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About winterknight

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  1. It's not very good, but it is more complete than Venkatesananda.
  2. Oh, and ha, given that my other thread is quoting from the Yoga Vasistha, it's funny that as I was reading it, I came across this quote: Nothing new under the sun.
  3. Another great passage, though this time from a translation that is not supposed to be great. But it's the only full English translation, whereas the Venkatesananda is abridged... this passage deals with how to live every moment... and it's a doozy:
  4. With the mind calm and relaxed and the Self discerned, the mind is immersed in a kind of immense larder, a huge treasury of fat -- a subterranean store of rich provision, satisfaction. It's like a borderless but breathable block of jello. You are a figure in that jello made from that very same jello. That jello is what is wanted, is what is desired. And you are surrounded on all sides by it, effortlessly. Realize your jello-ness! It can simply rest there in that totality, that fullness, with "events" "happening" frictionlessly within it, mere images projected in that cool sweetness. Only it should not be tempted back by thoughts, various delectable offers to use the energy it now has towards one cause or effort or another. These are like Siren songs... "Should I do this? How about that? Oh that looks good/productive/tempting/wise/interesting." To all of these ideas it should remain relaxed, with its eyes "half-closed' mentally/figuratively speaking... unaffected, tranquil, simply resting in the richness of its environs. It is much like learning to carry a pot of water on your head wherever you go. Whatever happens, don't let the pot fall, don't let a drop of what's in it spill. Or in reality it's actually the kind of opposite of this, because carrying the pot is not a particular activity, it is a refraining from the activity of being diverted by various thoughts/goals/intentions/desires. Let them occur, if they occur, spontaneously and involuntarily. And if they occur, pay them no need, no mind, no attention. They do not require reprimand. And if the bliss comes, refrain from comment on it. "I am enjoying this" <-- one is already out of it. And again, if that happens, no need for reprimand. Simply drop the thought. This Self is the anchor in the changing environment, the one thing that is both “in the dream” and not of it. It's like something which appears in a dream but is actually in reality as well. On one side it's a dream object; on the other side it is not in the realm of objects at all. It's like some kind of anchor which one can hold by letting go of all other things. And don't think about what's good thought or bad thought. That's a distracting thought in itself. That will lead you down a wild goose chase. Good and bad and should and should not are dangerous distractions.
  5. My recommended translation (Venkatesananda) of this classic advaita vedanta text It's not just profoundly wise instruction from the heart of an enlightened master, it is also full of amazing stories and metaphors. The sheer magnificence and magnitude of the ancient Indian conception of reality is just damn cool and mind-blowing. Just one example that I came across a second ago and that I wanted to share. It is actually a king's response to the questions of a vampire (!) about the ultimate nature of reality: "This universe was once enveloped by a series of coverings, even as a fruit is enveloped by its skin. There was a branch on which there were thousands of such fruits. There is a tree with thousands of such branches, a forest with thousands of such trees, a hill with thousands of such forests, a country with thousands of such hills, a continent with thousands of such countries, a sphere with thousands of such continents, an ocean with thousands of such spheres, a being with thousands of such oceans within him and a supreme person who wears thousands of such beings as a garland. There is a sun in whose rays thousands of such supreme persons are found: that sun illumines all. That sun is the sun of consciousness, O Vampire!"
  6. Yes, sounds like your "ego is bad" conditioning has now in your case become the ego. Could be. It wasn't your pain, it was probably the fact that it forced you to let go. Good. Since you mention being conflicted, I'd strongly recommend considering psychoanalytic psychotherapy (I've done it myself for many years, and it is useful for all seekers; it's different from just generic therapy). It specializes in helping move forward from inner conflict. I see you're in Sydney. I'd suggest contacting the Winn Clinic and asking for a referral.
  7. Yes. Maybe for you, that's the issue. Why not stop trying to do all that? If the ego wants to run wild let it. If there's pain and craving and desire, let there be all that. No need to drop any of those things. Just let them stay.
  8. Why not stop trying to drop the wanting and just allow the wanting and craving and pain to go on, just as it likes?
  9. Ok - so suppose enlightenment is all BS. Why is life so painful otherwise?
  10. I'm sorry you're in such pain. Ok, tell me what you've done for your decades of seeking. What have you read? Which teachers have you learned under? Which techniques tried? Have you gotten psychotherapy, if so, for how long and of which type? And what else have you done?
  11. If you find both too difficult, that is actually perfectly understandable. I'd advise following the path I set out here -- which includes getting an intellectual framework and quieting your mind, mainly by focusing on your psychology, all before getting too much into self-inquiry.
  12. "Just be" means to drop thought. "Do nothing" can be interpreted in many ways.
  13. If this doesn't appeal to you, the other possibility is to just drop all thoughts. Stop thinking.
  14. Yes, it might be confusing and uncomfortable. "something that isn't there" is just a thought -- and it's not true. You are. It's just that you're not what you think you are. You have the feeling of the I. As long as you feel that you are, focus on that feeling and attempt to hold it. Try and try and try -- with as much effort as you can -- for however long it takes before you get clarity.