Emerald

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About Emerald

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  • Birthday 04/26/1989

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  1. Actually the word slut, as a derogatory term, refers to a woman who enjoys sex and has a lot of sex with many partners. The derogatory term whore is the word that refers to prostitutes. Basically, the idea is that sluts do it for the enjoyment, whores do it for the money.
  2. It isn't about the behavior. You can believe that hooking up is unhealthy in the same way that you can believe that eating a certain type of food is unhealthy. But the issue I'm pointing out, is about the people attached to the behavior whom you're judging the worth of. There is a difference between the two. You can believe that promiscuity is unhealthy without diminishing the value of those who are promiscuous and creating these binary categories of female worth. You can also understand that your belief in the unhealthiness of hooking up doesn't actually reflect a universal truth... and that women who hook-up might be simply subscribing to a different value system.
  3. I'm just pointing out that you're passing judgment towards women by making these hard and fast categories. And I'm telling you that this is unhealthy because these judgments can create internalized misogyny. This is because those judgments will come back on you... as a judgment outward always becomes a judgment inward. It's not about having a preference for abstaining from sex for a certain length of time. That's perfectly fine and healthy if it is an expression of what feels right to you. The problem comes from you categorizing women into this worthy vs unworthy binary based on their sexual behavior... which is a symptom of internalized misogyny. And I say that with no judgment towards you. I'm just pointing something out. And I feel like you're bringing up the fact that everyone has different perspectives and preferences to avoid owning up to the problems inherent in your perspective and what it reflects in regards to your feelings about women. So, while you are entitled to your perspective, that doesn't mean that your perspective is healthy. Mind you, I never said you weren't allowed to have your own perspective. I just pointed out that there are some things that are fundamentally not good for your self-esteem about your perspective.
  4. With all due respect, this is just not a healthy way to look at women with the 'real women don't have sex right away" or the 'real women are looking for a solid relationship' narrative. This can pit you against your natural sexual drives, which may become stained with shame as a result. It can also lead to some internalized misogyny and come back to impact your sense of self-worth. Now, some women ARE looking for a solid relationship (probably most) and others are just looking for sexual experiences. And that's okay. And some women will want to wait for a while once they're in a relationship. And other women will want to have sex right away when they're in a relationship. I know I'm usually in the latter camp when I really like a guy. I just do what feels right intuitively. I don't have hard and fast rules. But the thing that makes this possible for me to do is that I can always tell when a guy is really interested in me... versus just being interested in sex. So, having sex right away in a relationship just feels natural. And I don't even get into the thought about sex being transactional and something I have to withhold and all that stuff. That just complicates things and gets people out of touch with their natural sexual feelings. Sex can be an expression of love and appreciation at its best. And this requires following your heart and not getting caught up in the weeds of these kinds of mindsets around sexuality and relationship. It's difficult to do because there's a lot of slut shaming and a lot of guys who are users out there. But once you get the spidey sense for who's trustworthy and a deeper connection to the intuition, it becomes a lot clearer who is a solid person and who is flakey.
  5. This is exactly what I'm trying to get across. It isn't the fact that pick-up exists that's a negative thing. It's totally understandable that such a need exists. And I probably would do some pick-up if I were a guy. It's probably the best thing to do if a guy is in a space where he doesn't really know how to interact with women or has a fear of approaching. Or if a guy just wants to have a variety of sexual experiences, that's understandable too. In this way, it's really helpful. The issue is that it sets up a simplified and distorted view of female sexuality that's both straightforward and easy to systematically respond to... to where certain formulas can be applied. It kind of compresses female sexuality into the format of male sexuality to make it more understandable and user friendly. And because it's an easy and effective system for attracting sex, a lot of men stay in that simplified conceptualization of the female sexual experience. This is because it gives the illusion of truth and thus control over the situation, it can really get in the way of their ability to genuinely connect with and understand women beyond the attraction phase. But not just that. It really chokes out and invalidates what's real and true about the female perspective relative to dating and relationships. And I can personally attest to the fact that the PUA perspective is a distortion, even if it is a useful distortion. And that's because I have done a lot of introspection into my own sexuality and internal attraction dynamics with the same lens that I explore other things with. And the insights that I've had, have been hard-won, even as I am a woman... largely due to society misrepresenting the female experience (particularly in regard to sex/relationships). I've really had to reinvent the wheel to get to know myself on that level. So, it does irk me a bit that so many PUAs will be like "Don't listen to her. Women don't know better. Don't ask a fish how to catch them" when I'm giving some really honest direct insights into the female experience over here. And the ability to look deeper at female sexuality will be necessary if the man in question really wants to cultivate a deep connection to a particular woman.
  6. To understand this, it must be understood that the percentage ratios of Yin/Yang are described from a relative perspective of being a human being that is perceiving the world. Just like up/down, big/small, beginning/end... we can experience them in from the relative human perspective as having a substantial existence that we can understand and relate to. But there is no such thing as up/down, big/small, beginning/end in any absolute sense. But if we take on other perspectives Yin/Yang, it could also be said that there NO duality there... aka non-duality. And that would be true, as all is one thing. But there is another perspective which paradigm that sits in the middle of the absolute non-dual perspective and the relative human perspective. And this is to recognize that everything is infinitely Yin and Yang. As a visual metaphor, if you could imagine zooming into the Yin half of a Yin and Yang Symbol... you would find it was made up of its own Yin and Yang symbols. Then you could zoom into the Yang side of one of those symbols, and still find more Yin/Yang symbols. So, in the relative human sense, it is a fixed quality. But you can become more conscious and more developed relative to your inborn Yin/Yang signature. But the way to become more magnetic is to own both of your polarities and not grasp towards one and repress the other. But in the other perspectives I mentioned, everyone is infinitely Yin/Yang and everyone in another sense is neither Yin nor Yang as even that dichotomy is a false dichotomy. But in-so-far as it concerns attractiveness to a partner, your best bet is to own your energetic signature completely and develop your core potentials that stem from that signature.
  7. My attraction comes from the months before that happens. I have to be attracted to a man BEFORE I have sex with him. And the quickness of pick-up doesn't give me the time I need to determine that. As I've said, it's usually a few months before organic attraction arises... if it will arise at all. You have to watch a man when he's not watching you to know what a man is really made of. And this comes only from interacting with him often. You won't get very much information the real man if he's trying to do the mating dance at you. You certainly wouldn't get enough information to know if you're compatible or have chemistry with him.
  8. I do understand that it is a lot of guys who just want to get some success with women. This is why I have no issue with pick-up being used for those purposes. I probably would try out pick-up if I were a man. What I am saying is that pick-up creates a distorted image of female sexuality... just one that is more workable for the agenda of getting laid. So, it is only the misrepresentation of the female experience that is unnerving to me. But I also think it's important to get men to realize that their notions of pick-up can write over the actuality of female sexual experience. And this will stand in the way of deeper bonding experiences.
  9. I am fine with men using pick-up to get laid. And I do understand the efficacy of having such a mechanism. But understand that it does come at a significant cost to intimacy and organic relationship growth... which is what women usually care about and feel satisfied by. Pick-up from the female perspective is like the fast food of sex and relationships. It can taste okay and fill you up a bit. But the real sustenance comes from the ability for things to happen organically over the course of time. And I have personally found that starting things out on a sexual note seriously impedes that organic process. The relationship quality difference is the difference between the waxy chocolates they sell at the dollar store during the holidays and hand-crafted gourmet truffles made from cacao beans found in the depths of the Amazon. It takes time and pick-up is immediate and fast.
  10. I didn't say that men shouldn't do pick up. That's a strawman. I would probably do some pick up if I were a man. I merely said that pick-up only works on a percentage of the the female population and that it's not universal. But my deeper point is that the way that pick up presents female sexuality is a distortion... a workable distortion that can help men get laid. But it is still a distortion and should not be confused for accuracy. And this distortion gets in the way of deeper bonding experiences between men and women.
  11. That's not what I'm saying. I'm also talking about the drive towards becoming confident, charismatic, etc. If a man feels like, "I have to have x,y,z qualities to attract women", then he will often write over his natural qualities in favor of whatever 'x,y,z' qualities are. This is what i meant. You can pick up on this energy of men wearing an armor where they try to embody qualities that aren't necessarily a natural expression of their core personality. But because they feel like they need these techniques to be attractive to women, they hide themselves away underneath an armor of masculine virtue. You can really pick up on the intuitive 'scent' of this quality. You have it too.
  12. I do understand the idea. But this frames female sexuality in the same framework as male sexuality, when female sexuality is very different. Therein lies the problem with pick-up as a perspective, it projects the rules of male sexuality onto female sexuality. And this creates a distorted view of female sexuality that is workable... but not rooted in truth.
  13. I guess I would be a bit surprised if there was a genuine deep bonding there. I know I couldn't really open up to a man in that head-space, as it would feel emotionally unsafe and frustrating because he wouldn't be able to see me as a person beyond his own agenda. So, don't be surprised when you get overlooked by someone you could potentially have had deep intimacy with. I say this because I have seen you express a desire for that. And your viewpoint might lead to you shooting yourself in the foot on this motivation because of the perspectives you hold on female sexuality. Men who get into pick-up and adopt that worldview give off a particular energy that is easy to pick up on intuitively. There is usually a vulnerability underneath that and a hardness/harshness that is developed after going through pick-up. And it is a difficult energy to be around, as it's very armored. And it is particularly difficult to really open up to someone with that energy.
  14. @Leo Gura Of course there are learning curves in all things. But I feel like you're purposefully misunderstanding my point. And that's that pick-up doesn't work on everyone. And for those it does work on for the purposes of getting laid, it doesn't usually make for a deep bonding experience... because these pick-up ideas tend to overwrite the actuality of the female experience of deep sexual bonding in favor of a system that is easier to learn and understand. It does the dis-service of making men feel like they have demystified the female sexual experience by making it more workable for their sexual agenda... while getting them into a perspective that feels like demystification, when in reality it's just a more workable distortion.