Flowerfaeiry

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  1. I'm sitting here in tears thinking about how I got into this situation. I have this complex about myself that insists I am better than that type of drama. But I attracted this into my life because I still haven't worked through a lot of the pain I have from my childhood. I recently moved into a home with 3 roommates. I noticed right away after moving in that I had gotten myself into a situation that I was trying to move away from, drinking and partying. But at the point of my realization, I had already moved in and was settled. In a new city, all by myself. Okay, I should be alright, right? Well, I have a history of using drugs and alcohol and I feel a very strong pull to do those things when I am around them. I thought I could just, not do it, and live in the house regardless. But I was needy, I wanted friends, and my roommates were partying so why wouldn't I join? I tried to not get involved but I was just drawn to the things happening all around me. This girl punched me because she didn't like me being friendly to her. I take full responsibility for it. I walked up to her, she was drunk, high and angry. I smiled at her. She called me a bitch and punched me. I didn't react. It's my fault for trying to prove to her that I am a nice person... I deserve that. I moved out the next day. But now I'm living in a hotel, alone in a new state. I keep turning inwards and looking at how I got myself into this situation. And it's a little overwhelming to see all the ways in which I am at fault for all my drama. I just feel like I should be over this by now. I've been really putting work in for 3 years but have been into spirituality for 10+ years. To think that all those years were just me lying to myself about how "spiritual and good" I am just pains me. I'm a liar to myself first and then to those around me. As a tall, white, pretty girl I have this look that makes me seem like I have my life together. But I am suffering deeply, and the only reason I'm not a homeless drug addict is because I have a really good support system. I just feel like such a fake.
  2. I predict that in many many years humans will not rely on animal foods. But im talking hundreds of years. There are way too many people who actually need to eat animal foods to thrive. I used to be vegan. For 5 years. I'm of Norwegian decent. My hair thinned out and my digestion got out of whack without animal foods. I had a hard time eating enough for my slender frame. It just doesn't make sense at this stage in our human evolution. I dont see anything wrong with killing a cow for food. We are highly sensitive to this type of video because we don't see killing like at all in our society.
  3. Is it possible you are saying I love you to everything all at once? I say thank you and I love you all the time
  4. Good ideas. Thanks. I sound sweet? Lol. Thanks for the advice tho.
  5. This is SO helpful. Thank you! I really like the idea of looking at it like this. I've thought about pulling back a little. But I'm not trying to play pick me games too much
  6. So there's this guy who I'm interested in and I've made it clear I'm interested. We actually had sex already. I don't mind pursuing but at what point do I stop and let him pursue me? If he doesn't pursue me does that mean he's not that interested?
  7. I used to be a walker and would walk many hours per day. Sometimes I listened to music or listened to audi books in Spanish to help me learn a new language. But, I really like walking in silence. Use the time to contemplate, like you mention. Also, use the time to walk mindfully. Breath while you walk, stop and smell the roses so to speak. Walking in New and different directions will keep things interesting and spark new ideas.
  8. Talking about being honest with yourself with where you are at in life. Not getting ahead of yourself. This is a big one for me. He also touches on the depth of the amount of work he has put into actualized.org. If you had any doubts before about how hard he works, you won't now. His work ethic alone is inspiring. The other part of this video that I really like is reminding us that actualized.org is not about him, but about the ideas.
  9. Then go play! That's the whole point of playing, forget about the rules and get out of your head, beyond ideas of what you "should" be doing.
  10. Yea for sure! I totally see it like this as well. In fact watching her has made me think about how I have put my beauty on display because I wanted attention. And It's almost like the more I was sort of careless around my beauty, the less beautiful I actually felt. Keeping a mystery about it actually amps up the beauty. In fact watching this woman I'm like damn, she's hot as f lol.
  11. Love is what is always present. It's like a fan that is constantly blowing. Fear is a block to Love. It's like if someone put a piece of cardboard in front of the fan. The fan (love) is still there, blowing away, but the airflow has been blocked by fear (the cardboard).
  12. Doing heart centered meditation helps cultivate that kind of love in your every day life. Sometimes i feel so much that it's unsettling, like I don't know what to do with all the love.
  13. Wow I would love to travel there, yea I bet you do. I'm from Seattle and there are lots of women wearing hijab there, and at school I saw a couple niquabis but that was I think the only time I've seen it. At the time I thought, how extreme... Hahaha! So funny how we make stuff up like that. As children and as adults lol.
  14. He posted a video about the experience on his blog