Gabriel Antonio

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About Gabriel Antonio

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  • Birthday 09/09/1996

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  1. Dude, that's fucking neurotic. "Killing my 'self' today" Guess what? If your ego today, it will return even greater tomorrow. Haha.. .so just relax baby listen to this
  2. “When you listen to yourself, everything comes naturally. It comes from inside, like a kind of will to do something. Try to be sensitive. That is yoga.” - Petri Räisänen
  3. cool let us know about your progress
  4. My Week After The Ayahuasca I feel very great this week. My trip last weekend was head-on! It was actually good to take a break from psychedelics for a few months because now I can see how powerful they are. I have a so-called LSD, but I don't know if it's authentic... so I might as well stick with ayahuasca. My work was quite good. I self-doubted a bit, but overall I did well. I am with 6-year-old twins to teach English, so it's exciting to take on this challenge... quite outside of my comfort zone. I feel like abundance is overflowing in my life. The flower that I have been watering (as my 21-day challenge) is actually dying So I think I will get a new one to try again... I feel like I am singing much better. I am teaching better. I am socializing better. Everything is falling into place. Sure, ups and downs are to be expected, but I sure enjoy being high in lifeXD I have also been getting tons of energy, because I feel I am more and more aligned with my life purpose and also a lot of inner-seeds I have been watering for quite a long time (some examples, once again, are writing, music, communication); they are making my life very rich because I am not putting all my money into just one thing alone, but a huge variety. And I have been doing this for a while now... Well, that's it, I guess... It's 1:56 AM, so I should proabbly hit the bed
  5. You have said in at least two episodes that in order for you to be recording at that time, you had to force yourself to do it, that is, you applied the "going through the motion" technique, in order to make yourself do it. How often do you feel that? That is, do you have battle with laziness on a consistent basis, or are your days becoming more and more effortless? (like you mentioned in the 10 things you don't know you want episode) Thank you.
  6. Examples of Full-Circle Trying to get eliminate all your addictions is itself an addiction. Trying to be good at something makes you bad at it Trying to be confident makes you not confident Fully accepting your insecurity makes you self-confident
  7. gave up?
  8. "When you feel like judging someone, go find a mirror." - Chico Xavier (Brazilian psychic.) Note: His Wikipedia page is pretty interesting....
  9. Maybe it is all a fucking repetition… Back to feeling SHITTY! [4:02 PM] I had a pretty cool synchronicity experience yesterday. I wrote on a napkin: Turn sadness into… Art. Cause I am in this phase of trying to channel my emotions into something greater, instead of trying to get rid of them. And then, I watched an episode of “Love” (Netflix series), and Gus said EXACTLY that to Arya. I was like, “WTF, Universe? Are you kidding with me?” Sure, the brain loves to pick-and-choose, but this was kinda cool. This episode is probably the third of the third season. The title is, as I recall, Arya and Gus. I think this show is a must-watch for people-pleasers and how you actually DO NOT need to change yourself one iota. Most of the time I am feeling very directionless. I keep thinking, “I need to find a strategy…” But on the other hand, I have tried so goddamn much that I feel like this moment of my life is to relax the fuck down. But stupid thought patterns keep emerging. Self-destructive ones. Things that are NOT going to help me. So I go on to this spiral of negativity… My subconscious mind does the favor of bringing up the most cringy experiences I have gone through… All that shit of my past, which everybody has, comes stronger in my most vulnerable moments… And another thing I have been getting is the fear of missing out on life. In a way, I feel like I stopped “living” at 11. After that, I feel like fear took control of my life. This makes me feel so stuck in my head that I end up not doing anything proactive to change my situation… (even if it is something small, just to build momentum…) Cause you know what? Had I not acted last year (even if it was neurotically-driven), I wouldn’t have left my house and met so many amazing people. Random thoughts It scares me how poor of a concentration I have. I was thinking of taking drum classes to improve that. A fun way to stay concentrated is through rhythm… I feel like I am too ungrateful for life, and that I will only start appreciating it when I am old. Well, this is definitely a very pessimistic entry. Yea, a lot of shit is happening. But there are also some pretty cool things. I am definitely not being patient with myself. I keep wanting big changes to occur on a click. 4 hours later… [8:12 PM] It is really crazy how fast we can alternate from being to hell to heaven (and vice-versa). Right now, I feel REALLY good and filled with new ideas of what I can do to really improve my life. The pieces are fitting together very nicely! I am very grateful for being on the self-actualization path! (@Leo Gura , you rock man! Everyone who is reading this is already in the journey also. A very low-consciousness person would not take the time to read this...) So, even though there is a lot of inner-turmoil, I am finally getting some goddamn stability! I also owe big-time to ayahuasca. I drank about 70 ml yesterday, and even though I didn’t trip balls, some brilliant insights came to me. I also remembered many insights I have had in the past. It came to me a very radical affirmation: (Meaning, I literally do not have to do anything in particular. Nothing at all. Mooji style :P) The thing is, I am a self-help junkie. That is, I am like a neurotic micromanaging boss to myself. Not only does this demands a lot of my energy; it is also counterproductive. So, my mantra for the week is: I have no interest in peak experiences. Yea, they’re cool and everything, but I want to go beyond that. Transcend my likes and dislikes. So… I want to just keep fucking doing what I am already naturally inclined to do--especially self-help-wise--and BOOM results will come whether I want them or not. It is going to fucking overflow hahaha... I am already too much time on this path to become a complete slacker, even if I try hahaha. Homeostasis keeps bringing me back to high consciousness, as strange as this may seem. There is this force that always pushes me back, when I am way too deep in shadow-land. So I don’t really need to police myself. I already have an extremely high self-discernment that DOES NOT allow me to fall on my ass too much. I don’t know, maybe it is my guardian angel. [I choose to believe in that.] I am understanding more and more why Leo criticizes science so much. When it comes to personal growth, you gotta have direct experience. Who cares about proving shit? When you are feeling amazing in your body, you are the proof! I mean, the scientific method is awesome; but what I am really interested in is seeing results first-hand. Will I come across BS along my way? Sure, but I know it will self-filter with enough time. And, to me, what produces the greatest results is small homeopathic dosage every day. You will figure things out. Like watering the plant. You just gotta do it once or twice a day, everyday. (Depends on the plant/flower, actually). New 21-day Challenge I just created my newest challenge: watering a little flower that I have for 21 days. I might screw around with how much water it needs, so if the flower dies before that time, I will get another one. Besides that, I have deliberately set the intention of radical acceptance: whatever, let me repeat, WHATEVER happens is okay. Radical acceptance, remember? Yea, some people can use that teaching as an excuse to not take action, but it works great with my personality type, which tends to be neurotically-driven. By accepting the present moment as it is (bodily sensations, feelings, thoughts etc) --instead of trying to correct them--things start changing right before my eyes. So it is a counterintuitive approach: by accepting, I create change. Paradoxical, isn’t it? My Vision For This Journal Anyway… everything is fitting together! Yay!! I seriously hope I can write in here for at least 5 years to track my progress. Gotta find the perfect balance between oversharing vs self-censoring. On the one hand, I can easily start purging all my dirty little secrets in here. I can do that sometimes but I have already failed in my last journal for putting too much information. On the other hand, I can self-censor way too much to a point where I am too much mechanical. I want none of these. Instead, my idea for this journal is to share my journey as transparently as I can, while still protecting my basic privacy. I really hate my first entrys, and I wish there was an option for people to see my earlier posts, instead of the old ones. ( @Nahm, @cetus56, or any moderator, is this possible?) Thank you all!
  10. Yesterday was one of the best days of the year so far. Everything went smoothly. I was able to keep up with the flow of the day, without much effort. Other thoughts: On Cringing About Myself Many times when I think about my past, I go, “Holy shit, why did I do that?” In a blog post, Leo said that this is actually a sign that you are growing, but it’s kinda uncomfortable to realize that this will happen more… For example, two years ago, I was under such neurotic patterns that even though I didn’t have to do shit, I was stressing myself out so that I could cover up my feeling of guilt for not being a “productive” member of society. Whenever I was relaxing (like watching TV), I’d beat myself up internally and not let myself go… Not only was I engaging in one unhealthy behavior, but two. The second one being the part that I autoflagelate. I particularly dislike the first pages of this journal... there are degrees of cringiness... in this case, it's probably a 6 out 10. Just Do Your Thing... I was thinking about Neil Degrasse Tyson today. He is very influential and everything, speaks very well… In a way, he has been training for the show Cosmos for his entire life. The show itself is the result of all that he has lived. Similarly, I have this intuition that I will do something big down the line. Something related to self-acceptance, and inspiring that feeling to others. And now it is the time for me to take care of myself completely to the point of getting so accustomed to loving, myself regardless of what I do or don’t do, that I naturally will inspire that in others and can do a lot of awesome projects, which require that I self-accept. Self-acceptance More Powerful Than Will Instead of trying to lose weight, why not first work on accepting the one who causes you to overeat? Instead of trying to quit an addiction brute forcing it, why not talk to the one who causes you to be addicted?= Those are just some examples. Yes, sometimes all we need is a little push; but I feel like the deepest growth comes from simply loving whatever is entering your field. Nothing has to be changed. In fact, any attempt from your part to put your finger in the experience itself will only mess things up. You will cut the process. And, in a way, cutting the process can be part of the process. The little technique I like this use is: “Can I let go of that desire easily? If yes, drop it. If no, let it be.” Work Today I went back to being insecure about how I am teaching. I feel like I am not organized enough, even though the best classes are the one that I completely let go and just talk to the person authentically. All of my previous attempts to plan the classes have failed. Maybe it is because I don’t check with the other party. I always want to decide by myself, so I fail at cocreating. But, again, I shouldn’t be so harsh on myself. Things are falling into place. Sometimes I still don’t like to give the classes, but at the same time they give me a lot of energy when I do them. I always figure out something. My style is more intuitive. I can ask for my subconscious mind to guide me and making clear what the person needs from me. One thing that has becoming more and more clear is that social interactions do not have to make much logical sense. The most important thing is the energy behind the words. Yet, I have also been practicing checking if the person really understood me. Clear communication is a skill I want to develop this year, and giving language classes help me a lot with that. Theater I don’t think I will do plays in the foreseeable future. The characters I played are still developing in me, but I know how powerful it would be if I actually had a presentation. That would really solidify the knowledge. Just Another Data-Point I have been working on putting things into perspective as well. Each experience is just another experience. Each person is just another person. Each opinion is just a figment of someone else's imagination... All of that is nothing but data-points. My lower chakras are opening up, so I am connecting more to my roots (which is my intention for the year). When I am down there (below my navel), I can feel how greater I am than my current experience. Seriously, I have gone through so much shit and managed to turn out pretty decently. So whenever I am feeling insecure, I repeat to myself: "That's just a data-point." Even the planet we're on is a data point. How crazy is that...
  11. This book is really good. Not the typical self-help book... very counter-intutive and you will experience various of moments, "Wow! That is so fucking true!" The first half of the book is phenomenal; the second half (which could be a separate book) is okay... Gives good advice, but nowhere near as groundbreaking as the first half, but the second part is also very good. Very down-to-earth type of book. Specially useful for chronical people-pleasers. There are many insights on this book, and it is definitely worth buying. If you want to know about the book, here' s a pretty good interview about it: Some random about this book: > We are always suffering, so we might as well pick our suffering. > Positive thinking is sometimes nonsense. "Thinking positive? Sometimes life sucks, and the most healthy attitude is to admit that." > One of the worst things in the world today is the neurotic need to ALWAYS feel good emotions (he gives a very good examples about this on the video above) > When you find your mission, you will stop giving a fuck about all your petty little problems > We shouldn't trust our feelings so much. (He explains in great detail in the book) > So, the most famous quote on this book is something to the effect of, One thing that popped in my head was the fact that in Math, when multiplying the rule of signs are: - + = - - - = + So: if I have a negative experience and I try to positive, this turns out to be negative. If I have a negative experience and allow myself to fully feel "negative", this turns out to be positive. >>> He provides brilliant real-lifes examples. The Beatles one was my favorite because I got a great mindfuck.