at_anchor

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About at_anchor

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  1. Culture is closely interwined with language and if you can't communicate with people there, then what's the point? Except if you don't get a personal translator... not a translating app! Good analogy. Anyway,I don't want to go anywhere either. If you asked me, I'd stay in my birth city forever if things were better for me. But China and most other places in the world I would gladly travel to if I had more money. Again, the priblem is: why travel there just to see a culture? Ou can do that online, type in "Tour of Beijing" or something like that and there you go... You can also google puctures and stuff. The only problem is not being able to experience the landscape... But travel for food? I'd rather stick to their grocery stores than restaurants.
  2. We all want to travel to China for example where 99% of people don't speak English. But if we're not gonna learn Chinese, why would we travel there? Is not wanting to learn a language of a certain country enough to decide to not go there at all?
  3. https://www.wofs.com/kua-number-calculator/ I used this calculator to help me figure out my lucky directions, but they are the opposite of what Chinese Zodiac says that my lucky directions are. But the bigger problem is that I cannot figure out where exactly North, South, Southeast, Northwest are. From a relative sense, I am both North, South, Southeast, Southwest, West and East. So how do I figure out the best place to live based on these directions that are so abstract? It says that for me HEALTH is somewhere west.
  4. Give all the reasons why never to buy sex in life? I think that it is exploitation of power/money first of all.
  5. Why can't I fight back? Why do I have to allow maltreatment of myself, hard core humiliations and provocations and manipulations? I guess because I really am a poor and pathetic idiot, a loser.
  6. Knows that I type stuff online.
  7. Starts attacking me at the door and open bathroom so everyone can hear, saying again how this other person goes every day to find work and I neither study nor work, but just sit at home and maltreat my grandfathers child.
  8. Tells me that I am the only degenerate in the family, that my grandfather would suffocate me, then repeats that and says that he would suffocate me legally/with court.
  9. Calling me "Idiot" loudly and saying bad things makes it seem like I was provocking, but far from the truth. People around will think I was provoking, others will know I wasn't and won't care, and yet many others will never even find out. So it is true, doesn't love me a single bit. Everything done for me is out of a selfish desire. But it is hard even for me to believe this. It feels a bit painful inside, my mind starts closing and doubting and second guessing and justifying the person being tired. But the person I suspect does not want me any good in life. How do I know when I get fruit sometimes?
  10. Back home repeatedly calls me "Idiot" in a loud and abusive tone of voice, tells me that I have nothing to do with my grandfather after I said that he gave that room to this person who then gave it to this other person now, cause I was told to get out of the space we should be sharing. Obviously badmouthed me at work. Tells me that my grandfather would crush me with his legs and teach me order. Who is this person talking about? This person obviously wants to crush me trample me. The other person today also dared me and did something that I explicitaly said not to do. But I guess that it is okay. This too shall pass, however long it ends up lasting. Maybe it will be worse than this, cause life kind of gets worse, but you also kind of slowly get stronher and able to tolerate more and more pain. One day I might end up getting used to extreme forms of pain that might be inflicted on me. Right now I feel calmer which can be sensed in my writing. I'm looking forward to meditating.
  11. Just found something I ca use in the freezer, but that doesn't mean that everything I judgmentally concluded is wrong.
  12. I feel I made a mistake. I'm not ready to write like this. It just brings unwanted attention and prejudice because I didn't write from the start all the time. Maybe I should just let go and allow it to be howewer it is in your eyes... I wish I could let it be even though it may come with consequences when I give too much info that can be traced back to me and read and interpreted wrongly by people that are gonna interact with me in real life.
  13. Hazelnuts baked not in any oil, but probably hydrogentated soy oil. Why else would it say that it may contain soy if not because they used soy oil?
  14. If I knew earlier that it is so crucial to extracate myself from these people that were the cause of everything bad in my life, I'd ask myself the question earlier: "How do I get out of here?", and then have better answers and opportunities than I do now. But ignorance can't help itself. Once I realized some things, it became too late to do anything about them.
  15. How nice? Left me a bunch of unhealthy cakes in all shapes and forms without anything else that's healthy. I wish i didn't give up on hazelnuts last night because they were baked probably with oil and contain gluten. So what would you choose if you were kind of hungry, hunger or cake after which you have really bad symptoms for days in a body filled with all kinds of unhealthy elements? They know that it makes you fat and age faster which is why they want me to eat it. And of course, they know you can't get anything without them anymore. That's how dependent they made sure you are on them. That's why you always have to let go and forget the injustices and treat them as if nothing happened, as if they didn't do anything to harm you. Oh, last night I wish I could remember the words, the long duration and the exact number of decibels used to shock me and harm me emotionally. Yet, I can't remember anything but how it made me feel and even that I discount because what can I do?