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Hello. So I have this interesting issue that seems to be in some way affecting my psyche for my whole 30 year long life. And I seem to be pinpointing it as my relationship to the process of work/labour. I was curious about self development and spirituality since I was 14 years old. Since then I would in some way spend 0.5 to 3 hours every other day consuming this form of information. I watched Leo since the channel was started. I think I saw like 85% of all the content. But I seemed to have a childlike approach to all of this information. I would gather knowledge, try it out to the extent that I found I can, which was not the Leo like hardcore discipline focused stance. As a result of such approach I ended up being very knowledgeable about many different processes that didn't require me to interact with the world too much. I was a massive introvert and befriending a smart talking head on youtube had been 80% of social interaction I felt I require. But I always interpreted it more in a sense that the people that I am surrounded by are not people I want to be around. So I hid away as much as I could. My mother was harsh with her opinions and I haven't felt this motherly care much through out my childhood. She would hit me pretty hard when I wouldn't listen. Somehow that helped me to become someone who doesn't trust anyone but oneself for up until recent times, except now I'm conscious of the issue. But I did find places, like yoga ashram, where it is safe to be myself, but I still find that I'm pretty low in agreeableness. I can be a very good listener, but it kind of happens that listening is the main thing I am good at when trying to form a social interaction... as you might guess small talk is a challenge often beyond me. For now, of course. My father, at the time, was a very agreeable person. Always very social. But I feel he didn't have the experience, nor the competence to introduce manhood to me. Since high agreeableness and manhood don't really mix well. So, subconsciously, I was blaming him for not being a strong father figure for me. I don't blame him anymore what so ever. Today the relationship with my parents is mended to a point it has never been before. But that was an action that on my part finally been provoked by my relationship and my life in general completely falling apart. I had a relationship with a woman 4 years older than me. We were, as I would now categorise, in a deeply interdependent relationship. Over the course of 5 years I tried to break up with her 6 times. And every time something would drastically change in me and in her and we would come around to try again. this on/off dynamic lasted for the whole duration of the relationship and was sinking us both deeper and deeper into attachment to each other. It resulted in an unplanned/unwanted child (I didn't want it), an unwanted marriage (Didn't think we were ready, but at some point made myself believe that if married things will be better. The got much worse), psychological health issues (on my side as well). I can't comment for my ex wife, I allow myself to not judge her behaviour anymore as this causes very unwanted negative thought and emotion patterns in me and doesn't seem to solve anything by the end of the day. I simply often feel to be lucky to be out of that horrible place. So now, for 1 year I am living in my parents house. For about 9 months I have been in such a horrible state that I felt to be truly blessed to have such a wonderful place to find support in. I was expressing truly demonic, serial killer like qualities in thought. When this started to touch the realm of the material world in a form of planned action it scared me to a level I could not express in words. To death actually I contemplated suicide 2 times over the course of the divorce, because just the quality of the thoughts would sort of signal me that its best to kill this thing before it sees the world. Today I'm happy to say I feel on and off about 60-80% back to the Pre relationship state. I have ideas, interests, goals, I enjoy working on myself and etc. So I felt it was necessary to present such in-depth expression of key parts of my identity. Of course it could be much more, but for the sake of this problem this should be enough. I find that I am very good at developing almost everything in myself. But I seem to have a much deeply rooted issue with the simplest part of life. Just going to work. I used to be forced by my mother into a a career I hated. An officer of navigational watch. I suffered horribly through my study years and 1.5 years at sea. It was horrible. Like being in jail. I think I could count on my fingers the amount of days that I hadn't in someway failed or disappointed my colleagues through out the course of 5.5 years of this direction. I had such deep rooted fear of disappointing my mother and amounting to nothing that I suffered through it all and when I finally couldn't take it there was my ex wife giving me the love and care I needed. I left the sea without finishing the contract and got to living with her. This was the only way I now see was possible for me to leave this horrid life. afterwards I did got my bachelors diploma though. Afterwards I aimed to become a sound engineer. There was no possibility to study, since I got somewhat rooted in a small village living with this girl. I ended up ambitiously and hungrily going after what I would seem to like to some level. It was Live sound engineering. But instead of actually studying and moving forward in a harmonious way (same as with watching Leo) I would just put myself into situations I was not ready for at all. And in that I suffered physical and psychological pain. Somehow I pushed through 4 years of this, being completely under everyone who would wish to just throw on me all the shit work there was to do. People would push me, scream at me, make me feel like and idiot whenever I made a mistake and would just ignore any success I would have. I guess I gave of such a vibe though. I had no strong opinion about anything except my own, self-entitled, knowledgeability about life and development that I grew gathering all this spiritual and self-development information and really not being capable of putting to practice 90% of it. Now recently I just pushed everyone I didn't want in my life out of it. My, now, ex-wife, her friends, my co-workers. I set up my value and moved on to use my 4 year experience to try and earn something worth having. But instead I found that I am, even though experienced enough to accomplish a project, am not really needed anywhere much to make a full time work out of this endeavour, except during the season packed with live events. I live in a small city, so there is not a lot of work as is, but CORONA really hurt the business and I am out of money. I barely have enough to pay child alimony and pay for the car that I absolutely NEED. Beforehand I had a lot of anger and not enough energy to deal with anything properly. But today I'm starting to see much improvement and, yet, find I don't know how to be financially stable in the world. I tried working in a factory, but I felt if I don't know where I'm going with this I wont make it. It resulted in a harsh psychological breakdown. Now I started life purpose course and got to life purpose assesment 3. but despite anything... The ideas I have about the GREATEST THING that I could do, they constantly shift while I'm going through the course. First I have this crazy idea about merging my talents to create and event. It sounds great while I'm making it, but when I have it in my head visualised enough suddenly something else starts to look more interesting. Like HAH... if that is so much work maybe Id rather be a musician then. But then I need to practice and be patient. I have some talent, maybe thats enough. And I end up half-assing things and failing. Hah maybe I can just do energy practices or breathwork sessions for people. I'm very sensitive and feel energies and stuff really well adn absolutely love sharing spiritual insights about stuff. Would be a pro in it. But then I have to make money to go through a course. The investment hardships come up, how I failed like a 1000 times throughout the relationship to invest even a small amount into courses or things I like to grow me. Huge resentment appears in the way about how poor I am now and I end up kind of drifting away from that idea as well. Its like getting shit done is one thing I have this huge block in my psyche about, maybe because I'm scared of the responsibility for a shit choice. And for a good reason. I made many choices and stuck to them in my life. And boy... I had the knowledge, but I had no energy to back that knowledge with and fucked up, I think, every part of my life I swore to myself to succeed in. Its hard to figure out how to start again... I wish I had actual friends like people here, who are doing self-development, spirituality and are actually good at it. So I wouldn't have to be so fucking alone all the time and have an actually deep, authentic, genuine connection with wonderful, brave, purpose driven people... Pay for a a coach they say sometimes. Yea... right after I earn my first million. sure... This ended up being a bit of a confession... It will touch the right people I hope. Just write if something comes up. I'm sure it will help me to connect to some answer within myself to a question that is hidden somewhere in all of this.

@Shin your point? ? I was just joking bro. Yes some people commit suicide because they can't get sex. Maybe in that sense it is true that lack of sex can kill you. But that's real logic bending right there ? Sorry I didn't get most of what you tried to say. ?

Disclaimer: We have both masculine and feminine and need a healthy mix of the two to self actualise. Men mostly masculine with some femininity to round them off, and women mostly feminine with some masculinity to round them off. Men devoid of any masculinity and only inhabiting toxic masculine traits is un healthy, women devoid any femininity and inhabiting toxic feminine / masculine traits is un healthy. Feminism was great for women's liberation and to bring civil humane equality, but the aspects/factions of it being supremacist is whats un healthy, to demonising any masculinity at all and the current environment to where there is confusion and animosity between the genders. Also, to equating equality with being biologically equality in that women can do what men can do and better (ie sleep around like men to their own detriment as men can have sex more easily without emotion). Men losing their healthy masculinity in todays environment of gaming, screen time, porn and junk food induced softness leaves women needing to fill the masculine role / traits to excess at the death of femininity. Both genders need to work together, men to become positively masculine and so to protect women's femininity and create an environment they can be feminine in. We also have a economic reality where women need excess masculine traits just in order to win for their economic survival needs, society needs to construct a healthier economic environment women can flourish in without needing to be masculinised against their nature. Maybe subconsciously the reason the societies of the world have always tried so hard to protect and provide for their women in a manner of care that is all but absent in nature to their respective men is due to something of a matter of instinct which seeks to preserve the spiritual femininity of women, with an inherent understanding that the failure to protect women from the world and its evil would lead to the masculinisation of their disposition and thus rather tragically, the irrevocable loss of their femininity, for not enough new girls can be born and protected sufficiently from their older counterparts to replace the entire female demographic with women of femininity. It would seem that societies on some fundamental level have realised, perhaps not always in a way that they are conscious and eloquent enough to articulate, that femininity in and of itself carries a certain intrinsic value that is necessary for the sustenance and self-preservation of a society, and it is this value that is to be protected and sustained. These societies realised that subjecting women to the same kind of pressures that men are subject to would cause them to lose their femininity along the way, and such women would better benefit society by retaining their femininity rather than sacrificing it out of necessity in the emulation of man. For if society should forfeit femininity, demanding women fend for and coarsen themselves with the ugliness of survival, the very society reliant upon those who would maintain it would feel the tremors of emancipation as the feminine spirit is forcefully eviscerated from the societal psyche, leaving nothing but a collection of beings who strive to be manlike in its wake. Main article from another source Hardened men make for attractive men, for toughness is a trait that men and women alike covet in men. Almost all respect a hardened man even when they dislike him. Hardened women on the other hand do not inspire desire nor respect, merely alienation. Hardening is conducive to the cultivation of masculinity, but to femininity it is toxic. To femininity it is harmful, deleterious. Women must seek wisdom and respite in the face of suffering, not masculination. For women to preserve their greatest asset: their femininity, they must avoid masculinisation at all costs. This is healthier and more conducive to a woman’s development than adopting masculine boisterousness. Women are taught to debauch their femininity in pursuit of power and social acceptance under the rule of extreme feminist dogma. They all too unwittingly realise not what they give up by capitulating to feminism. Much to woman’s detriment, adhering to the feminist roadmap results in a vitiation of her desirability to the kind of man she yearns for. Of specific note in regard to this is the contemporary culture. The current economic model and prevailing social-programming of the time push women towards masculinity by framing it as “liberation.” Feminism sells women the lie that to masculinise is to become free. It convinces the feminine to divorce herself from her nature and to aspire to be that which she isn’t. That her desire to nurture, support and mother is weak. She should become more manlike, fierce, assertive, a conqueror! Indeed what banal trite, there is no man of worth breathing that wants to commit to the fabled feminist “real woman.” As such, the typical woman aims to emulate the qualities of men rather than master the art of femininity. These women have been contorted in belief to reject traditional femininity as abhorrent, weak. They delusively idolise emulating the behaviour of man whilst ironically harbouring a hatred for man. They idolise such behaviour because they have been taught it is necessary to acquire success and respect. They could not be any more wrong. Nothing raises the ire and disdain of man more than a woman who attempts to make him obsolete by emulating him. Men desire not masculine women, neither do they wish to compete with them. Men desire feminine women, they want to take care of them. Men of substantial worth reject women devoid of femininity. Women have two distinct choices, the prior I believe leading to richer, longer-lasting happiness and the latter, not so. They may refine their femininity and cultivate that quality to captivate the love of a powerful man. Said man will provide the bulk of the income. Work will be relegated to the realm of hobby, coming not before family, keeping house and child-rearing. The latter is that of the career woman, of independence. This is the ethos that has led to the collective masculinisation, stress and misery of today’s women. They forgo the refinement of femininity to work in the world of business. To be competitive in such an environment they toughen up to survive, reducing their social appeal. Toughness (distinct from resilience) reduces a woman’s femininity, thus mitigating her desirability to men. A resilient woman can maintain her femininity and draw upon feminine strength without masculinising. Resilient women continue to build upon and maximise their femininity in spite of hardship. They do not give in to the corruptive allure of masculinisation and poison themselves with a lust for conquest. They expend their efforts on becoming personable, wise and altruistic. They look for shelter in friendship and compassion, rather than sacrifice their femininity on the altar of feminism. They enhance rather than contort themselves. They do not entertain bitterness and allow hatred to warp them into vaginal caricatures of masculinity. They embrace femininity for the value it holds to men and their own nature. They do not adopt the contemptuous inferiority complex symptomatic of feminism. They do not chain themselves to the views of “friends” who condemn them for aspiring to be feminine. Those who undergo pain often become tougher of heart as a coping mechanism. With toughness comes a certain masculine component. The more damaged and pain afflicted a person becomes, the more they harden and toughen. This hardening is a natural response to ineptitude, dysfunction and disappointment. Hardening is necessary for masculine self-improvement because men are charged with leadership. Men cannot be attractive and fulfilled in their relationship unless they lead, women can. Men can have it all, they can become harder and likewise more desirable in their masculinity. This could even go so far to explain why in the psychological sense women have a propensity to value the ruggedness that experience brings in men. While men on the other hand tend to prefer innocence and inexperience in women – defining this as not only as seductive but psychologically desirable. The why is simple: such a woman is free of the contamination of bitterness and cynicism that the failures of experience would wrought upon such a woman. These psychological aspects are the predominant culprits responsible for spoiling a woman’s femininity. There is little feminine that can remain feminine in the presence of distrustful cynicism and vitriolic bitterness. In essence the more worn and experienced a woman becomes, the less feminine she becomes. Whilst a more battle-scarred and experienced man becomes more masculine. This is symptomatic of toughness, for toughness is a masculinising procedure. It appears that men become more masculine with time and sufficient hardship. Antithetically, women, less feminine. Therefore it stands to reason that toughness is conducive to masculinity whilst detrimental to femininity. It is in my estimation that men not only prefer young women for their more nubile bodies, but additionally, for their more innocent – and so feminine – disposition. This perhaps goes some way in explaining the feminine obsession with maturity, for mature woman are (physically) oft perceived less desirable than the immature. Diametrically an immature man is of markedly lower desirability than a mature one. What’s good for one is not good for the other. It seems to be the nature of gender and biology itself to impose different measures of desirability upon men and women. Without these differences, there cannot be union. Yin-yang is necessary to maintain the balance needed for love to flourish. Women being yin, men being yang. When we try to reverse yin and yang so that women become masculine and men, feminine – monogamous love fails to flourish. Indeed it seems the position of yin and yang within the gender duality are static impositions. Without the counterbalance of gentle and demure femininity to complement the assertiveness of masculinity, any affected society would foster detached apathy through competition within its citizenry rather than inclusive empathy through community. Femininity is not just a gift to women, free of the shackles of responsibility that define manhood and the accompanying economic struggle that brings, but likewise a gift to men also, who would confide in and find emotional solace within the spirit of their lovers femininity, expressing momentary vulnerability to the softest of souls in a way that only a man in agape with a woman would dare. A woman who feels safe enough and looked after enough is feminine in the most natural and charming way, momentarily carefree as she “lets her guard down”, she is a happy woman, a sweet woman, a kind woman and perhaps most importantly to our humble species, an attractive woman. Rarely do women get to experience this type of innocence anymore as the forces of feminism masculinise them into perverse hybrids, women composed of the worst that femininity and all her flaws has to offer whilst likewise borrowing the very worst that masculinity has to offer, educated to never let their guard down “in the face of oppression”, be this evangel preached directly through activism or indirectly via the harshness of the workplace and the economic machine that it serves, today’s women face emancipation from femininity, like their fellow-men do from masculinity, sold a narrative that their inherent disposition is incompatible with the gender identity that the prevailing ideology would demand of and subscribe to them. Just how can the feminine continue to exist within the modern world when it is psychologically beaten out of women on a day-to-day basis? How can women be kind, caring and sensitive when they must work in the world of business, a masculinising albeit sociopathic world of margins, deadlines, quotas, targets, bottom lines and politics? You see the workplace itself undermines the cultivation of femininity, the hardened woman is but a feeble caricature of the ideal man, should she be stripped of her femininity via the hallways of heartbreak, the glass table of the boardroom or perhaps an amalgamation of both, such a woman is a walking emanation of all the ugliest that masculinity has to offer and with none of its perks, for she learns the ugliest of masculinity along a pilgrimage for personal conquest rather than learn it in whole in the way that only a boy who seeks to become a man can. She does not learn the nuances of masculinity, its duty, its honour, it’s burden or it’s inherently biological need to protect and provide and thus forth and so such a woman imposes herself ruthlessly and demandingly, without thought nor care for those she imprints her apathy on, belittling the men she hates along the way with vapid deep-seated hatred, corrupting fellow women in her wake, imploring that they too sacrifice their femininity under the guise of “motherly advice” in the promotion that her younger counterparts become like that which she has become, a caricature of a man, a woman who emulates the worst of masculinity without embodying any of its finer or more nobler traits. You see masculinisation affects women differently than it does men, within men it fosters growth and actualisation, within women it fosters contempt, dissonance and discontent, corrupting the very souls of who they are, stripping them of any desirability beyond the flesh, which too, will eventually fade with age. Is there anything less feminine in the world than a ball-busting cynical person devoid of the charms and femininity that men the world over have come to admire and cherish in women for eons and eons? No, no there is not, and it is the crucifixion of femininity being perpetuated as an affront to masculinity within modern ideology, feminism containing the largest amount of estrogenic blood on its hands, that is unilaterally killing feminine spirituality in favour that we sacrifice it on the altar of corporatism in an effort to “equalise” the feminine with the masculine. What this really means it to condemn the true and natural feminine spirit as weak, to redefine it with masculine ideals, reinforce those ideals and then imprint those ideals onto society’s men and women until they believe this perverse form of femininity is “true femininity”, calling for the worship of this one brand of ideologically sanctioned femininity which remains to be nothing more than a corrupt bastardisation of the femininity that comes naturally to women who are free of Anglo social engineering efforts. What feminism has failed to realise is that although it has benefited many women superficially, it has done so at the cost of that which makes them truly women, that which makes them valuable to men beyond their bodies, the overlooked spiritual sense, the beauty that can be derived from their natural femininity. You see feminism spoils femininity in the name of equality, then the imbeciles who cause the damage are so incredibly ignorant (or incredibly intelligent, I cannot but tell the difference) as they seem to be at such a loss to understand just why men and women, but markedly women, are unhappier than they’ve ever been before. You see unlike men who can become better, stronger and more attractive men by growing through their pain and thus amplifying their inherent masculine energy, women do not become better women with pain, they become more manlike, and thus they are stripped of that which makes them attractive to men to begin with. See what is good for man, at least in this instance, is not good for woman. When women become “hardened” it, rather poetically, and quite ironically in its majesty, strips them of the very thing that makes them attractive beyond the realm of the physical to men in the first place, it emancipates them from their femininity, and to ensure a man truly loves a woman, and simply doesn’t just view such a woman as disposable, she must capture his interest psychologically and emotionally, not just physically, because many women can capture the eye of a man, but only a woman of some real feminine energy and depth can capture the heart and thus devotion of a man. You see femininity, like masculinity, must be cultivated, although rather unlike masculinity it mustn’t be taught through pain, but through love. Puppy love is the exception: it is the one love that can be educational to men. Puppy love is the inevitable experience in which naivety prevails, boys become men, and they learn first-hand through the misery of heartbreak and the cacophonous confusion of the indecisive female mind that the unilateral worship and adoration of the feminine form, the willingness to be captivated in the beauty of the feminine form, be it from the sound of her voice, to the touch of the skin, or the smell of her sweat, is nothing but a futile and suicide-inducing endeavour. Men learn for themselves in their quest for masculinity that they must not worship women, but rather, that they must lead them. Women do not go on a quest for femininity; they are born with it, and oft sacrifice it short-sightedly for power within the depths of delusion that makes up modern groupthink, only to realise in old age once their beauty has faded that they traded in their greatest intangible asset long ago.

Something to contemplate and wonder is whether any hope I have or reservations I have on suicide are delusional. I don't think they could be called "delusional" it's t- IF I HAVE TO FUCKING GO BACK TO YOU, MY INSIDES WILL TWIST AND BREAK AND I'LL THROW UP AGAIN, SO FUCK OFF, I'LL SERVE THE ULTIMATE FUCK YOU. I'D RATHER DIE THAN GO BACK TO THAT, I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT WHERE I COME FROM AND WHO I AM, FUCK OFF WITH WAITING TO DIE JUST END IT RIGHT NOW I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK I'M NOT GOING BACK WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HAPPEN, GIVE ME THE BUTTON AND I'LL NUKE THIS PLANET IF YOU LET ME. I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK, I'M NOT GOING BACK FUCKING TRAMPLED, I'LL MURDER YOU ALL IF YOU LET ME Sigh. Round and around we go. All I feel right now is this cold rage which surfaces. Is this cold rage and hollow self all that's left of me? I mean aggression can be channeled into things but it's not exactly predictable or easy to access rage either. It's alien to me, random and violently inclined. Now you know it's not exactly "random" in the sense that that word kills all observation of it and knowledge of situations you've seen it in. The rage, pretty sure it's directed at my family and....some other life situations you found yourself in However, the rage is abstracted, in the sense that it is not really tied to a person strictly, e.g. you got mad at ___ and ___ last week with cold rage but it faded towards them and you were friendly. Although because you feel cold rage now, I'm sure you're reminded of it. Release is not the same as catharsis, but this rage remains suppressed in me, dictating it's own terms of release which are rather tyrannical. It will only allow itself to perpetuate itself in it's release, not allowing for anything else

Criminal case study and Profiling of Elliot Rodger. The case of Elliot Rodger has fascinated me since day 1 of my criminal profiling research days. I have studied the whole Elliot Rodger case in depth during my criminal psychology case study last year. And I read his manifesto. It is noteworthy reading it. What I discovered is that he has been branded wrong since his death and much of the details regarding his life and death have been heavily obfuscated by the notorious media. If you care to look deep enough, he did not kill only women, as was the interpretation of the silly media. He killed men as well. He had a lot of resentment built up inside and this resentment came from multiple psychological factors in his immediate environment. For this you need to explore his childhood snaps, there is a certain innocence in his eyes and he was a pretty good kid. There was absolutely nothing suspicious about him. He was partly Asian and that heavily showed up in his appearance. He was hard working and he had great writing skills and pretty good grasp of the world even at the age of 18. You have to understand that this Elliot as a kid had been put through a nightmare. He wasn't raised as some rich spoiled prince as many people would like to believe, and this was the media narrative back then that he was some kind of a obnoxious privileged prince whose parents lavished him with gifts and stuff like cars etc. If you scratch the surface and do a deep study underneath all the media bullshit the way i did, you will see a completely different person. He wanted a great life. He wasn't lazy either. But his parents divorced when he was just 7 years old and barely able to process it. His father had another girlfriend, a pretty Moroccan woman, right after the divorce, not even 1 week into the divorce. His father literally pushed out the mother from his life by alienating mother and son completely from his life. I would say that the father is totally selfish and narcissist and he played this cruel game and sort of got rid of them. They were literally treated like an outcast. He had bought a small house for his ex wife and he wouldn't check on them. He was quite ruthless. He would even tell his son that he was good for nothing.. Elliot grew up under the shadow of his dad, he had no navigation tool to understand things, his self worth was deliberately sabotaged by his asshole father.. His father would tell him to get out of the house whenever he came to visit him. His step mom, the new actress wife of the father was very brutal. There's not a single picture that woman shared with Elliot. She always made Elliot feel like the "unwanted child," but pretended to be nice in public. I also went through the private email exchanges between father and son and it is apparent that the father was not very keen on helping his son financially when the son is just a teenager. He simply wanted to discard him and he sent him away to university in a bid to be as far away from him as possible Elliot was regularly harassed, bullied for being an Asian teen and made fun of. Food was thrown at his face, I mean you can't imagine something worse, he faced a barrage of racial bullying and harassment and Isolation by the people who were studying with it. He was being literally set up to turn into a ticking time bomb. Plus these teens were wealthy teens. They could afford lavish cars and flaunt their wealth and get girlfriends who would only date rich guys. Elliot felt ignored and humiliated by their display of wealth. Elliot also wanted the same stuff they had. He was beginning to feel like a pariah and nobody wanted to talk to him. He hasn't received a hug from his dad for many many years. The dad was always busy with his career like a typical narcissistic parent who don't spend time with their kids. Elliot hated his Asian roots because he was subjected to so much racial humiliation by his environment that he began to develop a sort of self hate towards his own race, which is quite understandable because he was never appreciated for being an Asian, in fact he was mocked and ridiculed. All of these factors transpired into turning him into a ticking time bomb. When he saw other guys get girls he was hurt because he wanted that happiness for himself, I don't think this makes him an incel, he saw simply an average teen looking for love, pretty much like anyone else. The media dubbed him as an incel. Inside he was a ticking time bomb because there was so much pain inside of him waiting to release in dramatic ways. He could not get a job because he did not have the skills for it, he was plainly unlucky and he made mistakes like any other teenager and foolishly spent his money on lottery tickets. His father wasn't ready to help him financially anymore so Elliot knew in his mind that the future was not looking good. He could not deal with the shame that he would be considered a loser meanwhile his peers will get a great job and girlfriends and wives and he will be doing nothing. This made him very frustrated and desperate and the lack of love in his life made him feel a sense of derision towards humanity. Remember that nobody showed him love, as an Asian struggling among white teens, he felt unwanted, abandoned, inferior and ignored. He did not feel accepted wherever he went. So he decided that if he had to leave the world, he would make an impact in whatever way he could, although that wasn't healthy, but he had to throw his anger at the world. I think that his crime and his subsequent suicide were all a very big cry for help. It didn't have much to do with girls as much as his void created by his bullying narcissistic father and a loveless step mom, a helpless poor mother and not having any source of love and encouragement from anyone at all and being treated like a loser by his spoiled rich colleagues who would look down on him. This case was way more complicated with significant factors responsible for his psyche and the resultant tragedy than how the media portrayed him and his actions after his death. It is shameful that nobody wanted to hear his story. His manifesto was never discussed. He was given no dignity at all. And I do see a whole racial component to this tragedy.

I have studied the whole Elliot Rodger case in depth during my criminal psychology case study last year. And I read his manifesto. It is noteworthy reading it. What I discovered is that he has been branded wrong since his death and much of the details regarding his life and death have been heavily obfuscated by the notorious media. If you care to look deep enough, he did not kill only women, as was the interpretation of the silly media. He killed men as well. He had a lot of resentment built up inside and this resentment came from multiple psychological factors in his immediate environment. For this you need to explore his childhood snaps, there is a certain innocence in his eyes and he was a pretty good kid. There was absolutely nothing suspicious about him. He was partly Asian and that heavily showed up in his appearance. He was hard working and he had great writing skills and pretty good grasp of the world even at the age of 18. You have to understand that this Elliot as a kid had been put through a nightmare. He wasn't raised as some rich spoiled prince as many people would like to believe, and this was the media narrative back then that he was some kind of a obnoxious privileged prince whose parents lavished him with gifts and stuff like cars etc. If you scratch the surface and do a deep study underneath all the media bullshit the way i did, you will see a completely different person. He wanted a great life. He wasn't lazy either. But his parents divorced when he was just 7 years old and barely able to process it. His father had another girlfriend, a pretty Moroccan woman, right after the divorce, not even 1 week into the divorce. His father literally pushed out the mother from his life by alienating mother and son completely from his life. I would say that the father is totally selfish and narcissist and he played this cruel game and sort of got rid of them. They were literally treated like an outcast. He had bought a small house for his ex wife and he wouldn't check on them. He was quite ruthless. He would even tell his son that he was good for nothing.. Elliot grew up under the shadow of his dad, he had no navigation tool to understand things, his self worth was deliberately sabotaged by his asshole father.. His father would tell him to get out of the house whenever he came to visit him. His step mom, the new actress wife of the father was very brutal. There's not a single picture that woman shared with Elliot. She always made Elliot feel like the "unwanted child," but pretended to be nice in public. I also went through the private email exchanges between father and son and it is apparent that the father was not very keen on helping his son financially when the son is just a teenager. He simply wanted to discard him and he sent him away to university in a bid to be as far away from him as possible Elliot was regularly harassed, bullied for being an Asian teen and made fun of. Food was thrown at his face, I mean you can't imagine something worse, he faced a barrage of racial bullying and harassment and Isolation by the people who were studying with it. He was being literally set up to turn into a ticking time bomb. Plus these teens were wealthy teens. They could afford lavish cars and flaunt their wealth and get girlfriends who would only date rich guys. Elliot felt ignored and humiliated by their display of wealth. Elliot also wanted the same stuff they had. He was beginning to feel like a pariah and nobody wanted to talk to him. He hasn't received a hug from his dad for many many years. The dad was always busy with his career like a typical narcissistic parent who don't spend time with their kids. Elliot hated his Asian roots because he was subjected to so much racial humiliation by his environment that he began to develop a sort of self hate towards his own race, which is quite understandable because he was never appreciated for being an Asian, in fact he was mocked and ridiculed. All of these factors transpired into turning him into a ticking time bomb. When he saw other guys get girls he was hurt because he wanted that happiness for himself, I don't think this makes him an incel, he saw simply an average teen looking for love, pretty much like anyone else. The media dubbed him as an incel. Inside he was a ticking time bomb because there was so much pain inside of him waiting to release in dramatic ways. He could not get a job because he did not have the skills for it, he was plainly unlucky and he made mistakes like any other teenager and foolishly spent his money on lottery tickets. His father wasn't ready to help him financially anymore so Elliot knew in his mind that the future was not looking good. He could not deal with the shame that he would be considered a loser meanwhile his peers will get a great job and girlfriends and wives and he will be doing nothing. This made him very frustrated and desperate and the lack of love in his life made him feel a sense of derision towards humanity. Remember that nobody showed him love, as an Asian struggling among white teens, he felt unwanted, abandoned, inferior and ignored. He did not feel accepted wherever he went. So he decided that if he had to leave the world, he would make an impact in whatever way he could, although that wasn't healthy, but he had to throw his anger at the world. I think that his crime and his subsequent suicide were all a very big cry for help. It didn't have much to do with girls as much as his void created by his bullying narcissistic father and a loveless step mom, a helpless poor mother and not having any source of love and encouragement from anyone at all and being treated like a loser by his spoiled rich colleagues who would look down on him. This case was way more complicated with significant factors responsible for his psyche and the resultant tragedy than how the media portrayed him and his actions after his death. It is shameful that nobody wanted to hear his story. His manifesto was never discussed. He was given no dignity at all. And I do see a whole racial component to this tragedy.

My friend I been knowing for 3 years now committed suicide. I’m very devastated about it and idk what to do. What happens to her now? Is she traumatized after death. Did she not exist ever?

I had a life full of failures. Very few successful times, followed by more failures. My family is totally unconscious, and just now with Leo's videos I have started to wake up and see how blind and unconscious I have been as well. Lost in egotism, hedonism, anger and alcohol. Most people I know are the same, but they all hide it behind the everyday mask that everything is OK. I have been abused, yelled at, and ridiculized to the point I have no self respect , living with an unconscious mother, and father that consider this Normal , besides there's brothers and sister cut by the same type of existence. I come from a very poor country, full of unconscious people just stuck in self bias and survival. I managed to be in the UK now for the past 10 years, I have lived alone since then still having failures, failed relationships violence and jumping from one place to the other, changing jobs, fighting with unconscious people, because I am unconscious as well , and the cycle never ends. Leo says I am God having a human experience. I know it could be even a worst one. And that I should be grateful for what I have. But the truth is that I am very tired , tired of working, tired of living the same rubbish, and tired of trying. I am not considering suicide or anything like it, specially with one of the latest videos about leo talking about it. Buy putting that aside, why keep doing it? Why would you like to continue living?

This makes absolutely no sense. There is a reason people pursue enlightenment to begin with, a great deal of it is because their lives are not so perfect.....at all. Take Eckhart Tolle for example, he was on the brink of suicide and had severe depression before he woke up.

I don't want to live. I don't want the pain of dying. I don't want to give my family the grief of loss. I would like to be dead, with the existence of my empty bodymind going on. That gives me only one choice: enlightenment. Unfortunately, it doesn't exist. At least not for me. I tried. I went through the knowledges of suffering more times than I could count. Detox 5 times. Meditations for hours. Always hoping for the next stage. Begging God for liberation. No answer. I have to be honest. This rabbit hole and apparent progress I went through, is meaningless dirt. Shoveling dirt out of a hole expecting to find home or gold. I haven't found either of those things. I don't even want gold anymore. I don't believe home is down there either. I just realised something. I have to stop deluding myself. Everytime I think something is working, I found the magic, or I found the secret to liberation or "I'm close": There's always the 2-step-backwards. OBVIOUSLY the eastern traditions are useless. Probably even more than abrahamic religions and their ridiculous idealistic, dualistic worldviews. I have to apologize for every post I've made on this forum, claiming I had a clue about suffering. Actually I don't. I'm gonna delete the one's I regret most if that's possible on this forum. I recently had an extremely concerning thought about which bridge I would jump off, and that's terrifying me. That's the reason I'm writing this, and I don't want anyone to read my previous advices. Note: Don't worry, there's no real risk of suicide for me. It's just worrying thoughts (about that bridge in particular) and how easy it would be to get there. That's actually terrifying. I have a bed, a home, food, some money. Worst case scenario is I'm gonna stay in bed for 10 years, feeling depressed.

@Terell Kirby Sounds like you're just trying to bully people into suicide. I was born with brain damage and I had to spend years working on eye contact, selective mutism, etc. I promise you that when I was at the peak of this medical trouble that I was by no means a "pussy" even though I might have been deemed such by neurotypical people who were judging me on my abilities relative to normal functioning. Anxiety and awkwardness tend to be biological obstacles. It's a much more complex issue than just making people feel bad so that they magically develop new skills that are beyond their current programming. You're just a douche.

Studying, pondering and looking within myself and seeing the layers upon layers of contradictions, loose ends, faultlines and loopholes; it astonishes me how this whole 'thing' is still in one piece. I mean the whole world. I am astonished how anything functions at all! Given that 99% of people having no clue there is such a thing as meta knowledge. I mean its sooooo easy to poke and break people into ashes from inside out considering how flimsy and dreamlike sand castles our fabricated identities are. It astonishes me how come people seem to get together for few hours without raping and slitting each others throats, how people live in a family for decades without murdering each others, how suicide is not happening in billions, how people are not running outside naked in mass frenzy consumed by gnawing madness, how people dont just smash their heads open against the wall, how they dont pick out the eyeballs of their children and cook it so on and so forth. An absolute benevolent force is indeed operating. Yeah the abovementioned 'scary' cases do happen once in while, but yet there is this astonishing miracle holding it all together. Its a miracle people 'think' they are happy and happiness is possible tomorrow, its a miracle things still feel 'stable' in spite of few hiccups here and there. Its a miracle how everything is still maintained and conducted on time and schedule year after year...as if some almighty force is keeping everyone straight in line by firmly sticking its hand up everyone's butt. Its a miracle! And of course if spoken from plain, honest experience, all of it is my imagination. It is all held together because I have still held it all together

This is the end of the forum for me.. How much worse can it really get? I mean this comment does it for me Like Leo is telling some random woman on the forum to go kill herself if she feels like she can't get a date. Wait what??? Wtf??? This is something. I'm not even going to respond to his comments but I feel bad for the woman who asked the question. How can a forum like this and the forum founder encourage a forum newbie to commit suicide? Wtf? How toxic is this forum? I don't want to give the benefit of the doubt to Leo that he simply made an autistic comment where he simply slipped up without having any social cues. I'm beginning to think that Leo is not as innocent as he tries to show. He is acting creepy. This is not to be pushed under the rug. This wasn't a flippant comment especially given the context that the woman was feeling suicidal. It shouldn't be dismissed. He really meant lt I feel like puking. Can't take it anymore I mean that woman is suicidal. It feels like half the forum is suicidal and the advice is just not proper. I'm suicidal as well. A couple of days back a mod was suicidal. I'm so done with this place. It's not the suicide thing that hurts. It's the advice given to suicidal people on this forum that can actually make them even more suicidal I feel. This is just gross psychological abuse in my opinion.

Modern warfare can be an extremely difficult issue to research. There is often a lot of one sided propaganda that it makes it difficult to find accurate information. Furthermore, wars are hectic and it forces people to act from incomplete information. Nevertheless, I have identified some factors which cause wars, which wars are necessary, and which can be prevented. In the modern world, some of the causes of war include the fear of nuclear weapons, energy crises caused by disputes over oil, climate change induced droughts, and ISIS insurgencies. Most of these factors are preventable, but when factions like ISIS occupy large amounts of territories and destabilize regions like Syria, Iraq, Libya, and Somalia foreign intervention is often forced. The first strategy for preventing wars is for the United nations to agree to a universal ban on nuclear weapons. The United States made a serious mistake when the invasion of Iraq began because of the fear of weapons of mass destruction. The weapons did not exist, but Colin Powell was still effective in manufacturing consent for the invasion. In order to prevent mistakes like these from happening again, a universal ban on nuclear weapons could alleviate international tensions. This would also prevent events like the red scare, which could be caused by very powerful nations competing to control land and resources. The second strategy for preventing war is to switch to renewable energy. Since the 1970's some countries in the middle East like Saudi Arabia set up oil boycotts against the United States. These oil shocks caused energy crises which lead to skyrocketing gas and oil prices. This lead to countries from around the world competing for access to oil in the middle East. The clearest example of an international intervention caused by oil disputes was the gulf war. The gulf war took place in the early 1990's because of Iraq's attempt to control oil pricing through an invasion of Kuwait. If more countries switched to renewable energy, it is possible to decrease dependency on fossil fuels which caused these disputes. This is an extremely important step that will also help mankind to avoid water wars. Droughts are a significant factor in placing intense economic pressures on countries. For example, one of the contributing factors to the Syrian civil war was the worst drought in the history of Syria. In the future it is expected that water will play a bigger role in inciting international conflict. These droughts are linked to climate change which can be minimized through renewable energy. This can be accomplished through projects like building solar panels on the Sahara, providing energy for many different countries. This would make it possible to avoid economic recessions caused by energy crises, avoiding most wars in the process. The remaining wars which are hard to prevent are those caused by ISIS insurgencies. Currently, there is a U.S. Led coalition to defeat the insurgents in many different countries. A premature withdrawal of U.S. Troops could leave areas like Somalia and Syria vulnerable to future attacks at the hands of ISIS and other dangerous factions. One of the reasons these factions exist is because people like Osama bin Laden wanted revenge against the United States for all the war crimes the nation caused throughout the cold war. Osama bin Laden argued that the United States caused many events like 9/11 and he was justified in getting his revenge through these attacks. If the United States did not commit as many war crimes, maybe it would prevent people like Osama bin Laden from being radicalized to the point of threatening revenge through suicide attacks against the United States. One of the causes of American war crimes is the use of private military contractors in war zones. PMCs are not held to the same degree of accountability as U.S. Troops, but the incentive for using them is that they are cheaper and require less training. This enabled the torture of Iraqi civilians at the hands of PMCs as the U.S.dependency on PMCs expanded. The United States often used more PMCs than troops, like in Afghanistan by 2007. These trends have continued into 2019, and so long as PMCs are not held accountable, more people might seek revenge against the United for the war crimes committed. From what I have gathered it appears that many wars are preventable unless an intervention is called for to stop factions like ISIS from gaining territory. There are strategies for defeating ISIS, and based on the maps of their territory, ISIS has been in decline over the past decade. It seems that interventions against the groups are often successful and necessary to stabilize different regions. Although humanity may not be able to prevent all wars, it is certainly possible to prevent some of them through a ban on nuclear weapons and a transition to renewable energy while improving the accountability of PMCs to reduce war crimes and civilian casualties. By taking these steps humanity can make the world a safer place by preventing water wars and nuclear stand offs.

Long story short my Dad is becoming increasingly suicidal. He has been through a lot. Lost his mom, lost his career, lost his wife and his house to her and some other bad dreams. He is OCD, ADHD, Depressed, Diabetic (doesn’t take his meds apparently) - and while he still seems decent physically - he is 54 and he has been having to work a hard sheetmetal job because he’s to proud to settle - plus he has debt and it pays well. but you get it, it’s bad. Some of it his fault, a lot of it not. I love the guy. He keeps asking why we want him to keep living and suffer when he could die. He hates himself and doesn’t think he will ever deserve anything. He also has been having to take care of his girlfriend who had a stroke and needs full time care essentially. It’s bad. I know that’s just a dream. I know I will be okay. He hasn’t killed himself, he says also that he’s too afraid to kill himself or that he won’t. It will be alright, I say. But, also, I’m not sure what to do. Cops? Hospital suicide watch? Fuck up his insurance, ability to work? Also he’d probably just be put on more meds anyways. Meds can just suck more when it come to mental health. Do I move in with him (I live with my mom) and help him? His house is cramped and he smokes though. IDK, I could rant for ever. Its fucking with me though. I know it’s all love, even if he kills himself and I’m afraid of that. Or at least there’s fear. And part of me is confident that he won’t do anything and he won’t have to be sent somewhere, but I don’t know what to do. I have made myself weak. This feels like a game; I’m confused.

now you can make a bunch of stuff up but if you look at the situation clearly you will see that there is nothing more to you currently than your body which is producing your experience. You can't escape your body unless you commit suicide. You can only change it and even if you don't change it, then it will naturally change by itself until body death is reached. beyond that nobody really knows what happens. So seeing that you will be your body until you die and if you are fairly young then you have along way to go its best to take good care of it. or you can call it imagination. I wonder if that will result in a good life

When you try to convince someone to not committ suicide you are just trying to convince that person to stay in hell. I would never do such a thing, that's for sure. But of course I don't tell people to kill themselves either.. But it's their decision to make..

Just endless suffering. Stop telling people to not kill themselves. It's not going to get better, so don't give false hope. Everyone and everything wants to hurt you as much as possible. You are brainwashed into thinking that you must live at all cost, that suicide is always wrong.

Instead of committing suicide, why don't you lie in a hammock between two trees on any beach, and wait to get old looking at the sky and the sea? In the end you will die anyway, there is nothing to lose or gain. I know that it's very difficult to lie in a hammock and look the sky and be happy, there is you creating unhappiness

@Muhammad Jawad Yes, I completely forgot I was a human. I mean, it’s very hard to describe this stuff. But essentially I discovered that I was never really a human to begin with. Ego death = complete destruction of your reality and you in that reality. So yeah, I was gone. I was something else entirely. I wasn’t even “I”. Yes, it literally felt like thousands of years… but this is difficult to answer. Time in the infinite realm and time in the relative realm work very differently. There isn’t really any linear time in the infinite realm. It’s more like the y axis of the present moment is extended to infinity. It didn’t take me days to recover use of my arms and legs etc. It took probably a couple of hours (of relative time) to fully regain control, although I was able to wobble around on jelly legs with some level of control after 20 minutes or so. My legs were actually moving without any conscious input whatsoever from me for a while. When I came around I was pacing in the corner of the room. At that point I was watching my human body doing it’s thing, but as a passive observer - not consciously connected to the body at all. As far as recreating reality on my return, there were actually three distinct realities it felt like I could have returned to. In one, I was in a hospital bed having tried to commit suicide (this never happened) after a very traumatic breakup (this did happen) ten years ago. In that reality, I was coming around from a coma and a family member was holding my hand. It felt real, but I was very disorientated at this point. As I lay in the hospital bed, other potential realities presented themselves. Through all of the different realities, the one consistency was that *someone* was holding my hand. I kept asking who was holding my hand as it kept changing every five minutes or so. Ultimately the reality I came back to was this one. The one where I’m now typing this Maybe I could have ended up somewhere else. I don’t really know. I can’t pinpoint any moment of choosing.

i agree with you before i knew about self help i was doing better . and about spirituality, i dont recommend anyone to go very deep into this path bcz it can be extremely scary like seriously scary that might make u go insane or commit suicide

I'm a people pleaser, not everytime but enough to stop me from not caring of what others people think of me. What prevents me from being authentic, saying no, having an argument or reject someone that I don't want in my life is fear. (that's my opinion maybe I'm wrong) I fear the outcomes of my actions & my words. Since I'm a teenager or maybe even sooner, I manipulate people (mainly unconsciouly) to avoid them to become angry or judgmental with me. I think I adopted these mechanism because I was bullied for years, it went far and I even did suicide attempts. And maybe because of my mother & my stepfather who wasn't supportive and didn't listen to me, they were judging me negatively and I never felt adequate or loved. I see myself being inauthentic especially with girls that I'm attracted to. If I stop a girl that I'm attracted to, I feel insecure, I try to be polite, I can't be relax and I fear rejection or judgements from her. I can ask for a number when I'm interested but just before asking her number, I feel fearful and insecure and it prevents me from being relaxed or keeping a good vibe. I struggle too with keeping eye-contact with womens, I have thoughts like "if I watch her and smile to her, she will think of me as a desesperate needy guy trying to please her" and inside I feel like that, I try to please the girl I'm attracted & I feel bad for that because it communicates neediness. And being perceived as needy from a girl is what I don't want plus it is repulsive for women. After thinking about that, I was wondering; if I take courage; I go out and act like a douche on purpose. For example when I'm attracted to a girl as I talk to her, I say stupid things, I create ankward moments or I act like I don't care at all about her, would it leads to less people-pleasing & less fear to be judged ?

seek awakening. When you are as fucked up as you say you are, you are cornered, there is no way out, things were twisted from the beginning and no matter how much you straighten them they will always seem crooked. When the idea of suicide crosses your mind, it is time to seek awakening. do your research, you are in the right place. If you awaken to your true nature, your problems will be fixed, since they will not be a problem.

Its brilliantly written, BUT Its one of those things depressed individuals with suicidal thoughts will read and might further convince themselves that suicide is the answer. Many people that come here are motivated not by curiosity but to escape their suffering. Which is why one must be careful when translating these insights into human language. Does Leo need to use the words "KILL" and "DEATH" as often to convey the highest ideal of love? How people interpret and act upon these insights might go in a manner in which Leo does not intend. Language offers us words that can convey the same meaning without the morbid connotation, like transience and impermanency for example.

52. High concious job or not doing it. 53. Awakening dick is bigger than yours. 54. Youtube premium subscription. 55. Life sucks. 56. Not using i, me, mine etc. In sentences. 57. Actually learning and growing each with his her own pace. 58. Weird eating/drinking habits. 59. Looking at post count and mod status. 60. Suffering 61. Loneliness 62. If you are not vaccinated you are stupid 63. Considered once in lifetime suicide 64. Bad parents 65. Mental illnesses 66. Offering advice I do regret writing this but whatever. It does belong to collective ego. Focusing on the negative doesn't do much good either. Actually most posts are worthless unless someone learns something. It really should be just do the work whatever that is for you and shut up. So i will shut up now to do my stuff and you go do your stuff.