QandC

Dying and coming back to life

One of my favorite videos from Leo is Awareness alone is curative. It's very practical and most importantly very true. I don't know why I didn't take the video more seriously back in the days, but the past few months I've really gotten into it. I started small, I wanted to stop saying "liksom" (swedish for "like") in every sentence. I also wanted to talk slower and be more calm in the presence of others ("the strong silent type like Gary Cooper, LOL"). It works great. I don't say "like" anymore while talking. I'm more patient with people when it comes to listening, and I do not state my opinion as much. Before I've always wanted to give my opinions to others and always share my perspectives (this forum doesn't count though..). It's actually a strength, to be able to shut up. When I was young I was extremely shy, and I thought being talkative was basically a superpower. Ever since then I've always tried to compensate - and this has led me to being the most talkative person in the room. Which in turn has become a self-fulfilling thing, since I feel good when I talk as if it's some Fuck You to my past self. Now I gotta go back, full circle, and learn to keep quiet. I think mindfulness has been my biggest help here. A daily practice to become more aware of the phasets of consciousness leaves a room to become aware of your habits as well. I think from now on I have to get more deeper into deconstructing myself. There's nothing more I can "build" in my identity. Time to empty the cup. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qy_INVm_Pw0 Peace.

Coool! I once asked the dream to show me enlightenment. What happened was that everything froze. I was elevated up in the air like an inflating balloon, and then I popped and I became everything. What I liked most about it was the feeling of utter amazent and awe. I often lucid dream, and when I do I usually tell the dream to show me something I wanna see. For example if I wanna f*ck Megan Fox, I imagine that she is behind the door, and I have to really believe it, and when I open the door (in the dream) I see her. And you can imagine what happens next. While in a lucid dream its easy to get overly excited and wake up. To stay in the dream - spin around. It prolongs the lucid dream.

Damn dude, making this to a science or something haha. Sit down and look at your hand, you got all the answers you need right there.

Be careful with this shit. I'm serious. When I was 15 and started my spiritual path, I did some really heavy chakra meditations/yoga, and I prematurely opened my third eye. I was not ready for it. I started seeing weird shit, I felt like I was being ripped apart from reality as if there was another layer behind everything. I didn't understand what I was going through, but now I know. I was not grounded at all. Start from the bottom - root chakra, and work your way up. You can start with a simple root chakra meditation every day, and as the weeks go by work your way up. But do not start at the top of the pyramid when there's no solid ground to build on.

Interesting. Reminds me of Ankhing. It's an ancient Egyptian technique. The technique works great when it comes to visualisation. This is gonna sound ridiculous but here me out: When you masturbate, envision what you want. Truly get into it. Right at the peak before you orgasm, remove your hand and really tense up your pelvic region so that you don't ejaculate. At this peak (which is very difficult, you'll know why) shift your focus to your third eye. Let the "sexual energy" rise to the top of your head while you visualize your goals and your purpose. While your mind is flooding with dopamine and oxytocin, and you associate this with your desires, the idea of what you want will more easily be "planted" in your subconscious. Its the most effective way. If you have a desire - it's an idea + emotion. The only reason you pursue an idea is because you are emotionally attached to it - and therefore you have the power to control what you want your brain to consciously (but most importantly, subconsciously) pursue.

Btw. if anyone wants to read some more stories, I'm willing to share There's one during march-april 2024 (me being sober and fine, but still paying for my old sins) about the connection between a spiritual seeker and someone whose survival depends on recycle:able cans. Its quite a spiritual experience. To survive the next day — never have you ever had thought of trash bins in such a glorified way 😄

@Rishabh R We're just getting started!

There have been many many times where I've gone in the total opposite direction of growth, i.e self-destruction. Going way over my head in a short amount of time; I forgot the basics. So yes. Fundamentals are everything

@Princess Arabia Thank you 🌱❤️

Thanks guys

Non-linear. My intuiton always guides me to the right pages lol. Just roll with it. By the way Leo, we need a NEW BOOK LIST (Society stuff)

This is gonna be difficult to write. I wanna share my story of what I've learned throughout my 10 years of falling in love with the idea of inner- and outer growth. I'm Swedish so bare with my grammar: I'm 27, and I started my self-help journey back in 2014. Back then I had so many anxieties, fears and I always felt inferior. Because of this I always tried to prove myself, and take extreme measures to try and "change my mind". I started in the worst possible way - self-medicating. When I first discovered alcohol, I fell in love. I finally felt all of my self-doubts disappearing. I couldn't even walk into a bus without thinking everyone was judging me. So I kept drinking, at inappropriate times too like at my first summer job, in school, during family gatherings etc.. I went to a really "posh" private high school where there were very competitive students. Ofc. this kinda' shaped me in a way; both good and bad. But it wasn't until I discovered "Clasik Obas" on youtube talking about NoFap. According to him, it was gonna help with mental clarity and confidence. So I tried it for a week, and on my 7th day of not fapping, I felt the most naturally confident I've ever felt. Suddenly I was very talkative, confident and had more peace of mind. It kind of shocked me, I didn't know if it was placeboe or if it actually worked. Either way, the effects were the same - positive. I realized that maybe I don't need substances to feel better about myself. And so I discovered Leo. This was like right before he started talking about Spiritual enlightenment etc. But when he made that video, I got so mindfucked and started questioning everything. I started a hard core meditation routine, and my self-help journey really took a start. I transformed, and finally had real purpose. I realized that I'm an all- or nothing type of person, so I had to devote my life to self-discovery. But I was very happy to do it. A year later, when I graduated high school, I had my eyes on a top business college in Denmark, and I didn't think I was gonna get accepted... but since I'm a perfectionist I always made sure that my grades were good. So I got in. But at that time I felt like "if I start this route, the conventional college->job->wife->house->children-route I wouldn't really have the space to explore different lifestyles. I threw the acceptance letter in the garbage, and I started walking around a lake that I called "The Lonely Route". I don't know why, but I started imagining two voices in my head: one called Q and the other one called C. Q was always giving me very practical advice, while C always gave me spiritual advice. Weirdly enough they had different accents. Ofc. I was the one talking to myself, but I felt that the more I kept doing it, week after week, I became more aware of my true potential and that there was something else out there for me to discover. By that time, after the summer was over, I started working a part-time job as a mail-man, which I enjoyed. At the same time, every day, I was listening to podcasts, self-help videos, Leo, Bob Proctor, Tony Robbins etc etc. I got so f*cking interested in the mind and how it works, so I felt I had to write everything down that I learned. I ended up writing my own self help book that I called The Manual. It was basically just my own manifesto so to speak, and I didn't intend on publishing it. At this time I was also deep into my Judo-career. I competed a lot and it added to my confidence. I eventually won a scolarship, and I felt like I had to use it in a productive way. My dad suggested me to go to Japan to train judo, but I wanted to do something different so I went to South Korea instead. I got thrown into a country I knew nothing about, but oh man... best decision ever. I kept going there after that first visit, and I felt like I had found a place around the bent, where I didn't have any identity or anything to carry - just total freedom. I was very into the whole 'law of attraction' thing back then (2017~2018). So I started imagining a remote job I could do from home whenever, wherever. Had no idea how I was gonna find it, but somehow I did. this kept building my belief in the power of the subconscious and LoA etc. My time in South Korea was magical. I basically worked like 2 hours per day from my laptop, and then I was free to just live. Unfortunately I went a little bit crazy and over my head - super hedonistic lifestyle. Once I burned through that karma I started working on my life purpose. Over in Korea the focus on mental health is not as big as in the west, and many people I talked to seemed very lost. I was extremely liberal and individualistic in my mindset so I didn't take into account that their culture is different. Still, I somehow felt as if I had to help others. So I became a life coach (its basically just the art of asking questions, no matter how cringe the title sounds). I started writing my second book The Inner Game in 2018, which focused on inner peace/happiness. I also got it translated to Korean. I felt that I'd already figured out the basics of self help, and Leo's videos were starting to become deeper, and I felt like I had to catch on. So my meditations and contemplations became more intense. I started having awakening experiences, I dabbled in psychedelics (when I visited Sweden at times), and things became very interesting. Effortless. Awesome. Love. Finally the happiness I was looking for. I started a business focused on coaching younger people who are lost in life. I had a few clients, and it paid well. I started doing lectures over in Seoul, talking about spirituality, self-coaching. I started networking like crazy and met some interesting people. I also met the girl of my dreams, or so I thought... This girl, I tell ya. I wasn't that physically attracted to her at first, she looked like a little muppet, but still cute. However, her PERSONALITY, holy shit. It was like an old man in a young woman's body. So I could talk to her for hours without ever getting bored. So during 2019 I tried to spend as much time with her as possible over in Korea. At times I had to go back to Sweden cus' I had an apartment there as well. However, this virgin, catholic girl warned me "If I fall in love with you, I will become crazy, I am warning you". I just took it as a joke, but I was so in love that I ignored all the small signs along the way. Months went by, and I started walking on egg shells. She was super jealous, in extreme ways. If I just accidentally glanced at another woman, we would have a 5 hour talk about it afterwards. And cus' of her strong personality, she manipulated me in ways that caused a future trauma in me I'mma get into later. Once the pandemic arrived, I had to go back to Sweden. But then already I knew our relationship was so toxic and unhealthy, still it crushed me that I couldn't go back there and visit her. We talked on the phone every day. I was in my lonely pent house, working a few hours from home, without structure... I was too free. I was so free that I became a prisoner in my own mind. My biological clock got all fucked up, started going to bed at 5 am and waking up at 3-4 pm. And to cope with the phone calls with her, I had to drink and get high. Every call ended in me spending hours explaining things I've told her, things I'd done, screaming, crying.. it was hell. I woke up with anxiety every single day, thinking that this might be the day she breaks up. To this day I don't understand why I put myself through that mental torture and why I didn't just break up with her. I was feeling so miserable, cus' I put my entire life on pause, always comparing my life in Sweden to my life in Korea. But still, the only emotional attachment I had over there was her. So in 2020, while all the chaos with her was going on, and I hurt myself day after day, I felt like I had to continue develop my business. I was not in the right state of mind to coach others, but I missed talking to people about self-growth. So I started my own podcast Staying Conscious, and had soooo many awesome conversations with amazing people arouind the world. I also met another member of this forum, a German life coach, super cool guy. He even came to visit me. In 2021 I had enough of my gf. so I broke up. It was such a relief out of this world. I still kept in touch with her though, because she had a lot of trauma and I promised her I'd always be there for her if she needed me. We're good friends now on the phone, but its cus theres no emotional thing anymore. I started studying Behavioural science at a university (by distance cus' of corona), and since I still had my remote home job (not coaching) I was very free. Studying a few hours a week, a few hours of work - awesome. I got myself clean and I got myself a cat, lol. I didn't feel as lonely anymore and I felt better. This was the time I really went deep into psychedelics, marijuana, and experimenting with different drugs "for educational purposes". The spring of 2021 was, for me, just an entire trip. I experienced so many crazy fucking things that I became a full-blown spiritual mumbo-jumbo:ist. The more time went on I felt that sure, I was still studying for another 2 years, but I was sick of my remote job. It wasnt freedom anymore, it had become hell for me. I put way too many expectations on myself, and when I constantly didn't reach them, my anxiety and stress went through the roof. Autumn of 2021 was really bad for me. This is when I started with harder drugs - amphetamines and benzo. I was always anxious and depressed and paranoid. Here's where things get nuts Beginning of 2022 I knew things were soon to explode, so I had to sell my cat because I knew I wasn't gonna be able to take care of him anymore. I talked to my parents over the phone a lot, crying that I wanted to move back home. I landed myself a nice part time job, but at that time I was already experimenting with benzos and sleeping meds. No one ever discovered me, even though some people had suspicions cus I constantly looked miserable. And then, summer of 2022 came, and by that time I felt fully evil. I started listening to The Doors a lot, and I idolized Jim Morrison to the point where I became infatuated by the whole hedonistic-bohemian-lifestyle. (Even believed I was gonna join the 27-club, lol). I started living wrecklessly while rationalizing my behaviour.I went into a dark dark hole where I did some fucked up shit I can't mention here. Suddenly, I met another woman who I fell in love with very quickly. She lived in Stockholm, 6 hours away from me. But I started traveling there every weekend, and even though she didn't have much a personality, I loved her energy and she was really beautiful. I thought that "finally! I have an escape now! Lets move to stockholm!". So after a few beers I convinced a landlord to allow me a place up there. Not a good place, basically just a small room. But hey, I was finally in Stockholm and could be near my girl! The idea was better than the reality though. Thus, I started drinking every day. I got alcohol delirium, and I wasn't satisfied with the security from her, from where I lived, from my new job that I hated so much I had to drink hand-sanitizer in the bathroom to pull through the day (yes, you read that right). I eventually found a new place to live, after my first week. So I moved there, it was a little bit better but still, so unplanned and impulsive that I wasn't satisfied with that either. I drank every night and went down town and picked fights and met strange people I shouldnt've have gotten involved with. During my two weeks up there in Stockholm, I ended up in the emergency 3 times. One of which when I was beaten down by a random guy and dragged out of his apartment - no idea how I even ended up there. Anyways, my disfigured face brought me to the hospital. My girlfriend also started noticing that I showed up drunk just to see her. She hated it ofc. The second time I went into the emergency (remember, this was a span of 2 weeks) was when I got my alcohol tremens/delirium, I had to go to a detox-place. I received some benzos for my anxiety, was supposed to take only one, but I took 10 of them and slept for 2 days in a row. When I woke up after the weekend to go to work, I was suicidal (for real). I wanted to jump in front of a train and I was very close to doing it. Luckily I didn't, and I went to a treatment center because I wanted to receive Antabus (a medicine for alcoholics) and also be prescriped anti-depressants (that I had been against for years). I felt that I had to convince the doctor that I was really depressed, so I told him about all my feelings and that I was suicidal etc. It ended with him calling the police. They drove me to a mental hospital where I got checked-in. I called my mother and asked her to call my landlord as well as my workplace - to tell them I'm not coming back. They locked me into a very sterile room where I had to wait for 4 hours alone. I asked them how long I was gonna stay there, and they told me at least 5 days. I panicked and thought "wtf have I become?". For some weird reason they allowed me to talk to their Senior psychiatrist, and I convinced him that this was just a whole big misunderstanding. I just wanted anti-depressants, not this. He eventually let me out of there on one condition - that I left Stockholm and went back to my parent's house. I agreed. So I quickly called my girlfriend to break up with her, and told her I had to work on myself. So I came back to my hometown where my dad picked me up. I've never felt such an empty, hopeless feeling ever in my life. But I had to choose between death(ening) anxiety and depression, so I chose depression. I admited to my parents I had a serious alcohol problem. I didn't tell them about the other drugs though, until he found all my benzo pills in my jacket. It didn't stop me, cus' me and my gf got in contact again and the anxiety of not knowing where she stands kicked in, so I started drinking heavily WHILE taking benzos. I ended up in drunk cells, I got picked up by my parents when I had randomly disappeared high as a kite. I went into the emergency like 5 times from nov. 2022 to april 2023. I finally got my hands on anti depressants, and they worked, but it didn't stop my addiction. I started having random seizures. Lol, the first one I got I remember was March 2023, at a new job, the first day! By that time, my girlfriend had come to visit me and we started dating more seriously. But I don't remember much from that time dec. 2022 - april 2023, because I was mostly drunk or high. My parents were in shock, and the pain I caused them was fucking horrible. I started stealing jewleries from my mom so I could sell them to buy drugs. Me and my gf. were gonna travel to Amsterdam, but apparently I got kicked out of the plane cus' I started fighting the crew. That entire weekend is just a blackout for me. I have no idea what happened, but I do remember arriving at my parents house a few days later saying "Oh it was a wooonderful trip!". My gf. broke up with me over and over again because of the way I was behaving and treating her. Really awful stuff I can't get into here. My final grand seizure almost killed me, but luckily my father saved me with CPR. I am now diagnosed with epilepsy and have to take medications for it. After this, I was at my absolute rock bottom. My girlfriend had left me, I was on the brink of losing my friends because they had noticed my addiction. I didn't have my own apartment anymore either because I was in no shape to work. However, it was the first time in my life I truly felt disconnected from my identity. And in a way it was the most beautiful, grand relief ever. I had totally destroyed my reputation, my honor, my self-image and trust from others - my ego. I had nothing now. So I was free. After all of that, my parents surrounded me in every way to help me get out of addiction. I've been clean for 1,5 years now. I started working more on myself, really investigating the tangled core of my problem - and I believe it was just an identity crisis. I now have a great place up in Stockholm, I work as a counselor at a school, I have stable finances and I am cogruent with who I think I am, and who I really am. Sprituality-wise, I experience daily gratitude, I don't have any obsessive thoughts, no bad impulses, no constant judgements and self-doubts, but the best thing is that I feel a radical acceptance with everything happening. Life hasn't been that easy since getting sober even if I started becoming a good person. I still experienced some hardships, but I haven't suffered from it. It's like there is a disconnect between my "sense of self" and the actuality of things. It's like I'm just watching my life as a movie, and I'm just moving along for the ride. I guess I had to die, to be reborn. Stay conscious, stay humble. The road is never straight. Thanks for reading! PS: I'm writing my third book now, The Humble Duck. Kehehe

I hear you, man, but I need you to listen to me straight-up. You've been hit hard, and the frustration and despair are real—I get it. But this situation isn't the end, no matter how much it feels like it right now. The fact is, you've faced a massive wall, and you're crushed because you care. You had a vision for your life, and right now it seems like it’s fallen apart. But let’s get something straight: this isn’t about your intelligence or your worth. You’ve been knocked down by some setbacks—calculus didn’t click, maybe you’ve got a mental block with calculations. That sucks, but it doesn’t define you. It's a problem to be solved, not a verdict on your future. Suicide? No. Absolutely not. That's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and you'd be cutting off the possibility of figuring this out. Maybe physics isn't where your talents lie, maybe it is, but one class isn't the measure of your potential. The rope? Throw it out. There are people who want to help, even if it feels like you’re all alone. You need to reach out to a counselor, talk to someone about this crushing weight you’re feeling, because it’s lying to you. And let’s talk about sociology. Yeah, it’s not as glamorous as physics in terms of earning potential, but it’s not worthless. It’s another path, and if you're passionate about it, you can carve a niche where you’ll thrive. Passion plus hustle beats anything. And even if sociology isn't where you land long-term, it’s not the end. Your degree doesn’t define your entire future either. - I have a bachelors in sociology and I'm happy with it. But still I knew the job opportunities were limited, so I stacked on with other courses like psychology, neuropsychology, pedagogy and other stuff that I could tie into my life purpose. And now after a long route I finally have a really great job that I love, within the field I want to work in. So its not hopeless!! Here’s the real talk: You’ve hit a setback. A big one. But it’s not game over. You’re still breathing, which means you still have options. You have to dig deep, get the support you need, and live to fight another day. This world needs you in it, whether you see it right now or not.

Atomic Habits and ofc Think and grow rich. It holds the simplest key to success