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I'll copy and paste something I posted here last week, as a bunch of it is applicable to you, too. Do not freeze them; the ice crystals will ruin the cell structure and turn them to slime. Get yourself a cheapie food dehydrator at Walmart and dry the whole mushrooms until they are as dry as a cracker. You want them dry enough that they break very easily, without any bending needed. Cracker dry. They're then ready to use or store. To store, just get an air-tight Mason jar (more than one jar, if you have a big crop), put a dessicant pack in it and store it in a cool, dark place for up to a year or two. As far as dose, here comes the pasted post from last week. Take what you can use from it....... Yeah, if 2g didn't do much, I'd just say the heck with it and go with the famed "Heroic Dose" which is 5g dried, but if 4g sounds less frightening, then do that. Whatever method you use, do it after fasting for 6 hours. Food in your stomach will delay the effects and increase your chance of feeling nauseated or throwing up. Some folks love doing mushroom tea, but it never works as well for me as actually consuming the mushrooms. I got fed up with the tea method after raising the dose again and again and still not getting the effect of eating them, so I'm done with that intake method, but there's not much to it: heat up 1 or 2 cups of water (however much you'd like to drink), put the hot water in a coffee mug, finely grind up your bone-dry mushrooms in a coffee grinder until it's like baby powder, empty out a couple regular tea bags and then add the mushroom powder to the empty bags and let them steep in your mug of hot water for 20 minutes, squeezing the bags from time to time to ensure that the actives in the mushrooms are getting into the water.....and drink it. That's straight mushroom tea. The method I've found to work better than any other is to grind up the mushrooms as described before, put them in an empty coffee mug, add 2 ounces of real lemon juice, stir it up a few times while 20 minutes passes.....and drink it all down at the 20-minute mark. This is called the Lemon Tek method. It's nasty-lookin' shit, with a taste to match, and you might have to do it little by little to keep from gagging, which is why I keep the volume of what I need to drink to a minimum. The lemon juice activates or potentiates the psilocybin, making the trip start faster than other consumption methods. It's thought that the citric acid in lemon juice converts the psilocybin into psilocin, a process which would happen in your body anyway, even without the lemon juice, but since the lemon juice does it while the mushrooms are in the mug, your body doesn't need to bother with it, thus making the effects appear faster. I always do my psychedelic journeys alone at home. If you have a very trusted friend who's willing to sit in a different room and only tend to you if you call out for them, that's OK too. You definitely want some privacy, though. I talk outloud, chant, sing and all sorts of shit that would be disturbing to a sober person in the house, especially if they're unfamiliar with seeing someone on a therapeutic dose of psilocybin. Having a newbie tripsitter is NOT advised. It would be a new experience for you both, and you want at least one of you to have an idea of what's going on. "What to do" during a trip: I like to meditate in the dark after I drink my mushrooms, and I keep doing that even while I can feel the trip starting. Don't worry about not getting deep enough into meditation; if you're like me, you'll be too jazzed up to get as deep as during a regular meditation session. The point is just to calm your mind in preparation for the experience. When it becomes difficult to continue meditating after the trip starts, because of what I'm seeing (eyes always closed), hearing and feeling, I talk to the mushroom, expressing my gratitude, asking for its help, its guidance and frankly, its mercy. Might be kooky to do that, but I'm not at all convinced that mushrooms aren't a doorway into another dimension, accompanied by some kind of alien intellect. It's not necessary to believe what I believe as far as the alien intelligence goes, but you DO have to surrender yourself to it and acknowledge that you're in the direct presence of something that has it in its power to beat you up mentally if you're too cocky about it and try to exert control over it. That's what I like about the higher doses - they automatically put you in the passenger seat. At low doses, your ego is very much intact and it is petrified to relinquish control. Low doses can be a lot more challenging than higher doses for that very reason; your ego can fight and kick around and cause something of a rotten trip. Your ego is ushered into a waiting room in some ways during a 5g+ trip, and you are more apt to just lay there and surrender, which is when the mushroom can stretch out and do the driving. That's not to say that you for sure won't have challenging periods on a therapeutic dose; you sure may, but it's all a part of it. It's Yin and Yang. When I have a rough time, I fall back on Terence McKenna's advice of sitting up in bed and chanting or singing. It oxygenates your brain and can really free up a mental log jam. The last trip I had, I got stuck early on, started chanting and even after I felt better, I kept up with the chanting for 2 full hours because it felt so good and needed for some reason. I didn't know from one moment to the next what sounds were going to come out of my mouth. It was as liberating and cathartic as anything I've done in my almost 50 years on earth. Anyway, your fear is normal and GOOD. It signifies that you're serious about it and that you understand that you'll have to drop the reins and surrender to something very different than you've ever experienced. Again, you will still be you afterward. Even while it's happening, you'll still have the ability to go to the restroom, drink water and such, although you should stay in bed as much as possible. If you're like most people, the trip comes in waves. There will be times when the surf's up and all you can do is stay put and absorb what it's showing you, but there will also be low-tide times when you can go pee, drink some water or whatever for a couple minutes before the tide returns. I usually have 3 solid hours of heavy tripping before it begins to leave, but don't plan on leaving the house or doing anything too normal for 6 hours. If you can summon the courage to do this, it'll likely rank among the most important and profound activities you have ever engaged in. The potential for personal growth in such a short timeframe is completely unparalleled. All it takes is true courage, curiosity and an explorer's sense of adventure.

@MM1988 She predicted I would win a major pending legal case. There was no way she could have known I had a major pending legal case. She told me, "Don't worry. You will win it." And so I did, a year later. Real psychics do WAY more than cold-reading. They actually have paranormal powers. The nature of paranormal powers is that they are intuitive and therefore vague. While there may be some scammers, the whole "scammers" thing is overstated. That's just an excuse the materialist paradigm must make because that model of reality cannot account for any paranormal phenomena. After the levels of consciousness I've experienced, to me, anything paranormal looks quaint and quite normal. I have experienced things that are more radical than getting anally probed by an alien. So if an alien ever tries to anally probe me, at least I can think to myself, "Well, at least this is still not as radical as a 5-MeO-DMT breakthrough."

@General 2 i picked up the guitar at 22 which is quite late i suppose expecting almost nothing from it but a few years later i was playing sweet child of mine with a band, improvement keeps coming and coming now almost 30 i plan to get in 10000 hours more in the next 10 years and by then i want to be a master level guitarist by age 40 lets say. And seeing from my own progress that is not even an unrealistic goal as long as i get the hours in. I think with enough will almost nothing is impossible except maybe in sports if u want to become a world champion in u need to start young, other then that i don't know. But u need to get your habits in order absolutely i do believe that, u need total control and agency and maximize your energy and time available, work less if u can, cut off people that contribute nothing to your well being, get your finances under control and become financially independent. Without all that in place i cannot see myself completing my goals either. Besides that dive into the theory of mastery i think that is extremely important because if u never accomplished something extraordinary when u were younger u might not know the mechanics of mastery the whole concept of it might be alien to you, most adult people i know can't comprehend this, they just have the idea that there are talented people and they themselves are not talented and they are dead wrong, our whole culture is anti mastery, so this book might help ive read it twice now its really good. http://index-of.co.uk/Social-Interactions/Mastery - The Keys To Success And Long-Term Fulfillment - George Leonard.pdf

Since childhood, I have had a burning desire to understand life, the cosmos, and the universe. I also wanted to understand why I suffered, why other people suffered, why life was the way it was and still is. That hunger for learning the truth of life and of the secrets of the universe drove me to study many different subjects of science, many philosophies, many religions, many alternative media subjects of research, including government conspiracies, UFOs, channeling, the paranormal, and more. Until a few years ago, I felt at a loss because, it seemed to me, I was no closer to understanding the grand scheme of things now than when I was as a child. Over the last couple of years, however, I have slowly put together all of the information I have learned during my lifetime in a coherent way. I feel that the eyes of my understanding have been opened. And although the understanding I now hold is very unpopular and not pleasant to most people, I am here on a mission to share this knowledge for the benefit of those who may find anything of value in it. What follows is a message I will deliver to my own family, in the future, when I’m ready for them to hear it. For now, I only want to share this with the rest of the world because I’m not ready to take action on all that I have learned until my mission is completed. My message is quite long. If you want to listen to it, instead of reading it, please access the audio version of my message by clicking on the link below (the file is stored in my Google Drive): https://drive.google.com/file/d/1m8NdCUR5RuVSp3VPWaQe2dsdE4sWRMtA/view?usp=sharing 1. Goodbye. This message is for my wife, for my family, my friends, and for humanity. I want to say goodbye to all and to deliver a very important message I have for you. Honey, I'm sorry, but I have left. I know you are a fighter, and I know you will be OK. You will go on to fulfill all your dreams without me. You have been the best part of my life for over 16 years now, and I thank you for that. You've been the best partner I could have hoped for, but I still had to go fulfill my destiny, a destiny I must face alone. I had to go fight my fight against life. I have grown indignant at the way life treats living beings on earth, so I have left life behind. Do not feel sorry for me. I don't belong in the world, so I'm much better off now. I want to assure you that I did not leave because of being depressed, or desperate, or emotionally disturbed in any way. I have been planning to quit playing the game of Life for a long time. That was, logically, next step for me in my development. Now, I would like to explain in more detail, to all who would like to know, my reasons for quitting the game. Unfortunately, the game of Life is not fair toward most people. Everybody knows that. I go further and say life is right-down evil and psychotic. Human beings are forced to play a game, the rules of which they ignore. This ignorance causes them much suffering. People don't know the true rules of this game because they have been lied to by life itself, by our makers, our parents, religions, the education system, our political leaders, and by each other. This needs to be undone. Furthermore, people are all playing a game that cannot be won, except temporarily, where everyone will be a loser in the end. 2. The rules. The rules of the game are the rules of morality. Living a morally good life means living righteously. Living righteously is conforming to justice. Justice is fairness and equality for all. “All” refers to all living beings, not just human beings; it refers to all sentient beings, beings which possess awareness, feelings, and free will, and it refers to ALL living beings, even if they seem not to be sentient. Equality means equal value or importance (for the purpose of moral considerations) and equal rights to self determination and to a happy life, as every other living being has. Living a truly righteous life is impossible for us because it's impossible for us to live without eating other living beings, or without harming other living beings in various ways. Therefore, our physical life is of an unrighteous, unjust, hurtful, and evil nature. The reason we have the concept of morality is because we are sentient; we have feelings; we have a free will. Without these elements morality is meaningless. All beings which possess these characteristics are morally equal. Additionally, all living beings are all made of the same fundamental substance. Quantum physicists believe everything, at the quantum level, is made of the same type of very small particles or waves of matter, or strings, which are all made of the same fundamental substance. Some people believe this fundamental substance is energy. Some people believe that consciousness is the fundamental substance that makes up everything. I believe that conscious or intelligent energy, energy that is alive, is the basic substance out of which everything is made. Additionally, the obvious common element in all living beings is life. What really matters is that we are all individual living beings, who are made up of the same fundamental life, as every other living being is; therefore, all of us, living beings, have the same rights and moral weight or value. Should we follow the rules of righteousness and justice, we will be refraining from hurting ourselves and others. Should we ignore them, we will be harming others and ourselves by the law of causality, also known as karma. Every cause has an effect, and every action evokes a chain reaction, including an equivalent action that goes back to the doer of such action. The totality of what a person is, feels, and does, is the result of previously planted seeds. Then that person continues the chain by planting his or her own seeds. What people sow, they reap. If we sow harm to others, we will reap harm for ourselves. Any harm that comes back to us comes mechanically, not by somebody getting revenge necessarily. The law of Causality tells us that any and all actions become causes which have effects. Those effects also have effects, in a chain reaction. The whole universe is like a very complex circuit of dominoes. Eventually, the effects of what we do to others return to their point of origin and affect ourselves. This is not mysticism; it is physics laws! What I'm saying seems to be mysticism because the effects or reactions that I'm talking about are not immediate. They may take months, or years or decades or a lifetime to manifest. An example of an effect that is not seen right away is delayed onset muscle soreness. This is the pain and stiffness felt in muscles several hours to days after unaccustomed or strenuous exercise. The soreness is felt most strongly 24 to 72 hours after the exercise. If the delay for the muscle soreness to start were to become longer; let's say 6 months, we would not know why the soreness is there. The same would happen if our memories where extremely short. Let's say we forget the exercise we did by the end of the hour, and the next morning we wake up sore. It would seem mysticism to suggest exercise caused it. But it is not mysticism. Laws of physics caused it! There are a lot of examples of delayed onset effects: eating junk, smoking, and practicing bad habits of most types. The negative effects on our lives may not be obvious for a long time, but they are all caused by the law of cause and effect. Here are the three universal rules of righteousness and justice. 1. Each living being belongs only to itself; and each has full rights over its own life. 2. All life has equal rights. Each living being is equal in value or importance to every other living being. No living being or group of beings has any rights, including the rights to exploit, or abuse, or force their own will, upon any other living being or group of beings, unless all beings involved are willing participants. And, 3. Evil is prohibited. Evil is violating the above rules. Evil also is anything or anybody that causes any type of harm, pain, suffering, damage, impairment, injury, loss, detriment, distress, affliction, or any other disagreeable experience, or does any injustice, to a living being against its will. Evil is the ONLY deviation from moral rectitude there is. It is wrong. It is forbidden for anybody to do it to others. Evil is unacceptable as well. This means that it is forbidden for anybody to tolerate any evil or injustice being done to them by anybody or anything. 3. The equality of all life. The basic mandate of this moral code is similar to the Golden Rule: all living beings should do to other living beings as they would have others do to them. Living beings are morally equal. That is they have equal value for the purpose of determining right and wrong conduct; therefore all living beings must, starting with themselves, respect the free will, the life, and the well-being of all living beings. Whatever we do to others we do to ourselves, given that we are all made of the same thing. I want to clarify that I am not denying individuality. The fact is, we are many separate, individual, life forms. We are not all one thing. For this reason, the validation of, and respect for, every individual living being, of any species, is of outmost importance to living a moral life and the only hope for peace in life. Unfortunately, living beings cannot survive without killing or enslaving other living beings. I view this fact as life hurting itself, in other words, psychosis. I say hurting, and not helping, each other because we do not consent, and it is actually harmful for us, for example, if bacteria were to invade our bodies and consume them as a means of their survival. People seem to think all of this is OK, but I just can't agree with that. I believe everything I say here is absolutely true, even though I may not provide proof. It is your responsibility to research any topic you would like to make up your mind about or to dismiss what you want to dismiss without researching anything. What I'm looking for is for people to judge for themselves what I say. If anything I say makes sense to people, then I'm hoping for them to put those ideas which make sense to good use, as they see fit, or at least to keep them in the back of their minds for later possible use. 4. Why did I leave? Back to my reasons for quitting the game: Since my childhood, I set out to identify the cause of my suffering and that of those around me, so all unwanted suffering can be eliminated from our lives (I don't believe there is a good reason for suffering to be present, other than maybe because a being wants to suffer). I have identified the cause of the suffering of living beings, which is living beings themselves, for the most part. We cause ourselves and each other harm; and we cause harm to other living beings. In turn other living beings cause us harm. It is an undeclared war. Our bodies, our homes, our streets, and our world are the battle fields. They are places of constant or frequent struggle, where permanent peace is not possible. From birth to old age, most human beings go through a lot of trauma, some tragedy, a lot of sicknesses, loneliness, etc. There are many pleasant experiences also, of course; and this keeps most people going; but for what I've seen the unpleasant outweighs the pleasant for too many people, animals, and entire ecosystems. 5. What we sow in ignorance, we reap in ignorance. We have been taught we are superior to other life forms and even to other people, and that we have the right to use them, as our property, to suit whatever supposedly good purpose we are trying to accomplish. As a result we transgress the universal laws of righteousness and justice, but we don't feel that we are doing anything wrong, and we do not know why we suffer. What I'm saying is that the system of values and beliefs we hold individually and as a society are doing us a disservice because they are producing a quality of life for us which most people are not satisfied with. Most people want happiness, fun, respect from others, comfort, fairness, justice, freedom, peace, good health, and many other conditions that contribute to their overall well-being; but most people are not getting them. We put in our lives the wrong values, beliefs, and actions; which are a consequence of values and beliefs; and therefore, we obtain the wrong results. Should all life forms decide to respect all other life forms, nobody would be disrespecting anybody. There would be peace. If all people decided that they will abstain from warring with each other and they follow through on that decision, then we can be assured that wars will cease to occur. You can ask who would prevent people from committing injustice against others. Actually, the living beings who are being wronged, but choose to adhere to justice, are the ones that must make that wrong stop. The code mandates that nobody inflict or put up with evil, so if somebody is observing the code, they must find a way to make that evil or injustice that is being committed against them stop, without, of course, violating rules #2 or #3 which forbid inflicting pain, suffering, etc on any other living being. Similarly, if the forces of nature were to inflict pain on us, such as if we were struck by lightning, then nature is doing evil against us. I would suggest we honor rule number 3, which states: “It is forbidden for anybody to tolerate evil or injustice being done to them by anybody or anything." If the Earth is going to treat me like that, then I don’t need Earth. I'm going somewhere else because I do not put up with that sort of abuse against my person. I value myself. I value the quality of my life experience. If we did that, that lightning strike would probably be our last time of experiencing something unpleasant. 6. Following the rules is optional. Now, the adoption and observance of these universal righteousness rules is strictly voluntary and can be taken up or discontinued at any time. However, every living being who fails to adhere to it is hereby advised that your life experience will be what you are experiencing right now in your world. Most, or all, of the following will apply to you, depending on how lucky you are. You do not belong to yourself and do not have full rights over your own life. Another being or a group of beings will take ownership of your life and will enslave you in any way they can. Examples of this are your government, your society, and maybe even your employer. Other beings will declare their superiority over you. Examples may be people that have more money or more talent than you have, your guardian angels, and your God. You and your well-being will be less valuable or important than that of those other beings. Those other beings will have the rights they want to have over your life, including the rights to exploit you, and abuse you, and force their will in your life, even if you are not willing to be subjected to such treatment. Evil will be perpetrated against you by those who choose to do so. Evil is permissible to you also and is morally acceptable. However, complicated laws and moral guidelines will be imposed on you, to keep your society WORKING in an orderly fashion. Evil is something you must accept as a fact of life, no matter how oppressive it is to you. You must toughen up, must learn to tolerate evil, must learn to ignore evil, and must look only at the pleasant elements in your life, to delude yourself into feeling that everything is OK. 7. Statistically, evil is coming your way. I don't wish this on anybody, but the rules that would need to be followed to ensure universal peace and a blissful life, where every living being respects the lives and well-being of all other living beings, are impossible to be followed in our reality. We are forced to live in an environment, in our bodies and in the world, where we cannot be righteous and fair to all living beings and where nobody else can be righteous and fair to all living beings either. As long as we remain living in this unjust environment, we will have to deal with evil and injustice being done against us. Everybody is doing evil, everywhere, so it is just a matter of time before somebody does it to us. If it is a life form’s destiny to be food for others, then "destiny" and the whole system of the life we live, where organisms exist to be food for other organisms, are morally wrong, evil, unjust, and not righteous because they cause suffering to sentient beings and cannot support the three universal righteousness rules. The fact that reality is supposed to be unjust makes reality an evil one. Of course, to each its own. It's not my cup of tea, but if people want evil and suffering in their lives, they definitely have a right to them. You, as an individual living being, with your own life and free will, have the exclusive right to exercise your free will on what is yours, like your life, your body, your property, etc, as long as you respect the rights of all other living beings. If you want to give up that exclusive right and believe, instead, that others are entitled to run your life and dispose of you the way they see fit, you have the right to do that as well. 8. Positive thinking is not the answer. People are living their lives based on assumptions which are producing a world full of violence, hunger, crime, disease, injustice, hurt, and other undesirable conditions. These are assumptions such as ‘focus on the positive’, ‘everything is going to be OK’, ‘it could be worse’, ‘the government, the education system, the health care industry, and the church have our best interest at heart’, etc. If we continue to play dumb, as if we didn't know something is seriously wrong; or continue to hold the same assumptions we have always held, then we will continue to get the results I've mentioned, both globally and in our personal lives. Once we rid ourselves of all undesirable conditions, then we can go back to saying ‘everything is going to be ok’. I know for sure that I am not the only person unhappy with the way life is. Human suffering is global, and is the norm, not the exception. Everybody seems to just be used to it; and they have surrendered to the claim that this is the way things are; and there is nothing that can be done; and there is nothing wrong with that picture. So, my message is that there is something very wrong with the game of life; and many of us play the game without even realizing that we don't enjoy it all that much. We are told to practice positive thinking and to ignore the unpleasant aspects of our lives. These instructions are repeated incessantly in our society because the farmers of humanity, the tyrants who own us, have a vested interest in having us be docile and go along with their lead, without regard for our well-being as individuals. To them we are like cattle. Our value to them is one of utility. We are worth as much as the use they can obtain from us. They do not care about us, personally. Many things in the world are wrong and should be changed, but they want us to go along only with the changes they want to make, which serve to further their own agenda. They do not care about whether the quality of or lives is enjoyable to us or not. All living beings experience much suffering, either physically, or emotionally, or both. There are no exceptions. Life should not be this way. I don't believe that people should suffer. We make suffering and having a miserable life acceptable because we say so; because we tell ourselves that we ought to accept those experiences. But that is not an absolute truth. I don't believe there is a good reason for suffering to be present in somebody’s life, other than because he or she wants to suffer. If somebody really wants to suffer, that's fine; people should have the experiences they want without imposing their choices on others. 9. Please stop reproducing. Bringing people to the world is imposing your choices on others. Our way of life has produced throughout history, continue producing now, and will continue to produce in the future a world of conflict, violence, disease, lack, and suffering of all kinds, unless we make some radical changes. The first change we should make is to stop having children. We are slaves, although most people don't know it. Let us stop supplying the slave masters with more slaves. All people born into the world suffer and are exploited in the world. Does society, or individuals, really have the right to bring, for the benefit of themselves or of society, new members of society, even if this act will cause the new members of society much suffering? I don't believe so. We should not do this to our children. We should not give them life and force them, in all likelihood, to experience against their will: physical pain, injury, disease; emotional pain, despair, frustration, disappointment, heart break; bullying, abuse, ridicule, lack, and other negative or painful trials through no fault of their own, given that life is not fair. In summary, neither individuals, nor society, have the right to bring new souls to this world, because in all likelihood, those new souls will have to suffer much as a result. 10. Normal is not the same as righteous. We are literally a society of slaves. We know slavery is immoral, wrong, and evil. Nobody should put up with it, and nobody should impose it on others. If anybody thinks slavery is good, then let him or her be the slave. The difference between our global slavery and the slavery of Europe and the Americas in the 1700's, and 1800's is that to produce the slavery of human kind, the oppressors first killed the free males. The free females were raped and forced to have baby slaves. Then the females were killed too. The baby slaves were raised, treated, abused, and exploited, as slaves. Several rounds of breeding were conducted so there are older slaves who supervise or manage the younger ones, and there are slaves that govern different aspects of the society, all of this for the benefit, profit, and comfort of the slave masters. Slavery is the only form of life those slaves have ever known. For those slaves, which are us, this life is normal; but although this life is normal to us, it is not just, not right, not good; and we should reject it. 11. The Sumerians. This is literally what has happened to the human race, according to the Sumerian story of Creation. Most people have never even heard of the Sumerian culture or of the writings they left. Those texts were written 2,000 years before the first book of the bible was written. I believe what they say a lot more than what the bible says because they make more sense to me. 6,000 years ago they accurately described our whole solar system as seen from a spaceship; including: planets, moons and, the asteroid field. They described chromosomes and the DNA molecule; they described rockets, helicopter-like machines; they had knowledge of aerodynamics, of the different gravitational strengths of the planet's we know, of weapons of mass destruction or nuclear weapons, and of other facts or objects of technology supposedly unknown at that time. Humans could not have obtained that knowledge on their own at that time in history. The writings say that all of that knowledge was brought here by an alien civilization that came to earth. The Sumerian writings provide credible explanations for why our present is how it is, and their accounts are consistent with scientific discoveries made only in the last few centuries. To me the only logical explanation for the Sumerians to have known so much at that time is that they were telling the truth regarding how they obtained their knowledge. They said they were taught by the beings who created us. There is a lot of information regarding the Sumerian Epic of Creation online and in books. Most authors say they are myths, but several authors question that claim because Sumer was the first civilization that developed on earth. No other culture had developed previously to hand down any myths to them. Among the authors that have researched this topic, I like the books and videos of Zecharia Sitchin, Lloyd Pye, William Bramley, David Hatcher Childress, Michael A Cremo, among others. 12. The Anunnaki invasion and the creation of humankind. In summary the Sumerians tell us that human beings were made by beings that came to earth from another planet about 400,000 years ago. They were called the Anunnaki. They were looking to take the gold that was found on earth, to use it on their planet, to save their lives. About 300,000 years ago the working class of that alien civilization rebelled against the mining operations work they had to perform on earth. The leaders promised relief in the form of slaves that would take the place of those workers in the gold mines. About 200,000 years ago, after many trials, they finally succeeded in creating a working slave (the Homo sapiens species). They did this by mixing their DNA with the DNA of a compatible creature from earth (Neanderthal probably). The males were killed, the females were raped by having their ova extracted, artificially inseminated with alien DNA, and then being impregnated with the fertilized ova. After they were done nursing their babies, they were killed too. This explains why the Neanderthal species became extinct after coexisting with our species for some time. The baby slaves were the first human beings produced. They, of course, continued reproducing and making more slaves to work for the slave drivers, all the way to the present time. Eventually those alien people got enough gold and left. They had no right to kill the original creatures of earth or to make human kind; but they did not care because, in their own eyes, they were superior to the creatures of earth. To them, as the true abusive bullies they are, MIGHT… makes RIGHT! They enforce their will upon others because they can, because they are stronger. A few of them, and their offspring, which are hybrids of alien and human beings, stayed to rule over the world. Those were the pharaohs, the kings, and the people of power in history. Nowadays, those hybrids are hidden but use politicians, bankers, corporations, and other methods to rule the world. They figured out that if they can get people to believe themselves to be free, then the people will not revolt, therefore increasing their profits. 13. The slavery of humanity to suffering. Servitude or slavery is a condition in which a person is not free to live the experiences they prefer to live, but they are instead forced or bound to experience what they do not prefer. Even when people can change some of their conditions by working very hard, exercising much discipline, and by sacrificing much of what they love; they are forced to experience those undesired conditions, for long periods of time, until such time as when they are able to effect the changes they prefer, only to realize after they reach their goals that they still cannot be happy. If we were given the choice, we would not get sick, we would not get hurt, we would understand everything, we would not forget anything involuntarily, we would have no physical dysfunctions, we would be able to change all aspects of our physique at will instantly, we would be free to disconnect from gravity and fly at will, etc, etc. If we are not free to be what we want to be, and to live how we want to live; if we are not free to, or do not have the capability to, do everything we want to do, without harming others of course; if we have to do what we prefer not to do, like having to go to work instead of going on vacation with our loved ones or spending time enjoying our favorite activities; or if we have a job we don't care for but we cannot change for pressures of the circumstances; if we cannot have what we would like to have, because of lack of education, financial hardships, or for any other reason; that means our life experience is not what we want it to be; we did not choose it; and we are being forced to have it against our will. I call this slavery. For the most part, human beings have unkind life experiences they would prefer not to have to suffer. Since birth, people suffer. Babies cry, sometimes for days or even weeks at a time. As kids, they have destructive tendencies, so parents must control them, creating a form of suffering in them during childhood. At all ages, people are susceptible to illnesses, both physical and mental. Some people go to sleep hungry and cold, without a roof over their heads, while they see others have extreme abundance; that's suffering. People suffer emotional and physical traumas. People are forced to take jobs they do not like so that they can support their families; that's suffering. Some people must worry that bombs will drop on them, or on their families, at any time without notice; that's suffering. Feel free to add to this list anything you may have seen in the news that happens to people that is unpleasant, violent, or destructive; that's suffering. Other, more subtle, forms of suffering human beings are forced to endure are their own negative emotions, their ignorance, their lack of foresight, etc. 14. How things came to be the way they are. So, why is life the way it is? Based On all of the evidence I have been able to consider, I have come up with the following theory. I arrived at my conclusions by evaluating evidence of many kinds: scientific; historical evidence; current research of many fields of study, including: the paranormal, conspiracy facts research, and other topics exposed in alternative media; my own life experiences; my observation and analysis of society locally and globally, etc; and putting the evidence together in the only way it makes sense. There is a Universal Source which gives rise to everything that exists or happens: what is alive and not alive, real and imaginary, good and evil, matter and spirit, etc. Everything whatsoever is a former part of the Source and is made up of the same basic substances as the Source. 15. Evidence of a universal source. One form of evidence for this theory is the Big Bang Theory. This is, basically, an extrapolation made from the observation that everything on this planet came from a source, and each of those sources also arises from a prior source that produced it. We all have sources: Our parents. Our parents had sources which also had sources. If we trace back the sources, we see that most things and life on earth came from earth. Let's go back 4 billion years: the sun produced the earth, and the earth became the source of all life on the planet. The solar system came from our galaxy. Our galaxy had a source of its own, and so forth, back to the Big Bang; which is actually still happening because the universe is still expanding as a consequence of that initial expanding force acting upon itself to produce the universe we see. If we go back about 13.8 billion years we would see that something produced the Big Bang. This is the Universal Source. Everything comes from this one Source. Some people call it The Big Bang, others call it God, others call it energy and matter, and I call it The Universal Source. The idea of God, a divine, all powerful, perfectly benign entity that created everything and that takes care of all of us, does not make any sense to me, based on all of the evidence I see around me, everywhere. However, the fact that God is just as fictitious a character as Santa Claus does not mean that our universe cannot be alive or conscious. I say it is alive and conscious because of the type of processes, and functions, it carries out autonomously, by itself. When I see the cosmos, for example galaxies or planetary systems and their movements, I can discern order, structure, design, even purpose (the purpose of repeating their cycles maybe), definitely not randomness or chaos. On this planet, we see life forms which display purpose and intelligence as part of the design of their physiology: our organs all are intelligently constructed to serve a purpose. Human beings did not design those organs, so the intelligence and the sense of purpose are not only in us. We have them because the universe, which gave us life, has them. 16. The Source is sick. The material universe is all energy. Energy must be conscious and intelligent because everything is made of it, and we see clear evidence of intelligence at work in the world and within ourselves. Matter is not just matter. Water, for example, is not just water. Water is actually energy which for a time takes the form of water. That energy is the same energy that takes the form of a rock sometimes, and the same energy that takes the form of a human being at other times. This energy behaves without any restrictions, capriciously, purely determined by its intentions when sometimes it takes the form of a living being that displays consciousness, intelligence, and purpose; but at other times it takes the form of inanimate objects, like water; yet at other times it takes the form of just pure energy, like heat or the templates galaxies follow when they form. Energy behaves capriciously and intelligently, because it behaves with absolute regularity in what we call inert matter, but it displays irregularity in what we call conscious or living beings; yet it is all the same energy. This intelligent energy is good and evil at the same time, as in having multiple personalities or a split mind. The Universal Consciousness, Intelligence, or Mind is psychotic. This universal source has produced and will continue to produce, by means of the law of Causality, which is a much more complex version of the domino effect, the disgusting and hurtful effects we see in the world and experience in the flesh today. Because of its psychosis, the Universal Source auto-mutilates to produce everything that exists. It severs parts and particles from itself to use them for satisfying its sick desires. We are those particles. We are former parts of the Source and are contaminated with the same psychosis it has, which results in conflict, disease, and all evil in life. The Source is, actually, everything and everybody; but it is fragmented, split. That's why we are individuals, or separate, living beings. Otherwise we would be only one being or a collective living being. Another form of evidence for my theory comes from the field of Quantum Physics; which has proven that the seemingly solid material world, with all its seemingly different objects, is not really solid at all, and the objects are not really different from each other, because matter is mostly empty space, and the objects all consist of the same things: mostly fields of energy and tiny particles, or waves, or strings; all of which seem to be conscious because they all react to consciousness. The ancient Chinese Sage, Lao Tsu, said something interesting in the Tao Te Ching, chapter 42, talking about how Tao (or Dao) produced the Universe and everything within it. Paraphrasing: The Tao gives rise to the one. The one gives rise to two. Two give rise to three. Three give rise to the 10,000 things, or everything. I see a parallel relating to Quantum Theory: one fundamental substance, or source, gives rise to energy and consciousness. Those two give rise to protons, electrons, and life. Those three make up, everything there is. Everything is just one type of thing: conscious energy. This alive and intelligent energy produces all objects and all phenomena in the universe, the various states objects take, and the changes in those states. For those who do not believe in anything that is non material, I say it really does not matter whether it is matter, or energy, or intelligence, or stupidity, or madness, or evil, or chaos, or something else that is causing the current state of affairs to be what it is. Something has caused our lives and the world to be what they are. Whatever has caused all the suffering that exists in the world is not good. It all comes from the universal source. The Source has been doing what it does, for a long time, and it is not going to stop, unless we stop it. 17. History repeats in cycles. The Universal Consciousness experiences, and produces in the world as well as in individual lives, cycles of great evil, violence, and unhappiness alternating with cycles of lesser evil, violence, and unhappiness. Peace and war, love and hate, happiness and despair alternate, come and go, in cycles of time. During the lesser violent eras, the rotten nature of life is just covered up; it is not gone. At some point in time it will resurface. This has been happening since the beginning of life. This will continue to happen in cycles of ages, eras, or Yugas: War followed by peace, followed by war, and peace, and war. The same happens at the individual level. Being alive is not good, even if it feels good sometimes. People who seem to be fortunate get to love the goodness of Life temporarily, but due to the cycles of life, at some time or another, the wheel of fortune will make them suffer as much as the unfortunate people suffer, or more. The world turns, and the life scenarios of all people eventually turn into scenarios that are undesirable, if not in this lifetime, then in future lifetimes. Enki, the chief scientist of the alien invaders, stated: “for what shall come to pass by what had passed shall be determined; and what was destined shall in a cycle be repeated” (from the Lost Book of Enki, by Zecharia Sitchin). The world, the cosmos, and history turn. There are cycles in nature, on the wheel of life, which repeat through history. It is because of this cyclical turning of the wheel of life that most people, if not all, will eventually get to the position I'm occupying right now and will be able to see, from this vantage point, the truth of what I am saying. I am hoping that the message I’m trying to convey right now will help others gain some clarity in their time of confusion. 18. The evil of life. I see the world, what is happening now, what has happened all throughout history; and I see the suffering humanity goes through, and all I see breaks my heart. I cannot help but to pass judgment on this reality: It is evil; I don't like it, and I say it is not good because of all the suffering that exists in this reality. Life forces people to eat, abuse, exploit, murder, and do other evils against less powerful living beings so we can continue living, or we can be more comfortable, or we can feel pleasure or avoid unpleasantness. In turn, people too are used by those who are more powerful than them, as slaves, livestock, lab subjects, food, and as anything else the abusers want, without regard for people’s feelings or their well-being, most times, also without their knowledge. Our abusers are themselves abused by yet more powerful life forms, and so on. This is an example of Hermetic wisdom, which states: “as above, so below”. If it happens here, it also happens above us and below us, in accordance to the fractal like nature of Life. The evil we do to other living beings is wrong, but few people realize this because everybody is forced to do it since they are very young, and once we are old enough to make our own judgments, we see this is done by most of everybody else. People generally do not question the immorality of eating other life forms, or using products derived from them, or enslaving them, or killing them when they are inconvenient, a nuisance, or dangerous to us. As a condition of staying alive, happy, and healthy, we are forced to hurt or destroy other life and each other. All of the pain and sorrow we feel throughout our lives is an indication of the wrongness of the very nature of our lives. This evil is used to break the human spirit. First, our consciousness is arbitrarily brought to the world by decree of the big Tyrant, with the help of the lesser tyrants, who are the parents. Next, if babies cry for days or weeks at a time in protest, parents are advised to leave them alone in a room to let them get tired of crying, and to make them surrender to their new reality. Then, the process of breaking the human spirit continues by using techniques that parallel the barbaric spirit-breaking techniques used on elephants that are forced to work in circuses or in the tourism industry in Asia. The process includes keeping people in various types of confinements. Examples are: the physical body, life circumstances, the injustice system jails or prisons, and this planet itself; applying to them mental restraints, such as instilling fear in them or withholding key knowledge; giving them random physical and psychological trauma, such as when being attacked by disease, or receiving or witnessing injuries; feeding them misinformation, for example: the white lies children are told, the half truths taught at schools, the skewed science we are given, the news, etc; using psychological warfare tactics on them, such as religion; giving them promises, hopes and dreams that will never come true; humiliating them, for example by making them experience the degradation of having to ingest food and having to carry around feces in their bodies and being subject to other physiological needs, functions, and dysfunctions; administering to them punishments and rewards; and using other methods which aim at making a person give up his or her sovereignty. To subdue us, Life makes us endure against our wills: pain, heartache, fear, and a long list of other negative experiences and emotions. Watching the news every night reveals the wide range of atrocities that happen to people. We are made to be afraid constantly, because our well-being is not secure. 19. Free will vs freedom. Free Will is not the same as freedom. All living beings have free will, but they do not have actual freedom to make what they want of their lives. Individual minds make their own decisions, but what the tyrannical Mind has designed for us rules our lives. This is why human beings do not have what they want in terms of their bodies, their mental abilities, their health, their surroundings, their jobs, and in almost all other aspects of their lives. Once we are in the concentration camp, which is the world, we are subject to natural laws, societal laws, and other types of laws that take away our power to have the life experiences we want, when, and how we want them. We are not free. We are actually slaves. We have been enslaved by Life. We are made to live as slaves because we cannot direct how our lives unfold. Instead, we are subject to the dictates of external tyrannical forces, such as our circumstances or other people who have authority over us. In addition, despite our wishes and efforts, our lives are also controlled by internal tyrannical forces which overpower our conscious will. These are forces such as our psychosis, our mental and physical limitations, our ignorance, our emotional deficiencies, etc. Conditions which come as a result of being engineered by our Source to be unintelligent, weak, and capable of great suffering in order for the tyrants in charge to have ways of keeping us dependent, subservient, and imprisoned. Is this the life we really want to live and give to our children? If it is, then we are holding very low standards for the life we are willing to settle for. This is evil, and if we cooperate just by living our own lives and doing our best, we are evil too because we are collaborating with evil, the same way civilians collaborate with wars just by doing their own work, because the taxes they pay support the armed forces, so the armed forces do not have to do other work and are free to concentrate their efforts on killing or preparing to kill people. However, we can refuse to collaborate. We have free will. Despite being slaves of Life, we have the power to choose to quit life, or to remain participants of it. 20. Living until old age makes no sense. Like others before me, I have realized that Life is meaningless. Even though I assign a purpose to my life, which is to have fun, to enjoy my life, to feel good, etc, in short: to be happy; and most other people also have as their goal to enjoy their lives and to be happy; I and most other people cannot be perfectly happy, for a myriad of reasons. This pattern of wanting happiness but not being able to get it or to keep it for very long must be caused by something. From the point of view of living beings, the natural purpose of our lives is to be happy, to enjoy our lives, to do what we love, to have what we love, to share our lives with loved ones; but from the point of view of our makers, the tyrants who exploit us as if we were livestock, the purpose of our lives is to produce benefits for them. This tells me that the life we were given is of a tyrannical nature. For this reason, it is not possible to enjoy life thoroughly and permanently. In addition, our consciousness is of a psychotic nature; therefore, even if we get to be, do, and have everything we want in this tyrannical existence, our happiness turns into boredom, and then into dissatisfaction, and then into anger or some other similar emotion. Permanent happiness and well-being are not possible in life. King Solomon, in his biblical book Ecclesiastes, disheartened and grieving, recognized that life is meaningless, hurtful, vain, devoid of purpose, and evil. No matter what we do, the natural purpose for our living cannot be fulfilled. At some point in our lives we all realize that life is meaningless; thus, we should have no reason to want to live, at least not always, and not indefinitely. People should lose their will to live at an early age, and a lot of children do. But they are brainwashed by their parents and other adults. As a result, although unnatural, most adults always want to live, and they want to live indefinitely. This is probably because of a combination of their fear of death (which is based on believing lies taught by religions), and their hunger for more happiness. They are willing to go through the most horrific experiences in order to avoid death and go back to whatever it is that they do. They also see no moral dilemma with inflicting pain, suffering, and destruction on other life, if it means they get to save their own skin or improve their conditions. Again, this sick mentality is the result of mental programming by society. Living this life is clearly evil. Living beings are clearly evil, and at least partially psychotic (for loving a life that hurts them); but, we cannot realize any of this, because our minds are as evil as Life is. It is no wonder there is so much suffering in the world. 21. The lies people believe. Predictions of upcoming freedom or well-being, or promises of changes for the better in the world or in a future life are empty promises to entice people to stay in the prison of Life, to keep bringing more babies (slaves) to the world, to keep working, and to keep the system going. The freedom and happiness promised are false hopes, intended to perpetuate the exploitation of human beings. These lies are like fake carrots on sticks in front of donkeys (which represent us). The donkeys will not reach those promises. If and when the tyrant in charge decides it is in its best interest to let the donkeys have something they want, an unsatisfying portion of what was promised may be given; but the carrots the donkeys are really after, everlasting happiness and well-being, will never be reached by them because those carrots do not exist, they cannot be created, and even if they were to be created, it is against the nature of the tyrants to give them, and against the nature of the donkeys to produce them. Tyrannical governments, politicians, greedy bankers, unethical CEOs, secret organizations, the economy, bad luck, hunger, ignorance, mean people, minor criminals, major criminals, enemies, terrorists, wars, natural disasters, diseases, parasites, epidemics, catastrophes, or the like, are not the problem. Those are just inevitable conditions produced by a single root cause, which is Life as designed by the psychotic Universal Source. Everything else serves as a distraction, so people do not look at the real cause of their dissatisfaction, and so they do not realize they are slaves to their lives, and that they should break free. 22. Suicide, the first step in the right direction. How do we free ourselves from evil? Freedom from the evil that pervades all Life is achieved by total annihilation of the self. This freedom cannot be imposed or bestowed onto others. It must be taken by each individual for himself or herself, by breaking ourselves free from the prison which is our physical body. Suicide is not a sign of being a coward. It takes bravery to overcome the fear of pain, the fear of the unknown that is waiting for us, the fear of what might go wrong, the discouragement of society, etc. So do not believe the fallacy that says that all suicide is cowardliness. Every living being belongs to itself only and is entitled to do with its own life whatever he or she sees fit, as long as he or she does not directly harm or infringe upon the rights of other living beings. Suicide is an action that may not be popular, or politically correct, or pleasant, or safe; but it may be one that is RIGHT or JUST. This is not the same for everybody. Each life circumstance, each heart, each person is different. What I propose is that each person finds those actions that are right for him or her. 23. Suicide can be good for society. As a society, we should not prohibit or discourage suicide from those who feel they no longer want to live. An illustration of why I think this to be the case is the Las Vegas shooter of 2017 and other mass murderers who have killed and injured so many people. They obviously do not have a reason to live because most of them kill themselves after killing their victims. A lot of times we don't really know what they want to accomplish: maybe it is to punish wrong doers. Maybe they want to hurt people that are happy, because they are envious, because they are not able to be happy or have fun. Maybe they are actually trying to help their victims in some twisted way we do not understand. Whatever the motives may be, should those people hold moral principles similar to the ones I propose, the tragedies they've caused in the past would not happen as often. They would know: 1. other lives belong only to themselves. It is wrong to hurt or take anything from another living being against its will. And 2. Their own lives belong to them only. Nobody has the right to hurt or enslave them by making them stick around when they no longer want to be around. It is OK if they end their lives. There is no hell waiting for them. Their society does not condemn them for making their own decisions about what they do with their own lives. As a consequence of the above, they are at peace with society, and they end the torment of their lives without hurting other people. 24. Suicide is our right. I am not encouraging mass suicide! I'm only trying to help those who have no reason to stick around, to leave their misery or the meaninglessness of their lives behind. There is really nothing wrong if they do it. I've seen much unnecessary suffering in my lifetime. I am trying to put an end to that. If everybody wants to commit mass suicide, honestly, I think they would be better off, but there are other things to try. I don't believe any other solution will be effective though. I find it odd that almost everybody, even people who scrutinize ideas with strict rationality and logic, such as philosophers, do not dare to contradict, or even question, the mandate against individuals taking full control over their own lives ad deaths. Why is this? Are we, as individuals, property of society, or property of some divine entity, or property of somebody else? If so, we are slaves, and being a slave is not for me. I don't recommend it to anybody. If we are truly free individuals, are we not entitled to do with our lives anything we see fit (as long as we do not directly harm others)? Besides that, what does it matter if we take ourselves out before nature or somebody else does? We will all die eventually. I want to have control over my death, not leave it to a random force, or event, or somebody else to inflict it on me, at their pleasure. 25. Let us resist the indoctrination. The truth is that we have all been indoctrinated, brainwashed, to have a prejudice against suicide because it is against the interests of the farmers of humanity that people feel completely free to do with their lives and their deaths whatever they see fit. It's time for us to reject this prejudice. As a society, it is important to recognize suicide is an individual’s prerogative, not a matter for group debate. Each person has the right to choose for themselves whether they do or don't opt for suicide, and society must be at peace with it. We must recognize individuals’ right to be sovereign over their own lives and deaths. Society, in an act of wrongness against us, has hammered into our consciousness how wrong and cowardly it is for people to commit suicide. I want to reverse that. I want to make everybody aware of the benefits of owning our own lives and deciding for ourselves, individually, if suicide is something that may benefit us. There really is nothing wrong with it, if it is done responsibly, and if we recognize that the interests of the individuals are above the interests of the State or of society. The interests of the state and society are really the interests of the rulers of humanity, of the tyrants who are farming us – the interests of those who exploit the human race, to its detriment, for their own gain. 26. It is a personal decision. I did not want to collaborate with the evil tyrants anymore. I really disliked the bloodshed and the human misery. It broke my heart watching people hurting each other, hurting animals, and so on; so I opted for suicide to get out of this game. You, of course, can stay and play some more if you want, but know that you are justified if you want to quit at some point, and that it is your right because only you own yourself. Don’t enslave others, and you will have the right of defending yourself against other's attempts at enslaving you. Whatever we want to choose for ourselves is right for us. Whatever others want to choose for themselves is right for them. Trying other solutions, or choosing to do nothing at all, are valid options as well; no shame on any of it. 27. Attaining true freedom. Continuing with the procedures for obtaining absolute freedom from evil, first we kill our own bodies; then, we must extinguish our spirits or souls also. Probably, this is done by seeking complete darkness and rejecting any advice to follow any light or angel or family member, and declining to go through any door or tunnel; and laying our souls to rest in complete darkness, and by not feeding them any energy, or exerting any force or effort until our consciousnesses turn off completely. My plan is to try taking my soul straight to the asteroid field and turning myself into stone there. Other steps may be necessary to freely navigate the spiritual realm. Once out of the body, we may have to find out what to do to achieve the extinction of our spirits. As spirits, we could choose to reincarnate on earth or on other planets, or maybe even ascend to other dimensions. All of those choices would be mistakes, if we want to rid ourselves of all evil. However, we could also choose to extinguish our consciousness. This is the right choice, the one that leads to freedom, and it is up to each individual to learn what it takes, and do what it takes, to accomplish it. There is a lot of evidence that indicates the awareness of a person survives the death of that person's body. I have researched this subject. The evidence convinced me that for at least several minutes, to several hours, after we die, we remain self aware, we perceive our surroundings and beyond, and we see and hear what happens and what other people do. There are documented cases of people that, after dying, were subsequently resuscitated, and gave account of what they did, saw, and heard while their bodies were dead, having no pulse and no brain activity. This is indirect evidence, but it is valid. It is the testimony of people who affirm they have had this experience. I have seen many reports of such cases of near death experiences. I do not believe those people are all lying. The doctors also testify those people were really dead. I see no reason why we should not believe them. 28. Consciousness can be turned off. To me this means that we are all very likely to have to make decisions after our bodies die. I think we will do better for ourselves if we are prepared to make those decisions when the time comes to make them. For the moment, I am not certain of how to do it, but due to the self similarity of the various parts, levels, or compartments of Life, I'm completely sure there is a way of permanently turning off or killing our consciousness; and I'm sure that I will find it, once I'm out of the prison which is my body. Most likely, by the time you hear or read this, I no longer exist as a living being. True freedom is freedom from Life and from being. Without life we cannot contribute to the evil doing that goes on universally. Without consciousness we cannot experience the pain and suffering the Source imposes on living beings. This is why the complete destruction of the self is so effective in liberating a person of all evil. I do not like the solution I am proposing one bit, but in my opinion it is the only definitive solution to the problem of human suffering. There are deceitful teachings, used to control individuals and societies, which state that spirits cannot die. We are made up of the same basic substances as the Source because we were once constituents of the Source. We were the source, but we were severed from it. Therefore, our spirits have the same qualities, attributes, and powers as the spiritual portion of the Source, in reduced scale. The bible uses the symbol of a fire or flames to represent the spirit of God. This is because in many ways a spirit or soul is like a fire. Fires can be extinguished. Souls can be extinguished also. Once a fire is extinguished it ceases to burn and to exist. Once a soul is extinguished, it ceases to be conscious and to exist. Even when elements that make up fires are still present, (such as oxygen or fuel), that instance of a fire, that particular fire, no longer exists if the fire is out. It works the same way with the death of consciousness. The functioning of a soul or spirit and its identity can be destroyed. The fact that our essence, our souls, are made of energy does not mean those souls cannot rid themselves of life. If by the time you are listening to this message I have attained my goal, my consciousness no longer functions. I neither think, nor remember, nor feel, nor want. I am not aware of anything whatsoever, and I am no longer a living entity. 29. Pure consciousness is bound only by its own will and its own emotions. Maintaining that we cannot cease to exist as living entities or that our consciousness cannot die, denies that the universe or Universal Consciousness possesses free will. It implies that the universe is bound to do, MUST do, what it has been doing; and it has no choice but to do what it has been doing. The universe is eternal, but it does not follow that it must eternally do the same things it has been doing. In other words, the universe does not have to repeatedly take the form of living beings, should it decide that taking the form of living beings is not what it wants to do any longer. The universe could take the form of only rocks and other inanimate objects, if it wants. The universe is not bound. Pure consciousness is not bound. There is nothing outside of it that could bind it or force it to do anything. It does what it wants to do. There are no rules it must follow. Who could impose rules or laws to the universe? Who could enforce them on it? It imposes the rules on itself, and it enforces them, as it pleases. We are individual units, bits, fragments, crumbs, or shavings of that Universal Consciousness. In a way, we are the universe. The belief that we must reincarnate is the universe auto-imposing a rule that says it must reincarnate, so it reincarnates. But the rule can be changed at will. The universe can say: I have an option to reincarnate or not. I have the option of creating inanimate objects only. The universe can decide to live no more. The whole universe can choose to die. This is scientifically called "heat death of the universe", a universal state in which life cannot be supported and only inanimate objects remain. Therefore, we, as individual consciousnesses, can choose to die as well when we are out of our bodies. We can turn ourselves off and become something other than conscious beings. I found the following regarding a scientifically possible death of the universe online on Physlink dot com: “The 'heat-death' of the universe is when the universe has reached a state of maximum entropy. This happens when all available energy (such as from a hot source) has moved to places of less energy (such as a colder source). Once this has happened, no more work can be extracted from the universe. Since heat ceases to flow, no more work can be acquired from heat transfer. This same kind of equilibrium state will also happen with all other forms of energy (mechanical, electrical, etc.). Since no more work can be extracted from the universe at that point, it is effectively dead, especially for the purposes of humankind.” As pure consciousness, without a physical body, we are bound only by our own will and our own emotions. We can choose to die in spirit, but it is important to fully own ourselves and to fully be in control of our emotions, as opposed to letting our emotions control us. If we feel out of control here, we will feel out of control on the other side as well. So take the time to face your fears, to conquer your demons, and to take full responsibility for who you are, and for what you do. 30. Follow your heart. What is happening to human kind and to all life on earth is not fair, not just, and not right. It is a sick game The Source and Life play. We are the game pieces. We are, somehow, the rule makers too, since we are whatever the universe if made of. At some point we will all decide we've had enough of this game. Life forces us to do evil to other living beings; therefore, it is of an evil nature. We should not participate, or should stop participating as soon as we are able to stop. However, some people would like to stay in the game longer than others; some want to play multiple times. That's OK. It is their right to choose for themselves. Maybe they are winning. Some people, maybe the ones that have seen all of the cheating and the injuries, have had enough of the game and will quit playing soon. It's OK to stay or to leave, but I've wanted to help the players become aware of the rules, so the game is a little more enjoyable for everybody, because, unfairly, we have been made blind to the truth, to keep us exploitable. This was done by means of indoctrination and brainwashing, starting from our early childhood and lasting our whole lives. We’ve been repeatedly told what things mean, who we are, what things should be like, and how to think. Nobody is allowed to disagree with the indoctrination. For this, most people cannot fully see the truths I'm describing, and as a consequence, they play the game in a way that hurts them, in favor of providing benefits and profits to the universal parasites. We are here now, and our lives are what they are. This is the state of the game. What's your next move? Will you quit playing? Will you find out more about the true nature of the game? Will you change your strategy? Whatever you decide for yourself is right for you. Do not let anybody convince you of the opposite, but do respect other people's right to freely choose for themselves what is right for them. I have one final request, and it is for you to share this message with other people, if you think it might be of benefit to them. Thank you. May you find a way to experience everything you desire, and nothing you don’t.

You're very welcome. I love talking about this. Yeah, if 2g didn't do much, I'd just say the heck with it and go with the famed "Heroic Dose" which is 5g, but if 4g sounds less frightening, then do that. Whatever method you use, do it after fasting for 6 hours. Food in your stomach will delay the effects and increase your chance of feeling nauseated or throwing up. Some folks love doing mushroom tea, but it never works as well for me as actually consuming the mushrooms. I got fed up with the tea method after raising the dose again and again and still not getting the effect of eating them, so I'm done with that intake method, but there's not much to it: heat up 1 or 2 cups of water (however much you'd like to drink), put the hot water in a coffee mug, finely grind up your bone-dry mushrooms until it's fine like baby powder in a coffee grinder, empty out a couple regular tea bags and then add the mushroom powder to the empty bags and let them steep in your mug of hot water for 20 minutes, squeezing the bags from time to time to ensure that the actives in the mushrooms are getting into the water.....and drink it. That's straight mushroom tea. The method I've found to work better than any other is to grind up the mushrooms as described before, put them in an empty coffee mug, add 2 ounces of real lemon juice, stir it up a few times while 20 minutes passes.....and drink it all down at the 20-minute mark. This is called the Lemon Tek method. It's nasty-lookin' shit, with a taste to match, and you might have to do it little by little to keep from gagging, which is why I keep the volume of what I need to drink to a minimum. The lemon juice activates or potentiates the psilocybin, making the trip start faster than other consumption methods. It's thought that the citric acid in lemon juice converts the psilocybin into psilocin, a process which would happen in your body anyway, even without the lemon juice, but since the lemon juice does it while the mushrooms are in the mug, your body doesn't need to bother with it, thus making the effects appear faster. I always do my psychedelic journeys alone at home. If you have a very trusted friend who's willing to sit in a different room and only tend to you if you call out for them, that's OK too. You definitely want some privacy, though. I talk outloud, chant, sing and all sorts of shit that would be disturbing to a sober person in the house, especially if they're unfamiliar with seeing someone on a therapeutic dose of psilocybin. Having a newbie tripsitter is NOT advised. It would be a new experience for you both, and you want at least one of you to have an idea of what's going on. "What to do" during a trip: I like to meditate in the dark after I drink my mushrooms, and I keep doing that even while I can feel the trip starting. Don't worry about not getting deep enough into meditation; if you're like me, you'll be too jazzed up to get as deep as during a regular meditation session. The point is just to calm your mind in preparation for the experience. When it becomes difficult to continue meditating after the trip starts, because of what I'm seeing (eyes always closed), hearing and feeling, I talk to the mushroom, expressing my gratitude, asking for its help, its guidance and frankly, its mercy. Might be kooky to do that, but I'm not at all convinced that mushrooms aren't a doorway into another dimension, accompanied by some kind of alien intellect. It's not necessary to believe what I believe as far as the alien intelligence goes, but you DO have to surrender yourself to it and acknowledge that you're in the direct presence of something that has it in its power to beat you up mentally if you're too cocky about it and try to exert control over it. That's what I like about the higher doses - they automatically put you in the passenger seat. At low doses, your ego is very much intact and it is petrified to relinquish control. Low doses can be a lot more challenging than higher doses for that very reason; your ego can fight and kick around and cause something of a rotten trip. Your ego is ushered into a waiting room in some ways during a 5g+ trip, and you are more apt to just lay there and surrender, which is when the mushroom can stretch out and do the driving. That's not to say that you for sure won't have challenging periods on a therapeutic dose; you sure may, but it's all a part of it. It's Yin and Yang. When I have a rough time, I fall back on Terence McKenna's advice of sitting up in bed and chanting or singing. It oxygenates your brain and can really free up a mental log jam. The last trip I had, I got stuck early on, started chanting and even after I felt better, I kept up with the chanting for 2 full hours because it felt so good and needed for some reason. I didn't know from one moment to the next what sounds were going to come out of my mouth. It was as liberating and cathartic as anything I've done in my almost 50 years on earth. Anyway, your fear is normal and GOOD. It signifies that you're serious about it and that you understand that you'll have to drop the reins and surrender to something very different than you've ever experienced. Again, you will still be you afterward. Even while it's happening, you'll still have the ability to go to the restroom, drink water and such, although you should stay in bed as much as possible. If you're like most people, the trip comes in waves. There will be times when the surf's up and all you can do is stay put and absorb what it's showing you, but there will also be low-tide times when you can go pee, drink some water or whatever for a couple minutes before the tide returns. I usually have 3 solid hours of heavy tripping before it begins to leave, but don't plan on leaving the house or doing anything too normal for 6 hours. If you can summon the courage to do this, it'll likely rank among the most important, and profound activities you have ever engaged in. The potential for personal growth in such a short timeframe is completely unparalleled. All it takes is true courage, curiosity and an explorer's sense of adventure. I sure wrote a shit of a lot there. I hope you read it all and find it useful.

@Shin I socialize a lot but you're right that it's mostly the same group of people in which I'm not really interested in dating any of the women. It's probably always a good idea to just do some of those basic personal development things aswell. Kind of easy to forget about those when you're busy meditating in hopes of encountering alien mantis people or getting kicked out of the library for pulverizing and snorting all of their books in hope of some new insight on how to best move towards your life purpose. But yeah tell me about it. I feel like the biggest thing I'd enjoy in a relationship would be the proper disillusionment with the idea that it would make me happy. Because I understand it intellectually but I probably have plenty of gunk in my subconscious that I probably only could clear out with first hand experience.

I keep thinking that I want to be relieved of the human condition. The need to eat and work to survive. Nothing satisfies me. All I have are addictions to certain distractions such as binge eating and watching videos, looking at bizarre pictures and at certain times I derive satisfaction in the plight of annoying celebrities. Everything bores me. I find most people I meet loathsome. Sometimes I'm angry that they are sheep. I'm also upset with this disgusting ego of mine because of how I want to be recognized for my ideas and how badly I want to be special and adored. But I also don't want the attention of sheep. I believe in a spiritual realm where fairies and angels live but I am terrified of seeing one. I am afraid of the dark and of evil. I am afraid that I am evil. It terrifies me to think that my soul is corrupted. I know aliens exist and I am aware that all souls are one but I am incredibly lonely. I am also reading over this as I type it and think how incredibly insane it sounds then I feel disgusted in myself. I feel like all I want to do is sound good and make sense. I want to be accepted. I am aware that wanting to be accepted is a condition from my incredibly huge ego. I hate my ego. I believe my ego is the cause of my insecurities. But I can't help but want to be significant. I believe that somehow service to others is the path to happiness but I can't make myself want to even get out of bed. Sometimes I look up at the sky and want to see alien spacecraft just to know there's something other than this reality I'm living in. Even though I know they exist, I just want to see it with my own eyes. Currently my greatest interest is to go through hypnosis just to see what my higher self wants to say. Sometimes I'm afraid my higher self isn't as magnificent as I would like it to be. I am aware that that's not for me to decide. I am curious who I was in my last life. My ego wants me to have been someone spectacular. Sometimes I wish I was Cleopatra. Although she went through much suffering so I don't know how much I would enjoy that idea. But I just want to be recognized for that in this life. How selfish of me. I want to relieve myself of the human condition. There's way too much work and burden to feel somewhat fulfilled. So at times I have thoughts of killing myself. I didn't like my life much and still don't. I will not kill myself but my thoughts keep entertaining the idea. I'm so ungrateful and I'm a bit ashamed of it. Some people find joy in living and would probably like my life if they had it because it is comfortable and I live in a first world country, I'm never hungry and there's always something to do if I choose. But... like Leo said in one of his videos, I yearn for life to be magical.

This is the intention - your intention - to experience being Alien, you had to employ a mechanism which prevents you from knowing you are God. God is so intelligent, that God can even not know God is God. What the actual fuck man. ?This is how you get to experience the reversal of this. As convincing as it is, that you are Alien, a body & brain, etc - because you are God, there can not be a perfect “convincing”. The illusion is God, and therefore so many breadcrumbs and and tracks had to be covered, hidden. What an adventure the rediscovery is!!! I mean, seriously, can you even believe it!!? The truth of no history covered with the illusion of time, the truth of no birth covered with the illusion of a developing ego, the truth of no life covered in illusion of death, the truth of no death covered by the illusion of alive. The truth of light covered in the illusion of dark. The truth of the “superposition” covered with drywall!!! LOL. The genius of it is just ineffable. ? It can only be explained, with silence - with fucking silence ahhh haha haha Can you even imagine something that can make something which is nothing out of it’s very self which is it’s self and has no idea it is it’s self and appears to nothing as something while it is nothing?!?! Seriously, just seriously, what the actual fuck. That is impossible except that it IS! ?

@Alien It's a prerequisite of being alive. Nature is brutal. It will kill you really quickly if you're not selfish. At least to start with. Later selflessness can emerge upon the foundation which selfishness built. The problem is, people really take life for granted. Life is such an amazing phenomena! How a creature is able to stay alive for 10, 30, or 70 years is totally remarkable and baffling! It's no easy feat of engineering. Ego was the solution to that engineering challenge.

@Alien we all are. Lol ?

@Alien Anything you’ll ever want or do, is because you think it will make you feel better, be happier. Don’t fall for the thinking! You can feel better and be happier right now, and then enjoy the shit out of everything you do. Might need to slow down any thinking which suggests otherwise. Meditation will do that in spades.

@Alien It’s the ‘make a living from it’ thoughts. You’re makin one 15 minute meditation as big as your life purpose. Can’t do that man, it’ll snap ya right outta the now. Gotta snap back in! That’s the baggage, or resistant thinking. Let that go completely. See that meditation is paradoxical, in that, when you drop the attachment of making money from meditation, spirituality, waking folks up in general - then - I’m be damned, that, is exactly where meditation will take you. Meditate just for the awesomeness of clearing your head, do it simply for the now of it, just to be present. The answer, is in a big way, always to let go of what we want. Later on, yet soon enough, it strolls into our lives. Universe is funny. Feels good to let go of that mental baggage, right? Hell ya it does.

Guys, I read from different sources that, you can recover from suffering only after enlightenment. So in this suffering I surrendered myself to pain, fear and was in the now. The fear, anxiety took my body and I was shaking. I stayed like that for hours, but did not get enlightened. I was checking constantly "is it enlightenment?". I thought if I never get enlightened I will be trapped in this torture. The fear increased. I waited may be increased suffering would make me stop identifying with mind. But nothing happened. And the next days I found out that I have new obsessive mission. ENLIGHTENMENT. I read for hours about enlightenment on internet. All I had in my mind was enlightenment. "I should achieve it, otherwise I will be incomplete forever. This is my only salvation." I wanted to stay in now and I was able to do that for several seconds and when my mind wandered I would bring it to the now. Although the now was horrible, boring, empty and frightening. I was trying to stay in the now with hope that I will train my mind not to feel emptiness in the now by practice. But the idea "enlightenment" does not let me do it anymore. It says "why are you in the now, move your ass and get enlightened as soon as possible. You are either in or out. It is binary. Devote yourself to enlightenment completely and after achieving it, you will live your life. Enjoy your tea, hang out with your friends and etc." I have had a lot of obsessive missions before, and I know how hard to kick them, almost impossible. And if I am able to kick them a huge emptiness replaces them where I have no drive to do anything. Please, tell me what to do? I surrender to pain and fear, but they dont subside. Does surrendering mean that I should live with them forever? But it is impossible. I cant relax, enjoy my life when I have pain and fear. Can an enlightened person enjoy the moment while somebody is cutting his arm off. I bought Eckhart Tolle's book "The Power of Now" last year and started to read it slowly. In the beginning I thought it is a book of a wise man who fought against depression and won. Who will give practical advice how to be happy. But it turned out this book was somehow mystical. Who speaks about existence, god, and claims all people feel incomplete and unhappy because they are detached from god's energy and will always be like that until they rewire to that energy. And his practical advice does not help me as well. He says when you are in the now you will feel energy. But I dont. I feel boredom, fear, anxiety, emptiness, no drive to do anything. My mind says "come to me, think, find an answer and get content". I do, find an answer, get content, but for seconds. And this cycle repeats. I have found answers which seemed to make me feel full forever, but it lasts short. My mind is always hungry. But when I come back to now I dont feel any attachment, love to now. It feels like alien. I had hope that I would rewire my mind to be in now with meditation and forcing myself to be in the now. But now I got a belief that whatever I do, how much I do, does not matter if I dont get enlightened. I want to persuade myself that I am not my mind, but I cant. I had a hope that with practice I can get a happy, content life. But now I dont. Because even if enlightenment exists and I practice hard to get there I probably will fail with such a desire to get enlightened. Psychotherapists say "you have a disorder and we can cure it", I say "no, it is not a disorder, all people including you psychotherapists are in pain, because we have dewired from existence and will suffer until enlightenment." So here I am paralyzed, not knowing what to do. I started antidepressant therapy again and actually it reduced my anxiety and fear a little bit.

That's why we are here, to help him. He is the Alien DEVIL Lucifer pushing psychedelica to spiritualists so he can lure them in eternal illusion MUHAHAHAHA!

So I had a few weird experiences the other day, they felt alien. I was in the car on the way to work with my brother and all of a sudden everything became the same thing. There was no difference from my brother than the tree outside or the car outside. All labels went out the window and everything became the same thing? lol it sounds weird but I don't know what happened but it confused the shit out of me later. This lasted for about 2-3 minutes then everything went back to normal. Then it happened again like 30 minutes later and lasted for about 5 minutes. Fast forward to the next day, I was at the gym and I went to the bathroom. When I was taking a piss in the urinal it felt like I was pissing on myself? It felt like a strange loop. Like I was the urinal/bathroom and I was taking a piss on myself. Again, I was extremely confused. Anyone else have any weird experiences like this? I'm still mind fucked from them tbh

Hi everyone, I want to share my store about my kundalini/spiritual awakening because I really don’t know what to do anymore and I think I really need some serious help or advice. I’m 28 now. I’m a male from small town in Poland. I used to have suicidal thought since I was probably 17/18 years old. At the end of January 2015 (it was around 100 days after I stopped masturbating and watching porn, I had been really addicted to them) there was a day that I started to feel terribly exhausted. I could feel like my muscles around my spine started to loosen up and moment later I just felt like my whole body just gave up. Suddenly I felt electric rush from the bottom of my spine to my head. My heart started pounding like crazy. I got up and after few minutes it just calmed down. After few hours I found information that it could be kundalini. I don’t think I had ever met this term before that day. So in May 2016 I went vegan. In the middle of June I noticed that I got really bad eye floaters. It really freaked me out. I was really scared and all I did was searching internet to find some kind of cure. I found out that I got these floaters because I had been taking B2 in big amounts and it can be toxic and can cause floaters. I also found some anecdotal evidence that going for a prolonged fasting can cure floaters. So I decided to go for at least 20 days fast. I did it and it actually didn’t help at all. For 20 days I drank only water. 2 days after I ended my fast I got really bad panic attack. Next day I called my mom and she took me back to my hometown. I moved back to my parents house. Whole January 2017 was really weird and spiritual experience. At least 2 nights a week I had some kind of clearing that I couldn’t control but was fully aware. I didn’t meditate or anything. Usually next day I felt really orgasmic and awesome. Many times especially when it was dark I was seeing white sparkles at the corners of my eyes. I was waking up almost every night between 3-5 AM and I was feeling that some kind of bad entities were watching me. I read a lot of spiritual material. I think it was the first month that I absolutely devoted all my time to kundalini, to work with it. At the beginning of February 2017 I had some downs. It was a really bad and intense time of my life. It was like almost every day I was just laying down in my bed and the thoughts of past bad deeds were coming to me. There were different kind of experiences during next 3 months. For example in the times where I couldn’t eat and drink I had this urge to spit a lot of saliva. I had heart palpitations. I could see energy. I could see light when I was closing my eyes. I had the feeling that I have to concentrate on my 3rd eye. I had headaches. I felt pressure in my forehead and on the crown of my head. I had ringing in the ears. I felt that world is going through big change. I was thinking about spirituality and how world should look like almost all the time. I always had to get to the right answer. After bad days there were coming also good days were I started feeling this sexual orgasmic feeling. When I felt like that I usually fitted my thoughts into this feeling. I had really weird sexual fantasies. During that time I was really anxious about everything. And there came the May of 2017 that was absolutely insane. I started to think about other people and things that I did to them. After dealing with my relations with people for two days I was completely exhausted. It was evening I was laying in my bed when suddenly I felt like my body just can’t go on. Despite all the adrenaline, my body just completely loosen up. I felt this energy that was going from my crouch into my head through my spine. My heart was pounding like crazy. It wasn’t like my previous kundalini experiences. I was completely awake and terrified. It was almost midnight. My thoughts were racing. Suddenly I started to have thoughts that I have to go outside. I started having these thoughts that I have to go the certain spot in the forest and that probably my “alien” family will be there waiting for me (this was probably from everything I read about whole earth awakening. It is said that creatures from space gathered here, now to help and earth move into higher plane). They weren’t there. After a while I started to have thoughts that I should hitchhike and go to some kind of drug addict facility and volunteered there (these thoughts probably appeared because of all the biblical texts about selfless servings to others). I had these thoughts to just leave everything now and go there in the middle of the night. I was terrified. I was considering hitchhiking if any of the cars were passing me by. I came back home. These thoughts about volunteering where vanishing but I still had these feeling, pounding heart and energy. I started having thoughts about making a big barbeque party for all my neighbors. I started to have these thoughts that were forcing me to make it as fearful as it can be for me. I was fighting these thoughts for hours. I couldn’t sleep. About 11 AM these feelings and thoughts started to vanish. Also the energy. I think I went to sleep around noon and slept for 2 hours. After I woke up I didn’t want to do it anymore. I felt quite normal. (just thinking about this event makes me anxious). There came these two days that changed everything. I started to have the same “energy awakening” that I had week or two weeks earlier. This time my thoughts were about leaving my house, selling everything and starting to live with homeless people in the city that I had been at the university. I couldn’t stop these thoughts. I went for a walk to the forest near my house and I remember that there was a moment that I felt like I was having heart attack. My heart was pounding so hard that I had to sit on the ground. I felt that I have to leave everything. I was terrified. I was struggling with it whole night. Every time I told myself that I won’t do it, I felt that I can’t breathe and had spasms. After not sleeping for whole night and started thinking that I really had to do this because if I don’t it won’t go away. I tried everything to calm down but I wasn’t able. I started watching a YouTube video from a guy who connects idea of psychosis with spiritual awakening. I had listened to his videos before. He told that when he had his “psychosis” he had to get naked in crowd of people and had peed himself. I’m not sure if I had these thoughts before listing to that video or after but from now on I was thinking about getting naked in public. I was terrified. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t take it anymore so I got naked in my house. I came to my mother and I asked her to hug me. She called ambulance. After talking with my parents they took me to the nearest psychiatrist hospital. In the afternoon I started to have this weird feeling. I was feeling that some kind of bad energy is in me. I started to feel really anxious. I asked nurses for some pills for calming down. It didn’t do anything. This feeling was growing. I started to think about killing myself. I went to the bathroom. I put two bags on my head and tied socks around my neck. I started to suffocate. Despite how horrible suffocation felt I didn’t stop because I wanted to die so much. I passed out. Someone tore apart the bags and I woke up. They gave me a shot and put in me restraining bed in isolated room. I remember that when they put me there I thought that this terrible feeling would never end. They gave me another shot. I calmed down a little bit. I fell asleep. I woke up at night I was still under effects of shots but I was quite conscious. I didn’t feel the horrible urge to kill myself tho. After two weeks I started having another “energy awakening”. I was thinking about getting naked in front of everybody. I went for a shot. It didn’t make much. After about half an hour I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I undressed myself completely in front of other patients. They put me in restraining bed. When I was laying there I felt quite peaceful but at the same time I didn’t feel 100% relieved. During first week in second psychiatric hospital (I got transferred after 8 weeks) I had this terrifying experience. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was feeling this energy on the top of my head that felt like total death and terror. It was very intense. I was feeling like I was dying. It went off after about half of a minute. I was very scared. That happened to me again also over 2 months later. When I got home I also wanted to get a job. But when I started searching job offers I started to feel pressure in my body and anxiety that I’m not supposed to do that. It’s like subconsciously I was afraid that this whole situation is still not resolved. So I try to distract myself as much as I can. I came back home from hospital almost 4 months ago Over 2 months ago I got back to the gym and this the thing that helps me out. On weekends I’m seeing my friends and I actually can enjoy it. Not 100% but it’s better than in the last months before I got into hospital. I don’t drink alcohol and I haven’t smoked weed since February 2017. I have really strong OCD (especially spiritual/ moral scrupulosity) from to time to time (I have one for about almost 4 weeks now). I still try not to masturbate. I haven’t masturbated in almost 2 months now. But I watched some porn lately. I feel that this messes up with my dopamine. I recently got back my OCD so I think that these 2 can be related. I also fantasied a lot during spiritual times. I was feeling this orgasmic energy but I also fantasied so this energy could move more efficiently and I had more control over it. I’m not sure that I should do that. I tried masturbation without porn but after orgasm I felt that energetically my right side of body gets “closed”. All this energy is usually in left side. Also when I got spasms before sleeping I usually get them in the left side of my belly. When I don’t masturbate I can feel that energy is building up inside me. It’s not that easy to control my thinking. I have more anxiety. My dominating emotions are anger and anxiety. I can hear humming noise in my head almost all the time. I’m just so tired of this. I have depression on and off for five years now. My family is really worried. I just want to get a job or money just so my parents don’t have to pay for my living. I’m really worried that if another “energy awakening” happens or some major incident (like floaters) happens I won’t be able to go through this. I just feel so stuck and tired. I can’t get free. I’m so much in my head. I’m constantly on edge because I’m afraid of another “energy awakening”. I never wanted this, never was interested in awakening. I knew that connection to God is important but not like this. If there is anything to stop it, tell me please. I just want to live regular live. There is so much stuff that I did during my most spiritual time that I haven’t found that anybody else was doing. It’s like I think I was forcing a lot. I found this blog that seems that is written by a really educated guy. He says that these kind of experiences happened because of wrong spiritual practices and imagining/thinking too much and it seems that this is all that I was doing for a long time. I tried advice that I found on the internet. Like walking barefoot, eating more meat and root vegetables, heavy lifting. That helped me but for short time. I started to feel energetic and I had motivation to create art but my libido kicked in and I masturbated (without porn or fantasy) once a week for few weeks and that mojo vanished. Maybe I shouldn’t masturbate and it would got even better but at the same time I should say that despite feeling better mentally there still was this fear. The most popular advices that I found are opening front channel for getting your energy from head to ground (or stomach or genitals, I can’t remember). But I haven’t tried it because I don’t want to mess up with energy again. I live in a small town in Poland and there are not any people that could help me with energy. There are no kundalini gurus or at least I haven’t found them yet. I also don’t have any money so I can’t go to place where I could found one. So what can I do? How I can stop it or reverse it? How I can live normal live again? What can I do if this “energy awakening” happen again? How I can calm it down? My longer story: http://awakeningforums.com/thread/999/kundalini-syndrome-psychosis-story-help

Do you mean I should keep thinking to wake up? When somebody says this I get defensive of not thinking, because my first problem arose because of long thinking when I was 13 (In 2000). I remember clearly, how I thought about life, existence, Allah (I was muslim), soul and etc several consequent days and jumped to a conlusion that there is no Allah, or any other extraordinary omnipotent power, there is no soul, nothing is sacred, we are just biologic creatures with mind. I was shocked. As if something very valuable disappeared inside me. I fell into emptiness. The fear took the whole me. I tried to kick those thoughts away, but could not. The following days I thought more and I could not understand why we are here, who am I, can I trust myself, what if everything is an illusion. Very freak thoughts came to my mind which I cant articulate well. When there is a period that I am very busy with something (material things), these thoughts dont come or come rarely. But since 2013 I feel terrible and on antidepressants. When I contemplate existential stuff, I get worse. Do you think, I should think no matter how I feel? I have been meditating since June and since December it seems I have decreased the amount of thinking and daydreaming. But have not seen any improvement in my mental state. Horrible. Constant pain. And I desperately want relief. When fear is overwhelming I panic, cry, beg. When fear is not that strong I embrace it. I embrace pain. Especially during meditation. My heart seems it will stop, but I go on. However neither pain nor fear disappear. Today I told myself I would not involve my mind until 1st March. So after that date I may start to think and seek answers. I was somehow successful in it. Although pain went up, I tried to stay in present moment and neglect mind, no matter how insecure I felt. But as soon as fear came, I tumbled down to my mind again in order to find immediate relief with the help of thinking. The worst is when I am outside, because even in such a situation I dont want to show my weakness to strangers (I care other people's opinion so much) and therefore fear doubles outside. I know why I need to answer my questions. I want to find absoluteness. So I wont get lost. I want to see the meaningfulness. I dont see meaning. But I guess I would not see meaning even if there was a God. I would still say why and feel discontent. I remember when I was 13 I imagined eternal life in heaven and got scared. I thought dying and not having a soul is better than eternal life. But actually when I feel terrible everything sounds scary to me. I am on treatment since 2013. I have seen two different psychotherapists. I want to neglect the pain and live my daily life outside of my mind, but it consumes my energy. Can anybody with a strong headache dance? Nor me with strong mental pain. What to do then? Meditation? Can I get better without enlightenment, or will I suffer until I get rid of ego (which I doubt will happen to me) ? Is it better to neglect mind completely until I am doing something related to my job? The more I neglect the mind, the worse I feel, sometimes a huge pain, which I think I wont handle. But it seems the only way to recover. Should I decrease mind day by day or stop it abruptly? I have quitted cigarette, cannabis, alcohol. Is quitting mind also like them? I have a huge emptiness inside me, which seems to produce fear. Yes I try to avoid pain and bad feelings. I try to focus on something else, because I am afraid I will not be able to handle those feelings. Are not all thoughts different and independent of each other? Should I believe in fairy tails, happy ends or live without expectations? Do you think existential thoughts are easily defined concepts? Actually sometimes I dont get those thoughts, but get those feelings that everything is alien, stranger. Everything is dark. I want to live so much. I think this is also a problem. I should face the possibility that I may suffer forever or may commit suicide. Eternal pain is sometimes inevitable.

hahaha love leo the alien

@ZX_man Nonsense. This is why we question dogma and think for ourselves rather than listening to Buddhist scriptures. "Man" or "Woman" is a false identity anyhow. What you are isn't a man or woman. And in fact, your consciousness is identical to that of every other living creature, from an ant to an elephant to a space alien. All of you are identical.

@Alien You answered your own question. If enlightenment is raw reality, and reality is infinite, well... there you have it. You can keep exploring it forever.

do, or do not. I'm so sick of trying. Trying to meditate every day for upwards of two years, only to have negative thoughts still get to me. I see thoughts as sensations, and yet, the negativity loves to sneak up and consume me anyway. Trying to be diligent in my daily yoga practice (which usually takes an hour) for the past three months, only to have my body fight back and lock up. My anxiety is insistent and never-ending. My body can't stop holding, as if it's saying, "You're not done yet, JJ. Not yet not yet not yet. Gotta do ____ and ____ and learn as much as you can so you can be a paragon for all to behold." Well, fuck you, body. I'm sick of it. Trying to fit into a society centered around shallowness and denying death. No one really cares what I have to say, nor do I have much of value to say. People value cat videos, not depth. Anything to anesthetize them from the gaping black hole in the center of their existence. Honestly, I envy them. At least they can fit in and live a normal life without having the burden of worrying about all this shit. At least they can have a nice dream. At least they don't have to feel like an alien, like an outsider. Trying to hold a job. I got rejected from a barista job, for fuck's sake. I lasted six weeks as a cashier. Even dog walking, a job that's perfect for my personality - I started to go crazy after six months and have to quit. That happened twice over two years. Trying to be friendly in front of everyone (can't help it - Fe extraverted feeling function of an infj). Putting on this mask for everyone around me, even my family. And the moment I try to open up to them, like last night: "It's all bullshit, JJ. Mind over matter! How could you say that?" This is what happens when I try to take off the mask. I get shot down. I can't be authentic in front of anyone, because it'll just scare them away. Then, fear of abandonment kicks in. Then, fear of not being able to support myself kicks in, because of the last point. So I feel trapped in that sense. Trying to be a friend, or maintain a friendship. I have a bunch of aquaintances that I hardly keep in touch with, and I had one friend for awhile, who I now also barely keep in touch with. So basically, no friends. Too much effort to be a friend. Too much effort to find someone out there in person who I can actually relate to without the mask. Trying to date. Ohhh, man, I could write for hours about this one. I get clingy and obsessive the moment I have a deeper connection, which drives me nuts, and it does the other person a disservice. Then fear of abandonment/rejection kicks in and sabotages due to Fe. Then the relationship turns into this: Full of second-guessing and brutal honesty. Then, the girl ends up rejecting me anyway, because there's no polarity, because I'm too passive, because I'm "too much of a wuss," as my brother says, because I implode and put all the blame on myself, because my body shuts down and I can't say anything more. Yeah. I'm sick of doing that. Makes sense why my body has unconsciously cut off circulation from the waist down. Trying to create stuff. The inner critic often kicks in and tries to filter everything I write. Especially the case with songwriting, though it's gotten better. Trying to make it all work. Because it's not working. Nothing feels like it's working. I feel better than ever in my body, mind, and spirit, but this "adulthood" thing still doesn't work for me.

@Alien Did you have an actual realization, or is it just mental masturbaton with concepts presented to you which might not be true?

@Alien You're from Lower Saxony? Me too! What a coincidence to find someone on this forum who's so close to me geographically, haha. But yeah, Leo's totally right bruh, even just a glimpse of it will completely turn your life upside down, you can be absolutely sure about that. I certainly don't claim to be fully enlightened but I can say that I've gone quite far down that road and let me tell you...pretty much every year post-enlightenment, you will be like "Who was that guy a year ago?", and then it will even turn into "Who was that guy just a month ago?", even though after a while you will always assume to be on top of the enlightenment-mountain because you think to yourself "How could this even get any better?!", but, it does get better continuously - it practically never stops which is the most beutiful thing about it.

@Alien Something tells me you will be extra pleased when you finally glimpse the Absolute

@Alien Well, of course, if you're into this work, that already makes you rather exceptional. My theory is, some people just naturally like to get their mind fucked. Those are the ones who gravitate towards nonduality. I'm like that. With that said, even though I love a good mindfuck, I also love my ego. So a tug-of-war must happen. The real test of how much you love a good mindfuck is: if there was a mindfuck so deep the only way you could glimpse it was by killing yourself, would you do it? The only reason you're gravitating towards it right now is because your mind doesn't really understand the extent of the mindfuck. You like little mindfucks. But you do not like big mindfucks which will totally obliterate you. The big mindfucks will take you totally by surprise, and it's good they do because otherwise you would probably never approach them. The whole problem here is that you are being asked to kill yourself. And of course you can't want that. 3 billion years of evolution are pushing their finger on the scale. But we can sucker you into it by having you believe that it won't be real death, but just like an mini "ego-death" -- which your mind can rationalize to itself as being "cool" and "good". But, then one day you will discover much to your shock -- No, we were talking about actual death! But then it will be too late. You will already be dead. And you will be pleased. But not in the way you expect. In other words, we have to use the mind's self-deceptions against itself to escape itself.