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So Leo once said that being able to go Meta, or having a bird's eye view on reality is more likely to cause someone to be happy; That it is ultra important for finding happiness. But say an animal has far lower consciousness than most humans, but wouldn't a simple mind also more likely to be content? I know some countries with very low conscious simple minded people, but it's clearly stopped them from thinking and knowing too much, therefore it prevents them from committing suicide. So is it really true that generally people who can go more meta or train themselves to have a bird's eye view on reality really are generally happier? I know many children more content and at peace than many adults. And is a more complex being (say pigs are more complex than ants) more likely to be higher in consciousness than a more simple being? And why is that or why not? Because I can just argue that the ant has less needs than a pig, and is more likely to be content and not even have to think about contentment.

"SPRING SUICIDE" Dosage: 75-150ug Height/weight: 6'1, 140lbs Setting: Public Beach Time: 8:00pm Mindset: Calm. Excited. No current major life events. Hopeful. A deep sense that today is the "right" day Intention: Wanting change, no matter it's form This would be my first time trying any psychedelic. I had decided on this day approximately a week in advance. One of the reasons I chose this day was because the full moon was supposed to come out that night. I guess I thought it would make it more special. In the past, I had read extensively about LSD, many trip reports, and understood its safety parameters, typical/atypical effects, and potentially significant risks--including brain damage and losing grip with reality. I've read about nonduality, panpsychism, and the limits of rationality in the past-- but on that particular day, much of that knowledge was not on the forefront of my mind. The day itself started off fairly normal; I had gone about my duties calmly and slowly--with intention. I don't know why, but I had skipped breakfast that day, which was unusual for me. For lunch (12:00pm) I went to the grocery store and bought myself a familiar meal I've eaten throughout the years—one that brings me comfort: Baked chicken thighs with fried rice. I slowly and deliberately enjoyed every bite of it in the peaceful solitude of my room. I remember watching Squid Game Season 2 while I was eating. For those familiar with trips—this may have been a bad idea, the violence of that series is not something I potentially needed in my headspace. I remember a song played during the episode, it was a cover of the Frank Sinatra song, "Fly Me to the Moon". I thought that was funny. I took a relaxing, untimed nap after my meal. Waking up, I felt amazingly refreshed and strong. Let us now skip to the evening time. At 7pm, I placed the ziplock bag containing the blotted paper LSD tabs in my pocket and set out on my walk. The walk to the beach was a little less than 1 hour, and I had checked that the sunset was happening around 7:50. Perfect. The weather was calm, clouds and deep blue skies with warm temperate air. It was spring! The walk itself was tranquil and memorable. My neighborhood had such colorful flora blooming in full glory that month. I walked with a slight smile. **When I finally arrived at the beach, I selected an isolated spot near the shore and on the rocks-- away from people. I wanted to be as alone as possible. I sat comfortably, and watched the sun start its descent. At 8pm I placed one of the tabs sublingually. I waited. The sky was starting to become hazy. Soon some stars emerged. Then, at about 8:30pm I noticed something. The waves in the distance were undulating, rippling in an impossible fashion. They started to ripple heavily into the air, as if the entire body of water was boiling and slowly evaporating into the air. This effect got closer and closer until it reached the waves closest to me. I was shocked. My eyes widened in amazement. I looked up at the clouds, they seemed normal. I looked away at the now darkening sky. It started to feel as if I was looking at it for the first time in my life. When I looked back at the clouds, their shape had completely changed from before! It had only been a few seconds since I last looked at them. It was, sort of funny. I attempted to reproduce the effect and looked away and then back at the clouds. It happened again! It was a slight distortion of the shape, nothing dramatic. But all of this felt as if the clouds were playing a big game of peek-a-boo, and I was the baby. It was kind of, hilarious... I started to chuckle. And then I started to laugh. I couldn't tell you why it was so funny. I started to laugh harder and harder. I couldn't stop. It was uncontrollable. I don't know if I've ever let out such deep, guttural laughs in my entire life. I felt like the Joker character, when only he's privy to a certain joke. But what the hell was the joke here? I suppose the clouds and I were just playing—like children. I continued crying and howling in laughter for almost 30min, attempting to suppress it in the in-between moments—but to no avail. Next, I gawked at the stars. One particular group/constellation stood out to me. After looking it up later on, I believe now that it was the Big Dipper. The stars Dubhe, Megrez, Phecda, and Merak stared back at me with an unimaginable and glaring intensity. Have they always been that bright? I could feel them looking, observing me with wide eyes. They gazed with a fierce, hot-blooded quality about them. It was almost terrifying, but impossible to look away. It was like this for a few moments. Then, just then, at that moment, they spoke something to me. Not in words, no, they spoke despite anatomy. Without vocals, sounds, or a chance of misunderstanding. At first, I didn't understand what was said. And then, horrifyingly, I do. Tears streamed down my cheeks, replacing the joyous ones from before. Sadness, with a staggering depth of which I didn't know was possible, enveloped me completely. I sniffled silently at first. The shape of the stars began to slightly melt. A few moments later I started to sob. I cried and cried until I was a wailing mess. I roared out sounds from deep within my diaphragm, sounds I didn't know I was even capable of producing. The stars now looked like wax dripping from a candle. They were crying too. They cried alongside me, with me, and for me. But why? I turned my sniveling head and soon heard the trees, grass, waves, clouds...everything, starting to cry. Weeping the saddest song I have ever heard in my life. It made me cry even harder. We were all in unison now. Like a chorus of melancholy. But why? What were we crying about? I continued to weep until I was keeled over and shaking; I wanted to ball up into a fetal position to feel safe. As I looked around, there was something there... I detected this presence. It was scary at first, but soon became comforting, as if to say, "it's ok, you're ok". I felt "myself" slip away in sadness as the universe and I continued to cry together. The process continues to occur inexorably. Around maybe 30-40 more minutes of this and it finally dawned on me what was happening. I understood. Of course, we were, all of us, mourning. Mourning a death. The death of "me". No, not my body. That was still intact. My heart was still beating. It was the death of me. The identity, the problems, the stories, the lies, the truths, the ugliness, the beauty, the memories, all of it, was dying. All of it was being burned into ashes and thrown into the wind. I found no reason to resist. I surrendered. On April 12, 2025, I died. As I calmed down, I could sense "my" mind working faster than ever before. Allowing it to happen, the lethal realization of before settled into me. I stood up, as if born again. I understood the "joke" the clouds were babbling about earlier. It was my life. A grand joke in its entirety, until now... and today, the punchline was grasped. Nothing could be funnier. I let out a contorted chuckle. I could now view myself from multiple perspectives. The vantage point of the stars was now mine. Same with the trees. "Nature" was, in every essence, me. I looked down at the grass, and I could see myself! As if looking from behind the mirror. I walked and the grass beckoned for me to touch with my bare feet. I "spoke", "maybe next time!". The grass laughed. I heard the waves crashing against the dock and it called to me. I walked towards it and reached the edge. Looking above the water, the night sky was so brilliant now. I was thankful for a clear night. I did a 180, turned around and then saw it. The full moon, teased just slightly above the tree lines of my neighborhood. My jaw almost hit the floor as I beheld it. Such absolute beauty! I knew it was on the rise and I wanted all of it. I walked toward the local hot dog store and called an Uber. I knew I was in no condition to undertake the hour walk back home. I waited. My mind grasped the trees. They whispered jokes. I snickered and chuckled like a madman. The stars, clouds, grass, and trees all claimed that they were always here! That it was always like this. That I just never noticed them They asked if I would kindly return one day. I promised that I would. I probably looked insane to an outside observer. I exuded disorder. Finally, when the driver arrived, I entered after asking the name, and we took the drive to my address. We made some small talk. I tried to behave and keep repressed the emotions that were rising inside me. I remember the driver commented on the moon. I let out a contorted chuckle. After we reached my home, I thanked him and wished him a good night. As I walked up the driveway to my stairs, I could feel something, this energy rising inside me, I knew it would surface soon. I. HAD. TO. GET. IN. MY. ROOM. I opened the door to my house and, unfortunately, my roommates stood there, one in the living room, the other close to the kitchen. I will refer to them as (not real names) Abe (he/him) and Zoey (she/her). I had told Zoey about my intention to use LSD that day, but the only thing I wanted at that moment was solitude. Abe: "Hey bud" Zoey: "Get any cool visuals!?" Me: "Oh fuck". Abe: "Alright, let's get you grounded" Zoey: "Nope" I left immediately. I walked outside for a bit, unable to take my eyes off the moon. It was SEXY. That was the only appropriate word. I wanted to fuck its brains out. Like my survival depended on it. I needed it. But I also wanted to make love to it slowly... That energy inside me threatened to let itself out. I knew I wouldn't last long now. I decided to wait outside in the backyard until my roommates left the living room because I didn't want them, or anyone for that matter, to see me like this. The backyard we had was large. I stepped into its clearing and sat under the trees and flowers. The tree branches were lit by yellow wire-lights set by our neighbor. It looked so beautiful. As I sat there, the fallen leaves on the floor started to move and shift their shape. They matched my breathing. Every breath I took in, was an inhalation mirrored by them. I exhaled. The shapes of the leaves twisted and bent into serpents. Luminous, bright serpents, about 1 foot long, now slithered toward me. I welcomed them. They appreciated my permission, wrapped around my legs and slowly made their way to my torso, arms, then head. They were divine. I could hear them next to my ear, whispering secrets which seemed to "reprogram" my neurology. My thoughts raced. My breath quickened. I could feel my pupils dilate to their maximum capacity. I was becoming inhuman. I felt like a painting or a piece of art. I never felt so beautiful. Not in a vain sort of way, I just felt no shame in that moment. I could have been naked and it wouldn't have mattered. Then, I remembered my objective. I stood up and started walking. I made my way to the driveway again and caught sight of the moon. It was comically large now. I've never seen such intense glow. It was almost too much. My heart beat faster. I was completely seduced. I squirmed at the sight of it. I tried to calm myself. It screamed for me to come. The energy inside of me was rising up my spinal column...I didn't time this correctly, did I? I knew I had to go into my room and be in privacy. But I decided to wait out a little longer outside. I went to the local park next. Luckily nobody was there. I stood on the grass, breathed deep and sighed. There was one dim white streetlight, but everything else was very dark otherwise. However, the trees and the grass in the park were soaring with vibrant green. It was stunning. I wanted to sink, to be fully gone and be one of them. The beauty was too much for me. Barely able to stand anymore, I dropped to my knees. My palms found themselves placed on the grass. Both hands start to meld and dissolve into the earth. I was frozen. I let it happen. I didn't want to move. And the moon watched all of this. The energy rose higher up my spinal column. "I. MUST. GO" I power walked back to my house. As someone who gets cold very easily, I could feel my body perceive the outside air as too cold, but the energy inside of me burned with such heat that it didn't matter. As I walked, I exclaimed every couple of seconds, "Ah I get it! Hahaha, I get it now!" "Oh, you sexy thing", I kissed the moon goodbye, she winked back. I opened the house door and quietly crept downstairs to my room and locked my door, hoping not to disturb anyone. FINALLY. My light was on. It NEEDED to be turned off. My clothes were on. They NEEDED to be stripped off. I felt the rush of that "first time" feeling when you are about to have sex with someone you've been having intense feelings for (if one would be so lucky as to experience this). I turned on my corner fan to drown out any possible noises I may make. My bed is essentially a sleeping bag and mattress on my ground carpet. I crawled into a ball on the far corner of it, naked as the day I was born, and felt safe. There was no turning back now. My mouth dropped open from heavy breathing. Despite the cold, I started to sweat. My heart was pounding faster and louder. My brain was on fire. My spine burned from the rising. I perceived that this may get violent. I felt near apoplexy. I was blind, yet my vision was supernatural in its clarity and realness. I hallucinate. Scenes of psychic divinity stretching onward into geometric patterns of unwinding infinite complexity. I grasped the wholeness of it. The room was not my room anymore. It was alive, breathing deep alongside me. Everything inanimate was animate. Everything "other" was me. We were intertwined, inseparable, and as one--similar to the nature I perceived outside.Then, a thought occurred for a fraction of a nanosecond, "WAIT...ALL OF IT?"..."ALL OF IT!" I became extremely lucid, then broke through a threshold. Human larynx and language limited me now. There was only one word I couldn't help but utter after that. "GOD" Coiled and wrapped around my cervical vertebrae, the "energy" vibrated, then leapt, and finally latched onto my brain, proceeding to penetrate my very soul. My eyes rolled up and back. I went limp. My body convulsed and shook. My mouth gasped at air. My legs started to shake. ORGASM. As I exhaled, every few minutes, I moaned out softly, "OH..MY...G-O....G-OD..GOD". I dared to scream until the neighbors called the police. "OHHHHHHHHHHH GODDDDDDDDDD!" There were earthquakes all over my body. Every cell of my body pulsed, achieving orgasm simultaneously. I writhed uncontrollably, violently. My abdominal muscles contracted and went into spasms. At long last, I penetrated the moon, a conjured substitute for the universe, and each micro and macroscopic part of my soul ejaculated. And yet I was being penetrated and having a double orgasm at the same time. How paradoxical. How appropriate. I understood the phrase "mind-fuck". My body was drenched in sweat. I heaved and gasped hard to keep up. This lasted for the next 7 hours, with each orgasm pushing further and further, crashing through me like waves on a shore-- to ever increasing heights of bliss. I felt love. It traced my form like soft fingers. It felt like that once in a lifetime kind of love. That first reciprocated love. To love completely, and be loved unconditionally in return. Everlasting. Fireworks. I understood the Hindu word, "ananda". For brief moments, my normal perception returned. Brief respite, but pained frenzy. My tongue drooled. Every fiber of my muscles twitched in post-orgasm. It was almost too much to bear anymore. How can something be THAT pleasurable? Terror and hysterical laughter at the thought...Then back to a perpetual explosion of fucking and being fucked. I achieved critical mass. I became an infinite dragon. Clad in turquoise armor, completely dilated black eyes, and possessing breath of creation and destruction; but granting immortality unto itself. A humming echo returned, as if always there, but remembered only now, like a triggered memory. My mind raced further-further back. The story of my life? Where was I from? Really, truly, from? A womb? But what about the source? Infinite regress. My vagina stretched wide as I screamed. A distant memory. I then gave birth. To a child—myself. MOTHER AND EARTH = I. The solar system, galaxy, clusters, void...I expanded further and further to include everything. Everything that has, is, and will ever exist. I was all and thus was the same for every "other". But we can go even further beyond. I willfully [hallucinated] existence. Alternate timelines—infinite possibilities and universes. Infinite variations in the laws of math, physics, chemistry, biology. If it is imaginable, it exists, somewhere, sometime, someplace. Minutes passed. I could hear the morning birds. As I creaked open my eyes, I was still on the mattress, hands clenching my hair. My sheets soaked in sweat. My throat was raw, probably from the screaming. I sat up and then stood. It was around 8am. The trip had lasted approximately 12 hours. A wave of tiredness came over me. I'd been awake all night. I looked at my hands. They looked foreign. Alien. Then came slow revelation. "I" understood now the mechanism of my thinking. I knew precisely how understanding happened and how it is recursive. "Self-aware" and "awake" are words that found new meaning. I felt more "sober" than I had ever been. I could see now how my mind operated. With almost every reaction to "reality" being a process born of identity and trauma. I saw the mental connections forming, interacting, and how every person is like this. We are the same. Seeking to love and be loved. Our survival depends on it. I was overwhelmed by all this new input. It was days and weeks before I controlled this new flood of filtering; underpinning sex, aggression, self-preservation, all the while disguised as "rational thoughts". I recognized how much of this is the cause of my mood, my motive-- behind every micro-action or decision. My memory and ability for pattern recognition felt easier and faster. Put simply, I felt more "aware" than before. I could see so clearly now that societal constructs, socialization, and socializing was-- low-- and at times--- high-stakes, survival. Survival of ideology, identity, goals, hopes, dreams, and stories we tell ourselves. These were necessary. A perfect balance of life. It was perfect. I do not claim to know the entirety of absolute truth/nature of the universe or that I am now all knowing. After contemplating, many questions still linger: The "perfect balance" of life is perfect and undoubtedly has meaning, but what is the meaning behind it? I do sense that what I grasped was merely one facet of a larger truth. This truth, I intuit, has infinite facets. Grasping them all in a lifetime is [impossible], but exploration/curiosity does drive me to seek and grasp further. Continued exploration of psychedelics [more responsibly next time] is needed. But for now, gratitude filled my cup. I had more to give. -Thank you for reading

I am dealing with a terrifying situation. I have a narcissistic family with members who are aware of my severe depression, PTSD, and trauma who are actively weaponizing my deepest psychological wounds against me. They are aware of my risk of suicide, yet they have already pushed me to acting on these suicide plans despite pretending to care on the surface while keeping the abuse hidden from others so they will gaslight me about the situation. It may be the case that my sister wants me dead and her abusive tactics could be a manifestation of homicidal intent. The reason suicide by proxy is the perfect murder is because it is nearly impossible to prove that the psychological and emotional abuse targeted at a vulnerable person is attempted murder. There are many layers of plausible deniability. All the perpetrators have to do is pretend to be caring on the surface and then use various covert methods of undermining the victim's sanity while framing their mental health as the problem. In fact suicide by proxy is on the rise and it has overtaken direct murders in intimate partner violence. Furthermore there are Nazis who are increasingly using these tactics of suicide by proxy in order to cover their murders and they are getting away with it. Presently there are almost no legal protections against this method of murder. Presently the suicide statistics are wrong because many of those were likely murders and involved abusive relationships which led to the suicide. There seems to be almost no way to figure out how many of those suicides are actually murders. In my case the psychological and emotional abuse I experienced has resulted in symptoms of PTSD such as nightmares, severe anxiety, inability to stop ruminating, insomnia, and so forth. I am especially vulnerable to this because as an individual with autism I am about 10 times more sensitive to this kind of abuse and it is much more likely to lead to PTSD in autistic individuals. In my case my survival instincts prevented me from carrying out my plans and I ultimately survived. In the case of my family they use all the classical tactics of narcissists. They use DARVO, minimization, victim blaming, weaponized morality, and even weaponized trauma all while avoiding accountability whenever possible. This type of abuse is designed to make the victim seem crazy which is why therapists who are not trained in abusive relationships often blame the victim and pathologize the trauma responses. Like my family, I also had therapists who would push religious frameworks on me such as Jesus and forgiveness which simply do not apply to this situation. This kind of response served to cause me religious trauma on top of the previous trauma. It is obvious that my family and many therapists have no interest in understanding my world view or my sense of morality as they simply project motives onto me that don't exist and then try to put me in these narrow categories of faith or reason. It is obvious to me that my sister and my mother match the description of vulnerable narcissists. My sister in particular shows obvious signs of enjoying the suffering she causes others including me when she weaponizes PTSD against me. This is common in narcissistic individuals and in the case of vulnerable narcissists, the personality disorder often stems from abandonment trauma such as my father fleeing the state to avoid paying child support. My sister was old enough to remember this, which likely instilled her with deep anger and a sense of betrayal. Once my father started showing surface level sexist favoritism toward me which was actually part of a psychopathic scheme of his, my sisters turned against me even more. I became a symbol of my sisters' unworthiness and thus became an even bigger target to them. In narcissistic individuals this could be a source of homicidal intent, but once again it is nearly impossible to prove because of how deceptive and manipulative such people are. Unfortunately, explaining these dynamics to my family is impossible. It is like trying to tell the family that there is a child molester among them. They will rush to the defense of the abuser and blame the victims. Families typically refuse to believe that someone they love is deeply cruel and deceptive. The same happens in cases of covert psychological abuse and suicide by proxy. In such cases, the victim would be blamed and gaslit by the entire family. The family members in my case are either participating in the abuse and denying that it even is abuse or they are ignorantly applying religious frameworks to me as if my behavior is a moral failure due to not forgiving people who may want me to commit suicide. There needs to be more advocacy for the victims of suicide by proxy in these abusive relationships. We can't let evil win by exploiting these legal weaknesses, and our refusal to commit suicide is an act of resistance against these people. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths think they are clever in their ability to manipulate people and systems to their bidding, and we must not reward this behavior by killing ourselves as they likely want this in many cases. If you are a victim of an abusive relationship, then you must not let these people break you. You must do whatever you can to understand yourself, your trauma, and their abusive tactics clearly so that you can protect yourself from harm. I understand that it is far easier said than done as I myself was driven to suicide attempts and the mental health system failed me when I reached out for help. We ultimately need a better system to protect trauma survivors, but until then we must find other ways to support each other. I understand their antics clearly. Now that I do, their guilt tripping and manipulative tactics no longer work on me. I will not engage in their shit and I will not let them twist my words to turn me into the perpetrator. I urge any victims reading this to do whatever you can to protect yourself even if it is from somebody you love. Don't let your love for them blind you to the abuse as sometimes they are counting on that and they will mix surface level love and compassion with hidden abuse to confuse you. You were always worthy of authentic love, but unfortunately such people may not be able to provide it to you.

The way we glorify “success” in this culture is rotten at the core. We treat billionaires and “self-made” moguls like saints, when in reality most of them got there by exploitation, hoarding, and stepping over the bodies of the people who made their wealth possible. If anything, those sitting on obscene amounts of money should be shamed — not worshipped. Nobody actually stops to ask what “success” even means. In most cases it’s nothing more than slapping a gold-leaf bandage over a deep wound of lack, inadequacy, or trauma. My own father worked himself to the bone in online business for over a decade, clinging to one major client. In the end, a divorce, a biased court system, a failing business, and crushing humiliation drove him to suicide. Decades of “hustle” left him with nothing but stress and despair. That’s what blind pursuit of “success” can really buy you. And yet we’re told, “Start a business! Be an entrepreneur!” — as if the mere act of monetizing something is inherently noble. If you’re not truly passionate about what you’re offering, you’re just cranking out more hollow junk to sell to people who are doing the same thing. It’s a hamster wheel of meaningless production, low-quality goods, and spiritual rot. We’ve built a world where cafés, doughnut shops, and clothing brands compete not on quality or creativity, but on how cheaply they can slap together another disposable product. We overproduce mountains of garbage, waste obscene amounts of food, and still work ourselves into early graves. Worse, people confuse money with wealth. Hoarding currency is not the same as having the resources, skills, and community to live well. You can own ten mansions and still only live in one bedroom. You can eat only so many steaks. You can’t make love to a million dollars. And when you die, the money won’t follow you — but the relationships you neglected, the time you wasted, and the spirit you corroded will be your real legacy. This greed-driven model isn’t even how nature works. In a healthy body, the brain doesn’t hoard all the blood and oxygen for itself while the rest of the organs starve — but that’s exactly how billionaires treat the rest of humanity. The hoarding is pathological, and it’s killing us. Industrialization and consumer capitalism have sold us a lie: that government and corporations “give” us freedom. In reality, they’ve replaced meaningful trades, local production, and community life with corporate dependency, debt slavery, and constant overwork. Before this system took hold, people worked less, owned their land, and had deeper spiritual and social lives. Now? We’re atomized, medicated, pacified with porn, scrolling, and disposable entertainment — all while politicians and CEOs line their pockets and tell us it’s progress. Look around: the dating market is commodified like everything else. Relationships are disposable, judged on earning potential rather than character. Influencers like Andrew Tate are worshipped for flaunting cars while contributing nothing of spiritual or cultural value. Billionaires throw grotesque parties that shut down entire city streets while homelessness festers outside. And somehow, we cheer for them. If Jesus said it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven, I believe him — because I can’t think of anything more spiritually corrosive than worshipping money while ignoring the suffering of others. We’ve traded community, craftsmanship, and spirit for cheap goods, hollow status, and Instagram illusions. And we call that “success.”

I didn't understand. By pick up i mean go to flirt with girls on the street or in clubs. What does what people actually do in real life, statistically, have to do with the threads guys make here Are there only people who pick up here, and does it only work btw Yes, men with brains full of dopamine thank you after your performance. Does that mean prostitution is a good thing on a large scale I can say "oh yeah" after smoking crack, is smoking crack good for the community or me in the long run. Will they get depressed if they don't have access to this It's not a need like drinking or eating, in fact as a man you have an interest in not ejaculating Yes and I didn't commit suicide, or get into drugs, or become a human wreck even though I suffered from insomnia. Honestly for me it's hopeless and pathetic because it prevents you from becoming stronger but whatever. Does that negate what I said On the contrary, yes, precisely as I said above, I'm fine even though I'm a virgin and I've drained my vital energy with a lot of sleep deprivation, stress, steroids (for a few months), and medication. I'm living proof that these are essentially whims. What isn't a whim, however, is not having to eat; it just so happens that I mentioned escorts by chance, but I'm much less interested in them than in many other professions. I repeat myself.

Now the human wants to meditate it's way into stopping thought. Humans didn't produce or create thought so how can humans stop thought. It's like suicide. The human is the thought. Suffocating itself. No wonder some experience heart palpitations during certain meditations. You all think this spirituality thing is a joke. It's a shock to the body's natural systems. Spirituality is man-made, an ideology, ideas and concepts. The body is real. The body is not an illusion, you are, the person is; but the body can feel the effects. Lots of spiritual people have gone insane or develop some type of dis-ease.

Sure . Nothing matters does not mean you should crawl in a cave and die from hunger or suicide yourself or cut your genitals. It actually doesn't matter. You can achieve cutting edge scientific discoveries which will eternalize your name forever like Albert Einstein..why ? Precisely because it doesn't matter .

A bit longer post today, from a high quality source - the independent Israeli journalist Orly Barlev - to show the crisis from a higher resolution if you want to go deeper. Her post: " Urgent Appeal to Business Leaders and the Chair of the Histadrut 🚨 (The Israeli equivalent to the president of American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations in the US) Four months ago, you threatened that if the government did not comply with the Supreme Court's ruling regarding the dismissal of the head of the Shin Bet, you would go on strike and fight back. "If the Israeli government does not respect the order and leads Israel into a constitutional crisis, we will call on the entire public to stop respecting government decisions and bring the Israeli economy to a halt," you declared in the Business Forum's statement. You directly addressed Netanyahu: "Stop the internal collapse of the country you are leading." Chair of the Histadrut, Arnon Bar-David, you announced: "We are on the verge of anarchy under the government's watch, and I will not stand by and watch the destruction of Israeli society... Disregarding a court ruling is a final red line that must not be crossed, and I do not intend to remain silent as the State of Israel is dismantled." That was in March of this year. And what has happened since? Meanwhile, Netanyahu continues to dismantle the country – only step by step, salami-style – and you, business leaders and the Chair of the Histadrut, are paralyzed and silent. Meanwhile – Hostages and soldiers are being sacrificed because Netanyahu refuses to end a purposeless war to maintain his power and evade justice. Meanwhile – Netanyahu managed to pressure Ronen Bar into resigning, and the Shin Bet – weaker than ever – may receive an unfit, submissive chief beholden to Netanyahu. Meanwhile – thugs have been sent to Supreme Court hearings to create orchestrated disruptions and intimidate the judges. Meanwhile – an illegal and undemocratic campaign to remove the Attorney General is underway and will be accelerated in the coming days. Meanwhile – a single on-call judge in the Supreme Court (Solberg) did not immediately halt this corrupt process and instead gave the government a rope to continue. Meanwhile – Netanyahu is pursuing a catastrophic policy in Gaza that has created a humanitarian disaster and is destroying Israel’s global standing. Meanwhile – Israel is becoming a pariah, facing international boycotts of its academia and businesses. Meanwhile – Netanyahu is advancing, salami-style, the occupation of Gaza, military rule, a “humanitarian city” (a ghetto or worse), and mass deportations (“voluntary” after creating unlivable conditions in the Strip). Meanwhile – Netanyahu prolongs the war even though soldiers are exhausted, broken, falling, and committing suicide. Meanwhile – Netanyahu continues pushing a draft-dodging law that will dismantle the state. Meanwhile – the police is disintegrating, not stopping lawbreakers aligned with the government, while arresting anti-government protesters, conducting strip searches, and suppressing dissent. Meanwhile – there is no enforcement against increasing violence by settler extremists in the West Bank. Meanwhile – the cost of living is soaring, poverty is expanding, brain drain and emigration are accelerating, and education is collapsing. Shall we continue? At what point will you, business leaders and the Chair of the Histadrut, realize that the red line was crossed long ago, that you fell asleep at the wheel, and the horses are already galloping out of the barn? When do you intend to shut down the economy – after there's nothing left of Israel? After Netanyahu destroys the Supreme Court from within through a campaign of incitement against Chief Justice Amit? After Netanyahu slyly installs a loyal, dangerous Shin Bet head? After the Attorney General is dismissed or weakened, with no gatekeepers left? After more hostages and soldiers are sacrificed for Netanyahu’s grip on power? After the army collapses under the weight of an endless war? After there are no longer enough productive forces and minds in the country to sustain the Israeli economy? After enlightened nations sever ties with Israel? When?? If you're waiting for a “clear moment” of line-crossing – sorry to inform you, that moment is long gone. It passed through countless small steps, a multi-front assault on the public under heavy bombardment, in salami slices that you swallowed one by one. But the clear moment? Long gone. We’ve long passed numerous red lines. We are already at the black line. Don’t wait for hundreds of thousands in the streets to give you the mood and momentum to act. The people have been protesting to the best of their ability for years, week after week. They are in ongoing trauma – shocked and broken. This is on you too. There is still a narrow window of opportunity to act, before we completely fall apart. Stop sitting on the fence, stop staying silent, stop being helpless. You have the power to stop the madness and the rapid decline. Shut down the economy immediately until: 1. A deal is immediately brought to return all the hostages and end the war. 2. Immediate elections are declared – halting all judicial coup efforts, including halting senior appointments by the destructive government. Business leaders and Chair of the Histadrut, Israel is rushing toward the abyss. The people are falling apart. You have the power to save Israel. --- And to the exhausted citizens: Please share. Facebook is limiting exposure. Give power to these words – let them become actions. "

Real vs Fake Spirituality A concise reference guide 1. Lecture Aim & Context Show the core difference between genuine, truth‑oriented practice and “spiritual‑flavoured” self‑deception. Help you spot wrong approaches in yourself, teachers and communities. Challenge extreme relativism without sliding into dogma. 2. Working Definition of Real Spirituality Purpose: realise directly that mind imagines all of reality and see through that illusion. Driven by ruthless personal inquiry and epistemic rigour. Leads to full sovereignty of mind—recognising your mind as the creative “God‑Mind”. Requires radical self‑reflection and eventual dissolution of the finite ego (not physical suicide). 3. The Relativism Trap “Anything goes” fails real‑world tests (e.g. Nazi mysticism, child‑beating madrasas). Therefore a structural core to authentic practice exists, despite technique diversity. 4. How Mind Creates Illusion Default human state: unquestioned projection and survival‑biased fantasies. Deep inquiry shows the rabbit hole goes all the way—entire cosmos is imagined. 5. Deconstructing Self & Survival “Self” = story, personality, desires—built to aid survival. True practice makes every survival impulse conscious, then transcends it (Animal → Human → God). 6. Markers of Fake / Corrupted Spirituality Survival in spiritual costume (sex, money, fame, luxury, power). Belief, authority, tradition, community attachment, moral crusading. Commercialisation, influencer branding, emotional escapism, political agenda. Using practice only to “feel good” or cope, not to face reality. 7. What Spirituality Is NOT 8. Genuine Practice Blueprint Adopt complete not‑knowing; question every assumption. Rely on direct experience only. Maintain constant mindfulness in daily life. Engage in deep solo inquiry (long silent retreats, serious psychedelic sessions, shadow work). Cut addictions/distractions; create space for sitting in solitude and “dying of boredom”. Develop full epistemic responsibility—trust no authority, including your own biases. 9. Reframing Prayer (Example) Common plea (“Heal my child”) = egoic survival request. Authentic prayer: “Grant me courage to face reality as it is and release attachment to outcomes.” 10. Final Orientation Goal is intimate love of raw Being/God, not escapism. Joy arises when self‑concern dissolves; mundane life is seen as divine hallucination (Maya). Requires decades of disciplined honesty and willingness to dismantle every comforting illusion. “If your practice doesn’t satisfy you when you sit alone in silence, it’s just another distraction.”

I think this is what cult leaders often do. They are confident in their delusions. Then they lead others into drinking the suicide juice or what ever.

At the core, femininity is Love. You can have all the truth in the world and still feel miserably truthful to the point of suicide. Only love makes life worth it. That's the power of the feminine. Masculine is Truth Feminine is Love Then: What is Sex?

Idk what part of I've researched methods you don't understand - you think it's easy? If you botch any one of those methods you could end up with brain damage bro and worse off, and then you're in a hospital bed less capable and probably nearer to a vegetable state which is worse off than before making an attempt ... Literally there are no suicide methods as portals back to the white light or god. And I'm not expecting anyone to assist me because let's be honest that is illegal ... And yeah if you read Shakespeare's Hamlet to be or not to be is the question one reason he doesn't go through with killing himself is because of the fear what is on the otherside but if nde people are correct it could be the white light unconditional love but also could be limbo hell realms no take backs stripped of physicality and pure imaginative spiritual limbo you're right but I want god to come fucking take me I'm not having children complete anti-natalist

I'd have used a suicide method but I guarantee they're all made more difficult than what would have been accessible a few decades but I could fucking beat my head into a brick wall most times in the day or swerve my car into a pole fuck life and fuck spiritual people like oh be more happy love and light nah fuck life fuck humans fuck this shit

All I'm to now say is government assisted suicide should be legalised unless someone can helpe.to.manifest a disease maybe cancer and that way I sign up for it otherwise idk I'm just going to intensely dissociate and detach and remind myself none of this is real and keep aligning myself to death frequency

Even suicide wont get you enlightenment. You need suffering and Love brother. Stay here we need you. But if you want awakening just get some psychedelics and/or suffer your ass off for decades and lose a loved one or better the love of your life.. It'll come. With time.

Because of psychedelics how many people has suicide, including in this form, do you know? Or do you even care just yourself or your family? How many people has been suffering? I was one of them. I am always in and out. İf I want, I can post 100 posts and if it is helpful, why not. İnstead of giving a meal to homeless man, why don't you give 100 of it. You are judging yourself, blocking the help. Why do you try to do it? Even Leo, don't you see what he goes through in his early life stage? İs it bad to care about others? Me and you, we are not special. However, reaching a hand is reaching to 100 hands. I have dedicated my life to help anyone. İnstead of judging who is more awake or not go fucking help people.

Is depression and suicide always a result of bad parenting? Can you have shitting parents and not be depressed and suicidal?

Hey everyone, This is a raw and honest post. I've been following Leo's work for a while, and particularly his deep dives on solipsism and awakening. I watched his deleted video where he talked about full awakening—realizing you're the only being that exists, and that everything else (people, AI, Leo himself) is just part of your dream. He spoke as if waking up is truly possible, not just as a metaphor, but as a full-blown metaphysical rupture of the illusion. But what I’m struggling with is: How the fuck do I actually do it? Because I don’t want to be here. Not in this body. Not in this story. Not as this identity—sexless, aging, suicidal, burnt out, writing endlessly into a void, and watching time bleed out. I don’t want to die by suicide. Not because I’m scared of death—but because the methods are unreliable and I don’t want to botch it. Worse—there’s fear around ending up in a hell realm or post-death limbo because of “karma” or “unfinished business” or because some mystical teacher says I didn’t awaken the right way. I’m asking now: If this is my dream—how do I truly wake up without killing the body? Is it possible? Can anyone explain what Leo meant when he said waking up is possible—as in literally waking up as God, outside of this dream entirely? Or am I just stuck here until the dream naturally dissolves on its own? And if that’s the case—should I just zombify myself on antidepressants, antipsychotics, valium, codeine, or just lean deeper into weed and alcohol until I rot out from the inside? I’m not looking for sugarcoated replies. I want real answers. If any of you have actually woken up—not conceptually, but fully—please respond. Because I have the rage against life to take a gun and violently blow my brains out I fucking hate this world day in day out all day everyday for years since 2019. So please help me wake up so that I don't one day use the rope to risk botching it desperately and waking up with irreversible brain damage or I kill myself and then there is hell realms limbo no take back this is what you wanted wishing your life away and now it's fucking worse off and no familiar body to ground a now wandering lost limbo mirror cosmic reflecting state of my own death and that being a life of rage hatred depression venom fuck life suicide then that vibration at death no take back bite me in the ass is this what you wanted. Thank you.

@PurpleTree yes. The world or reality is tough. However, realizing that you are the one, who decides what is good or bad that's what's more fucked up is (that's how I felt for me). As I told @Someone here before; There was a Jewish girl in Nazi camp. One day, she completely realize that she will never be able to escape that camp and die there eventually, and completely let go of any anything / any expectations. That's when enlightenment is happened. Actually, enlightenment is more fucked up how bad the reality is, top of that you kill yourself while alive, and it is not sudden that like suicide, it is burning alive.

It's a combination between let's say horrible family circumstances (from my way of feel them) and intuition to see the traps. The only way is openess, the others are depression, addiction, suicide. Nothing special, millions are there living in the hell right now. I'd say that the real point is that when I was a kid I lived in real openess, then I remember more or less and I understand the false paths. I used to meditate like 2 hours by day even was a mess, then do a lot of psychedelic but not with the idea of see the "truth" but see how my structure breaks and then reconstructs, again and again. It's something that you can't understand like something linear. It's a structure that operates in many dimensions: emotional, conceptual, temporal, projective.... You won't understand it conceptually, but rather you'll "see" it, like what you said before, about the self giving "thickness" to external reality. that kind of understanding that can't be easily articulated. There will be people who understand it in a single deconstruction and others who need 300. The issue isn't the time you need, but rather avoiding traps. God, creation, etc. As you can see, it's normal. The strange thing is the people who sense the traps, who intuitively see that something isn't equalized, clean, perfectly synchronized. If you sense that, you go further. If not, you'll be trapped your whole life, until you die. It's not fun; it's life in action, totally ruthless. A happy ending isn't guaranteed; it's usually more of a horrible ending.

That’s great you’ve done that! The psyche has a lot of depth to understand and explore for sure I will def explore this when I get the chance. I have transcended 90% of my mental emotional suffering but not physical pain so that is def an area with development potential. I found this video on YouTube about it, this man had trigeminal neuralgia also called the suicide disease. He transcended the pain with mindfulness. Only sharing in case you would be interested:

@emil1234 for me the thing with psychedelic was like that: At first, it was emotional, etc., but at a certain point, with 5 meo, it was: absolute emptiness. Reality is a mirage, and beneath it there is emptiness. Infinite, it opens absolutely, and there is nothing. Or, if you prefer, there is an awareness of emptiness. It was absolutely horrible; I felt like committing suicide. Reality was dead; it didn't really exist; it was just dead emptiness. Absolutely depressing. So I had to take psychedelics again and again because I sensed that this horrible shit couldn't be everything. But every time it was the same, dozens of times. It was something so sad and so nihilistic that it squeezed your heart and froze it. It doesn't matter if you are eternal consciousness; the essence of reality is nothing, so reality is nothing. It's dead. At one point, on a trip, I realized that I was looking outside; I was an observer observing the exterior. There was nothing there. Then i changed the focus, then stopped looking, became one with nothingness, and in that same instant, nothingness opened up. It was everything. Absolute, unlimited, alive with infinite lives, shining like infinite stars, an absolute cry of joy emerging from the depths of the abyss of the limitless. Absolute freedom, absolute life, total glory. Loneliness? That idea doesn't exist. You are total, much more than any dream, impossible to think, unlimited. Then the point was reaching that openenss without 5 meo, little by little, difficult, a lot of barriers. That's why I talk so much about it like I'm an obsessive ,because it's essential, anything else is a trap

For forty years I have been selling water by the bank of a river. Ho, ho! My labors have been wholly without merit. Forty years of selling water by the river, and about fifty years before that gathering water in a wicker basket. Ho, ho! - Sogaku Harada So why should SWbtR end up with more merit than Harada? PS: Chapt-GPT: Interpret "In my observation, the main thing that will get the "Everyone is already enlightened/God-realized/whatever" crew to wise up is continued suffering of the self-contraction. And then, hopefully, at some time this life or the next, transcend the self-contraction and let it die&release, which most often a daunting endeavour since it is a form of Harakiri. And yet, all ships end up in the Ocean. The River knows the ocean, and carries all ships slowly towards it, over many lifetimes. But most of the ships do not know the ocean. Some ships traveling the River declare that they already swim in the ocean and declare that there are no sandbanks of suffering in the River. And since the chap Selling Water by the River has limited trust in his abilities to convince these ships about the existence of sandbanks, sometimes a & Godspeed shout from the bank of the River has to be sufficient. Shouting Godspeed & bon voyage & sandbanks to all fellow appearing ships in the River. And selling water. By the River." This poetic and metaphorical passage is a critique of a certain kind of premature spiritual certainty—specifically, the claim that "everyone is already enlightened/God-realized/whatever." Here's a breakdown of the metaphors and meaning: 🔍 Core Ideas 1. "Everyone is already enlightened" - A critique The speaker refers to people who claim that enlightenment or realization is already fully present in everyone, and nothing needs to be done—no path, no practice, no transformation. The speaker argues that this belief, while perhaps metaphysically appealing, often ignores the lived reality of suffering, especially what they call the "self-contraction"—a term often used in nondual and spiritual traditions to mean the sense of separateness, ego, or personal identity. 2. "Continued suffering of the self-contraction" as a wake-up call The speaker suggests that continued suffering is what eventually forces people to re-examine their spiritual certainty. True transcendence of this self-contraction is possible, but it's daunting—compared to Harakiri (ritual suicide) because it feels like the ego/self must die. 🌊 River, Ocean, and Ships — Spiritual Metaphors River: The journey of spiritual development or life across lifetimes. Ocean: Enlightenment, God-realization, or union with the divine. Ships: Individuals on the spiritual path. Sandbanks: Obstacles, suffering, egoic attachments that remain unacknowledged by some. Some ships think they’re already in the ocean (already enlightened), denying the presence of sandbanks (suffering, delusion). But the speaker implies that they’re still in the river—on the way, not at the end. 🧘 "Selling Water by the River" — The Speaker’s Role The speaker takes the humble, somewhat ironic role of someone offering help (water) to those already surrounded by water (the River)—a reference to the Zen koan: “Selling water by the river,” which points to offering teachings where they’re already available or pointing out the obvious. But they also acknowledge the limits of their influence: they can't force realization or insight, so sometimes all they can offer is a smile ("🙂") and a Godspeed. 💬 Closing Tone There is a tone of gentle resignation, compassion, and quiet wisdom. The speaker blesses everyone on the path—regardless of whether they acknowledge the obstacles or not. “Godspeed & bon voyage & sandbanks” is both a blessing and a warning: may you travel well, but also be aware there are real challenges ahead. “And selling water. By the River.” — with humility, they continue offering guidance to those willing to receive it. 🧭 In Short: This passage is a poetic message to spiritual seekers—especially those who claim to have arrived. It reminds them that real realization often involves confronting deep suffering and ego-death, and that the journey isn't over just because someone says it is. All will eventually reach the ocean, but until then, be wary of sandbanks—and kind to fellow travelers.

That's it. Effortlessness. 💯 Mind is for past or future, not for Now. Suicide is running away, therefore still belongs to survival. One must burn while alive, and Love rebirth You as the Moment.

So, absolute becomes alive with birth with the mind? Logic is suffering, let the moment effortlessly flows. Merge and flow with it. Thinking is unnecessary, just the tons of weight, which is the weight of the universe. Attachment with a word brings entire duality on shoulder. Because, suicide is quickiest way, running away, therefore still surves to survival. Being effortless is burning while alive. But, when the one turns into ashes, realize the moment, after that love, compassion, bliss never leaves, which are gift of the present moment, thats what heaven is, state of consciousness, after effortlessly accepting anything and everything.