Ar_Senses

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About Ar_Senses

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  • Birthday 02/02/1995

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    Russia, Saint-Petersburg
  • Gender
    Male
  1. @cle103 I’ve enjoyed reading these one! Funny and nice 👍 I can imagine how fulfilling that is - to structure your deep trip report with full of details without any censorship. While I’ve read these I thought: “Wow, great guy, I wish we’ll be friends” 😁 Also it feels that you’re not so serious about yourself and have a good balance between Orange and Green, I guess your conscious commitment to integrate Orange deeper is itself sign of the Yellow arising. Me also right now trying to integrate Orange deeper while I’m grounded in Green. Working as a salesman, keeping a budget, changed my boots from sneakers to classy shoes) It’s really fun, like you wearing a suit or acting in the theatre. Man, good luck!)
  2. There is a three big time movies that has a very clear representation of stage-orange excesses:
  3. @JustinS I was at vipassana last year. It was cool, there I had zero complainants about food. It was out of my environment and interest, therefore I was able to keep myself clean. But 10 day retreat not always can free oneself from addiction, if it not psychedelics retreat or solo and etc.
  4. Hey there, everybody. Need some help/advice or support in the theme of self purification. It’s hard for me while I’m “inside” of all those dynamics to really stop and understand how to free myself from some bullshit that I’m doing constantly. If you have a genuine interest in helping I’ll try to describe the dark sides of my character for you, therefore you’ll be able to get a broader perspective on the situation: 24 y.o. Spiral Dynamics: Grounded in stage Green, but heavily influenced by Orange. Having a wet dreams about Yellow and trying to embody it more here and there because of my natural love in wisdom and understanding. ENTP (MBTI 16-types of personality) ADHD brain type (because of shitty childhood + genetics; not taking meds, but experimenting with nootropics) Top-4 weakness’s: Modesty and Humility Industry, diligence and perseverance Self-control and self-regulation Citizenship, teamwork and loyalty • Top-5 negative habits and addictions: Food (junk, cafe, coffee, sweet + my GF also hooked on it so it’s harder to keep myself away) Procrastination/Laziness/Distraction (ADHD + IDK what exactly, feels like it’s stage green excesses like “man, just relax”, “everything will flow to you” + a lot of self esteem issues while growing (school problems because of adhd, low-class single mother, toxic friends) Porn and masturbation (while having a GF, but with problems in sexual domain - she’s having a physical problems which aren’t able to cure around a year + negative bias’s about sex and infections etc) Social Media - Instagram, YouTube, messengers (it’s going very unconsciously, sometimes can’t take off myself sometimes for hours) Poor financial management (as I’ve mansions - low-class upbringing + green stage excesses like “I don’t need to work hard for money. It should to figure out somehow) There is some positive things that I’m doing to grow myself on the everyday basis: Leo’s videos Books and reading (self-help from the booklist) Concentration (3 min) + Meditation (20-50 min) + Affirmations (5 min) + Visualisatiob (5 min) Jiu-Jitsu (about two month) Life Purpose course (already ended but there’s a lot of “polishing” needed) Contemplation (unsystematic, but naturally talented) One of my biggest struggles in life is to get my shit together and be disciplined to do the work which in necessary. It’s obvious for me, that all those habits are about “rooting” myself into improper sources. There is something wrong with a strategy. I see that my top goal in that sphere is to get rid of food addiction, and have a clean healthy diet because it has a chain reaction on my ability to focus and self-control, which influencing procrastination, jurking, more food, bad financial decisions. I’m trying to use nootropics to “build up” my cognition for being able to clean up my diet but for now it’s failing. I have a sense of purpose now and a vision (has ended Life Purpose Course), which is inspiring for me. But yet something isn’t right. I love the idea that addictions is a lack of understanding of limitations it in the first place. So, the biggest obstacles that I see now to drop food addiction: Lack of commitment and responsibility Bad environment (Girlfriend, Parents when we met them, cafe and fast food all around the city) Lack of money (For better food; list of supplements and nootropics; for EEG and Neurofeedback to heal myself from ADHD) Lack of understanding of the benefits of being clean Lack of enjoyment and fulfillment, which brings peace and unhook from cravings Okay, while I’m writing this I’ve got an idea! Let me try to answer some questions from Leo’s video about addictions: • Step 1: Choose your addiction It’s easy! Foooood (on-nom-nom). BTW I’m not overweight (lucky bustard) • Step 2: Make a list of examples of your addiction occuribg in your everyday life: Ok! 1) When I’m going from point A to B there’s often a craving inside “Let’s go get some burger or bakery”. 2) While I’m sitting at home procrastinating my Life Purpose or job (y’all know how we do it, baby). Sorry, I’ve become playful for some reason (because it’s funny) while writing all that. At the start it were more serious. 3) When my fucking girlfriend (hello shadow) offer me some delicious shitty food which I’m not able to deny. 4) While I’m going after training and went too some fast food on the way to the metro station. Pure unconsciousness. 5) While we are visiting her (gf) parents, who are stage Blue/Orange and love to eat a lot (it’s so delicious). 6) When we visiting her (gf) sister and her husband, who are also Blue\Orange. 7) With freinds at cafe/restuarant Step 3: Ask yourself: (1) "How is that addiction a part of my personality?", (2) "For which function it serve?", (3) "What exactly I'm avoiding with the help of that addiction? 1. Starting from my childhood I've always ate some shit. Hiding it from my mom, because she has banned junk food. Most of the money that I had I've spent on food and entertainment. My whole childhood and youth was me concentrating on getting enjoyment and avoiding discomfort and my whole environment served to it easily - nobody care about me much, friends are also were intresting only in entertainment. It's a good way to hide from all anxiety and obligations, which I were never able to succeed. Limiting belief that failure is bad, which I'm kinda overgrowed right now. I guess, that craving for low-consciousness enjoyment is a part of my persona as a low self-esteem loser, with no purpose and understanding of his own value, who aren't believe that he can reach a good, wealthy, fullfilling life because of lack of support and love from surroundings and oneself. Fuck, now I'm sad and full of self-compassion. Poor little me... 2. Therefore, there's only a cheap and dumb ways to enjoy life - food, jerking off, games, sex, movies and tv shows etc. Why working hard for the bigger enjoyment, which I haven't experienced, when there's so familiar roads to "get high" and forget about my neurosis and unfullfilment? Maybe it's the same as after jurking off? It's not my only perspective and I know and even had a direct experience of fullfilment by the genuine and authentic activity. But that type of "poor boy with lack of self-confidence", apparently, still have a deep roots in my persona. 3. I'm avoidng hard work and boredom, pain and discomfort. For about a ten years I built neural roads, highways through short-term enjoyment and avoiding discomfort, difficulties, fear, anxiety, facing my lack of love and support, depression and pain, which I had no one to share. I'm not feeling anything about it at that point. It's just as it is. I'm not feeling myself as a victim right now and my things are going pretty good, normal. I know what I want and moving forward to it. Step 4: Why do I need that addiction? At that moment, I guess, to help myself escape a boredroom and lack of happiness. I feel myself unhappy often, bacause of lack of money, or procrastinating Life Purpose, or lack of freedom and independence. I'm often overwhelmed by quantity of chores and obligations, which I resistant to do - earning money, doing hard work, dealing with relationships etc. Therefore there is a belief, which sounds like: Stimulating food can bring me happiness and help me to avoid overwhelning, frustration and depression. Step 5: How my life will look like without food addiction? I will feel myself lighter, more energized and efficient, my mind will be sharper and cleaner, I will wake up easy, my skin will be clean and healthy, my guts will be healthy and functioning well, my ADHD side effets will not bother me, I'll be able to work hard on my Life Purpose, expirience higher-states of consciousness while meditating, will do self-inquiery and journaling, planning and concentrating, my monkey mind will be lesser, therefore I'll be able to sleep sweeter and better, I'll be to feel deeper the benifits of supplements and nootropics, I'll enjoyng life more, will know how to deal with boredom and negative emotions properly, in a healthy way. I will feel the inner peace and enjoyment more often, because will understand better how it work and my body will be clean from the toxines, which are influencing my mind and body, emotional state. Step 6: Am I able to let it go? Not yet...
  5. Damn, last episodes about God was pretty good! Now I'm able to get the deception (my own and all around me) with the proper respect! It's really genius and so simple. Understanding really feels like something about sexuality. The Formless one experiencing itself through everything (forms) and if it'll be too easy to get the inner game God won't be able to experience it with all the depth. Now it's obvious for me why creativity is so valuable and satisfying - because You as a form serving to God in his understanding itself through inventing something (new form) which never existed before.
  6. @Leo Gura Do you think that Zone of Genius “understanding the root causes and principles of life” are the same as “big picture thinking”?
  7. Thanks! I appreciate that you've answer! As I’ve contemplated more I’ve realized that Mysticism and Metaphysics for me are worth 20, 30, 50 years of practicing without any doubt. It’s highly interesting and rewarding. But I see that Systems Thinking and Spiral Dynamics are highly beneficial on my way of realizing Life Purpose and Awakening. I’m fascinated and genuinely interested in master them too (especially SD). Do you think that SD and ST are subfields of the Mysticism/Metaphysics? How many percentage of deliberate work you’ll recommend to spend on them? How many hours you yourself spent on developing understanding and embodiment of SD and ST?
  8. My biggest strength is Spirituality and Curiosity. I’m into HR a little bit, but I’m highly independent and can’t imagine myself happy as an HR-employee. I’m more into people than organizations and I love to see how somebody gets “AHA!” after our conversation. My vision is highly “progressive” for the current culture and it’s very hard for me to imagine that I’ll satisfy my values while helping organization at the day after day basis to transit from orange to green. But I can imagine very well that I’m coaching owner or CEO to understand what is needed to grow.
  9. 100% After my personal participation in ceremony’s with Octavio I’ll say that it’s not the best way for serious seeker who has no serious experience with substances. Octavio has he’s own perspective on it which sounds like “the bigger - the better”. He don’t believe that Martin Ball has reached enlightenment and anybody can (info from our personal conversation). I think retreats like that better for stage green integration.
  10. Hey there, Actualizers. I've done my Life Purpose course at Autumn of 2018. I've experienced a lot of resistance while doing it, but nevertheless - it's done and now I know myself so much more, it's even hard to believe that there was a time when I didn't knew or paid attention to my top Values, Strengths and important concepts like "Resistance", "Mastery", "Hero's Journey", "Purple Cow" etc. I have a problems with it and need some help, questions and advices from you! First problem: Am I Leo's clone or just very alike? My purpose, values and interests are so close to the Leo's (he in my lists of three inspiring human beings) that I'm afraid that I'm just copying him. From the other side there is a lot of similarities between us that are very authentic for me. I was interested in the nature of reality and understanding of how everything works even when I was a teenager. I'm even got to know and learn about Life Purpose and Zone Of Genius before found the Actualized.org channel. Same story happened with psychedelics - I was intuitively interested and learning about it even before Leo recognized that it has a potential for growth. Not that I'm just using some LSD at the party, I'm really reading and watching videos about it far before try it. Same story with meditation - I've started to practicing zen from my first course at the college. It’s all very close to Leo's intentions and values, it's making me nervous even if I aware of everything I've mentioned before. Second problem: There is no tears while im visioning Down below I'll try to describe my personality as accurate as possible, therefore you'll be able to understand me more and help me with my anxieties. I remember visioning that I'm becoming somebody who living fulfilled, juicy, rich and happy life. That I'm somebody who set example to others and anybody can understand without words "There more to live, than you can even imagine!". I'm imagining that people get to know from me about Life Purpose, Deepest Truths about reality, Wisdom, Mysteries. That I'm somehow figured out how to communicate that truths to people even better than through words and emotions. But there is no tears, at the moment I can't achieve that state which Leo demonstrate in his vision video. And that is put me in a worry. Let's imagine that I'm a RPG-character Life Purpose: To inspire people and share wisdom to make their lives richer and happier Zone of Genius: Figuring out the life (uncertain) Top-10 Values: Wisdom; Truth; Freedom; Adventure; Self Expression; Peace; Contribution; Communication; Health/Energy/Strength; Leadership. Top-5 Strengths: Spirituality, sense of purpose and faith; Curiosity and interest in the world; Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness; Woo (enjoing the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you); Humour and playfulness. Spiral Dynamics: Grounded in Green, jumped to soon through Orange (need to embody it deeper) wish to move at Yellow in 2-3 years MBTI Type: ENTP (Debater) - Tested myself with biennial intervals - same results. Me myself, girlfriend and close friends are agreed that it's pretty accurate description of my persona. The interesting thing is in the NT-element which is called “Promethean” I’m really inspired by that image and meaning, which it contains. I’m in love to help people to become God-like with help of “Fire” (Wisdom). I’m already doing that type of work on practice with my friends and closest circles. 5 Trades: Cognitive Style - Intellectual; Organizational Style - Flexible; Energy Style - Ambiverted; Management Style - Responsive; Interpersonal Style - Competetive 20-year career plan: Practicing and learning a lot of Mysticism, Spiral-Dynamics and Systems Thinking (zone of genius work). Become a salesman in HR sphere to accumulate €10000 for iPec 1-year course in Netherlands. Participate at iPec coaching course and becoming a consultant who are using Spiral-Dynamics to help powerful and passionate people to move at the Stage Yellow. To live and work in Netherlands. Finally be able to pursue enlightenment without anxiety about basic Maslow-hierarchy needs (money, work, social status etc.). Have enough net-worth to get a degree at Maastricht University as a bachelor of psychology and participating in psychedelics studies. Become a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Black belt. Become deeply grounded at the Stage Yellow. Initiate opening of Neo-Sanatorium, where people will be able not only use traditional spa/massage/bath procedures, but also use MDMA/Mushrooms therapy, DMT, 5-MEO-DMT, LSD, Kambo, Psychotherapy, Coaching, Shamanism etc. to get deeper understanding of the nature of reality or reconnect with it among legit professional facilitators, medical assistants, guides. Dive deep into Spirituality, stage Turquoise awakening, pursuing enlightenment even harder. Short-term goal: To embody stage Orange properly and close my struggles with money and career, eating clean. Key Story Elements: Retreats and Psychedelics: 10-day vipassana retreat, LSD, Ayahuasca Ceremony, Kambo, Bufo Alvarius (5-meo-dmt) retreat with Dr. Octavio Rettig Embodied Practices: Concentration (10-13 min); Meditation (20-40 min); Affirmation (5 min); Visualisation (5 min); Reading; Nootropics. Half-ass embodiment: Self-Inquiry; Journaling; Contemplation; Zone Of Genius Work; Supplements. Sports: Pull-ups, push-ups at home; Jiu-Jitsu (2 times a week, started 11.2018) Place: Russia. Moved from my own town to Saint-Petersburg (6 mln population, big city near Europe) when I was 18 y.o. to study at the University of Cultures and Arts. Money Archetype: Innocent (limiting belief that I'm unable to work with money, so it's better to avoid it at any cost), Idealist (limiting belief that money problem should be solved without labour). Issues: ADHD Education: Always had a problems with discipline, respect to authorities, math, physics, homework. End up with good points for final exams in Literature (83/100), Russian and English languages (73/100 and 76/100, Social Studies (67/100). Win a government budget program to become a bachelor of social-cultural activities in the University of Culture and the Arts, experienced a lot of difficulties with constancy and discipline, stupidity and low-consciousness, but was recognized as a talented guy. Left at last year. Was too arrogant and judging. Career: Started to work since 15 y.o., worked as prometer at the streets, art-gallery assistant, art-manager, art-director at restaurants, journalist for karting-centre, interviewer, concert-manager, salesman for music collective, shitty administrator at the recording studio . Vision Board: Click Here So guys, please, ask me a questions which can get busted my Ego-self and figure out is it Authentic intentions or Self-Deception. If you struggled with something similar - share your story with me and help to overcome this fucking self-doubt. Thanks! P.s. @Leo Gura if you have some time to give an advice to me it'll be perfect.
  11. Holly Molly!) Thanks, man!) I appreciate it!
  12. Hello there! I'm naive 23 y.o. guy who had never made any comprehensive blood work and tests since high school. I've spent about 3 years trying to dealing here and there with my anxiety, depression, lack of focus and motivation, trying different stage green practices and only now I'm getting serious about nutrition and health But the problem is that I'm live in Russia, where most of doctors are very dogmatic and close-minded people, who's salary depends from government (very low) so they, most common, don't give a fuck about you. So if I'll come to the doctor (I've made it already) he'll ask me what injuries do I have, and if there is not - he'll recommend me nothing. So, in that situation, information is a key - I need to know, what tests and blood works I should deliberately do, to understand holistically where I'm at and then do the work, use nootropics and supplements without harming myself. I'll hope you can help me with that, @Leo Gura I'll appreciate if you made your contribution in that or even, maybe, made a list of tests and blood works in your blog post. Thanks
  13. There is a periods in my life, when I can experience Deja Vu about 5-7 times in a week. And I was thinking, what is the metaphysical nature of that feeling of recognition of the present moment? Of course, I'm aware that sometimes violets are just violets
  14. @winterknight Hey there! You've said that working with psychology is 90% of work. Before I had some bias about psychoanalysis, I thought that Gestalt or Transpesonal psychology has more progressive theories and practices, I've went Gestalt psychotherapist for about a year. What do you think about Gestalt school? Is it beneficial or I'll better find for myslef a psychoanalyst? If so, how can I find the right one? I've always thouth that psychoanalysis is very long and has a little potential for the potent growth. Also I had a problems in my relationship - we often fight with my GF and don't hear each other. We thinking about pair psychotherapy, what your thoughts on it? What the most effective way to solve relationship problems? Also she and I had a story of bad relationship.
  15. 3.2 It's seems for me after some contemplation and psychedelics that human being (and everything else) is nothing but something else. Like poetry, which trying to express something, which can't be articulate. What is Human being from absolute perspective? How can it be reconized from everything else if it's interconnected? 7.2 By you I meant @winterknight, not abstract. What if enlightenment being will expirience while on 5-meo-dmt? How will he went through it? 9.2 Who doesn't identifying with the mind? With what you identify with than? Thank you for answering! Also some another questions occur: 11. What you intrested in after you enlightent? Do you facinated by something special? 12. What is the purpose of art? 13. Does Body/Mind still has any addictions after your awakening? 14. What can help me to positivly motivate myself more to become awaken? Is there anything comprehensive for Ego what can help it (me) to buy into this work deeper and bacome even more determined? 15. What motivates you to do all these thread? 16. Why is there bodhisattvas? I still can't quite get it - why to help anybody who suffering, if suffering and Maya is an illusion? 17. Why your body didn't droped dead after awakening? Do you think you can go deeper into Sahaji Samadhi where everything collapsed into Ultimate Void? 18. Why the Nature of Everything is so self-referencing, fractal? Why people into deep mystical states see all those patterns, why spirals are so common? I mean, do you have any idea about the "style" of archaic nature and why it is like that? Sorry for so much questions, it's so curios