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About Emerald

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  • Birthday 04/26/1989

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  1. I made a video on this topic, since I've also gotten myself into this same trap...
  2. Being an illegal immigrant is a tough route. I don't recommend it if you can avoid it as it will pepper your life with so many constraints and fears. And this would be especially trying since you've come from such a tumultuous past and really need a sense of stability in your life. If I were in your shoes, I'd just move to a different area in the UK as this would be a healthy distance from your family. Then, if you'd really like to move to another country, try to see if they have a path to citizenship that you can follow. I know that in America, the only viable path to citizenship for most people is through marriage. You have to basically be famous and/or rich to immigrate here legally if you don't have an American spouse. And if you do come here illegally, you'll be making $5/hour if you're lucky since illegal immigrants are most often employed through companies that act as middle-men, so that the business isn't liable for having illegal immigrants work. And the middle-man companies, usually skim off a coupe bucks an hour. And the average cost of living here requires a lot more than that can afford. I'm not sure what the requirements are for other English speaking nations though. So, that would be something to look into. But the main thing is to just get a little bit of distance and become as stable as possible. I can tell that you really need to be able to put down roots.
  3. @Cocolove I know that when I was in high school, I wouldn't have been willing to go all the way with someone I wasn't in a relationship with. And I would suppose that's true for most girls that age. Most people lose their virginity in high school, and they will put a lot of thought into who they want to share that experience with. Having said that, there are plenty of people who are itching to get their virginity off their hands, and many girls who are very promiscuous. They are just more in the minority, as compared to the number of teens who are being more cautious. But you're missing out on a lot of good times if you're just wanting to get sex and that's it. One of the best things about being a teenager is in having a big friend group and meeting potential partners within that friend group. And then having sexual experiences that bloom organically when you're just having a good time and listening to music. And for the most part, the relationships don't tend to last very long. So, it's rarely super serious. So, just embrace the time for what it is. And the most important thing is to develop a tight-knit social group to do things with as well as a large circle of acquaintance-like friends as well. And this will allow you to get the most out of your high school experiences socially and sexually. Basically, just have as much fun with this time as possible.
  4. I think it's a good idea to be forthcoming with your audience. As a spiritual YouTuber, I've done a lot the same for myself. I still keep a certain degree of discretion if the situation involves other people that wouldn't want to have me talk about it. But otherwise, I'm quite open about my shortcomings. Now, if you're going to talk about spiritual concepts, you also should talk a lot of emotions and psychological things. And you can weave in that information about yourself about how you used to be and what patterns you would get into and how you transcended those issues and/or integrated your shadows. But if you're stills struggling with something as serious as being abusive or something like that, then I recommend holding off on doing it until you can grow past those tendencies genuinely. And once you can genuinely grow past those tendencies, then you'll have a lot of useful insights to impart to others who are struggling with the same patterns of behavior which will make your content a cut above most others who are just parroting learned insights.
  5. You can also submit your music to Pandora. Here's the submission process. https://diymusician.cdbaby.com/musician-tips/get-music-on-pandora-internet-radio/ You should also create a Facebook page for your band, and spend some money to attract people to your page via ads. Even $100 would be a good starter amount. Hash tagging your posts also helps a lot as well since it will show up if anyone searches certain terms. And you can put in short clips of live performances and behind-the-scenes as well as other things related to your music that are not on your YouTube channel. This will create more of a personal connection to you and the other members of your band and encourage people to look on your YT page and subscribe.
  6. Since it is music, you won't be able to rely on tags and titles to drive people to your music, as no one will be searching it. What I recommend is to make connections with people who have blogs and websites that relate back to your style of music. Then, you could possibly come on as a guest blogger and include a link to your music. Or you can see if there's anyone that will feature your music on a high traffic music-related website. By the way, I just listened to 'Rust' and I really enjoyed it. I also subscribed.
  7. Perhaps she really was joking, but not really realizing that it was really bothering you. This especially could be true if she were at the bar and drinking. When I was younger, I had a tendency to assume that guys were emotionless because they hid their emotions due to social expectations around manhood. But I wasn't really aware of this. I just thought, "Guys are tough. I can tease them a bit and fake-insult them and they won't mind." And looking back, I was sometimes really blunt about it and assumed that they knew it was a joke and most of them genuinely knew that... I think. And it's what I would do if I liked a guy or if I had a guy friend that I was also somewhat flirty with. I was quite Helga Pataki when I was in middle and early high school especially. But one time, I was 19 and I was teasing my friend Nick that he was secretly gay. And it wasn't really a one-sided thing because he would tease me that I was a lesbian and stuff like that. But he was always telling me to stop, but I didn't really think he meant it because of his tone. But one day, he really blew up on me and I was shocked how hurt he was. I had no idea that I was really bothering him with my comments. So, I apologized. But it really made me consider that maybe a lot of men are more emotional than they let on. But if I had to bet money, I'm guessing that this is the mindset of that girl and the other girls that you've heard talking like that. There is an underlying assumption that guys don't have strong emotions, and girls tend to assume the guys that they know have iron-clad self-esteem. I was really surprised that so many men seem to have a lot of anxieties about talking to women in general. I always heard that in movies and things like that, but I never considered that it could actually be a common experience among men as I just didn't see many signs of it. Men hide vulnerabilities pretty well. I really only know about it because of the internet. So, that's my take on it. Now, the woman at the bar was probably being drunk in general. So, this probably compounded any problem behaviors that already existed. She probably really did think she was joking and flirting with you, but was too drunk to realize that her comments were inappropriate and coming off that way. And women get nervous about letting a guy know that they like him, so they'll often use teasing and making fun to flirt with a guy while being able to hide their flirting.
  8. Perhaps you're right. I look forward to when lab-grown meat becomes the main or only meat farming practice. That will definitely cut down on a lot of animal suffering and will take away one of the largest contributors to climate change, as well. But right now, there are like 9 companies (or some small number like that) that contribute to the majority of air pollution that causes climate change. So, I fear that these structural changes, legislation-wise, won't be made in time... especially with regard to China that is not showing signs yet of moving to Green. Now, there are people working on carbon scrubbing technology, and this would really help us as we wouldn't just be going to net zero carbon emissions but actually removing them from the air. But the technology is still in its baby phase.
  9. That's true. I figure that it will probably be scary, tumultuous, and bloody like it always has been. There are a lot of hurt men, who have had expectations placed upon them to deny their humanity and emotions and just suck it up and be men. And these communities of pain pop up around the collective hurt that men feel. So, we have a situation where women have gone through liberation from their gender box, as there is very little boon to living in that box. So, once the social structure changed to liberate women from that box, women were all to eager to get out of the prison of narrow societal conscriptions about what femininity means. And there is still a huge reaction against the feminine from women, because there is a conflation of the societal conscription about femininity and femininity itself. But men are still beholden to their gender box. Society at large, still judges men for not being man enough. And men still believe that there is happiness and power to be found in the prison of societal conscriptions about what masculinity means. So, they cling to their prisons in an attempt to salvage their self-esteem only to play a hierarchical losing game and bring themselves lower and even further from their natural masculinity and true center. And they have to walk this very narrow line of what is acceptable for men to be for fear that other men will police their behavior and call them beta or some other feminizing insult. The thing that makes me doubt our ability to make the jump relative to climate change is that we're about 12 years out from the point where things go past a point where it would be very difficult to return to a change in climate that would have an intense impact on so many eco-systems. But given that there's so much growth and awareness happening, I still have hope even thought it feels like a bit of a long shot.
  10. I think the current collective ego (which is Orange and masculinity-centric) is having an extreme reaction to the progression toward Green and feminine integration. And this reaction is causing a lot of people who are not ready to progress, to instead attempt to regress into past societal structures in their reaction against the changes. So, we're seeing a lot of the Blue and Red shadows coming to fruition as well as the darker side of Orange. People don't want to lose the advantage that being an Orange man in an Orange masculine society affords them, even if they would be in an overall better spot to integrate Green. It still registers as a loss. But I suppose my confidence kind of wavers a bit. I think that if we're able to sufficiently remedy the issue of climate change, then we will continue to integrate the feminine more and more into our present masculine societal structure which will lead to a much healthier society. But the backlash is so strong against the integration of the feminine, I fear that we won't be able to make it in time as a species. So, only time will truly tell if we can make the jump or can't.
  11. That's not what he was saying. You should really try to gain some connection to your emotions and get out of your comfort zone with it. If you don't learn how to do that, then you'll miss out on a lot of things in life, including but not limited to romantic relationships.
  12. I've heard a lot worse and quite often. I just watched a video where Elliot Hulse who I thought was pretty okay from what I had seen. And he was saying he didn't know if women should have the right to vote and 75% of the comments were affirming how correct he is and how glad they are that he's dropping "red pills". And comments like this can be found in a lot of places. So, sexism doesn't surprise me anymore, especially fairly small instances like this. The OP said something a bit objectifying without really realizing it. But it's really all over the place on the internet. The OP is just a bit immature and grasping to feel a sense of control and to salvage his self-esteem, and he's doing that through means that happened to be sexist. And he's largely just being effected by these collective waves, as opposed to consciously participating or causing the waves. So, a single instance of sexism is kind of like a single zombie. It's not really a problem once you get acclimated to the fact that zombies exist. You can just avoid it, and they fall apart easily. Zombies are clumsy and not too smart. But it's always the horde you have to worry about. And that's what worries me the most, is that it seems like the number of men being brainwashed into anti-woman rhetoric is festering. It's like it's all coming up as a reaction to us pressing forward and progressing as a society. It's all to keep us in Orange and to keep us from moving to Green, as well as to avoid the integration of the feminine principle. But my assumption is that we will make that jump, and these guys will collectively retreat back to the shadows. And then, their kids and grandkids will be much more forward thinking, while they become irrelevant and eventually die out. And then this cycle will come back again and again in more and more of the minutia of the issue until we fully re-integrate the feminine principle. Or we might not make the jump and we will all die and the planet with us... either one. But I'm optimistic.
  13. I'm sure it was just an on the spot defense that wasn't really thought through. The OP tends to like to come to a lot of snap conclusions about things.
  14. He was saying that he wanted impregnate a woman from every race to raise his "cubs" so that there are a lot of different versions of himself running around in the world. I think that the word animalistic is accurate.
  15. That sucks that the laws in those countries are so antithetical to the stability, health, and wellbeing of women and children. And there are tons of people I know who are either single mothers or who have never met their father because they took off. I think it's a lot easier for irresponsible men to leave their children because they don't carry them for 9 months before-hand, and they can detach and kind of pretend it didn't happen. So, this is probably why that dynamic happens as often as it does. So, the level of discernment and vetting that women put men through, is just a really wise decision. I think that a lot of inexperienced men like the OP want to see sex in a vacuum without regard to the practical concerns. And just thinking about how things "should be" if they were fair. There are so many dysfunctional people out there, men and women both. But there are so many added layers of vulnerability for women as the one possessing less physical strength, less testosterone, and having the lion's share of the role in caring for children in the gestational and baby phase. So, it's very important to find a man who is a rock in terms of reliability, integrity, and stability if a woman gets into any sexual situation that could eventually turn into a family. Otherwise, they will live their life in a constant state of anxious upheaval, with children in tow.