traveler

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  1. That is good to know, thanks! Where you in a non-dualistic state of mind in the period you underwent surgery, and do you think this can have an effect? This might be a dumb question, but I'm interested.
  2. yeah you are right with observing the ego. I have to get better at that. Thank you. My appetite was lost because of the feeling of the void I think. The sudden change from everything feeling familiar to really unfamiliar. I feel like I have to participate in non mindfull things in order to gain appetite, so today I've tried to do a lot of things that is "bad" (bad food, nikotin, etc.) for me, to gain my appetite and the feeling of familiarity back. But as I do this, I feel deep inside that it's not the right thing to do. I like the familiarity, but my old self belongs there, and I can feel it in the silence between youtube video or other things I occupy my mind with, that I'm not content when I'm trying to forget about my true nature. I'm not able to go back to the old me as I was, as I know deep down it would cause more suffering than good.
  3. I'm having a huge surgery in the future. Double jaw surgery. I'm gonna be under general anesthesia, and I'm interested if some of you have been through this as awakened beings. First of all I would like to know if it went smoothly, without problems. I interested this because I've been worried about anesthesia awareness, and if there is a higher risk if you are on a higher consciousness than most people? Also I'm interested in knowing what effect the anesthesia has had on your consciousness. It's a little unsettling that anesthesiologists doesn't really know how it works. This is because it works on the level of the understanding of consciousness. But doesn't this imply that your level of consciousness has a say in how much and how well it will work? And how is it that a drug is able to send you into total nothingness for hours and then turn you back after? I actually think this is a very interesting topic.
  4. Thank you for replying! Yes the ego sure has a lot of ways to scare you away from this path. It's lovely to have a community where you can learn from other peoples insight. I already feel better knowing someone else has been through this. Another thing that I don't know if my ego does or if it's just the shift in consciousness, is that it seems like I'm not able to get totally involved in a movie anymore. The loss of identity seems to make it harder for me to relate to what is happening on the screen. This is not a gigantic loss, but it was still a thing I really enjoyed before, getting lost in another world on the screen. What are your thoughts on this? Is it possible that it is my ego who is tricking me into thinking that I won't ever be able to enjoy a good movie again, unless I lower my consciousness? Also, last question, did you also have a huge loss of appetite when you went through this? When I'm in a higher state of consciousness, it seems that I'm never hungry.
  5. Thank you so much for the reply. This was a really refreshing perspective. I will use your comment when I get into these thought loops. I've been participating in unhealthy activities today because I missed the feeling of being me, but this made me want to keep going.
  6. So this is the area of thought where my ego keeps its hold of me. I've woken up to the truth about a week ago, and went straight into a spiritual void (Dark night of the soul, kind of thing). I'm 19 years old and my parents are on vacation. Therefore I've been home alone with my sister this whole week. After I woke up (because of a LSD flashback when I smoked weed), my ego totally shattered. I could see everything, and it didn't go away the following days. I realized that I was a lot more compassionate towards my sister and my friends. It was like every thought that held a barrier between us before was removed, and I could feel a sense of connection I didn't have before. But most of the time it was dark. I felt really alone, knowing that I was a part of everything, but seeing that everyone was trapped in their mind, that constantly plays with their energy/emotions. My sister began to notice my changes more and more as the days went by. I tried to tell her that I wasn't the same anymore, that my ego had shattered into pieces and that I saw things other people didn't see. But she didn't get it. Of course she didn't, why would she. I also tried to tell my friends this, but it seems that everyone has a reaction of fear when I talk about these things, as if I'm threatening their ego. Okay, so back to my question. I feel that I'm stuck. I am a really empathic guy, I feel everything. Because of that I know, from my experiences with my family, especially my mom, that a really big part of their identity relies on me as a son and a brother. Playing the role that I have always played. The big change in me made my sister cry because she was worried. She said it's like I'm not even me. My biggest worry is my parents though, especially my mom. I know that they both feel incomplete. My mom relies on vacations, weekends and her children (me and my sister) for happiness. My dad is lost in the constant search of hidden agendas as in conspiracy theories and is agitated about his life situation. I don't know how they are gonna be happy without me and my sister living at home. It's hard for me to see this deep incompleteness in everyone around me. Okay, so finally my question: How do you deal with family and friends (especially family) feeling like they are loosing you after enlightenment? This is the hardest question for me. Some people would probably say "you are not responsible for other people," or "you are a part of the divine, therefore everything and everyone is your family," but this is the biggest and hardest illusion for the ego to let go, isn't it? The illusion that you have a group of people that you identify yourself with, as a part of your blood. If I let them go what do I do then? You still have to participate in the illusion to live in this world, but how do you do that when every problem or entertainment is for the lower consciousness? And how do you give up the illusion as a son, brother and friend? I know this is a very long and unstructured post with a lot of questions. I hope some of you have some useful perceptions of this. Thank you!
  7. What do you mean with consequences?
  8. Did you do that? The reason I'm holding on is because I know that I was a wreck before this happened too. I had been seeking an answer to life for so long, that was my only real goal before, but now that I have it it's not exactly what I was expecting. Did you just go fully back to your ego, or did you try to be content in the middle?
  9. have you gone through this?
  10. But how does one walk down that road in the middle of the drama of everyday life? How long did it take for your to get through this stage? How did it influence the people around you while you where in this stage? How are you living a normal life, with problems you know is just illusionary. How do you look at your family knowing that they really don't exist, that you are nothing different from them, while they look back at you having no clue what is going on with you? It's all really emotionally draining. I feel a big lump in my belly when I think these things, and that is the reason I can't eat anything.
  11. The reason I say this is because of the "Dark night of the soul" thing. People talk about going through this stage for years. I can't do that. I've read about enlightenment a lot and almost everyone goes through years of hell to finally reach it and then a couple of years later go back to hell. I've already seen too much to go back, so what am I gonna do? live through this dark period until I give up on everything in my ego, including my loved ones?
  12. I've been really detached from everything. My family is on vacation, so it's just me and my sister home. We where supposed to eat together, but I haven't had any appetite. We where supposed to watch movies together, but movies are hard to watch in this state. I'm overall just not there, and she can feel it. I had to tell her what was going on and that I had changed from one day to the next, because I had seen something, but she has no idea what I'm talking about. She thinks I'm going insane, and she's angry that I'm not like everybody else.
  13. My sister broke down and started crying because she doesn't understand the sudden change. I don't blame her. Is it really for the best to hurt everyone you care about, to attain enlightenment? Would it be wrong to go back to normal consciousness and wait for a better time in your life to pursue enlightenment? I feel like I've already learned a lot from my experience this far. That I should treat everybody, as I want to be treated myself, because everybody essentially is myself. I have had no appetite these 3 days of high consciousness, I only eat because I know that I'm supposed to eat. The truth takes over everything and I forget how to be a normal human being. I know it's my ego making all of these excuses to why I shouldn't keep pursuing, but I feel like I'm gonna remain in the middle of ego and spirit until I get away from the busy life of modern society. So why not try to emerge yourself into the illusion everybody is living, instead of walking the long, lonely, detached and suffering road of enlightenment? Would it be a disaster for me to do this, knowing within myself what life really is?
  14. I’m 19 years old and my life has barely started yet, and I’m having this knowledge! I’m not ready to give up my family. I’m living with my parents! I was suffering before this shift in consciousness, but now I stand in the middle of ego and spirit. I have lost the old me from one day to another, and now I’m so lost in the truth of existance. I’m aware that I have to give up everything to achieve total enlightenment, but I’m not ready for that! How are my parents gonna react to the changes in me when they come back from vacation? How am I supposed to let my family go?! The thing is I feel I’m stuck. There so many expectations of me at this age from my parents, I don’t even have a job. How am I gonna navigate through my life, with this detachment from the illusion everyone is living in?
  15. I have a very big surgery in the near future. It's a double jaw surgery where they cut both jaws and pull them forward a bit. I'm going through a huge shift of consciousness lately, and because of that I'm doubting if I should go through with this surgery. Before my awakening I was pretty insecure about my looks, but I also had some functional problems like a small breathing problems and blocked ears. Now I don't care about my looks, so that takes that out of the equation. I have to decide if I should go through with this process on the basis of my functional problems, or if I should not. I'm pretty long in to the process though, so it's pretty hard to stop it now. The thing is that I'm a little scared that the surgery will ruin my spiritual process, i'm in the stage of The Dark Night of The Soul and I do not want to stay in this stage for that much longer. What do you guys think of getting such a big surgery done, while in the process of awakening?