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About MarkKol

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  • Birthday 10/28/2003

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  1. - This is my 3/4th time doing shamanic breathwork Today I revisited shamanic breathing for a couple of reasons (I'll get into that later) Physical effects we're the same: Vibrating skin, contracted eyes and mouth (that's the best I can describe it, It's a physical reaction similar to biting into a lemon, only without the sour taste), after a while my whole body was tingling, this is the order in which it spread: Teeth->Eyes->Cheeks->Upper part of the skull, it also started in the fingers and worked it's way up my arms, later on it started in the toes and worked its up to my balls which felt... weird. But not discouraging. I felt really thirsty and hungry after, even though I ate and hydrated before I did it. What lead me to do it today I didn't really have a goal going into this one, I've been looking into making psychedelics since Vacation is near (perfect time to do it) I saw news about a youtuber who I used to watch as a kid, Dead at 23 years old - Cancer. I was perplexed, couldn't believe my eyes... It reminded me of something. We're always so close to death, death is here, death is now. these frail bodies of ours won't last forever. a quote (by Steve Jobs) popped into my mind "You are already naked, there is no reason not to follow your heart". I'm naked, aka I don't have anything. Nothing is mine. Because life is rented to me by the universe. I am a real estate tenant and the universe is my landlord. I have the freedom to do anything I want and exit (die) through the same door when I'm done. ^ That ultimately let me to doing it again The aftermath Even though the trigger to doing this again was Death, I didn't think about death while doing it. Every time I did it, shamanic breathing always gave me a confidence boost for a little while. First, my bad memories surfaced up (as they usually do with breathwork) but its always a different topic, this time It was about self-doubt, I realized how I was lowkey doubting myself all the time, I realized that I am unlimited and that I am creativity, it wasn't nonduality but.. It was saying that I can, as an ego. I can be happy, I can be independent, I can run a business, I can live a purposeful life, I can have friends and I can have a girlfriend. the whole thing was centered around healing this doubt within me, saying that I can't have a great life. It made me aware of the stupid pressure my family was putting on me, If you want to have a great life you will need to work on everything, right now I am career focused and I'm leaving all the relationship stuff for later, that is my choice. I'm now aware that I (as well as everyone else) will have to put significant time into these important areas, and one way to do that Is to focus on one at a time. My friends choose to Party first and then (hopefully) work on their careers, that's their choice. they choose Immature relationships to build up experience first. and that's fine. My last "trip" was a lot more emotional, It centered around abuse. I actually cried during that "trip". an ongoing pattern here is that my mind always picks a topic for me and then brings up memories related to that topic. And that's shamanic breathing for you
  2. @Average Investor Noted, You don't use shampoo at all? They all have the same effect
  3. Somebody get Scandinavian politicians over to America, they're about to die over there Why is US always so fucked, People like Trump are border-line modern Nazis (joke)
  4. I'm looking for alternatives to shampoo and shaving cream (which probably means that I'd have to ditch razers too) because I'm having weird reactions to those products, it's mostly itchy eyes but also blurry spots in my eyes, extremely dry skin all around and overall much worse mood during the day of use and or the day after. 1. I need a way to get rid of dandruffs/flakes without shampoo, because I'm having these reactions I grew up hating shampoo products. So I don't shower often, maybe once every few weeks or when I'm especially dirty from mowing the lawn. My day always gets completely ruined because of this shit, so I'm done with it 2 . I'm considering using knives to shave, but I haven't done any research yet. Back when I was a kid I knew a guy who shaved only with knives so I know it's possible. That's where I got the idea from I realized that I'm constantly having negative reactions to modern shit, I was and still am convinced that the healthiest way to live is to live like a hunter gatherer from 20 thousand years ago, no chemicals, no fancy modern food, no shampoo, no shaving cream. Everything that's unhealthy was invented in the last few decades maybe a century. And the only reason why they lived less than us is because they didn't have modern medicine, but they were actually healthier than us in a lot of ways. I tried everything from head & shoulders to old spice and nothing seems to work, everything has the same negative effect. So in summary 1. I need a cheap way to get rid of dandruffs/flakes without using shampoo 2. a way to shave without the use of shaving cream or shaving gel (tried it)
  5. Interesting Looks like you are 0.035% german
  6. As a guy, I've very excited to try this. So who did you first sleep with? with a psychedelic
  7. Where did he say that? link?
  8. Serial killer in disguise ?
  9. living in America is sort of irrational. If your only goal in life was to survive, America would be at the bottom of your list. But it's still a great country, probably the most social country I've seen.
  10. Judging by her looks his spirit didn't come from hell, It came from a manga This is just too Satanic
  11. Today I felt like letting all of this out I'm usually never depressed, in fact I beat depression years ago and haven't felt that bad ever since, normal things like woman, death of loved ones and addiction don't usually effect me as much as they do others. As a kid I didn't give two f*cks about my congnitive abilities and over all function, but now I do. I drown my self in sadness, guilt and shame when I make a mistake, especially if it's a mistake I recently made twice or more times. I Hate being dumb and I look up to characters and people who are extremely smart. I love watching FBI investigations and their insane deductions. I find it hard to be confident in my knowledge and facts even when they are extremely obvious things that I can clearly remember. If I saw a red car outside of my house and you come in asking "hey who's yellow car is that" you'd make me question my existence no problem. It gets even worse when others notice my stupidity and call me up on it. In school I was viewed as the stupidest kid, which is probably what caused my insecurity in the first place, and I wasn't just dumb socially I was dumb on paper, I'd have easier tests than others because my teachers tought that I wasn't as capable as others, I also remember my mom taking me to various speech and conginitve testing institutions as kid, you know those IQ tests that peope usually do online for fun? Yeah I had to do those... but not for fun... it would literally be stuff like... "okay Marko can you build a pyramid shape out of these blocks?" And I'd just look at the examiner with perplexion thinking- "wow... that's what she asked me? they actually think that I'm this stupid" I don't know how and where people get tested for autism, but I'd like to try. In those testing intuitions I was sitting next to obviously disabled children. I never thought about it much, but now as an adult it's coming back to me. I want better memory, better attention, better concentration/focus, more mastery of a specific field to the level where I can lecture others, more money (although not a priority just a basic survival need), and most importantly more creativity, independence and a happier life than everyone else. Of course I'm only stupid compared to other people, I'm smarter than a monkey and that's probably why I'll have a better life than a monkey, I want to have a better life than most humans as well. People like Jordan Peterson claiming that IQ is strongly related to success and jobs really aren't helping, but I guess he's speaking the truth. Even though it's painfull for me to admit it. It's the fucking academics man, they want me dead. If I can just be 10x more creative than everyone else, I wouldn't mind being dumber (as much). When I think "genius" I think "creativity" not "IQ" although it's hard to measure creativity and it's hard to realize when you're actually being creative. From my experience most creative people are crazy, I don't listen to his music but kanye west is a good example. Its a silly goal but if you've seen death note (the series) you'd know of characters L, Light and Near. That's how smart I want to be ? top notch FBI investigator level smart. I usually write stuff like this all the time and delete it without posting because I don't see a point in asking or admitting something like this, but I'll force myself to post this one. Whatever becomes of this thread, it doesnt matter. All I know is that... I think I'm dumb and I want to be smarter. Fourtenetly I'm not ashamed of asking people questions and seeking help, I guess thats something. Sorry for the typos. I won't be reviewing this as I usually do, it's making me feel sick. EDIT: I feel better after writing this, made me take my mind off things
  12. @Danioover9000 How real does she seem 0-10, 0 as a dreamy figure standing in the distance, 10 as in a solid figure speaking and sitting next to you
  13. @Michael569 Yeah 1800-2200 should do the job I'd say