Forestluv

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About Forestluv

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  1. Your friend has created a construct of absolute infinity which includes four components: 1) infinity includes “things” ,2) consciousness is awareness of things, 3) being conscious of this infinity would mean being aware of all things, 4) humans have a limit to what things they can be conscious of. . . Within the construct your friend created, they are correct: a human mind could not be conscious (aware) of all things. There are many other constructs that could be created. For example, rather than “consciousness” meaning human awareness - we could create a construct in which “consciousness” is Everything (which is the same as Nothing). Now imagine a space of Nothing in which any thing can exist and appear. Here, the Awareness is not knowing and understanding every single thing that exists within infinity (your friend’s construct). Rather, the Awareness is of the infinite nature itself - both known and unknown to a human mind. Here, there is awareness that a human is within infinity and that a human mind knows of a subset of things within infinity. Within this construct, it is irrelevant whether the human mind knows about a thing, can explain a thing or understands a thing. In terms of things, a human mind would have knowledge / understanding of a minuscule percentage of infinite things (0.000000000000. . . . . .%. An infinite number of zeros). Yet there is awareness of the infinite nature itself.
  2. I haven't taken 5-meo-dmt for over a year, perhaps two years. Over the last week a got a sense it's time. Mind, body and spirit felt aligned toward it. I didn't even know if my stash in the refrigerator was even good anymore. So I decided to take 20mg - a dose that used to have a moderate effect on me. In the past, 5-meo would dissolve everything into a state of clarity, a space of emptiness, of omniscience. Yet last night was very different. It was sooo different than ordinary reality. I can't create context with it because there is nothing similar here. It was like an alien world. From a human perspective, the ramp up was ok. There was moderate physical discomfort, probably due to having a full stomach. Yet no mental struggles. Yet in terms of awareness the deepest part was mostly a black out. There was very little cognitive awareness. It wasn't until the come down that awareness began to return. There was awareness of so much, so unique. It felt like too much expansiveness, uniqueness. Thought arose that the mind cannot handle this much and the mind-body began to get anxious that it couldn't be handled. New awareness that there is a "me" and a "normal" mindspace somewhere. That "me" desired to return to it - yet the mind-body was unable to. There was a space in which psychosis entered and anything could have happened. The anxiety increased and I was very close to spiraling downward into an insane panic zone. One thing that got me grounded, was an arising awareness that these are temporary effects that will wear off. Before this time, there was no sense of time. Yet now there was awareness that I was under the influence of a chemical which will wear off. Or, we could say that mental imagery / story was created. I looked at my watch: it was 9:23pm. Thoughts arose that this is 5-meo and the effects will lessen rapidly - perhaps in 10min, so hold on. It's amazing how much this helped the mind-body to settle down. There was a desire to do something normal to get grounded - like yoga. Yet I jut couldn't get into a semi-comfortable space. Once there was a sense of being somewhat together, there was a desire to go outside for a walk. Then, I knew I was returning ok and there were thoughts like "Oh, my god. Wow! Oh, my god". Everything in this normal reality was seen differently. It seemed so odd that I live immersed in this reality and interact with it - as if that's all there is. . . There was a sense of gratitude that I was able to explore so far in consciousness. There was a sense of knowing that I ventured to a place very very few minds have. There is a sense of grounded confidence when I speak to others of mind and forms of reality - it's not theory. There is a sense of knowing that comes with direct experience. From a personal perspective, most of the trip was in a blackout zone. And, most of the space with presence of mind was uncomfortable. Yet there was also something so fascinating and curious to an explorer of consciousness. Tonight, I do it again at half the dose. I'm curious if half the dose will give me access to last nights "realm" yet also allow presence of mind and a settled mind-body.
  3. I just realized I projected something I value onto another. I highly value awakenings that are transcendent and integrative. Yet for others, their intention may be realizations related to personal development and practical life issues. I'm usually very in tune with encouraging others along their own path, whatever that may be. It's interesting to watch how my mind assumed that what I value is of inherent value. My intentions were good, yet I was on the wrong wavelength.
  4. @Scholar Thank you for reminding me that there are various flavors of "breakthrough". As you can sense, I'm oriented toward transcendent realizations. It's good to hear that you had breakthroughs relative to your intention of life purpose. I hope it continues to be a good tool for you.
  5. @Scholar The reason I returned and posted on the forum again was because I read your thread, reaching out during your trip. I got the sense you were on the verge of a major breakthrough and wanted to assist if I could. It turns out I was wrong. I wish you the best.
  6. When the self of self melts and becomes fluid, it can flow into new spaces - like a river. In my mind space, there is awareness of patterns that arise - like certain types of behavior. For example, there is a pattern of uncomfortable feelings associated with being the center of attention in public spheres. As well, there is a pattern of opening up deeply with someone I resonated with. Even if I just met that person. However, there is no longer a self that identifies with those arisings. For example, there is no engagement with thoughts like "I don't like attention in public" or "I like to have deep conversations with others". Those thoughts may appear and I can say those things to others, yet the identification isn't there. And even if identification appeared, there is awareness of it. The lack of identification opens up expansive space for exploration. Identification goes very deep into both conscious and subconscious mind spaces. What I describe next is quite simple, yet not easily accessible. . . If a mind space is not attached to a personal identity, it opens the possibility of many personal identities to arise. . . And curiosity is a key to experiencing and exploring that. For example, I watched a documentary about a woman with multiple personalities. I got so curious what that was like. Having a fluid mind means that the mind state of "me" watching "her" can exist or cease to exist. . . The next day, I was hiking in nature and the mind space was clear. Then, different aspects of personality began to arise. If there was a strong sense of "me" these personality appearances would have seemed foreign and invasive. There might be anxiety and arising thoughts like "Where are these bizarre voices in my head coming from? How do I make them stop? Am I going crazy?". Yet with a fluid, curious mind those appearances are allowed to exist without resistance or fear. The allows for an experience of a mind with multiple personalities. . . Here, the mind's eye can learn what the experience is like and to observe how the mental dynamics work. One thing I've learned is that there can be traps within personality dynamics. I have a good sense of being trapped within what would be considered "insane". It takes skill to enter that space and not get trapped. The trick is how deep I go. At first, I'd just dip my toes in then pull out. Yet over time, my mind has become fluid enough to let that personality structure go as well. It's sorta like having a dream in which you dream that you have multiple personalities. You wake up shaking and in tears because it was so real and you still believe you are insane. Then the mind realizes "Oh, it was just a dream. What a relief". Then there is a miraculous shift to the regular personality and there is no lasting effect. The person moves on with their day. Sometimes, I can do that in regular awake life. There is a "dream" during the day that becomes real - there is no questioning it - just like you wouldn't question whether is dream is real while sleeping.
  7. Eight years ago. Yet I've tripped many, many times since then. So I don't know if the contraction within a logical mindset would have eventually returned if I never tripped again. . . However, the second trip was about two months later and the consciousness shift was maintained. People that knew me were asking "What happened to you?". They sorta recognized "me", yet also recognized something was very different. Some were very curious, others were disturbed. There were still some personality traits that persisted and I still had access to logical perspectives that I was previously was contracted within. To this day, I still have access and some of those logical creations are beautiful - like art. Yet they also have walls and sharp edges - that always get revealed to me. I quickly lose patience and interest with a mind that is confined within logic.
  8. Things rings true in my experience and observations. . . I was hardwired as logical before my first trip. I accidently overdosed 10X on that first trip and went so deep that the logical perspective was destroyed and couldn't be rebuilt. You write about how there is no difference between trip and regular reality - this knowing / wisdom / embodiment can go very deep. As you are likely aware, it's not a logical understanding. I've seen so many logical types take ownership and contextualize a trip as an experience into their logical dream perspective. Here, the mind creates logical explanations of how dream and regular reality is the same - yet that isn't the deeper knowing / wisdom / embodiment. For logical types, it does seem that repetitive high doses may be necessary. I've also noticed that if a logical mindset isn't smashed early, it can adapt and become stronger. If the mind can take ownership and contextualize a trip into it's previous logical narrative - it gets stronger - like a boxer that gets knocked out and then develops stronger defenses and resistance. In hindsight, I was fortunate to have accidently overdosed. Regarding immense suffering. . . Those early trips involved some wonderfully blissful spaces - yet also some extremely difficult spaces as consciousness was being transformed. There are mind-body spaces so extraordinary it can put immense stress on the mind and body, including insanity zones. There was a time period of two weeks in which I couldn't work, drive a car or be around human beings. If so, I would have been put in a psychiatric unit. The only spaces I could dwell was solitary in my house and solitary in nature. Conscious awareness and embodiment of a unified reality can open doors to areas few minds have access - yet there can also be issues from the perspective of regular human reality. Mind spaces can arise in which there is no distinction between tripping, dreaming and regular reality. For me, it initially caused intense anxiety and sometimes panic. I'd be at work and be unable to tell if this was a trip, dream or regular reality. . . Over time, I've learned to flow with it - yet it can some skill. Sometimes I need to create distinctions and modify behavior.
  9. If you have freebase and a dry herb vape, vape it t 430+ degrees. Smooth as silk. To prevent 5meo residue from clogging my vape, I sprinkle the 5meo on some type of herb
  10. That’s awesome. I’ve had those as well. No entry fee needed? ?
  11. You didn’t fully breakthrough on your last trip. If you continue with psychedelics, I’ll be curious to see how a true breakthrough trip unfolds for you. I’m talking about a breakthrough so deep there is no return to dwelling within the previous mind structure. You haven’t gone there yet. And you may choose to never go there. . . There is a price to pay. ?
  12. @Scholar I’m not disagreeing with the constructs you’ve created. There is truth and value within those constructs. There is infinite exploration within that structure, yet for me it’s also limiting on other planes of expansion. My mind is highly fluid, so I don’t resonate with definitions and statements of what is, is. To me, everything you stated of what IS above, is true within that framework. Yet it can also be dissolved, partially or fully. And then re-molded into many different forms. I’m not saying you are wrong or another view is more right or better. This thought below gives strong contrast among mindspaces. First, this assumes a knowing of meaning for another. How do you know my meanings of “imagination” and “existence”? I’m not saying you are wrong. I’m saying it is a contracted mindspace. The idea is followed by a lengthy description of a structure to hold imagination and existence. There seems to be a lot of insights within that structure. I’d actually like to play around with some of the points you make, yet your descriptions seem very very restrictive. To me, there is a lot of rigid “this is how it is”. It’s brilliant within an area, yet it’s not how my mind works. My mind doesn’t like to dwell within solid constructs. It likes to continually create, de-create and re-create. Being beholden within a mind structure is like being in prison to me.
  13. Haha, yes. Years ago, I was a scientist trying to imagine being a mystic. Now I’m more of a mystic pretending I’m a scientist at work. So far my colleagues haven’t caught on to my act, yet they are vaguely aware something is going on behind the curtain.