• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited


About billiesimon

  • Rank
    - - -

Personal Information

  • Gender

Recent Profile Visitors

1,897 profile views
  1. On psychedelics I tend to keep my ego, but it becomes merged and unified with the other forms Really amazing sense of love and unity. Do you get the same experience?
  2. Totally related to the memory suppression. Ego is all based on mental talk and beliefs, memories etc... In this sense dissos are better than psychs, which are amazing in feeling the true Self instead; the consciousness behind reality. Generally with disso I feel no-self, and with psychs I feel oneness and every perception tends to be ME.
  3. That's exactly the feeling I mean I can guarantee you that when the ego started to come back, I was feeling like I would be stuck in formlessness FOREVER. I know that on a material level the substance should subside and let you come down after some time.... but I'm pretty sure that you can disappear once your sense of oneness is too powerful. The material level is just a byproduct of ego-mind/low cosciousness. I clearly felt that there was no material level at all..... I have NOWHERE to return, no form to return to.... It's that shocking I'm seriously happy that I came back.
  4. Mh... I can attest that in my case dissos are very very powerful with plugging. I don't need high doses to hit strong experiences.
  5. Well, there are experientially several levels of awakening. God realization is just the highest. Atman, No-self, Love, etc are all levels of awakening. Atman is just the individual awakening, when you FEEL deeply that you exist and that existence is timeless, you are awareness. God realization is the end goal of awakening, it's Brahman, the First Principle of existence. Note: I've only had Atman and No-self levels of awakening. I don't have any experience with God-awakening. But Atman is real, on a relatively-nondual paradigm. It's beyond the ego, and it's your "personal" dimension of oneness.
  6. Brahman is the singularity, or God, yes. But Atman is real, it's just a lower form of awakening. It's the feeling of eternal existence/awareness. It's just a basic form of awakening/realization.
  7. I have used almost only plugging. I have found that 2 ml small syringes are best. In my experience going all the way inside is the most powerful, because once you sit back again the liquid is going to drip down again, causing more absorption along the descent press hard and fast. All drops must be sent in the intestine with precision.
  8. From my small experience with psychedelics and dissociatives, oral is very different from plugged in experience. Generally plugging has low body load and lesser negativity/anxiety. But it's also powerful and sometimes hardcore.
  9. Religions are just rules and generic principles taken from enlightened masters, but they are not even close to the truth.
  10. Very interesting phenomenon. Never heard about something like this. But sometimes it can happen naturally. I've had weird shifting experiences while waking up from my sleep, so it might be related to these altered states of consciousness.
  11. It depends on the user, for every psychoactive substance. In my case it's very warm and comforting, but it causes amnesia and ego loss too. Amazing story. But don't trip in front of relatives, or it's going to cause you trouble.
  12. Yes Leo I've read several trip reports before trying it out.
  13. Yeah, dissociatives tend to create similar experiences of void and neutral peace. Psychedelics are more fit for exploring The Self and god consciousness
  14. Well, this trip has really evoked a lot of post-trip fear and existential anxiety in me.... even though I've already had the dark night of the soul a year ago. Yet I'm still shocked by this experience, even though it's generally positive and enriching. I've taken a small-medium dose of MXiPR, a warm and friendly dissociative, with no body load and no monkey mind or mind-load. It's very clean and warm, soft. But it seems to have struck a very powerful no-self awakening which has shocked me, even though the experience was peaceful. In the aftermath my identity was completely shocked and terrified of disappearing, even though I was already back. The Experience I was lying near the park in my car to enjoy the green view, and decided to plug rectally the dissociative. On empty stomach. Calm mood, relaxing music, calm mind. In 5 minutes the disso was working, and I started to feel very warm, soft, calm, and anesthetized. My mind was becoming more and more silent and still. My body started slowly to lose "definition" in its sensations. Even though they were still there. At around 10-15 minutes my mood was very calm and content, a lot of soft warmness was calming my body down, along with the chillout music. The Perfect No-Self At around 20 minutes, something changed DRASTICALLY, SUDDENLY. I lost completely track of my mind, my memory completely disappeared, my emotions were completely fused into a singular feeling of "calmness". Just that. The mind slowly disappeared, and the sense of ego-self abruptely went out. What remained? It was just perceptions. Just perceptions, no emotions, no thoughts, no ego, NO TIME. JUST PERCEPTIONS I was completely still. Actually there was no "I", not even the True Self (which I have felt in other awakenings). There wasn't even The Self.... No God, no Ego, No Mind. Nothing. IT WAS PURE VOID, PURE ABSOLUTE ETERNAL VOID. So, who was AWARE OF THIS VOID? NOBODY WAS AWARE OF THE VOID!!!! The perceptions were LITERALLY fluctuating in empty space!!!! Sounds of cars, sound of the music, images of the park, images of the sky. They were all that existed. And these "forms" were totally empty of life, empty of meaning, empty of a perceiver. There was no perceiver, no awareness. Yet these perceptions were floating and being here and now. The Return into Form/Ego After around 20 minutes of total perfect and absolute Anatman (No-Self), SOMETHING EMERGED from the emptiness. It was Mind. For the first time in my life, I have witnessed Mind emerge from the black emptiness of existence. It was something incredible. marvellous and mighty. Mind is so powerful, it is the powerful force which creates LIFE. Life is created by the tool called Mind, which shapes and creates a mental construction we call life and identity. I witnessed this PRIMORDIAL THOUGHT emerging from the darkness of the Void, and it started to ROAR in this empty awareness. "I want to live my life, I want to get back into my form!" "I want to live my life, I want to get back into my form!" "I want to live my life, I want to get back into my form!" "I want to live my life, I want to get back into my form!" It repeated itself so many times, and the more that it repeated itself, the more I felt that I was somehow a human being, I started to remember that I have always believed to be a human, and that I wanted to carry on being a human. I started to panick, and felt my eyes tear up with water. "Please, I want to get back to form, I'm not ready to disappear, I'm still young! Please don't dissolve me, please, I AM WILLING TO GET BACK INTO THIS MENTAL FORM!!! THIS IS MY WILL AND I DECIDE RIGHT NOW TO GET BACK INTO FORM!!! THIS IS MY WILL, THIS IS MY WILL DONE!!!" I started to feel that I could move my body. Mind started to get a hold of my body and I remembered how to move it. "YES!!! I AM BACK IN FORM!!" I was so happy, so happy, so grateful to enjoy my form once again. I was really disappeared. I had disappeared. And then luckily mind returned here and now to remember this form. I was REALLY SURE that I was going to disappear FOREVER. For Eternity. I am not joking, guys. I feel like I was really close to disappear forever... had I not willed so DIVINELY and mightly to come back. I literally felt like my will was the WILL OF GOD for an instant. I'm pretty shocked by the experience, but still... I feel it was a huge progress in my awareness. Namaste.
  15. Thanks for the detailed explanation I'm still working on it. I also have regular moments of chaos and confusion where I feel that I know absolutely nothing and that it makes no sense that my mind is looking for "a sense" or understanding. It's total chaos sometimes The Self, or Atman/Brahman, is my main awakening constant, and also the most available in a sober state. I deeply feel my existence and the mystery of witnessing perceptions. I realize how identity is just thought structure and not being. The Self is existence. Which is different from thinking about existing. But forms are still a problem because i feel the self as something formless and permanent, underneath perceptions, prior to perceptions. Forms are somehow "irrelevant" when I feel the Self. That's where I'm at, and it definitely started with hardcore observation of everything, sight, sound, feel, thoughts, emotions etc, until I found that there's a deeper entity than those. I'm also surprised by the fact that it is not so difficult to feel