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  1. How do you find motivation for bettering yourself or life situation after an abiding awakening? (if you have bad habits; unhealthy eating or bad sleep patterns etc. or having the motivation to train or work towards something)
  2. your 4th and 5th trip is very similar to an experience I had smoking weed alone one day. First time I have smoked alone, with the intention of having a breakthrough. I experienced it as if my whole life had been lead up to this exact point, where everything I ever believed in disappeared in the matter of "seconds". I disappeared into infinite fractals (I was laying under a tree, and the branches turned into the fractals I became/was.) Funny thing is I put on a meditation by mooji just before my breakthrough, and I was hearing gods voice through him. Every time a personal thought came into this infinite space and there was a little believe, I could see the fractals going back into reality, and then back into fractals everytime I realized the non truth of the thoughts. This was going on for eternity. Thoughts I remember was thoughts like "is this really gonna go for eternity" and then an amazing insight would come and bliss me out. Suddenly I was back in my body and the 18 minute meditation was still going, I looked around and what I was met with was simply awe-inspiring. Out of nothing all of this was created. Everything is literally god playing with himself. I went home and went on youtube, and I was hearing every guru that I listened to before in totally different light. I (god) was talking through all of these people to myself, about how to navigate this "game" I have made. I was amazing myself with the reality that I created as If it was the first time I had ever heard it. A video I remember I saw at this point was this: I was talking to myself through these to guys, and the insights were amazing. A very big insight that I had was that everything does wake up when you wake up. From the standpoint of god, everything is god.
  3. I have been wondering a bit about the mind-body's self development and growth after the realizing of the true self. I have noticed that my personal drive and motivation has gone down quite a bit, as the interest doesn't lie in the personal identity that much anymore. This has made me pretty careless when it comes to changing my bad habits. I find myself eating bad food, going to sleep late and all the other stuff you do when your in that kind of cycle. The personal drive to change this is close to gone though, and I'm unsure if this is just my mind using the insight I have gotten as an excuse to indulge in unhealthy activities. I believe that caring for your body while being in human form is very important, relatively. But it seems like my suffering before was one of the biggest motivators to change my habits, and now looking from the perspective of one who doesn't experience much suffering, it's hard to do the things I know is "best" for the body. Thoughts?
  4. You can not stop the mind, using the mind. When the mind is overwhelmed, it is always talking about you in correlation to the situation. Then the natural instinct is to resist the feeling that comes with the situation, which as you said only creates more suffering. You can not DO nothing and the acceptance has to be deeper that the mind trying to get rid of the feelings. In situations where your mind is overwhelmed it is because all of your attention is on it. You are fuelling the mind by giving it so much attention. But don't think too much about this when it's happening, because then you'll just be frustrated that you can't get your attention of your mind haha. Although in my experience it helps to realize that your attention is on the mind at that moment. This creates a small distance. Then realize that the mind is just rambling about all sort of shit, and that you believe everything that it is saying. See that the mind is occuring in you and therefore can't be you. This creates a bigger distance between you and your mind, if it clicks, and will therefore instantly ease up your emotional state. This requires a lot of awareness though, and can be very frustrating when it doesn't "click." But observe the frustration too.
  5. I had the exact same thoughts and concerns as you have, before I had a really profound and authentic awakening experience. For the ego the idea that everything is one can be very grim or very beautiful, depending on how you look at it. But it can never be grasped by the thinking mind. A lot of what Leo says in his video is the same information I received through my own experience. You the ego who has these mind based ideas and fears about enlightenment is not the one who wakes up. The character in the dream can't wake up, as he is a part of it. The absolute beauty of life, can not be appreciated through unawakened eyes. I'm not saying that I'm enlightened or an awakened being. I'm not. The ego is very much still there. You don't see it and then spend the rest of your life blissed out. A lot of integration has to be done after, in almost every case, I believe. But when the seeing goes deep enough, you can not unsee it or forget it. The interpretations of what you saw will always be wrong to an extend though, when taking over by the mind.
  6. I knew yesterday that it was finally my time. I was gonna smoke some weed alone, which I have never done before, and surrender completely. I went outside and sat on a bench and smoked my joint, my ego had a lot of bubbling and I laid down on the bench. My heart began pounding faster than it had ever pounded and I completely surrendered to the fact that I was going to die. I stopped holding on to anything, and the world that I thought I new crystallized into complete nothingness and everything was at the same time. I saw everything as it was and spent eternity in this place. Then suddenly I was back laying on this bench outside. I got up and went home, knowing that none of this is real. You wake up to the fact that all of this is just a play of consciousness. There is no control and no one controlliling, only experiencing. Everything is intimately interconnected, everything is pure experience, there is nothing to worry about and no one left to worry. Everything is appearing on the screen of consciousness. It is the eternal play of infinite possibilities. It is freedom.
  7. I'm right there with you my friend. I also had a very strong LSD trip, and some LSD flashbacks on weed. I've also had awakening experiences while meditating. I have a hard time observing my thoughts and emotions without attaching or interfering, and they have gotten pretty strong lately. I think it's my ego that has taken the knowledge that i've learned from spiritual teachers on youtube and is using the methods given by them to hide within. It's really hard noticing when this happens, as it from the perceived point of view seems like I'm observing without attaching, but one good rule is to remember that if you're not in a light, joyful or peaceful state then you are not perceiving from the state of the self. The harder I try to observe and meditate the worse it gets, when I'm in a deep meditation suddenly something within me says "stop," and then it seems like I'm transforming into another dimension where there is complete stillness without mind. There is really nothing "you" can do to wake up.
  8. I have a hard time conversing with other people as I now have nothing in common with their way of thought. When I look into the eyes of other people, especially people I'm close with (my parents, the few friends I have left), I feel like there is this invisible thing between our gazing that makes it uncomfortable and unfulfilling to interact with them. I'm not sure if it's the big difference in mind states that create this gap, or if it's the judgements and expectations they have of me and I maybe have of them. I find myself seeking alone time a lot, I almost only talk with my parents as I haven't had a job in a long time. These are always really shallow and unfulfilling conversations though. I haven't had real social interactions in a long time, and find myself getting anxious just of the thought of talking with the cashier at the shop. These are not feelings on inferiority and I'm very aware of these thoughts when they come up. I have lost friends, as I have a hard time participating in ego talk. I feel unfulfilled, and that is probably because of the little ego I have left, but It feels like the only positive thing that have come from my awakening experience, was the experience itself. After that I have been living a pretty unfulfilling and detached life. While I write these things I'm aware that all these problems are illusions made up by the ego, that they aren't real, but I always find myself in that loop. Having these problems, then realizing they aren't real and that it is my ego that is speaking and creating all of these problems which gives me some sort of relief for a very short time, then falling into ego again, and so on. When I read posts on this forum it doesn't seem like that many people are fulfilled, but that is just my interpretation of the things I read on here. I would like to now if you are fulfilled? Please be honest. I would also like to know If you have found yourself being more disconnected than connected in the stages after awakening? Also does anybody else find themselves in the same kind of loop, that I mentioned?
  9. Enlightenment isn't really that easy to attain, as there are many years of egoic conditioning deep inside us all. I think a lot of people would have done it if it was that easy. I've had enlightening experiences, and these questions would probably seem very insignificant from an enlightened perspective. But there's no where else to go, we won't go anywhere after enlightenment, so It's a pretty valid question in my opinion. Why would you turn to drugs after enlightenment? Can you answer that question?
  10. " Others may become dropouts and live on the margins of society they feel they have little in common with. Some turn to drugs because they find living in this world too painful. Others eventually become healers or spiritual teachers, that is to say, teachers of Being. " Why would he talk about others becoming spiritual teachers in the sentence right after the people turning to drugs sentence? Try reading the whole bit again, doesn't it seem a bit confusing to you? He also talks about someone being drawn to spiritual communities and monestary's.
  11. These are the frequency holders, supposedly enlightened people holding the frequency of the earth on a high level. If you're enlightened, and you're more inward looking by nature, then it seems like you are not fit at all for this world. But what I don't get is how you can be enlightened and still suffering?
  12. I haven't really felt that good either after my awakening experience. It's beautiful in the moment of realising, but as soon as the ego takes over again, it's like you're an alien in this world. You know that you are everything and that everything happening in it's essence is nothing, but this realisation is pretty depressing for the ego. What I don't understand is the fact that the chapter is called "Frequency holders," but how can your frequency be high if your taking drugs to supress the pain of this world? I don't get it.
  13. So I'm done reading "A new earth" by Eckhart Tolle, and I really can't understand this part: THE FREQUENCY-HOLDERS The outward movement into form does not express itself with equal intensity in all people. Some feel a strong urge to build, create, become involved, achieve, make an impact upon the world. If they are unconscious their ego will, of course, take over and use the energy of the outgoing cycle for its own purposes. This, however, also greatly reduces the flow of creative energy available to them and increasingly they need to rely on “efforting” to get what they want. If they are conscious, those people in whom the outward movement is strong will be highly creative. Others, after the natural expansion that comes with growing up has run its course, lead an outwardly unremarkable, seemingly more passive and relatively uneventful existence. They are more inward looking by nature, and for them the outward movement into form is minimal. They would rather return home than go out. They have no desire to get strongly involved in or change the world. If they have any ambitions, they usually don’t go beyond finding something to do that gives them a degree of independence. Some of them find it hard to fit into this world. Some are lucky enough to find a protective niche where they can lead a relatively sheltered life, a job that provides them with a regular income or a small business of their own. Some may feel drawn toward living in a spiritual community or monastery. Others may become dropouts and live on the margins of society they feel they have little in common with. Some turn to drugs because they find living in this world too painful. Others eventually become healers or spiritual teachers, that is to say, teachers of Being. I don't get this part at all. Why would you turn to drugs after awakening? Why would this world be too painful to live in, after awakening to the truth? The way every spiritual teachers refers to the truth, is the peace and bliss that comes with it. Why would the world be too painful to live in, if you awaken to the truth of all there is. How can the Enlightenment, which is supposed to be "the end of suffering" in Buddhas words, lead to this.