Viking

i think there's difference between non people pleasing and antisocial behavior. you could try to make your intentions heared and by this way avoid conflict. for example, instead of not making eye contact when someone approaches you and you work, you could try saying "sorry i really have to finish this, can we talk later?". that would make people understand you and dislike you less. if they wont leave you alone or wont listen, then they are truly exhibiting toxic behavior and i would either be upfront about it and tell them that you dont like that they dont let you work, or if that doesnt work change your job.

personally i found the more socialization i had the more opportunity for growth and self reflection i got because people find the bullshit in you much better than you can yourself also people expose you to stuff outside of your bubble, especially people who are different than you are one way to grow is to do it alone but another way which is more practical in my eyes is doing it through other people as external catalysts for me at my level of consciousness lack of socialization is what kept me from growing and stuck in a rut

actually that's a very interesting idea, i sort of got excited i thought about maybe sharing my thoughts on facebook or instagram. i saw people do that. picking a particular topic and writing about it. people might be interested in it. i also love a lot giving advice to people so it sort of fits, but people usually dont want to listen to me haha because it might ruin their worldview or it makes them feel bad about them not working on their life

that's the thing, is there really anything that can be done with thinking? haha just by saying "done" it implies "to do" something. doing something isnt thinking about something. do people make careers out of thinking?

maybe it's tricky for me because the thing i do easiest is thinking. i think about everything and have a computer notebook where i have years of writing about my thoughts. thing is i dont think about particular topics, i think about everything, and it's often problem solving oriented thinking. whether it's my relationships, philosophy, life purpose, insights about life.. there is no one thing i think about.

I dont want to be a dabbler. i want to choose something and master it, but im stuck with so many options because im interested in so many things and potentially good (relatively, since i didn't put enough effort) at so many things. maybe it's because of my adhd but i start doing something and then it's very interesting but then i go do another thing and it's interesting as well. i just cant settle on one thing because i cant stand the thought of not doing other things. also i ended up dabbling in so many things that things started to bore me because i wasnt very good at one specific thing. what do i do? feel so all over the place

@mandyjw i dont think i focus too much on lack, i feel it's more like i cant enjoy my hobbies and feel unease. what i usually do is try to enjoy things anyway, but i feel too 'hungry for love' to be able to enjoy it fully and in a relaxed way. @kag101 of course i have more sources of fulfillment, i enjoy friends' company sometimes, i watch youtube videos, play chess, study programming.. thing is, i dont enjoy doing these things too much when i want her love too much. i can enjoy somewhat, but i just feel uneasy as if really hungry and cant focus. i do work and my work is very stressful for me at times. there is some room for fulfillment but usually im too stressed to appreciate it.

@mandyjw what im saying is what if loneliness and lack of love (not meeting girlfriend) is similar to the sensations of thirst and hunger but much more complex and subtle? if it's so, we might need love as we need to eat, and it's not only mistaken beliefs. im not saying mistaking beliefs arent harmful and some forms of emptiness are indeed formed out of thoughts, but if my need of love is what causes a biological lack like hunger is, how can i deal with this "hunger for love"? or is it even the case? can a man live without love?

@mandyjw I understand what you're saying, but thing is, do you also think that hunger and thirst are just caused by thoughts? that those emotions are caused by 'not being aligned with the truth of ourselves'? If not, what's the difference? According to maslow, hunger and love are both biological needs just on different levels.

What i mean here by a feeling of emptiness is a state of unease in which I need to get something to fill it. If im not aware enough, I'll try to fill it with food or masturbation, youtube.. and I noticed what truly fills it is when im with my girlfriend (if we manage to connect). When im with her i feel like I dont need anything. I'm with her for more than 9 months so you cant really say it's the honeymoon phase anymore. If I spend too much time with her though, I have a burning desire to do something else, like make a project, read, study, etc. so i guess after a while my need is satisfied and if you speak in terms of maslow's hierarchy, I get to the next stages after my love and belonging needs are satisfied. Problem is, is that we meet only twice a week, and while i know it's relatively often it's still hard and I want to figure out how to cope or to know what im doing wrong. When it's only been a day after we meet i might be great, but when it's more than that I start to feel the emptiness feeling and my motivation to study or progress in life wanes and the only thing I want is some food or to masturbate, while in reality i guess I just need to feel love. Is there a way to fill this emptiness without my girlfriend? Other people sometimes might but it's so rare that I manage to connect well with people. I wonder if I could do some meditation or something to not feel the emptiness. Or maybe the solution is to just learn to cope with the emptiness or try to deconstruct it somehow. im looking for the deepest possible solution but practical solutions are also welcome lol.

how do i do something if i dont feel like it? i tried to create habits but i just dont manage to do the thing i need in the first place so the habit doesn't catch up. i feel this issue is very deep as practically everyone faces this.

i don't know exactly the situation because im not in your shoes so i cant say anything regarding the situation. what i can say is that you have all this anger and it seems you never shared with her any of it. if you tell her this seriously and she disregards it then that's a red flag, but maybe you share your feelings with her and you realize maybe she doesn't take all of this seriously and maybe you misunderstand the whole situation. you have to communicate. it seems like it could be that you built all of this in your head and you're angry because u misunderstood her. communicate, and try to understand her. if she doesn't care about your feelings, run.

pretty simple. just things i could occupy my time with while enjoying. also maybe life purpose/wisdom eventually, as inquiring into metaphysical matters could be considered a hobby, but as of now i derive no enjoyment from these things so i need to start somewhere

@AlphaAbundance for me hobbies arent just that, but a starting point from which to achieve all of the above. u saw i included reading as my hobbies and youtube. they encapsulated a lot of what you're talking about. hobbies for me eventually turn into passion and life purpose so its not just "hobbies"

@BlackMaze@Soulbass My hobbies were: Tv shows - My whole life I've been a huge fan of tv shows but now they're predictable and only rarely do i find something worth watching that keeps me watching. Youtube - Used to watch a lot of varied content, and still do, but also very rarely, as most things got predictable/repetitive. Videogames - My access has been cut off to them due to lack of a gaming PC but when I do have the chance they're sometimes entertaining, but only if they're extremely challenging like dark souls or dota, as I have the possibility to improve and overcome the challenge. Basically the rush of succeeding at something challenging. But back in the day i remember when i played videogames often they got also boring because maybe the effort required to further advance was too high and i wasnt committed enough. I thought if I put that much effort into something I might as well put the effort into something more worthwhile and not as limited as a videogame, and since, ive been breaking my mind what could i put that much effort in. I thought about coding, as i was good at it in highschool and maybe it could end up being more useful, and i tried and it was slightly entertaining. The problem came when i finished a coding session and when i thought some time later about doing another one it felt like a drag as the reward felt too small and i couldn't come up with things to code. it also felt pointless, i started asking myself why do i do it. just coding something random without direction felt too pointless and my motivation was gone very fast. i thought about just forcing it but the pointlessness is too strong that i cant bring myself to. (and from experience in other things if i force myself to do it ill hate doing it) i thought about reading books and i actually read quite a bit of books (kind of proud of myself) (though didnt finish a big percentage of them), some from Leo's booklist, but i dont really enjoy doing it. it feels more like a chore and as a means to an end, to fix some problem in my life, and often i feel too overloaded with information for it to be worthwhile. also comes the thing with the tv shows and youtube that stuff starts to feel repetitive. i thought about building electronic things but my imagination fell short and i was frustrated quickly as i was thinking what to do. i have a bachelors of physics so i thoguht about studying it some more and i did try but it also feels directionless and pointless like the coding so i didnt get far as i quit. basically i cant stick with things because they feel mostly pointless/directionless or i lack imagination or i feel overwhelmed with the options i have so i end up paralyzed. i didnt find anything as engaging and consistent as videogames yet, but as i said my access to them is very limited. i think maybe what makes them engaging is that they set the pace so i dont have time to stop and think if its worth doing (though it happened a lot with videogames too, just sometimes i happen not to think about it for some reason). dont know how to let these thoughts and feelings go with other things. also videogames give me a rush like no other thing so i keep coming back. why do i need a 'point' to do something you ask? i probably dont, as i sometimes play videogames without a point, but it's just a thought that i cant get over, combined with my aversion to put effort into things, which make strong negative emotions (which might even feel like crying) that put me off. p.s. what i partly meant by "force myself" in the original post is trying to force myself to do a thing despite it feeling pointless.