Do women really like vulnerable men?

[Farnaby]

Hey everyone!

Vulnerability is something that has interested me for a long time. In my experience, it seems to deepen emotional connection BUT it has to be expressed at the right time and not become emotional dumping, because that could easily lead to loss of attraction. 

There seems to be a fine line between vulnerability that leads to more connection and vulnerability that turns the dynamic into a boy-mother relationship if you know what I mean. 

What do y'all think? I'd like to hear both, women's and men's honest opinion on this

[Preety_India]

I used to like vulnerable men but I gave up on them. They no longer interest me. I'm not saying everyone and I'm not trying to generalize but from my personal experience, they tend to take advantage using sympathy as an excuse and they turn me into an emotional dumping place which I gradually come to realize. So I've gotten used to this pattern and no longer wish it to be the theme of my life. 

If in the future any man sat next to me on a park bench and told me his sad story, I would simply get up and leave. No to that drama. They're simply difficult to deal with  and they don't respect who is giving them a listening ear. 

Again not generalizing, just saying this is how I felt around such men.. They are only nice in the beginning, then the true colors come out. 

 

Edited December 1, 2020 by Preety_India

[Nahm]

When it is realized we react emotionally to thoughts, and instead we take pause, we are emotionally present in spirit you might say. Available, not hiding behind the armor. This brings depth to the experience of the relationship or interaction. ‘Vulnerable’ would be swinging the pendulum a bit to far. It’s actually opposite. True power, unfettered freedom of expression of the true nature. 

[Leo Gura]

Yes, but you must do it after there is a serious relationship. You don't do it during the attraction phase.

[electroBeam]

There is such a thing as vulnerability without stories and thoughts. Try just expression how you feel without the stories of why, when, where and who they came from

[Farnaby]

@Preety_India Thank you for your insights!

@Nahm Yes, that feels true. However, I've found that sharing the important things that are holding you back from feeling connected to the other person, can go a long way. Even if those important things stem from identification with thought. At least that's been my experience so far.

@Leo Gura I agree with that. Even in a relationship, I think it shouldn't be overdone.

@electroBeam Hmm you mean unfiltered expression? Like shouting or crying when you are triggered? 

[Nahm]

1 minute ago, Farnaby said:

Yes, that feels true. However, I've found that sharing the important things that are holding you back from feeling connected to the other person, can go a long way. Even if those important things stem from identification with thought. At least that's been my experience so far.

Yes, of course. Does that make you X? 

[Farnaby]

@Nahm That's what I usually call vulnerability and since you said being vulnerable is swinging the pendulum a bit too far, I wanted to know if you're also talking about this kind of vulnerability. 

@Keyhole Thanks for sharing your honest opinion. I think it's a societal issue. Most of us don't like or don't know how to be around unpleasant emotions so we tend to repress them in ourselves and other people. The question is: how much of our fear reaction to vulnerability is just our nature or conditioned by transgenerational trauma. 

[Nahm]

@Farnaby

Can formless be vulnerable? 

[soos_mite_ah]

I like vulnerable guys. But there are other factors that need to be considered. One of them is timing. If a guy tries to be way too open an vulnerable in the first couple months, it strikes me as a red flag because it looks like he is doing too much to quickly instead of taking time with our connection to deepen naturally. It can look like love bombing and possessiveness.  I'd say maybe wait a couple of months before getting too deep into anything. 

Another factor is how you go about vulnerability. Some people do it as a way to garner pity and sympathy and that can come off as manipulation which isn't good. But if the vulnerability comes from a place of authenticity and emotional openness, I see that as a good sign. That to me shows emotional intelligence, maturity, a willingness to connect, and wanting open communication. All of these are necessary for a solid healthy relationship. So in that way I like vulnerable guys. 

[MrBON]

@Leo Gura Why did you say on your video about being a man that girls find it attractive when you are authentic even if it is a bit feminine. If you dont act vulnerable at all it means that you are presenting a facade that is not your true authentic self. Could you please fill me in because i find this a bit contradictory, either you act macho and strong or you act authentic and yourself 100 percent which ofc involves being vulnerable (not saying to overdue it ofc)

[Loving Radiance]

@Nahm Can formless be "sharing the important things that are holding you back from feeling connected to the other person [...] even if those important things stem from identification with thought"?

 

@Farnaby I like to share vulnerability to connect on an authentic emotional level of being that is recognized straight away.

Edited December 1, 2020 by Loving Radiance

[WonderSeeker]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Yes, but you must do it after there is a serious relationship. You don't do it during the attraction phase.

Was just going to type this - very important nuance to point out.

In my last relationship my girl told me a few different times that she loved my vulnerability. One time was in bed. Another was when I cried in front of her. I swear they have a sixth sense - they know if you're being honest. When it's just you two alone in your intimacy, vulnerability is a winner! 

[MrWolf]

Vulnerability it is a much better option than compensation. Compensation is a cover for vulnerability. Vulnerability has its time and place, but never as a tool. And when it wants something it becomes problematic. When its pure it becomes beautiful .

Edited December 1, 2020 by MrWolf

[Nahm]

@Loving Radiance

Of course formless can be anything because formless.

[xxxx]

I think no one should be vulnerable until they are sure of who they are sharing it with.

Our vulnerabilities are a part of our make up as an individual. When one centers themselves too much around their vulnerabilities, they commence seeking validation in the name of emotional expression. Vulnerabilities have certain question marks, because if we had all of them answered, they would not be vulnerabilities in the first place. Now you have to decide whether you want solid answers, or some fleeting, half-hearted answers to questions that are very important to you, and your existence. 

Everybody is vulnerable, and vulnerabilities are meant to be understood, for within them is who we hide as individuals. If we do it too fast, too much — it becomes a mess. 

Wait for it.

Work on your strengths. Cultivate a reliable relationship based on your positives, and then, once you are ready in a sure sense, go for it. It will be an emotional and special experience. 

The foundation of your relationship should be cemented with strength, and vulnerabilities should be like doors, windows and other accessories that can be used to navigate, accordingly.

Sorry for the cement/door example, I couldn’t resist it. Now I know how it feels  like to be an author of a best-selling self help book, haha. 

Edited December 1, 2020 by xxxx

[Megan Alecia]

@Farnaby if the man's not looking for validation from you (which can easily be read through his words and actions) then yes vulnerable is great. especially if it goes with his overall character well. 

[Loving Radiance]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@Loving Radiance

Of course formless can be anything because formless.

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Farnaby

Can formless be vulnerable? 

You mean to labeling formless as being this or that?

[Nahm]

@Loving Radiance

Formless is meaningless. 

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, MrBON said:

@Leo Gura Why did you say on your video about being a man that girls find it attractive when you are authentic even if it is a bit feminine.

Yes

Quote

If you dont act vulnerable at all it means that you are presenting a facade that is not your true authentic self.

Yes

Quote

Could you please fill me in because i find this a bit contradictory, either you act macho and strong or you act authentic and yourself 100 percent which ofc involves being vulnerable (not saying to overdue it ofc)

Be authentic, be strong, be masculine, be feminine, and be a bit vulnerable in order to build intimacy and rapport.

After you reach hook-point with attraction, then you want to start building intimacy and connection, which is best done by sharing personal stories that reveal your softer side.

Basically, the girl wants you to be a killer on the outside, with others, but soft and sweet with her. Of course this is an absurd contradiction, but nevertheless that's what makes her wet. Find that balance.