non_nothing

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  1. Now after this, I feel a bit relieved. I didn't strive forward for nihilistic after that conclusion. Just relieved and that's all.
  2. I now consider happyness is yet another delusion of ego. What is happiness really? I think that is a shadow casted by ego. To make one feel that happiness is somewhere out there. Then you seek for it. Which is this key point right here. You start to seek for it. Now it all begins at this key point. I have thought it a lot and i concluded that if I feel this unhappiness feeling within, thus everyone has that. My "imaginary" happy people out there have this too. Nobody can escape this feeling. I don't think so. Nor enlightenment or enlightened people. Whoever say the opposite, they are delusional.
  3. Fixing my wage slavery would help. But I am feel very unsafe about taking a leap towards quitting my job. Therefore thinking about this fact already establishes a lot suffering in my mind. This non vanishing stress of mine throughout the years have had damage over me. I cannot understand. I read again and again. Cannot make sense. I feel completely lost
  4. Just a few notes for myself Okay I will let go of every thought or opinion that I held against anybody. I foresee this has tremendous power when one become nobody for others. If there to point out the best of best one sentence in your whole post that would be this.
  5. Okay I will look for it
  6. Either I don't get this, OR, the enlightened people is delusional. There's for sure something that FEELS. It is not really important who really I am, whether I am thoughts, I am my feelings that come and go. It doesn't matter. The real absolute truth is that I feel the sadness, whatever word you want to call it, thought or sadness, there's for sure something that I feel that is unpleasant, therefore It exists. If I slit a razor on any of enlightened person's skin, won't s/he feel it? It doesn't prove that they don't feel it if they don't react to it. React is something different. Tell me how and I evaluate It turned out that I had watched those already.. I will watch these again I tried it a lot of time but it doesn't seem to progress where I live. They're not genuine people.
  7. I cannot solve this for quite a long time. Cannot find a way out of this. Years and years I am unsatisfied and unhappy. Every other act turns out not working towards good. I have no desire to pursue anything. I am perfectly fine with death. I don't seem to find anything that I want from this life. Everything looks like delusion and illusion. Every person looks delusional to me.
  8. Good point. It is somewhat vague on my side. I am unsure about this, part of me feels it, part of me rejects it.
  9. Lol. You're looking at it
  10. I tried to living a life without any identity. This becomes so painful after literally taking non of any actions. Watching the life unfolds. But within my experience I have found this silly. The logical statement of push-pull and resistance sounds logical. But in practice, that I find is deeper than that. Or I couldn't find out a way of that even in the first place, who knows. These all tricky. > Wanna hear a real action that could produce massive results? Catchy, who wouldn't
  11. It is still EGO operates on the surface with the enlightened people. Every word and every human thought is simply a lie. Nothing is absolutely enlightened. It is that everyone have this or another lie of game that is on play with them. I am just here for this post to calm my mind a bit. Nothing more. It feels better for me when I write things down. Recently, I have been optimizing my life with questioning at ease.
  12. I was going to include that part also but I decided not. I am aware that still my EGO operates