SQAAD

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  1. Many times.. i experience feelings of hatred towards corporations, business owners & etc. Because i see that they have excessive amounts of money (i know this is relative) BUT they are still super greedy and super selfish.. I don't understand why they pay their workers/employees the least amount of money possible. It would seem wiser to me that they paid you enough money so that you can feel more content. I know this is a tricky subject that i do not fully understand. Could someone please explain why these corporations seems so selfish and so despicable at times? I believe one reason is because most of these business owners have grown up into extreme privilege and have not experienced the pain of poverty. Below is a recent greek news video. Today a former employee of a big shipping company entered the corporation building and killed wealthy bosses and 1 emlpoyee before taking his own life.. The perpetrator was a 70 year old immigrant man.. And these greedy bosses even took away a house that they had given him. Mind you these bosses owned ships & etc, so they were incredibly wealthy... This a great exampe of too much selfishness backifiring..
  2. This was the monst insane trip i've ever experienced thus far.... And now, in my sober state, i am questioning the authenticity of what i realised....because of how impossible what i experienced was.... At one instant, i became conscious of consciously creating this moment and it was absolutely shocking and mind-boggling... All others completely dissapeared and were shown to be illusory. It was only me. As God creating this dream for myself. Also i realised that God is in love with this dream and that this dream is Perfection no matter what happens. I became conscious that as God you can create literally anything you want. But the cost of entering God mode is dying. At one point, it felt like God was giving me the chance to completely become God if i wanted to. But i didn't want to because it was too terrifying. I didn't want to lose my sense of reality and other people. Some people may say that you don't have any control whatsover. But i believe this is false. As God you have total control and you can choose whatever you want. If you wanted to be in God mode , you would be. But you prefer living this dream for a while. Also i got the sense that Reality is infinite times more amazing and better than i ever thought possible.
  3. Yesterday , i took 1 tab of acid in the morning. The trip went great & was profound. I didn't experience anything negative. But afterwards, i did the mistake to trip again in the afternoon of the same day... This put too much stress on my body... I was feeling a mild pressure in my heart, and & i was feeling weird my left hand. Hard to describe it. But it was like my left hand was not having enough blood flow or something. And it was a little bit numb. Also as i was walking, i was feeling some cracking sensations around my skull and neck. I don't know why. When i was sitting down, i didn't feel these sensations. Then, I couldn't sleep the whole night. And all this stress made me drink alchohol, smoke few cigarettes & take 1mg of xanax to calm down (which didn't calm me down enough).(Note: I don't use these substances in my every day life. I do my best to be healthy). It's just that i felt like i seriously damaged my body and my life is over forever. And i couldn't cope otherwise. The next day i managed to sleep. But i was feeling mild pain in my liver (from the alcohol i believe) and some weird sensations in my kidneys. The sensations in my kidneys frightned me more than anything. It wasn't something very serious.. But i was feeling like my kidneys were working hard or something. I have felt this sensation before , after a lsd trip. But not each time... This trip was kinda traumatic for me. Now i feel fine physically but still there is no escaping the fear and the emotional pain, at least for a few days. I just feel sad and confused because there are times when i have tripped on acid and didn't feel anything negative whatsover & then there are other times, where i have felt some unpleasant sensations in my body. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice is welcomed. And please be nice.
  4. @Jowblob I don't understand what you mean here. If you could elaborate.
  5. I have tripped with LSD approximately 4 times so far & i love it. Probably my favorite drug so far. The 1st time i tripped i remember clearly that i did not experience any negative physical consequences at all. The following days, i was feeling great also. Then , i remember one day , i slept for about only 1 hour & Because i was bored out of my mind and didn't have anything better to do, i tripped. I have similar experiences with other drugs so i didn't expect anything negative. But i felt really terrible in my body. I felt some toxic sensations in my body that lasted for few seconds.. Nothing too serious though. I really don't understand why. Probaly because i was on too much stress... But i've never had this problem with other drugs in my past.... Then one day i took 2 tabs of acid and i felt great. No negative physical sensations at all. Then the last time i tripped, it was late in the evening. I took only 1 tab. At some point, as the high was intensifying, i felt some stabbing sensations in my heart.. Nothing too serious.. But i don't understand why. All these experiences have left me with a combination of sweet and unpleasant flavors.. Can someone read this post carefully and give me some good explanations of what is going on?? I really want to trip again. I don't feel LSD is toxic or anything like that. But it seems that when you trip on the wrong times, it's not good... Also i've noticed that with psychedelics you feel every emotion a lot heavier than normal. This could stress you out aswell. I have felt sensations in my heart while tripping on mushrooms aswell... But nothing serious.
  6. @Osaid Yes God is deceiving itself. Not everything is fooling itself though, otherwise Awakening wouldn't exist. ''Impossible'' points to something which exists though. It's ''impossible'' for me to fly like a bird does. I use direct experience as my basis. Ego exists as a collections of thoughts/feelings and a sense of individuality. This sense of individuality clearly exists.
  7. @Thought Art Thank you.
  8. @Godhead No. But this time, this realization felt a lot more serious and total than all previous realizations. Also it shook me because.. i got a taste of Solipsism. It felt like there is no separate entity called Eckhart Tolle... It felt like i was just imagining a separate entity called Eckhart Tolle to keep me asleep and entertained.... Then i understood why the illusion of Reality is so comforting and why many people wouldn't appreciate their illusion getting demolished...
  9. @Osaid Who created the ego? God. Ego is a creation of God/Divinity. This is why i say that God is fooling itself.
  10. @Schizophonia Yes, this seems very true from my experience.. If you take too much LSD, you end up becoming like a drunk person.... The 2 tabs were so much, that at some point, i was finding it impossible to tie my shoes...
  11. For the past half-decade, I've been using psychedelics, primarily mushrooms, in moderation. Recently, I've secured a reliable source for LSD, which quickly became my preferred substance after two extraordinary trips. Maintaining a stable and quiet mind without any mental health issues, I rarely encounter problems in my sober state. However, my decision to trip again 10 days ago led to an unexpected experience. Despite having no tolerance, taking one tab of acid didn't produce the profound effects I anticipated after 1.5 hours. I suspected the less-than-ideal environment, given my living situation, might have played a role. Disappointed by the lack of depth in the trip and realizing it wouldn't peak, I opted to take a second tab in pursuit of the mystical experience I craved After the 2nd tab, my experience got more intense and a lot more desirable. The intensified trip led to a surreal moment while watching Eckhart Tolle. I suddenly realized that my human experience, including listening to Tolle, was a self-created fiction—an illusion. This realization shook me profoundly, and the desire to revert to the comforting illusion of reality became overwhelming. This shook me to my core like never before.... And it felt terrible when i had this realization. I just wanted my illusion of Reality back. I quickly started appreciating why Reality is constructed the way it is. If you fully understood the illusion of Reality, you may end up very depressed. There is a very good reason why God is fooling ''itself''. After this realization, i didn't want to go any deeper. I felt that if i went any deeper , it wouldn't be any good for me... Afterwards, I found myself behaving in a rather foolish & ''crazy'' manner. I came close to causing damage to my laptop as I impulsively threw it onto the floor. Additionally, I vocalized my frustration loudly, directing some of my expressions towards the atheist scientist Robert Sapolsky. I began calling him an idiot out loud over and over again. I do not understand why i acted this way. I have never acted this way before. This experience just shows me that if you take too much of a substance you will act in ways that are not easily explained afterwards. I have heard multiple experiences from people with good mental health, who have tripped hard and done some weird and stupid sh*t... I don't know how to make sense of this. I guess if you take too high of a dose, you end becoming delusional or something....
  12. @Squeekytoy When you say that its pointless, can you please explain why is this the case? How life would be , if it wasn't pointless?
  13. @Soul Flight There are some life situations where all this theory flies out of the window. I don't care how awake you think you are. If i put you in a hellish enough situation with no escape , you will probably end your life. And that's just the reality.
  14. Still i have not received a satisfactory answer, nor do i think i will.
  15. @Parallax Mind My point is not that suffering should not exist. My point is that there are some life situations where the suffering is so great and seems to serve no purpose whatsoever. What if you were a prisoner of war, living through the worst possible hell for years? What if you were captured, and tortured in the wost possible way by some Mexican drug cartel? What if you were in severe chronic pain for years? Pain that doesn't go away. How would you feel then about life and existence?