Vitamine Water

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  1. I totally feel you man. The mind starts to attract this stuff like a magnet. At first you're like "ahh that's no big deal", but a few moments later you've almost spilled your milk. Traps everywhere, we have to keep our eyes open. You're doing great!
  2. Day 44: difficult Same day as yesterday, but we're hanging in there! I have had a lot of thoughts today about what it would be like not have this nofap challenge (normal mode). But I know that that would only give me short time pleasure. If feel much OK I can't get rid of this YouTube video on the mobile version hahaha I somehow copy pasted it in here, god knows how. Check it out tho, it's a weird but cool vid
  3. The book of not Knowing, by Peter Ralston. I'm taking it very slowly, there are alot of golden nuggets in there.
  4. Day 43: fire I'm writing this because its getting real HOT down there. I might also have glimpsed at some forbidden content. I'm being totally open and honest. The mind is such a tricky thing. But now I have my book in front of me and I'm going to start reading. And I'm trying to pull this energy I got up my spine. Right now as I'm doing it I can feel tingling sensations around the solar plexus/sacral chakra area. Focus focus focus!
  5. Day 42: relatively easy More fantasies and thoughts are building up. But no desire to actually masturbate or watch porn. It's like I'm physically not able to do it because I know it's not worth it, 42 days in. I have absolutely have no reason to relapse (it's called "relapse" for a good reason ) Its kind of the same with when I stopped eating meat (January this year). Sometimes a desire to eat meat comes up (for example when I'm hungry and someone is eating a hamburger) but you don't act on it. You stick to your goals, without excuses. After that, it becomes effortless.
  6. Day 41: easy All knowing is ego. Even this very insight itself is ego. All I have to do is open my eyes and look. Look, but without looking. It's in the way of itself.
  7. I'm very low at budget at the moment so I can't afford it.. I fixed it before for free but now it seems to not work. @Shin yea, that's exactly what I did. I fixed a lot of errors in safe mode but they seem to spawn new ones which is really frustrating. I'm looking for a new video card but I'm tight on budget good idea to post it somewhere on a technical form. Maybe I'll call Microsoft after the weekend. Tnx @youngshinzen hahah fact!!
  8. Day 40 easy I'm having more fantasies compared to yesterday. Maybe because things haven't been going so well today. My pc is broken and I can't get it to run properly (windows is killing me). So I'm a little bit more agitaded. And I think my mind is looking for a sort of "reward" for the hard work (even though I had almost zero result). So it's time for meditation. Silence is in the end always the best reward for the mind. Ow and PS, If someone has any experience with installing a windows system, safe mode, booting, blue screens and errors, please let me know! I'm super duper fucked.
  9. And I also notice that the sexual urges come in phases. Before this, I thought nofap was getting harder and harder each day and that you'll literally expload on day 30. Now you just kind of pass a threshold where nofap becomes effortless. And then it comes back, you struggle, and the cycle repeats. Interesting. Maybe these "plateau" moments are going to last longer, I don't know. We'll see.
  10. Day 39: easy Whoops, I skipped one day. Maybe it's because there isn't much interesting happening atm. SSDD as they say It's a weird phase tho. I don't feel sexually attracted to anything that would normally get me aroused. Like not even slightly. It's just hanging there. Even when I showered this morning (and I was home alone) not even one thought came up. I tried to wake him up but he was just not interested. Lol. What I also notice is that I don't really get looks back from girls, which used to happen on previous no fap attempts. Normally within a week or so I could feel the resonating energy, which some girls seemed to be picking up. But I haven't really had that on this attempt. No desire to watch porn too. More energy to work on my paintings. Still doing the 30 minute reading in the evenings. Qi-Gong still on and off.
  11. Day 37: easy Yesterday evening I started reading the book of not knowing by Peter Ralston, at 11 pm. I went to bed at 12 which felt nice. I had 8 hours of sleep. I've been wanting to read it for quite some time now but I didn't feel ready untill now. 30 minutes a day is the goal. What I didn't do from my list was the one minute cold shower. I was too lazy and felt too comfortable in the warm water, so I only did 10 seconds of cold water.
  12. May the force be with you
  13. "Whats needed is not the addition of a new activity, but a change in the foundation from which all our actions arise." Peter Ralston
  14. Day 36: easy Oh yeah, forgot to mention yesterday. I started doing cold showers again. Slowly increasing the amount of time I spend in ice cold water. For now I can only last 10 seconds I want to get back to 4-5 minutes, because that gave me so much power. Pushing yourself past that initial shock of cold water.. Love it haha. Tomorrow morning I'll aim for one minute. Terminator mode. Fapping or porn isn't even on my mind rn. I'm building more and more awareness, which is really nice.
  15. Day 35 I feel way less urge to PMO for the last few days. I can't recall even one moment of sexual thought or fantasy today. I do notice an increase in social interaction skills, especially talking to people. I saw a YouTube video about interacting with girls last week in which the speaker talked about being genuinely interested in the person you're talking too. Now, I'm not a guy who's always uninterested in the other person. I just have a hard time with small talk and - for the lack of a better word - "lower consciousness" talks (you know what I mean). So I've been working on that lately and I find myself being more comfortable talking and asking questions to people I normally wouldn't ask questions to. It feels good. But there is still a lot of work to do to be completely comfortable in my skin. "Stop identifying with you all the time" as Alan Watts would say.