, he still lives there) ...any more than the rest of us.