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About Vxvxen

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  • Birthday March 10

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  1. #25 ‘He said one day you’ll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember. My father told me when I was just a child These are the nights that never die.’ The Nights - Avicii Life slips away if you’re not paying attention and you feel that the world owes you happiness. Joy comes from within, you already have it in you.
  2. #24 I’ve always had this fear of being rejected. I would cringe at the thought of people who don’t like me as the way I am in my physical appearance. I have always avoided being in such situations by not socialising. By not socialising with people, I won’t get rejected, and I won’t feel bad for myself. Lol, it is that much of a simple logic. Recently I somehow fell into a social experimentation on this particular topic of interest, I’ve always remained anonymous online due to obvious self esteem issues. I would only talk without revealing my appearance online. People really got curious of me of the voice I have. The higher the pitch of voice as a woman, the more attractive you are apparently. Online socialising sites are great ways to meet people and filter people. I were able to get people to feel interested into getting to know me but they will stop after seeing my real appearance. It feels terrible yeah, but I have gotten myself rejected enough to the point now I felt like it is not my fault if they didn’t like me and ignore me afterwards. Some ghosted me, some still say nice things to me, whatever that is. I am still grateful for them. I am not the old me who self sabotage if someone didn’t like me anymore. I am a very interesting person, witty, intelligent, funny, I can talk about anything and be kind to anyone if I want to. I’m definitely not the most beautiful one but I am me. I am enough. I am stunning in my own way. I would feel lucky if I had someone like myself. I don’t need someone else to value me by my appearance alone, that is just too shallow to begin with. So here I am, I felt like venting this out and hope that I’ll never be bothered by this ever again. I love me. Stop feeling bad for myself and start feeling bad for others because they don’t know what they’re missing out on anyways. Of course, I still do have to work on myself for myself. Be healthy, take care of my body, be cheerful and grateful always. Unconditional love for myself, I love me. My cheerfulness was what that attracts others, they didn’t have that in them but I do. I’ll be the source of cheerfulness for people while looking after myself as well. Good and bad things will come to me, I know that for a fact but it would still be a blessing in disguise. I am loved, always. Good people will stay with me because I am me.
  3. #23 The Heroine's Journey/ The Wild Woman Found this woman very deeply inspiring, Miss Jonna Jinton. Her whole YT channel is amazing. Bless this woman and her authenticity. Feminine, wild and carefree. Check out her story:
  4. #22 I felt the anxiety. How deeply I was rejecting my appearance and my body today. I just wanna tell myself: I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY BODY I AM BEAUTIFUL I AM SEXY I AM PERFECT AS I AM I AM GODDESS I AM QUEEN What I can do better is to feed my body healthier foods. I like how Anna was saying that, "The problem isn't what you look like. The problem is that YOU think what you look like matters."
  5. #21 I broke into tears after listening to a 20 min self affirming meditation on appreciating my body more and allowing myself to receive love. I stared into the mirror looking at myself, I see so much suffering that I've self imposed and now learning to love again. This technique is so easy yet powerful that I had overlooked or dismissed it until I've tried it. Some other ways I have to look into for self love rituals.. I felt relieved and grateful for today. Happy Sunday
  6. #20 Woke up this morning to a contraction pain in my uterus, it’s Day 2 on my period. This is a normal thing during Day 2 of my menstruation cycle. Phew, I thank God because it is on schedule according to my period tracking app. My mood is okay, not extremely cheerful but I am calm. Who would feel great while there’s some discomfort in the body? I walk like a zombie and feeling tired over my lower abdomen contraction. This is also where I’ll experience diarrhoea along with the shredding contraction of my uterus walls. I am not on birth control ever before, I don’t need it, I hear that causes so much problem to the body. I am aware of the body sensation - contraction. I would need some iron, calcium and protein - it helps generating more red blood cells from the bone marrow. This is the period of time where my egg, toxins and old tissues are flushed out of the housing. Perfect timing for a spiritual cleanse, a silent meditation. It is rather challenging to meditate on such day as it is irritable to meditate with discomfort in the body. I set the intention of this day to withdraw myself from social media and web browsing today, doing a little contemplating on my life purpose and what I looking to achieve from this point on. I also set the intention to let go of limiting beliefs that I hold on to. I want to let go of the dissatisfaction and emotional baggage that I felt this week. I want to let go of the tension I felt on my shoulders and my upper back muscles, working on my posture of the body. I did some cleaning today over my living space, dust out my furniture for a heathy space to be in. I put on a lipstick to feel good today even if I am not meeting anyone today, looking decent for myself. I manifest love and clarity into my life and feeling grateful at this point of my life path. I deserve to love and to be loved. I deserve joy and accept pain. I deserve some chocolate ice cream right now hehe As they say, if you grow a plant, it would need appropriate amount of nutrient, water, soil, sunlight and love to grow and flourish. Same goes with nurturing myself with good vibes, grounding my energy and connecting to my higher self. I would pull out a book to read after journaling this. LOVE LOVE LOVE, Love yourself more and more so that you are capable to loving others later. Love me in my appearance now as I am unconditionally as this is my temporary housing body I were given to house my soul, so honour and cherish me as I am now. I love my body for what it always does for me, it healed me of my wounds and scars. I accept my appearance, I am beautiful regardless. Doing a self care 5 day retreat every month would be amazing for my spiritual growth. Surface - Sunday (Every day) Best Good, feeling good Hey, feeling good, like I should Went and took a walk around the neighborhood Feeling blessed, never stressed Got that sunshine on my Sunday best Yeah, hey hey Every day can be a better day, despite the challenge All you gotta do is leave it better than you found it It's gonna get difficult to stand, but hold your balance I just say whatever 'cause there is no way around it 'cause Everyone falls down sometimes But you just gotta know it'll all be fine It's ok, uh-huh It's ok, it's ok Hey, feeling good, like I should Went and took a walk around the neighborhood Feeling blessed, never stressed Got that sunshine on my Sunday best Hey, some days you wake up and nothing works, you feel surrounded Gotta give your feet some gravity to get you grounded Keep good things inside your ears just like the waves and sound did And just say whatever 'cause there is no way around it Everyone falls down sometimes But you just gotta know it'll all be fine It's ok, uh-huh It's ok, it's ok Hey, feeling good, like I should Went and took a walk around the neighborhood Feeling blessed, never stressed Got that sunshine on my Sunday best Hey, feeling good, like I should Went and took a walk around the neighborhood Feeling blessed, never stressed Got that sunshine on my Sunday best Note: Comment if you have any ritual/routine during your menstruation cycle ladies I would love to know yours.
  7. #19 I suck so much at writing and sorting my thoughts as I am more of a feeler than a thinker. However, I have to admit I'm at least good at photography I feel like sharing my passion here, it is something I'm proud of and at awe with the beauty of this universe I'm still working on my photo editing skills. I love random walks around town, it's like a date with myself/God.
  8. I just finished reading this book written by Catherine Chea. That definitely sounds like me https://www.amazon.com/INFP-Book-Perks-Challenges-Self-Discovery-ebook/dp/B01N2AD5GR
  9. #18 Flipped through all my photos I managed to save when I was around 21 years old. My first reaction were, wow, is that really me? Girl, what happened to you? You're so beautiful. Looking at the university friends I have, the boys I dated, the things that I were happy and unhappy about. So much nostalgia, so much tears of memories. Simple things made me happy. I'm somehow a little lost right now, with the direction of my life I want to go and what I really wanted to do for the rest of my life. I can do so much and hehe suddenly just feel so much from myself at 21. Beautiful, such a beautiful glowy skin, such confident look in the eyes as if I've figured out life. I have forgotten how it was to be me. One question I asked myself, Would you love you if you met you? - Yes! I love me. Wouldn't trade myself for anything else in this world, you silly girl! Do try take more photo of myself in future, I definitely need to look at myself now when I'll be 30. No time left to waste, embrace happiness and joy, you already have it within you. You don't have to look elsewhere.
  10. #17 "You never know who looks for and needs your light. Be your beautiful light, even at your lowest you shine bright." - Adrian Michael Green "Build someone up. Put their insecurities to sleep. Remind them they're worthy. Tell them they're incredible. Be a light in a too often dim world." - Mark Groves "Love and Light, always." - Me These are my favorite quotes this week. I can go on and on complaining about all the petty little things that didn't go according to my plan, I want to stop for a second and just let things be. One of the true strength is to be vulnerable, to fight hate with love, that's the only solution to make things better, True happiness is there when you start to love fully, you'll feel joy regardless of the outcome.
  11. #16 It's been awhile since I have written my journal here. It's about time to update things here. I've learnt so much over this time of the period. It's a blessing to hit walls on my early years and getting the opportunity to do self inquiry. Finally, I see myself shaping into the person that I want to be, the feeling that I were guided to the light after all. The true vulnerable moments in life are really precious. The sensation of lost is so great and so painful that even if you have all the material wealth in life won't help you one bit at all. That's where you grow as a person, if you choose to surrender and act out of unconditional love, doing what feels right. Seems like all the suffering and life lessons have all knelt down to one thing, SELF LOVE. If you are abused in some way, stand up for yourself, put yourself first before others. You must've missed certain points of way on how you can love yourself better, so therefore you are still stuck there and suffering. You need to feel your divine masculinity to decide that I am done with this abuse, I am not letting myself going through the abuse from now on. If you are abusing someone else, you gotta learn how to put others before you. The key depends on if you are willing to surrender to yourself? Look into why you have the hate in the first place and why you are hurting someone else? Also, there's many other things that you may overlook, just even the simple daily routine. Are you enjoying it? Or are you looking for the next big thing that can make you feel better about yourself? What is it about yourself that is not enough to allow yourself to feel the joy now? I'll experience no sufferings no more then I'll realize that my course in life have been accomplished and I can graduate now - I were able to love myself and others unconditionally. The road to this discovery were really so rewarding that I can understand why I wanted to be human again. If you do it right it is very fulfilling, rewarding, if you don't see it, it can be a terrible nightmare to be so dysfunctional. Nevertheless I'm very grateful that I've come to this point, knowing I do still have a long way to go. I am working on myself I can feel my energy getting stronger, positive, more loving to myself, more conscious than I were before, more grounded, and grateful. What was more important were the willingness to admit that you don't know and you seek guidance from your higher self
  12. @JessiChell Thank you for dropping a comment, I'll rewatch it and rewire myself again. @Onemanwolfpac Oh thank God there's no kiddos! I'm relieved and hurt at the same time. It's not my first heart break, but heartaches makes you feel alive. Almost felt like I was broke open. Yes, my first response were to cut all contact. It's easy like that. What about closure for healing purposes? Every event in life, especially bad experiences that we go through is to refine ourselves and our karma. Should I seek in my heart to forgive him? Will that make things better for me? I do not like confronting, I'm not good at pointing out people's bad behavior while I can blow up like an erupting volcano. I always prefer to leave silently, it can be due to my self esteem issues to stand up for myself. It does so much harm to my inner child. I don't know how to confront the kid in me. I don't want to add burden to my old relationship traumas, it's already a lot to deal with. Well said. I'm probably not looking at the right place for a non-playboy. It's a free choice for everyone. There's need to be an agreed upon decision for both sides in the starting of a relationship that this would be a monogamous relationship with our own term and condition. I'm not trembling for now. I'm still smiling outside but inside is a big tornado mess, my identity is in crisis. Why did I let him in at the first place? Why the sweet talk gets to me? Sigh.
  13. I just found out my bf were seeing other woman (women) at the same time. I felt so angry right now. My whole body is trembling in anger. I haven't confronted him yet, I'm not ready for that. Any healthy advice on how to overcome past hurt and move on? This is making my inner child felt so unloved but I am so angry that I can't even hear my cries inside.
  14. @Preety_India What I found about this was that I couldn't blame my parents for the love they didn't give me, although yes it hurts. They might not even have enough love from their parents as well, so they never did learn how to give the best love towards their child. The healing part of it was to manifest the love that was lacking from them and give them exactly what you needed. I hope this would help you figure out your self esteem self worth issues. The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Absent-Mother-Self-Healing-Getting/dp/1615190287 The Unavailable Father: Seven Ways Women Can Understand, Heal, and Cope with a Broken Father-Daughter Relationship https://www.amazon.com/Unavailable-Father-Understand-Father-Daughter-Relationship/dp/0470614145 Much love
  15. @Flowerfaeiry You don't feel strong enough because you've passed your ball to someone else waiting for them to kick it back.