QandC

When that happened I recognized a slight cringe arising but still it was fun

Lol if you would know about his previous work you'd understand

I tried sending the first 5+ hr. podcast to a few of my friends bad idea lol

I am a psychopath from an absolute perspective

It tricks your brain dawg! Alcohol used to make me feel awesome now it makes me feel like shit so I never drink lol

@Javfly33 For example if I'd say a sentence like "You will have a bad day" it became true for her. So much that I had to "reverse the curse" and that was an entire process of it's own.Ridiculous, I know. But imagine loving someone so much, and they just tear your heart out through their toxic behaviour, and eventually after months you don't even know who the hell the person is, why you are with this person, or why you still stay with her. But still you do and you cannot get away from it. It's utterly crazy how much infatuation and neediness can blind us. What's even worse is knowing that you have the key to get away from your suffering, but you actually believe that leaving the suffering will equal more pain than staying in it. Delusions = Hell

My ex was suicidal and had the most irrational fears you could ever imagine. It was the most frustrating time of my entire life and no matter what I did it never helped. It's amazing how toxic and delusional a mind can get. So much that even it starts infecting your own mind, and then you are fucked. Some people cannot be cured, especially when they do not want to be

@Tim R Cross goes upside down! And the Devil laughs LOL

The old "tourist trap" in a European capitol. Didn't know how the "three cups 1 ball" trick worked so I fell for it. I guessed right the first time and they gave me a chunk of money along with my own money, they made me bet again and I won, then then I bet again after the stakes were doubled and they won everything back+most of my cash. When I got suspicious they were gone, poof, just like that. Like they were never even there. Real pros. Turns out it this is a pretty ancient trick haha

@Nahm Hmm yeah maybe. But it doesn't feel like I am trying to be some knower or anything. There is no temptation there. It is more that the thoughts/realizations are not coming from me. I am not the one producing them. It is larger than the self and they come through the mind in a filtered way that both my ego can understand and that my "higher self" understands. Beware that I am only talking about my experience through psychedelics and do not claim to know anything superior. The realizations also help me at times.

@Nahm Please elaborate

I have been experimenting quite a bit with psychedelics lately and some of the growth it's caused in me is indescribable. Sudden realizations I have that really strikes chords with me and makes me have a positive change in my "sober life" come quite often. These are also along with a meditation and kundalini yoga practice, as well as shamanic breathing. I have this idea that insights or realizations cannot be "mental chatter" or "intellectual understanding", and always had the image of true realizations have to be experienced through my body or some level beyond the intellectual. But many of the insights I have had on psychedelics have been precisely that, intellectual. And the crazy thing is that these realizations are sometimes about the nature of reality. I kind of "think" myself in an extremely vivid and conscious way into an understanding of who I am and what everything around me is. It becomes this sort of key that unlocks insights of for example "I am the universe, because there is no separation between me and reality" *CLICK* = feeling of realization and a sort of visualisation of what that is actually like. I do not necessarily "experience" it without the impact of the thought, but the image that I hold kind of becomes my experience. Like I truly feel for a split second what being God and the universe is, along with an image of what I believe that is like/looks like and it feels so real and so obvious as well. These realizations kind of shakes me at times because when I am in a sober state it feels like my mind has sometimes rememberd these simple understandings and can use the thought as a key to experience it again in a sober state of being. But they still feel like they are a part of my mental chatter and is not the actual being of what a full-blown awakening is like. They kind of scratch the surface at times and then goes back to ego. I have to sometimes forcefully think my way into It but still it feels like it cannot be it since it is just "thinking". Are the realizations valid or should I dismiss them as mental chatter and look for something deeper?

Never thought about this but I should try. Music is one of my favorite entertainments. I almost get high from it

It is, as well as genetics. I am currently doing a PRP-treatment for this and it seems to help. I also take medicine for it.

Holy shit dude, ever heard of paragraphs? But yeah, I have been in your place. I am one of those people who has to reach rock bottom to really wake up. I need the external to really confirm how my negative mind affects me. In my experience I got so disgusted with myself and my own behaviour that I just couldn't be that person anymore and the negatives by far outweighed the positives, so I had to change. Maybe you need to reach rock bottom as well to realize this, but hopefully not.