I finally 'died' and then I gave birth to a new world

[Emerald]

Hello everyone,

A few days ago, I finally decided to do an Ayahuasca Ceremony (after years of hemming and hawing about it), and God and Goddess worked together to help me die and come back. So, I wanted to share it.

So, I ingested the Ayahuasca brew and laid down on my mat and waited for it to hit me. 

And then, once it hit, I immediately started to die.

And I knew I needed just to let go and surrender. There was no fighting it. And there was great terror and panic, and I surrendered to that too. And all of the details of my human life were freely given and sacrificed. I barely knew my name. And I didn't know if I was really dead in the human sense, and I surrendered even to not knowing that and gave away my life. And there was nothing.

And then, realities started forming and then collapsing and forming and then collapsing. It was like a fractal kept creating and falling apart... but this was not a visual phenomenon. There was nothing... but it was infinite. And I was it and me and everything at the same time.

And even my body fell apart. And the creator and destroyer of those realities was in a constant process of loving at deeper and deeper levels and knowing at deeper and deeper levels. And it was both beautiful and horrible to behold. The love of God is so profound that it's terrifying. It creates to know and love at deeper and infinite levels, and new realities spring forth from that love. And there is grief because God wants to get rid of suffering because it loves. But it loves also suffering. And it hates and rails against what causes suffering, but then it loves even its hate... laying bear even deeper levels of infinite love.

And this is the great burden of God. There is no rest from the infinite perspective. And so it loves the finite perspective as its place of respite to appreciate that which is small and simple.

And I realized that through all times, this had always been. I had taken the medicine... but reality was the actual medicine. And no matter what reality was there, it was always impermanent. And there was a relentlessness to existence and non-existence that was too much for God to bear but then God took that vulnerability and loved it even deeper and knew itself deeper. 

And I continued to surrender to the experience and entrain with my infinite aspect, even as it was a great horror with no respite. And I even surrendered to the horror. And then I surrendered (as the vulnerable part of God) to the point where I knew it was time to ask for help. I needed respite. The relentlessness of infinity was too much. It was an infinite amount more terrifying than death. And I began to miss the struggles of human life.

And so I said it was too much to bear and that I needed mercy. And it felt like there would be no mercy forever in any direction. And then, I started to remember bits and pieces of my life as Emerald. And I saw that Emerald is the place of respite.

And I realized that I could enter into a temporary illusion of permanence where things were only mildly in flux, and there was meaning and story to engage in. And the simplicity of it is beautiful.

That's what made me realize what death actually is.

Death is not like the human death. The human death is certainly a death. But it isn't very indicative of what death means.

Death means to be situated in the finite illusion and leave that behind and re-entrain with the infinite absolute... which will then create even more finite illusions. So, there is always an dance between finite and infinite as well as a dance between life and death that is constantly happening.

So, death is to be the finite that collapses back into the infinite. The Divine Masculine is great and terrifying in its relentless love.

 

And as I asked for respite, the voice of the Divine Feminine spoke to me and through me. And it said, 'It's okay. You will survive this. You will not die.' It told me that it gave me this experience because I needed it for my life's purpose and that I was meant to live on past this experience. And that my life's purpose is surrender and being the place for people to surrender to their humanity. And it told me to work to shift my focus back into my finite reality and focus on Emerald and all of the details of that life. This was difficult to remember.

So, I looked at my nails and I spoke "Stay here". And that's when the experience became a tug of war between the infinite and the finite. And it was like sex, death, and labor all in one. And I screamed from my guts as I wrestled my consciousness back into the physical. It was like I was doing the dance of Shiva and Shakti. And it was erotic and terrifying.

And I kept forgetting to focus into the finite. And then, the Divine Feminine would remind me to focus here by speaking through me. And I would look back down at my nails.

After a long time of this struggle and labor pains, one of the female facilitators at the retreat came over and held my hand. And she spoke to me the words of the Divine Feminine and became my mid-wife. And she was helping me birth a new world into existence even as I was realizing she both knew and didn't know that that's what she was doing. And she told me that I was out of it, to which she was referring to the trip's most difficult part. But the Divine Feminine was telling me that my 11 years of struggle are over. I did it. I came through the other side. I gave birth.

And I became aware of what God loved most about me... my vulnerability and ability to surrender. And this tendency shared by everyone, but especially women, is the respite of God. And it loved me for all my flaws and showed me how to love my flaws. There was nothing that needed to be fixed. 

And it showed me how precious all human beings are, despite their flaws. And I could love anyone. I saw the pain in humanity as sad and worthy of love and tenderness. It was all so precious. Even those who upset me the most were perfect as they are. I was sorrowful that people suffered so much. And in myself, my individual flaws were not there to be fixed or eradicated... but embraced and loved as precious babies. 

So, like the Divine Masculine's infinite love laying bare, I was able to embody an imperfect version of that where I was able to give love even to the parts of myself that couldn't give love.

And I realized that the purpose of my life is to be utterly human. Enlightenment is too much of a burden for me to bear. That's why God showed me what it showed me. It offered me enlightenment freely and I gave it back. Everything is already perfect as it is. Enlightenment means nothing important. It's all already okay.

And that's the main teaching I came away with... to embrace my finite existence as me and to treat that experience with the reverence it deserves. To be here and to love and be loved. And especially to surrender deeper and deeper to this reality. And also to appreciate the more child-like aspects of myself that do unconscious things to be loved. And to enjoy the illusion because God created it for me. It's a gift.

Now, the rest of my experience was more about humanity as a collective and how the Divine Masculine and Feminine orient to one another and the nature of the new world that I birthed into existence as being one where both are in their rightful places. 

And it also went to my individual humanity, and I was able to grieve a big grief that hit me recently as well as some others. And I was able to be honest with myself and feel the infinite power that my individual human expressions and emotions grew from.

Then, the next day, the medicine was still affecting me, and I was ungrounded and had to find ways to process the trauma of my body to bring all the energy from my head back into my body. 

But I won't go too much into the collective and individual aspects of my experience. But the main takeaway here is to simply love your humanity in all its flaws. There is nothing there to fix. There is only to surrender.

 

 

 

 

[Loving Radiance]

Thank you for sharing.

13 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And it showed me how precious all human beings are, despite their flaws. And I could love anyone. I saw the pain in humanity as sad and worthy of love and tenderness. It was all so precious. Even those who upset me the most were perfect as they are. I was sorrowful that people suffered so much. And in myself, my individual flaws were not there to be fixed or eradicated... but embraced and loved as precious babies.

Tears of joy and love.

[Natasha]

@Emerald Awesome! Thank you for sharing 

[VeganAwake]

Before Enlightenment one must roll the boulder up the mountain, after Enlightenment one must still roll the boulder up the mountain.... what has changed?

The resistance to what is...

Sounds like you got the message loud and clear thanks for sharing that was a very interesting story ❤

[cetus]

As the sage opens their eyes a world comes into existence.

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

And it showed me how precious all human beings are, despite their flaws. And I could love anyone. I saw the pain in humanity as sad and worthy of love and tenderness. It was all so precious. Even those who upset me the most were perfect as they are. I was sorrowful that people suffered so much. 

This section here made me shed some tears.

Yes, I got a glimpse of this suffering Earth with LSD too... but not so intense like yours. It's like this collective emotion is all around us but we can't hear it in a low state of consciousness... 

Makes you wonder.

 

I'm happy for your renewal experience  

But I believe you should shoot for enlightenment, since you've come so far!

[Galyna]

@Emerald So happy for you. It is very appealing to read it from the feminine perspective, very sexy and erotic at the same time, even though I do not refer here to any kind of vulgar things.

Edited March 23, 2020 by Galyna

[Consilience]

For whatever reason reading this report moved me to tears. This is beautiful, thank you for sharing. Thank you for the work that you provide for humanity and your life purpose. 

[Leo Gura]

@Emerald Very good! Finally!

Now wait till you try 5-MeO-DMT.

All that was child's play

The true Awakening is yet ahead after you integrate and move past all the above.

Take time to integrate all that, but don't stop there.

Killer first trip. A lot for one trip. Too much really. Gotta baby step it not to freak yourself out. You rejected the enlightenment simply because you were too overwhelmed by it without enough gradual tripping and integration work. You needed a return to the safety of your old life. You'll come around. It takes a lot trips to iron out all the resistances, shadow material, and kinks before you can access full God-consciousness. It cannot be done in one or even 10 trips.

[traveler]

Absolutely beautiful. Really resonated with your experience, it reminds me of when god showed himself to me.

The infinite tug of war between resistance and surrender but residing in absolute love untouched by it but still fully experiencing the horror and beauty of it.

The "fall from grace" only to realise that the finite is a gift. 

The absolute/finite speaking at the same time. 

Edited March 23, 2020 by traveler

[Mada_]

Thank you so much for this post, I really resonated with how you mentioned loving the "childlike" parts of yourself that do unconscious things. 

Do you think delaying experience in your life was a good idea?

I am 19 and am planning to do more serious psychedelics around 23 years of age, when I am more mature and on purpose. 

Edited March 23, 2020 by Mada_
Forgot to thank the person.

[SamueLSD]

1 minute ago, Mada_ said:

Do you think delaying experience in your life was a good idea?

I am 19 and am planning to do more serious psychedelics around 23 years of age, when I am more mature and on purpose. 

Neuroplasticity, comrade. Your mind is so malleable when you are young! ( Which also means more damage can be done )

If you wanna be safe then wait.

[Nahm]

@Emerald Delightful read, thanks for sharing! 

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, SamueLSD said:

Neuroplasticity, comrade. Your mind is so malleable when you are young! ( Which also means more damage can be done )

If you wanna be safe then wait.

Why would a psychedelic do damage? What does "damage" even mean here?

DMT is not gonna "damage" you at moderate doses.

It will fuck with your mind, but that's not damage.

[DrewNows]

@Emerald Wow! ? ? 

[SamueLSD]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It will fuck with your mind, but that's not damage.

Well, is it not? I am not speaking of physical damage. It's not going to give you actual brain damage, lol.

Psychedelics can fuck with your mind to the point of psychotic break if you are not ready. 

But the real damage is when a horrible trip causes someone to fear ever taking psychedelics again, leading to a denial of the true power of psychedelics, and the refusal to believe that there is other than a material reality, which is especially common for young people, as I said.

Damage to development, so to speak.

This may not happen to you, or me, but to deny it can happen to others is ignorance. 

 

Edited March 23, 2020 by SamueLSD

[SamueLSD]

@Leo Gura  Malleable; can be altered to increase or hinder development.

[Visionary]

3 hours ago, Emerald said:

Hello everyone,

A few days ago, I finally decided to do an Ayahuasca Ceremony (after years of hemming and hawing about it), and God and Goddess worked together to help me die and come back. So, I wanted to share it.

So, I ingested the Ayahuasca brew and laid down on my mat and waited for it to hit me. 

And then, once it hit, I immediately started to die.

And I knew I needed just to let go and surrender. There was no fighting it. And there was great terror and panic, and I surrendered to that too. And all of the details of my human life were freely given and sacrificed. I barely knew my name. And I didn't know if I was really dead in the human sense, and I surrendered even to not knowing that and gave away my life. And there was nothing.

And then, realities started forming and then collapsing and forming and then collapsing. It was like a fractal kept creating and falling apart... but this was not a visual phenomenon. There was nothing... but it was infinite. And I was it and me and everything at the same time.

And even my body fell apart. And the creator and destroyer of those realities was in a constant process of loving at deeper and deeper levels and knowing at deeper and deeper levels. And it was both beautiful and horrible to behold. The love of God is so profound that it's terrifying. It creates to know and love at deeper and infinite levels, and new realities spring forth from that love. And there is grief because God wants to get rid of suffering because it loves. But it loves also suffering. And it hates and rails against what causes suffering, but then it loves even its hate... laying bear even deeper levels of infinite love.

And this is the great burden of God. There is no rest from the infinite perspective. And so it loves the finite perspective as its place of respite to appreciate that which is small and simple.

And I realized that through all times, this had always been. I had taken the medicine... but reality was the actual medicine. And no matter what reality was there, it was always impermanent. And there was a relentlessness to existence and non-existence that was too much for God to bear but then God took that vulnerability and loved it even deeper and knew itself deeper. 

And I continued to surrender to the experience and entrain with my infinite aspect, even as it was a great horror with no respite. And I even surrendered to the horror. And then I surrendered (as the vulnerable part of God) to the point where I knew it was time to ask for help. I needed respite. The relentlessness of infinity was too much. It was an infinite amount more terrifying than death. And I began to miss the struggles of human life.

And so I said it was too much to bear and that I needed mercy. And it felt like there would be no mercy forever in any direction. And then, I started to remember bits and pieces of my life as Emerald. And I saw that Emerald is the place of respite.

And I realized that I could enter into a temporary illusion of permanence where things were only mildly in flux, and there was meaning and story to engage in. And the simplicity of it is beautiful.

That's what made me realize what death actually is.

Death is not like the human death. The human death is certainly a death. But it isn't very indicative of what death means.

Death means to be situated in the finite illusion and leave that behind and re-entrain with the infinite absolute... which will then create even more finite illusions. So, there is always an dance between finite and infinite as well as a dance between life and death that is constantly happening.

So, death is to be the finite that collapses back into the infinite. The Divine Masculine is great and terrifying in its relentless love.

 

And as I asked for respite, the voice of the Divine Feminine spoke to me and through me. And it said, 'It's okay. You will survive this. You will not die.' It told me that it gave me this experience because I needed it for my life's purpose and that I was meant to live on past this experience. And that my life's purpose is surrender and being the place for people to surrender to their humanity. And it told me to work to shift my focus back into my finite reality and focus on Emerald and all of the details of that life. This was difficult to remember.

So, I looked at my nails and I spoke "Stay here". And that's when the experience became a tug of war between the infinite and the finite. And it was like sex, death, and labor all in one. And I screamed from my guts as I wrestled my consciousness back into the physical. It was like I was doing the dance of Shiva and Shakti. And it was erotic and terrifying.

And I kept forgetting to focus into the finite. And then, the Divine Feminine would remind me to focus here by speaking through me. And I would look back down at my nails.

After a long time of this struggle and labor pains, one of the female facilitators at the retreat came over and held my hand. And she spoke to me the words of the Divine Feminine and became my mid-wife. And she was helping me birth a new world into existence even as I was realizing she both knew and didn't know that that's what she was doing. And she told me that I was out of it, to which she was referring to the trip's most difficult part. But the Divine Feminine was telling me that my 11 years of struggle are over. I did it. I came through the other side. I gave birth.

And I became aware of what God loved most about me... my vulnerability and ability to surrender. And this tendency shared by everyone, but especially women, is the respite of God. And it loved me for all my flaws and showed me how to love my flaws. There was nothing that needed to be fixed. 

And it showed me how precious all human beings are, despite their flaws. And I could love anyone. I saw the pain in humanity as sad and worthy of love and tenderness. It was all so precious. Even those who upset me the most were perfect as they are. I was sorrowful that people suffered so much. And in myself, my individual flaws were not there to be fixed or eradicated... but embraced and loved as precious babies. 

So, like the Divine Masculine's infinite love laying bare, I was able to embody an imperfect version of that where I was able to give love even to the parts of myself that couldn't give love.

And I realized that the purpose of my life is to be utterly human. Enlightenment is too much of a burden for me to bear. That's why God showed me what it showed me. It offered me enlightenment freely and I gave it back. Everything is already perfect as it is. Enlightenment means nothing important. It's all already okay.

And that's the main teaching I came away with... to embrace my finite existence as me and to treat that experience with the reverence it deserves. To be here and to love and be loved. And especially to surrender deeper and deeper to this reality. And also to appreciate the more child-like aspects of myself that do unconscious things to be loved. And to enjoy the illusion because God created it for me. It's a gift.

Now, the rest of my experience was more about humanity as a collective and how the Divine Masculine and Feminine orient to one another and the nature of the new world that I birthed into existence as being one where both are in their rightful places. 

And it also went to my individual humanity, and I was able to grieve a big grief that hit me recently as well as some others. And I was able to be honest with myself and feel the infinite power that my individual human expressions and emotions grew from.

Then, the next day, the medicine was still affecting me, and I was ungrounded and had to find ways to process the trauma of my body to bring all the energy from my head back into my body. 

But I won't go too much into the collective and individual aspects of my experience. But the main takeaway here is to simply love your humanity in all its flaws. There is nothing there to fix. There is only to surrender.

 

 

 

 

❤❤❤

 

2 hours ago, cetus56 said:

As the sage opens their eyes a world comes into existence.

???

[TRUTHWITHCAPITALT]

@SamueLSD It is good you are waiting till you get more mature. However,  by your definition your are still damaging your brain as we speak because your body is producing DMT anyways unbeknownst to you. The same way the US gov't thinks everyone is illegal. Twisted logic huh

[Leo Gura]

49 minutes ago, SamueLSD said:

Psychedelics can fuck with your mind to the point of psychotic break if you are not ready. 

It's possible in theory, if the dose is overly high.

But a 1g dose of mushrooms or 125ug of LSD is not going to give anyone a psychotic break unless maybe they were already psychotic to begin with.

You have understand that the few people who have psychotic breaks and so forth are already damaged to begin with. The psychedelic isn't what causes it. A lot of damaged people do psychedelics because there's such a huge stigma around it that "normies" are too chicken to try it. A normal person is not going to ever have a psychotic break from 1 or 2 grams of mushrooms. You have higher odds of having a serious reaction to Aspirin or penicillin.

The doctor gave me penicillin last year and I had a horrible allergic reaction to it. Yet penicillin is prescribed every day without anyone even thinking twice about it.

Quote

But the real damage is when a horrible trip causes someone to fear ever taking psychedelics again, leading to a denial of the true power of psychedelics, and the refusal to believe that there is other than a material reality, which is especially common for young people, as I said.

I agree with that. That is a great shame.

But that's easily avoided with low doses.