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About eleveneleven

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  1. Yeah, I used to feel that way a lot. Nowadays, I still do sometimes, but it diminishes with experience--not really with skill per se, just with the experience of getting used to people consuming my work. The truth is that you will never be "good enough" because different people will get different kinds of value from your work. Some will think it sucks no matter what; others will think it's a masterpiece no matter what. It's all very relative. There is no such thing as "perfect," and in fact you can make money creating relatively unpolished works that people will still greatly appreciate (especially if it's a niche thing they can't find anywhere else). A lot of writers are paralyzed for years, obsessing about the merit of every word they write and hiding their work from people because they are afraid of judgment. A lot of writers think that it's unethical to sell anything less than "perfect." But this is just pedestalizing ones work. These writers are the ones that rarely or never produce a finished work that anyone can enjoy in the real world. You will be judged for your work no matter what, by all kinds of people with all kinds of ridiculous standards. None of it is objective (even your own opinion). None of it has any ground to it. The work will never be above criticism (no matter how much you "improve" it) because people will both love and criticize anything for any reason. Think of a recent book (especially fiction) that a lot of people think is crap, but that sold well anyway. (For an extreme example, let's consider 50 Shades of Grey or some chick literature like that.) Why did it sell well? Was it because people were "tricked" into buying an inferior product? No, it's because a lot of people like that sort of thing and so they happily paid for it knowing full well what it was. It didn't matter that other people made fun of it; the people who don't like it aren't the target audience and would not have bought it anyway. People don't buy a book because it is perfect or the author is a genius; they buy because they're into the subject. As long as it's readable (not full of typos and other obvious mistakes that take the reader out of the zone) and it appeals to the target audience, don't worry about it. If you're concerned about ripping people off, then set the expectation of what they're getting ahead of time. Offer samples of your work. Be very clear, so there's no question about what they're getting. As long as you're clear and you give the audience what they expected, what does it matter how "good" the work is? You will naturally improve over time. That basically takes care of itself, so don't worry about it too much. My advice: Write the work, edit it to a reasonable degree, and then put it out there as fast as possible, so that you can move onto the next one. Don't get too attached to a single work. Keep moving, keep improving. If it sucks, it sucks. See it through to reasonable completion and polish, then move on. Don't put your work on a pedestal or it will be hard to improve. Ideally, you will eventually view people reading your work as something mundane. This takes time and acclimation, though. Beware of the impulse to be perfectionist, which is really just fear of judgment in disguise. Good luck.
  2. So I think this might be because I've been trying to catch up on the blog videos at night. I had a dream that I was climbing up a woodsy mountainside, in search of something. Leo was somewhere near the top of the mountain. It felt like he lived there in some kind of semi-isolation. I don't remember the details very well, but we started talking. There may have been some other people there (I got the sense that he might have been a guru with followers), but eventually we were alone, and then he started trying to get all handsy with me, if you know what I mean. And I was like, "Uh...I didn't know you were gay." (I'm a guy.) And he said something like, "When you're enlightened, there is no 'straight' or 'gay.'" So yeah, I left, because he's not really my type (no offense). Maybe this is an omen and has some kind of symbolic meaning.
  3. "I think Stage Green is too extreme. They don't know what they're doing. They're less developed. They don't understand that we have enemies to fight." - person who is probably in Stage Blue / Orange. You're still making enemies out of people, so of course Stage Green people will seem weird / weak / irrational to you. Their strategies will seem like they're coming from a bunch of pansy hippies who are unrealistic and don't acknowledge real dangers in the world. But you see, as one goes up the spiral, there is less ego, and with less ego, there is less danger. There is no "strong country." There is no country. (But just to clarify, I do get what you're saying. Being Stage Green doesn't mean you don't act or that you don't set boundaries to address the poor behaviors of others--on a micro and macro level. There are also "Stage Green" extremists who behave violently to defend their politics, but I would say this is a neurotic side to green common to very young people and not universal. What I mean is that a hallmark of green is that the us-vs-them, good-and-evil mentality begins to dissolve.)
  4. There's something about that guy that always came off as really phony to me, like he was trying very hard all the time to seem like he knew what he was talking about (as well as macho, I guess). Not surprised to hear that he's into the whole red pill thing. (But for some people, the red pill stuff is a step up from where they were before, so that may not be a bad thing. Could be worse.) I used to watch some of his videos, but I think the thing that made me start to actively avoid them was a clickbait thumbnail he made on a video about masturbation, lol. I found it comical (he screenshot himself at a point in the video where he was making a random face that could easily be mistaken for orgasmic ecstasy), but I just couldn't take the guy seriously after that. It looked like the thumbnail to a gay porn.
  5. Don't replicate. Don't try to make up for what you lost. Make something different. The universe is different from how it was when you created that work, so the work also has to be different now. You are also different now. Sucks that you lost the product of being in that creative mode, but don't miss the point here: the creative mode is an end in itself. Get in the creative mode to be in the creative mode.
  6. So I was on an Alanis Morissette kick this week, and I thought I'd share. Most people know her for her early stuff, but she's actually a rather thoughtful songwriter. I find her particularly interesting because her evolution from Orange to Green and probably to Yellow shows markedly in her work since her songs are so introspective. You can actually follow this profound change like a timeline from Jagged Little Pill (late stage Orange, emerging into Green) all the way to Havoc and Bright Lights (late stage Green, possibly emergence of stage Yellow), over the course of around 20 years. It's fascinating to me how the stage of consciousness colors the content and perspective of the work. One of her songs, "Citizen of the Planet" (2008) perfectly illustrates Stage Green values to me: "My president is Guanyin." Hahaha. Then there is "Lens," (2012) which illustrates the multi-perspective nature of Yellow: Bonus - You can also check out "Thank U," if you have not heard it before. It's the song that emerged immediately after a profound spiritual experience that seemed to allow her to integrate Stage Green, and it really shows: There are some other artists I've noticed where I can see the change in stages over time, but few as obvious as this person. If you've noticed similar patterns in someone else, feel free to share!
  7. Yeah, man, that's true. If it wasn't for the Internet (not forums so much; Youtube mostly), I may not have realized what was happening to me when I started to stretch into the next stage. Beyond "This is how you induce an experience that makes you question duality: Step 1...", though, I kind of have to question the usefulness of forums. The forums just end up reminding me of the endless dialogue back and forth in my mind (which is why I come here sometimes, I guess; I can pretend it's not just me talking to me because there are a bunch of different names besides my own, haha).
  8. Around where I live now (PNW), they are not hard to come by at all. I don't usually tend to label people by their stages in day-to-day life, but there are some hallmarks (in my perception) to what I would call a "Stage Green" person: Concern for the environment / long-term sustainability (this is the biggest sign of Stage Green) Empathy for people who are less fortunate Not buying the delusion that everyone is born on equal economic footing / trying to remedy inequality Seeing other cultures besides ones own as valid The first inklings that humans are part of a larger organism Interest in decentralization, governing locally, governing face-to-face, etc Putting human beings above money An emphasis on fairness and equality; a person's humanity is primary Fledgling interest in spirituality; people can get "woo-woo" at this stage; lots of Stage Green people meditate Rediscovering feminine energy after its long suppression during stages Red, Blue, and Orange Emphasis on healthy food, lifestyle, long-term good practices for self and community These are the good things that come with Green, but of course each one of those can become neurotic, too. I see that where I live as well. For example, blaming majority groups for sins of the past against minorities; blaming men in general for victimizing women; self-hatred or hatred of humanity for the way the environment and animals are treated; anger left over from the traumas that came in the excesses of Stage Orange. These are all open wounds from Orange that have not healed yet. Where I live, people are experiencing a lot of the above, and open discussion of mental illness / treating trauma with entheogens is common. They are still shaking off the more extreme consequences of Stage Orange (but that extremeness is what caused Stage Green to emerge in the first place). Stage Yellow people, to me (again, this is just my perception) are markedly different in some key ways. For one, they are extremely non-judgmental compared to all the other stages before, including Green. For example, Green might not judge a foreign culture, but they'll judge their own culture for judging that foreign culture. Green wants all people to be treated equally, except for racist people, sexist people, etc (which is a contradiction; the empathy is conditional). Like the other stages before it, Green will take its own moral standards for granted. (A lot of militant vegans are Stage Green, for instance.) Yellow tends to be more morally flexible and takes a more nuanced approach. Green might get mad and judgmental towards country bumpkins for voting for Trump, for instance, while Yellow will try to understand the perspective of the country bumpkin to figure out why they voted for Trump. You can often find Green people in non-hierarchical organizations trying to better the community or preserve the environment. They volunteer a lot. You can find them at meditation centers a lot, too. Yellow people are harder to come by, but your best bet is a spiritual community. In my experience, the people who I have met who have smatterings of Yellow had some kind of spiritual experience that broke off a big part of the ego and made them realize that the lower stages lived inside of them in oneness (so there was no reason to judge). (Though also be aware that some Stage Yellow people are subtle about their non-judgement in order to strategically avoid triggering Green, so you may not realize they are Yellow. "Oh, those people in the South are only doing what they think is right by voting for conservatives. They might need to go through that before they realize what they're doing." does not sit well with Green.)
  9. You care enough to low-key talk shit about him and how unenlightened he is, while also making sure to mention that you don't actually watch his videos. (For what? So that everyone knows you don't watch them?) There are plenty of places to talk about non-duality on the Internet; don't see why you would go to one owned by someone you don't like, full of people who watch his videos. Actually, I don't know why people even bother talking about non-duality on the Internet. We just end up with conversations like these.
  10. This thread is dumb. One guy says, "Look at this person who used psychedelics in a really extreme way and is having hella ego backlash. This obviously means that all psychedelic use is bad!" Then other people who are like, "You are not awakened." "No, I'm more awake than you." "No I am!" Can we all just take a more nuanced approach for God's sake? Psychedelics totally work. You only have to take them and experience them for yourself to see that they do. However, their effects (just like other spiritual technologies) can come on very fast if you're too extreme with them, and your ego might not be able to integrate what you experienced in that case. But this isn't unique to psychedelics. This happened to a friend of mine who was using several spiritual technologies at once (none of them psychedelic at the time) and had a very intense, even traumatizing experience that still marks him to this day. His ego was not prepared. You don't have to use psychedelics to work on your spiritual growth, but they are an option, especially if you're someone who has trouble getting into certain states, and without an entheogen you may have never even known what was possible. I think people are just biased against them because they are "artificial," but that's just a concept, a social construct. Whether you're meditating or taking mushrooms or whatever, it's all part of one singular reality. The mushrooms, or 5-MEO, or LSD or whatever are just as much a part of your brain as your brain is.
  11. Excellent. Do what you need to do to tap into infinite love. Not sure why there's other folks on here trying to piss on your parade with concepts and abstractions and reasons for why what you experienced wasn't unconditional love. All that doesn't matter. You experienced what you experienced. If you can have that on a regular basis, it can go a long way to helping you expand your consciousness.
  12. Oh, I see. If you're just here to agitate people's demons for the sake of agitation, then I can get behind that, bruh. Carry on, carry on. I reckon people call others delusional because maybe they see some of themselves in that person. Projection, you know. Though I don't go around calling people delusional myself, I can understand the sentiment. Whenever I see someone making the same mistakes that I did back when I was at a similar point in the journey--mistakes that seem so obvious to me now from this better vantage point--sometimes I get the irrational desire to smack them. I still haven't gotten past that stage yet. I dunno when I will. I point at people, too. As for why people call it "nothingness" or say that the truth is that we're "nothing" is because...that's one word for it, I guess. Personally, when I experience reality most acutely, one of the first things I notice is the lack of something that was there before. The voice stops talking. My brain stops editorializing. I start to get the sensation (not the thought, not the feeling) that there's space where "I" should be. Calling it "nothing" is just one way to call it. It either makes sense to someone or it doesn't. But of course it's silly to think that telling someone that they're "nothing" will help them see this at all. People really should respect all stages of the journey and realize that the only way to move through them is with personal experience. This is why I think debates are kind of pointless. Words can only vaguely, vaguely, VAGUELY approximate, so how do we even know that we're talking about the same things?
  13. Allow me to translate: "How dare you point to this subjective experience by using [specific phrase/concept]! Because of my personal experience in how I've heard [specific phrase/concept] used in the past, this term means [specific meaning] with [specific negative connotation] to me. How dare you not have the same biases around this word that I do! This meaning is not just my personal understanding based on how I was conditioned to view this concept; it's the actual, universal definition. You're a fool for using it! How dare you insult the universe! How arrogant of you! Use the words, concepts, and phrases that I want you to use to describe this experience instead, since I'm in your head and know what your experience was like! (Now, that's not arrogant at all!) Love (with no irony), OP" Point fingers, OP. Point fingers at everyone, telling them how egoic they are. The finger is twisty-twisty and pointing back at you. I mean, I get that you're pointing fingers at people who point fingers, but still...that's a lot of fingers. Forget the fingers. Look at the moon.