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About Emerald

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  • Birthday 04/26/1989

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  1. Nope. This is totally characteristic of me. I miss a lot of obvious things when I'm not tuning myself into them. I have tons of "derp" moments all the time to where I'm kind of known for them in day to day life. It's kind of like, someone who works as a mathematician who often forgets to put two and two together unless they're in work-mode.
  2. @Etherial Cat I just now realized this... which is totally off topic. Your icon is now an actual etherial cat. I didn't even make the connection.
  3. When people skew too far into self-preservation drives over species-preservation drives, we end up with fractured, atomized communities and a lack of investment in others. Isolation is one of the biggest issues that we face as a populace as we are naturally a social species but we are functioning as though we're not. And a symptom of that is men who are disconnected from the instincts around community building... which is more than just fatherhood. It's not really about pro-creation and making lots of people. It's about being involved in a community. And fatherhood as a quality isn't exclusive to men who have children. Just like you could describe a woman as motherly even if she has no children. Basically, we're in a society that's very disconnected. And this exacerbates all of our other issues... and causes many of them. So, it's not a man-only issue. But the avoidance that many men tend towards tends to feed into this dynamic quite a bit as well as being a symptom of it.
  4. Why are you assuming that she doesn't eat healthy food or that she doesn't have a gym membership because she decided to spend a relatively small amount of money on fake eyelashes? That's a weird assumption. Also, why are you the police of what she should or shouldn't spend her money on? Is there anything that bad about buying false eyelashes? If so, let me know, because I have a pair. If I don't get rid of them soon, I guess the rules are that I'll have to throw out all my food and cancel my gym membership.
  5. Yeah, I would agree with that, both in and outside the realm of dating. There's a lot of potential being left off the table and there is a failure to see the value in it. It's like a person who has a bunch of gold but doesn't know its worth. And it's making society worse. But there is a collective issue with men and avoidance... particularly avoidance of the feminine. It's a fear of penetration on any level but the physical. And since these masculine drives require connection to the feminine side to integrate them, many men have these potentials left off the table by default. So, all the focus is put towards the self-preservation drives in men as opposed to the species-preservation drive in men. There was an insight I had a year ago at a medicine work ceremony that the masculine is out of its natural alignment and that this, on an energetic level, is why it's somewhat uncommon to find a man with a fully integrated and healthy masculine side. This was part of the avoidance. It's either a lack of integration/rejection of the masculine side or an overextension into a very limited array of masculine traits that are learned from the outside.
  6. I wouldn't be so sure of having completely escaped it. This runs very deep here. It's not just newcomers.
  7. I don't really see the connection between what your wrote here and my post that you're responding to. My point was not that men and women both have triggers and dissatisfactions in relationships nor was it about the brutality of relationships. My point was to express to @soos_mite_ah that many of the men here are hyper-fixating upon one of their masculine drives and leaving the others off the table.
  8. It doesn't work that way for me. Attraction isn't objective or rational. I don't have a laundry list of qualifiers that need to be filled before I can become attracted to someone. I don't go looking purposefully for high status guys. It doesn't consciously cross my mind. For a few years in my 20s I was really drawn to status... but that was because I was more focused toward status myself. I wanted to feel more adult back then and so I wanted a very specific vision of classy adulthood. I kind of feel like I wanted to live inside the song "Smooth Operator" back then... it just pushed some buttons for me. But I grew out of that, and I wouldn't much be interested in the men that sparked my interest back then. I eventually realized that I was just attracted to suits. But the way attraction has worked for me otherwise is that I just spend time with the people in my life, and random attractions spring up seemingly from nowhere. If I'm spending time with "low status" guys, the attraction will likely fall on one of them. If I'm spending time with "high status" guys, the attraction will likely fall on one of them. It tends to be whichever guy is the most a mirror to my Shadows and strengths. I find that, currently I mostly spend time with like-minded people which is the best thing I can do to find a partner that fits me... if I were to end up single and go looking for one. Before I knew myself as well as I do now, I'd spend time with many people who I liked but didn't share my values. So, I would end up with partners and friends that weren't congruent to me. But attraction still lands somewhere eventually. So, it's not a matter of worth and status for me. It's like chemistry and like-mindedness. Now, if a guy acts like a jerk or a scrub, he's going to automatically be unattractive to me. I have Shallow Hal vision... ugly personality traits ruin any potential for attraction for me. That was true, even when I was a little kid. Unkind people were always unattractive to me.
  9. I'm not saying these people don't exist here in either of those categories. But the overall Shadow attraction point here is 'feeling not enough'. And my wager is that everyone here has that in varying degrees... and I don't exempt myself from that. So, the place you can go to get a look at that underbelly the very most is the "dating/relationship/sexuality" category. And that's because you have a lot of people with that "not enough" feeling, and this section tends to bring out the "not enough" feeling the very most. And PUAs have the same Shadow attraction point. So, there is a lot of that here. It's a collective community Shadow that both communities share.
  10. I don't really think what you're saying is true in terms of no one hiding behind masks. I tend to think this populace here is a bit defensive in general and really trying to become something else than what they are. But what I was saying is that there are a myriad of masculine instincts beyond just the desire to have sex with attractive women. But you would think otherwise on this forum, as many men boil their masculinity down to that quite often. And this reflects an underdeveloped orientation to masculinity. Consider that human instincts exist for a very important reason... survival in the form of self-preservation and species preservation. All of our instincts are geared towards that. The masculine instinct to sew the seed widely with many fertile women is a strong drive for that reason. But consider also, that a pre-birth-control society based on men ONLY owning that part of their masculinity. And that becomes a society that is piss poor in terms of species preservation (and therefore self-preservation) because you have men impregnating lots of women... meaning fathering lots of children that he has no time/ability to father. So, there are other pro-social instincts that come in and temper this instinct, otherwise society doesn't function. In present day, that instinct is still designed to be tempered by those other instincts. The difference now is that we have birth control. And men are having a hard time developing a connection to those other instincts because there is not as much of an impetus to temper the beauty-seeking drive. So, when a man only owns the beauty-seeking drive of his masculine instinct without regard to his other instincts like his instincts towards pair bonding, fatherhood, commitment, community building, etc. this can lead to a society that's out of alignment and a populace of men who are out of alignment with the full depth and breadth of their masculinity... having only a one-note connection to their masculinity. And it also leads to men losing the respect of women who can't be satisfied when a man is fixated upon just one of his masculine drives. And this particular masculine drive is impersonal, so it orients to women more as objects than as people just as a natural outcome of that drive. So, it's both triggering and unsatisfying at once from the female perspective when this drive is not integrated and channeled with the other drives that are more personal.
  11. A website based on self-improvement will always have the Shadow of insecurity because many/most people who get into the path of self-development are trying to compensate for a sense of lack and feelings of low self-esteem. The outward facade here is that it's a place for those interested in higher consciousness who are on a higher wavelength. But it's really more like a large group of people who feel like they need to be that to be enough.
  12. There are more drives to male sexuality than just the beauty-seeking drive. Though, on this forum, you'd think otherwise. It's a strong drive, for sure. But there is also the drive toward love and pair bonding and fatherhood and community building. We are a social species so men are also geared towards love and commitment. In fact, men who are married tend to live longer and suffer depression less often than men who are not. Now, an immature man will not have developed the appreciation of his other masculine drives. A mature man, on the other hand, will have gotten in touch with these drives and will exhibit the ability to connect deeply and will cease to see women as merely fungible objects of male pleasure. And while even a mature man will respond instinctually towards youth and beauty (which is natural), he will value a myriad of other things. And if a guy is only looking at the surface, just don't get with that guy because he's not well developed and won't be able to give you the intimacy you're seeking. He's not a "high quality" partner.
  13. I'm just saying that that's why I responded that way if it didn't seem to fit the original post's message.
  14. What he said in his later post I was responding to had a vibe of envy towards attractive women for being able to get freebies. I responded this way and interpreted jealousy because he was saying that only male celebrities get treated as "good" as attractive women. This is something that many men get jealous of women for often. You find it a lot with Red Pill and Incel guys. So, I don't really think his perspective is that "Women are unlucky because high value women are born not made". I think his perspective is that "Women are LUCKY because high value women are born not made." Obviously, it's not a lucky position to be in because you have no control on a particular level and aging happens regardless of how good your hand is. But many men are short-sighted and don't think of that. And see men as being in the disadvantaged perspective because, "No fair! Women just get to show up and look pretty and men have to develop themselves." Obviously, most women would kill for the ability to appreciate our sexual marketplace value like that. But many men fail to see how women are in worse position because they interpret women as meaning a very narrow range of women. And they see this narrow range of women up on a pedestal.