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1. If one does not express their anger to its target, they will express it to another target. This is why people explode out of nowhere. There is no being careful about expressing anger. Express it. Being polite and nice...is why people commit murder and suicide. 2. If self expression wasn't stifled people would be more honest. Why do you think comedy and movies exist? Its the one time where people are allowed to see honest authentic expression of the human condition. The irony....is we have people who try to clamp down on that too!!! 3. Do you see animals trying to clamp down on expression? NO!!! Anger doesn't distort the world. If I am killing your family and anger arises....is that distortion? If I am stealing your possession and anger arises is that distortion? You think anger needs to be carefully expressed because you don't trust yourself or others....which is why morality exists. You think people are innately evil and need morality to be good. In my own direct experience I have people not filter and totally express themselves with me...and they always choose no matter how angry they get....to allow themselves the space to calm down eventually. I do not fear the anger of others....but I have seen first hand what repressed anger looks like and what it does. Repressed anger is a much greater threat than the normal anger that arises. With authentic expression allowed repressed anger= resentment will stop being such a common occurrence. Why do you think lately there is such a defiance for authority? All this attempts to be careful is being thrown out the window.

"Still, our Steppenwolf has at least discovered a Faustian duality within himself, has found out that no unified soul inhabits the single entity that is his body and that at best he is just starting out on a long pilgrimage towards such an ideal inner harmony. He would like either to become wholly human by conquering the wolf in himself, or conversely to renounce his human side in order at least to live an integrated, undivided life as a wolf. He has presumably never observed a real wolf closely, otherwise he might have seen that animals too have no such things as unified souls; that the beautiful, taut frames of their bodies house a whole variety of aspirations and states of mind; that wolves suffer too, having dark depths within them. Oh no, human beings are always desperately mistaken and bound to suffer when they try to get 'back to nature'. Harry can never fully become a wolf again, and if he did he would realise that even wolves are not simple and primitive creatures but complex and many-sided. Wolves also have two and more than two souls in their wolves' breasts, and anyone desiring to be a wolf is guilty of the same kind of forgetfulness as the man who sings 'What bliss still to be a child!' The likeable but sentimental chap wih his song about the blissfully happy child would also like to get back to nature, to his innocent origins, but he has totally forgotten that children are by no means blissfully happy. Rather, they are capable of many conflicts, a host of contradictory moods, suffering of all kinds. There is no way back at all, either to the wolf or the child. Things do not begin in innocence and simplicity; all created beings, even the ostensibly simplest, are already guilty, already full of contradictions. Cast into the muddy stream of becoming they can never, never hope to swim back up against the current. The road to innocence, to the state before creation, to God, doesn't run backwards, either to the wolf or the child, but forwards, further and further into guilt, deeper and deeper into the experience of becoming fully human. Nor is suicide, poor Steppenwolf, a serious solution to your problem. You will just have to go down the longer, more onerous, more difficult road to becoming truly human. You will frequently have to multiply your two selves, make your already complex nature a great deal more complicated. Instead of making your world more confined and your soul simpler you are going to have to include more and more world, ultimately the entire world in your soul as it painfully expands, until one day, perhaps, you reach the end and find rest. This, in so far as they succeeded in the venture, is the path taken by Buddha, by all great human beings, some knowingly, others unconsciously. Every birth entails separation from the cosmos, enclosure within limits, isolation from God, painful self-renewal. Returning to the cosmos, overcoming the painful experience of individuation, achieving God-like status: all these entail an expansion of the soul to the point where it is once again able to contain the whole cosmos within itself." Steppenwolf, Hermann Hesse

Hi, my name is Alex and I’m from Russia and I need practical help. What I’m going to write next doesn’t come easy to me. I’m currently in Nepal and I find myself in the middle of a very dire situation. To keep things straightforward, I was in Turkey last year before Russian-Ukrainian war started, and I was during serious many-hours-pre day meditation practice, which did a number on my perception of reality, and I remember the day precisely- it was 23 of February - when I watched Leos video about solipsism which he deleted but which popped up without me even searching for it in the way of sound-only youtube video someone else recorded and did put out. I remember walking on a beach in Izmir listening to it and feeling really strange, and then the next day the war started, which was interpreted by me as a confirmation that it is my personal dream, and it made me disconnect from other people because I stopped seeing any point of living a life in my personal dream where such things as this war happen, and I lost the will to survive, because I didn’t see any point in connecting with people which aren’t even real. That’s a big reason why I’m posting this here. I stayed with Leo and did practices suggested by him for the last 3 or 4 years, and I hold him partially responsible for my current situation. If solipsism in my case is actually true as he said in his deleted video and he is just a figment of my imagination, then it’s only fair for me to ask for help here, if on the other hand other people in my reality have inner lives of their own, which I feel right now is actually more probable, then putting up that video was highly irresponsible of him, given that there are quite a few suicidal people on this forum. He must have understood that and removed his video shortly after posting it, but I think it’s really no excuse given past history with people being actively suicidal here, there is no love in telling potentially suicidal people that their nightmarish reality is just a dream and basically pushing them towards suicide, because it removes incentive to connect with other people by perceiving them as unreal and it removes incentive to go on for loved ones because I started, for some time, perceiving them as non-existant, and felt extremely empty, and I’m sure I’m not alone here. So I stayed in Turkey until about 3 months ago, meditating a lot and wanting to achieve liberation from this world, and at very least from the feeling of chronic unease and tension which was with me since my childhood. I didn’t see any point in continuing to live in a dreamworld in which I was feeling this chronic tension. I tried to get some jobs in the summer and earned a little money, but feeling of chronic pointless of surviving and non-ending aversion toward the word I lived in, which was more and more perceived by me as not real prevented me from committing to survival for the good of my loved ones and finding ways to earn money. So about 3 months ago my money was running out and I went to nepal where I though I’ll get some job, but I got a local dengue fever, I was incapacitated and got psychotic and cut my hand with a knife. Then I went to the hospital and they patched me, but I probably some neurological complications and not really able to function right now. My money is running out and I can’t go back to Russia, because they will probably draft me and have me to kill myself because I don’t want to go to their stupid pointless war and kill other people. I’m very tired of I didn’t check the rules but I in large part expect this to be removed, despite that it will be very painful to me because it took me over 3 weeks to find resolve to post this here because I am not used to asking for help. But I leave it up to you now, basically it’s maybe my first and last plea for help. I need some money to survive, and I need about $400 per month to survive here, including food and housing. I’m not used for such money for me to be a problem because I have a decade of experience in system engineering, but I have neurological complications which prevent me from functioning which prevent me from taking a job in the industry right now and it’s what makes difference between living or dying right now. So I’m asking you to put up some fund and help me with some money to survive for next several months until I’ll be able to get back on my feet. I’m not sure I deserve help, but I don’t think I deserve to die either. I don’t really have anyone else to ask, because my parents are my only family which I’m in contact with and they are old and in Russia and don’t have money to support me, and I can’t go back to Russia because they will probably kill me by drafting in the army and sending to my death. Honestly, I want to repeat that I write this here because of the impact of the Solipsim video be Leo, and I think it’s only fair for me to try to get help this way. In any case, it’s really painful and hard for me to write this because it’s hard for me to ask for help, but I’m also doing this action so that god might know my situation and find a way to help me. I can provide required verification via zoom to moderators or other people of my story by telling it in person showing my documents and the recent knife scar. With all the talk about god Leo did over the years, I leave it up to god manifested as you to decide my fate, because I’m apparently helpless right now.

Something profound came about last night in a conversation with my brother-in-law. Thought it would be worth sharing with y’all. He’s the only proper tier 2 thinker I’ve been blessed to know personally and we both agree that I’ve saved him from loneliness and he’s saved me from total insanity through our abstract, philosophical connection. (Keep in mind that he is not God- Realized and I can’t be too blunt with the whole you are God thing haha) Here’s the brief Q&A: His question “When god came into existence, and most likely didn’t even understand fully what itself was, and now continually witnesses the possibilities and strives to understand itself endlessly. As a single piece of that entity striving to understand itself, is everyone’s real purpose just to love and accept themselves and others. Whatever that may be?” My response “I like that a lot, very well worded. I know/perceive God as the principle of infinite intelligence, the only thing capable of properly understanding existence; Since existence is a pure singularity of infinity. I see/feel/experience Love to be The primary tool that God uses to achieve this infinite understanding. This is why I feel Love is so powerful, it is the only thing that a singularity of infinite intelligence decided to use to understand itself perfectly ? ?♾? As though Love is an advanced technology of an unimaginable magnitude, and inconceivably subtle, intricate, and multidimensional. The most advanced levels of love are extremely alien to how humans know and express love, almost like technology from a futuristic planet outside our galaxy Gods main frame of understanding is a nuclear reactor of infinite love, which also implies infinite acceptance of all manifestations of infinity, including all subsets of limited understanding. I am my best self when I can perfectly mirror God‘s Love for the macrocosm through its infinite intelligence with my love for the microcosm through my finite intelligence. The more loving I become the more it is extremely clear that I’ve become a pristine instrument that God can use to achieve pure understanding of the entire human domain, the entire earth fractal of infinity ?” Second response”Also I had a telepathic merging and simultaneous awakening with this actualized guy and his post expresses my life purpose quite well.(I sent him Leo’s recent post of Infinite Alien Love) Almost like Mr. Actualized and I are outgrowths of the same alien intelligence that’s contacting humanity in order to teach it new ways to love and thus new ways to understand themselves and all of existence. He’s more of the brain/vocal cords and I am more of the liver/kidneys.( Of course there are organelle systems within this alien that no human has ever seen before. They are completely unique in their purpose and novel in their function.) He builds towering spires of alien architecture and alien wisdom that humans can look up to for conscious inspiration and amazement. I’m over here underground, installing multidimensional alien plumbing and sewer systems; making sure humanity’s subconscious bullshit gets treated properly and doesn’t flood to the surface. Don’t worry I knew there was no glory in this job when I signed up for it ?Spoiler: the collective healing I have been doing for the past few years is precisely this alien love expressed. It’s so alien that it’s consciously appreciated by only a handful of people in the world at a time. Of course that number is growing quite a bit with our collective awakening. Although this alien love that I try to express seems to require me being struck by lightning to express properly, almost like I’ve learned to absorb and radiate so much of God’s love that it is literally killing me haha (not ego death but actual physical death) but it’s such a beautiful thing that I don’t mind in the slightest. One death to heal the trauma of billions of deaths is just fine in God‘s eyes, he doesn’t mind me taking one for the team haha.” A few additional points to add for forum folks : Do I really believe that Leo and I are part of an alien being sent here to save humanity? Honestly I don’t give a shit and was just having fun talking with a friend. There is no need to claim alien-ness to be special. The Singularity includes infinite alien-ness and infinite similarity. You are both native and alien at the same time and it’s a delicious paradox that will be solved with deeper awakenings. What do I mean by collective healing? We can start by reviewing a book by Chris Bache titled “ LSD and the Mind of the Universe: Diamonds from Heaven.” He speaks about interfacing with the entire species mind at once and dealing with its collective shadow he termed the ocean of suffering. That one can dive into the ocean and experience superhuman levels of agonizing pain and torment in order to dissolve toxins and heal repressed collective trauma. Like a psychedelic group therapy session Although the dimensions of healing I have accessed seem to be much deeper, more concentrated, more vast in breadth and scope and more consistently luminous. He’s talking about collective healing as a non-god realized human; I’m talking about Collective Healing as a God-Realized Alien. What do I mean when I say Alien? I mean that there are ways of showing Love to yourself and to your fellow comrades in consciousness, and ways of Understanding reality through that Love that are so deliciously bizarre, So joyously weird, and so ecstatically eccentric that it is fucking mind blowing and is absolutely unlike anything this world has ever seen or heard of. It is such a distinctively different way of feeling, thinking, singing, dancing and being than traditional norms and cultures, even spiritual ones, that it couldn’t be further from human. This Absolute Alien-Ness with a capital A Is more alien then if a spacecraft full of martians or grays landed on the lawn of the White House; it is more alien than all of the alien depictions of all sci-fi movies ever made put together; it is more alien than DMT hyperspace entities. The Understanding that opens when this Infinite Alien Love is embodied gives a paradigm of reality that is so complete, so fulfilling, and so contrasted against the paradigm which humanity uses that it becomes utterly laughable just how wrong humans are about all of reality, what it is and how it works; Like they couldn’t be any more wrong ? “The word alien is too vague. Can you please give a specific example of this alien intelligence? “ Sure, I can share a low resolution depiction of my version with you. Picture this: An ancient hyper dimensional, fractal – galactic alien jellyfish. This jellyfish has been meditating in a solitary ocean of hyper dimensional fluid for eons, while contemplating its nature as Infinity. It has had an astronomical amount of time to grow, mature and develop Insane powers of the Mind, the Heart, and the Tentacle. It’s oceanic womb of specialized fluid has nourished it with a divergent evolutionary structure of sentience, giving it unique properties that are not even close to being found in any other universe or domain of consciousness. As it’s contemplation reached critical mass, it dissolved its womb with its own transcendental will and for the first time the endless vistas of the infinite dreamed creation became visible to it; worlds and species without end, universes and dimensions without boundaries. A new birth as it became conscious of infinite alien-ness. It’s domed head is a diamond singularity giving it access to Infinite God Consciousness. It’s primary tentacle stemming from this dome shines with the brightness of 100 billion suns. Branching off from this are its 1 trillion secondary tentacles. Each of these secondary tentacles can split into billions of tertiary ones, so on and so forth and there really is no end to its tentacle outreach. This jellyfish is conscious of itself as God and knows it can choose whatever form it wishes, although it chose its particular form to experience a very rich, specific joy of infinity. The main goal in this joy is to fully explore the infinite dimensions of pain/suffering and healing/recovery. It swims through the Omniverse and twirls, spins and dances in the most beautiful way as its cascading fractal web of tentacles oscillates and slithers about in an attempt to complete this never ending task. There was no pain in it’s own environment and thus no healing was possible. It’s quite curious how prevalent pain and suffering are throughout the rest of the infinite dream. Even though it has transcended pain and suffering entirely, it has enormous empathy for all those stuck in the dream that have not. It is conscious that it can dissolve pain from the dream by recontextualizing it not as suffering but as infinite love and divine radiance; although to do this properly it must experience the pain directly and intensely. It can do this because it is conscious that it is ALL pain in existence and also ALL healing in existence. While being conscious that suffering and healing collapse into unity and are ultimately imaginary, it actively seeks suffering out within the dream like a kid in a candy store. There is no moral superiority and it does it’s shamanic jellyfish work not because it believes healing is superior or that pain is bad and must be eliminated, but simply because that is its favorite way to show love to itself. It gains infinite fulfillment from using it’s abilities to experience multidimensional pain without bias and to share its gift of total self healing. It is a hyper dimensional massage therapist that massages traumas and tensions out of entire dimensions of existence and entire species at a time. It completes cosmic shadow work by using its tentacles to seed itself into various domains of life and conforms to their ecosystems for the purpose of finding toxic defects and corrects them in a hyper intelligent way that leads to maximum thriving for all in the system. It is not bound by ordinary time or space and has a hyper resilience that lets it withstand any alien environment that it encounters. Why is this alien love sending lightning through my body and killing me? At this point it’s not too far out to suggest that the human personality that types this post is an outgrowth of the jellyfish and one of its many tentacles that has seeded itself into humanity for the purpose of healing the human species. Also the human is not PART of the jellyfish, it IS the jellyfish. All the human memories/experiences are accessible to the entire jellyfish OverSoul mind, but the entire multidimensional existence of the jellyfish is also accessible to the human; they are one and the same. From this perspective, the jellyfish is an outgrowth of the human and the domed diamond head is centered in the chest, with the luminous tentacles pouring out and caressing every human I come in contact with. With that said, as I have become more conscious of my purpose and the means of actualizing it, my thread count has increased exponentially.(I will define a thread as a profound or meaningful mental, emotional, spiritual or even physical connection with another living entity or being, in this case for healing purposes. Yes I know there are no “other” beings and you can only have an infinite thread count with yourself but please bear with me haha) It’s not a competition to see who can get the most. It’s just part of the game that the more threads or unified interconnections made within the human species mind, the greater level of alien love that can be expressed into this domain. Over the years of purifying the psyche and jailbreaking the mind, I’ve learned how to make simultaneous connections with a billion people at once, and several billion threads have been woven over my 1000 or so healing sessions. The most recent healing sessions this year have been extremely intense and induce trance, out of body-seizure like episodes from the high voltage, high bandwidth processing. Covering trauma from many epochs throughout history and cultures from around the world, including people from all walks of life, all ages and all different types of problems and suffering. It’s impossible to articulate how exactly the healing takes place but a lot of it involves high grade distance telepathy, connecting with people in their dreams to access their memories and then sharing the gift of lucid dreaming by building an entire dreamscape in their mind that’s dedicated to creatively inspire them, uplift them with hyper dimensional alien jellyfish vitality and help them uncover repressed or suppressed subconscious material and assisting them in working through it in the smoothest possible way, while slowly skimming traumatic energy off the top and funneling it back to my body where it can be processed more consciously and dissolved from a God-Singularity state. These healing sessions are the most beautifully ecstatic, sublimely divine moments of my life, where I feel the most loving, connected and in tune with my purpose. They are stronger than any amount of sex or psychedelics that I’ve taken(over 225 trips in total ). In fact this work has collapsed a fundamental duality that I know y’all will enjoy; The duality between altered psychedelic states and sober states. This unfoldment has put me into a permanent 5-MeO/4-AcO/NN- DMT hybrid state that’s been ongoing for seven months and shows no signs of stopping. I can’t even take psychedelics anymore and have no need for them due to the high electric currents running in the default state. If I need a boost, the only thing to take where I won’t blackout is 5 to 7 mg of edible cannabis which will give me about 2 to 3 hours of high-dose DMT effects that I can use to boost my consciousness activities. From this weird center of gravity, objects buildings, and even people phase in and out of transparency. I can see peoples thought structures as visible, colored textures and I can feel certain peoples rhythms of thinking as pressure sensations upon the skin. There has also been a recent increase in sensitivity to pretty much everything including food, light, sound, environments etc. ?(Obviously) As though I am swimming through liquid crystal, everything looks like it’s covered with diamonds that sparkle and shimmer with immense radiance. I can’t turn it off, this is life now. What started as small chunks are now moderate to large chunks of life memory that is dissolving to make room for this higher bandwidth interface. I am losing my ability to articulate thoughts in English as my mind is being reprogrammed with this alien language of 5D+ hyper visual, ultra emotive thought structures that the jellyfish uses to organize its multidimensional healing endeavors. I would consider human language to not be my native tongue at this point and you can just look at my post account to see how often I am thinking in English hahaha. My muscles are weak, my nerves are on fire, and my bones feel like they are being liquefied. Yet strangely all the tests run by the doctors indicate that everything is “fine.“ ? No diseases here, you’re perfectly healthy haha. There’s obviously something much bigger going on and the doctors don’t have a clue. At this point I’ve lost all trust in modern medicine because everything they try ends up backfiring and fucking me over more than it helps including MRIs, prescription medication, and a whole slew of other tests, studies and procedures done. I’m pretty much on my own and I do my best to eat a very clean diet and take quality supplements but that’s about it. Even so I am only 26 years old and experiencing dementia, Alzheimer’s and other end-of-life symptoms. It’s like some freaky Benjamin Button shit going on hahaha. I have intuited this and from observation it seems likely that I will not make it to 30. Although once again, from the perspective of the jellyfish the intended healing was accomplished and everything went according to plan. Every choice ever made and every experience ever engaged in was to increase the thread count for this great purpose. All other human pleasures and shenanigans were side quests to this main event and it has been executed perfectly. This tentacle played its note flawlessly upon the grand piano of infinite suffering/healing. Since we love coining new terms here I will add another one: an entirely new category of death referred to as a human hyper-nova. It needs to be distinguished from suicide since the two are confused almost always. Suicide is a voluntary CONTRACTED death that results from an exponential LOSS of threads. Meaningful connections are severed from society, coworkers, friends and family and finally that last single thread to the self; one gets cut off from their own personal hopes and dreams and when the thread count reaches zero the will to live is gone. There is no god realization with suicide and from the personal perspective, it is considered an anti-life, destructive act. A human Hyper-Nova is a very rare voluntary EXPANDED death that results from an exponential GAIN of threads. Since each thread has a charge to it and due to the overwhelmingly vast network of threads accumulated, far beyond what the human nervous system is intended to handle, the overcharged circuit completely fries the human body resulting in an untimely passing. There is God -Realization in this death and there is clear awareness of it being a portion of a greater purpose; definitely considered a powerfully creative act. An excellent film showcasing alien love is Annihilation starring Natalie Portman. It’s highly recommended although a warning : it can be a bit intense for many viewers. ( Spoiler) What happens to Dr. Ventress near the end of the film when she reaches the lighthouse is the best visual depiction of what is happening to me. The violently luminous death of a simpler, yet surrendered life form creates a wonderful foundation for a much more complex life form to be born. ??✨ Anyway that’s enough rambling for one lifetime. God bless all of you and remember that you are infinitely loved and that you are that Love. I will see y’all on the other side. ?✌️????????

Honestly I just see that I the depth i had is just gone. It is as if my mind has sealed me off from going deeper leaving me handicapped to day to day life. It is so strange because i see that my survival is switched off completely.I notice myself reading and listening to others allot just because this has worked for me before but now i see that this whole new expirience is really unexplainable to people, everyone is saying to me to just rest I might be depressed or something like that but I know for sure that's not it. The fear comes from "what if i can't solve this?". I am peaceful but I don't learn the same and i also don't do anything in the past month. I wonder if i should do a psychodelic trip. Maybe it could get me into a state of actual understanding how did this happen exactly. The suicide thoughts come from "yeah this is incredibly odd and i have never had anything similiar to it and anything i do doesn't seem to change it, might as well end it because if this countinues(the inability to get deeper into thinking and strategizing, inability to explain things , mainly it's my shit way of contributing to "the dream") I want to contribute but without thought how do you figure out anything? This just leaves me looking at a ticking bomb to which i just want to say yeah might as well let it blow now.

I had posted last month but it just got serious. My mom keeps having health complications, and is getting louder and more teary eyed, not in a good way. In the sense, that she is like- Parents have certain expectations of their children, and if you're going to keep me unhappy by not marrying, then I'll suffer and die, and if i get some health complication, I will not get myself treated and just die. Basically, threatening suicide in a non conventional sense. She's unwilling to listen to any other point of view. I'm 27 M. I get the feeling she's trying to control my life. And complains that I don't listen to her. While she herself is unwilling to listen to me. I'm trying to take responsibility here. Will moving out further sour our relationship? I also feel like she doesn't even acknowledge my stance on my own life. And keeps comparing me to what people normally do. I feel like she held me responsible for the emotionally torturious life she'll lead if i don't marry. It's crazy how some people try to control others as their own puppets. Like they don't even acknowledge, forget respecting the independence of another life. Any suggestions?

Why would you want suicide ?

Last month i had this huge realization that we all choose to play a character and we play it. It isn't even chosen we get what is around us from social conditioning and our parents. I became conscious of this but due to that realization I am half of a person now. I feel as though I've dropped my operating system which is hurting me because I can't do anything. And to be honest I don't even know how it happened. I was sitting in meditation and i just focused on the small dots that fade into other dots. I just focused on this everchanging field of view without thinking about anything and then i openned my eyes and all my stories about the world collapsed and now I struggle with normal day to day tasks like explaining an idea to somebody. I was so good at that. This has made me question if I really should countinue on this journey because in 2 years time I have to be living alone by myself and I can't even talk. I WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AT THAT. I've never gotten suicide thoughts but it's pretty often that happens in the last 3 weeks. I haven't meditated in that time thought it could ground me more but holly fuck it's still the same. When I try to sit and contemplate nothing comes to mind absolutely blank.

@julienw It was too dangerous, and too redundant. Also happened soon after a user here committed suicide using spiritual justifications, so that and most people misunderstanding and misinterpreting his video led to it getting taken down.

I think it has to with how our mind is wired. There are a lot of deep things that would make me happier then short term pleasure but my mind is addicted to that shit. And it’s just scary to renounce all earthy things. It’s like commiting suicide.

@Pudgey Okay so lets say I throw away good/evil. Why would my friend's mom have woken up with her religious document that she placed under her pillow, I think a prayer card, torn to shreds? Makes no sense. Or maybe it could have been any document and it would have been torn to shreds? Just weird. Why do exorcisms work? Exorcisms should absolutely not work if religion is bullshit. I haven't taken enough substances or high enough doses to experience those spirit realms in that way. I guess I see another thing. Like, without the potential of turning into a ghost or going to hell, suicide is so much more enticing to the suicidal person. I guess I see religion as a strong barrier to suicide and a strong promoter of love (if one uses it that way). I guess I just want to know why everyone is so keen on rejecting the exploration of religious ideas. Like why is it that we can explore say what a potato tastes like but exploring religious ideas is just absolutely off the table? Like there is something weird about that too. I guess I don't get why preternatural stuff plays games with us. Why is that? Is it just bored or what? What's its purpose? I guess I have had DMT but it was such a small amount. I saw geometric shapes and it was all 3D. I didn't see any entities.

Also, in the non-dual paradigm, if one dies, they may think that their live is over and that is it. In the Jesus paradigm, when one dies, they could become a ghost or go on to Heaven/Hell. I think the Jesus paradigm makes it harder for one to commit suicide because of the ghost/Hell possibility whereas if one thinks it will just be over, they may be more likely to do it. One may be more attuned to being loving in the Jesus paradigm, with the awareness of evil existing and therefore a better eye to tell the difference between love and evil. In the non-dual paradigm, all distinctions are kinda randomly made based on whatever you want and what is relative to you and one may have a problem with being as loving (or having that as a priority) but could still do it (because there could be so many things to choose from to prioritize). Both paradigms may be open to vast curiosity and exploration but the Jesus one may focus more heavily on love whereas the non-dual one may focus more heavily on imagination.

Hello everyone in the actualized.org community I want to talk about the events that is happening right now in my country in Iran and be the voice of my people and bring about some awareness on this issue to the world and this actualized.org community for this could help my country and my people maybe I don't know but I just have to do it These days in Iran the government is killing it's people very brutally and doesn't eve bother to take the responsibility of killing even one person and everyone that they kill they would create a bullshit backup story about them committing suicide or some other bullshit to clean their hands and it's funny that some idiots in the same country believe these bullshit stories from the government they are basically slaves of the dictator government and believe whatever the government is telling them Although these slave believers are less than the protestors and the young generation of people who are being killed for protesting against the government but still there are some of them still in Iran who believe blindly whatever the dictator government is feeding their stupid minds and some of them also participate in killing the protestors for the government Our people are protesting for their basic rights as human beings for choosing what to wear themselves not the government telling them what they should be wearing and making a law out of it and even having a morality police to demand the women to wear as they say they should I mean this is preposterous in the 21st century and in this world that we're living today for this idiot religious dictators to tell everybody to do as they say they should do and if not then kill them I mean it's absolutely ridiculous we were living under this absurd religious since we were born but they're now killing everybody who opposes them and this can't go on like this I'm not even mentioning the big big economical problems that Iran is facing with the crazy inflation rate that's making living in this country so fucking difficult for all of our people I hope this brings about some awareness to the world I really hope I can be of some help even if it's very very little to my people Thank you for your time Peace✌?❤️

Beautiful list But every time I read God-Realization epiphanies like that, I think of rape, torture, mental dispair, suicide, dying a long and painful death, etc. These things should be part of absolute goodness too. If so, is it impossible to get god-realized, if you have an aversion to these painful things?

This is a concerning and complicated issue. There are several factors which indirectly link to gun violence. One important factor is brain damage. Some people want to shoot up a school because of this. When their brain damage is healed, they lose the desire to shoot dozens of children. Brain damage can be caused by the food we eat. A lot of the foods we eat do not the EPA and FDA safety guidelines because there is too much money on the line for massive food and water corporations and they can get away with it. Baby food can cause brain damage when linked with arsenic and lead. To make matters worse, the safety guidelines are severely outdated because there are carcinogens in Europe that are outlawed, but still legal I America. America is giving its citizens brain damage out of corporate greed and poor science in heavy metals. Maybe depression is a factor. When people feel they have nothing to live for they usually kill themselves, but sometimes they externalize these suicidal tendencies and take it out on others. Helping people to find meaning in their lives might prevent them from doing these horrible things. Of course there are many other factors in depression, but psychedelics are useful in curing depression. A lot fewer people would act in these ways if they were more loving and compassionate. Maybe psychedelics are so life transforming that it could prevent someone from becoming a school shooter. Another suggestion I have is online courses. Although not everybody has to take online courses, it can reduce the classroom sizes and disperse the target. The reason people attack schools is because there are a lot of people. If some students are better learners online rather than in a classroom because of abnormal social behaviors for instance, then fewer people would die in school shootings. Likewise, increasing the quantity of public schools would help classrooms to be less crowded. Instead of having 30 kids, they could have 20 or 10 kids. This would make evacuation during any emergency more efficient and fewer kids would die. Economic inequity often makes people give up on life. It could be student loans, stagnating wages, expensive medical care, unable to afford a house, a miserable dead end job, and many other factors. A lot of limiting beliefs come from money and a lot of society's problems could be solved through the combination of education and equalizing income and creating material abundance. Raising the age for owning firearms has been discussed recently. Background checks for people under 21 are important because their brains are less developed and it might make them more impulsive to the point of committing suicide or worse be a mass shooter. Alcoholism and other drug addictions can cause brain damage. Treating drug addicts rather than punishing then can solve a lot of behavioral problems. Most of the people who shoot up schools are crazy people with brain damage. If so many Americans are drug addicts, then no wonder they act insane. Maybe the ibogaine treatment can help alcohol and heroin addicts. Psychedelics also have anti addictive properties and legalizing them could help make the drugs less profitable for drug trafficking. For example, marijuana is smuggled across the border because it is easy to grow in Mexico and drug traffickers become less optimistic about their actions when it is legalized in America, giving doctors more control over the drug. It could work for other drugs as well. This also solves the issue of border security by the way. I'm sure there are many other solutions to gun violence other than these suggestions, but this is a few of them. By the way, there is a lot of talk about banning ar-15s. This could make the issue worse because there are less popular guns which are actually more powerful. If these guns become more popular than more people would die, not to mention how many guns are purchased illegally.

Interesting story from a guy, called Cornelius Christopher who was suicidal and eventually became awakened instead. He experienced a phenomenon physicists call a quantum superposition meaning two or more conflicted states / alternative realities existing at the exact same time and in the same space. There he observed his suicide from the past, present, and future, including the now moment. He discovered that there is no such thing as death as we know it when we physically die; only consciousness exists before it collapses into one of those realities. In his autobiography, Cornelius describes he had received many extraordinary gifts, including pure consciousness where he has no inner voice, chatter and no ego. he experiences pure silence all the time with no self-doubt and or ability to judge.

I think you shouldn't commit suicide, you have to keep trying. But having said that, I think that not committing suicide in case this has consequences in reincarnations, is a meaningless story. If you kill yourself, it's because you were here to kill yourself. but since we are here, let's accept the challenge. the challenge is to be present and absolutely happy in a hospital with terminal cancer, in a nursing home, in a Nazi death camp. Let's try to play the game, it is exciting and it is possible to finish it successfully, and if it doesn't happen, we are trying. Suicide is cowardly. you have to keep playing. But if you're not going to play and you're going to be complaining, it seems better to opt for suicide

Yes. Before you drink water, you think. It's interfaced with basically all your actions. The quality and efficiency of a lot of your actions are linked to how you think. Someone who thinks that suicide bombing is gonna send him into heaven is gonna go do that. Thinking is serious stuff.

Contemplating death and suicide with curiosity can actually be incredibly life transforming/affirming... Pros could be: You would then know what it was like to experience death (though you are also able to have this experience while alive, so killing yourself is unnecessary) The past would be gone, there would be no need to worry about the future, you would be elevated of all caring, for there would be no you to care. Your family, friends, all ideas of the world, ideas of Karma or Jesus, who you are, all attachments... gone. Taking off the identity (ego) you are manufacturing/maintaining. You can reach/practice this state while "alive" (if you so choose to lable yourself as such) so again suicide is unnessesary.... (Death)..." slices through every lie, ridicules every belief, mocks every vanity and reduces ego to absurdity. He is sitting with you right now. If you want to know something, ask him. Death doesn't lie." -Jed McKenna Also maybe you aren't afraid of dying, but are terrified to actually LIVE. Life works in mysterious ways, you never know what's going to happen, who you'll meet, what serendipity will come your way... The curiosity keeps me here. "Good", "bad" whatever you want to lable this moment, and even though it may be absolutely meaningless... holy cow, it's a fucking miracle. Great entertainment for conciousness. Sending you all the love and the biggest hug. Take care

@Jake Chambers Hey I was just reflecting on your question and personally, I think that people can actually become attached and addicted to fame and the feelings fame evokes in them once they experience it. I think we could also consider that perhaps Kanye was a totally different person before he acquired his fame. He could've behaved much differently then. He could've been the sweetest, most humble, quiet, & selfless guy you'd ever meet and it was the fame itself that messed him up and altered his behavior and his attitude. Fame does change a person. And I think it can quite drastically. So to answer your question, his narcissistic personality traits could be inherited, I don't know his personal genetic background, but they could also be developed and learned. And achieving fame is one of the easiest and fastest ways to mold & shape a personality into one which is more egocentric, superficial, & vain. (It's like a trap and it can become very miserable and crippling for some celebrities/artists who are more spiritually/emotionally aware and in tune, who are wanting more in life than to have eyes all over them.) Once a person receives such extreme levels of admiration and attention, this can act like a drug, and some can actually become addicted which can heighten their greed and also paradoxically, increase their lack of satisfaction & true sense of fulfillment in life. This is why we see fame driving many individuals to sickness, and to disturbing degrees of self-destruction, including suicide. This proves that not even living like kings & queens or honorary heroes/idols can ensure happiness, positive well-being, and sense of fulfillment & life satisfaction.

I need to get some thoughts and feelings off my chest. Recently I've been regularly having suicidal thoughts. They are not serious and I'm not planning anything but I'm just so tired. Why does everything have to be so difficult? By that I mean, I feel like my mind is constantly working to my detriment. I'm so fucking done with this shit. Sometimes I really see no way out. Today during a walk I sat on a bench and the moment I became a bit more conscious and looked at my thoughts and emotional state I just cried. "How can I be doing this to myself...?" You might notice that I cry pretty often. Yes, that is the case. Sometimes I cry from sadness, from powerlessness, from overwhelm. Other times I cry tears of joy and love. I'm pretty emotional. I feel like a rollercoaster, I can't find stability. Emotions are one of my favourite things in life but too often I just can't deal with them well. I mean I'm blocking myself from feeling so often. This especially happens when I'm at my lowest, like right now. Two weeks ago I realized Aloneness, Love for the first time. I also engaged in a dialogue with God. Two weeks later - I managed to almost completely numb myself and kill this voice inside me. By this I mean that I cut myself off - God is of course still there, probably waiting with pure love and acceptance. But I'm too afraid to leave the dark. SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS NORMAL. For fucks sake. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE AREN'T INTERESTED IN THIS SHIT! Fucking good for them! Their minds are doing a great job of protecting them and they seem to be cooperating unlike me and myself! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This God damn awakening bullshit. FUCK! I hate that everything has to be so difficult. I fucking HATE IT! I can't change for shit! Can't motivate myself to work hard, can't motivate myself to catch up on studying which I've neglected, can't muster up the strength to quit my numbing and destructive habits. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this. I hate this. I hate this! Why, God? You fucking asshole... Maybe You can accept anything, but I can't. Dialogue with God my ass. Deluded idiot. That's exactly what I do. It's freeing to know that I do have the choice to commit suicide if I want. There is always an escape hatch. Of course it's gonna take much before I use it but like... ultimately nothing matters. I can do whatever I want. God (AKA me) will completely understand. Today I thought about it and when a person feels completely powerless and broken, the decision to commit suicide is actually an act of courage, a regaining of the power. Not that I'm that person but still. It takes true courage to kill yourself, really. It's almost admirable. Note: don't take my ramblings about suicide seriously. And don't do it. Even though there's nothing wrong with it, it's still not the right choice. Ehh. Really tho, don't take this seriously. I'm still gonna post it cuz I wanna vent but like REALLY. Don't kill yourself. Another thing I've been thinking about recently: you know what's scarier than the thought of death? The thought of living for infinity. And the horrors you'll gonna go through. To me that's scarier. I feel like it's my duty to accept that. It's part of my spiritual journey. Being willing to live through anything... man. I salute to those who are. Ehhhhh. There is much sadness and anger in me. And I feel like I'm at my lowest. I smile at the idea of a better tomorrow. I think of all the people that sigh with tiredness but still work towards that thing they want or look forward towards that brighter future. Humans with their visions, aspirations and desires. It's inspiring and pitiful at the same time. Little finite children. Goes without saying that I too am this little foolish child. ... Well. I hope better things are on their way.

This is for anyone nearing rock bottom, coming from someone who has been there. Let's start with why you think that suicide is a valid option. If you are like me, you are just fed up with life. Nothing ever really makes sense, everything seems to be going wrong, and there seems to be no reason to keep living in this nightmare. Why on earth would "God" put us here just to suffer? There probably isn't even a God or anything else out there. How could there be one when the world seems so bleak and pointless? So you think, why not just end this life? Why not just take what others may consider to be the easy way out, even though it is actually the hardest decision you have ever faced in your life. Why not put an end to all this never-ending pain and suffering, why not take my poor heart out of its misery? Because you know deep down that won't end the pain and suffering, it will just create more. Maybe not for you, if you succeed in leaving this planet. And that’s a big if - but we will get back to that point. Let's start with the suffering that your voluntary end will bring to others. For me, it started with thinking about the puppy I had. If I were to finish the bottle of pills in my hand, who would care for him? How long would it take someone to even find me? Would he survive until then? My parents had enough going on, they wouldn't be able to take care of him. My parents…this would break my mother's heart…my siblings, they are too young to handle this…. So start by thinking about friends, family, pets, co-workers, teachers, therapists, your favorite barista, literally any being that may be impacted by your death. That should be enough to at least make you second-guess yourself. What if you think that there isn't a single person out there that will care if you are gone? What if you think that nobody would notice, or even that the world would be better off without you? What if you are all alone? Then you will be the one to suffer the most. You're telling me that you have made it this far all on your own? If so, that is amazing. It is amazing that you have managed to survive in this world without anyone having your back. It is amazing that you have been able to survive this long. This means that you are strong, even if you haven't realized your own strength. Your mind and body have been through so much just to get you to this point. And you are going to repay it by "putting it out of its misery"? If it was truly in misery and unable to carry on, your heart would have already stopped. The fact that your heart is still beating means that your body is still fighting for survival. It is your mind that has given up, it is your mind that you are trying to put out of its misery. You are tired of all the negative thoughts. Negative thoughts about the past, negative thoughts about the future. But realize that they are only thoughts. And the notion that suicide will end suffering is also just another thought. Do you know that for sure? Do you know that killing yourself will kill your soul, your entire being, and take away all of the suffering? Are you sure you won't be reincarnated, sent to hell, or something else? How do you know? You don't. Not if you are being honest with yourself. You just believe it will. Belief is a powerful thing. It is belief that got you in this predicament in the first place. Your belief that life isn't worth living, that things will not get better, and that suicide is the way to resolve your situation. It is all belief. To put it in a way that you don't want to hear: it is all in your head. Man, had someone told me it was all in my head, I would have had some unkind words to send their way. What do they mean it's all in my head? Do they think that I am just making up all of this very real pain and suffering? Yes. Because whether you like it or not, you are. Thoughts are a powerful thing, they shape our entire reality. Everything you've ever experienced has been registered as a thought. So when these thoughts tell you that your life sucks, it truly seems like it does. And no one will ever be able to convince you otherwise. No one can force you to change your mind. That is something that you must do yourself. So I am not here to change your mind, because I can't. All I can do is tell you how I changed mine, and perhaps encourage you to try doing the same. I started by coming to terms with the fact that all of the suffering in my life was caused by me. I took 100% responsibility for the choices that led me to this point in my life. No more blaming the boyfriend with the anger issues, I decided to date him in the first place. No more blaming the back-stabbing friends, I chose to associate with them in the first place. No more blaming the president for trying to deport me, I chose to stay in this country. No more blaming the guy that tried forcing himself on me, I agreed to go out with him. No more blaming my parents for not being loving enough, I chose to associate my self-worth with their praise and attention. No more blaming anything or anyone, because every bad situation I have been in has been co-created by me. Even though I am responsible for all of this, I don't blame myself. I'm only human, I'm bound to make mistakes. I must forgive myself and learn from my mistakes. It has taken years to forgive myself, mostly because I didn't realize how much I was still blaming myself for my attempt. It has been a secret I have carried for way too long. I'm done being ashamed about it. I may not have much control over what life throws my way, but I have full control over how I react. It has taken a while for me to regain control over my emotions, and I still struggle with them when things don't go as expected. But I am working on taming them. Not by whipping them into place, but by acknowledging them, forgiving them, and learning from them. I don't neglect my feelings or pretend that they aren’t there. Instead, I realize when they arise, and I ask myself why. Why I am upset, frustrated, sad, annoyed, etc.? I find what is stressing me out and making me reactive, then I evaluate if it is worth being upset over. It is usually not. So then I let it go. This notion of letting things go is what has truly saved me. If you'd like to know more about it, Buddhism does a great job of explaining it. I have no way of truly doing it justice, so I recommend finding books or YouTube videos on it, there are dozens out there. So I take a deep breath, fill my lungs and body with all the negative feelings, and then slowly breathe them all out. I let the negativity leave my body without judging it. I'm not upset at myself for being emotional, it's just part of who I am. I just redirect my emotions. I have chosen to stop thinking bad things about the future and to let the past go. Whether something happened 15 years ago or 15 minutes ago, it is in the past and I won't dwell on it. As far as the future goes, I am not psychic. Whenever I have planned for bad situations in my head, they never have occurred. Life is too unpredictable, I have no idea what tomorrow will hold. So why waste the present moment living in what has already passed, or on what will probably never happen? This is another thing Buddhism has greatly explained, the power of living in the present moment. Of being mindful of what is happening right now, giving this moment all of your attention. Don't live in the past, don't live in the future, live in the now. In addition to no more negative thinking, I have also chosen to focus on the good things. When someone asks me how my day was, I won’t complain even if it wasn't that great. Instead, I share with them something good. Maybe it was a pretty tree I saw this morning, a funny comment someone made, or just something that made me smile. Sounds cheesy and way too optimistic, but you have to fake it till you make it. Try talking positively about things, and eventually, you'll start thinking positively as well. Keep a journal where you write things that make your day a little better, and you'll start to notice those things more often. Chose to focus on the good things life has to offer. Especially the little things, like how the sun feels on your skin, or a nice breeze on a hot day. When something seemingly bad seems to happen, challenge yourself to see it as something good. Theorize about ways in which the situation isn't as bad as it seems. After all, whether a situation is good or bad is up to you. It is all relative, and who knows how it will play out. If you have read this far, that means there is still hope for you. It means you are looking for a sign not to follow through with your plan. Consider this to be that sign. I'll leave you with this: https://www.birchcove.co/insights/good-bad-who-knows You might think the future isn't great, but who knows? Stick around long enough to find out. Edit: in case you're curious about Buddhism, here is one of my favorite talks

My story: My spiritual journey began at the age of 20 when I had a 3 month episode of severe mental illness. Every moment was a struggle. I tried therapy and medication. In the brink of utter hopelessness I had a monumental epiphany which revealed the existence of the spiritual path, meditation, consciousness, and the hope for a better future. I spent the next 6 years on a spiritual mission. I became deeply engrossed in the spiritual process. Hours of meditation, solo retreats, psychedelics, classic personal development, etc. I was on a completely different plane of existence as everyone else and I was happy as ever. I was making rapid progress. I went to Costa Rica and met an enlightened shaman who told me I was one of 10,000 people who would awaken the world. Of course this fed my ego a bit but also gave me a sense of purpose to stay on the path. I never forgot the episode of mental illness I had that started this whole thing. I come from a family history of bipolar and clinical depression. I have no doubt that I have one these. But it seemed as though somehow I was funneling that vulnerability into massive spiritual progress. I would go through my mind and try to think of situations that could possibly trigger me back down and I couldn’t. I had multiple awakenings and deeply fulfilling experiences. I felt like I was living a blessed life. By the end of those 6 years I felt like I truly had detached from everything. But I was wrong. In the spring this year I received an offer for a dream job. Let me start off by saying that my career as an Engineer was never my passion. It has always been a means to an end. However, I learned to enjoy most aspects of it. I saw a job as a necessary minor evil that I had to work around just like everyone else. I was at peace with that. I got a rare offer for a stress free job with the DOT, one that would give me lots of flexibility, freedom, meeting new people, working from home, etc.. it was basically a stress free job that could allow me to focus more on other things and maintain a healthy balanced life. Concurrently, my current company was in the midst of placing me on a new project, another supposedly good opportunity. This one involved being able to work on my own. There was less flexibility and I couldn’t work from home, but I believed this would make me more disciplined. My intuition told me to go with the first opportunity even though I believed it might make me “lazy” or have less “spiritual progress.” I put in my 2 week and felt an excitement that put me on top of the world. I should have stuck with that intuition. But instead I quit the new job a week in and went back to my old job. I made a knee jerk reaction. I realized later that any new job, no matter how good it is, won’t be exactly how you imagine it to be, especially at first. I had made a mistake I couldn’t reverse. It took about two days before I became conscious of my mistake. It hit me like a ton of bricks and then a continuous descent down a cliff. I became flooded with a hellish state of dread and regret. For weeks I fought moment after moment to be present. I kept telling myself that there was a reason for this pain, that in order to fulfill my destiny of awakening the world, I needed to get through this. During those times I had beautiful awakening experiences. But mostly it was hell. When it was time to go back to my old job, I continued to stay as present as possible. Fortunately, they didn’t have much for me to do at first, so I sat in my car and continued the fight. When it was time to do tasks I still stayed present. But life happened. Eventually I got emotionally crushed because it was impossible for me to simultaneously handle all the negative emotions and life itself. I started taking an anti depressant called Zoloft. It went against all my spiritual beliefs, but at that point nothing mattered. The medication takes about 3 weeks to start working. In the meantime I continued to cycle between extreme low and high consciousness states. It all pinnacled in multiple near suicide attempts. When my parents saw the rope burn around my neck they called my psychiatrist who ordered me to go to the hospital. There’s a lot I could say about my 3 weeks in a mental hospital. I’ll start with the cons. I had to eat garbage food. Institutional food. Little to know greens. Just what you’d expect. I had little to no outdoor time. Fifteen minutes a day inside a cage. That’s all I got. Now here’s the pros. There’s a lot of camaraderie. Everyone there is struggling through something and it really helps to have that sense of constant social connection. It’s like being back in college. There’s also doctors and therapists who come around and ask how your doing, which is nourishing. All in all, I think there’s a lot we can do to improve our mental hospitals. I think we could save a lot of people who would otherwise be crushed. There were people there with high potential if they were only supported properly. While I was in there they put me on another medication. It was an anti psychotic called Olanzapine. This drug is very powerful. It essentially rid me of my overwhelming negative emotions. My mind finally had a sense of control. I’m very grateful for it because it has probably saved my life. It’s also very humbling to admit I need these drugs, but I’ve come to realize what they are: tools. Some people say anti depressants and anti psychotics are like taking insulin. The difference is you can’t consciously control your insulin levels, but you can learn to consciously control your mind. Except when you can’t. Because maybe your mind is running way out of control. That’s when these meds can be of great value. With the help of the meds and the social connection, I left the hospital in a better place. I’ve come to realize where I’m at right now. I know that I have a lot of inner work to do before I can even think about go off the meds, doing psychedelics, retreats, fasting, solitude, or any of the things that I used to be able to do. I’m gonna keep going because what else is there to do. I hope to one day look back and be grateful for this time in my life. I have since taken a step back from watching Leo’s content because it makes me sad. But hopefully one day I can get back there too. I believe there is a reason and an unfolding, to be revealed to those who never give up. Please feel free to post any thoughts or questions.

i mean honestly I dont blame you man, we play these games and to what end, you make up the rules but the apparent ego is powerless, and then we are supposed to enjoy it, i mean dont get me wrong there is a beautiful balance to life, but doesnt mean i have to/like/love all the terrible shit and the only way out is a psychedelic? or meditating for a bagillion hours? or a horrificly painful suicide, seems like im a shit designer.

Not bad, I see some of your points. I agree with Leo's personality being kind of rough around the edges and it has not improved. Even I have worked on my own personality over the years and don't see him doing this, in fact - I find it odd as I grow, I seem to soften up a bit, or at least am making the effort to because my awakenings have lead me to the conclusion that moving energy "up" is a worthwhile thing - for myself and others and so I feel more mindful about negativity. I think it will take one to two years to fully embody, but I have noticed my aggression, my need to be right, to argue has been going down as I move closer to what I consider to be my "death", I want to be emotionally decent before I go. When you look death in the face, you realize how unimportant some things are and what you miss out on - things like this. When I see Leo's arrogance, this tells me he has not really faced these things, as when you do - it softens you. You realize that you're not some "super special gift" to the world or that people need to be a certain way, or even that the world needs to be a certain way - but that everything unravels for a reason... I guess... even me writing then, the onus on me is to accept all of it completely... but I feel like I could get through somehow. Leo, sometimes your attitude is really off the mark, when it comes to empathy and understanding people and relating to them. Like, your image on your instagram of some woman's fluids on your jeans... just... why? You know? You tout yourself as a high quality guy but you're doing weird stuff like this, you sometimes treat your forum audience with what almost feels to be contempt at times. Another thing is that you have these awakenings, and these are things that I started off with - much of them, and have been holding onto in the face of being told they are wrong, only to see other people come to similar conclusions. Like... these people follow you and their mainstream spirituality like... mindlessly. A lot really do, and it is unsettling because then they take their ignorance and try to mold my own work into it and I can guarantee that a lot of people have not gone as deep in certain subsets of this than I have. And then you come out with some flippant new awakening and suddenly everyone is now "open" to this. It just makes me realize how you really have to hold on tightly to your internal compass with these things, because even so called truth seekers will try to corrupt it if they can. As far as mental illness goes - there is a lot of ablism on this forum. In spirituality in general, so I don't agree with your sentiments there. The fact is a lot of people have mental illness. If you don't have it you won't understand how linked the two are. Like peanut butter and jelly. I feel protective for people who struggle with their mental health, as someone who is afflicted as well, and I don't think someone should be removed just for being different. If it is clear that they struggle with something and are actively showing symptoms, reaching out to them could be of benefit but "culling" members based on something they have no control over isn't right. People with mental issues should be protected and loved. I also feel odd about Leo's newfound discovery of "insanity" because I don't think just one night in the trenches really can give you an accurate understanding of what it is like to not be neurotypical. I think - he just needs to take more care - perhaps of himself first... A good rule of thumb is that if you're doing your practice right - no matter which road you take, it should be leading you towards resolution, completion within yourself, acceptance, and Love - and these are things that should ideally be able to replicate in the real world. Not just talk about them, but make those active changes to the personality. My instincts tell me that something is not right. Something feels manic... or not fully digested. All over the place. I have a good eye for that stuff. He'll fluff it off, but I think that maybe humility might be his best bet. Be humble enough to reach out if you get stuck. Be humble enough to know that in the grand scheme of things, you're one in billions. I work with strong energies and learn a lot about the spiritual planes - authentically - and this is due to not allowing my ego to get in the way. I know my place, so to speak. I have a job to do, I am not some special person. It's just like being a plumber or an electrician. When you take this route into spirituality, this will keep you level. You can also get shut out of some very miraculous experiences if you are prideful. There are things within our reality that require selflessness to access, and if you get too hot headed, you'll just be removed from it completely. I would like to see him finally meet a genuine spirit from the other side. Not one that he turns into himself, but something with its own agency that comes to him with its brand of knowledge. He would see how little control a human has over things, and that it isn't him who is a teacher of the ages, but the shamans who get their information directly from these true teachers that have lucked out. A spirit, an entity, can really get into the psychology and soul of a human being - it knows just what to say, what to show you, when and where and why - and it will unravel for you in a way that is tailored to your unique psychology. A teacher - much less a human - can't do this. But most people are shut out from this as they are told such things don't even exist. Now that I have gotten a critique out of the way, I must say - I love Leo. I want him to be the best person that he can be and I don't write this with any ill will or malice or anything like that. It's just that if some of your high level awakenings are literally the very first thing that I encountered. If you get into paranormal things, into anything in such a way, you need to make sure you are as humble as you can be. If you are working with beings, they will move you away from arrogance and suicide and into love and self acceptance. If you're moving in the opposite direction, I would look into why this is happening. Maybe try reaching out to see if you can find yourself a spirit guide on the other side?