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About at_anchor

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  1. Okay. I don't believe in God. I believe there is enlightenment, but there is no God. There are just animals and aliens. I also have a strong opinion that the universe is a dangerous, sometimes very unfair and cruel place. For me death is sometimes desirable, other times it is really scary, the pain of dying and living or the pain of maybe even reincarnation. I don't actually believe in reincarnation. It is hard to believe in it when the fact is that my body and brain will never again exist which makes it impossible for me to exist. I never existed prior to my birth and even then I don't really remember that much. I don't identify myself as God, creator of reality or whatever. For me Consciousness is a form of power that moves everything in existence. Everyone is predetermined and consciousness is not even aware, but it thinks it is. It's just some form of power that moves dreams and people in it. Or consciousness is the dream matter itself, incomprehensible, mystical and magical like the sea. For me being reborn in a worse reality than this is scary, but why? Why does the universe have to be so fucking evil? Made my life the way it is and is gonna make another one even worse? Why not believe in the possibility of getting reincarnated in a better reality? My wishes never even became reality so maybe it is just possible to let reality do whatever it wants without me in it. I don't want to be forced to stay in hell for no good reason. Lastly, I feel abandoned, poor, ashamed, unacceptable, stupid.
  2. Because I can't. Neither would my country allow that, nor the other one. Trully too late for that now.
  3. How to deal with some weird feelings of shame for basically publishing pics of your body on some dating app and getting kind of harrassed for it, laughed at. Also, feelings of just being poor and feelings of wanting to disappear, but not quite making that decision because you feel some kind of injustice or jealousy or whatever
  4. 3 things that I like that are happening in my experience: Having the freedom to commit suicide. Having the "privilege" of not being locked up and drugged. Having a good nights sleep. 3 things that I am imagining doing right now that I would like to experience: Getting power. Ordering their removal. Sailing around the Medditereanean sea with a boat full of oats and $499,000 dollars on my bank account.
  5. I think no one I know and trust can do that.
  6. Can you live in a cold place and shower with cold water? Is that doable and survivable? How can you do it without using any fire or electrical heating at all?
  7. Outsmarting a group of smart, well off people by myself is gonna be futile. But doing my best to survive and stay out of imprisonment and out of absolute control by them, although I'm pretty much in their hands all the way.
  8. Opportunities for that are gone or taken away. You can't have a good job with a bad reputation carried to others by your enemies and if you're literally dependent on them for survival.
  9. Sorry, I researched a bit. You're good. Yes, they are hard, almost impossible. Of course! Okay, so... I'll explain.
  10. No I cannot. Who are you anyway and how can I know I can trust you? There are bad guys like them working with them and then there are good guys working for them. How do i k Yawn so I can tell you. This question is incorrectly assuming I can't travel anywhere. There are certainly answers to these questions, but I refuse to give them to you out of fear of more gaslighting and humiliation.
  11. 3 things that I like that are happening in my experience: My body and brain existing, making me unique and who I am. "His" beautiful body, face and mind existing, rising a desire in me for connection and bare touch. Intellectual stimulation and little improvements in my understanding today caused by forum members here. The kind of interaction I have with you on this forum is something that I like happening in my direct experience. 3 things that I am imagining doing right now that I would like to experience: Sex worth dying for. Detoxing and finding ways of healing (trauma or whatever) for the improved mental and physical performance. Living a life without so much financial constraints amd limitations. OMG I thought you told me to do this challenge once every week. Fucking sorry!!! Jesus Christ, this was such a big mistake in interpretation. I hope I can continue. This doesn't count. I missed just 3 days. Anyway, the report you wanted me to write: the challenge is not really making me any more hopeful about the future at all. It is fun and it puts things into perspective, it makes them clearer. If I started it earlier in life it would have been amazing. Right now I don't have the hope I need, the opportunities are stripped away so I have no way of succeeding, being happy, doing the things I love like outdoor activities, travel, meeting new people, sex, driving a car, talking with everyone, being entertaining and fun to be around, having a worry free life without psychopaths targeting me, etc. It's just not practical anyway. It's not solving the security issues I'm facing. But I recommend others, just not if you're gonna say "Oh, I like the big Mac, oh I like the ice cream, oh I like" the thought of, idk, "I'd like to experience shooting someone", although I'm not sure. If you want to shoot one of my oppressors and abusers I'd say "You go girl!", "Take em down boys, take em down!", "Yeah baby, tear them limb from lemb!", "Oh no, don't just shoot them. They don't deserve that privilege! Lock em up in insane asylums and drug em to death for years! Do everything they wanted to do to me and actually did to me."
  12. what is the soul and what happens to it after death ?
  13. I'll just have to gather stuff from Quora
  14. Well yeah, it's easier for him to cope with his handicap in America, with all that support, love and a bit of wealth around him. I can show you videos of non handicapped, beautiful people with circumstances that make it unbearable. Sometimes even wealthy people fall into life traps that make them suicidal and ultimately commit suicide. Congradulations to the little man going through this kind of a life. I'd support him as well if I could. Idk what I want to say. I mean, are you recommending I find a black boyfriend, hahah I mean, yeah, that would be great. Asian, black, I love em all.
  15. Why doesn't anyone want to talk about this, yet they talk about it in societies all around the world?