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About luqqzr

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  1. That's it! The thing still is that I'm not sure if I "need" a girl, I've heard very often that you can find real love only from yourself, you have to look inwards blah blah. As if you just had to meditate and those needs would be gone. Well, for some people this may have worked, I guess here we are back again with the ego transcendence or let's say spiritual stuff etc. Because I have this in my mind, I'm thinking that I am wasting my time with searching for love in women. I "should" get it from myself only. But I'm not ready for ego transcendence as well and all these thoughts are fucking with my mind. I can't trust myself here, as I said, lost and confused hits the nail, I don't know what's right for me and unfortunately I have never known, so I can't even say what has ever been right at least once. Before I transcend the ego, I want to be in peace with it. My whole life I've been in war with the ego and I still am.
  2. Lost and confused hits the nail. The rest, yeah funny but it killed my confidence just more. Still thankful though that you're trying to help me. Will never take it for granted.
  3. @Zak Yep that's what I was doing the last few years. Self improvement and nothing else. Some things got much better, some not. This "women" issue is just one of not too many issues that are still left, but it's like the only issue that I feel I can not control, where I feel like a god damn two year old baby and I can't help it.
  4. @mandyjw creative/work life sucks big time, well work life, from other points of view is great, I can finish all the tasks I am given, but yeah I am bored, and I can't do more work because it's too much. So basically I'm bored and stressed and the same time. I like what I'm doing but somehow I don't. Not really sure what to think of my work life. In my private life I have nothing to do with creativity. The only passion that I have is sports and that only because the progress is visible, I can go over my limits pretty easily and I like doing so. And I've been doing it for a long time already, so I'm pretty good at it. For example at football I quite often am the best in our teams, it gives me some kind of attention/love that I crave. I love having the whole team on my back to bring them to victory. But yeah, I have massive back problems so Gym/Football is not what it used to be. I'm trying to recover but it's extremely difficult. Please don't tell me to do the life purpose course, I tried it, wasn't able to finish it and for now I'm trying to find other ways to get me to some kind of passion or I don't know. My ONLY goal is to not get bombarded with thoughts over women every second every day. I don't want to conversate about meditating as well, I used to meditate a lot and now I'm trying again, every two days for like 10 minutes is the best I can do currently and that's alright for me.
  5. @Zak I know that ONE healthy relationship would fix everything for now, but I still feel like it would be a distraction from something else. And I can't find out what that shit is. And somehow I can't seem to attract girlfriend material, my environment involves basically no women at my age that are attractive. Only for let's say a friendship with benefits. It feels like no girl in my area fits to my personality. And even when I find one, she doesn't want me. I'm not sure if I behave differently than I would normally do in those situations. Everywhere I go, I feel like the completely different guy. The one that is outstanding, but somehow in a bad way.
  6. @kagaria It doesn't feel like everything is relatively okay, it just feels fucking awful. Ego transcendence is nothing that I am trying to achieve right now, maybe in a few years but not now. I'm still trying to work out how I can be more confident with women, but then again I'm judging myself that I am too dependent on them. It's just a huge dilemma. I don't know what would be better to do in my position, and even if I knew that I had to approach more women, I wouldn't be able to because of my shitty anxiety. I don't know where this anxiety is coming from and how to overcome it, what is blocking me so hard from doing what has to be done. It really feels like it's one big thing that is blocking my whole life and it's just one wall that has to be broken.
  7. @Zak Yeah it's true, I've got many male friends but I'm like tired of hanging out with male people, I just feel that I'm missing too much female input in my life, if you know what I mean.
  8. Hey, I'm psychologically addicted to women, and I've been that since my early teenage years (I'm 22 now). Pretty often I think about suicide but I am never going to do it because there are a few people that do really love me, and I love them. Nights are most awful for me, I feel extremely lonely and through the days it doesn't look much better than that. I only feel alive and FULL of energy when I am around attractive women. Basically, my whole life and mood depends on my relation to women at the particular time. If I had great relations to women throughout the whole time, my life would've been great, but unfortunately that was not really the case. It frustrates me, makes me really angry that everything depends on women, and that it has never been different... only before the teenage years.
  9. Heyo, I've got too little motivation to motivate myself for different stuff in life, for example with continuing the life purpose course. About half a year ago I was able to get pretty far with the course but then some kind of ego backlash happened, I was too perfectionistic because the topics got "too deep" for me and suddenly I stopped continuing the course. This is probably common issue but I'd like know how can get this motivation problem solved. As I've seen in my life so far, I can be at my best when I have time pressure. It's crazy what I can achieve in the last few let's say "minutes". About two weeks ago I began with the course again because I'm very unhappy with the work I'm doing, mainly because our department is out of work and I was told that it won't be any better in the near future. Furthermore I'm not getting paid enough in my opinion. I could do similar work at another company with more money but the work itself does not fulfill me anymore. I know that at the beginning of march there is a registration deadline for a school I might go to for a year or two. This means that a few weeks before the deadline I'll work through the life purpose course really hard because I "need" to know until then what I'll do the next few years, just because of time pressure. It's stupid and I'm asking myself why I can't be motivated without time pressure.
  10. So using the mind to think of something useful in life is not content of any kind of meditation? Or has that something to do with self inquiry?
  11. Hey, I have a question on these two videos. In the first video at stage one Leo says that you need to watch where the thoughts are going but not take them seriously. In the second video at do nothing he says to let all the thoughts and feelings be (like all the absolutely crazy thoughts) without taking control over them. What I understand on both stage one and do nothing: I should not take the thoughts seriously. My question: Am I understanding something wrong or don't these two videos contain conscious thinking? Like thinking about a business and going deeper and deeper. Is this conscious thinking a different kind of meditation that's not explained in his videos or does he have a video about this? The only difference I see between stage one and do nothing is that at do nothing you are furthermore controlling your body, is that right?
  12. My goals are eating more healthy to have more energy in life and furthermore gaining more weight through muscles, so I'm trying to eat as many proteins as I can. I go to the gym about three times a week and I've been going for 1.5 years now. I am 21 years old, 6 ft tall and weigh 176 pounds. I think my goal is to gain like 15 more pounds. After eating salads with vegetables only, I feel that great energy, that's why I'm eating those more often now. They do not contain proteins but I know salads are still very important for me. I like eating nuts without salt, drinking my protein shake, eating pizzas and yeah... I'm trying to stop eating (or drinking) addictive and useless sugars like in milk chocolate or coca cola. The same for salts, for example in doritos. I like to eat/drink more sugar from fruits as they tend to give me more energy too and surely are a great replacement for sweets. If I drink something sweet, it's a smoothie, besides that I'm drinking much water. But now I'm asking you guys, what do you eat/drink that does wonders to you? What can you recommend?
  13. Sounds great, thank you guys! I'm relieved to hear that I am not doing too bad. Every week I'm eating like 1-2 pizzas and I have to say it drains a little energy from me but not as much that it would be a big issue. The rest of my nutrition is really good, it compensates the pizzas I would say ?.
  14. Let's use a vegetarian frozen pizza with vegetables as an example because I think it tends to be more healthy than for example a salami pizza. I'm trying to eat more healthy but I really love pizza. I don't know how unhealthy it really is, that's why it's hard for me to decide how often I can eat it. So I'm asking myself these questions: Are frozen pizzas much worse than pizzas from restaurants? Is it maybe okay to eat frozen pizzas with vegetables? If it's unhealthy then what exactly, can it be compared to something else unhealthy? How often can I eat frozen pizzas without them draining energy from me, being unhealthy for me? Not at all, sometimes, or doesn't it matter?