somegirl

Ugh, tell me about it... Good thing is that you recognized it has nothing to do with you (pretty much that's always the case). But just because you are aware of her traumas, doesn't mean you should tolerate it. That's her problem and responsibility to solve for herself, you're not her caretaker lol. What you can do is following. Show her compassion and love, without expectation. Just for the heck of it. Because that is who YOU are. But also show her that you have bounderies and you love yourself enough not to tolerate her bs and disrespectful behaviour too. And actually mean it. This might inwoke something in her. Or it might not. Again, no expectations. She's not gonna be able to see your pure intentions if she sees thag she can do whatever she wants with you and that you're gonna tolerate it. That subconsciously tells her you don't respect yourself, so why should she. This is why loving yourself is crucial. You literally set an example for other people this way. And they respond to the love you have for yourself. Though if it makes you feel better to just drop this whole story and leave, then that is probably what is the right thing to do for you. Just offering a slightly different perspective instead of the usual "Leave that trash" kind of advice lol.

@ivankiss Welp, I can relate in a sense that once you find how amazing sex can be especially with one specific person, you kind of fantasize about it often. I do not, however, relate to the part that I tolerate any kind of behavior because I just want sex. Quite the opposite. I'm willing to give up sex (even though it's hard) with a specific hot person because I want to be treated properly and want to be respected. But then, to compensate for it, I will literally visualize having sex with that person in my mind to "fulfill" my need for sex with him. That's what I do to cope with it. Maybe you have these feelings because you don't respect yourself much? Maybe your inner being knows you tolreate any kind of bullshit just because of sex, so really, you're just showing yourself that you're not really loving yourself.

Having some kind of strange discomfort in my throat area... Specifically suprasternal notch. When I take a deep breath, I feel a slight pain there. Not too bad but it lasts for a few days now. Don't know what it is and why it happens and what is it trying to tell me. Googling it, it says that it is related to emotional stress (chakra). I wouldn't be surprised. I have so many people to forgive. It took a toll on me. But I want to wipe the slate clean. It's holding me back in many areas in life and affecting my self-concept. Ugh... I'm just so pissed at some people, but I need to feel it and go through those emotions in order to release it. It's just such a torture at times. Maybe I need to take a break.

@Kshantivadin Not for long, ali hvalaa <3

I am different now. I am no longer the old me carrying around baggages from the past. Fuck. that. I didn't want that in the first place, even though I somehow created it. I just don't want to put up with it. I'm tired of these chains. I want to freaking break free. I am a totally different version of myself. A new state of mind. The ideal version of me. With new past, present and future. I am living in a parallel reality I DESERVE. I deserve the best. It was never meant for anything bad to happen to me. It was never meant to be. Not to somebody like me. Everything bad that ever happened was a mistake. Everything. This version of me lives a perfect life. One my inner being knows it belongs. It was meant to be here all along. It was always here all along. This version of me was living this perfect life all along. And I was oblivious about it. But I'm glad she exists. And I am her now. I give myself permission to be her. This new best version of myself. The one who was patiently waiting for me to realize that I am her all along. That she's been within me all this time waiting for me to be conscious of her. Hey, I'm here now.

I am the fucking problem. I am the cause. And I am the solution.

Too far where? She's just living her life. Do you want her to close off and not live her life anymore because she's in a relationship with you? Besides that, you can't control what she does there. But it's up to you to be like "What is mine and what is meant to me, will never leave me. If something or someone leaves, it means we were not meant to be." Have that attitude. I get the attachment thing. But the quote above is so much more powerful and it give you a sense of peace. Best of luck.

Ultimately everything starts and ends with self. Everything.

Okay I just witnessed crazy synchronicity. Few minut s ago. This is undeniable. It's not a coincidence, it's too accurate. Omg. Friend sent me some post that actually has to do with some specific question I asked someone just few days ago. This is too coincidental. It's a sign. I wanted universe to send me signs and it happened. Thank you.

I don't know if finding and killing "the pattern" or that shadow self is a way to go. You think it is? I thought the point was to integrate the shadow. As you wrote, to smile at it, to kinda accept it. Give it love.

But you know... When I was imagining my dream life or how it would feel like... Nothing comes up. I don't feel anything, I feel numbness most of the time. Also when I do shadow work, when I try to think of some painful and unacceptable parts of my self, I just can't bring myself to feel those emotions. Good or bad (most of the time). I think it's because I am burnt out. I am so exhausted of emotions altogether. I just want to live my dream life.

Elaborate? Maybe an example?

I see. I wouldn't say I have problem with IG models. I think I look good and I'm told that constantly. I just come across people who only value my body/my looks and not anything else. And it happened couple of times that I started to wonder "Do I even have anything else to offer than the looks? Is that really all I am worth?". I mean I have many talents, have unique taste in music, I have friends and am funny and fun to be around when relaxed... So I just get confused how I constantly come across people who are not amazed by my personality. This is why I think, on a deep level, fundamentally, I do not value my personality myself. Because if I did, thid wouldn't be happening.

I'm glad you guys can fix stuff in life by not doing anything. Though that approach doesn't work for me. I can't just "not do" anything and pray on higher power to give me enough luck to fix some aspect of my life, accidentally. Edit: If you were referring to meditation technique, then apologies.

I have seen concrete proof in the real world. By that I mean past experiences etc. I can't even tell you this without lying to you, because all I feel when I ask myself "Is it a feeling or sensation" is numbness. Hmm. This sounds promising. What Leo's meditation video you're referring to exactly? So if I understood you right, once I feel the negative emotions, if I don't feel too overwhelmed, I can go ahead and start telling myself different, more positive narrative? And visualize myself the way I want to be? So I don't stop meditation in any point? Just make playlist that would involve calm music for the first and second part. Well. I do feel a bit embarassed now :P. But I did actually do it, though my problem (generally in life) is... That I'm not constant about things I decide to do. I just keep sabotaging myself. Though when I was doing EFT (for not too long), I just felt super weird and silly. Like... "Some tapping will change my deep rooted subconscious limiting beliefs? Yeah right..." (that was my inner monologe lol). It can be done in a wrong way? How so? I was doing it like this: I was first addressing the problem I was having in life or the problem I am currently having (so I wasn't denying that) and then I said "But I accept and absolutely love myself". Example: "Even though I had some negative experiences with people when I was growing up and I felt absolutely miserable and alone... I choose to absolutely love and accept myself nevertheless." If this is how it is supposed to be done. I am actually so so happy for you. I love to hear that things can indeed change for people and that these techniques do birth some results and are not just some woo-woo stuff. It gets me excited about trying it even more. Sorry Federico, I will actually try this for few days or weeks and will report results back to you. I promise.