AndylizedAAY

@Leo GuraTo summarize, I asked for permission and the mistake can make it look like I didn't due to the story and technical details. I apoligize if my long post makes it sound like I make excuses from this simple solution but of course it seems legitimate to me.

@enchantedHave you been keeping track of this? Can you please give some examples of my posts listing too many problems for people to deal with?

@WillCameron This only seems to beg the question why other topic starters can have a conversation last longer but not me. Is it because I haven't participated in other conversations enough? I haven't been keeping track of it if I find something to say in other conversations I will. Although I've gained spiritual insights, have they already been said on the forum. I have some really deep questions I came up with the life purpose course if you're interested but I didn't finish answering all 100 of them yet. Basically the goal of these kinds of posts is to see what people find valueable here and go with that instead of the goal being questionable with this post ironically. By the way, since I'm talking about my posts in general, what do you think about this following scenario and would this post help me avoid the feeling of resentment or only draw me towards it? My Dad was okay with me making purchases so it wasn't the mistake. I guess my posts can either be high quality or pointless but maybe I'm just self-contious because of past experiences.

@enchanted I meant the language of where I live. Thank you for your support, but I still feel the need to edit my response because I think that I would be complete as of now even it makes me seem crazy. I should be closer to completing the life purpose course by now even the day I made my response and I guess I'm starting to feel better. I guess poor mental health can make things more addicting if I lack direction but maybe the life purpose course can fix that (what I will edit is what I want to emphasize why this activity is addicting which will be easier to do then making a seperate response but everything else seems to fit with that I guess). Also, I don't remember my posts listing way too many problems for people to deal with. I don't want to forget about this "stupid forum" because it's worth sharing while I took a break from it that I further see the everything to be nothing that I would like to share on this forum. I basically think that this is the absence of the absence itself and that all duality are absences of each other manifested as the absence and presence of absence which is how everything includes nothingness. Also, I now know to look forward to the new course about reprogramming the subconscious mind that Leo promised to implement his videos that he said was sitting half completed for a long time that I either didn't know or forgot about so I guess further using the forum was worth it.

Hello once again, I would like to know how much high quality content I make on this forum. It might be hard to answer because it's been a while but you can look at my profile. Do you think that conversations I post in are things I don't understand based on the topics I do start and is it even possible for you to answer to question? Now that I'm back, I would like to add value on this platform as best as I can, thank you.

As far as I know, high heels are usually a sign of vulnerability but for me, it's strength. Even if any of this content in this post isn't true, it's just my perception. I see high heels as a form of higher pain tolerance and that they probably hurt. Being barefoot without it seems like desensitivity towards being tickleish and the sensory input from my autism makes me think of myself as possibly more tickleish but I don't know and high heels have a tradeoff to some degree of increasing both strength and tickleishness. This impression has more lee way and that I also see self control coming from it and that it doesn't have to be one or the other. I find self-control to be attractive which correlates with strength in my mind which creates an exception to allow beauty and strength to correlate. I emphasize strength more than tickleishness to feel it and that strength is deserved by those who work for it. I also emphasize it because strength goes with self-control to overpower the hand so even if this isn't true, I find feet to be stronger than the intensity of getting tickled but this gap is bigger for men if that were to be the case. Also, it's probably a 50/50 chance without comparing men and women because it's soreness vs being tickled. I also see high heels as less of a sign of vulnerability because the feet get stronger and probably get less tickleish over time. What I find addictive for masterbation is that I like to think on pressing them presisely because they look cute and soft which is compatible with everything else I said because I find self-control to be attractive. The feet are both very strong and tickleish. For men, strength is emphasized while for women is tickleishness but based on this response, I focus both on women even though men are stronger. I think that if the muscles can still move, its stronger than the tickle which is sometimes the case. I usually just look at high heels without consciously thinking of this and that I just want to think of these ideas without reacting to it or have it feel hollow either. The meta comparison of women getting compared to men and also not is what allows this strength perception for men to be perceived to be even stronger but devoid of these interesting ideas as I see it. I would probably want to break the illusion to actually go through what I imagine because I found it to be enjoyable but it would probably be weird and would probably also cross the line yet I wouldn't want to feel pain even though I don't think I would be vulnerable to it as weird as it is for me to mention what I said earlier. As of now, it feels hollow because I'm just stuck in limbo and search for meaning and purpose to break out of it so enjoyable things become less enjoyable. It's like the yo-yo effect in which the relief from boring obligations like college dragging on and on because of autism and specific instructions that limits practicality just degrades over time. It feels like something would need to excite me to have me get back on track yet I keep moving along. Why do I forget why life gets boring? Why have I been programmed to just get by with homework in the past to the point where I feel ashamed to even look for an English group because I never needed to learn the local language? Why does it seem like boredom sabatoges my productivity but also helps me avoid burnout and how do I know that I'm not already burnt out? Over what? What could have been going on over a long-term horizon? So how do you percive things when it comes to what gets your attention in sexuality? Is there anything you think I missed that seems vague or confusing or would you not think that because of the topic resembling that?

Hello everyone, I will do my best to remember everything I want to say for things to make since and to respond in a timely manner mainly for @Leo Gura to prevent resentment from getting banned because it's related to the self-help products just in case from what is about to happen and I make this public to help other people feel less alone in this because I never know who will read this. Staring off, my Dad gave me his card because of the challenges of me having to be a foreigner in Russia to avoid wars, limited job opportunities because of that, limited skill set, going through the motions, and not knowing where to live next while doing online college from here and that my Dad asks me if I make purchases so that I can have a little bit of more freedom which started with a request that was done through my phone until something went wrong and that the card was taken away from me. He allowed the purchase of therapy because of the reasons above and how my everyday life can make me less aware of how I deal with my circumstances and others. One day, I paid extra from having more sessions in a shorter period of time which triggered a notification for something that I forgot I paid for awile ago. I told my Dad that I didn't recognize it until my memory did but it was too late and that my Dad changed his card meaning that I will lose access to the self-help products. If there is any association with the account I used to pay for the self-help products and this one, please note that this is just a mistake and that I don't deserve to get banned from the forum. Also, for any of you stuck in a similar situation like mine, just emphisize the things you like about Leo's content even if the radical videos and the blog about politics, psychadelics, etc could be an obstacle and that you won't be judged for liking the things that stand out (or at least I hope not). I didn't want to take the risk and waited for the opportunity to come to me but I guess part of the work here is to test my thoughts and beiefs even if things go wrong which would be better than being lost. I just hated the feeling of resentment from the risk of my request getting rejected at the time since Leo posts everything on one website and that I specifically wanted his self-products because of the deep content he shares but don't let that stop you if you know you can ask from a safe distance without any strict monitoring and judgements from that. Keep in mind that I know that my Dad would know what I purchase. This hatred or resentment is related to the feeling of being misunderstood which is why I left the forum for a very long time, I apoligize if the value I could have added was lost but it feels like I go deeper in spirituality if I'm not mistaken.

https://media.tenor.com/osCPfu60X2MAAAAM/dont-be-a-jerk-jimmy-valmer.gif

@Rafael Thundercat Okay I will add more spaces right now.

@Max1993 Why can't I detect resistance to true meditation? How come some days I can meditate for a long time but not others? Did I say anything wrong about Leo? Don't just say that I'm projecting because that would be too vague.

@Leo Gura Yeah I wanted to see how much of a jerk this person is from Squeekytoy's profile based on what he says in which his sense of humor isn't funny. You even told him that he is a jerk and that he strawmans people. I could be overreacting based on what he said to me but it has to do with you and your work and that I wasn't talking to him therefore I don't think I was overeating especially since he had a 3 day ban. I've already reported the post he sent to me in a different conversation so I don't think that a link is necessary, I'm pretty sure I already notified you using your name. I just wanted you to be the one to get people engaged in that conversation about the development of the book you plan to create and answering my questions that I think are meaningful to the conversation.

Hello everyone or whoever is reading this, it seems like I am using someone else's resistance as a coping mechanism to feed into my pride and I don't really know how to change it. It seems like my plan is to detach from it while being in a futile conversation that doesn't change the other person's mind especially about religion even if the other person doesn't detach from resistance instead of resisting resistance. It wasted hours of my day just thinking about some argument that serves my pride until I went meta on my thoughts and thought about this and would like to find a way to go meta whenever I need to if possible since meditation is just a temporary solution and that I may not always be in the right state of mind for that. I can even be arguing with Leo about him being a hypocrite about "new-age bullshit" and is judgemental since the term is self-serving like "the Word of God". I also criticize in his head about how he knows the Sunnis and Shites but ignores Christian denominations and thinks he can call Jesus whatever he wants by making a generalization with religion without realizing the power of the concept of an idol which would be offensive to all Christians which is against the Bible and he just referred to different religious entities as idols and generalizing Catholics as all Christians when he says they pray to marry in the video of his worst psychedelic trip. He also shows no knowledge about the Trinity and brings up a seemingly contradiction as a silly objection that he should have thought Christians are aware of about Jesus not being God but the Son of God (in some other video I forgot about). I'm not that triggered by the Christian ideas themselves, but the problematic result of not doing any research and making stupid objections on camera. Even if I were to be making objections about @Leo Gura I want him to know about this because of how problematic this is, thank you. Come to think of it, maybe he wanted to shut off my discussion thread because he didn't like what I say to him even though I trying to be nice to him: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/98554-i-am-offended-that-this-tonvesration-got-cut-cff-and-what-squeekytoy-said/#comment-1413642 Please do not take this the wrong way. I believe that you are trying your best but that there can be some sort of discussion on the forum designed for preventing these silly mistakes whenever you try to speak to a specific audience. Here is the video I was referring to (keep in mind that all the information I mentioned about Leo isn't all in a single video but this is the video that brought it to my attention):

@Yimpa Also why can't ChatGPT cite sources and that people just use a plagarism scanner in case it is used irresponsibly? I don't really see what all the fuss is about. And on tp of that, using it academically is not a creative way of using it and that the app can offer more ways.

@Parallax Mind Thank you

@Yimpa I didn't know for ChatGPT and here is the app I use: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.ai.chat.bot.aichat I also saw that Leo had the same idea with his contemplations shown here: https://actualized.org/insights/chatgpt-demo-alien-poem It's just that Leo said he is still in the testing phase with testing out ChatGPT and only shows the poem without his contemplations on it. Some versions are limited and couldn't find the option for it to ask me questions on poe.com/ChatGPT and that the app says it doesn't know such AI language models that can do that in my previous conversation that I can share later if I find it but now but now it says it can so I will look into it. Thank you for letting me know.