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About Raphael

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  • Birthday 03/27/1997

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  1. MY JOB IS KILLING ME I need to get out as soon as possible. I learned a lot about ego and low conscious behavior, but it's getting too toxic. I cannot even share my opinion without getting judged by people higher in the hierarchy or being accused of defying them. All theses ego and clashes are making me sick, it's time to move.
  2. @Leo Gura We're waiting for you
  3. MY STAGE ORANGE EGO IS REALLY STRONG SOMETIMES I often feel like I'm smarter than most people and I convinced myself many times in the past that I was right. I just had an experience where I had this feeling but in the end, I was wrong. I feel angry in these moments of egoic convictions, then I realize how dumb I am to act like this. This is toxic stage orange and it doesn't feel good. Hopefully, I'm aware of it, it's the first step through change. Main lesson: It's very difficult to really know if I'm right. I need the maximum possible informations, enough exchange with other people before assuming something, and more humility. Sub lesson 1: When ego is involved I don't feel good. Sub lesson 2: Not knowing/Not being egotistical right feel better than the opposite
  4. @bejapuskas I was finally wrong
  5. @Apparation of Jack I'm actually very honest with myself on my vulnerabilities. Some of the things I mentioned are not as bad as they seem, for example, "I think I'm smarter and superior to other people" and "I always want to be right". That's because most of the time before saying something I try to see the problem from many different angles and I usually take a lot of time before coming with an answer as I analyze everything first, where most people don't do it. I just had an experience recently at work where I took more than 2 hours on a problem before giving an answer and another guy didn't even take the time to think through it and just assume he's right. So in the end, I'm actually right most of the time and of course, I can turn this statement into an egoic behavior, which is dangerous.
  6. Sadhguru actually does this many times for fun, but also to help raise consciousness. He's empathic when doing it, where low conscious extroverts are anxious. I agree with this, and yes it probably happens more with extroverts, because this is how extroverts display low consciousness, but it can also happen with introverts. I'm saying this because I'm an introvert myself (more specifically an INTP) and I have been needy in the past, and confrontative, and I humiliated some people by using the argument that I was way more smarter and developt than them. They were mostly extroverts because my low conscious introversion was reacting against their low conscious extroversion. I'm currently following someone on Youtube who used to go party late at night, get drunk, do some drugs, sleep only a few hours and then go to work in a chicken coop. This person is now a successful online entrepreneur and thinks of itself as an introvert, his videos are very interesting, and I highly resonate with his ideas and energy. I also met dumb introvert and smart extrovert in the past. I had extroverted friends who went party, got drunk, and smoke some weed, but at the same time, they were much more open-minded than most people. I enjoyed sharing ideas with them. So things are more complicated than in appearance... Many times introverts show low consciousness in other ways by playing video games, watching dumb TV shows, youtube... Low conscious people do low conscious stuff, they just appear in different ways, so it can be directed outside or be done alone.
  7. PURE LAZINESS I have been very lazy yesterday and also a lot today where I have a client waiting for some work. It seems like my brain and body need its a dosage of pure laziness. In these moments I usually spend many times on the internet, watching youtube videos with low values, making a lot of research without reading completely what I find, going very quickly into a lot of diverse content, watching porn, masturbating, etc. I'm not focused in these moments and I usually don't remember most of the things I see. It happens too many times at work and on the weekend, and this is really killing many of my results, and this needs to be fixed. I URGENTLY NEED TO IMPROVE MY WORK ETHIC.
  8. MY PSYCHOLOGIST HAVE A BAD PSYCHOLOGY I've been seeing a psychologist for more than one year now and I can see some bad patterns with her. She's probably much more open-minded than the average person, but she has some limitations. Many times when I mentioned new possibilities for myself she pointed out negative stuff and possible risks at first. It seems that she thinks she understands more stuff than most people, which is probably true, but at the same time, her ego can corrupt her judgment. Nevertheless, it's still interesting to analyze her behavior. Main lesson: having a professional degree doesn't imply that someone is a real professional. Discernment and questioning have to continue, especially with people who consider themselves as being better than most people.
  9. I'm avoiding my family
  10. I think I'm smarter and superior to other people I always want to be right My relationships are terrible I'm uncomfortable with women I'm still a virgin
  11. STARTING AS A FREELANCE WEB DEVELOPER I just got my first client pretty recently, I was mostly focused on that and I didn't write here for a few days. Starting something new is never easy, and starting something new which is directly linked to financial independence and survival is stressful. I was a little anxious when starting the job. I had many doubts on my competencies and I didn't felt ready enough. However, I'm actually progressing at a satisfying rhythm and I'm able to respect the deadlines. But my mind doesn't want to calm down. Sleep has been terrible this week. Even if things are going well for the moment my brain is disturbed and DOESN'T WANT TO SHUT UP
  12. Things are complicated ... This thread seems like mixing many things together: introversion, extroversion, shyness, social anxiety, loneliness, neediness, low consciousness, high consciousness... By the way, I don't think Sadhguru or Joe Rogan have low psychological development. I will maybe go back to this thread later this week, I have a lot of things in my mind right now.
  13. PERSPECTIVES CAN VARY A LOT One day a coworker told me that he thought I was older than him (he is 24), another day, a guy at the gym though I was still in high school. He told me I looked really young, maybe like 16 and that he was really impressed that I looked so young at my age. Main lesson: reality is highly subjective and people see things in many different ways.
  14. LOVE YOURSELF Life is great right now. Nothing has really changed externally, but many things happened internally. I remember how miserable I was last year, I hated so much the world and my dad that I started having panic attacks. Panic attacks alone at midnight in a small apartment is not a funny thing. It didn't happen once, but more than a dozen times. It was the signal that I was going too far, and that if I would continue to live with so much hate I will be dead soon. At the end of last year, my mind and body reversed smoothly, and I started to love myself. In fact, the opposite happened, I loved myself so much that I had moments of pure ecstasy, where it was difficult to control. I was completely blown away by life, my own existence, and the fact that I exist. I saw common and insignificant things such as objects or dirt as miraculous. It was one of the best moments of my life. Main lesson: Love yourself or die.