Onecirrus

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About Onecirrus

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  1. @Roy I don't plan on hurting myself, only the neurotic mind craves suicide. I do intend to drown it in being though.
  2. I can't do it anymore, I just can't fucking do it anymore. It's exhausting, it's nauseating, it doesn't make any sense, and I am too conscious of its limits to continue. A life serving the self and the mind is an arduous, empty, infuriating, unfulfilling endeavor where the only certainty is suffering. My failures are catastrophic and my victories are hollow, bringing only a few minutes of satisfaction before I feel inadequate again. I no longer posses the energy to judge others or my self anymore, I'm tired of hating, complaining, and suffering. My limited conditions for happiness are never met and are guaranteed to fail in a universe where the destiny of all forms is annihilation. My mind has driven me to the brink of suicide and back over and over and over and over and over and over- Enough!!! I don't care anymore!!! I'm done... I'm done... my only desire right now is to empty myself of myself until only God remains. I just want to rest in peace. I've wandered off of this path dozens of times, wandered unconsciously back into hell, I can't do it anymore. It's just too painful. Absolutely nothing brings happiness except spirituality, everything else hypnotizes you back into hell.
  3. I"m really starting to be come conscious of the machine like nature of my self and humans in general. Why do I blow my nose? Play videogames? Vote? Sleep? Shower? Work? Love? Hate? Debate? Yawn? Self-Actualize? Blink? Because I am a survival machine. Every man made structure exists to perpetuate survival! Bridges, condoms, tampons, bowls, toys, crypto, alchohol, paper, carpet, bug spray, wallets, fidget spinners, rubix cubes, dating apps, gloves, shoes, EVERY SINGLE UNNATURAL OBJECT IS A SURVIVAL TOOL!!!!!! Now this is even crazier, ALL CONCEPTS ARE SURVIVAL TOOLS!!!!! Religion, ideology, currency, fashion, race, nations, morality, philosophy, memory, math, science, history, virginity, red-pill, black-pill, feminism, socialism, feudalism, pantheons, deities, mercy, freedom, slavery, arrogance, ambition, hierarchy, masculinity, femininity, dogma, skepticism, scientism, misogyny, language, art, life purpose, truth and falsehood. It's very eye opening to see the world through the lens of survival as well as be aware that all lenses are for the purpose of survival. I've been thinking, what if planet earth is the only place survival occurs? What if there's no where else in the universe where forms are concerned with perpetuating themselves?
  4. Despite consciously knowing the damage and suffering it causes, I will still go to McDonald's. What in our biology or psychology is driving this irrational behavior? People are literally eating themselves to death these days!!! Why!??
  5. I'm curious why one day out of the blue, this group of primates decided "Unleashing our sexuality is bad unless under certain very specific terms and conditions and if you don't abide by these terms and conditions the creator of the universe will hate you!" What was wrong with the previous system? Why does stage blue deny itself when not denying itself worked for hundreds of thousands of years? I guess the deeper question here is, why did humanity evolve out of stage-red? What prompted such a radical change all of a sudden?
  6. https://www.tomshardware.com/news/restored-hydroelectric-plant-will-mine-bitcoin Found this funny
  7. @Leo Gura I'm here because they seem incapable of firing me lol. I've been fired from every other job. It's cool, my business is starting to take off so I don't think I'll be doing this for much longer.
  8. It seems China is intent on being this centuries Nazi Germany and they will most likely start a third world war by invading Taiwan. I don't know why this sprawling economic superpower would want to risk its financial hegemony over a spit of land, occupied by people that hate them and succeeded from them over a century ago, and that is backed by the largest military force in human history. Seriously! They're already on track to fucking win this thing! Why not just leave Taiwan alone!? But I digress. How do we prevent a third world war? By preventing the invasion of Taiwan! How do we prevent the invasion of Taiwan? By providing Taiwan a nuclear arsenal! They are one of the more developed countries in the world and probably more trustworthy than China to have a nuclear arsenal. Sure, China will have a hissy fit, but what could they really do to stop this? Taiwan is an independent nation no matter what China says and they have the right to defend themselves! I don't think anyone is dumb enough to invade a country with an operational nuclear arsenal, that would be incredibly fucking stupid because even if you defeat they're military, they will be left with no choice but to go down swinging and they'll probably glass your capital while doing so.
  9. I sit now before my computer covered in dirt, I'm too tired to take a shower. I spend my days slaving away in the hot sun and carrying heavy shit, in exchange I get like $750 every two weeks. I have no friends or ever had a romantic relationship, I live with my parents but I feel like I hardly know them and vice-versa. Trying to tell them about self help or entrepreneurship is like trying to tell a toddler about the rise of Hitler, they're uninterested and they find the television far more intriguing. It's disturbing how complacent and myopic the human mind can become after a lifetime of mediocre unconscious work, they're like zombies! The fucking television is the most diabolical invention man ever unleashed! After work my body and mind feel numb and hazy, but I fight through it because there's more important work to be done, I'm a CEO after all! At least that's what it says on my business card. I make a sale here and there but I wouldn't say my business is a success quite yet. At the end of the day I lay alone in darkness, my only companion the voice whispering 'I love you' through my headphones, sometimes its a man's, sometimes it's a woman's. Then its right back to work in the morning, to the scorching hot sun and asphalt, to serving and obeying people I dislike, to fighting the urge to knock someones teeth out. I honestly think a sane man's first reaction to being ordered around in the heat like a dog would be to gut the motherfucker who crossed you like a fish so no one else gets the idea they're your superior, but I'm a lover, not a fighter. Maybe I'll listen to one of Leo's videos with my earbuds or imagine I'm Augustus or Napoleon to pass the time! I always liked the idea of being a conqueror or an emperor. In a strange masochistic way I enjoy it sometimes, the stinging and aching in my muscles, the unforgiving omnipotent sun, the sweat bleeding into my eyes. It's a very peculiar high but most of the time I feel like jumping off a bridge. What the fuck is this? This is what life is like in the twenty-first century? How the fuck do people do this decade after decade? I'm only twenty-three and I've had enough of this shit! The life of the average person is a mind-numbing bitter struggle only interrupted by mediocre media, hollow relationships, insultingly little vacation, and alcohol. How has the plurality of mankind embraced this way of life? It is humiliating! I feel like a different species or something because I'm the only one I know fighting for an alternative! How the fuck do you just get told what to do your entire life!? Doesn't this fucking bother you after a while!? Then people get married, have kids, and buy a house, MEGAFUCKING the entire situation, now they're guaranteed to always be a wage slave! I HAD TO WORK ON THE FUCKING FOURTH OF JULY LAST YEAR!!! The day about, ya' know, FREEDOM!!! How the fuck do you cope with this shit because I feel like a losing my sanity more and more by the day!
  10. Every time I look into the mirror I want to dowse myself in gasoline and light myself on fire. I was born with a benign vascular tumor above my upper lip and was bullied throughout all of school for it (I actually had it surgically removed at 15 but that didn't change a goddamn thing, I'm still ugly without it.). I've literally never had any sort of relationship and I don't think I ever will, which really fucks with my self esteem so I'm super uber arrogant to compensate. I want to delude myself into thinking I'm not ugly not because I want sex or a relationship, but because I think it will drive me to suicide if I don't. It is like a fucking curse that has haunted me since I was born, it isn't a belief, it is reality, it is so real I think it is hurting my business, I think people are ruder and less compassionate toward me because of it, I think its why I could never make friends. How can I just deny it and then deny my denial of it? I'm 23 btw
  11. Provide your best counter argument to the statement above
  12. I recall sounds, tastes, feelings, and smells being far more robust and intense as a child. When I take psychedelics or am in a very mindful state, I find my phenomenal field is of higher definition so much so that it feels like I'm back in 2005 as a seven year old again. Is it just that I'm just distracted by the mind or does the ego literally rob me of sensory information? If the latter, how can it do that if it is totally illusory?
  13. If there's no kind of biological conceptual framework actually behind the scenes that involves my eyes, why is my visual field blurry?
  14. This should be entertaining, thoughts?