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@zunnyman Exactly! I was surprised as well that Leo would suggest that, trying psychedellics is one of the things which I am most interested in, but also one of the things I fear the most. I havent tried Yoga yet but Leo's recommended book is shipping to me atm so I will probably start in the next few weeks. Is the type of Yoga you recommended in it? I feel like meditation and presence can provide you with so much bliss and so many beautiful moments, but the bad ones make me reconsider it. Although, in the end, I tend to think that the suffering that comes along with having a strong ego (or any ego at all) outweighs any potential difficulties I might have in my spiritual journey. I guess, what I mean is, do I really have a choice? I could not live with myself knowing that there is an ultimate spiritual truth out there to be found by embarking on a lifelong journey, and that I am hesitating to follow it. I just couldnt.

@emind Oh man, I feel every word you said. I just had a mini depersonalization episode just now after I thought the worst was over months ago. I know Leo is saying to do psychedelics but honestly, if meditation scares me I don’t know how I would do psychedelics. My current game plan is just doing meditation, experiencing those bliss moments, and other stuff, and when I feel the depersonalization coming, I just run from it again and again. I don’t know whats to come in the near or late future though. I feel pretty demotivated too on this path, because this shit can fuck with you. My next hope is to look into sadhguru’s programs as he says they give a very solid foundation for enlightenment work. Currently, Upa yoga is helping with immediate healing if you want to try that. I have a feeling, not sure, but doing strong practices (like paying attention to the breath or mindfulness meditation with labeling) can be too much for the ego sometimes

When I read threads here I see a few members that are truly great, they seem to know everything and have an aura of enlightenment about them. However, it still feels like they are refusing to make the very last step to finally become fully enlightened, like they hold something back. Like they are 99% enlightened and not aim any higher that that. At very rare occasions though, I see members who are all in so to speak, 100% , I often notice when facing those posts already after reading the first sentence. I can't nail what's special about them, they just are. They just feel so incredible transparent, honest and full of integrity. I feel their words digs in to my body and deliver silence and truth. What I notice about these posters is that they are not interesting in socialising or sharing ideas back and forth, they often just post one single post and that's it, then they are gone for good. In a way, all of those "One post wonder"- members had a dark picture of life. But it didn't felt dark at all reading them, rather it felt liberating to read them. A few of them decided to commit suicide, others have chosen to stay but they know there is nothing to gain in doing so. They just let the lucid dream continue, but for no reason really. The reason why I don't feel sad reading those dark posts is because I recognise how they desire REAL enlightenment in a way. And if you want REAL enlightenment, you can't really desire any aspect of worldly life, not even "enlightenment" within a body mind, and that explain the dark nature of their posts(which paradoxically aren't dark at all). They were not satisfied to reach a point were they saw through duality. They wanted more(same as less), they were not satisfied with a lucid dream within an agent lost in maya, they wanted FULL awakening. And think about it, first you don't recognise reality as a dream, you believe it is real, then you recognise it's nothing but a dream(maya). You're having a lucid dream by now, but that's not really to be fully awake. If you have a dream at night, and start realising you're in the middle of a dream, you might find it fascinating to be in a lucid dream for a while, but after that initial bliss and freedom of realising you're in a lucid dream, don't you want to quit the game all together, folding up to ten and become fully awake? I can't see how you can stay within a body mind and be fully enlightened, even if you don't identify at all with the body mind that carries you around. Can you? Also, at my most blissful in moments in life, when I really enjoy life the most, thoughts like "Nothing could be better then to be physical dead" have come to my mind. Those thoughts only come when I really experience great happiness in life, I think that is because the supreme creator know that I can handle the truth at that time. Those kind of thoughts never come me, when life isn't that good, then I think of a new car, a new carrier, a new girlfriend or anything other superficial. Elaborate.

I have had periods in which Ive been really deep into meditation and self inquiry, and have experienced partial moments of bliss (not anywhere close to enlightenment). But I have also had two depersonalization episodes, which were horrendous to say the least. Lately Ive been a little lazy with my spiritual work, and while asking myself why I had been lagging so much, I realized that it is sheer fearfulness. After experiencing a dark form of quasi-enlightenment (depersonalization episode) or whatever you want to call it, and feeling an emptiness in which nothing could ground me, and coming back from that experience (thankfully), the thing I was most grateful for was the fact that I had an ego with which I could navigate the world. I am literally clinging to my ego with all my strength, because the experience I had when losing it (or almost losing it) was absolute hell. Now with that said, there is another side of me that does crave the pursuit of true spiritual liberation, something very unlike the dark episodes I went through. I do want to start Yoga and restart meditation and self inquiry. How should I proceed with this?

Freedom from suffering, and discovering unbroken peace and bliss and the secrets of the universe. What else do you want?

@pluto Thank you!! It really came out of nowhere, and I felt a deep resonance with it, like It described everything I want to express, be and share I hope you are doing well too, I've been finding lots of joy in my breathe, and starting to do more exercise much more (yoga, stretching, hiking). Lots of love and light, oneness and bliss your way brother.

For the last two weeks, I bumped up the time of my practice from 60 mins to 90 mins. And the results of this practice have been pouring in ever since. I am unraveling my shadow aspects like I have never done before in my life. Many things that just 1 month ago would scare me and make me anxious, today I am laughing about them. Many of my long-held concepts that I’ve had about life have fallen away. It’s like the tight knot of my life is opening itself. The level of peace and bliss that I enjoy in my life is simply unbelievable. At this rate, I think that I can purify my mind in just the coming year. Then my journey to become a sage will be over. The Work is working!

Hello! This is going to be a very drug oriented post. Psychedelics are highly regarded as being capable of being tools for personal development and getting introduced into nonduality. My first experience of the nondual paradigm was on 1mg of LSD. An absurdly high dose. I was basically on the floor most of the time but during my come down it was pure bliss in which it clicked like a lightbulb that everything is one. I didn't know why. I just knew. It took such a high dose I think because I've grown up as a highly logical and connected person to my perceived reality. Although I don't know if autism has any role in that as I was told that I am a high functioning autistic when I was young, No idea if I was diagnosed. I also expressed many attributed behaviors as a child to this. But I digress. I stumbled upon DXM in OTC cough medicine soon after graduating high school and the idea of a dissociative intrigued me so I began to experiment. I ended up going into 3rd and 4th plateau territory in which you can perceive landscapes in darkness, tons of shapes and images. I remember visually seeing time come to a halt and seeing what I perceived as God. If you decide to experiment yourself after seeing this post, beware that high amounts of dissociation can be scary if you don't know how to handle it. Its also very habit forming. I had a bit of a problem for a little bit, but fortunately wasn't very hard for me to correct. Always do research! To the meat of the story: this one instance I decided to combine DXM with LSD. 300mg of DXM and about an hour in I took 500ug of LSD. I was also in a call with a friend for this. and OH BOY was it a ride. Its a very hard experience to recall. The first thing that happened was my mind went to heavily focus on the electrical sounds of my computer. Almost like I was tuning into it. It was then I knew I was in for a ride. Visuals and colors were cycling on everything I saw, the colors blended like a smooth gradient, the visuals like the tracers were SO intense that I felt like I could create my own reality as if my hand was a paintbrush. I remember perceiving the universe being built up from its most fundamental form up. It was as if LSD made me hyperfocused on my perceived reality but DXM was the key I needed to take my mind out enough to really let the LSD lead my mind. I remember talking to my friend about reality once I was able to get myself together to talk and I was in awe at the sheer infinite scale of reality and I just started laughing and said "IT JUST WORKS" A full near 8 hours stuck to my bed and my mind like pushed me off a cliff straight into nonduality at hyperspeed. It was this trip that meditation made perfect sense to me and I questioned why I was even confused by it. It was realization after realization. It shattered what I had thought before and I spent a long time after it just trying to fathom the knowledge I had received. This trip was also when I was shown Leo's video "The magnitude of reality" and was introduced to Actualized. This sole trip was what caused my entire paradigm shift unexpectedly when I kept doing LSD before to try and understand what all these guys on these psychedelic forums were talking about. Now it all made sense. So this has made me question. We see so much about psychedelics for nonduality purposes, but can dissociatives be a tool for such too? Has anyone had any profound experiences due to dissociatives? Maybe I just found the drug combination that worked for me? But still it blows my mind to see just adding a low dose of DXM what it can do for me that high doses of lsd was nowhere near close to doing. (I have no experience of 5-meo but DMT will be soon )

I haven't read McKenna's book, but "mystical union" usually refers to a stage of enlightenment after Cosmic Consciousness. It's an intermediate stage of non-dual awakening, marked by devotion to a sacred object (e.g. Jesus, God, Buddha, etc.) and the experience of all as bliss. It is not the Absolute. Mystical union is union, i.e. 2 ("you" and "God.") There is still a subtle duality due to the I-thought arising. The Absolute is identity, i.e. 1. There is only The Self.

From "I am That" by Nisargadata Maharaj. "Q: Sir, I am an humble seeker, wandering from Guru to Guru in search of release. My mind is sick, burning with desire, frozen with fear. My days flit by, red with pain, grey with boredom. My age is advancing, my health decaying, my future dark and frightening. At this rate I shall live in sorrow and die in despair. Is there any hope for me? Or have I come too late? M: Nothing is wrong with you, but the ideas you have of yourself are altogether wrong. It is not you who desires, fears and suffers, it is the person built on the foundation of your body by circumstances and influences. You are not that person. This must be clearly established in your mind and never lost sight of. Normally, it needs a prolonged sadhana, years of austerities and meditation. Q: My mind is weak and vacillating. I have neither the strength nor the tenacity for sadhana. My case, is hopeless. M: In a way yours is a most hopeful case. There is an alternative to sadhana, which is trust. If you cannot have the conviction born from fruitful search, then take advantage of my discovery, which I am so eager to share with you. I can see with the utmost clarity that you have never been, nor are, nor will be estranged from realty, that you are the fullness of perfection here and now and that nothing can deprive you of your heritage, of what you are. You are in no way different from me, only you do not know it. You do not know what you are and therefore you imagine your self to be what you are not. Hence desires and fear and overwhelming despair. And meaningless activity in order to escape. Just trust me and live by trusting me. I shall not mislead you. You are the Supreme Reality beyond the world and its creator, beyond consciousness and its witness, beyond all assertions and denials. Remember it, think of it, act on it. Abandon all sense of separation, see yourself in all and act accordingly. With action bliss will come and, with bliss, conviction. (...)Just catch hold of what I told you and live by it." There is so much to say about this movement of "doing" and thousands of hours of meditation. It's called Spiritual Materialism. 10,000 hours of meditation may work, and it may not. If you believe you have free will, use it however you like. I know for a fact that I can't become what I already am through effort, and I'm at peace with that. When I meditate, it comes naturally, and is never forced. If I dont feel like it, I never fight myself. It just works for me and I get results through daily awareness and faith. I still meditate and self inquire, but it isnt necessary to force it. The interest WILL arise and get stronger. That is when meditation is serving your highest self. God speed my friend, may you awaken NOW. May you find God NOW.

I'd recommend you to not snort it, but to put it into a capsule and ingest it orally. much smoother and lasts longer - and won't irritate your nasal cavity I've had a wonderful experience with it. it was like actual therapy for me. it helped me talking about some very dark stuff which was still spooking around in my subconscious. I was able to talk about it freely, in order to let it go once for all. for me it was just pure bliss. my mind got so silent that I was able to really, like really connect with my body and specially with my emotions. the silence of the mind enabled me to become aware of the perfection of each moment - for the first time. I seem to be more in touch with my emotions since then. if used correctly, I think it can be very powerful and healing I wish you a wonderful experience

Only thing I would argue is that you are OWED happiness. By whom? By reality? Reality doesn't owe you anything. Often-times, when we grow and develop, it's by following our 'blisters' rather than following our bliss. Pain will teach you valuable lessons that joy doesn't know about. As a living being, you will receive results based on your choices and the efforts that you make. Life doesn't owe you happiness any more than it owes you anger or sadness or glory. These are all things produced by your conscious efforts. Life WILL reward you with happiness if you do the 'right' things, but it will not just award it to you if you are, for example, massively egoic, insecure, and apathetic. No - step up and you'll get what you have tried to receive. But you are not entitled to any more than you have chosen and deserved. Extra note: and sometimes you'll get hit with things you don't deserve! It's a messy game out there.

Today I finally woke up feeling better after sleeping again another 16 hours for the third day in a row. I've sort of transitioned from a victim, apathy mindset to a tad bit of anger and ready to hit back in life. I'm planning on hitting my workload hard tomorrow and push through it. It's not as if I could just ignore it all and allow everything to start falling. I've accepted the fact that I must work hard But I did seriously consider quitting it all and becoming some cocktail server or something lol at least then it'd be stress-free, it'd be easy and I'd have more creative energy and drive for what matters more which is my life purpose. But I've decided I rather work hard in my career perhaps it'd allow me to be more influential in serving my life purpose because let's be honest most people at first see money and success and then maybe they'd listen to what I have to say and perhaps it'll lend me the respect to close deals and get things done faster. I clearly see how unuseful it is for me to think negatively towards decisions I've made. It's wasted energy that doesn't help with my productivity. If I push hard these next few months to meet all my deadlines and be ruthless with it, I know I'll feel proud and accomplished and then on to my next bliss project it is. I want to see how successful I can complete my first life purpose project and if it is indeed franchisable. It's one of those things I've had in the back of my mind that I just need to accomplish to see what is next. It's almost as if in this case, this specific journey -I'm driving at night and all I can see is in front of me if I keep it moving until the daylight comes. My morning routine: I've gotten off track with it and that's bleeding throughout other parts of my life. I feel like when I wake up I used the logic that I had way too much work to do that I needed to make that a priority instead of those important habits: working out, meditating and reading. I've also done the same with my life purpose work I've put it on the back burner with these other false urgent things that honestly mostly just mean $ to me -probably fueled by my fear of insecurity. Money gives me a sense of security and I love treating myself. I also have a belief it's hard to make which is counterproductive because I find myself distracted and if only I would just focus for a good 5-6 hours a day, I'd get so much more done. Every time I have started getting back into my routine I've felt the strongest and happiest but when falling off it's just the opposite - there's a sense of loss of hope and frustration. My priorities have been re-arranged. My fear of not making enough money is just that-a fear. I need to put what's more important ahead of that. I'm sure it'll pay off. There also this "I want to be fucking free from working" thing going on. As if -living my life purpose and making it my source of income isn't the most freeing and fulfilling way.

Don't take on more than you can serve, how will worrying help anyone? What is your problem? Be only focused on that. Are you not always afraid of stillness, hiding that by constantly making up conceptual mind problems, like the people you are complaining about? Also, it's not bliss vs pain, it's pleasure vs. pain, and bliss is the liberation from the idea you need to get pleasure and avoid pain. Babies are not perpetually unhappy, animals aren't, children aren't, masters aren't, just stupid indoctrinated humans are, and because of their stubborn misguided use of imagination.

suffering is real do not hold a belief that suffering will lead to bliss if you believe you need to travel a hundred miles to get to heaven, you will be travelling a hundred miles to heaven, every moment again and again, for infinity, your beliefs form the present moment believe in bliss, absolute bliss with no requisites, no bridge, no way, no journey, just being here where you want to be when faced with the suffering of others it is important to know that suffering has no cause in reality it is an expression of energy which expresses itself through the canvas of physical reality there is no reason tor suffering there is no reason for happiness, happiness is our true nature when you someone suffering, believe in their happiness, believe in the reality where they are happy your imagination, your belief, your intent for happiness for this person is true universal energy which help that person structure their reality on an atomic level, to create that reality which matches our true happy nature you needn't even to speak to someone,you don't even have to comfort them, you don't have to give platitudes, you can if you want to, but it is not required, there is not a single physical action that will adress the true cause it is all about belief, your belief in the happiness of your loved ones is what truly shapes reality, from its very origine, from outside and inside, what you believe and intent, look at that reality where your loved ones are happy look with your belief and intention

Let's say that all you see in the world is the suffering of others (all beings), you are HIGHLY empathetic and you see that this suffering is never ending and probably will only get worse, especially close beloved beings like your mother or son, you see AND feel (empaths) what they feel and with it all their suffering and insecurities and you try everything but just seems inevitable that they will not hear you and keep doing what they are doing that is dragging them slowly and steadily into a hellish life until their death. Their happiness is yours and also their suffering that happens to be the 90%. How do you deal with this fact without closing the heart? Do i need to experience enlightenment to see that it "is all perfect"? I understand that it is all an illusion and that you need "suffering" to have "bliss" but i don't feel it and neither the unaware people feel like it is an illusion, they are really suffering and you feel all of it. I find it really hard to cope with it. Makes me isolate myself in order to escape feeling others since it so overwhelming. Especially because i am getting more and more sensitive to energies each day and feel them intensely.

@CortexIt’s okay; you are not limited by your human body. It gives you a shape and form for you to create in! God desires you to exist. Which means you decided it. And he also wanted you to be confused just as you are right now, because he wanted to know what confusion felt like. So you’re doing everything perfectly, you can’t get it wrong. I have seen lots of your posts recently and it tells me that you are on the start of this journey of growing into realizing yourself as God, and that maybe you’re a little lost. Start with finding the most loving teachers you can possibly find that fill you with hope, joy and bliss! That will help you so much. For example, I have always loved Matt Kahn for being able to speak about love from a gentle, and wholistic, and nurturing perspective; a friend on here loves the teacher Bashar. Find the one you love and go from there; the one that just makes you feel good and relaxed okay. Good! Best wishes, and remember we all have to be lost in order to be found? @Colin Or is it a stroke of genius? ?

A short and powerful inspiration has come to me that may help you, let’s get into it! As you all know I have a heart-centered practice which I found at the start of this year after a year and a half of searching for the fastest, and most relaxing, joyous and exciting path towards enlightenment There is one caveat to this practice or warning I would like to share. I’ve noticed in me that when I feel the beginnings of love in myself I stop focusing on the air in my chest cavity. But then I feel sadness again in my heart and so I give it attention again as I would a small child, caressing the child, adoring it’s presence, and thanking it for giving me life. It’s a cycle. And yet the secret is to continue giving the heart attention well after emotional and mental health has returned, well after you’ve felt peace, bliss and oneness. I mean forever. Or we can focus on the head forever. Just like it’s natural for us to focus on the head, so too will it be for the heart; this means we can relax and really enjoy this process of self-transformation into our greater unlimited selves. We can always relax, and surrender even deeper when we know everything is perfect, and no matter what you do, you’ll always be just where you were meant to be. Everything is love, and you are this love; and the heart knows this deeply, that’s why we are doing this. Because the heart knows only the Truth of this universe; the love that exists everywhere. Your mind will resist this by creating truly awe-inspiring stories of fear, and will even bring up past memories you thought you had overcome years ago ? I saw this today so clearly as I surrendered as the awareness, watching the mind whirl away on the past. This made me rededicate myself to my heart because I understand that no amount of knowledge can convince my mind to surrender. Only I can; only the God within me. Love is the only answer; it’s the only answer your mind will silence and surrender to. Love is always here, and it is very asseccible. It is flowing through your veins, it is the beat in your heart, and it’s all around you. You can’t escape it, you can’t hide from God as God. Let this really relax your nervous system, and allow you to embrace this moment like never before; that love is always always here for you. May we all love heart-centered within each moment and inspired to create whatever makes us jump with excitement.

life feels so much more vivid, I can't believe. it's almost too good to be true. I know this feeling, I've had it during some awakening experiences on trips too - the feeling of OMG this is just too good to be true. can this really be? do I deserve this? I think this is still holding me back a bit - the part with do I deserve this much bliss and beauty? oh, yeah, I do. life is beautiful, existence is magical. and I deserve to be loved and to be blissful and in awe like I've always been as a child. I want to walk the path of self love more. enough with this mentality of 'you have to work hard to deserve something' or 'you have to earn your happiness' I've grown up with this, passed down from generations. and whilst it was all well meant, what did it bring me? self hate and low self-worth the love of the universe is endless - and free. everyone serves infinite amounts of love, me too <3

the shift is only in the mind, I worked like "hell" 14 hours a day on multiple stimulant/ ( weed, ritalin, thea ) after taking 4 step back with some psyche, I understand now why I couldn't start my business, even if my skill is "high" now. this makes me realise that I dig so much that I wasn't seeing the light anymore ( kind of the idea ) ( too much work ) ( I m on computer ) ) I wasn't focus that much on monney, but in my case, this is a bit of a problem aswell. There is tons of "work" to do, on many aspect, not only the thing you want to buss Some musician around me, are so much into monney, that their music has no soul, they just push and push on people or create value in their social relationship to them, they are little guru. reality is : there is almost no shortcut in "making it" in fact the road is all there is ( you'll see.. ) it's knowledge, self reflection, and work on taking the good road for yourself. But dreaming is one thing, you should act the music inside you. that's exactly like leo told, there is no "recipe" to success ( what is success anyway ) do you reflect that you really want to be rich ? what's for ? fuck hookers and then end your life because you never had this fulfilling meaning inside you, you should create a powerful meaning for your entire life, it's better than monney ( I m not sayin monney is bad or good, it depend a lot, like many things ) Monney can bliss you, or she can makes you miserable. Do not start like me to feel ( like I was 2 years ago ) that you're in a bad position because you're not where you want to be. ( this is a mindtrap to "anxiety" ) the mind take action, so take care of it. Why do you think "rich people" can still commit the worst for their life even if from our perspective they are rich, successful and then, should be happy. doesn't work like this.. it's a kid dream. I m not sayin becoming rich isn't a good goal. For instance, me as a creator, I want to be billionnaire. Not for fuck hookers all days or doing coke, but only to create something greater than myself for the whole community. But for being a part of this, I need to take the egocentrical road of my own business. To get the "trust" of people. the hard thing will be to sustain on the road, you'll see the hardest isn't the physical work at all, it's really more about the mind ( and of course you should work/effort ) learn, practice, self reflect, integrate knwoledge that align with your "life purpose". You should create something of value for you, and then share it with the world ( this is only my view, do as you want ) yes there is a recipe, the one you'll write for yourself. it's more easy to read it, than "get it" I m still in the process of getting it. As we will for ever. Even starting with a book as simple as Napoleon Hill could be a good thing when you don't know anything about "mindset business" this was just a part of my road, but I m not sayin this a great book, it depend where you are, and what you can "believe" right now.

@Preetom thanks Just to clarify, the practice I described in the first post is different to what occurred to Ramana not just because his was spontaneous but also because it is a technique rather than the act of the ego “dying” itself I tried the practice outlined in my post and it was the most blissful and quiet state I have been in. Ego was mixed in but every time I let go into “death” my body disappeared and all that was left was bliss and space. Not “infinite” as thoughts were still constricting somewhat between the silence but still It was the deepest Jhana (from the descriptions of jhana that I have read. I also was not seeking jhana, it was a side effect of the letting go to death) state I have experienced. I felt like if I sat there all night I could just keep releasing everything and everything would disappear eventually I will keep going with this meditation Would love to hear from others if this works well for them too

Place your skeleton body in a comfortable position Prepare to DIE Tell yourself you are dying and that there is nothing more to worry about or care about There is no pain in death, just peace Accept your death as a release of all the anxiety and bad things that may be plaguing you Feel the peace of letting go to death. Feel the lack of peace of letting go in death feel the anxiety release as you let go into death. Feel the anxiety rise again as you die. Watch the cycle of rising and falling. Let it die with you Accept all the thoughts in your head but realise that they are useless to you now that you are dying Feel the tension leave your body as you surrender. Feel it melt into nothingness as you leave it all behind. If tension returns accept it and realise the futility of it as you die and it dies with you Do not resist any thoughts or sensations. Do not resist any resistance to the same. Do not resist resisting resistance. Just let it exist without judgment. Let it die to when it is ready. Everything dies whether you will it or not. Let it happen Your body might feel like it is melting or disappearing. No problem if it does or doesn’t. Let it die either way Whatever arises, let it melt into death when it is reqdy to do so You may or may not feel bliss arising. Either way just let it melt away There is no point There is no destination or path there is no permanent enlightened person, just a a bag of bones on the floor melting away Just keep doing this for however long you want. It doesnt matter. Just let it go. And if you can’t let go, don’t worry, let letting go go too Rinse and repeat forever

People use both of these terms very loosely "I" lol feel, some people say they are the same, some people say awakening is prior to enlightenment thoughts? Some other words used: Bliss. nirvana. liberated. kundalini.

hey there, I'll be very short. ( ) excuse my french minded english. ( with my lack of skill, as a learned it only by copying pattern, never listen at school ) This topic will be egoic ( thanks for reading ) Fan of music since child, I find my life purpose while listening on weed music at a friend home. ( my all 3 best friends are currently into electronic music making ) only wanted to be a electronic musician since 3 years ( soon 4 ) ( I worked like a slave those last years, on me and my multi projects ) I was a bit in PTSD ( from using LSD and contemplating that reality was not a thing ( this is what I ve seen in the void of my mind ) that nothing matter .. I didn't find any real god, I was deluded that I will understand something, but only met my intuition overpowered even more than usual ( could see imagery pop in my mind while drawing ) " adhd " ( for real, I do not even want to believe I m this kind of shit, cause I hate 98% of internet who pretend to be this shit ) they are sad to me to read. They all sound sorry to tell that, but kind of stupid. ( not their wrong, they have been very mindfucked to believe they are "sick" ) old kid addicted to video games since my 6 years ( pokemon ) to 20/21 years ( droped it when I did weed ) ( league of legend ) ( was used to be "introvert" and akwardly very social ) making real weirdo jokes ( kind of rick & morty before it exist ) I could makes jokes about china eating africans to save the entire world. I love shatter reality and perspective since a child ( wasn't aware of doing a thing like that ) was just funny and natural to me to be a leo. I m INTP ( but mixed ENTP ) ( I did the test 4 times on my life and had 3 times INTP / 1 time ENTP ) ( those are models, not real fact, but they sound very accurate to me, against all others ( that I read ) I do not believe in IQ as something related at pure intelligence, it is a bit of something maybe.. I have between 135 & 150 ( not in term of intelligence, in term of IQ of course ) I never used any drug until 20 ( only video games addiction, not because I was ugly or hated at school ( I hated school because it was borring to death ) I was mostly seen as a beautiful guy/nice, so no one bothered me because I had a nice face ( was on the border to be hated like a nerd though, but was mostly talking to everyone and trying to be openminded to every idea, besides the day or I shoot out that football was for fucking chimp ( exactly haha ) before leo was in my reality ) I was a bit weirdo, crazy, and in my "mind" , because everything ultimately..borring to death. ( and I was good at lonely sport one of the best for my heretic body ) I m a hard alone worker ( learn, music, art, etc.. ) very curious; watch various "scientific/biologic/psychologic" content. ( but only since 4 years, since my life goal is being a god tier at music ) ( I do music, video making, recording, music engineering, basic web language understanding ) my hands are a bit everywhere except on girls. used alcohol a lot the first 2 years I discovered ( but never did alone my entire life ) ( at 20 ) because it was fun and "legal". then at my end 20y, some of my friend who likes music and movies makes me try weed. I buy a package the week after I try it ( it was not in a "night" context, only an afternoon, by listening music while high, it was like WOAAAAAAAAAAAAA ) Never stop using it more than 3 days for the last 3/4 years. ( probably put all my back monney in it, because it made me work for the first time of my life ) first thing : like music in 4k when you are used to 480 and you already loved it... ho man I fell in love, music and weed, it's infinity at hand, it's bliss. everyday it's bliss. I know this is stupid to be addicted to something like this, but who isn't addicted to something in life ? most people are addicted to having sex or masturbate. ( I do not have those addiction at all, even porn isn't a problem at all, for instance, it has been 4 days without any kind of thing, it doesn't even miss me ) but WEED MAN I started making electronic music like 6 month after i started ( and very religiously ). ( I learned english full while being high, I was mostly the worst piece of shit of my school for my entire school grades ) I even tell that I dedicate my life to the god of music in a very serious manner haha, so I worked so hard, my mind and ear was bleeding, it was even stupid of my part. I m still very healthy though, only crippling anxiety as a life style. weed remove all anxiety from me, absolutely all. I try the drug ritalin, but it was mostly shit fake meth in pack, makes me work and idiots completely crazy robot, makes me learn something about mind. ( it was my intent, I never really believed this shit would help me, it was to cope with the price of weed ( I wanted to have something equivalent and not pay for it ) what a shame.. ( cause in my country drug, are 100% free when prescribed ) I wanted to know what society was about to give me to makes me a good worker. holy shit, should have remain ignorant, but still, makes me grow a lot in the end ( if not makes me loose a cell of brain of both ) but brain doesn't exist but like leo said, all my induction was fucked to death. ( idea that pop by link of emotional pattern resolution, something like ) you're so tweaked, that your mind stop have insight, it just "do". without thinking really about the "how". ( it's the extreme of who I m ) ok now : I m almost 25, never worked in a real job ( only with dad for 3 month ) will never do it again. ( my dad can be real harsh and seriously close minded, I helped a bit with this but still ) ( only worked on my project since I started.. weed . ), ( but my country gives you 500€/month at 25 years. if you do not have a work ( yes for doing nothing ) it's social security ) why I start to want to rule the world when I take a puff ? ( I mean this is how I feel ) most people are not resonating the same on weed as me. I worked with my dad in physical job, wanted to kill me almost every day, put violence on me ( I do not live with him, only with my mother ) ( I m less heavy than a average girl 54kg and my 171 cm ) can't do physical shit, cause I had suicidal contemplation while doing this, turn me into a fucking nihilist, telling people that their life will end being a fucking slavery jokes ( this kind of thinking ) this is when I m out of weed, I always be a cynical, and a sceptical blabla. When I started weed, all my bad, all my shit was turning ON ! ok end of story, could write on my context for long, but I think you grasb the problem. I m fucking addicted to death, I can now do weed/learning/music for all day while being high ( in fact I can't work without being high, it's completely chaos ) I do not have motivation, I m easily distracted by anything ( in my mind , not reality ) I mean if reality is borring my mind start to create story on things or self reflect endlessly ( my natural states ). I see pattern in everything, relate to every idea, I can't "work" properly, it's when I smoke, I m "happy" stop being a piece of shit talker ( stop being cynical : try to help everyone make it in everything ) I learned electronic music ( more than 8000 hours of work ( only on music ) and others 3000 of hours : studying, reading, personnal work, reading book about business, art, etc.. ) I m still not at the lvl of selling anything. but when I don't have weed, I m lazy, procrastinating, playing EVEN video games, that I put out of my life when I started weed. ( completely stop my old addiction ) started to work and read a lot on weed. I think I would never learn patience without weed. and still it's annoying. when my mind creates all this thought only to entertain me/nerves me. I mean I wasn't aware as a kid of trolling people, only to excite me, I was doing this without even hate on people, conventional talk wasn't exciting enough. All my new real friends are Raves/Dj/drug addict ( mostly weed ). now I have 3 month to live without weed, because of monney, only this.. my mind start to creates pattern to get weed, it's very serious, I don't know how to control me, I could just contemplate suicide or tired, my lazyness, darkside thinking, anxiety, apathy. ok then when this is not happening, I m just wanting to procrastinate and never work on my project or on anything. Ok I can still love music, but man, I can't do music. it's crippling after 15 min of making music, I'll start feeling bad for a random though poping in. I never had real motivation before weed, I m still virgin at almost 25 ( not really making me feel great or bad, but maybe it's a thing, I don't know ) , even if I did LSD ( alone with self contemplation ), mushroom, mdma ( but fuck that shit, in the end, it's a happy void ), and a lot of others shits. Weed is my fuel and I m a car, for real, I m just living on the parking when I m out of weed :'( Now I m out of monney, should find a work/create a business to pay more weed ( like I did ) or should I really stop, and how to STOP and still makes music and hang a bit with my friend when I start to be crazy because of living the introvertness ? I would kill for a real solution, and not a joking solution, my life is so shitty without weed, and only monney stop me from buying. Should I create a side business on the internet ? now my account is 8€ currently, I still have 10€ of weed, and I m reflecting if I should suck dick or keep my dignity ( I m kind of joking ) no economy, no drive licence ( cost 2000€ to not get it ), but full of knowledge ! .. Please guys, don't tell me to accept Jesus I already accepted him in me, he talks to me in my sleep, tell me to call my weed dealer immediatly and trap him to stole his weed

Well, what I mean is, if you have a desire to just share your most profound spiritual experience and how you got there in your unique spiritual path (ie. being the no-self and falling back into your ego with love/bliss), you can. You could describe it in a let's say a book or an app somewhere in a creative way. However, not many ppl will be able to relate. Maybe perhaps a small handful of ppl will be able to if you have a large target audience. If you wrote 5 popular books, maybe you could write it in one somewhere and see what happens. For those who are able to relate (and there won't be many, probably a small handful), they'll make comments somewhere, maybe in your blog/forum, and you could pick them out somehow to talk to them. That's what I mean.