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You're coming back to this report quite on time! Yesterday, I wrote down a note, which I want to inquire in coming meditations. With meditation, it is always talked about witnessing, staying as the witness, awareness, observer, whatever. "The problem" I found with that is, that terms like witnessing make me feel like I'm something which is sitting in the middle of my head, looking out of my eyes. When I tried to find the observer, I couldn't "find" it. And I always always always stay as the witness. So, the note, or rather the question which I wrote down was: "There is no observer?". Maybe there is no such thing as an observer. Or what I think of as an observer. Maybe I have to give up the idea of an "observer", a seperate identity you might say. Now I don't want to jump to conclusions with this question, so we'll see what will come out of this inquiry. "OMG did I just say that? I will never say something like this again." "I hope I didn't say anything wrong." "When I act like this, maybe they will like me." "It's not okay, that I am like this." "Let me fulfill myself through the means of others." "What do they think about me?" Well..who am I even talking about? Me, right? Yeah.. It is so crazy, that within just a few months of time, the behavior of the bladder normalizes back to its regular way of functioning. What's even more crazy is, that thoughts like the one above, stick far less on "me". Reading my old notes about my insecurities feel so alien to me. These self-destructive thoughts (literally blinkers to self) are really dying out. Coming back to this thread, I realize that a lot of processing has happened in the last few months. Your help was just as therapeutic as the psilocybin, as well as the ego-self, striving to better itself. You are not a friend, not a teacher, but a stranger. But at the same time, you are a friend, are a teacher, and not a stranger. Don't want to downgrade you, don't want to put you on a pedestal. I don't know you, but somehow "your" teachings are in front of "my" eyes. Actual teachings - HERE. Thank you. ? Damn right! Don't underappreciate what peeing feels like. It's amazing when you're standing there, effortlessly peeing. Peeing ehhh being yourself is so nice! And @abrakamowse @Zenrool thank you. Always humbled if I can act as a stepping stone.

Yeah sure, nothing wrong there Yes, the infinitude of the experience can be used as a cop-out for why - here as Ethan - I’m unable to provide proof in this particular moment. No, that doesn’t mean it can never be proven. Giving the tangible infinite experience to you is how it’s proven directly. That’s a good extrapolation but there’s still an assumption laced in there. Just because I speak through Ethan doesn’t mean that “my” infinitude is held in the memories of his brain. I’m happy to explain this more if that’s wanted but to give a very crude example, a TV can display content without holding that content inside itself. The content channels into and flows through it from outside broadcasts. At this point, you may have the tendency to ask, “if you’re dialed-in enough to this world to know the basics of how TVs here work, why aren’t you dialed-in enough to know everything about the subject matter?” The answer: dialing-in isn’t just a black-and-white activity of either “I’m dialed-in” or “I’m not.” It’s infinitely more nuanced as there’s degrees to how much I’m dialed-in on each particular thing. This also leads to the infinite diversity of experiences. “Isn’t this another cop-out?” Yes, it could definitely be used as such. So yes, Ethan has been given access to the experience by “me” but as explained previously, that doesn’t mean it’s held in his brain. It’s a constant feed-through. Haha how did you correctly guess about my Writer-app Notes? Yes, I go in and keep adding to that list every day. It’s great to know that I’m now dialing-in enough here to sound normal! You’re the first person in this life who hasn’t called me weird, bizarre, an alien, inhuman etc. I’ll drop the annoying third-person talk and say my mom and dad (instead of Ethan’s) always make half-jokes about how I’m an alien and not their son. Even in childhood, these jokes were being cracked around the family Lol Yes, very true but you’ve got another assumption laced in there. Through this video and Ethan’s mouth, I’ve only articulated the nature of infinity. Who said there isn’t more? I certainly didn’t. There’s far more beyond the boundless! This is obviously illogical and contradicts the very nature of infinity, by definition. Yet, just as you said, the broader stuff can’t be properly articulated. So your assumption is that what I’ve articulated here is IT. It is not.

This is what I think, prepare for some out-there stuff: Aliens, especially benevolent aliens in our galactic neighbourhood (think possible the Pleiades), have been trying to uplift humanity for a long time, possibly millennia. This isn't a hands-on interventionist thing though, it's a more subtle influence of sending out positive psychic energy to guide us in the right direction even if we're not aware of it. Now, of course, since this is happening a lot of people pick up on it to varying degrees (including this Israeli guy), but because they haven't fully grasped the true nature of their own psyche or what the form of alien influence takes, their ego co-opts whatever first idea pops into their head ("Israel and the US are in cahoots with the aliens! The governments will let the world know when it's time!") when these things wouldn't really make sense on closer inspection. I mean, why would advanced aliens care about which specific earthling governments to help? They don't recognise our own arbitrary national distinctions. They want to help all of humanity, not just one country or another. Besides, people in governments are just as undeveloped and deluded as anyone else, so I don't see why they'd contact governments specifically. I think humanity is just slowly being made aware that we're not alone in the universe simply as part of the natural evolution of the universe. Odds are we're nearing the point where our evolved neighbours will deem it acceptable to contact us directly in which case we'll become a full-fledged member of interstellar society, or at the very least, we're closer than we were even just a century ago. It could still take some time.

Supposing this alien business is true, which I reckon it might be. It seems as though national governments have been taking the approach of slowly dripping more and more info and hints about aliens into the populace, so that it is slowly normalised and grows in the unconscious, so that everyone isn't as shocked whenever it's confirmed. Because let's be real. How many of us will think "eh, I kinda already knew" when all of this gets confirmed? Whatever information we're given about aliens, it's being given very slowly and gradually. It makes things less exciting and dramatic when they do this strategy of very gradual acclimatisation and hints.

More than just some guy's word, even a high-ranking official. We've been through this with Bob Lazar. Couldn't someone take a selfie with their alien buddy? They are in bed together.

Lmaooo If I'd be an alien trying to make contact with humans, I'd leave little breadcrumbs of evidence and see how humans react to it. Also, there are many people that claim that they have worked at government facilities and that they are hiding something. The book posted here seems to be by some Israeli official. The question is not just about evidence, the question is also about what evidence you are willing to accept.

Israeli space official Haim Eshed, pictured on the cover of a new book called The Universe Beyond the Horizon, claims that the US and Israel have had contact with aliens https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9029557/Mankind-contact-alien-Galactic-Federation-Israeli-official-says.html

If you want to think of it as a simulation, there is nothing wrong about it. In a way it is. But, not in the form of machines simulating this with algorithms. Even if it were to be simulated through machines. Those entities who are simulating it should still be conscious cognizant creatures, right? So, since cognizant consciousness still being the primal reality which even gives existence to those alien overlords who are simulating us, would still have to be explained right? Not only some simulating aliens. Even if the reality is thought to be created by some GOD. Still that GOD has to be conscious & cognizant first,before he/she/it can create anything. In all cases, which ever way you think about it, consciousness is the thread that runs through all of these various scenarios. That's why Without Consciousness Nothing Is. With Consciousness, Everything Is.

You can call your experience a simulation, who knows, our biological bodies and perceptions may be a product of alien computing, but reality itself can never be equal to simulation.

Borg doesn't map cleanly onto the SD-model in my view, similar to how you wouldn't map an AI on to Spiral Dynamics. Unlike a lot of the other races which are meant to be rough analogues of various Earth cultures, the Borg are meant to be, well, Alien. Borg arguably doesn't have what can be considered a Culture, though thematically there are some interesting parallels you could draw to ideas like Utilitarianism, Communism, or Capitalism taken to thier logical and horrific endpoints, but throwing an SD meme at the Borg is a pretty big stretch.

This ended up being a raw, unbaked confession of how I felt on this forum and why my activity is about to significantly decrease or not be present at all for a long time, if not forever. I've tried to fit into this forum for the past few months. I tried being compassionate at the beginning, to being more straight forward, to taking on more of a student archetype, to being more of the sharer archetype, to trying to be the archetype that reveals people's blind spots on here, but it just isn't working. The compassionate archetype seemed to get a positive response on here, and I felt some value being added, but then after later inspection I think the positive reaction was short lived as people didn't really take the advice on board. The straight forward archetype was ignored more often but more effective, yet ignored too much. The revealing people's blindspots archetype didn't really work well because people just got defensive. The student archetype didn't work because I already know everything. There's nothing I can learn here anymore, on every subsection, especially the consciousness one. The sharing archetype doesn't work because what I share is too advanced for people on here and they are into lower consciousness stuff. This forum is feeling like I'm scraping at the bottom of the barrel. There's no more insights to extract from here. Everything in the consciousness section I've already traveled through. And I can't help because they don't get what I'm saying as its too advanced. There are definitely some really powerful posts and insights and ideas here and there, but they come every blue moon. Its more effective for me to just look here passively once a month. The dating section is the same. The stuff I know is just too advanced for the people on there. Its not necessarily how good I am with women, but my level of thinking is just totally out of wack with people on there. I feel like I've been where they have been, but bloody 6 or 7 years ago. Lots have changed since then. I've tried to share this higher level thinking(my posts of tantra and how to approach women in a different way), only a couple of users get it though. The health section is a little bit useful, but I find that to solve health problems you need to really go deep yourself into it, and not ask people on the forum for advice. Its a great place to get ideas from and see whats new in health though. Even the environmental section... I am really bad at politics. I've probably read 10 books in total in the last 3 years, and half of those were spiritual books, and the other half were books for my career (startup entrepreneur). I've read absolutely no books on spiral dynamics, or politics or economy, yet even then I when I read people's posts in the politics section I can instantly point out where they are being deluded, or maybe not deluded but limited, or mixing up the context, or something like that. I can point out a better way basically. And when I point it out to them, they have no answer! Again feeling like I'm on a different wavelength... which is just disturbing, because I'm at around orange/green. I'd like to feel like people can out wit me again. I love that feeling because it means I can grow. I don't learn much from that section either. There are a couple that I love reading from like ep75 or something and forestluv(I forgot to add, for the consciousness section I get lots of value from Nahm and Mandyjw till recently, they are still awesome but after the recent realizations, even those conversations are getting old, that's why I'm so hard on psychedelics, humans are just getting too limited), but even then there's still lots of areas I can point out where common sense isn't being applied, they are thinking a bit limited, or something else. Forget this place for psychedelics, the people on here are serious noobs compared to face to face people and people on dmt-nexus and shroomery. I know people using datura to radically improve their life. I plan to follow them. The people I talk to face to face who do psychedelics tend to know alot more about spirituality, and I resonate with them a lot more now. They tend to go beyond infinite love just because psychedelics show you so much, so much more then what a spiritual path could. You literally get an alien brain. Its amazing, the psychedelic groups get spirituality so much better then Ananda, Ramaji, buddhists, you name it. I think shamans know more about infinite love and consciousness then the buddha after my experiences with psychedelic and shamanic groups (both in asia and my local home country). I am really feeling a strong strong strong urge to get deeper into psychedelic circles to advance my spiritual path. I want to get into datura, 5-meo, shamanism, and psychedelic research. I want to dedicate my life purpose to building machines that alter people's states of consciousness, I'm feeling super passionate about that. The realization of infinite love is not the end of the spiritual path. Its 0.01% of it, and I realized this without psychedelics. I realized it sober, so just imagine how big the spiritual path really is. My infinite love awakening that happened 4 or so months ago was a realization that the entire spiritual path was just designed to increase how beautiful realizing the world is love, is. And there was no I, the path went through itself. Which was the amazing part, it was like the world was a movie the entire time. Fast forward to now and after having some realizations such as the present moment doesn't exist, deeper realizations of infinity, deeper realizations of what's beyond the 1st person perspective, like infinite love awakenings that included realizations of every single being on the planet at once (which wont make sense to anyone on this forum) realizing that solving my trauma requires me solving sociological traumas like world war 2 and the vietnam war(because world war 2 is behind the eyes, and gives you suffering) I've come to realize that infinite love is just 0.01% of what can be realized in this universe. And going deeper into that requires psychedelics. These days I get far more insights just looking at a brick then I do reading books or doing meditation techniques. Really the only way forward is psychedelics. I've gotta try my hardest to go in that area. That's why I'm super passionate about making altered states of consciousness machines. Like neuralink. I see this is how you get from LOC 1000 to LOC 2000, LOC 3000, LOC 30000, LOC 9000000000, etc. Its about transforming the human brain to an alien brain. This is how you turn humans into machine elves and revolutionize science, health, art, everything. I completely and utterly disagree with people who think the spiritual path ends at infinite love. Those people are just simply fools. It goes way beyond that. They are completely out of touch with machine elves and forms beyond human. They don't know that machine elves are born with infinite love, and then go along the spiritual path to get to LOC 10000, and its possible for humans too through psychedelics or machinery. Infinite love awakening is still relative to the human experience. Its looking at the infinite through the finite mind. But that infinite can be seen totally differently depending on the finite mind (as psychedelics show) and I've also experienced (sober) experiencing the infinite through the infinite mind, which is so profound and radical that I will just not explain it here. I feel like I'm reaching the end of what this human mind is capable of. I just cannot seem to increase it through meditation or yoga or psychedelics that easily. I actually upgrade it or it's baseline consciousness just increases at a steady rate if I do nothing and just live my life like normal. I get insights from everything, from the shops, other people, the sun, plants. Its like I can look at an object and look past the veil and see an explosion of intelligence. And this process is far more powerful then meditation or anything else. How do I get higher then this? I've gotta manually modify the brain through psychedelics or machines. And thats why this is definitely my life purpose. I definitely don't resonate with people on here, not because I don't understand them, but because they are at a level that I was at years ago, and I can really feel that. And then the ones that are at my level, have no desire in continuing the path. So there's virtually no one on here with the same interests as me, or they do, but not in the same way as me. They are into LOA or stuff that I have no interest in. This forum is feeling like I'm at level 20, but I keep messing around at level 1. And its just getting boring, and so I'll be leaving and maybe revisiting casually. Having said the above, I also acknowledge that there were some really powerful and juicy lessons I learnt through being here. I certainly didn't always feel this way. Being here I really did feel like there was lots to learn and people knew more then I did. And that was a great time. But now that time is over. And this is another reason why I'm not feeling it to stay here much longer. My patience for people who aren't serious about spirituality, are too afraid, too scared, aren't willing to put their money where their mouth is, is running super thin. And for the first time in a while, I couldn't help myself and said what I've been thinking a while to this guy: The universe is infinite love for fucks sake. What in the fuck is the worst case scenario if you get psychotic or schizophrenic a little? And FYI don't you know what increasing your baseline is? Its getting a little schizophrenic or psychotic you idiot! That IS the later stages. What else could it be? You think increasing your baseline is all sunshine and rainbows? Fuck no! The entire universe changes. This isn't just limited to this steven guy, its loads of users on here. They can't take it when you get a little bit serious with them. Mention just a little schizophrenia or psychosis or insanity, and the most spiritual on here run like little juvenile kids. Actually my honest opinion is if you're not permanently psychotic, then your baseline isn't that high. I was refraining a lot with that comment.

One of the things I came to terms with recently was how relative truth actually is. Every spiritual teacher has a different take on what's going on, even though this is meant to be the same because its the absolute. You can justify such things with maps like LOC or someone being more enlightened then the other, but its more complex then that because the order in which you can realize different facets of reality varies between people, and some people have access to states of consciousness that others will never have access to. Psychedelics are a super cool area of research because it literally changes your brain chemistry. Which means your brain turns alien on it. Your hardware changes. And all of this is within the paradox that brains are imaginary and don't actually exist. There's a strange loop between our imaginary brain and the truth we realize, and that strange loop is an amazingly mysterious mechanic of reality. But that strange loop is definitely real. So my take on this stuff is the following: Its actually a lot more varied then that (due to infinity) there can seem to be a 'you' and then a realization that there's 'no you', but aliens (or people on psychedelics) can experience things beyond the you vs no you duality. Stuff that you can't comprehend. Stuff that's totally alien. And such variations can be explained through accessing different states of consciousness, but a more practical answer is perception. You could say, in one context, that we might all be seeing the same thing, but having different perspectives of what that thing is. For you, a phone is a device to call people. But what is that phone to a shaman? A monolith? A spirit? A machine elf? And considering you've experienced infinity before, I'm sure how you can see that your perception of a phone being a phone, is no more real then the shaman's perception of what that thing is. IME the ego never goes away, even after an infinite love awakening (LOC 1000). And for many spiritual teachers who claim they are enlightened, the ego never goes away for them too. Your perception of what that ego IS, changes. This may be too tricky to realize just through this post, but when you had that no self realization, its not like the ego disappeared, its that your perception of what an ego is changed. It changed from something that's absolutely true, to something that is a dream. Its still there, but as a dream. You didn't lose an ego (ironically because adviata vedantans pride themselves on no ego) the ego just got recontextualised as being not absolutely real/true. Just like how 'others' aren't true, yet there are still there, you're still talking to people. I find the adviata vedantan you vs no you duality too crude. Its either there or not. When the reality is something in the middle. Its not true but its there as a dream. It is possible to fully loose an ego. But that's nothing like no self realization. That's complete and utter amnesia. When you sleep every night, that's what its like to completely loose an ego (if not lucid). When you reincarnate into those sleep dream characters, you've completely forgotten who someone here is. The no self realization is different to that, you still know who someone here is, its just been re-contextualized into a dream instead of absolute truth. You've seen emptiness and now cannot be fooled into thinking truth is ego instead of emptiness. Every awakening is an integration or recontextualization of the ego. It never goes away until you reincarnate (body-mind dies). Knowing what happens when you get hit by a bus is hard to understand without psychedelics or advanced sleep dream work. But that's what you want to aim for if you want to see what true "no self" is

@LastThursday Alien posing as a welder would be a good cover, wouldn't it? I like @Keyhole's answer though ?

Friday 04/12/2020, 02:36 I may have been compulsive in my actions today, but it's interesting what state I've been in. I woke up feeling super foggy and dissociated. But I also sense a super sense of concentration. And I may have behaved compulsively today a lot with my addictions as I do normally, but just pausing and watching myself, I feel different. A bit more relaxing and space-like. Maybe it's because I started kriya yoga again, but its also my SSRI withdrawal. Time to keep at it, it might be promising despite the multiple deadlines and stressors in my life rn. Thinking a lot about uni work, as well as the funeral for one of my best friends coming up. I might be anxious, be worried, be in pain, be distracted, but I feel a deep sense of excitement and ease anyway. My vibe and feeling is perfectly described this track. Just so relaxing and space like, but also alien and extraterrestrial with the unknown

Here's the thing - your interpretation of this experience and trip is valid. Yeah reality is a pretty vicious, alien, and scary place. Everything you just listed cannot be fought using philosophy because it's completely valid. Yet equally, it's completely empty of meaning. Right now you've bought into the story you're telling yourself about reality. You've bought into and are believing hook line and sinker that reality is this awful scary place and that everything is doom and gloom. Can see how this story is 1) a story and 2) empty of inherent meaning? What if the meaninglessness you feel is just as meaningless? What if you were allowed to see reality as infinitely meaningful, beautiful, cosmic, sacred? Mushrooms can be harsh teachers and I'm sorry to hear you had such a traumatic experience. Yet, you can also use this trip as a way to orient yourself towards nihilism. Until you fully integrate meaninglessness through surrender, acceptance, and love, you will be repressing it. It sounds like the mushrooms brought that fear out of your mind and forced you to acknowledge it. Rather than just slowly forgetting about the trip, or trying to mask its lessons with another trip or more drugs, I'd suggest integrating what you learned. Practical take aways - 1 hour of meditation per day, MINIMUM. If you don't have a serious meditation practice, tripping is pretty useless and won't get you very far. Let the trips provide rocket fuel to your sober practice, and let sober practice provide the grounding, soil, and nutrients for the trip to take hold. Journal about this experience. Start questioning all of your beliefs around the experience. In what ways may you be deceiving yourself? Is it possible the trip magnified your own fears about reality? In what ways is your view of reality limited, partial, and relative? Can you find gratitude and metta for the experience? How has this trip made you wiser? Etc. Yoga / Exercise - spend time reconnecting with your body and emotions through physicality. This will help provide grounding and a sense of security. Spend time in nature - notice how at peace nature is. Notice the intrinsic beauty it gives of, how quiet, still, tranquil, subtle, and lovely it all is. A tree has nothing but metta for you. Sit with one until you feel it, and perhaps start by projecting metta towards it. I've found that there is an energetic re-harmonization of my body/mind/heart spending time in nature which is particularly helpful after really powerful trips. Know that you are stronger because of this experience. It's another stop on your path. Let it be what it was, but let it go.

Just wanted to share a tiny part of my personal journey on the spiritual path. Since about 4-6 months ago, started getting spontaneous ego deaths sober. It use to occur twice a week, now its once a week. With sober ego deaths, you never know whether you've poisoned yourself, overdosed on something, having a life threatening disease or whether an insect or animal has injected you with venom. Or on the flip side, whether you're just having a psychological phenomena (which has been every case so far, otherwise I wouldn't be here, I would be in the hospital, or reincarnated into a different universe/dream). Even though its just an ego death, because its sober, you can never tell the difference between ego death and physical death. On psychedelics I guess you can make rationale that its normal and you'll come back, but sober you can't do that, because you never know why its happening. The littlest things trigger it, and they occur at the most inconvenient times. It occurs when I'm feeling the energy of a sort of food, the feeling and how it reacts to the stomach just causes waves of energy to rise, exponentially increasing dissociation and am. It occurs when I'm feeling the inertia of the elevator coming up and down. It occurs if I eat lots of berries or take too many supplements, it occurs if I sniff too much cleaning products or solvents, it occurs if I'm getting too angry at something, it occurs if I'm getting too relaxed, or sometimes it occurs for absolutely no reason at all. Sometimes it occurs when you're driving or in a meeting with your boss. The process is always the same. Energy starts to raise in your body, sometimes it comes in waves, sometimes its gradual. The waves are the worst because there is more suspense. The first wave comes, then you've got time to relax when it settles, but from experience you know another wave is going to come, and the suspense kicks in. Then that second wave hits, that's when you're seriously feeling that existential terror, that amnesia and loss of knowing what the universe is, what maths is, science is, your family is, etc. And that dissociation from the body kicks in hard. you start to feel a bit of a swaying or sense that space is jumbling up a bit. Then the third wave hits, surrounded by amnesia and dissociation, you're seriously contemplating the possibility that you'll never see the dream that you're in ever again. Did you poison yourself? Is this God's way of saying that's it for this dream? You never know. For me personally, most of what I care about is knowing how reality works, and the universe has a way of giving you what you want. And knowing how reality works means bye bye to the universe, so you never know whether God is fulfilling your wish on this particular ego death. After the ego death its beautiful, no dream, just white everywhere, complete amnesia, and complete love. Yet even though you may remember this, doesn't make the ego death any less frightening. You can accept ego death more and more, but you never get rid of the terror, nor use to the impracticalities of passing out while doing stuff like shopping or work. And most normies and even people on here would think that this is abnormal, but its only abnormal from this time period. Tribesmen had to accept the possibility that they would die at any day due to the harsh realities of conflicts with other tribes, diseases and misshaps with hunting, or your own tribesmen turning against you. Just a few decades ago, 19 year olds had to walk every day with the possibility that they would step on a mine. The song "I was only 19" and the verse "A four week operation, when each step can mean your last one on two legs" really illustrates that possibility and mindset. And ironically, despite the melancholic vibes, such ego deaths emanate your bones with humility, acceptance, and connection with the human race, especially humans in the past. Its a beautiful irony that having ego deaths every week isolates you from the human race of today, yet gives you a deep appreciation for humans of the past... a much bigger time period then this narrow slice of peacetime. When I'm listening to war songs, I join in with them with the singing, we all get each other. The generation of today have no idea how good they got it. The empathy is unparalleled when this happens to you. You see a Chinese guy on the street fearing for his life, and you totally get it, especially the part where no one else knows what that fear is like because they are so god damn lucky. But the generation of today also have it really badly, because without the possibility of death at any moment, means no possibility of accepting the worst case scenario, and a hidden trauma of always protecting and chasing after avoiding your worst nightmare. Its a locking yourself in a cage. Its a fabrication of delusion and arrogance. After such ego deaths happening regularly, you can't even pretend that you're macho. Because it freaks you out every time, no matter how enlightened or advanced you think you are, or how much progress you went through. What both you, the almighty enlightened starseed alien, and the stupid, foolish military soldier normie both share in common, is you're both freaked out by death, no matter how many near death experiences (or actual ego death) you have, but both of you know that your only option is accepting the fact that this dream may be the last moment it will exist, sucking it up, and getting on with it. Both of you know what's worth it, and what isn't, because any day could be your last. I'm not sure how many "spiritual people" go through this. Doesn't sound like much based on the reports from this forum, and talking to spiritual people face to face in my local country. I'd imagine that lots of them are too enlightened to go through such things. They have already had ego death, nothing scares them anymore, they are in heaven already, and know everything. Unfortunately that isn't the case for me, my brain works uniquely where this will stuff happen till mahasamadhi or at very least till the body and mind gets hit with a bus. I find connection and solace with the humans of the past. It sounds depressing, but that wasn't the point of this post. I think existential terror, possibility of never seeing this dream ever again, deep dissociation and amnesia to have a beautiful sort of charisma to it, the side of the coin that's neglected by us because we're too busy chasing manifestation and insights and increasing baseline states of consciousness, and realizations, yet its no less beautiful. Its the compliment of all of that stuff. All of the former is what separates us in a sense, while the latter is what connects us all together.

What alien tongue is this? Wtf is a goodest boy and this french cryptic message

WARNING : The following story contains detailed retranscription of very distressing thought and fucked up reasoning that really made me question my sanity for a short period of time. I would not recommend reading this if you are tripping on weed or any psychedelics right now. I would also avoid reading if you suffer from OCD, as obsessive and intrusive thoughts are at the heart of this experience, but hey, you do as you wish. I apologize for the lengthy post but I really wanted to make sure to get all the details down, I hope this level of description will give some insight about what exactly constitutes the experience of a bad trip from an internal point of view for those who never experienced it, and especially how things can gradually go objectively more insane while remaining somehow coherent and making perfect sense for the person experiencing the trip. I've read many trips reports but I've never seen one explaining in detail the inner workings of the mind trying to persuade you that your madness is real, which is what I'm aiming to do with this story. Another reason I'm writing this is to gain some insight into the interpretation (if there's any) of the events that happened that night. What does it tell about myself, my state of mind, consciousness, or the way the human mind works in general? Such questions I don't think I can answer right now, but I'm eager to hear what you all have to say. The events I'm about to describe have deeply disturbed but also motivated me to develop a new mindset of self-improvement and spiritual research, it kinda woke me out of a state of slumber you could say. Now that I've seen the tremendous power of the mind, I realize the importance of every single moment of my life and I want to get the most out of it, which include fixing my intellectual and behavioural shortcomings, becoming a better person on all accounts, especially my relationship with myself and others, and stop wasting my days doing nothing. Sorry for the rant lol now comes the interesting part : This happened about a month ago. I had already taken LSD a few times before, in moderate dosage (200ug each time). I'm 20 years old for reference. At the moment, I was already interested about metaphysical topics such as the nature of reality, consciousness, and so on, but I never really dug into the subject and I was still very ignorant about spirituality in general. (I had a very fixed materialist vision of life, I was pretty much your typical STEM student who think he has it all figured out, you get the idea) Anyway, I discussed with some friends I had tripped with before, and they all told me how the experience changed their daily lives and how they were more grateful/conscious/detached from reality etc... I got a little frustrated because I really couldn't say the same about my own personal experience, even though I was the one who initially suggested taking LSD to "get something out of it". So the next evening, I made the incredibly wise decision of taking a much larger dose (375ug) by myself, at night, in my bedroom, to finally get the sought-after "realization". The actual come up of the trip went surprisingly well, the visuals were slightly more intense than usual but nothing too crazy, my mind was alright too, even though I was overall very confused and my thoughts made no sense most of the time. (btw my acid comes from a very reliable and well-known guy on the DW so I'm pretty sure I'm not underestimating the dosage). Anyway, I decided to light up a joint to enhance the trip, with no regards for the fact that cannabis has always made me very very nervous and self-conscious (I'm sure you can start to see where this is going ) Only a few seconds after the last toke, as I was observing the streetlights, I started questioning the utility of taking LSD (It's something I have always done during the previous trips, and I always feel like I cannot provide a relevant answer, which for some reason makes me feel very uneasy). But this time, I felt a sense of absolute existential dread at that thought. It was as if I HAD to answer right now or the consequences would be absolutely dramatic in a way I couldn't even fathom. I cannot describe the feeling of pure terror that I instinctively felt as I realized I was absolutely unable to provide an answer that would satisfy me (I think no answer could at that point). I instantly tried to think about something else like my life depended on it (and I was absolutely convinced that was the case) but this only made the feeling even more intense and the thoughts in my head became more aggressive. Each effort I made to try to think about something else, the thought would come back at me, bigger and more terrifying than ever. It was not even about the initial question anymore, but about the fact that I couldn't calm down and move on. I tried to think about logical arguments to get out of this irrational thought trap I had gotten myself into, and I kept repeating to myself that I shouldn't make such a big deal of virtually nothing, but the voice would respond each time, overriding my pathetic attempts to regain control of the situation. That was where I realized in horror that I had absolutely no control over that voice in my head. I started to perceive these thoughts as a sort of alien, demonic presence that would keep tormenting me until my death. It was my punishment for experimenting with drugs and opening gates in my brain that should have stayed closed. Now comes the really really fucked up part, in my opinion, the realization that made me fall into the abyss of madness for the next 3 hours: I understood that I had become obsessed with the voice narrating my own thoughts. Now the thing about obsessions is that eventually you get distracted from what's clouding your mind and start to think about something else... but the thing that's distracting you is usually your own thought stream, and therefore "the voice" itself. In my case, that was precisely the object of my obsession, which meant that I had absolutely no escape from that headspace, for whenever I tried to think of something else to get myself out of this nightmarish thought loop, I would instantly recognize the voice "linked" to my though, and fall even further down the rabbit hole. Another disturbing thing I experienced in that state was amplifications of my thoughts like my head was an echo chamber: I would think about something and instantly recognize the voice narrating the thought in my head. By unwillingly paying attention to it, kinda like reading it in my head, I would create a new voice saying the same thing (much like when you read something and you have a voice narrating what you're reading, except I was reading my own thoughts if that makes sense) then I would start reading that new voice, creating a new layer, etc... that process repeating itself hundreds of times in a matter of seconds, each step making me feel like I was diving deeper into insanity. Not cool. A few minutes of delusion later, I felt like I had a total understanding of the way my mind worked, and more precisely the way the different thoughts flowed into each other. I understood life was a never-ending succession of thoughts, each one coming to distract myself from the previous one. I could see that each new thought would usually trigger a kind of reset in my memory, making me forget my current focus to switch onto the new one, in an indefinite cycle. I guess that's not too far off from reality, to be honest, haha, except that in my current mental state, I could sense immediately whenever that "reset" was triggered, and the realization would instantly make me loop once more. Again, I was trapped in a (seemingly) endless cycle of obsession, since the object of my obsession was now the very moment when a new thought form in your mind, and I was convinced I would keep noticing this process until the end of my life, thus making me theoretically unable to ever think about something else... forever. I let you imagine the sheer terror I felt when I came to this conclusion, which seemed logically indisputable to me at the time. I was absolutely convinced I would never be able to think about anything else that this damned loop, and that I would be transferred to a psychiatry ward the next day. The worst part is I thought I had undisputable logical arguments to support that claim (as the thought process that drove me to this conclusion seemed backed by pure logic and not irrational thinking) During this whole part of the trip, I had a progressive sense of feeling the demonic presence of psychedelics into my brain, that manifested itself through "the voice" and some weird shadow worm hallucinations in the corner of my sight. (like hundreds of dark little tentacles all around my field of vision, that kept squiggling all the time. They evoked me a parasite that would feed on my happiness and remind me until my death how life was now dull, meaningless and a cycle of perpetual suffering). I felt like the drug had opened new realms inside my mind and connected things that should have stayed distant from each other, and now I was stuck in my own head with this demonic entity, trapped on the other side of reality, as I could only watch the outside world through my eyes in despair, reminiscing of my previous happy life, back when I had not broken the process of thinking and my head was working properly. I knew nothing had fundamentally changed in the objective outside world, but now I was trapped in my own head, in a psychedelic mind prison. At that point I had a closed-eye visual of sitting at the bottom of a bottomless hole (I know it makes no sense) and above me were infinite layers of fractal-like weeds made of shadows, waving menacingly above my head. I thought they represented the psychedelic headspace that had swallowed me whole and was now closing in front of me, separating me from my old reality forever. I then spent a couple of minutes on my smartphone, reading on various forums about drugs and mental illnesses, doing research with keywords like LSD, thought loop, obsession, life ruined etc... and I was convinced that I was reading many reports of different people trapped in the same mental state as me, after noticing the same thought patterns I did and after following the same "logical reasoning", giving them the same recursive obsessive thoughts that would now ruin every single second of their lives. When I went back on these sites the next day I realized the stories I had read had actually nothing to do with my own experience, I remember this thread in particular terrified me : https://www.reddit.com/r/PsychologicalTricks/comments/eojn16/pt_how_do_i_get_out_of_a_thought_loop/ and looking back at it I really can't understand why, but the LSD warped my mind in such a way that everything I read was interpreted to fuel my existential anxiety I guess. The only thing that bugged me is that I was genuinely convinced that if I were to explain my "looping issue" to anyone, even sober, they would become crazy and obsessed with their own thought stream as well since I thought it was totally logical and understandable reasoning that drove me insane initially. Therefore, I did not understand why I had never heard of this demonic loop before, as it had the potential to destroy humanity (lol). Was I actually the first-ever human to realize that? It can't be, I just read testimonies of other guys experiencing the same. Then the truth hit me like a truck: It was fake all along, reality never existed and everything was a simulation. My family, my friends, my school... nothing was real. At that point, I was still reading comments online and I thought they came from other people who had taken psychedelics and had broken through the illusion of reality as well (which makes no damn sense since other people were supposed to be fake but actual rational thinking was not an option anymore I guess). All the comments were complaining about being trapped in an eternal time loop now that they had broken their mind and discovered the ultimate truth, so I began to think the same. I was lying in my bed with my headphones on, and I was absolutely convinced that this would be my destiny for eternity. This is, I think, the most distressing state of mind that a human being can find itself in. If I had a gun at this precise moment, I would have blasted my head without a moment's hesitation. The feeling of eternity is truly mind-shattering. I kept coming with reasons to calm down and downplay the issue, trying to find my way out of this nightmare, but every 3 seconds or so, I would have a realization, like the voice was telling me "Oh no no no son, you don't understand how serious this is " and for a split nanosecond I gained a fundamental insight about the true nature of reality and I would realize that I was indeed trapped until eternity, that all my effort to think myself out of this situation were vain, then I would immediately forget about it (I don't think there was actually an insight at all, just an overwhelming feeling of having one), resulting in me trying one more time to think rationally for 3 seconds, only to be crushed again by this intuition, etc... the process repeated itself for an indefinite time. I was listening to random songs on a Spotify playlist that wasn't mine, and this song that I didn't know at the time, "sweet sound of ignorance", started playing : I thought the "universe" (aka the wicked entity that had created my reality and manipulated my life the entire time) was playing this song to mock me and tease me about taking psychedelics to get a deeper understanding of reality, because now that I knew the truth, all I wanted was to forget and get back to my old ignorant self. I love listening to this song nowadays, I find the melody absolutely haunting and it captures perfectly the ethereal feeling of watching the very structure of reality melt in front of your eyes... weird I know but I can't help it so that's a positive aspect of this trip I guess haha Anyway, at that point, I started getting extremely focused on the music randomly played by Spotify, because I felt it was trying to tell me something, I remember thinking it was displaying a summary of my entire life for some reason. My memories are very sparse from that moment, but I remember this song playing : At the sight of the religious imagery on the cover (I didn't even notice the fucking lasers and probes lmao) I instantly felt an intense warmth rushing through my body. I think that for a moment I thought I was God, then I thought I had definitely gone crazy, then I felt like God again. I could feel the inner workings of my mind, the way neurons communicate and the way thoughts and information were conveyed intuitively. At the peak of my delirium, I felt that I was a being of light and that I could communicate with other beings like myself, through a way that didn't require actual thinking somehow, and all these beings were telling me I had found the way to transcend the illusion of reality and the infinite loops of madness, and now I was in the superior realm of fractals where the evil thoughts were unnecessary and I could remain here at peace for eternity. I have absolutely no idea what happened after this. Obviously, I had forgotten a long time ago that I was tripping. When I woke up the next morning, I felt so fucking relieved that I was still my normal self, and that I hadn't gone crazy and obsessed with infinite recurring thought patterns or other weird stuff. I believe all of this experience was just a gigantic psychotic delusion, including the "awakening and transcendence" part. I really do not attribute a deep spiritual meaning to what I lived, for it was most likely the result of extreme suggestibility induced by the drug, coupled with an undisciplined mind and ignorance of its inner working (I'm pretty sure I could have handled these intrusive thoughts after only a few weeks of meditation but at the time I really couldn't stop identifying to them). I did learn to sit the fuck down and stop doing irresponsible shit with such powerful substances. I will definitely trip again but with lower dosages, and only after gaining enough knowledge and mastery over my own mind. Thanks for reading!

I'm in a pensive mood today. In a sort of segue from my most recent post, I think I've identified the cause of my, what do I call it? indifference? limbo? stuckness? It's the existential tussle between stillness and motion (a.k.a. The Story) . I think I need to elaborate. For me stillness has the following connotations: Centredness, stoicism, reliability, steadfastness, confidence, aloofness, status quo, minimalism, low effort, avoidance. You get the picture hopefully. In turn these things are about the following possibly unconnected ideas: Protection from and avoidance of bad stuff; freedom from others' problems and needs and dictats; freedom to be and do what I want; yearning to be accepted and loved; being respectful and trustworthy; being decent to others; being unemotional. A large part of my character is pensive, passive and analytical. Whether by nature or nurture (my father is pensive, passive and analytical) I don't know. So far in my life the Stillness has served me well enough. I have plenty of money, stability, health, a roof over my head and peers to keep me going until I die. This is contrast to my immediate family, who are on benefits, needing to be financially bailed out, needing a crutch of a man, or perenially skint and in varying states of ill health. I'm the wonder child. I'm the sensible first child. Except this is never acknowledged whatsoever by anyone. Instead I just get used by everyone - basically it's low conscious ignorant behaviour on their parts. I suppose I'm virtue signalling here, I'll stop. To summarise stillness has taken care of my survival needs. Ok, so on to motion: Excitement, energy, fun, laughter, purpose, direction, change, flowing, freedom, creativity, curiosity, productivity, novelty, collaboration, building, adventure, development, optimism - all in no particular order. The other side of the story of me, is that I have a boisterous, funny, loud and energetic side. This is connected with the following ideas: Getting attention and love; authenticity and freedom; feeling good and/or high; connection to others; helping others; bringing joy and humour; being silly; physicality; breaking rules; making and creating stuff; being responsive and fluid; improvisation. I was quite an energetic kid. From a young age I spent all my time outdoors, in an urban environment. Occasionaly it was threatening or physically dangerous. Physicality was the order of the day. Saying that, I was never that boisterous or overbearing, not a bully. And it was mostly about playing games, exploring the environment and being part of a group. In summary motion is about living life and being in alignment with it, flowing with it. Reading the above back to myself is actually useful. Due to my age, circumstance and super ingrained habits I've become very insular and still and now it's hurting me, despite it being authentic. I need much much more motion to be fully authentic and respectful to myself. Otherwise life is not worth continuing with. The big question is how? How do I achieve that motion? I have no choice other than to be an adult, and a not young one at that. I can't behave like a child playing games and going exploring any more - I have to do grown up versions of those if at all. And people rely on me for their survival. I am actually completely lost on how to do that. It seems that everyone around me acts in the following way: thought -> want -> action. That seems to be motivation enough for them. I find it exceptionally robotic and mindless. I only appear to act out of necessity, none of my thoughts seem to generate any form of motivation or want or at least enough for me to take action. The way other people carry on seems alien to me, even if it's authentic to them. I'm not a complete lost cause though. I do have interests and minor motivations. But the interests are very analytical and pensive, mostly programming projects, or musical interests. And I have desires, but these are too vague or big or overwhelming to take action on. Put a different way, any motion I desire is in complete contradiction to the stillness I desire. Stillness is winning, but it's unbalancing me. So here are my ragbag of my Vague Desires in Motion (I really should get a dreamboard going and maintained): Not to work for someone else To be out in the sunshine year round and to be closer to nature To use my body constantly, be physical, exert energy To be with an authentic beautiful woman who is self sufficient and energetic and adventurous Not to have money concerns or survival concerns (I have this already though) To build my own house with my own hands To tread lightly in the world, be self sufficient and connected to my environment To be highly creative, use intelligence and skills and make an impact on people Just to be allowed to be "let loose" and be me without judgement Give up programming and sitting in front of a monitor, and just have it as an occasional hobby To be away from the death grip of my parents' problems One of my old maxims apply here: if you do nothing, nothing will change.

Of course there is staging involved, yet to me you are saying that since there is any incident of staging, anything goes. Evidence and rationale no longer matter. It just depends on the context. If we creating fictional stories for video games, dreams, novels and movies evidence and rationale aren't very important. Yet if we are creating and living within a functional society, evidence and rationale becomes important. For example, let's say I go on a date and a woman lies about her income to impress me. We could say that she is staging - yet it doesn't mean everything is staged and we can make up whatever we want. It would be unreasonable to say "Ah ha! She just staged that! So that means she could actually be an alien that is conspiring with Bill Gates to control human minds through vaccines to create a collective Borg Mind. And this isn't even a cafe we are in - it is part of her Borg Mind and the waiter is actually Bill Gates!". That becomes creative fiction in which evidence doesn't matter. That is great stuff in some contexts. If we were creating a science fiction movie - then evidence doesn't matter and we can make up all kinds of whacky stories.

I've recently been rewatching Star Trek: The Next Generation, and I've noticed just how good of a show this is to deepen your understanding of how SD works in "real-world" situations. You might think, well it's just a show in the end, can't be that accurate of how civilizations and societies would act in real life. But as @Forestluv brought to my attention recently, the producer of the show Gene Roddenberry was rumored to be aware of Clair Graves' work. So if you've studied the model or something like Integral Theory, then this can be a fun way to keep exploring and thinking about how different stages behave and how they resolve all kinds of interesting dilemmas. Of course, it's not perfect so go into it with your own authority and knowledge to try and notice how complicated it can be to live in a universe with all these different world-view species. And notice how similar it is to how the world operates today, these different species could be looked at as if they were nations in today's world. The federation is prime time yellow in their approach to most conflicts, yet have an orange view of exploration for science, hence, "To boldly go where no man has gone before". They solve problems with an "above" judgmental tier 2 approach and follow the so-called Prime Directive wherever they go, in which states they're not to intervene with an alien civilization below a certain threshold of cultural, scientific, and technological development; a very yellow approach. This is done so they're not to impose their own values and ideals on them, as this can severely mess up the development of their society. In the episode "Who watches the watchers" it is seen how severe of a consequence it can be for a civilization to come in contact with a stage Purple society. After witnessing their medical powers and beaming technology, they were convinced that captain Picard was their god. And so they started to worship him and it took a great deal of effort to convince them that he bled just as they did. Some of my favorite episodes are where the character Q appears. A stage Coral being who could be seen as god (with god-like powers) in human form. The Q member which is most often presented, one of many, has what could be seen as extreme trickster archetype characteristics seen from stages lesser than Coral. Yellow still does not understand that "death" and the wiping out of a whole civilization could be seen as god's highest form of love. Yet it is not known if Q does this out of amusement, which seems to be the case, or if he's doing it out of love but unknowingly, which would be weird because apparently he's omniscient. Despite if he does this out of amusement or love, it's still nonetheless done out of love because all of reality is love-driven. The most evil and vile things are pure perfection and beauty. Here's the list of species/planets ranked by their stage: Purple: Mintaka III Red: Klingons(Red/Purple), The Borg (Red/Blue/Beige) Blue: Cardassians, Romulans. Orange: The Ferengi, Vulcans(orange/blue) Green: Rubiicun lll (Extreme green/blue) Yellow: The Federation Turquoise/Coral: The Q Continuum, Betazoid, El-Aurian. Please correct me if you feel otherwise.

@Sempiternity what???? ??? maybe it was really an Alien who put it there ????

An alien existence If you provoke the enemy the enemy will strike. If you provoke a friend, they will help you.

Of course it can. But only within limits. You will never get a donkey to understand calculus. Because he doesn't have the necessary hardware. The problem here is that talented people take their talents for granted because they have no idea what it's like not to have their talents. Someone born enlightened will not understand why everyone else is not enlightened and acting so stupid. This is not just a hypothetical. I've actually met people like this. It takes them a long time to learn that they are unique and different from everyone else. It is a big practical problem for them. They are like an alien among their own kind. If sticking 5-MeO-DMT up your ass counts as grace, then I guess grace it is.