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I agree this would be a good one. I am a pescatarian, because I love sushi so much... but most of the time, I’m vegan. Part of me does believe that some people’s bodies do need meat, because I’m a weirdo who believes that humans are a genetic experiment from different alien races (hence all of the human races), and that some of the species we inherit from need meat more than others. However, I also feel like some people who claim they tried to be vegan and it didn’t work for their body just didn’t explore their options enough. There is convincing evidence that a whole-food, plant-based diet is the healthiest way to go for humans and the planet. But who really knows? Maybe Leo does.

Not really. I believe to be an alien hybrid. I don't need it. I am not kidding. Arc

Last night I watched Leo's "guided exercise for realizing you are god" on a little bit of Kratom. And it sparked some opening and expansion in my consciousness. What an incredibly powerful video that is. I've kind of gotten into the habit of not doing any spiritual work while not on a psychedelic because they deliver every time you want them to, and to an alien extent. But I want to get back into contemplating more daily and meditating or shamanic breathwork. I'll probably watch the guided video on infinite consciousness tonight to keep the momentum going. About two hours ago while I had finished working out, I was walking and contemplating the distance that kept shortening until I reached a point where I couldn't go further. I became very lucid and felt like I was literally inside a dream, dreaming the distance coming closer to me. While my awareness had just been stood there at the same spot forever. Consciousness is a very alien thing while being nothingness at the same time.

For the last 10 years or so I've lived with this painful sense of urgency. It's like this constant awareness that my short life will be over soon and there's something critical that I need to accomplish before that or else my mission here would have been a failure. I don't know what that something is, maybe it's enlightenment, or a specific experience or some sort of realization about the nature of reality or maybe I just need to prove to myself that I am not a loser. Regardless I've been mostly unable to relax because of this feeling and have had to rely on substances like weed or just watching TV shows in order to be able to slow down a little bit. There is a Buddhist story about Naropa and Tilopa called Tilopa's shoe. Basically it's about Naropa doing an evil deed out of spite and then a dakini appears in front of him and tells him that unless he finds Tilopa and achieves enlightenment, he will not be able to avoid the karma of his bad deed and he will be doomed. So he becomes incredibly anxious and starts looking for this Tilopa everywhere. Finally he finds Tilopa and after a long and excruciating set of lessons he finally becomes realized. So I feel a little bit like this Naropa guy - that if I don't find this in time I am doomed. That if I don't wake up or create my soul in time I am doomed. There are all kinds of negative consequences of that because when you believe something like that everyone else who is not on a journey like this seems like an alien to you. You see some village people peacefully tending to their garden and you think to yourself - look at these simpletons they've never even read one book and have no clue about spirituality. They are clueless and doomed. Also I've noticed that this feeling makes me take life too seriously and I've lost my ability to joke and enjoy the present. It's always do or die. It's always "I will relax when I am done.". So I want to understand what this feeling is and where it comes from. Obviously this is some sort of "destination-type" thinking rather than enjoying the journey, but that realization alone is not enough to transcend it or understand it. What is this sense of urgency, what is this calling? This is the quote that I resonate most with in regards to this situation: "Blessed is he who has a soul, blessed is he who has none, but woe and grief to him who has it in embryo." - Gurdjieff. P.S. Or as one spiritual teacher suggested it could simply be an issue of not having enough sex...

A lot of people pray for others but it doesn't seem to have much effect. I'm open to telepathy and such working but you would have to be really good at it and maybe the people involved would also have to be receptive. If you have an adversion to taking action in real life then I would guess you have an under active manipura chakra (power centre). If this is so I would recommend the following meditation: Take a seat, keep your back straight and assume a gentle smile. Breathing deeply. On the out-breath, feel a joyful, generous power radiate from a point in your gut/navel area/manipura chakra location out into every direction, filling your entire body and radiating ouwards Hold the out-breath for a little while, holding the feeling of joy, power. Imagine a beautiful, powerful sun i your gut, the size of a basketball, radiating beautiful, warm, nurturing, blindingly bright light. Feel its light fill you with vitality. Then everyone in the universe equally, like the sun nourishes all life on earth. Even alien life looks up into the night sky and become mesmerized by the distant sight of our sun. Feel your loving breath stoking the fire of your sun like a flame needs oxygen. Your power becomes infused with love and becomes a vehicle for the healing power of love. Feel the humor of the life, laugh it up, heal the world with the sound of bubbling joy. Feel the uter perfection of the world. Feel completely at peace. Continue step 2, 3 and 4 while keeping your sense of peace. Do it for as long as you like, I recommend 30 minutes. You can experiment with placing the sun in the middle of your head and radiating joy from there. This simultaneously opens the third eye chakra. It will feel absolutely blissful. You can experiment with imagining a muscular, masculine, wise and loving deity. You are inside of him and his muscles and skin are like a exoskeleton to you. Your manipura chakras align and you share the same sun. You now feel his power and joy as your own.

Plugging the holes of Maslows Pyramid, as well as having an awakening experience and directly realizing the ENORMITY of awakening would both help. Did you watch the Matrix movies? Neo was offered a red pill (= harsh truth and exiting the matrix) and a blue pill (= getting lost in illusion again). Some people would take the red pill no matter what, no matter how tough the truth might be. They just want to know the truth. While other people's number one priority is happiness. They would choose happiness over Truth (blue pill). You might be in some alien matrix right now! You know nothing about reality. You have a good conceptual understanding of nonduality, but it's basically worthless. Its only value is as a pointer towards a potential truth. But you have no idea whether it is total bs or not. It doesn't matter how many people tell you what Truth and Reality is, in the end you are just imagining these stories. And are left wihout a hint of Truth. You can't trust any teacher whatsoever. They could be evil aliens in disguise, trying to keep you in the illsuion! Reality could be completely different!!! I am dead serious!!! I'm not just refering to "yeah it's still just a concept until you get it". I'm pointing to something more radical than that. What enlightened people say has no value for getting an idea what Truth/Reality is. It could be completely different. That it might be completely different, has the same probability, from your pov!!! Do you realize the significance?? You are completely clueless. And so deep in illusion that you think you know conceptually what Truth/Reality is. You could be in a matrix, in an alien lab, seperate from God, an experiment of an evil God...... You have 0 idea. If you get this, this should give you chills. Doesn't this make you curious? You could go and actually figure out what Reality/Truth/God is. The red pill is 5meo. ?

@Baludi "the implications of this would mean huge fucking madness." Sort of.. I mean.. the only reason you think 'this' (whatever is happening now) isn't 'huge fucking madness', is because you think it's not. It is. What's up with peeing? That's madness. Have you seen worms? Madness!! What about relationships? Madness!! None of it really makes any sense. It might as well be Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings. If you had a different perspective, say an alien looking down on Earth who had never experienced anything remotely similar to what's occurring here.. THIS would seem like the 'alien' reality... THIS would appear to be 'huge fucking madness'. You tell yourself a convincing story, that all of this 'whatever it is' makes some kind of sense.. but c'mon man.. this shit (reality) is off the chains. Consider the notion that 'nothing' and 'everything' really are no different.. nothing can not be described, because it has no qualities.. no size, no shape, no color, no weight... in other words.. it's has no 'limits'.. Nothing, just like Everything, is 'formless' or 'limitless' or 'indescribable' or 'infinite'. 'Nothing/Everything' only 'seems' or 'appears' like 'Something'. Seeming, or Appearing, is the same as 'dreaming' or 'pretending'. That's why people say 'life is just a dream'.. or Reality is Imaginary.. 'Somethingness' is literally 'imagined into being' or 'Created'. How, you might ask? Well, it seems that one of the infinite possibilities of 'Nothing/Everything' is 'pretending to be separate from itself' or 'dual rather than non-dual'.. or 'many things rather than one thing', by imposing 'imaginary limits' on itself.. these 'limits' take the form of 'duality'. Up vs. Down. Light vs. Dark. Self vs. That which is not Self. (recognize that Up and Down only have meaning 'relative' to each other.. you can't have just Up, and not Down) Duality is the 'mechanism' of Creation. It's literally how 'Nothing/Everything/Oneness' 'Seems Like' 'Something/Many Things'. Madness.

Imagine that I was an alien from Mars, with no sense of the human concepts of religion or of God. How would you describe God to me? Maybe the answer is as simple as "Infinite Love" and there would be no need lean on other concepts. Might there be other descriptions would be helpful for communicating Infinite Love to a non-human mind?

I would tell the alien from Mars the same thing I would tell the human from Earth. Want to find God? Look within.

@Fkdel hahaha I know what you mean. It's the manipura chakra. Try infusing that energy with love. That energy in its purest form is joyful, powerful generosity towards yourself and others. Subtle aggression is a subtle contraction in the manipura chakra. What you really seek is joy and loving power. There is a kernel of true joy and power in aggression which is why we like it but we can dispense of the aggression and keep the power.I As we develop a chakra it goes from inactive to contracted and active to open and active. A chakra is on the spectrum between these three states. Your manipura chakra is obviously close to completely open and active but it's not all the way. The inactive version of manipura chakra is submissive, powerless and has victim complex. The contracted and active version of manipura is aggression. Active and open manipura is pure radiating joy and generous power. This energy is sun energy, that's why fire is the element of manipura, the sun is made of fire. I don't judge subtle aggression(I use the word aggression very lightly, but i think you know what I mean), it's a powerful energy. I'm not saying that you should get rid of it because it's bad. I'm just inviting you to get what is so awesome about it and pursue the awesomeness in its purest form. For the sake of happiness, joy and love Try doing this meditation: Assume a gentle smile. Breathing deeply. On the out-breath, feel this love-infused, joyful, generous power radiate from your gut/navel area/manipura chakra location out into every direction. Hold the out-breath for a little while Imagine a beautiful, powerful sun i your gut, radiating beautiful, warm, nurturing, blindingly bright light. Feel it nourishing you. Then everyone in the universe equally, like the sun nourishes all life on earth. Even alien life looks up into the night sky and become mesmerized by the distant sight of our sun. Feel your loving breath stoking the fire of your sun like a flame needs oxygen. Feel the humor of the life, laugh it up, heal the world with the sound of bubbling joy. Feel the uter perfection of the world. Feel completely at peace. Continue step 2, 3 and 4 while keeping your sense of peace. Do it for as long as you like, i recommend 30 minutes. You can experiment with placing the sun in the middle of your head and radiating joy from there. This simultaneously opens the third eye chakra. It will feel absolutely blissful. If you try the meditation then do tell me how it goes. I'm curious. Good luck!

Monday 15/03/2021, 23:00 What can I do, write, say, think, examine, explore to make a difference? I don't know the thing to be changed nor the difference to be made, if the knowledge matters anyway. Discipline, forcing, deprivation, "masculine vs feminine" I have addiction. If I stop masturbating, then the urge comes up, and I feel like I'm depriving myself. Don't eat the unhealthy food I want, urge comes up, and I feel like I'm being deprived. Becoming like an upset and angry child who feels deprived. What's the way to go? "Gentle vs forcing". How does one discipline when there's strong feelings of upset in doing so? Something feeling very significant just came to mind... In me has been the drive achieve something, get some goal, perfect some thing, ambition to reach something high. If I'm honest, I probably got the drive/incentive when I was younger out of a desire to please or make my dad proud. Until just now I don't think I ever acknowledged it or thought of it that way. This insight has probably come to mind before but I forgot about it. Forgetfulness, distraction, amazing defence mechanisms. "I feel a certain type of scare and fear in examining this", ofc those are labels about what I'm feeling but....it's the truth here. Maybe this is the last thing I'd want to let go of..."how could I?". I always want more. Before that thing came to mind, I thought this was gonna be a long verbal inquiry, but perhaps that shortened my search time to the essence? Rarely is it that a thought strikes such an internal/buried chord, I can feel this is definitely something important. But if I have no desire or ambition or goals, then what am I or why am I here? Perhaps what being looked at is not all forms of motivation in of in themselves, just removing this particular thorn and now this thorn is replicating and hosting in thoughts. I fear oblivion. Ugh I'm still lost, but im not sure if Im just saying that so I can move on and distract myself from this....Also, I hate my dad. But its moreso funny -- Ugh, but where does that leave me or what I'm supposed to do. Is this the reason I no longer mediate or listen to people like Alan Watts in a long time? Out of an ego backlash of not wanting to surrender? Even now I'm not sure of if I shall or what surrender means, and in saying that I'm trying to replicate the method of other people who use that word and language. Lack of flow and concentration is/of ___ . Slow it down. Where does thinkingness, motion come from? So I might be more in the present moment now for some time but present is forcing to stay in the present "Stay in the moment" "Don't lose the focus" "Don't lose the flow" and the flow get confused with the repetition of return. THE BIG PROBLEM IS THAT THE MOMENT YOU SEEK TO DESCRIBE AND TALK ABOUT IT ITS ALREADY GONE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA`A`A`A`A`AQA`AA`AAAAA`ZAZ`A`AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASZ`AZASAZHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. OBHBOHBIYOBOUVYIBVIP. THOUGHTS ABOUT THE SINGULARITY OF MAYA ARE STILL MAYA. I feel a familiar feeling which has been lost for a while now. Image is coming to mind of 16 year old me in the shower in the black-tiled bathroom, listening to Sam Harris "Waking Up" audio. Why was I so happy then and had dimensions of emotions not normally here? Why do I feel an alien to my own past? What happened? Who am I? What am I? I want it back.... The catalogue of impressions and fractured DPDR self-history and continuity/familiarity with past, thats the description of whats going on. When did I start feeling this way. Did this blackhole happen before or after that time in 2nd year when I abruptly stopped taking anti-depressants? What were the emotions I can feel back in 1st year uni despite being suicidal then? Ahhh its driving my crazy, my disconnection and alienation from that. What happened and what am I. Not having that dimension/feeling structure is the same as losing memory of it. All of a sudden just now I can remember faint whiffs of it, and I miss it. Why is that? Do I lack it? Is it to be reconnected with? KLOI[JP[NPIBO[U09JONBPJOPNPNIPHUBHIPUBIPHUBHIPBHPIUBP jnkjnjknkjnj When did I lose that dimension/structure, where, why and how? Remember when you were 13, Mujtaba, and you prayed to Allah, 100% believing in his infinite mercy and infinite goodness. Remember that bliss and feeling like a walking Jesus Christ? Where and what am I now? Did that happen at all? Why is gone. Remember when you stared at your homework diary calendar during spring time in year 9 2014, and decided that you'd put off thinking of religion for a while? Staring at the open blank pages for April was I? Remember when you were in Pakistan in December 2013, the religiosity and peace of mind you had? Remember what then happened in 2016? You went to Saudi Arabia in Mecca and Medina, reflected on Islam for one last real time, and realised very consciously you believed none of it. Then you went to Pakistan, and entered a black hole of psychological and spiritual depression. You discovered TJ Kirk, sleep on that Charpai next to the bathroom, Khurram Bai got shocked when you used up 2GB of internet so quickly. In Dec 2013 in pakistan, it was then you would listen to Nouman Ali Khan videos on YouTube when lying down in that room. %$£%^ your sister would sleep in that room sometimes as well? Was it 2013 or 2016 in Pakistan when you stared at the ceiling in your parents room, lying in bed, realising the existential dread of heaven and hell being forever? Heaven forever seemed scary for it was forever. This was definitely 2013 im pretty sure. Has my IQ and intelligence decreased compared to when I was 13 and 16? My life is one crazy fucking trip and idk wtf is going on. My sanity teeters on the edge of psychosis, but psychosis never happened. When did you transition from atheist to non-duality and zen dude? If my history and past is correct, I only actually got formally depressed at the end of 2017, and it as at this time I joined the actualised forum? "Blackhole" (in this context), when the experience of suffering and hell is so great that you dissociate to such unbelievably large degrees that the line between mental and physical is unknown, real and unreal breaks, where your mental noise and state completely overwrites the external world and you BLACKOUT from your experience. Suffering and pain so large that my memory blacked out, and I'm confused, dazed, fragmented. Multiple blackouts, and multiple blackholes. What the fuck am I to do? Idk what I am, up and down are flimsy. Who or what can guide me? Is such a thing even rational to say? Remember 1st year summer, sitting by the water fountain, and discussing C.G. Jung with my brother, which then turned into a general discussion about spirituality? Is my entire life this blackhole now? Jesus fucking christ. Why was a 12 year old researching and questioning islam? How did everything string into this? What were the surreal and mystical spiritual experiences I had as a 13 year old islamic fundamentalist? Atheist? An avid meditator? What is it all? And when did I enter this more permanent depression, lack of vitality and despondency? Remember when you were 7, going to Madrassah or Thursday night when Shia family friends gathered? Remember the questions you'd ask about Islam? Asking your dad and Uncle Masoor different things. What laylat-ut-qadr nights was it that I randomly decided the fear of god reached me that night and I prayed, but changed my mind the next day? It was the same night Uncle Mansoor and everyone gathered at our home. Were there previous laylat-ut-qadr I was praying? What was the sincerity and intention at those times? Is Dua Kumayl just bullshit? My consciousness now vs my consciousness then, it literally feels like two different realities. Two different worlds, different universes. My past consciousness is just a dream and thought at this point, but I just feel so discordant. Ugh, it seems like I was already born to be on the edge of insanity, thrown into all of this right from the start, none of it makes sense. Images, symbols and the unconscious just keep flooding the mind. At least I feel more awake now, a small slap, I now realise the magnitude of my real and core problems. I now realise that my problems are so bizarre and spiritual that a traditional rational doctor would be useless. A normie wouldn't understand the out of worldly bliss of connecting to god as a religious fundamentalist when you're 13 and feeling like a walking Jesus Christ, and im sure that even back then I felt weird disconnections as what was all supposed to be myth is causing these intense emotions and experiences, its all just so dreamlike, bizarre, ungrounded, unreal. It will all just sound completely crazy, right from the start My sense of disconnection, all the blackouts, whenever I get a whiff of my past, I get a mixture of outrage, excitement and dread! When those rare whiffs do happen, I journal or write and just go on a spree writing all those things down. Almost like I'm trying to slap myself awake with all these things from the past! Slap myself awake that this disconnection exists! How shocking and bizarre!

Donald Trump agrees On day 1 of your latest retreats, you took 5-MeO and it was Total Absolute Truth but then the next day you took it again and you said it was even more Total, and then the next day... So you supposedly experienced Absolute Totality (it felt like it) but then your next day trip invalidated it because it was way more Total. You may say logic doesn't apply there but then you do use logic selectively when it serves you to confirm all that stuff. What if in 10 years new substance comes out and experience on this substance invalidates the truth of 5-MeO experiences? How can you know what you experienced is Absolute Truth if an alien with 10x the size of your brain and different neurochemistry may reach way higher states of consciousness? You know what I mean. It reminds me of this conversation: You mean like stuff like dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, etc., or brainwaves? To my knowledge techniques change brainwaves but not neurochemistry When you trip on psychedelics do sudden unexpected sounds startle you more, less, or the same as in your sober normal state? I have some hypothesis about the difference in how psychedelics and deep Samatha meditation affects conscious experience but need to take more psychedelics to confirm. When I get to effortless attention my awareness is so strong it makes a big difference in how sudden unexpected sounds affect me, it's like I'm always ready, prepared for some loud bomb to blast off yet calmer than ever. Long term meditators can get to a state where even sound equivalent to a gunshot near the ear don't startle them at all

It gives you way more than the enlightenment any of these teachers have. I have realized shit on DMT that these spiritual teachers cannot even imagine. You have to understand that a human's version of enlightenment is such a limited thing. Just try to imagine how much richer of an enlightenment an alien with a brain 5 times that of a human might have. These teachers will tell you it's all the same and brians don't matter. But that's wrong. They just don't know any better.

Haha. That made me chuckle. When it happens, I'll be the first to register a trip back to earth. Right now I'm a legal alien.

They aren't the same, but share similarities. There are hundreds of different states of awakened consciousness. So you're rolling the dice as to which one you get. Not all enlightened people have the same state either. Some have radically alien and different states and levels of consciousness. There really is no such thing as "enlightenment" as a singular thing. There are thousands of different off-shoots of it which are very challenging to understand and map because you'd have to experience them all and you basically can't.

Yep yep yep. I took a massive step in this whole direction of dating and intimacy. This was really important for me on an emotional level. It's a test that I passed. I was having headaches reading all this PUA stuff in the dating section for the longest time. It was like reading Greek to me. I just couldn't fit myself into this male world of hookup culture. Everything appeared alien to me. I felt alone, isolated and discarded and male agenda thrown at me with no care in the world for my feminine side. And now maybe I can move on from there. Finally free of this whole male parasitic agenda

Yes, granny or alien action, its a state of mind. If there where more high intelligence species on this planet, we would be having sex/relationships with them. Some strongly disabled people want sex/relationships, if im the only opportunity they have for it, i cant allow them to go their entire life with out does experiences, so ill happily mold.

hahaha i know, its dangerous, she might just nit me a sweater. Interesting interpretation, there is the aspect of wanting her to be happy, but to do this it involved molding myself into desiring her, takes a few seconds to do it. Now im permanently attracted to her and fantasizing about it. If i choose i could reverse this molding anytime. The only condition is that its morally correct with me or else i cant mold. Like consent. Well i dont desire relationships, they just happen automatically. Again it really could of been an alien creature, with alien cultural relationship rituals, i would just mold and be fully content with all of it. Sort of the lesson here is, we are a blank slate that got stuck on a specif way of doing attraction/relationships by culture. All emotions, desires,attachment,expectations are fully moldable to any configuration.

Don't ask me, I didn't say it. Ask the person who said it. Probably they be just trolling our naivity or testing our receptiveness or whatever. Maybe that person is a different kind of alien.

Ya know the other day, while repairing a computer for a 72 year old grandma, she started flirting with me (Im 32, young). My thought process was, well i dont want to deny her what she wants, seems unfair, everyone needs sex... She could of been a 11 foot, 6 testicals, slime dripping alien and it would of made no difference. Its going to get the job done. If she wanted a strange alien long term relationship of what ever sort, no problem, makes no difference, just go with the flow.

I got a good one. I love this video. Alien message.

I feel like I come from alien space. I can't believe I'm among these people. Unbelievable. People are so harsh and judgemental. It's such an effort to pull through.

Well apparently UFO’s have turned out to be real and are actually flying around in our airspace, so that kind of opens up some possibilities. What is meant by UFO is craft that astronomically outperforms anything in our inventory and move in ways that seem impossible to us based on what we know about physics. Now whether or not these UFO’s are occupied by “Aliens” is another question. But the debate as to whether or not these crafts are real and are flying in our skies is over. If I had to bet money this instant, I would actually bet that humans built them and that it’s some kind of secret technology, just because I’m a big proponent of Occam’s razor when forming hypotheses. But I don’t see the alien hypothesis as unreasonable by any means.

Sat 27/02/2021 23:31 It is simply a fact that you can't experience another person's POV...That applies to humans as well as all animals, organisms and potential AI in the future. Does that make selfishness the default, by definition? Is selfishness relative? What is the meaning of helping or aiding another then? I find it baffling. What am I to make of relationship, "social", friends, loved ones, community, selflessness, sacrifice? ___ I look at my father for example. He sacrificed himself, and continually sacrifices himself, in a large sense. He landed in an unfamiliar new country with no money or assets of any kind, with an emotionally abusive and manipulative wife from an arranged marriage. Day in and day out he put up with a paranoid, jealous, money obsessed wife, whilst trying to juggle duties to work and family. Whilst looking after his kids, he also still supported his relatives living in his home country. He would visit Pakistan on occasion, and payed/organised the construction of a house so that his parents would be fine in the long term. And who knows how much money he's sent to help his siblings. But for 30 years he put up with a crazy, narrow minded woman. He probably should have divorced, he says it himself, but with his culture and having young kids he forced himself to stay in it. And he's a workaholic, and was basically doing the equivalent of 2 full-time jobs at once. He ended up getting into real estate and properties, buying and renovating multiple properties to rent and later sell. He is into properties for two reasons, 1) He finds it fun and noticed a way to earn money this way 2) He wants to leave something behind for his multiple kids, including me. He's a very selfless and caring person, even though he's very strongly traditional masculine, solid stage blue with islamic values, and I've felt myself trapped by those beliefs and culture he passes on. But, he is relatively flexible and a good listener who is empathic. He is a psychiatrist after all. We just come from two different worlds in culture and personality. He's 45 years older than me, raised in a different culture completely. And so it is I can forgive him for various things in the past, and communication barriers. --- Okay so why did I write this all out? Well, it's just that I find what he does and what motivates him so alien and strange to me. Whilst I am ofc grateful and love him, I can't help but be baffled, bewildered and nihilistic. What was he working hard for, and why? What is the human game everyone is playing? Why so much grinding, hard work, concern for money, unnecessarily large amount of sacrifice to support so many people? Where is in the individual in any of this? He has a strong faith in Allah and Islam (he is tolerant to other religions). He is concerned about the afterlife. In Islam there is the belief that the "Day of Judgement" will come. God will resurrect the dead, and everyone will talk to God, as God interrogates you or congratulates you for every bad or good deed you did. So my father says "I don't want God to ask me why I didn't do this" (on the day of judgement), and he's deadpan serious in believing this. And ofc I find it slightly concerning that someone literally believes this all. I could give throw away "explanations" which don't remove the source of my bewilderment ."Oh, his MBTI type is some sort of xSxJ type, they have a different motivation structure. He's just not an intuitive. He's an old man who was raised in Pakistan.". But these words don't do anything for me. _____ What was the meaning of anything he did? What's the meaning of anything I do? I just don't get it. I'm just also wondering what on earth it means to care about someone, what sacrifice and selflessness means. I feel too much pressure, too much irritation, too little space to be and to be myself. Fuck people, I live for myself and myself alone. I will brood on all this energy I feel, go meditate on it, focus on it, with every fibre of my being. "The humiliation of captivity is the beginning of the counterattack" Listening to this puts my mind at ease, just very relaxing and focusing. It's one of the songs/impressions I replay in my mind deliberately if I'm trying to hypnotise myself with a certain image

I listen to a being called Bashar, he is being channeled by a guy, and he says he is an alien. And the things he says are pretty wise and high frequency. And once they put some devices on the channeler's brain and they saw that his brain was working very differently when he was in that channeling state. So I say why not? Bashar can be such a being who is aware of oneness of being and telepathically send information in that way.