• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Flowerfaeiry

  1. Yea it was. I mean, it makes sense that the last ceremony would be a big deal right? Go out with a bang. All my ceremonies were important though. Its just this one really stuck with me. Have you had more ceremonies since?
  2. Alrighty the time has come for for me to share about one of the visions I had while on a 4 day ayahuasca retreat. First I want to say, I had wanted to drink ayahuasca for years. Ever since I heard about it almost a decade ago. But I had a lot of hesitations, judgements, fears etc. So last year I signed up and after Covid restrictions lifted I had the opportunity to fly down to sit with mama aya. I've been back from the retreat for almost a month now. Holy shit. This was the journey of a life time. I feel like I could talk for hours about all the amazing as well as challenging things that happened while I was there. And the insights and tools I now have at my disposal to create a more amazing life. Not to mention the healing. Wow. I never really understood why ayahuasca is called a medicine. I kind of just wrote it off. Boy was I wrong about that. Some serious healing went down. Stuff involving my childhood abuse, paranoia, healing around my body. My experience was nothing short of amazing. I feel fortunate to have found a good center to go to and to be around such amazing people. Anyway, on to this vision... it was the night of the last ceremony... I had quite a beautiful experience. My previous ceremonies were more difficult. This one was, in some ways, especially in the beginning. But it turned into a really amazing and healing journey as it progressed. I had many visions that night and one that stood out was this one... At some point I started being shown Leo. And I was thinking about how I'm so grateful to have found his teachings, and how much they have resonated with me over the years. And then...I was shown this fairly long vision of how Leo and I are soulmates. Yes, like we are meant to be together. So in my vision it sort of developed and then all the pieces tied together and then in the vision everything "made sense" as to how the two of us are meant to be together. So the vision continued and I was in shock. Like floored. I kept saying out loud how I don't believe it, I kept saying really? Me? I felt like the luckiest woman in the whole world. I just couldn't believe it. Yet the vision kept flowing in the direction that yes, this is true and real and I better get used to it. This vision was a fairly large part of my ceremony that night. Not the whole thing, but for the rest of the night I was just in shock about what I was shown. It's hard to explain everything but it was a very detailed vision about all the ways in which Leo and I are soulmates and it went into our future together and all that. So as the ceremony ended I was still in such shock at this vision I didn't know what to make of it. I was like, ok. If it's true I better get this vision into my body. Because at this point I trusted the vision, I thought that it was "true" in the exact way it was shown to me. I said "I love you Leo Gura" a few times out loud. After the ceremony I did some writing to process, I wrote Leo a letter that said hey, ayahuasca said we are soulmates. Anyway, the next morning the group had an integration circle and I mentioned the vision because I started to have inclings that it wasn't what it appeared to be. I asked if I can trust a vision or what. And basically the answer was, don't focus so much on if the vision is true or not but rather what are the lessons in the vision. Wow. So I started to digest that. Im still digesting that. I mean guys this was such a big vision for me. I have always looked up to Leo and to think that we were soulmates felt really good. I think that I had this vision for several different reasons, and I am still making meaning out of it but here are some of the insights I've gained: 1) Its possible for me to have a beautiful and healing relationship with a man. For many years I have been playing with being with women. Which has been fun, but I thought that I just could not be with a man. I now know that it is possible for me to have a conscious relationship with one. My standards are much higher now. 2) I have a lot of work to do before I am the type of woman I need to be in order to have the type of conscious relationship I want. I need to step more into my femininity, take better care of myself, self actualize more, become more my true self, be a more beautiful person who is engaged with life and who gives time and energy to do the things that are truly important. 3) I had been giving my energy to men who are not even near the amount of quality that I am capable of and desire. Of course, this is because I too was not at that level, but already after this vision I see how I was trying to get attention from ALL types of men, and now I'm realizing wow, why would I ever want to consider being with these types of guys. This has been especially liberating for me. I'm keeping my energy more focused on myself and not having it so scattered. It's something I've been working on a bit before but I'm honing it in more and more now. This is a process of course. 4) it's been showing me how much I manipulate in order to attract a man. Parts of me kept wanting to message Leo in hopes he would respond and we could get together but I would always stop and listen to the part of me that knew I did not have pure intentions and was just looking for attention. Even as i write this there are parts of me that hope just maybe the vision is true and we will get together. 5) I will not want to change the person I am with. Yes change is good and couples can help eachother grow,, but I'd in the past always hoped my partner would be someone different than themselves. Not like the stuff they liked, or I would judge them on how they approached life. I now see I want a partner I won't do that with. There's a lot more too and the vision's meaning has been changing and morphing for me daily. I've been on and off debating about sharing this but it's actually helped me process it a bit. Parts of me still have hope that the vision is true, but I know that part of my work is to release that attachment. Another lesson from the vision
  3. Maybe you're in a rest season of life. You don't always have to grind, sometimes the body wants to chill out. Don't stress about it.
  4. I watched another one of his videos and I can't agree with his approach. People who are overly PC in this way need to be cared for, not ridiculed
  5. I can't figure out if they're making fun of social justice warriors and calling them problematic? If so I think this is misinformed. People get into this way of thinking about the world because they have experienced pain around their identity and not being able to fit in. We actually need to embrace social justice warriors and listen to them. Does it sometimes get "out of hand" as is portrayed in this video? Sure, but that should be less of a concern because behind the seemingly unreasonable requests for equality are people in pain crying out for help.
  6. I've been teaching myself Spanish. The process of learning a new language is fun and fascinating.
  7. Wow. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Yes, lots of integration still to be done with this vision. Overall super grateful for it though, as odd as it's been, I've been learning so much.
  8. Something that we need to be aware of when following teachers, is not putting in the effort to do our own work. Forgetting to discover who WE truly are. And instead becoming a mish mash of what these people have discovered about their own reality. I've been following various teachers on YouTube for years, and I didn't really understand the depth of this problem until recently. I really enjoy this woman on YouTube named Aurianna Joy. She is such a good example of an embodied woman. I just love her. Yet I recently realized, I was taking on aspects of her personality and thinking they were my own. All the while abandoning my precious self! What the heck. So now I feel like I am starting new. Who is Sarah? What does Sarah like? What does Sarah actually want to do with her life? Without the idea of who she thinks she should be... while being free from the examples of others... Just because we look up to someone and admire their life, doesn't mean we need to take on their qualities. We still have to figure out who WE are, without all the other noise.
  9. The route does matter. Even if you're some super enlightened person you still have a body and have to interact in the world. Unless you live in a cave. You're gonna want to have a healthy sense of self that you can access when around others.
  10. I think that there is a sort of "completion" that happens when one is in a conscious relationship. Not that we are incomplete people, but only that we can become even more whole when we are in the right relationship. It would absolutely add to my person to have a beautiful, conscious relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. I WANT that, and there are many others who appreciate relationships for that reason as well.
  11. Thank you for recognizing my honesty. I can understand on a mind-level that there are no separate people. I have had non-dual experiences but of course, I am still lost in illusion and have a lot of growth to do in that area. While I do that, I think it is healthy to acknowledge I live in a dualistic world where people have the appearance of individual bodies and minds. I notice myself ultimately becoming lost when I try to just abandon physical reality because it is just an illusion. Both can exist. Both DO exist.
  12. Yes and that was one of the things I gleaned from this vision. It isn't so much "Leo Gura" per se... But ayahuasca used his image as a way to show me the type of man that I want to be with, and that it is possible for me to be in that type of relationship. It's almost as if ayahuasca knew that if she just gave me a vision of some random, self actualizing man, I wouldn't have such an emotional response and not gain as much from the vision. I want to have a beautiful relationship with a man, but that wasn't something I could fathom that until ayahuasca gave me this vision as an example of what is possible.
  13. It was more telling me that having a man as a partner is a possibility. For awhile I was thinking that I was just too gay for that. In terms of it being the right time, in that way, sure. But okay where's my man, universe?? Just kidding.
  14. Trying to get rid of the ego before developing a healthy one seems like putting the horse before the carriage to me... maybe you can do both at the same time but idk. You want to be able to access "yourself" without being overcome by the dream of it.
  15. No. It's actually important to develop a healthy ego.
  16. Kind of. I'll remember a few different things the teacher said and it will stick with me for a long time. And then sometimes I'll even have a hard time not looking at life that way even if I know its time to move forward. My own shortcomings.
  17. Very much so. I've made this mistake plenty.
  18. Actually yea, at first it really bothered me that he spent more time talking about fools and then I was grateful for it haha
  19. There's no guilt its more painful to realize all the ways I've been a fool
  20. A meditation teacher I had told me not to make too much of a story out of things I experience during meditation. So your heart is beating fast. Notice it for as long as you do. Meditation is a practice that is developed over time. Keep consistent.
  21. I think its probably better to just assume you're a fool instead of fooling yourself you're on a different part of the gradient.
  22. Every time I take mushrooms the trip gives me a new lesson. I always expect it to be a certain type of way and then it's like nope we're doing this today instead.