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It’s a good question you raise… if everything is gods will, then people who commit suicide are too. Suicide feels wrong to me that’s why “I” wouldn’t do it but I’m curious as to what will happen if there was no longer a feeling of being in a body. It’s said that it’ll be this and that after death but I haven’t had the consciousness to be certain of it yet. Way too many concepts

No... if you listen closely, especially if you are suicidal, the Gods will do everything in their power to come to you to help you in your time of need. They love their creations very much and do not want anything to harm them. There is no hell, other than the experiences that we have here on earth that offer a sense of contrast. We need this contrast to grow and to feel. What comes after death is unification with love, with the divine, in some form. When I had my awakening experiences, I felt everyone connected to the Source energy. Absolutely everyone who ever was or will be, all singing in unison. Animal, plant, human. Good, evil. All with purpose and reason. The universe takes into account suicide in its plan. Absolutely. If you take your life, it was already planned. There are some circumstances where the soul might do something unexpected, but this is very, very rare. And this is what fuels the evolution of consciousness forward. When I experienced the universe, it was very much like the visuals of this song - all things in their proper place. The web of life, the feedback loops that govern us. I have a strong faith that those who have harmed themselves move on to a place for healing. Not harm. God does not do this to its creations. It does beg the question into why these mythologies are so prevalent. I don't know why that is. I can only speak from my own experience, and this tells me that all things will return to two forms - masculine and feminine - and then once these two collide, they will be One - and then the process will start over again in some manner. What that is, I don't know that either. Here is the song God spoke to me through:

Yes. Ibuprofen kills your stomach lining and paracetamol poisons the liver and gives your child adhd if you take it during pregnancy. I'm not an expert on this but I do remember this anecdote from a friend who sees a lot of suicidal patients: When a patient is brought into the ER with an overdose of pills (from a suicide attempt, under the influence or not), the question is always: Did they take a bunch of psychiatric medications, like sleeping pills or antidepressants? If that's all they took, they can pump the stomach, give IV fluids and have good hopes of the patient waking up. Or did they swallow a pack of OTC cough medicine, or pain relievers that have paracetamol in them? Well, fuck, then they're dead.

I really liked last of us 1, angry joe's and the critical drinkers review really put into words well what I agree what's wrong with the game if you wanna check those videos out. There's a lot to say about it, but basically, I just found it very very boring, slow, and pointless, wishy washy, and the ending was unsatisfying and depressing and left me without caring or hoping for anything more from the next story or game. like it took ellie murdering hundreds of people, who had nothing to do with the problem, to get revenge on the 1 person, she set out on 2 basically suicide missions to hunt her down and find her, and in the end when she finally has her, she lets her go, and thats somehow supposed to be beautiful and symbolic how she finally leanred her lesson the getting revenge is bad? Yet she brutally murdered everyone in her way of this one person who didnt deserve to die, yeah i just dont see the beauty in it, at least the execution, the ideas were interesting, the perspective flip and all that, kinda cool, but i think the execution coulda been better, the writing, less convenient encounters that push the plot along in a way that seems too lucky and convenient, less of that and I would have probably liked it more, but hard to say

The torture and execution methods of the past are a good reason not to commit suicide. You might get reborn and experience the brazen bull. Enjoy the 21st century, folks.

@Hello from Russia ha ha Except the only my way out is to become extremely valuable or suicide.

The day I discover that I'm all alone ..I will definitely quit the forum. Quit society. Either go live by myself in a cave blessing out on nothing. Or I'm gonna suicide myself. There is no point talking to "others " if you truly believe there are no others.

Maybe gather the courage to endure your life. When you commit suicide, you get another womb, and the God that you love to hate on so much might give you a worse life. In this lifetime, you have all the resources at your disposal that you need to build a good life. In the next lifetime, you might be even more lost than you are now.

Dude, if you already consider suicide so seriously, just fuck with shit for some time and just die later. Fuckin', tell random girl from youR high school that you love her (even if you don't) , tell your parents to fuck off, mess with shit. Sleep outside in the wilderness. Fucking play with this illusion if you already accepted to commit a suicide. Don't be a pussy.

@Someone here true dude, it’s one of the reasons I don’t go close to suicide, but I think any sane person has thought about it at least once in their life, it’s just so violent that I don’t think anything pleasant can come of it, duality is so annoying, I don’t necessarily think you need to experience deep suffering to know great pleasure, god certainly does, but these egos, idk

please understand this ..you are gambling when you consider suicide..you don't know what happens after death..maybe you will live a worse life after you kill yourself. I mean who the fuck knows what happen when you die . At least you know this world and you can ground yourself in the Here and now .while in suicide you are risking going to a hell realm. You have no other options . .to be..or to be .

@Holykael what's stopping you from suicide?

Goethe's writing is beautiful. "The book reputedly also led to some of the first known examples of copycat suicide. The men were often dressed in the same clothing 'as Goethe's description of Werther and using similar pistols.' Often the book was found at the scene of the suicide."

@Holymoly It's actually a tough thing to consider. Yes, grief is the consequence of love, but I think it's one of other consequences for being able to feel and experience love. I actually think apathy, and other emotions like laziness, boredom, humiliation and depression, especially depression, is the ultimate price for love. Other negative emotions, also thinking too, can be part of other costs, but I think depression would be the biggest price. Context sensitive is this one. Technically, lover's suicide is the greatest cost, but I think there are definitely other costs to loving. But that doesn't mean to stop practicing and avoiding love. Keep on feeling the love, despite the other costs, especially while you still can and will yourself to loving more.

BANG!!! I would remember that sound for the rest of my life was my first thought as I watched this young guy crumple to the floor. Dr. Werden originally ran towards Steve to stop him but it was too late, only an awkward body lay before him as dead as if he had never been alive beforehand. Dr. Werden frowned a hard frown and stated "This was Divine Will, and will not be understood." As I saw this I noticed I was trembling, it seems I was in a state of confusion and horror and was starting to get light-headed. I allowed myself the privilege of slumping to the ground as I watched Dr. Werden take out his cell phone and calmly dial. I heard him say "Yeah a student shot himself in the head on campus on by the South West Entrance to the Social Sciences Building. The campus is currently in a state of shock and terror." He then calmly bent down and looked Steve over being careful not to touch him, then simply stood there and waiting for the authorities to show up. I noticed my head was really hurting and Dr. Werden noticed me and started to approach. When he got in front of me and looked at me he asked "What's your name?" I shook my head to fight the daze I was feeling and replied "Richard, Richard Kennedy." Dr. Werden responded "Nice to meet you. Now how are you feeling Mr. Kennedy, you think you can stand or do you need to take some more time to process all this?" I shook my head to get some more of the daze out and replied confidently "No I'm fine I can stand." Dr. Werden then smiled and replied "Good because since you are a witness the police will have questions for you." Suddenly I felt a knot in my stomach, I didn't want to have to relive that moment much less talk about it. But then I remembered, that guy had people that cared about him, the least I could do was speak about his last moments. "Stand back, hey you tape this place up, and you two come over here and give me the low down." Dr. Werden led me to the man and put out his hand "The Name's Dr. Werden." The man took it and shook it "The name's Detective Presa Volte Crimine, you can call me Detective Volte since that's my nickname." Dr. Werden smiles and states "Well where would you like to do this questioning?" The Detective smirked "Don't worry I'll find a classroom and have yall stay after class." Dr. Werden smirked back "Will this count against our final?" I was taken aback, here we had a young guy with years ahead of him who just offed himself and these two were acting like long lost pals who'd just met up to have a chat. I looked at the two of them with accusatory glances and stated "Hey umm you do know someone just killed themselves right?" They both looked at me with a puzzled look. Dr. Werden gave a sheepish grin "Yeah me and the Detective go way back, he pretended just now that it was the first time we met but I use to do some consulting work for the Department a couple of years ago. We have dealt with a lot of dead bodies and we often use humor to liven up the dreary mood of crime scenes." The Detective looked at me like I was some puzzle he needed to figure out and replied "Look after you've seen 20 dead bodies, you kind of go numb. It is what it is, story of the grind." I could get the gist from a conceptual viewpoint, but for me this was new, raw, fresh, penetrating, and harrowing, if I could think up more adjectives I would but instead I felt like I was being pulled into a dark spiral and nothing mattered. I felt a deep fear arise in me, and I noticed that Dr. Werden and the Detective noticed and asked me to sit down as they led me to an empty classroom while they discussed some topic in the door way. As I sat at the desk I wondered, how would my last moment be? Would it be in a blaze of glory or would I just be some small mention in a sea of news stories without even a picture attributed as I wasn't noteworthy enough for any real effort in reporting my passing. After about five minutes Dr. Werden came to my table and let me know that the Detective had some questions for me. The Detective sat down with a recorder and stated his name, badge number, the date of the incident and what transpired. He had me state my name for the record on the recorder. Then we began the questioning. He asked me what happened before I got there, how did I end up at the scene, what did I see, how did I feel, what did Dr. Werden and the student do and did I hear their conversations. After about 10 minutes of this questioning he looked at me with a smile and told me I was done. He gave me his card, asked for my cell number and stated he would give me a call if he had anymore questions and that I was free to leave. Dr. Werden nodded and I jumped up as if suddenly held by restraints but let go, and quickly walked out of the classroom and headed home. I ran to my house, opened the front door, ran up stairs tripping as I did it clumsily, ran into my room and threw myself face first onto my bed. It seems I passed out and waking up had given me some energy. I went downstairs to the living room and turned on the T.V. and what I saw floored me. It was Dr. Werden being taken away in handcuffs and the caption read Dr. Werden was being charged with 'Criminally Negligent Murder" for the death of Steven Maldito. I couldn't believe it!! Its funny how some days work, who knew my first day of school would go from meeting my favorite teacher to witnessing a suicide in which my teacher would be charged complicit in. As I sat in astonishment I realized, I would probably end up being a key witness in the case and would have to go to court. I sunk in my couch, could this get any worse? How the hell did something like this happen to me? I hear the door bell ring, and when I opened it a reporter was there and a flash hit my eyes like he was trying to blind me forever. "Did you know the student Steven very well? What did you think about Dr. Werden's actions? Do you think he caused the kid to kill himself?" I slammed the door in his face. Looked up at ceiling as if trying to find God and thought...."Really what is the point of all this chaos?" My T.V. is still on and I hear that the news has already discovered that there is a material witness and they already discovered my name and they then plastered my face and name on the screen. I looked outside and news vans were parked along the street as if I were running some type of conference on the lawn. Things were just happening too fast for me. I just went from an unknown random student to the most famous witness to a crime in town. To be Continued.

People like Jordon Peterson, ben and matt strike me as very intelligent debaters and users of logic and simplicity. What confuses me is that, while I recognize that the natural progression of societal evolution leans in favor of libertarianism, I see a lot of really weird libertarian shit, peterson has been identified by some of us as someone who "brings balance to the force" by being a lib who actually has his head screwed on, unlike the majority of lib civilians who have obese half naked "women" with pink mohawks and rainbow banners that say "allow children to get gender changes at any age". …I was also discussing with a friend more recently about how typically, in the past, when there is a shift in the progress of societal evolution, there tends to be an overswing before an eventual and inevitable re-stabilization but that the overarching movement is still that of progression, positivity and necessity. and so in this regard i can understand why certain lib features may be a little exotic for a while and re-stabilize eventually...but im interested in looking at more stage blue individuals, why is it that people like Jordan Peterson and even Mr. Shapiro have really good debating skills and use of logic when contrasted against that of libertarian's (maybe I'm just looking at the wrong lib people). I just get the feeling that a lot of liberal philosophy is kinda damaging. like with this whole gender thing, there is solid research to suggest that gender related mentall illess exists strong and true and is related to drug abuse and genetic mental health disorders as well as massively increased rates of suicide and self harm even in protected areas where there is little to no bullying or oppression directed at them... i suppose a good example is this...while there are edge cases, the vast majority of trans people arent edge cases and suffer with mental health issues, and im willing to be corrected if im wrong but jordan peterson says that he believes that a man is a man if he has a cock and balls and woman is a woman if she has tits and a vagina and he also says that, while he wont necesarily go out of his way to offend or hurt someone intentionally, principally, if someone wants trys to make him use certain pronouns even if it violates his beliefs then he isint going to do it because its a breach of freedom of speech. Another example is matt's documentary "what is a woman?" which depicts the philosophy that, using modern liberal logic, how can a male identify as a female if females are now not classified as someone who has any kind of feminine features at all...what are they identifying as. What is a woman if you dont need a vagina, tits, long hair, certain biological components... And should liberals and extremeist social justice warriors have the right to have an abortion right up until 1 day before birth and then after birth, heavily encourage the child to consider getting a sex change? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, while i can see that libertarianism is obviously correct, what is happening with all this strange gender stuff and are figures like ben, matt and peterson wrong? (I know that there is probably more nuance to these issues and possible different nuances on a case by case basis)...Are these 3 individualds wrong for their approach to transgenderism?

I dont know where to start but yh its hard to deal with life or maybe its my flaut i dont know. The year and half have been just all over the place im 18 so when i dropped out of college i had no clue what to do so i was lost and fell in the trap of trying to find a job which i fearee doing because i kinda fear and dislike the adult world or the jobs i see and me imaging that i would be depressed for the rest of my life because it would be meaningless plus just the same old thing everyday. And this problem became such a fear that i was consdering sucide deeply because i feared that life soo much that i didnt want that life at all but the pressure of doing or getting a job made that fear worse. So around about the start of the year and last december i decided to watch leos videos about how to live a beautiful life which it did work but that fear of getting a job was still there and whilst i was watching leo i was starting to enjoy life so much and is started to become myself as a person (ofcourse someone will say there is no self bullshit but i have no idea about what it means). All i was doing was watching leos content and almost worship him like jesus well not really but i would take everything he says to heart and almost like he was the bibly or the gospel something like that. Which ofcourse caused alot of issues as the deeper i went the more deeper we went with everything so ofcourse there was gonna be a bomb that was gonna explode. And that did happen around february or march things went to shit stopped meditating stop watching leo and i dont know what happened to cause this specifically but the after math was i was trying to be like leo and live the way he did and like i said before when you think someone is like a god in your eyes and you take everything he says and belief in an instant then yh i kinda did and even today still deal with this problem. Also thought about suicide a lot started my porn addiction again needed to go to threapy untill i couldnt pay no more and my life fliped upside down in an instant. The last couple of months has been the same but the thoughts of suicide have stopped i figured and understood my fear a lot more, my feelings towards life and my excitement has disapeared and to be honest ive never felt such little excitement out of my life from the last couple of months which has scared me a lot because i dont what to do about it. Another problem ive been having is always not knowing what to do as all i do nowa days is set around and watch youtube all day and play some games but the voice inside of me is always saying you need to figure out your life and its been like this for the last couple of months and basically im lost and have no idea what to do with my life i guess i could go and work at a job but to be honest that would be like leo said soul draining. The fear of me not knowing what to do with my life or whats next has just haunted me for the longest that i know. And im always trying to plan to be like a perfectionist becaue i probably fear too much about failing or other stuff. For me i want to live a beautiful meaningful life but i have soo much doubt and so clueless upon what to do and i dont know how to get there or where to go and i do feel like sometimes i should just end it all because the amount of pain that ive experince the last 3 years or so i just feel like i would be at peace for once but i dont know what to think anymore. Ps this is not an attack on leo its more of my flaut then anything also may not have said everything or all the important things but this took a while to type up so may a have missed somethings. I didnt want to do this or never really wanted to do this but i have no idea and no one to go to to be honest so this is all i could think off also it has been a down week for me and the last day or so.

@Aaron p 1. Unless the child specifically wants that gender identity and wants the hormonal treatment. The catch 22 here though, is that most children don't know enough nor are able to make their own decision for the path of their entire life, which then puts partial responsibility for the child's guardians to help them think through those decisions. 2. I would say abortion should be allowed if the mother's life is in danger, has been sexually assaulted and forced to be pregnant against her will, or too young to be carrying a baby. Also, I would say the first week to 1 month for the abortion, but past that and the fetus thing in question looks like a human baby. 3. I don't understand your question, do you mean to genocide all gender related mental disorders? 4. I speculate its social media induced, but there are other factors like dysfunctional relationships or family traumas and such, too many reasons why there's a suicide rate increase in these cases. 5. Context sensitive. For example, some tribal person who grew up in a tribe, in a third world country, migrating to the USA and doesn't know there are these bunch of pronouns, gets a pass for me. Do you mean legal punishment for not knowing a pronoun? Or do you mean public punishment and public humiliation?

Alright ok, I'll drop the pink mohawks, BLM and stuff. BLM is extremely important, I guess I'm generalising a lot. I'll even drop the Ben, Matt and Peterson parts... Anyone straight gay black white trans deserves respect... ...I guess just ignore the OP, answer these questions (and I am looking to be corrected if I'm wrong legit): - is it alright to encourage/endorse/accept 10 year olds to question what gender they are and then facilitate the surgery for those children getting permanent gender transitions in combination with regular hormone replacement drugs? - should abortion be allowed up until birth? - have all gender related mental illnesses ceased to exist within the last 30 years? - why are there massively disproportionate suicide, self harm and regular mental illness rates within the LGBTQ+ community even in areas where they don't have to face oppression and bullying? - should someone be punished for not respecting certain LGBTQ+ beliefs by using "correct pronouns"? (By the way, the reason I'm asking these questions is because I'm becoming more involved in libertarianism and progressivism since I was a hardcore stage blue Baptist for 20 years. I'm just trying to gauge the new environment). Respect, peace and love.

My bad . Then I take back my words . But also notice that its still a high rate of deaths caused by suicide.

@Someone here I don't know what data you saw about suicide, but it seems what you said about suicide being the 2nd most common cause of death, isn't true.

Yes, but to say that the reason is because they were born, is just way too vague of an explanation for that. Again, If what you say would be true (that non-existence is objectively better, than existence),then why would anyone want to continue their life? If what you say would be true, then suicide would be the 1st common cause of death Why would anyone be afraid of death, if according to you, non-existence is objectively better than existence?

And thousands of people take their own life away every year . Do you know that suicide is the 2nd most common cause of death globally every year ? Why do you think suicide even exist? If life is meant to be lived happily then why does bad shit keep happening to you but just because you are afraid of death you delay your suicide because of fear of a worse situation after death than your current life . That's really all it boils down to . Well..Im aware that it has both negatives and positives . I'm here specifically focusing on the negativity of it . assuming more people choose not to have kids, there will be less instances of screaming babies in theaters and restaurants. There is a benefit. There will also be less babies taking up resources so more for the rest of us. There will also be less infants suffering due to being unwanted and likely in abusive households or orphanages whose quality of life is absolute shit .

I think he goes into states where he does a lot of psychedelics, and then makes posts like these. You can see the difference in how he writes, the quality of it when he is high vs. when he is not. I mean, it's probably not the best move if you're a semi-famous spiritual teacher who's trying to lead people towards a sense of balance/a great life and whatnot, but the fact of the matter is this, he isn't wrong, you know? Right-wing MAGA idiots do kind of suck. They're like literal parasites in this country. And for anyone with a decent ethical sense, it can be triggering and infuriating to see so many people fall into the trap of thinking that these people know what's best for the country. It's so glaringly obvious, that it's difficult not to want to just shout out, "You're a literal waste of space in every sense of the word and it makes me sad." Because it is sad, these people are destroying not only themselves, I mean, they don't vote for what's best for them, but they are destroying progress for millions of other people. So I see why Leo, who's entire "thing" is growth and progress, would be annoyed with people who are so against the human race moving forward, who are literally helping to facilitate our very extinction due to their own stupidity and greed. But it doesn't translate well when you have built up your image to not be someone who gets triggered about these things. Goes both ways. This stuff doesn't bother me, what bothers me is when he posts something like, "I got close to suicide" or something like that on a video, that worries me, because I value this community and if he is sick or dead, then this community will no longer exist. It's kind of like a selfish form of valuing someone. I get value from the space he allows for other people, and so I want him to be healthy and happy, but seeing as I don't know him personally and he has expressed a boundary multiple times over the years that he likes to have a bit of distance from his followers, I just let him do his own thing, unless the behaviour is really, really unusual, then I might speak up about it. But this is actually pretty normal for him, it seems. To get high on something, and either make an awakening video, or post a bunch of out of the blue blogs or weird pictures. My personal advice for him would be to wait until you're sober. Write it all up, sure, or take the picture, the video, etc, but just wait and see if you still agree with its vibe later on down the road. I say this as someone who used to smoke a lot of weed, or would sometimes browse the internet while drunk as a skunk - I don't do either anymore, but I would say things or do things that I would never say or do in a sober state, and it's like, once you do it, you can't really take it back - it's out there, or the pattern is set. And if you're a public figure and people have some weird expectation of you to behave in a certain way, sometimes it's not the worst thing in the world to entertain that for the sake of keeping your image clean. Expression is great, but if it comes at a cost, then it's best to put at least some personal boundaries on what you choose to show about yourself, and I don't think that if you're high that you'll know for certain where that boundary is - especially considering psychedelics remove those for you. Just my 2c. Take or leave.

I guess it's a stereotypical day for someone like me Without a nine-to-five job or an uni degree To be caught up in the trappings of the industry Show me the locked doors, I find another use for the key And you'll see I'm well aware of certain things that can destroy a man like me But with that said give me one more, higher Another one to take the sting away I am happy on my own, so here I'll stay Save your lovin' arms for a rainy day Matt jumped down the steps from his front door in one giant leap before turning into his wolf form and raced off to Maya and Wyatt's. He had a few different emotions churning around. On the one hand he was very happy to have had our morning together. I had taken the right initiative to maintain eye contact with him and to let him know that I loved him, and this made him feel special and energetically reinvigorated. On the other hand, he understood that I was in pain emotionally and didn't know what he could do to fix this for me beyond giving me the extra space that I asked for. He could see that my life was becoming a bit more resolved now that I had my memories back, but he wanted to see me happy and thriving and not stuck in the past. He was filled with a renewed sense of purpose at the prospect of returning to work, and stopped for a moment to let out a loud, passionate, "Awooooo!" of joy before continuing on his way to his friend's house, taking long graceful strides as he made his way through the neighborhood streets. When he got to Maya and Wyatt's he turned back into a man, quickly hopped up their steps and knocked on the door three times, with a wide eyed, eager expression plastered on his face. Wyatt answered moments later. "Matt! Hey buddy. It's a bit early in the week for hunting, what's up?" "Hey, can I come in? I wanted to have a chat with you, and, uh, maybe Maya if she's home..." Wyatt moved away from the door and indicated with his hand that it was okay to come in. Matt stepped inside and walked into their livingroom, which was filled with Maya's artwork depicting hunting scenes in golden calligraphy styled strokes and taxidermy busts of various light animals that Wyatt had commissioned. Their livingroom had the common dark red and mustard colour scheme that demons used and their couch and two brown chairs were covered in woven blankets and scattered with little decorative pillows. The floor was a dark wood and had a large hide from a light buffalo that rested in the middle of the room. There were pictures and canvases everywhere that held Maya's completed and incomplete works of art on them. The lighting of the room was very warm and the overall feel of the house gave off a comfortable, lived-in impression. "What do you want to talk about, man?" Wyatt asked. He noticed that his friend seemed to be in good spirits today. "You thirsty? Want anything to drink?" "No, I uh, I'm good." Matt made his way over to the couch and sat down in between a bunch of blankets and pillows, tossing some of them aside. "I wanted to let you know that I'm gunna take you up on your offer. I'd like to come back to work." Hearing this left Wyatt beaming. "Really? That's fantastic news, Matt." When Matt left the house, I decided to take the time to go over my life once more and to try to get used to my new body. I took the large framed mirror that he had on his dresser and propped it up on his bed, using one of the feather pillows to keep it steady. I took the other pillow and held it close to my chest for comfort and stared at my reflection in the mirror for a long time. Just a week ago I was a human being, a middle aged woman in an average looking body with an average looking face. Now I look like a teenager again and absolutely nothing like I used to. And yet Matt said this is the real me. The form taken each time in between my life and death cycles. I leaned in to inspect my face. No pores, no blackheads, not even a single wrinkle. My blonde hair was perfect. Shiny, with soft, bouncy curls. No body hair, flawless skin, a gazelle-like body, and a perfectly symmetrical angelic little face... "If I looked like this while I was alive I probably wouldn't have killed myself." I said jokingly. I had always wanted to be a beautiful woman and I missed my youth when I lost it, but now that I was sitting here in this new form, it felt very foreign to me. Like someone else was looking back from the mirror's reflection and it made me feel uneasy. "My name is Annie..." I reminded myself. "And I died. My name is Annie. And I died. My name is Annie. And I'm dead. Hello, new me..." I pressed my forehead to the mirror. "You will have to get used to seeing out of these eyes." I gripped the pillow tightly as a few stray tears escaped. I repeated some of what Matt had told me the night before. "You were born in Arizona. You had a mother, a father, a brother. You were sick. Very sick. If it wasn't from suicide, it would have been something else. You were lost. You had no choice. And now you're here, in a completely different world with people that you don't understand and you have a new boyfriend. And your soul is stuck within his. Forever. And he knows everything about you. Every embarrassing moment, every flaw, every insecurity. And he still loves you... you're loved. Isn't that weird?" Maya, upon hearing Matt's voice, came out of the couple's bedroom to greet him. "Is that Matt?" She was dressed in a white kimono and had braided her hair into spirals pinned on the sides of her head. She wore black lipstick and matching nail polish. "This is unexpected. So how did Annie enjoy our little trip last night?" She came over to sit next to him on the couch, moving some of the pillows to make a space for herself. "You know, I'm not sure. When I brought her home I told her about her past life and The Mother gave her all her memories back this morning. We uh, we had sex again and she popped up in my eye while we were going at it, you know?" Matt ran an anxious hand through his messy hair. "She, uh, she wants some space to work through it..." "Oh no..." Maya placed a hand over her mouth. "Is she okay?" "Yeah, she is doing better, but I'm sure I'll find out more when I get home, you know? I uh, I came here to discuss some things with you both." Matt continued. "He wants to come back to work!" Wyatt interrupted. "I can get you set up in a few days, man. You can start in the back and we'll move you up to management in a few months. If everything works out and you feel ready for it, then I'll hand everything back to you in six months tops. We'll get a contract ready. By the way, Sophia's the manager now, but I can relocate her to the Mington location. She isn't doing well with Broadview, I think there's too much traffic." "Fuck. Sophia's still working there?" Matt sniffed. Sophia was one of Matt's very first sexual encounters. She was a very beautiful demon woman with a tantalizingly perfect hourglass figure, but she had a terrible personality to go with it. She really liked the idea of cording with Matt, especially because of his wealth and social status within the city. When they tried to have sex he couldn't keep an erection and, feeling completely embarrassed about the whole ordeal, he decided to end the night early. She took it personally and told everyone who worked in the restaurant that he wasn't well endowed and that he would never make another woman happy, and often publicly degraded him to cope with her own irritation that nothing ever panned out between the two of them. Before Matt quit his job, he had admitted to a few colleagues that he had brought a human home and that he was caring for her. Violet. He mentioned that he was developing feelings for her. Upon hearing this, in a fit of jealous rage, Sophia spread rumours throughout the three restaurants that he had a fetish for "gutter rats". Matt was actually a very attractive prospect to a lot of demon women but not finding them sexually appealing, he rarely took notice and had a string of broken hearts that, for the most part, he was completely oblivious to. He knew that when he went back to work, she would give him hell for being in the position to eventually take over her job. "Fuck that bitch." He muttered under his breath. Wyatt chuckled. "I know Matt." Wyatt knew about Sophia's temperament. "It's going to be okay, man. It's just a few months with her." Matt looked at the ground and sucked on his upper fang in irritation. "Matt, I am so happy for you." Maya piped up. "What made you change your mind?" "Well... I have someone now. And I love her. So... I feel fucking good, you know, Maya?" The two of them smiled at one another. Despite being Wyatt's wife, Maya absolutely adored Matt and wanted to see him happy. Before she met Wyatt, she was very interested in Matt and they had gone on a date together but he didn't feel a connection so he introduced her to Wyatt, thinking that they would be a better match. And he was right. Weeks later, they had a cord between them. She was always trying to find ways to bring him out of his shell and to help him facilitate a connection with someone. After he had found a partner for her, she had wanted to return the favour. Hearing this news was music to her ears. "She's waiting at the house for me. So I don't wanna stay here too long. But I have a favour to ask of you." "What's that?" "My house isn't safe to leave a human alone in. Could I, uh, could I bring her by in the morning before I head to work to stay with you, Maya? I can't just leave her in my room all day. It won't be forever. It's just until I can figure something else out." "Matt, of course!" Maya exclaimed. "I can teach her about demon culture while you're away. We'll have a great time." "I don't like the idea of a human staying in my home..." Wyatt intervened. "But if it will get you back into the kitchen, then this is fine. Temporarily." He added. "Be sure to bathe before you come." "Thanks Wyatt." Matt reached out to shake his hand. "I appreciate this so much, you know? But I gotta get going now. I just wanted to discuss this with you both and see if we could all get on the same page." Matt stood up. "I'll see you in a few days to go hunting, man, and maybe we can write up that contract afterwards. Go over everything. And then you can set a date on when you want me to start. Sound good?" "Yes. And Matt? I have something I made yesterday. Light deer roasts with mingfruit jelly marinade. I want you to take some of this and share it with your human. We'll see who's the better cook now, man." Wyatt gave a cheeky smile and left to get the roasts. He returned a few minutes later with a bag that contained the wrapped up meat. Matt thanked them both graciously and left the house with the bag of food in his hands. Once outside, he put the bag handles in his mouth, transformed into a wolf and made his way back up the hill. I went over my life in great detail, contemplating and speaking out loud in the mirror to my renewed image. I thought about all of the spiritual awakenings that I had while alive and how they had left subtle clues for me that this would be my fate. I had always felt that there was someone meant for me, just outside of reach and somewhere beyond the constrains of my designated reality. I wanted to speak to The Mother and to thank her for what she had done for me. I addressed her directly, "Hi..." I said sheepishly, looking at my reflection. "I don't know if you can hear me, but I wanted to thank you for Matt. He's a really wonderful person and I am so glad to have him. I also wanted to thank you for giving me back my history..." I held tightly onto the pillow and gently rocked from side to side. I was feeling anxious to be communicating with her. "I don't think I could have managed here without my memories." "You have created a beautiful world. Your people are very lovely... I don't know much about their culture or their traditions, but their cities are stunning and their food is delicious. Everyone on Earth equates demons to being these evil monsters. I had no idea that they could be normal, loving and so understanding. Just like human beings can. If it weren't for Matt's eyes, I would forget that he is a demon and not a human! We are so similar in a lot of ways..." I continued. "This connection between us feels right. It feels natural and easy. I'm happy, and so grateful that you picked me out to be with your wonderful son. I just thought I should let you know that." I didn't know what else to say to her and decided to end it on that note. I curled up into Matt's red velvet blanket to take a long nap. I had been oversleeping a lot in this new world. A large part of it was due to the stress of these changes coming at me all at once. There was so much to take in and I didn't know how to process it without getting a lot of extra rest. When Matt got home, he quietly moved the mirror back onto his dresser and then went to the kitchen to cook the light deer for us to have for dinner. He let me sleep in peace for a few more hours until the early evening hit. He came back into the room with a dinner tray and gently woke me up, asking me to sit with him on the rooftop again. I agreed and we both curled up together to enjoy Wyatt's meal while watching the stars twinkle and the souls move through the band in the sky. Matt told me about the discussion he had with his friends and his plans for me. I let him know that I was coming to an active resolution with my history and passively mentioned to him that I thought he was the better cook. Upon hearing this news, he took my face into his hand and rubbed a soft thumb across my cheek. "Good girl..." Say, say, my playmate Won't you lay hands on me Mirror my malady Transfer my tragedy? Got a curse I cannot lift Shines when the sunset shifts When the moon is round and full Gotta bust that box, gotta gut that fish My mind's aflame We could jet in a stolen car But I bet we wouldn't get too far Before the transformation takes And blood lust tanks and Crave gets slaked My mind has changed My body's frame, but, God, I like it My heart's aflame My body's strained, but, God, I like it