Silly humans…
Nobody here is AWAKE because this is an INFINITE DREAM

Hi there *whatever pronouns you prefer*:)
I meet and see a lot of people that use pronouns like they/them, they/she, he/they, theirs (or even fae or ze). I was getting a piercing the other day and when filling out the info form, the list of pronouns to choose from was very long. I applied for a vipassana retreat the same day and could just choose either male or female.
I respect it and its none of my business what concepts people personally identify as. But it is still sometimes a bit hard for me to wrap my mind around, and its a part of me that feels slightly confused by it. I would like to understand this from a higher perspective (like stage yellow or turquoise, I am at stage green, and am in no way enlightened).
I have been on dates with "people with vaginas" that to me look like "cute alt girls" and call themselves "queer" and "they/them", and they also just date men. I have guy friends who have switched pronouns to "he/they". When i ask why, they say it is  because they feel like they dont fit into traditional "gender norms" or that they are equally masculine and feminine or that they like to switch between being dominant and submissive in the bedroom. 
I have no problem with calling people what they would like to be called, but I sometimes struggle a bit to understand it. I am also a bit afraid to ask too much, since it seem pretty personal for them. Im just curious and would like to understand it at a deeper level. Maybe i´m just overthinking.

That's right, independent thinking is no guarantee of proper sense-making or truth. It's just the bare minimum to even stand a chance. Independent thinking easily turns into corruption or distortion.
1) In your case you can clearly see through a bit of self-reflection that your worldview is strongly colored by hurtful traumatic events. This kind of emotionality creates bias and distorts sense-making. So a simple answer to your question is to not ever make an worldview based on hurt, bitterness, or suffering, since such a worldview will be distorted and dysfunctional. Basically, don't construct worldviews based on negative emotional states.
So in this case, proper independent thinking should have led you to see that your worldview was constructed from a place of trauma, which is not a sound way for constructing a worldview. Imagine if I constructed the entire Actualized.org worldview based on my mother abusing me as a child. Would that be an accurate worldview? Clearly not. I would first need to heal that trauma before I could construct a proper worldview.
2) There cannot be any formula for avoiding self-deception. The only solution is live consciousness and active intelligence. This intelligence must be active at all times and self-reflecting. It cannot be a one-and-done thing. You must keep being intelligent as long as you live.
3) Practically, in your case, therapy would be a good way to gain more clarity over your worldview. Psychedelics as well of course.
4) If you have deep Awakenings or realization of Infinity/Love/God, then you will realize that self/other is an imaginary duality which must collapse. From this understanding you can know that your bitterness and hatred of mankind cannot be truthful, because mankind is just an aspect of God/Infinity/Love/Self. The truth is that the same people who killed your dog are metaphysically identical to your dog and yourself, since there is no difference between self and other at the highest level of reality. So in order to heal yourself from this tragedy would require connecting with that disowned, shadow aspect of yourself. The thing you hate the most -- the people who killed your dog -- is the thing that you will ultimately need to realize as identical to yourself. That would be the conclusion which results in the healing. But that is a tall order. I'm not tell you to necessarily just do it right now. You probably need much more time to pass before you are ready to face such radical integration.
I'm sorry, this is difficult to tell you, but the following applies here:
https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-090
The entire challenge of spirituality is to integrate that.
To integrate that basically requires complete Awakening beyond what a human mind can imagine. It would be an Awakening so deep that you would basically die and return from the grave. In that moment of death, death itself would heal you. (I am not talking about suicide.)
When the self dies, God's love cleanses your psyche of corruption by melting you into pure Infinity. An ocean of love where your dog, yourself, and your enemy are One. This Oneness is Absolute Truth. From this Truth all sense-making must derive, otherwise it will be corrupt.

I was perusing @Leo Gura's blog. And I ran across the post with the video about Borges' idea of the infinite library.
The idea is that there's an infinitely large library that contains every single combination of letters that could ever be.
So, most of the books in the library are totally unintelligible with completely random letters. But every book that currently exists, exists in the library as well... as well as many many versions of those books with just one character difference. And even the story of your exact life (from birth until death) exists in the library.
It's an interesting idea that I'd thought on in a lesser detailed version of "10,000 monkeys tapping away on typewriters will eventually produce all the works of Shakespeare." But it explored that idea in much deeper detail. I'll post the video below because it's definitely worth a share.
But the idea of the Infinite Library is a close symbolic representation of a common theme that comes up in my medicine journeys... and which comes up in other forms in multiple points in my life. And facing it in my medicine journeys has revealed it to be my greatest fear... with a fear a million times greater than that of death.
And in one of my medicine journeys, it showed me that this fear of the "infinite library" and specifically the infinite numbers of books in that library that contained so much suffering was the reason why the infinite consciousness contracted itself and convinced itself to be this particular avatar in the first place.
In the medicine journeys it always shows up as a constant changing of inconsistent scenes where it's like one scene doesn't relate to the next at all. So, it's like an inundation of billions of realities that are all happening all at once forever... and constantly shifting and changing where one moment is totally dissimilar for the rest. It's just like having all the books in the infinite library playing out all at once without anything linking them.
It's been infinite knowledge of all realities that have ever been all flashing before me chaotically in a way where no meaning can exist. And during these times, I had to remind myself on a moment by moment basis that "This experience will pass" just to get through those experiences.
And all of my life has felt like this journey towards expansion into infinite knowledge... which my life's purpose is to contract and to embrace mystery and limitation. But my curiosity leads me into more and more and more and more expansion. And only fear of the infinite library leads me into contraction... which is the wiser direction.
And the chaos and meaninglessness of the everythingness of the infinite is SOOO much more difficult than the experience of ego death.
But what's interesting is that the Infinite Library has popped up for me in unexpected places outside of medicine journeys. (Bearing in mind that I didn't experience the everythingness in my medicine journeys until I was 30)
Like, once when I was 11 years old, I had a blank video tape. And I had a television with a built in VCR where I could record on blank tapes. So, I thought it would be a very interesting idea to just push record for like 1 second at a time at random as I watched tv. So, I ended up producing a video tape that was nothing but a bunch of flashing images that have no connection to one another... a much less intimidating version of the medicine journey visions.
Then, when I was 21 and I was in my BA portfolio class (during my senior year of college as an art major), I came up with this idea to do these three animations made from 29 large paintings. And the animations were short 3 second videos... and just of people where I filmed their reaction to me candidly filming them. So, one of the animations was 9 paintings and the other two animations had 10 paintings each. And the idea was to try to push the visuals as far away as possible from one another but to still have the animation read smoothly. And I was trying to make all the paintings totally different to where there was not clear aesthetic linking them together. And I even got into a bit of a resistance to one of my professor's critiques that my backgrounds didn't show "everythingness" like I attempted to capture. And once I got through with those paintings, I got disgusted with art and it lost most of its meaning to me. I was also pregnant at the time and didn't know yet... so I chalked by disgust up to having to push my creative energy outward and diffuse it instead of internalizing it for my pregnancy. But I still haven't been able to find much meaning in art... or in images in general.
I even went to a Reiki healer a few years back... which I've always been a fence-sitter about these kinds of practices but enjoy engaging in them none-the-less. And without telling her anything about this, she told me that there seems to be a rip in my aura where the boundary-line between my temporal perspective and the source's perspective has been breeched... and that it was creating a dynamic like an open aperture where too much of the infinite was flowing into my temporal perspective and making it difficult to differentiate myself from the source.
Also, the inundation of social media videos and images... AI slop and shortform content has made all of the videos that I've created feel somehow meaningless to me. Before, I saw my YouTube channel as meaningful. But now, I feel like my channel and my words have lost all meaning... as has all information and teachings in books, videos, and creative projects in general.
And I have spent many years of my life trying to lean into my rarity and uniqueness as a person to try set myself aside from other people. Like, as a teenager, I had to believe that I was the rarest person on the planet... and I tried to hyper-specify my personality. But in recent years, I've been trying to integrate ordinariness (which I always avoided for fear of becoming just another spec in the white noise and my life losing meaning). But it was through ordinariness that I got to feel deeply interconnected with humanity, nature, and the universe at large.
So, it changed my perspective entirely on averageness and ordinariness... and helped me recognize that everything extraordinary has only and will only ever come through my embrace of the ordinary and of imperfect humanity.
I think one of my main issues is that I have some kind of deep-seated belief like, "Only rare things are meaningful." And in a sense, this is how humans create meaning... despite that not being reflective of what's true in the absolute sense. Humans will find more meaning in books that make sense. But from the higher perspective, a book of sense-making and a book of gibberish are of equal validity. And without them, the entire premise of the library would be undermined.
So, the Infinite Library video found me at a good time... as I feel like I'm really contending with some kind of identity loss because I no longer feel much differentiated from the next person. And that's a good thing, I think. But in the interim of letting go of identity as a differentiating agent... there is a real sense of losing meaning and losing the old coping strategies that are served through the creation of that meaning.
But I like the idea in the video that every single book has meaning... even if it's not apparent. It's a new lens that can help me transcend the old lens as I have a real vibe about what that perspective is.
I've always tried to be one of the rare books in the library that actually make sense.... as that would make me better, scarcer, and more valuable compared to other books. And differentiation and proving my rarity and meaningfulness to myself was the coping game of my life... and there was SOO much meaning in that before. But now it is not that meaningful. That piece of gum has had all the flavor chewed out of it.
But I feel that this era of my life is about recognizing that I am indeed one of the common books with only random letters in it and that that makes me feel a sense of belonging within the library as it's unlikely that a book of gibberish is taken off the shelf and ogled at by library-goers, unlike the rare books that make sense.
Here's the video...
And here's one of my animations that I mentioned...
 

At the highest dose I’ve taken, I experienced Infinite Love. Furthermore, I experienced superhuman levels of empathy, similar to what I imagine Jesus Christ must’ve been living from.
When Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself”, he was not being philosophical about it. It’s an Absolute Truth you can become directly conscious of.
After my trip, I sat outside on a park bench in Austin, TX. This park was located right next to a busy street filled with traffic.

As I was meditating, I looked out to the sky. My mind came in saying, “man, this would be so much better had it not been for the cars polluting everything.”
Then I zoomed out and saw the entire park, street, cars, my mind, the sky…. It’s all Love! Nature and pollution are identical! How could I love one over the other?!
Now is the appropriate time to ask the classic nondual question:
Who are you? 

A short excerpt from the episode. Proceed with caution:

That’s lovely, but please don’t don’t suck on my

!

LETS GOOOO

Is the one question to all our answers.
 
Insert your answer below ⬇️ 

Replying to this 7 years later 😹 (that’s my old account, pre-transition).
THAT I LOVE ALL OF YOU NO MATTER WHAT OUR DIFFERENCES ARE 

Oh, wow…  So that’s what my profile pic about   (yes, i drew it)

 
 

Love-4-Truth 

That's the right stuff!
Yes, God mind, universal mind, infinite mind, etc. Whatever you choose to call it.
So, you've experienced this too. You're not alone. The first time it happened I was like "Wow, I never knew that could happen". It was like I tuned in the God frequency. I've spoken many times before about this Hyper-focused consciousness being the catalyst. I wanted to tell everyone about it when it first happened. But I guess it's just words until you've had the direct experience for yourself. 

Here’s a few completely different type of music I enjoy the most.
1. Melody, drop is majestic:
https://on.soundcloud.com/MOYfHmEZ3yVC07JXK3
2. Lyrical (bittersweet):
https://on.soundcloud.com/TTTQxvMvTweHwdTP9s
3. Beat heavy (gets the most out of my dancing, technical wise):
https://on.soundcloud.com/kr7DQGtvleh9A89F8u
4. Melody, sad:
https://on.soundcloud.com/44UYeDwoJekW5V3EgB
- - - - -
Bonuses:
1. If I want to go absolutely fucking nuts:
https://on.soundcloud.com/jhTUx3czesiKh5zlQP
2. Lyrical, emotional (gets the most out of my dancing, emotionally):
https://on.soundcloud.com/ese9UFtvO0jN8F9W9S
3. A Vibe! (skip to 12 mins onwards):
https://on.soundcloud.com/oVUFMLSqOyfi85JMDo
4. Melody, feel good / happy:
https://on.soundcloud.com/rKBGWQcoTVYIw4hBp1
5. Sexy:
https://on.soundcloud.com/zVQLfaTMMO6E0FiUtM
6. Last but not least. This is everything / love 🫶:
https://on.soundcloud.com/f93UMmjkXCH8rPnYnz
Oh, I am reminded that I have a whole album for intimacy / love-making. But I won’t drop that until Leo drops his porn collection 
- - - - -
I have too many freaking songs if I were to list them all. Music is a HUGE part of my life.
This conversation is so good and I think has potential to something very profound, if we keep it civilized and respectful. I intuit that understanding music deeply is very important to our work, because the best of it is directly in touch with God.
Music conversations can trigger all sorts of negative reactions because it is emotional, and personal.
So let’s be cognizant of it. I am dropping my list with the risk of being completely judged. Here I am, naked for you. Go for it!

Rayman as a game is really funny. Despite being so whimsical, colorful and creative, it's design is extremely malicious towards the player. Literally malicious. It is constantly trying to fuck the player over in an escalating fashion. Every time you unlock a new ability the game finds a way to use that ability against you.
It's not enough just to clear every level in the game, but you have to get every single secret in the entire game. And your not told about this at any point. Not to mention the limited live system unless you are cheating. Even with cheating, it's an accomplishment to beat this game.
Being so cutesy while being so cruel makes the game feel smug, like your gonna be mad at a game for babies with goofy sound effects and googly eyes.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/the-criticism-industrial-complex
 
This makes so much sense Leo. It reminds me of a rule you said was to never demonize any part of reality or anyone. In addition, other things you offhandedly mentioned about the problem of judgment basically retarding your consciousness if I recall correctly. 
When you criticize and judge, it is done in absence of understanding God's infinitely intelligent creation. Judgment and criticism is antithetical to an attitude of understanding truth. (This is not to neglect the use of discernment either. Discernment is an important distinction to make from judgement.) Truth = Love, so basically if you cannot love that thing, you cut yourself off from understanding its true nature. 
Anyways, thanks for this post @Leo Gura. It makes me think about how I like to criticize people's understanding and lack of expertise in something and how that makes me feel smart, powerful and wise, without having an awareness of how this attitude towards others can shut me down from an even deeper holistic understanding of others. 

You can love children in wicked ways and caring ways. Since I started transitioning, I have become more childlike and playful in my expression and approach to life. From an ignorant and selfish mind, this can be perceived as perverted, wrong, and deluded. Actually, it is the complete opposite. I am finally healing my inner child seriously and giving her the love she deserves. She was taken advantage of as a kid, tortured, and beat. And it was normalized back then. But now I finally decided to free her from the shackles of abuse and trauma. I am her, and I love myself, I am the child. This is just the beginning.

Life is a mirror 
life is beautiful 
life is mysterious 
life is presence 
I feel lucky to be alive 
I remember yesterday how I was almost kidnapped by the Syrian regime 12 years ago and tears came down my eyes thinking about all the Syrian kids who disappeared in the past 14 years. 
I feel lucky to survive Syria. 
I love Syria and I healed my trauma from it. 
Life is beautiful yet mysterious.