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Breakingthewall

A wound

31 posts in this topic

 

Many people have a wound, a thorn in their heart, a hole in their soul. Many don’t realize it, because that thorn is not something definable, but a configuration in the structure of their psyche, in the existential structure we call human.

This energetic structure emits constant vibration, and this vibration is confused with the wound. Negative thoughts, rumination, suffering, dissonance. these are the consequences of a structure that was formed at a given moment and is written in fire.

The human psyche works this way. Just as a tree forms its structures from carbon, light, and space, the psyche creates its energetic structures through human relationship. The origin of the wound is always the same: lack of love

Once these structures are formed, they are extremely difficult to modify. They are basic, and upon them is erected the structural building of the psyche, the way you are as a human.

No matter how much you try to change them, it’s like trying to reshape the structure of a tree. You can bend it a little, change its appearance, cover it in other colors, but it will still be there.

When those structures produce suffering, there is a call for change. The only real change is to transcend the psyche, to pass through it and deactivate its charge. To make the structure transparent and operate from openness.

There is no trick or escape possible. The thorn will always reveal its reality to you one way or another. You can’t escape.

Look: every structure is a structure that gives shape to a matter. This matter is existence, becoming. it is the expression of reality, of the totality.

You must make your way toward the total. Open your heart to it. And then realize you are not opening to it, you are opening it within yourself. Let's say that at first you perceive that you are opening your heart to it, then that it is in your heart, and then that you are that. 

The fire of the total burns the structure, incinerates it, and renders it inert. It remains, but it is transparent. a mere structural support, without poison, without energy.

The fire of the total burns like a star for a moment. But if it goes out, the structure gradually regains energetic charge.

It must burn just beneath the surface constantly, to keep the structure inert, until you permanently realize that you are the fire. The eternal flame that springs from the unlimited.

And any thorn is just the key to open the door.

No one can tell you how to do it, because each enigma has its own solution.
You are life flowing in the abyss of existence, creating the path with your own movement.
Your power is the power of reality, because you are the reality.
This perception lies just beneath the surface: expansion that creates universes, dimensions, realities.

 

Edited by Breakingthewall

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Many, if not most, people have minds that functions in such a way where a significant portion of their attention rests on the external. Attention somewhere means less attention elsewhere. The lack of attention inwards on the psyche contributes to the psyche remaining in tact and not dissolving.
 

Unawareness, in-attention on the self contributes to keeping it alive. Because the internal is not being properly seen for what it is, is not able to be properly investigated, is not being properly faced, is not being penetrated by attention.
 

It’s like attention/awareness when shining on the mind/self drives the dissolution of it. 
 

From my experience 

Edited by Sugarcoat

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5 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Many, if not most, people have minds that functions in such a way where a significant portion of their attention rests on the external. Attention somewhere means less attention elsewhere. The lack of attention inwards on the psyche contributes to the psyche remaining in tact and not dissolving.
 

Unawareness, in-attention on the self contributes to keeping it alive. Because the internal is not being properly seen for what it is, is not able to be properly investigated, is not being properly faced. 
 

It’s like attention/awareness when shining on the mind/self drives the dissolution of it. 
 

From my experience 

Yeah that's. It's inevitable, then it's extremely difficult to focus your attention in the structure because even you think that you are doing it you are looking outside. That's why usually only a wound that tells you again and again that that's not the place where you should look is the key. But some could do without that, just for vocation.

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12 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Yeah that's. It's inevitable, then it's extremely difficult to focus your attention in the structure because even you think that you are doing it you are looking outside. That's why usually only a wound that tells you again and again that that's not the place where you should look is the key. But some could do without that, just for vocation.

Yea for most it’s difficult. Most don’t really know it’s a structure they just think they have regular thoughts and that’s all that there is to the mind, and their self feels physical (some might be aware of the mental aspect to it). 
 

In some cases when you feel unwell inside it could be sign of high self/internal awareness. It’s like how you speak about how there is so much fear in human psyche, not all people are aware of that, it might be masked by anger and judgement but at the root is fear . Some people need something loud inside, like a strong emotion to pay attention, meanwhile if you’re more self aware something more subtle is enough 

Btw I’m not judging anyone. Just an observation/intepretation

Edited by Sugarcoat

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48 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Some people need something loud inside, like a strong emotion to pay attention, meanwhile if you’re more self aware something more subtle is enough 

Btw I’m not judging anyone. Just an observation/intepretation

The vast majority (myself included) would never look within without being forced to, because the outside is so absorbing. There are very few people with a mystical vocation who aren't born of trauma. I suppose they're people who, by nature, perceive the world as dull. This surely creates imbalance, a feeling that reality is unreal, dead. Then perhaps at some point, naturally, without violence, reality opens up in them.

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19 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

The vast majority (myself included) would never look within without being forced to, because the outside is so absorbing. There are very few people with a mystical vocation who aren't born of trauma. I suppose they're people who, by nature, perceive the world as dull. This surely creates imbalance, a feeling that reality is unreal, dead. Then perhaps at some point, naturally, without violence, reality opens up in them.

The thing is, from my experience,  I don’t know if it’s written about anywhere at all, is that the outside world gets its richness precisely from the sense of self. The self is deep and solid and creates the perception of a deep 3D external world, full of substance, like there’s thickness to the world, something behind it and not just the empty appearance.

It might sound weird, but I noticed how all of this changed when my self thinned out. You really spoke to my soul when you described how some perceive external as dull and dead. Maybe I sound mentally ill but I’m so disengaged from the world it doesn’t absorb me at all. Only my mind has that ability

I don’t think it’s necessary to go through this to see the truth though. I haven’t broken through myself fully but I’ve came a looong way

 

Edited by Sugarcoat

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45 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

The self is deep and solid and creates the perception of a deep 3D external world, full of substance, like there’s thickness to the world, something behind it and not just the empty appearance.

That's exactly the point, the real substance. That thickness is the totality. If you stare it directly, without any idea, filter, distraction, it opens. It's not like realizing something, it's that the substance of reality opens and you are that, then everything is you, but not as a entity but as a substance, and that substance is not empty, I absolutely full, it lives without bottom

 

45 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

sound mentally ill but I’m so disengaged from the world it doesn’t absorb me at all. Only my mind has that ability

It's like for you the happening is empty, just the substance is full, and the substance is precisely you. But probably if you are totally open to the substance, you will perceive it in the world , then you will see that everything is deep, alive. That of everything is imagination is meaningless, this's just structure. What is the point is the substance, what reality is. Can't be said by definition 

Edited by Breakingthewall

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10 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

If you stare it directly, without any idea, filter, distraction, it opens.

Is that like a practice you do? Focusing attention on something external? How do you stare without any idea, filter, distraction?

10 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

 

It's like for you the happening is empty, just the substance is full, and the substance is precisely you. But probably if you are totally open to the substance, you will perceive it in the world , then you will see that everything is deep, alive. That of everything is imagination is meaningless, this's just structure. What is the point is the substance, what reality is. Can't be said by definition 

Whats so special about you that you’re able to open yourself so seemingly easily, maybe you talked about it before but did you do hardcore spiritual practice that rewired you so now it’s easier to open, or do you think you just have a softer ego than others, why can’t others open? Or do they open but they don’t notice it, like everyone has moments of absorption, or no self but it’s not recognized? Or are people closed 24/7

Edited by Sugarcoat

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@Breakingthewall Great OP IMO, one of your best texts as far as I see it. 

Also agree with most of what you and @sugarcoat say in the following discussion:

  • Attention is key
  • Concentrating and focusing attention, especially inwards 
  • Opening up myself --> "external" reality synchronizes with my inner movement. Once there is enough openness to be aware of that, it becomes impossible to not see it all the time
  • I was "forced" to look inside, too. Looking for way out of trauma, certain experiences and conditions (still ongoing, but made major steps)
  • If you experience reality as dull and dead --> I know this experience. What helped me was to feel, to feel everything and then gradually some suppressed structures dissolved and I was able to feel more, express more, live more
  • BUT re my previous point: "No one can tell you how to do it, because each enigma has its own solution."  Some pointers and information from others can be helpful...or maybe not :D

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1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

Whats so special about you that you’re able to open yourself so seemingly easily,

It's a combination between let's say horrible family circumstances (from my way of feel them) and intuition to see the traps. The only way is openess, the others are depression, addiction, suicide. Nothing special, millions are there living in the hell right now. I'd say that the real point is that when I was a kid I lived in real openess, then I remember more or less and I understand the false paths. 

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

that like a practice you do? Focusing attention on something external? How do you stare without any idea, filter, distraction?

I used to meditate like 2 hours by day even was a mess, then do a lot of psychedelic but not with the idea of see the "truth" but see how my structure breaks and then reconstructs, again and again. It's something that you can't understand like something linear.

It's a structure that operates in many dimensions: emotional, conceptual, temporal, projective.... You won't understand it conceptually, but rather you'll "see" it, like what you said before, about the self giving "thickness" to external reality. that kind of understanding that can't be easily articulated.

There will be people who understand it in a single deconstruction and others who need 300. The issue isn't the time you need, but rather avoiding traps. God, creation, etc. As you can see, it's normal. The strange thing is the people who sense the traps, who intuitively see that something isn't equalized, clean, perfectly synchronized. If you sense that, you go further. If not, you'll be trapped your whole life, until you die. It's not fun; it's life in action, totally ruthless. A happy ending isn't guaranteed; it's usually more of a horrible ending.

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25 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

was "forced" to look inside, too. Looking for way out of trauma, certain experiences and conditions (still ongoing, but made major steps)

Great you appreciate , you seem to be focused , like not in ego games but to the root. I think that of the trauma is the normal starting point , without that most of us would be adapted and living in a let's say grey area not so bad . If you have a hole in your structure and your vibration is suffering, you have to find a way

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1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

It's a combination between let's say horrible family circumstances (from my way of feel them) and intuition to see the traps. The only way is openess, the others are depression, addiction, suicide. Nothing special, millions are there living in the hell right now. I'd say that the real point is that when I was a kid I lived in real openess, then I remember more or less and I understand the false paths. 

I used to meditate like 2 hours by day even was a mess, then do a lot of psychedelic but not with the idea of see the "truth" but see how my structure breaks and then reconstructs, again and again. It's something that you can't understand like something linear.

It's a structure that operates in many dimensions: emotional, conceptual, temporal, projective.... You won't understand it conceptually, but rather you'll "see" it, like what you said before, about the self giving "thickness" to external reality. that kind of understanding that can't be easily articulated.

There will be people who understand it in a single deconstruction and others who need 300. The issue isn't the time you need, but rather avoiding traps. God, creation, etc. As you can see, it's normal. The strange thing is the people who sense the traps, who intuitively see that something isn't equalized, clean, perfectly synchronized. If you sense that, you go further. If not, you'll be trapped your whole life, until you die. It's not fun; it's life in action, totally ruthless. A happy ending isn't guaranteed; it's usually more of a horrible ending.

I guess you also have high self awareness. But maybe that’s implicitly being said here. Because anyone can’t really see their own structures that obviously and identity it’s traps

Me personally I suffered a lot mentally in the past. And I saw how it all was my psyche. With time I managed to break it down significantly. So nowadays I’m calm unless something actually scary happens. 
 

But then I haven’t except maybe once without drug and a few times on drug, experienced the FULL openness that you speak of. So that’s a bit tricky for me

It’s like you can break up the self/psyche significantly, but to go all the way with it is another thing. I might have gone to 90% , but almost never 100% (maybe it has happened without me noticing, like when you’re absorbed into something)

Edited by Sugarcoat

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1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

Great you appreciate , you seem to be focused , like not in ego games but to the root.

Yeah, more focused, less ego games :) It's not 100% black and white, each day is a new step.

Quote

I think that of the trauma is the normal starting point , without that most of us would be adapted and living in a let's say grey area not so bad . If you have a hole in your structure and your vibration is suffering, you have to find a way

Yes I can see it with so many others and myself. Unrealized potential. And it sucks. For quite I while, there is this feeling inside me of "there must be more, there must be something better then what we have right now". That feeling of "That can't be it"

And I don't know about you, for me it's funny once I have - at least more or less - recognized some of my own traps, it's so easy to see it in others. Impossible to not see it. Of course, others likely think the same re myself - so honest, authentic, open and skilled interaction is key to actually realize all this untapped potential for each other. 

Edited by theleelajoker

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6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

But then I haven’t except maybe once without drug and a few times on drug, experienced the FULL openness that you speak of. So that’s a bit tricky for me

It’s like you can break up the self/psyche significantly, but to go all the way with it is another thing. I might have gone to 90% , but almost never 100% (maybe it has happened without me noticing, like when you’re absorbed into something)

My impression:

See it as something that moves, not a final state. Ok you reach 100% NOW, and then? Life moves on, new circumstances, new situation, new challenge. You change so everything changes. Don't block yourself by saying "not reaching this or that", work with what you have / are right now. 

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2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

My impression:

See it as something that moves, not a final state. Ok you reach 100% NOW, and then? Life moves on, new circumstances, new situation, new challenge. You change so everything changes. Don't block yourself by saying "not reaching this or that", work with what you have / are right now. 

I’m just being realistic

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6 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

It’s like you can break up the self/psyche significantly, but to go all the way with it is another thing. I might have gone to 90% , but almost never 100% (maybe it has happened without me noticing, like when you’re absorbed into something)

The point isn't to disintegrate the self, but to open it. Disintegrating the self is the Buddhist way; it implies reaching emptiness. In emptiness, there is no suffering, and nothing matters. But there is a trap: who is dissolving the self? Another self, the Buddhist self that believes in emptiness, reincarnation and nirvana.

Opening means perceiving yourself as the living flow of the reality without limits. I mean, you perceive yourself as the form , but also as the flow, the movement, the becoming, then you can shift the focus to the unlimited perspective putting the structure in background. To do that you have to make the structure equalized with the flow, so similar thats almost one, without closures, transparent. Then in some moments you can perceive the real flow so direct than you get open to it's ultimate nature. That's the mystical thing, look in the face to the totality and be one with it, be that. Not the flow or the becoming, the absolute, the nature of reality, the reality itself. Then it closes but the flow is permeated of its life, it's clarity, it's beauty. So you see clearly that everything is pale, black and white, if your perception is opaque. It's not defining the reality as infinite, god or anything, is be open to it's nature as much as is possible, then the self can be burned by the fire of the real thing.

It's not that the self is false, it's that it's like a interface. It's impossible being without self unless you equalize the interface so much that the absolute or call it whatever is transparent, then you have like mystic experiences then you think... maybe the self is dissapearing, it's just the totality flowing, there is no difference in some moments. Maybe in some point it's so transparent that there is no "self", just a minimalist structure that almost doesn't occupy place and the totality that you are is totally open all the time. But little by little because there are opaque points , it's a natural process that moves in its rhythm, like anything else. It's impossible to force it, just perceive as clear as you can, without lies, ideas, traps, etc

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On 20/7/2025 at 3:19 PM, theleelajoker said:

And I don't know about you, for me it's funny once I have - at least more or less - recognized some of my own traps, it's so easy to see it in others. Impossible to not see it. Of course, others likely think the same re myself - so honest, authentic, open and skilled interaction is key to actually realize all this untapped potential for each other. 

It's not easy because seems that almost everyone who try the spiritual path seriously choose to stay in a seemingly larger egoic structure and refuse to consider the possibility that that's not the end of the way

Edited by Breakingthewall

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11 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

It's not easy because seems that almost everyone who try the spiritual path seriously choose to stay in a seemingly larger egoic structure and refuse to consider the possibility that that's not the end of the way

Hmmm not sure I am following brother.  Can you please give an example, and/or make it more concrete? How you notice the egoic structure, what makes you see it and when you you recognize that sme went down the path further?

Maybe I am (partly) in this trap, too so might be useful for me : ) 

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30 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

Hmmm not sure I am following brother.  Can you please give an example, and/or make it more concrete? How you notice the egoic structure, what makes you see it and when you you recognize that sme went down the path further?

Maybe I am (partly) in this trap, too so might be useful for me : ) 

I was thinking in the Buddhist paradigm, which contrasts emptiness with fullness and seeks the elimination of suffering and identifies that with enlightenment, all around the belief in reincarnation and nirvana

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