Mada_

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About Mada_

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    Victoria, Australia
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  1. @Leo Gura Thank you for this. - Invaluable information.
  2. Hello all, I think I want to get my well being to a better state so that I can do enlightenment work without fucking up my focusing muscles; I attempted to brute force a one-pointed focus practice and assumed that the tension held within my head was good, but then the tension became this almost habitual thought pattern where I associated focus with tension. Haha, I don't think getting a migraine meditating is a good sign; especially considering what Leo said about the spiritual process being organic, and various sources talking about the importance of leaving the head and getting into the heart. So it feels like I've got to do some work to let that tension go before I move on with enlightenment work; some softer meditation practices, overcoming some chronic fatigue; I've ordered a couple books based on changing up my diet, doing the work of Byron Katie, going to back to contemplating with a journal to nurture my wonder. But I am doubting this strategy because although it sounds fine, I did get to a stage in my self-inquiry where I was able to observe the observer which was quite profound. But I just feel like I've been doing this work so neurotically and stupidly without looking to the necessary sources for guidance, I'm trying to 'get there', 'eradicate myself', on my own. I have wonder, it is there, it is so beautiful, like when I get to this place whilst I'm contemplating and just look around and say "oh fuck this is beautiful and genius", but my wonder hides behind my neurotic-ism. ---- My question is to people further into the path than me: If I am doing it neurotically, I'm hurting my head focusing, I don't have a good handle on my psychology and my habits. Then should I work on developing the necessary skills such as mindfulness, expanding awareness, focus and wonder whilst getting back into consistent habits to do with balancing my life and creating well-being. Or could I this just be my delicate ego being precious and trying to distract me from just throwing these habits altogether, is it just a fantasy that I can make my life a free-flowing, artful exploration of well-being and transcendence. I'm so reluctant to give up my self-inquiry habit because there was the observer, and I am fucking desperate to get away from me, I don't want me, but when I say it like this is makes my head hurt and my heart feels like it blocks up.
  3. I got initiated into Shambhavi Mahamudra yesterday, there have been some changes since then in my Kundalini symptoms. I sitting today with my eyes between my brows, when I started to feel this slight burning sensation in the perineum (space between anus and genitals). I realised the burning would increase with resistance to I just tried to let go and not worry about it, when there was worry it got worse. The slight burning trailed the perineum and up what felt like down a vein between the skin of my two genitals. Has anyone had any similar experiences? do these kinds of things just sort themselves out?
  4. Obviously within an appropriate, flirtatious context where you feel the vibe would be right to execute spontaneously; based on people's experiences and women reading, is there a preference?
  5. Thankyou everyone, this has been very helpful
  6. It feels as though the heart and my wonder is leading the self-inquiry sessions now and not my focusing head, the energy is shifting to a feeling, but it makes it incredibly focus. It feels like I've got to let the heart organically take over, but it feels blocked at the moment. Does this pass with surrender or is there a technique, therapy, psychedelic I could use to tend to this. Any pointers based on what I have said above would be much appreciated. Peace
  7. Is this a thing? Does anyone have experience, information etc. they could share? Peace
  8. What is a good indicator for being eligible for this work? It feels like a question I shouldn't be asking but it is on my mind a lot. I've had a few mystical experiences, on psychedelics and off, so that feels like a good sign. But then I'm also extremely ADD and am constantly failing self-inquiry sits. Is there an indicator that I'm not cut out for this work? And if so, there doesn't seem to be anything else doing in life, the rest is ephemeral pleasures and suffering. I think I get super paranoid about it because Leo stating in his recent retreat notes "there is no cure for lack of existential wonder", but I think I would really like to know what this is, but how do I know I'm not just pretending or bullshitting myself? Are these just the chances we take?
  9. I'm 18 at the moment and have had two lsd experiences. My last one was very very healing, i took 200uq and had some great insight. On the comedown though it was quite just quite intense, and i would sometimes mistake thoughts for hearing it as a voice. So I'm thinking now I'll just wait until my 20's to take it up a level, develop myself through reading, contemplation, the work and general self-help stuff so i can be absolutely sure those experiences count. Do you experienced psychonauts on here think this is a good idea? Or am i being to cautious and in doing so stalling some potential major breakthroughs?
  10. @Rigel @sgn @d0ornokey @How to be wise Thankyou very much for your replies, your words have been very helpful. ❤❤
  11. So last night it was my friend's 18th, i rocked up around 7pm and was enjoying myself. I said hi to some people and was sitting around, tending to a fire pit, and it just dawned on me that everyone who was drinking and smoking was destroying their potential. Like it just made me so upset that they were doing so, it triggered me almost to the point of crying. My friends were planning to go to a nightclub afterwards, but i was going to head home and do some yoga and self-inquiry. And understandably they wanted to know why i wasn't coming out, they offered me money and all of their condolences to try to convince me, but for some reason the prospect barely dawned on me, like i didn't even question myself, my mind was totally blank and i just watched them speak, whilst my body held tention. Then i said "what exactly do you all want out of life", one girl said "death", my brother said "fulfillment", my friend said fulfillment also and i think my other friend said "happiness". So i said "well i want depth out of mine, and going out to town seems to me that it would totally detriment what i want out of my whole life, so that's why I'm not going". Which was met with a back and forth of "what, I don't see that, you can leave straight away if you don't like it, it's just like this party but more lights lol" which i guess they had a point about, but like it does go against my values of consciousness and prosperity, but then only symbolically in a sense, as they are right in the fact that I get to choose how i interact in that environment. Walking home i was just holding so much tension and I didn't know why, it's like i was so closed minded to what they were saying that my heart literally closed over. But it dawned on me that these conditions to conduct enlightenment work are all assumptions, and counter-intuitively going to a night club possibly would remove the stick from my ass. And it was my friends birthday, and i told her before that i would only go out for her birthday, but i went back on it by saying it went against my values. In conclusion, I'm fearful of my culture, but I'm also fearful of how I often selfishly interact with my culture, and i don't know how or if i can get over myself - haha but a chance I'm more than willing to take.
  12. I'm Leo's recent retreat notes from his 30 day retreat, he said that there is no cure for existential wonder. It doesn't make sense to me how you could know that. So Leo, presumably someone with lots of existential wonder, can conclude that someone with a different experience than his own mind cannot change it. But i have felt like i had not a lot of existential wonder at one point, but then as life becomes more beautiful and i notice the patterns woven into my skin i feel like my wonder gets deeper. I must say before I started consciousness work I found a passion for philosophy and personal development, but my question is how can you just make that conclusion that there is no cure, when in my experience it seems to develop itself deeper.
  13. I had this weird spontaneous urge to become a sustainable architect the other night. I'd had the idea circling in my head after attending a biophillic design seminar but it doesn't on the surface wholely interest me. I then drew a small building on paper to see what it felt like and it was just beautiful for some reason, i felt extra loving whilst doing so. Could this be a distraction/delusion? It does seem cool the idea of being a yogi architect, that's what I was invisioning.
  14. Hahahaha. Thankyou for this question. Rather than "I'm an incompetent escapist who doesn't study", i can just implement these habits because i see their value
  15. Are you in a long term relationship Leo?