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You have emotional issues stemming from your relationship with your parents. You have probably have history of relationships with similar patterns repeating of how you treat girl, type of girl, cheating, intimacy etc. All "life" problems stem from relationship issues which originated with your parents. You always say how parents did evil stuff you don't want to talk about etc, isn't that egoic BS? You and I both have "Mental" problems. Kinda fucked up that i see you(and me) spending like 5 plus hours per day on forum. My problems are more childish, but problems are problems. Maybe psychoanalysis could help you who knows. I'm not working with winter soilder i just had 1 call with him, didn't think it would be so easy. Yeah there are levels too awakening i think Nahm is higher too. But you still think Leo is awakened, i'm pretty sure winterknight is beyond Leo, and go read his thread and what he said about Leo, it wasn't pretty.

@electroBeam You make valid points. In retrospect, I did conflate them and I might re-shoot the Turquoise video to correct for that. At the time of shooting, I felt that ultimately we have to push towards nondual and mystical understanding, which requires leaving behind the Spiral model. Basically once you get to Yellow+, you should start seriously getting into nonduality and mysticism and transcend all models. Spiral Dynamics cannot give us the deepest levels of understanding and development that we seek. So I was trying to bridge that gap. Ken Wilber's model is actually better. The problem with Spiral Dynamics is that the people who invented it and teach it are not themselves awakened or mystical. This severely limits their understanding of human development. Ken Wilber has corrected for that.

I have seen awakened people in many stages, but perhaps at certain colors the awakenedness doesn't last 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Do you knt what I mean? I think that as we enter into a bit of yellow and turquoise, we are able to fully experience the flow of enlightenment and feeling of being awake and detached from our ego, without fear etc ... for hours at a time. In other words, BLISS. I see a lot of turmoil in those struggling to exit blue and exit green. Do you guys see this, or is that just my perception due to my cultural backqround and experiences? I feel that I have some developing turquoise, and I enjoy the concepts of magic, astrology, energy healing... I don't get caught up in in though, yet I understand there is a lot of science behind ancient rituals and magic, that we do not understand. Being Turquoise to me means that I don't HAVE TO KNOW and UNDERSTAND everything, but I am not turning to blind faith... I just KNOW and I feel bliss, don't judge myself or others, and don't compete to produce the most, get spiritual the fastest, be the wisest, be the best... I just BE ME! I have my moments where I feel overwhelmed by the world, sad, confused... but I am not totally Turquoise... I do have probably a bit of blue, orange, green in some areas... as we all do

Why care so much whether it's turquoise or awakened?

Just to let you know beforehand - this post is written by hardcore full-time seeker - 14 hours of consciousness work daily for past 5 years with 150 psychedelic GOD awakenings and Infinite Love awakenings on 5-MeO-DMT and others. I do not expect any advice from you for my situation - because I came to conclusion that no advice of the "internet gurus" has ever worked for me. I wrote this post just so you could show some empathy to people like me - seekers who are STUCK in the middle, in the dead zone - between the Matrix and Liberation. And being stuck in the middle of those two for years/lifetime creates MORE suffering than average human life spent as an average unconscious Joe. My life is actually worse than Leo's life according to his health video in his Insights Blog (https://www.actualized.org/insights/my-health-situation) . I am in pain, experiencing many psychological and physical illnesses since my childhood. Everybody should realize that Life is massive Suffering even after many awakenings. Like many of you, I came into the spirituality because I wanted to ease my suffering AND have less thoughts OR at least stop being identified with them AND be "immune" to pain AND to know my true nature AND to experience experience Unconditional Love in everyday life - not just in psychedelic trips. 5 years of hardcore spirituality later, my suffering has actually increased AND number of thoughts has actually increased AND identification with thoughts is pretty much the same AND my sensitivity to pain has dramatically increased AND I have had only 2 sober spontaneous experiences of Unconditional Love which lasted only 1 minute. After many of my temporary awakenings I came to conclusion that I am the GOD IDIOT, here's why: My life in a nutshell: 0.006 % Gods Divine Love 1 % pleasure from orgasm, eating 99 % suffering in boredom/meaninglessness, suffering from thoughts, personality disorders, anxiety, depression, inner-conflicts, needs, desires, pain, work, insomnia, extreme noise sensitivity etc. I am a God Idiot because after 5 years of full time consciousness work I was not able to cure any of my disorders. I am powerless god. Hopeless God. God is LIMITED idiot because he can't switch off useless "pain signals" in the body. OF COURSE pain signals were useful in caveman days, but nowadays they have outlived their usefulness YET there is NO WAY to turn them off (I am a highly sensitive person - I feel pain 5x stronger than average human) The GOD is RENDERING this creation and that is pretty much the ONLY thing that's doing great! God is UNLIMITED when it comes to rendering stuff. Rendering feelings etc... Rendering this colorful 4D scene. BRAVO! He is doing that perfectly. His mechanism of "no-mechanism" is PERFECT. But the scene is full of suffering. The Mind is actually Alpha version pre-realesed too early and most of human perspectives are in suffering mode thanks to shitloads of inner conflicts created by inner beings/thoughts or "external" stimuli. God is the biggest idiot out there - Since in this day and age more than 98% of human perspectives are led by ego-identity and for most of them THERE IS NO WAY OUT (remember - I have tried to get out for 5 years full-time) There's NO WAY OUT because there are infinite lives... So suicide is not an option - my idiotic creation is made the way that I will be always reborn into suffering again and again. Life IS. And this statement implies suffering in it. NO WAY OUT. Life is and always will be. Whatever IS - is prone to suffer. I am a God idiot - because THERE IS NO "SAFETY VALVE" Impermanence is actually not "SAFETY VALVE", it's not a positive feature like Leo said in impermanence video. Impermanence IS an "error", because God is idiot who wasn't capable of creating creation with 100 percent SOBER divine love without colors, feelings, thoughts and without the need for using psychedelics to remember himself in trip just for few seconds. OF COURSE I used to be a 5-MeO-HERO who experienced Gods Divine Love 150 times on psychedelic only to forget it few minutes later. Why? Because this Creation is created by Me God Idiot, who is NOT IN CONTROL of making use of those divine insights into everyday reality ... Remember there is no control and no one in control. And no one in control of liberating from suffering into "awakened state" !!! It's based on pure luck... It is a lottery. The Grand God Idiot's Lottery! That's why there are actually life-long seekers who seeks liberation from suffering but how many actually get liberated? How many of the seekers get enlightened? 3 percent? So this hell creation is punishment for myself. Why? Just cause! I do not know... God is idiot because there is NO WARRANTY that evolution will make humans more happy. What if people 5000 years ago were a lot more happy than today's industrial society? There is no warranty for better future. YES there are channeled books from higher beings in higher dimensions who say that there is some thing called ascension and in 1000000 years you will ascend higher or whatever, but what if that is just a dogma? You can't be sure of that. I am LIMITED crippled God because I have NO CONTROL over the creation - I can't "dream" stuff or positive emotions into existence and maintain them 24/7 and I am very VERY limited in manipulating reality - maybe even totally powerless - because I have no control over my thoughts, hormones, disorders, life experiences, brain chemicals etc... LoA people are proof of that. Under any LoA video on youtube there are comments like: I can manifest ANYTHING!!! - yeah right, those "omnipotent" fools who say they can manifest anything only to find out they have a tumor year later and die. I have personally known 2 of those people. To intelligent person it's obvious that they can only manifest themselves stuff like cars and money, which is normal part of life and working hard. No need to call that woo-woo Law Of Attraction. All of them say you are God and can manifest anything - so why their life is suffering? Why are they still working at McDonald's? Why they have incurable illnesses? Why those fools don't make themselves live up to 200 years of age full of wealth and health? Or feed all starving children in Africa. Or heal ALL corona patients in one day ... They're a joke. And anyone who believes that "You are Creator of your own reality" is a joke. You have very limited - I would say Zero control over the reality. Just contemplate "What is a decision" and observe your experience carefully. I am a GOD IDIOT because I have Zero control over my thoughts. I have ZERO control of: WHAT my next thought gonna be WHEN my next thought gonna be AND I have ZERO control of decision made based on thought content. I am God idiot because my alpha-version buggy Mind (thoughts) is prone to be stuck in loops of negative thinking FULL OF INTERNAL CONFLICTS between inner archetypes. Not just thought loops. I know people stuck in depressive, anxiety, OCD loops for their whole life. No techniques or medications work for them. I am God idiot who is not in control of his "level of vibration" ... God is idiot because his creation is CHAOS. Chaos implies suffering. Some say that reality is not suffering, but my interpretation of reality creates suffering. Oh man believe me I HAVE TRIED... Full-time... God is limited idiot because any psychedelic or other "peak experience" won't last more than few minutes AND there's a tolerance or harmful addiction or basically "The higher you fly, the harder you fall". In conclusion - Experiences of God's divine love actually made my everyday life more miserable - they showed me something I'm incapable to experience on sober daily basis. My 5-MeO Omnipotence experiences are totally useless AND those experiences gave me a false hopes / false HEALING hopes for my illnesses... Nothing good came out of them... BTW I wanted to teach spirituality... Like Leo, I wanted to wake people up from their illusions... Praising 5-MeO as well. Like Leo I have read almost all spiritual books under the sun. Like Leo - I became "Insight Hunter" ... Only to find out later that insights/peak psychedelic experiences actually made my life worse. Revealing "secrets" of existence is making everyday life "negatively" meaningless. YES - meaninglessness that I experience is not neutral, it's negative. Massive contemplative lifestyle stripped my life of compulsory illusions. Human NEEDS his illusions to live normal life... To be able to relate to other people in the matrix, to be social... To enjoy entertainment in the matrix... You won't be happy watching a movie constantly being reminded it's staged... I realized that stripping illusions off reality is actually fools way to live a life. I, like many, am a depressed spiritual loner full of head knowledge and spiritual ego. That's why most of philosophers were unhappy. And because only 3 % of seekers get liberated - average seeker gets actually stuck "in the middle"... I as a God am incapable of surrendering the ego identity... Believe me, I have tried... Shitloads of times... But of course surrender isn't something you could do willingly. I am still waiting for some paradigm-shattering insight or whatever... Til now no luck... OF COURSE this post is full of limiting beliefs. OF COURSE this could be understood as a victim mentality thinking. But realize - I am doing my best... Full time... Everybody is doing their best. I have tried everything... So please do not spit any pseudo-advises like "practice acceptance" or other BS... Your words have no use in some Gods perspectives like This One that is writing this useless post. You won't help me and you won't cure Leo's thyroid illness. OF COURSE reality is 100% imagination and I have tried to make a massive leap and transform this imagination into positive one by brute-force OR at least manifest "accepted imagination" to see creation as accepted/neutral. Did not work. Many "souls" are in the "massive suffering mode" multiple lives in a row. Just read this book: "Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian L. Weiss" ... It's about a woman who tapped into her past lives and 95 out of 100 her past lives were FULL OF suffering and illnesses... BTW in her past lives she has been a monk in monastery many times. Being monk is useless in therms of "progress" or whatever. So, I hope you finally understand. You can enlighten yourself however you want in this life, in your next life thanks to memory wipe out + upbringing by egoic parents and egoic society you will fall back to illusion again. You will suffer in your next life in spite of your awakenings in this life. I am DELUDED LIMITED CRIPPLED GOD. Totally lost in his creation. NO WAY OUT for 99,999 percent of people including me. Gods creation is Hell Realm - This Colorful Creation is Hell Realm. Thanks for your time. You will experience my life someday. Don't worry "internet gurus" :-D tl;dr: Have compassion for suffering of others. And just 2 more quotes for you:

Introduction: This trip begin going over surface level (deep in their own way) psychological material, but quickly transitioned into a powerful awakening into the nature of Self-Love. The first phase of the trip was quite painful and fearful. It was like the mushrooms were surging all of my negativity and insecurities, making me acknowledge them all at once in a twisted incoherent kind of way. It was not pleasant at all. Set: To understand how to love myself, to understand Self-Love Setting: My House Themes that emerged: - Transcending Success and Failure - My Psychological Shadow - Meditation as a Sacred Space - Interconnected Metta - Infinite Self-Love Transcending Success and Failure One of the most powerful insecurities I have is that my work will never be acknowledged or really impactful for humanity. I fear that all of the hours I put into the pursuit of my life purpose is will result in nothing more than a failure on all accounts. I’m terrified of having to work a corporate job the rest of my life just to stay afloat barely paying off my student loans and affording the ever-rising cost of living. I recently went through a pretty big mental shift with making YouTube videos, and spent a metric fuckton of time on this new style of video, exploring my creativity, trying new things and really pouring my heart into its creation. Yet after posting the video, it barely got over 50 views, a complete failure as far as YouTube is concerned. But I learned something on this trip. Success and failure do not mean anything from the perspective of God. Every intention I create to love myself and those around me, every action I take that works towards raising the consciousness of humanity is playing a role. Even though I cannot always see, feel, or understand how the impact my presence and energy gives the world, my influence is there. Every action is completely interconnected with the whole. Every cause is an effect, every effect is a cause. My being where I am is completely dependent on the rest of the universe, and yet being where I am is why the universe is the way it is at all. I don’t really know how to describe this other than that the actions I take form casual chains which irreducibly connect with the rest of humanity and the entire universe. The most powerful way I can influence this world is with my mind, with the purity and honesty of my intention, which is to help the world become more consciousness, more loving, more aligned with Truth. It does not matter at all whether I am successful with my ultimate goals, whether my karma is the remain a wage slave for the rest of my life. What matters is that I travel within, and do everything in my power to spread compassion and kindness into those around me. The rest must be left to God and I have to work towards understanding that all is exactly as it is, no less, no more, pure absolute perfection. This insight is difficult to accept as a self because it goes against the desires for success, fame, happiness, security, the joy of working towards what you love. Sometimes life isn’t meant to be famous or impact for the world, but these scales of influence are only valid relative to the perspective of ego. From the perspective of God, the actions and intentions I set are what move the cosmos, not the magnitude of what one individual lifetime achieves. My Psychological Shadow As I mentioned, my intention was to explore what true absolute Self-Love was really all about. I realized that these aspects of my mind which are hedonistic, selfish, cruel, angry, attached to various outcomes are not something to be denied. To transcend these shadow elements of the mind isn’t to simply ignore and suppress the energy that exists. I’ve been journaling a lot about my journey to let go of my addiction to PMO and porn, and one of the insights I had on this trip was that I’ve been suppressing my sexual self by attempting this whole no fap thing. I saw how unhealthy it was to not honor that authentic biological element of the mind. As long as there exists an authentic desire to explore sexual energy, the suppression of masturbation and orgasm is just that – suppression. All this does is turns an element of the mind into a psychological shadow which will warp one’s relationship with orgasm, sex, and self-pleasure. Similarly, this can be said for all shadow elements of the mind. The way to transcend these elements is not through distraction, or willful suppression. Instead it’s through acceptance and love. This is extremely challenging to pull off, but for example, when you feel a surge of anger or anxiety arising it’s not your job to try and get rid of these feelings through will power. Your job is to honor these feelings as being valid and ok. This doesn't mean you need to act on them, as in the case of anger it can be quite destructive. Instead, it means you can feel them fully and send as much love to them as possible through a position of meta observation, recognizing you are the witness to these emotional states, not them in and of themselves. In the case of masturbation, I can honor this sexual energy. But see, when I’m perpetually ignoring and trying to rid myself of the energy, there is no transcendence. Quite frankly, I don’t need 90 day’s worth of accumulated sexual energy to work towards my goals. This is a misunderstanding of effort, focus, and achieving flow states. Perhaps some of the no fapstranauts need the 90 days, I definitely do not. It turned into suppression no different than if I had been suppressing anger, which I’ve done in the past. Overall this experience felt incredibly healing and loving towards my sexual self and health, as well as a more mature relationship with the shadow elements of my own mind. In the case of sex, porn is a problem for sure, but masturbation is an opportunity for self-connection and exploring one’s sexual energy. This can be done in a healthy or unhealthy way. In the case of other shadow elements, when I find myself angry or lazy, for example, sending myself love and awareness is not only the first step towards healing these dysfunctions, but is the foundation. If I am not sending myself love even in my moments of disappointment, I will be able to self-actualize. Meditation as a Sacred Space During the trip, I tried listening to music, but literally anything I listened to whether it was healing frequencies or really calm music was just irritating and anxiety inducing. I decided to just turn all music and sound off and sit in silence. I was just laying down on my floor staring up at the ceiling, completely present and in the now. I began meditating in a savasana position for what felt like hours. I was literally just staring up into the ceiling being the present moment. I realized that this state I’d entered into felt sacred. Not necessarily that it was special… Or particularly important… But the stillness, the presence, the silence all felt sacred somehow. The significance I give to the psychedelic state is the same significance I should give meditation. Both are deeply intertwined and while each produce different states of consciousness, both amplify the consciousness directly, producing a space of connectivity with the true Self. Essentially, I’ve been underestimating the importance and role meditation plays with the pursuit of enlightenment... I don’t know what else to say other than even when meditation is boring, makes you feel worse, and otherwise feels like a complete waste of time, it is not. It gives the mind the space needed to vomit up its excessive energy and be at peace with both itself and with the true Self. Moreover, I’ve since stopped trying to produce states in meditation. I felt a very powerful intuitive pull to continue using a simple do nothing/surrender approach. All striving and chasing for a particular meditative state is honestly useless. This state chasing is antithetical towards reaching a state of true inner peace, which is very twisty and paradoxical. For a long time I was pursuing the techniques outlined in The Mind Illuminated, which I do not regret at all and feel was huge contributor towards my mind’s development, but even this system has to be let go of. The states of boredom and suffering are working in the same way that these meditations induced bliss states are working. I think a concentration practice is good for beginners, but eventually this all needs to be let go of. At least for me it does. Overall, meditation is the path towards the Self and regarding it as anything less than is a misunderstanding of its sacred nature. Interconnected Metta This is where things got incredibly deep, heart wrenchingly deep. While I was staring into the ceiling, a mantra for a loving kindness meditation came into awareness, “May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings be free from ill will. May all beings be filled with loving kindness. May all beings be truly happy.” I finally understood the true power of these words. As the words spoke, I had visions of thousands and thousands of monks, yogis, enlightened masters from various times, perhaps across various realities beyond this particular Universe (this is what it “felt” like, an extremely cosmic state), who spent their lives pursuing liberation yet chose to stay behind to help the rest of the world awaken, those who took the path of the Bodhisattva, which is defined in Mahayana Buddhism as “a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion in order to save suffering beings.” I felt the sacrifice these types of beings created within themselves, the overwhelming compassion and love they possessed for all sentient beings. I was overcome with a heart crushing amount of humility as I metaphorically sat in the eyes of these beings, these true masters. Their intentions where so powerful, their hearts so full of love that this intention for all beings to reach nirvana (be free of suffering) carried into my life. In that moment, I realized that because these enlightened masters are none of other than myself, this intention was an intention I was setting and had already set for myself across life times. As I sit in the present moment, this intention for love and awakening rests inside of consciousness. Literally, this intention transcends their individual lives and ripples into the lives of all beings including mine. I’ve never felt more love in my life and the mind fuck was that it was love for myself, outside of myself, but from myself. The opportunity to pursue this work is a privilege and I honestly feel humbled at the degrees of love capable of consciousness and awakened beings. I feel embarrassed at how much compassion and love they have for me despite not being able to reciprocate in any meaningful degree. Moving forward I will be making the practice of metta a much higher priority. Sending this love towards strangers that I meet and have next to no interaction with, as well as those already in my life. Infinite Self-Love So in this moment of feeling a sense of separation with enlightened masters and myself, the duality collapsed into total oneness. I was pure love. Pure, empty, void, nothingness which I knew was none other than Self-Love. I was so loving that all forms of experience were permitted. My mind and heart reacted in such a way that might come across as feelings of bliss and human egoic love, but these were merely reactions to the metaphysical nature of what true Self-Love is all about which is a total and utter surrender to reality. On the one hand, I ask from the bottom of my heart “May all beings be free of suffering,” but on the other, I know that even this is a part of what it means to love myself. The paradox that I want nothing more than for the world to awaken, but that in its state of ignorance I love just as much. These trials and tribulations of suffering, the lives of those who have been tortured, raped, molested, are not wasted or a mistake. My own suffering is not a mistake. They are merely reflections of what it means to truly love myself in all its totality and to admit this truth is one of the hardest parts of the spiritual journey. I am crying right now as I write this, but there is no other way to sugar coat it. Self-love is the total infinite surrender of the mind in all its dissecting and attachment with the surrendering of the heart to infinite love for all manifestations of consciousness. There is only perfection, there is only you. I got up off my floor and went to my back deck to be with a tree. My body somehow was spontaneously able to enter into a full lotus without a meditation cushion and zero pain. I just sat with this infinite love for all things. In that moment there was nothing else to pursue or discover, only oneness, only consciousness, only love. I sat with myself staring into the yard, the sun was setting and shining on my face, streaming off the surrounding nature. I remember being absorbed in the silence, listening to the wind blow and grass rustle as they gently whispered, reminding, “This life is just a beat in the heart of God.”

Hi everybody, I have had spiritual experiences before and I was always scared. When I was like 11 years old I didn't see that many ghosts anymore for some reason mostly max 2 times every year ( I know I sound pretty weird right now) but I have awakened in 2020. This may be my best year yet when it comes to self improvement and actualization. Last night was the first time I felt calm and peaceful while seeing a spirit and it even looked different. I don't know for sure if it was a spirit or something else because I know there are a lot of things out there we can't sense. So last night I was meditating extremely long (to me). I started meditating around 12 am because at night the vibes are just better and the moonlight was shining on me when I was sitting against the wall on my bed. For some reason I love looking at the moon, it makes me feel very nostalgic and peaceful like I don't have to worry about time and all the toxic bullshit that goes on when most people are awake. It can even make me feel ecstatic the same way some amazing out of this world dreams can, although I don't know if it is possible to make myself dream like that on demand. I decided to meditate with my eyes open because the moon was full and I wanted to see the sky (the sky is very clear because I live in a rainforest right now ) After an hour or so I started to feel even better and more ecstatic. I felt very safe like nothing could harm me and even if I die it would be okay. Nothing really mattered to me at that point and I just kinda existed... It sounds strange but Idon't know how else to describe it. Then I suddenly saw something in the shape of a person walking in front of me but it was shining. I could not see any facial features or anything but it was like the person or whatever it was was made of light. Then it walked away and disappeared fast while walking. I know for sure this was not a hallucination, it was walking right in front of me and it disappeared right before my eyes. I was not tired at all for some reason, I felt very refreshed and awake actually so it was not a dream either. I am very grateful that I was able to experience this, if you guys have had some experience like this or if you know what the thing was then let me know, I would love to hear it.

Just finished this book which was recommended by Guru Fat Bastard in High Consciousness resources. It's also on Audible. Wow wow I don't know what else to say other than wow. Here is a quote from the book: "Consciousness is all there is, flowing, streaming through these instruments in a manner which, in accordance with the perfect unfolding of totality, is perceived as discreet individual entities autonomously performing actions, but in truth this is not the case. There is no individual, no entity, no separate self here to do anything or to be anything, awakened or enlightened included." -- David Carse, Perfect Brilliant Stillness

I highly disagree. There are aliens sitting on a planet somewhere who are enlightened as fuck and their consciousness is nowhere within your narrow band of 4 states. There can literally be millions of different permanent awakened states. And the notion of permanent vs temporary is itself false. There is no such distinction other than in your mind.

But how do you know if you yourself been doing them so much and don't claim to be awakened/enlightened sober? Thousands of peak states, yes but there are literally "only" 4 or maybe a few more states of enlightenment that don't go away after the trip, afterglow, or a meditative state is over. There are no permanent states where love is there all the time, even the most advanced practitioners have to do Metta meditation to get flooded with Love, it means they intentionally have to get into a state of Metta. I also think the big fuss is about definitions of the word "awakening" and "enlightenment". People like Ralston usually are using these two interchangeably and for them, it ain't awakening if you can't keep it outside of your meditation. Someone may enter a deep Jhana state where whole body sense dissolves or intense Metta but they don't call it awakening/enlightenment

@K Ghoul @wwhy @Gili Trawangan Many thanks for your messages! @Gili Trawangan Exactly! then I quit my supposed to be "dream job" i felt the need that i no longer belong to this town now that i lost my status. Also, in all those years i got nothing but just that WORK and friends an colleagues were into marriages or long term relationships. I considered moving from here, but i never dared to do it. I kinda introvert because I need lots of alone time but i am also a person who enjoys company, sharing experiences and relating other persons...so I guess I would have no problem with that. Here I tried to socialize a bit more but I feel uneasy because many ppl know me and it shocks them a lot me still being single and SO alone sometimes that I only work, train, buy groceries or visit the forest with my readings. Ladies are the worst honestly. I got rejected by many of them to their girly plans because some of them are pure gold diggers or are just frustrated with their lives. Ok I need some boost or balance or something but I am SO COMMITED PERSON and humble. I try to help others not envy them for their achieves made by hard effort! (applies to all..career, physique, spirituality) Regarding the spiritual path. That's what I am in here. It is SO APPEALING to me and as I mentioned, sometime in the past I felt that calling. Due to a toxic family member I almost lost my head when I realized she is a bad person and that she has been subcounciously harming me and also some other family members. It was a shock. I move for my place in several occasions because she searched for me (this can be related by family members and friends swell). I think I AWAKENED that time. Got a shock and almost could not speak, my thinking was slow, i also got lost in my town. Some family members took care of me that time. I recovered (I think) with no help, but struggling with all this reality in my day to day life. I've keep on with my shitty job to pay my bills and that stuff but still ALL THESE TEACHINGS I have been given..come on...after all this all and what I've been I think I am not %20 of the person I am to be! *Btw. This person is my mother, the person I spend all my life next to and taking care of (she got a cancer that is fully recovered nowadays)...she hates, and wishes me and all persons near her death. Again, she is free of any disease. She's been like this for years. Everyone knows of her strange character..and she loves no one. I wonder is the mentioned "awakening" is a real awakening or not. Do not want t use the work wrongly. I feel it was kind of a emotional shock..but still...my reality nowadays is so different and i link it with the extreme suffering 1. diseases. 2. emotional abuse 3. reality Thanks for reading!

It's not a matter of who's more enlightened. Consciousness has many facets and degrees. There is really no such thing as "enlightenment" as a singular thing. There are thousands of various kinds of awakened states. No, I claim that Truth = Love, and that Love is Absolute. No, Ralston claims that love is just an emotion/feeling. Which is false. I mean... it IS that, but it's also an Absolute. He doesn't understand that Truth = Love. Or if he does, he denies it publicly. I suspect he actually knows but he's just playing coy. I have already solved it. I know that I AM LOVE. Do you?

I can accept the fact that being in a state of bliss creates a type of neglect for the body, and that they just do what they enjoy doing and if they get fat so be it. I can see that depending on the type of ego/personality fixations, enlightenment will generate different results. I'm curious to know what happens after LOC1000 with fully awakened kundalini. I tend to believe people like Elon Musk are highly awake, he must be in the 700's at least.

Because most awakened folks didn't need it as they were spiritually gifted. It doesn't mean they can't help.

Lol... Oh...becoming Immortal is 100% realistic. Or at least realising that you were never a mortal being in the first place. But *TRULY* realising this...this is not just possible, it is to be expected! That is what happens when you awaken deeply. Perhaps the desire to become awakened and immortal is ego driven, but I don't think this is a problem. I theorise that the ego must be strengthened before it is destroyed. Or at least the *identification* with the ego is destroyed. I definitely have "becoming Immortal" as one of my top reasons for pursuing awakening myself like

@Recursoinominado i dont even know what pursue consciousness means tbh , i just thought this would be the right rather fancy terminology to say i want to be awakened someday . i understand what you mean , you are right most people dont know about enlightenment and consciousness . of course i will not be foolish if i ever do play the step 2 you mentioned . Sorry that pursue consciousness is totally my mistake. but then how do i start to get financial support?(as you said i should not expect)and btw i only tell my parents because its a compulsive behaviour , deep inside i want to show off my knowledge tbh , this is not so good behaviour and compulsiveness i am trying to overcome it.

I think you can find better information and guidance for free online. I read about this and I don't get a good feeling of it, I don't think he or his students have fully awakened yet.

Keep seeking then:-) Or stop. But even stopping is seeking. LOL. Relatively speaking, only when your inner world is full of peace and love, you are considered awakened in my selfish book. However, consider, if the reason your inner world is full of turmoil, unhappiness, stress, hate, is perhaps because of your constant pursuit of - consciously or unconsciously - looking for ways to change yourself/the world/become "better". The striving "to become better" can be a path full of suffering, because it implies that you consider yourself to be pretty bad. Thus, the striving/seeking creates the problem, in a sense. But perhaps a problem is needed, temporarily. Because problems create suffering. And I believe suffering is necessary for awakening because suffering cleanses your soul, at least if you suffer consciously. So keep seeking. Suffer more - just remember to do it consciously.

@RedLine Logic and mind have no way to dive into the question you're asking, it's as simple as that. Without thought, utterly absorbed, you know because YOU ARE. End of story. Love is a word, but it's one of the best to point to the heart of reality. Peace as well. As soon as you try to do anything with that word, it's too late. This. Also, we are waking up to see that suffering is our own making - ALL of it. Why do you think awakened beings have nothing on their heart but freeing people of suffering? That's not only done in the phenomenal realm. It is the ultimate act of love without hesitation. Again: Only absolute silence reveals what is true. Questions melt away, for they are too flat for infinity, they don't matter.

I have meditated from time to time. I like it a lot. But I've never been really serious about it. Best psychedelics for me have been Ayahuasca and 2C-B (and DMT I suppose). And LSD too I guess, lol. 5 years ago I experienced complete insanity on 150 ug of LSD. Before that I was a rather normal -- albeit insecure -- guy, but very atheistic and very devoted to science, logic and materialism. Also very curious I guess since I for some reason wanted to try LSD so badly (did LSD before I ever smoked weed or a cigarette). Main takeaway from the LSD trip 5 years ago was that it made me question everything, since I got a vibe of "unrealness" from this LSD trip; it was as if my life as this person I believed I was, was just a thought, nothing else. An idea. It was scary as fuck. But I was also fascinated. Yeah, basically, with "complete insanity" I just mean that I for 3-5 hours felt like I had lost it totally. It was a form of ego-death. But not a loving ego death. What I learned was that thoughts are pretty powerful and that reality could be more mysterious and bigger and wierder than my own materalistic scientific world-view devoid of any divine elements. 1 week later I did LSD again with a friend and had a positive trip where I experienced a loving ego death. I was without any thoughts, sense of self for 30-60 minutes and all that was left was the music playing and the fractalcs, and I was just that. Pure being. Pure love. When I came back to my body/ego, I got very scared, however, cos I basically hated myself these days, so ofc I got scared. Yeah, you gotta love yourself (ego) if you want to be enlightened, I didn't do that back then. Anyway, after these 2 LSD trips I began getting seriously interested in spirituality. I've been on the path for 5 years. Been through some rough depressions, 1 where I almost killed myself. Had a break-through on ayahuasca 1 year ago where I met God and understood how to love myself. Had another break-through on 2CB 2 months ago where I realized I was God, and that all events in my life had happened out of Divine Intelligent Love (my own plan as God). During that 2C-B trip I basically cried for 2-3 hours straight over how beautiful everything was. I consider myself awakened after that trip. This DMT-trip was just another deepening of what I already knew since that 2CB-trip.

Does Love realization differ in quality from No-Self realization, or is it just a matter of the interpretation? What I mean is after having awakened to Love, do you looking back on your previous breakthroughs see that they always have been about Love and are the same as the new ones or some new quality has appeared that hasn't been present before?

I'm going to make a controversial statement. The less of a personality that someone has, the more awakened they are. This is actually taught in the Fourth Way. I've just worded it in a blunt way. I've often pondered why more people aren't drawn to the Teachings of Hameed Ali Almaas. His understanding is so comprehensive Like this guy who makes these condensed and very informative YouTubes on Fourth Way concepts that I've posted just underneath.Neither one have much of a personality. Consider also Eckhart Tolle. He really doesn't have very much personality or maybe I should say he doesn't have a big personality. There are many distinctions to be made here. Such as the notion of attaining the 'Pearl beyond Price' in which our raw personality or ego is slowly transformed over time through a multiple series of awakenings. I think maybe Eckhart Tolle fits our idea in the west of a 'spiritual person' and that might account for some of his popularity. Almaas was born and grew up in Kuwait and has a Middle Eastern flavor of an accent and sometimes what to a lot of us sounds like peculiar way of phrasing or pronunciation of some words. What I've stated can't be taken as a blanket statement either. Sadhguru has what I would characterize as a powerful personality. And then there's Osho,,,,, While on the the subject of terms with multiple usages like Ego, Personality, Love, etc., I value Emerald Wilkins knowledge and understanding on her Diamond Net channel. She strikes me as someone who has studied and worked a lot on herself as all Teachers in general must. And of course I value and completely enjoy Leo's explanations. Even if he spends 3 hours doing it or perhaps especially because he makes such drawn out and through distinctions in his talks. All the Teachers I've mentioned address this subject of personality, false personality, ego, essence, personal essence ,,,, in different ways but similarly. Yet, it seems the majority of people almost tune out these particular messages in a way. In general I think the more Teachers You allow yourself to be open to, the better it is for your advantage in learning and acquiring perspectives because at the core of each of us is a multidimensional being.

@Jed Vassallo "Only when you wake from the dream can you understand that it was all meaningless, just an experience you dreamt up to experience." "Existence is both meaningless and infinitely meaningful. There is no meaning to nothingness, yet there is meaning because you God created it. " So if it is both meaningless and infinitely meaningful, why does awakening only bring about the understanding of the meaninglessness of life? Don't we already find life meaningless or meaningful in our non-awakened states? Or to put it another way, isn't meaning just another mental construct?

Hmm.. I've never really purposefully journaled to try to work through stuff, it just comes up. What is purposefully? I suppose I've been contemplating that lately. I've been on such a great feeling spree, feel like I've hit a bit of a wall though. I want big things. Pretty sure I'm holding myself back by thinking I'm bad and unworthy. The youtube videos I make highlight this. The judgmental feelings of myself they bring up and the anxiety posting them and reading comments can be a lot. A few weeks ago I was really excited about them. Just went to check, and there's a brand new SUPER mean comment. It's almost funny how quickly I'm getting what I'm focusing on right now. Reminds me of the time mom told me not to step over a fallen tree while skating and I put one foot over it and it went right through the ice. I don't even have to have the karma boomerang leave my hand to smack myself in the head with it. Hmm... Fuuuuuuuuuuck. Sorry, this is a stream of consciousness flow now. I don't know why. Apple blossoms. Why do antique clocks make me feel so weird? Is ADD a gift? Streams of consciousness flow are bullshit. I don't even know what the fuck I'm conscious of, sure as hell can't write it all down. It's separating the mental voice from feelings, so everything that's thought has to come out in words, which isn't normally how I "think". Thoughts are thoughts and never separate, so I'm separating out my thoughts purposefully by doing a stream of consciousness flow. . Is that why talking to people helps? I feel like wanting an audience makes me a narcissist, and I feel like wanting to make money off spirituality makes me even worse than that. And that doesn't feel good, so obviously it's not true. Sometimes I feel like throwing the settlers of cattan cards of life in the air. I don't fuckin' wanna play anymore. I quit trying to be vegan and started eating meat again. Lost 7-8 pounds in three weeks and got my energy back. I was doing it for my consciousness. There is an energetic thing with it, I think. One of the last realizations the day I awakened was that of communion. "What did you have for lunch?" Nahm PMed me. Ground beef. I was barely eating, I lost a several pounds over the couple weeks leading up to it. "Cows are holy and that's why you must eat them." I wrote in that journal. Realization that I'm the devil. 666 post. What the fuck does that mean? Who knows. "You're a bitch, scam like all of them." The youtube comment says. Well, at least I'm in good company. Incredible how that comment aligns with the thoughts I've been thinking. Today I was thinking about how if I was Eckhart Tolle I'd think I was a horrible speaker. But because I'm not he is perfect. Journaling never fails to satisfy. "All humor is self deprecating." I wrote that on the forum twice in the past 24 hours. Awful youtube comments are pretty hilarious when you remember why you wrote them for yourself.

@Someone here To say that religions are pointing to a fantasy is really ignorant. There surely has to be something magnificent to discover(heaven/paradise/truth). Otherwise why would awakened beings like Rumi or Eckart Tolle for example describe it as eternal joy, love, unconditional happiness etc. If someone isn't deluded then its definitetly an enlightened being/master.