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This makes absolutely no sense. There is a reason people pursue enlightenment to begin with, a great deal of it is because their lives are not so perfect.....at all. Take Eckhart Tolle for example, he was on the brink of suicide and had severe depression before he woke up.

I don't want to live. I don't want the pain of dying. I don't want to give my family the grief of loss. I would like to be dead, with the existence of my empty bodymind going on. That gives me only one choice: enlightenment. Unfortunately, it doesn't exist. At least not for me. I tried. I went through the knowledges of suffering more times than I could count. Detox 5 times. Meditations for hours. Always hoping for the next stage. Begging God for liberation. No answer. I have to be honest. This rabbit hole and apparent progress I went through, is meaningless dirt. Shoveling dirt out of a hole expecting to find home or gold. I haven't found either of those things. I don't even want gold anymore. I don't believe home is down there either. I just realised something. I have to stop deluding myself. Everytime I think something is working, I found the magic, or I found the secret to liberation or "I'm close": There's always the 2-step-backwards. OBVIOUSLY the eastern traditions are useless. Probably even more than abrahamic religions and their ridiculous idealistic, dualistic worldviews. I have to apologize for every post I've made on this forum, claiming I had a clue about suffering. Actually I don't. I'm gonna delete the one's I regret most if that's possible on this forum. I recently had an extremely concerning thought about which bridge I would jump off, and that's terrifying me. That's the reason I'm writing this, and I don't want anyone to read my previous advices. Note: Don't worry, there's no real risk of suicide for me. It's just worrying thoughts (about that bridge in particular) and how easy it would be to get there. That's actually terrifying. I have a bed, a home, food, some money. Worst case scenario is I'm gonna stay in bed for 10 years, feeling depressed.

@Terell Kirby Sounds like you're just trying to bully people into suicide. I was born with brain damage and I had to spend years working on eye contact, selective mutism, etc. I promise you that when I was at the peak of this medical trouble that I was by no means a "pussy" even though I might have been deemed such by neurotypical people who were judging me on my abilities relative to normal functioning. Anxiety and awkwardness tend to be biological obstacles. It's a much more complex issue than just making people feel bad so that they magically develop new skills that are beyond their current programming. You're just a douche.

Studying, pondering and looking within myself and seeing the layers upon layers of contradictions, loose ends, faultlines and loopholes; it astonishes me how this whole 'thing' is still in one piece. I mean the whole world. I am astonished how anything functions at all! Given that 99% of people having no clue there is such a thing as meta knowledge. I mean its sooooo easy to poke and break people into ashes from inside out considering how flimsy and dreamlike sand castles our fabricated identities are. It astonishes me how come people seem to get together for few hours without raping and slitting each others throats, how people live in a family for decades without murdering each others, how suicide is not happening in billions, how people are not running outside naked in mass frenzy consumed by gnawing madness, how people dont just smash their heads open against the wall, how they dont pick out the eyeballs of their children and cook it so on and so forth. An absolute benevolent force is indeed operating. Yeah the abovementioned 'scary' cases do happen once in while, but yet there is this astonishing miracle holding it all together. Its a miracle people 'think' they are happy and happiness is possible tomorrow, its a miracle things still feel 'stable' in spite of few hiccups here and there. Its a miracle how everything is still maintained and conducted on time and schedule year after year...as if some almighty force is keeping everyone straight in line by firmly sticking its hand up everyone's butt. Its a miracle! And of course if spoken from plain, honest experience, all of it is my imagination. It is all held together because I have still held it all together

This is the end of the forum for me.. How much worse can it really get? I mean this comment does it for me Like Leo is telling some random woman on the forum to go kill herself if she feels like she can't get a date. Wait what??? Wtf??? This is something. I'm not even going to respond to his comments but I feel bad for the woman who asked the question. How can a forum like this and the forum founder encourage a forum newbie to commit suicide? Wtf? How toxic is this forum? I don't want to give the benefit of the doubt to Leo that he simply made an autistic comment where he simply slipped up without having any social cues. I'm beginning to think that Leo is not as innocent as he tries to show. He is acting creepy. This is not to be pushed under the rug. This wasn't a flippant comment especially given the context that the woman was feeling suicidal. It shouldn't be dismissed. He really meant lt I feel like puking. Can't take it anymore I mean that woman is suicidal. It feels like half the forum is suicidal and the advice is just not proper. I'm suicidal as well. A couple of days back a mod was suicidal. I'm so done with this place. It's not the suicide thing that hurts. It's the advice given to suicidal people on this forum that can actually make them even more suicidal I feel. This is just gross psychological abuse in my opinion.

Modern warfare can be an extremely difficult issue to research. There is often a lot of one sided propaganda that it makes it difficult to find accurate information. Furthermore, wars are hectic and it forces people to act from incomplete information. Nevertheless, I have identified some factors which cause wars, which wars are necessary, and which can be prevented. In the modern world, some of the causes of war include the fear of nuclear weapons, energy crises caused by disputes over oil, climate change induced droughts, and ISIS insurgencies. Most of these factors are preventable, but when factions like ISIS occupy large amounts of territories and destabilize regions like Syria, Iraq, Libya, and Somalia foreign intervention is often forced. The first strategy for preventing wars is for the United nations to agree to a universal ban on nuclear weapons. The United States made a serious mistake when the invasion of Iraq began because of the fear of weapons of mass destruction. The weapons did not exist, but Colin Powell was still effective in manufacturing consent for the invasion. In order to prevent mistakes like these from happening again, a universal ban on nuclear weapons could alleviate international tensions. This would also prevent events like the red scare, which could be caused by very powerful nations competing to control land and resources. The second strategy for preventing war is to switch to renewable energy. Since the 1970's some countries in the middle East like Saudi Arabia set up oil boycotts against the United States. These oil shocks caused energy crises which lead to skyrocketing gas and oil prices. This lead to countries from around the world competing for access to oil in the middle East. The clearest example of an international intervention caused by oil disputes was the gulf war. The gulf war took place in the early 1990's because of Iraq's attempt to control oil pricing through an invasion of Kuwait. If more countries switched to renewable energy, it is possible to decrease dependency on fossil fuels which caused these disputes. This is an extremely important step that will also help mankind to avoid water wars. Droughts are a significant factor in placing intense economic pressures on countries. For example, one of the contributing factors to the Syrian civil war was the worst drought in the history of Syria. In the future it is expected that water will play a bigger role in inciting international conflict. These droughts are linked to climate change which can be minimized through renewable energy. This can be accomplished through projects like building solar panels on the Sahara, providing energy for many different countries. This would make it possible to avoid economic recessions caused by energy crises, avoiding most wars in the process. The remaining wars which are hard to prevent are those caused by ISIS insurgencies. Currently, there is a U.S. Led coalition to defeat the insurgents in many different countries. A premature withdrawal of U.S. Troops could leave areas like Somalia and Syria vulnerable to future attacks at the hands of ISIS and other dangerous factions. One of the reasons these factions exist is because people like Osama bin Laden wanted revenge against the United States for all the war crimes the nation caused throughout the cold war. Osama bin Laden argued that the United States caused many events like 9/11 and he was justified in getting his revenge through these attacks. If the United States did not commit as many war crimes, maybe it would prevent people like Osama bin Laden from being radicalized to the point of threatening revenge through suicide attacks against the United States. One of the causes of American war crimes is the use of private military contractors in war zones. PMCs are not held to the same degree of accountability as U.S. Troops, but the incentive for using them is that they are cheaper and require less training. This enabled the torture of Iraqi civilians at the hands of PMCs as the U.S.dependency on PMCs expanded. The United States often used more PMCs than troops, like in Afghanistan by 2007. These trends have continued into 2019, and so long as PMCs are not held accountable, more people might seek revenge against the United for the war crimes committed. From what I have gathered it appears that many wars are preventable unless an intervention is called for to stop factions like ISIS from gaining territory. There are strategies for defeating ISIS, and based on the maps of their territory, ISIS has been in decline over the past decade. It seems that interventions against the groups are often successful and necessary to stabilize different regions. Although humanity may not be able to prevent all wars, it is certainly possible to prevent some of them through a ban on nuclear weapons and a transition to renewable energy while improving the accountability of PMCs to reduce war crimes and civilian casualties. By taking these steps humanity can make the world a safer place by preventing water wars and nuclear stand offs.

Long story short my Dad is becoming increasingly suicidal. He has been through a lot. Lost his mom, lost his career, lost his wife and his house to her and some other bad dreams. He is OCD, ADHD, Depressed, Diabetic (doesn’t take his meds apparently) - and while he still seems decent physically - he is 54 and he has been having to work a hard sheetmetal job because he’s to proud to settle - plus he has debt and it pays well. but you get it, it’s bad. Some of it his fault, a lot of it not. I love the guy. He keeps asking why we want him to keep living and suffer when he could die. He hates himself and doesn’t think he will ever deserve anything. He also has been having to take care of his girlfriend who had a stroke and needs full time care essentially. It’s bad. I know that’s just a dream. I know I will be okay. He hasn’t killed himself, he says also that he’s too afraid to kill himself or that he won’t. It will be alright, I say. But, also, I’m not sure what to do. Cops? Hospital suicide watch? Fuck up his insurance, ability to work? Also he’d probably just be put on more meds anyways. Meds can just suck more when it come to mental health. Do I move in with him (I live with my mom) and help him? His house is cramped and he smokes though. IDK, I could rant for ever. Its fucking with me though. I know it’s all love, even if he kills himself and I’m afraid of that. Or at least there’s fear. And part of me is confident that he won’t do anything and he won’t have to be sent somewhere, but I don’t know what to do. I have made myself weak. This feels like a game; I’m confused.

now you can make a bunch of stuff up but if you look at the situation clearly you will see that there is nothing more to you currently than your body which is producing your experience. You can't escape your body unless you commit suicide. You can only change it and even if you don't change it, then it will naturally change by itself until body death is reached. beyond that nobody really knows what happens. So seeing that you will be your body until you die and if you are fairly young then you have along way to go its best to take good care of it. or you can call it imagination. I wonder if that will result in a good life

When you try to convince someone to not committ suicide you are just trying to convince that person to stay in hell. I would never do such a thing, that's for sure. But of course I don't tell people to kill themselves either.. But it's their decision to make..

Just endless suffering. Stop telling people to not kill themselves. It's not going to get better, so don't give false hope. Everyone and everything wants to hurt you as much as possible. You are brainwashed into thinking that you must live at all cost, that suicide is always wrong.

Instead of committing suicide, why don't you lie in a hammock between two trees on any beach, and wait to get old looking at the sky and the sea? In the end you will die anyway, there is nothing to lose or gain. I know that it's very difficult to lie in a hammock and look the sky and be happy, there is you creating unhappiness

@Muhammad Jawad Yes, I completely forgot I was a human. I mean, it’s very hard to describe this stuff. But essentially I discovered that I was never really a human to begin with. Ego death = complete destruction of your reality and you in that reality. So yeah, I was gone. I was something else entirely. I wasn’t even “I”. Yes, it literally felt like thousands of years… but this is difficult to answer. Time in the infinite realm and time in the relative realm work very differently. There isn’t really any linear time in the infinite realm. It’s more like the y axis of the present moment is extended to infinity. It didn’t take me days to recover use of my arms and legs etc. It took probably a couple of hours (of relative time) to fully regain control, although I was able to wobble around on jelly legs with some level of control after 20 minutes or so. My legs were actually moving without any conscious input whatsoever from me for a while. When I came around I was pacing in the corner of the room. At that point I was watching my human body doing it’s thing, but as a passive observer - not consciously connected to the body at all. As far as recreating reality on my return, there were actually three distinct realities it felt like I could have returned to. In one, I was in a hospital bed having tried to commit suicide (this never happened) after a very traumatic breakup (this did happen) ten years ago. In that reality, I was coming around from a coma and a family member was holding my hand. It felt real, but I was very disorientated at this point. As I lay in the hospital bed, other potential realities presented themselves. Through all of the different realities, the one consistency was that *someone* was holding my hand. I kept asking who was holding my hand as it kept changing every five minutes or so. Ultimately the reality I came back to was this one. The one where I’m now typing this Maybe I could have ended up somewhere else. I don’t really know. I can’t pinpoint any moment of choosing.

i agree with you before i knew about self help i was doing better . and about spirituality, i dont recommend anyone to go very deep into this path bcz it can be extremely scary like seriously scary that might make u go insane or commit suicide

I'm a people pleaser, not everytime but enough to stop me from not caring of what others people think of me. What prevents me from being authentic, saying no, having an argument or reject someone that I don't want in my life is fear. (that's my opinion maybe I'm wrong) I fear the outcomes of my actions & my words. Since I'm a teenager or maybe even sooner, I manipulate people (mainly unconsciouly) to avoid them to become angry or judgmental with me. I think I adopted these mechanism because I was bullied for years, it went far and I even did suicide attempts. And maybe because of my mother & my stepfather who wasn't supportive and didn't listen to me, they were judging me negatively and I never felt adequate or loved. I see myself being inauthentic especially with girls that I'm attracted to. If I stop a girl that I'm attracted to, I feel insecure, I try to be polite, I can't be relax and I fear rejection or judgements from her. I can ask for a number when I'm interested but just before asking her number, I feel fearful and insecure and it prevents me from being relaxed or keeping a good vibe. I struggle too with keeping eye-contact with womens, I have thoughts like "if I watch her and smile to her, she will think of me as a desesperate needy guy trying to please her" and inside I feel like that, I try to please the girl I'm attracted & I feel bad for that because it communicates neediness. And being perceived as needy from a girl is what I don't want plus it is repulsive for women. After thinking about that, I was wondering; if I take courage; I go out and act like a douche on purpose. For example when I'm attracted to a girl as I talk to her, I say stupid things, I create ankward moments or I act like I don't care at all about her, would it leads to less people-pleasing & less fear to be judged ?

seek awakening. When you are as fucked up as you say you are, you are cornered, there is no way out, things were twisted from the beginning and no matter how much you straighten them they will always seem crooked. When the idea of suicide crosses your mind, it is time to seek awakening. do your research, you are in the right place. If you awaken to your true nature, your problems will be fixed, since they will not be a problem.

Its brilliantly written, BUT Its one of those things depressed individuals with suicidal thoughts will read and might further convince themselves that suicide is the answer. Many people that come here are motivated not by curiosity but to escape their suffering. Which is why one must be careful when translating these insights into human language. Does Leo need to use the words "KILL" and "DEATH" as often to convey the highest ideal of love? How people interpret and act upon these insights might go in a manner in which Leo does not intend. Language offers us words that can convey the same meaning without the morbid connotation, like transience and impermanency for example.

52. High concious job or not doing it. 53. Awakening dick is bigger than yours. 54. Youtube premium subscription. 55. Life sucks. 56. Not using i, me, mine etc. In sentences. 57. Actually learning and growing each with his her own pace. 58. Weird eating/drinking habits. 59. Looking at post count and mod status. 60. Suffering 61. Loneliness 62. If you are not vaccinated you are stupid 63. Considered once in lifetime suicide 64. Bad parents 65. Mental illnesses 66. Offering advice I do regret writing this but whatever. It does belong to collective ego. Focusing on the negative doesn't do much good either. Actually most posts are worthless unless someone learns something. It really should be just do the work whatever that is for you and shut up. So i will shut up now to do my stuff and you go do your stuff.

This is exactly why Christians identify deeply with Jesus as the character of God and say that He is the truth, the way, and the life. That is the value is saying I am Christian because it clarifies what God means to an individual. And that is an important distinction you need to make for yourself. What is God? How does a person act and do when he is aligned with Truth? There is a need for that message to be communicated to someone who does not know God or may know someone who believes in God, but does weird crap like start a suicide cult. God is also identified and distinguished by what He is NOT. like the Neti-Neti method. This is probably why humans can't get away from Good and Evil, even if it is tied to Ego. For example, I could discuss with someone on the street what God is. We both may have an experience of what we perceive as "God" and yet receive two different messages. To Mark Chapman, 'God' spoke to him to kill John Lennon. To me, 'God' says to love someone is to love myself. Which message is 'right'? or another way to put it 'whole' The problem is that the word 'God' can mean different things to people and can create a lot of confusion. The only way to know what is true is to connect to direct experience because Truth is self-evident and deeper than what is captured through the scientific method. I believe Jesus to be the Son of God because his words and actions speaks to the deep humanity in me. But I only came to this conclusion by having personal revelations of God's Love and noticing that Jesus embodied these characteristics to the highest degree. You can still connect to Truth without all of the religions, but it is certainly a great pointer or fast track to Truth within yourself, which I do agree with others is in the Present Moment.

50th post on the Actualized.org forum! I watched Leo's video on how to realize you are God and I was left with something completely unexplainable. When I first watched the video I was left scared so I immediately stopped. The next time I watched the video, the beginning of it was not scary but actually, it was boring. Yeah yeah, I get it. I don't know how I got here, my past is an illusion, I already know these things. Still, I kept watching because I might learn some things. I'm glad I kept watching because Leo said something I never thought of. "Time does not exist." It was one hell of a thing to realize. Everything else started falling into place and I started entering into a different state of consciousness. I felt a lot of something that I simply just cannot explain with words. Every time I was thinking about me in an alternate universe or me going to prison or anything negative, I'd simply realize that's all just fantasy and I would immediately return back to the present moment. Because of this, I realized myself as God more powerfully than I could've ever imagined. At the end, Leo said something like "if you aren't sure you realized you were God, you didn't. You'd be real fucking sure if you did." I smiled because I knew exactly what he meant. This is it, this was what I was looking for. I might lose this state of consciousness but I know I can always watch the video again and return completely to this state or maybe only partially. Whatever the case may be, realizing you are God only once in your life is better than not realizing you are God at all in your life. I'd like to say this was the planned ending for this journal but this literally just happened to me today. I didn't know what the Hell I was doing watching all of Leo's videos and joining this forum. All I knew was that my mental illness was more than just a mental illness. Leo was really speaking to me. However, even after months of watching Leo's content I kept going up and down over and over again without any hope in sight. A part of me felt like I wasn't even ready for this work. I even became discouraged and cried at one of Leo's videos talking about how some people just aren't ready. Still, I knew I needed this in life. No matter how insane it got, I knew this was the exact thing I was looking for. I was looking for peace in the present moment. Now, I am more than just at peace in the present moment. I am the present moment. Thank you everyone in this forum and especially Leo for helping me actualize my life. I no longer feel like suicide is the best option and I'm willing to now embrace the moment, embrace the random, and embrace whatever may come. There's still many challenges left to face in life but I'm finally feeling like I'm moving up the ladder again. Thank you crazy thoughts for helping actualize my life. This is the benefits of losing touch with reality. These were the benefits of schizophrenia.

Sinking and sinking, ball after ball. Prior to thinking happening (blah blah _______). Echoes of anger struggling for recognition and expression, in conflict with my attention which seek further awareness through patience. Alimonies and ecclesiastical ceremonies are garbage mmmnnhhnhhjhjhjjujjjjjjjjhj mmjnhhghhhhmmmjhn throw a suicide party and I'm guaranteed to fucking snap, it's evilsonic, it's pornoholic. Breakdowns obscenities is all I wanna be. IF YOU'RE 555 I'M 666, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A HERETIC. I'm thisssssss close to snapping I swear to fucking christ Ethan I'll turn this car around if you don't shut up. mmmmmmhhhhhhhh.

Are there not seasonal regularities? You have phenomenas like seasonal depression, suicide rates rising in the spring, different activities based on the season etc. Things like light intensity, air temperature and daytime length are huge determining factors for behavior with complex effects down the line. @Staples' point is related to that.

I was at exactly the same place you were, at virtually the same time - four years ago I felt like I was in a very dark place, and there just seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I was even googling the best ways to go about it (drug overdose apparently isn't the way to go), felt like I had no other option. Just couldn't quite bring myself to do it though, boy was I close though... I've had phases of feeling suicidal, I remember there were times in my mid-twenties where I'd wake up in the morning and I'd just think, 'Why even go on?' I felt so lost and alone, I couldn't see any reason to go on. It's not like I was really hysterical or anything, I'd plan it all out quite rationally in my head - the best way to go about it, how to make it look like an accident so it'd be easier on my family (so they didn't have to live with the stigma of suicide).

Sometimes I do think about whether I should kill myself or not. I know that the smart and rational thing for me would be to kill myself. It would most likely in an instant solve all my suffering and problems. But when you take also others into the equation, then it's not such a easy decision anymore. What I would gain in stopping to suffer, would be lost on my parents suffering more. About 4 years ago I was very close to killing myself. I had everything ready, the rope, suicide letter, etc, but when I was about to do it, I couldn't do it.

He's mostly green and some yellow, if you listened to his commentary he makes points that everyone suffers, that statistically black men are treated just as bad if not worst than trans... but its all relative. His general message in the netflix special is we should all love each other. If you listen to his last special he mentioned his good friend a trans comedian defended him because he gave her an opener slot when he came to oakland, not even knowing how good she was. This friend was then harassed and canceled from the trans community, then spiraled into deeper depression and committed suicide. Many people in the trans community have lots of wounds to heal from... in the first place they grew up not loving who they are and their environment as a child wasn't supportive in helping them explore their sexuality and gender.... but really how many parents are equipped to handle such things?? Their wounds prevent them to see and listen to things.... It's not anyone's job to love you but it's your job to find a way to love those that you want love from. Personally, I was a victim of hate crimes which got me fearful, angry, sad, and many other emotions... if I can turn back time, I would have given myself that advice.

I have the right stuff to make it happen. Other players recognize my talents and agree that I am under rated. I played black in this game against an International Master and won. https://lichess.org/guK01WfB Am I willing to make my entire life chess? No, and there are world champions like Kasparov and Carlsen who also play sports and are politically active. Some grandmasters are also psychologists or engineers. If I were to do something aside from chess it would be restructuring our society such that we appreciate the significance of emotional mastery which is completely overlooked in education. This vision I have resonates with me most emotionally because all my life I struggled with self manipulation in which I tried to push away my most authentic emotions to convince myself I was someone else. If there are other people who struggled in this way, then I could make my life about teaching society the limitations of education and how to overcome them. One of the consequences would be to prevent suicide, but there would be a much broader impact beyond that. This leaves me with a big decision because these two directions for my life are good, but the second resonates with me most emotionally. I don't yet know how to actualize the second and I still don't make enough to get away from family. This leaves me with some uncertainty and feeling split as to where I should go. I will keep researching other methods for actualizing the second vision.