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Part one of my response. Now THIS is a fascinating feeling that I’d love to know all about or simply leave for your own introspection as you please. Some questions for you: What associations tie you to this fear? Are you able to distinguish between those associations and how your parents would legitimately react? I recommend sitting through a simulation within your own mind here. I can recall so many instances where I would generate associations about how not only my parents would react to a situation but how just about anyone would, my parents though possessing variability based on their own unique profile they have of me, which we don’t often think about. For me I’ve sometimes wondered not whether my parents are proud or whether they admire me but what their process is for how they actually conceive of me as an individual and how they relate to me in their minds. This I tell you is a more revelatory approach and it should be, it’s more sophisticated. It will allow you to develop new associations based on understanding how you learn they conceive of you rather than just running off programmed reactions based on reactions they’ve had to you in the past. I recall the stages of transformation I went through from childhood to adulthood regarding how I conceived of how my parents conceived of me and it’s an important but scary process sometimes. To see through our parents eyes the way they conceive of us can just easily make ourselves look down on our parents as much as we may look down on ourselves through that insight, which is why awareness through the exercise is so important. The more aware we can be in all three instances here inclusive of how we ourselves conceive of our parents. The more advanced associations we can build between us and those that exist in our social world with our parents here being no different. It is in the breakdown of associations that have no reality coherence that the fabric of our social interactions breakdown and our interactions become ruled by our projective memories rather than the stillness of the moment and our true devoted understanding of each other. We may find that our parents have a sophisticated comprehension of us which will be to our benefit anyway or what is more likely the case we will find many limitations in their own comprehension and how their own subsequent associations dominate their behaviour towards us rather than our own parental idealism that under proper scrutiny we will have to come to terms with the fact that they will never be able to meet because of the well described limitations that we get better at discerning with prudent and patient diligence. For example, to realise that my father sometimes sees me as the son that used to help him out a lot forces me to see myself through his own submissive lens which corrupts my own sense of character regarding the free agent I have become. To see myself through the eyes of my mother who sees me through the associations she formed with me most as a little boy because this is when she spent the most time with me as opposed to an adolescent means that I have to view myself through in part the infantile lens that my mother can sometimes fall victim to seeing me through because I went to live with my father post the age of 9. So for you here are some further questions: what is the best realistic positive response you can imagine your parents having and what is the worst? what associations build this reaction? In what creative and useful ways ar you able to see new perspective on those associations and change your reaction based on these new perspectives? in what ways do you notice the associations change based on this? what are other personal development areas where you have noticed your parents have a positive reaction vs a negative? Do your best to try and identify for both sides even if it’s not formal personal development for example I’m sure your parents would have encouraged you to learn to transfer from crawling to walking right? At least most of our parents got that aspect of encouragement right!

I would question my own consciousness in the matter before readily assuming being "realized." Is it really true or is it simply a belief, conviction or conclusion? You seem to conflate enlightenment with transformation. Youre also coming from value systems (shoulds and shouldn'ts) and morality, which isn't what the work is about. Be honest. That's what I'm working on and what i recommend you.

On the event horizon there will be an emergent unfolding which will be unpredictable in nature. This is a statement I remember Ken Wilber making which is actually my paraphrasing. In the Gurdjieff Teaching ( which is not his personal creation) is the law of Three. Within the enneagram exists a display of the law of three (law of creation). The product of 3 centered awareness (existence) gives rise to a fourth element ,,,, a new arising. The Law of Three Thursday, May 16, 2019 Cynthia Bourgeault, one of our core faculty members and an Episcopal priest, has helped Christianity rediscover the powerful model of the “Law of Three.” This was originally developed by the Armenian-born spiritual teacher G. I. Gurdjieff (1866–1949) who saw it comprising what he called the “Laws of World Creation and World Maintenance.” Based on Trinity as flow and movement, this “law” describes the ways in which different elements work to create change and ongoing evolution. Today I’ll share a brief introduction from Cynthia’s work, but I invite you to read her full book The Holy Trinity and the Law of Three: From a metaphysical standpoint, the Trinity is primarily about process. It encapsulates a paradigm of change and transformation based on an ancient metaphysical principle known as the Law of Three. [The basic foundational principles are:] 1-In every new arising there are three forces involved: affirming, denying, and reconciling. 2-The interweaving of the three produces a fourth in a new dimension. 3-Affirming, denying, and reconciling are not fixed points or permanent essence attributes, but can and do shift and must be discerned situationally. . . . 4-Solutions to impasses or sticking points generally come by learning how to spot and mediate third force, which is present in every situation but generally hidden. . . . Let’s consider a simple example. A seed, as Jesus said, “unless it falls into the ground and dies, remains a single seed.” [John 12:24] If this seed does fall into the ground, it enters a sacred transformative process. Seed, the first or “affirming” force, meets ground, the second or “denying” force (and at that, it has to be moist ground, water being its most critical first component). But even in this encounter, nothing will happen until sunlight, the third or “reconciling” force, enters the equation. Then among the three they generate a sprout, which is the actualization of the possibility latent in the seed—and a whole new “field” of possibility. Actually, the entire Paschal Mystery can be seen to play itself out as a fairly straightforward configuration of the Law of Three. If you assign affirming as Jesus, the human teacher of the path of love; denying as the crucifixion and the forces of hatred driving it; and reconciling as the principle of self-emptying, or kenotic love willingly engaged, then the fourth or new arising, which is inescapably revealed through this weaving, is the Kingdom of Heaven, visibly manifest in the very midst of all the human cruelty and brokenness. https://cac.org/the-law-of-three-2019-05-16/ To know means to know all. Not to know all means not to know. In order to know all, it is only necessary to know a little. But, in order to know this little, it is first necessary to know pretty much. (Gurdjieff) There is an angel within the monkey struggling to get free, and this is what the historical crisis is all about. Terence McKenna

I am interested in hearing more. I guess for me, even if the "life is a dream" paradigm may raise more questions, that doesn't mean I have to reject that paradigm as being a potential possibility. I can see that the creation is slightly different. For the dreamer god, the creation is a dream and imagined with the physical world being dreamed. For the nonduality god, there could still technically be a physical world or it too could be all in the mind. Yes I see that with non-duality, we are the Earth and it really isn't death but rather transformation of the self with the self.

I'm seeing a common pattern in all spiritual students these days (which includes most of my students). 'I've done lots of psychedelics. I have been meditating for a few years with relative consistency. I do have solid experiential glimpses of some of the insights spiritual teachers talk about. But I feel like no progress has been made 99% of any given day. No access to clear understanding and truth. My normal state of consciousness even after meditating is extremely poor. I don't know what to do and I'm starting to get sick of this perpetual cycle my mind dwells in.' First of all, let's get the essential ingredient out of the way. If you are working with wrong intentions, techniques and can't execute them exactly as the instructions ask you to, then you won't get anywhere even after 40 years of meditation. Make sure you get this right. It is the first step. But let's assume you do understand the instructions and know what exact skills you are developing and aiming for; so now what? The understanding of how the process of meditation unfolds - having some baseline skills - by itself, won't result in deep transformation. Potential for backsliding exists in each moment without permanent awakening. It is definitely a challenging aspect of this journey and you should smell the roses if you arrive at 'I can finally do this meditation thing. It actually unveils the illusions of my mind' but once that is circumvented, you need to actually do HOURS of high-level meditation back to back to consolidate insights, strengthen awareness and integrate the truth to each and every activity you enjoy doing. Absolute understanding will already integrate and consolidate the spiritual insights into daily life. But that process requires some nudging in the right directions via cultivation of healthy mental habits: The reduction of craving and self-perception. Also, contemplation will be needed in the future for further exploration. To do that, you cant 'half-ass' the training. Only after 4-8 hours straight high level practice daily will you start moving the needle and creating some inertia. ---- I'm a fairly laid-back guy and maybe some of the instructions I give may appear too 'rigid' or 'disciplined'. That is because to get any of the benefits of this path, you need to apply yourself. But you need to do this process with a smile on your face. After developing the baseline skills, you will have EXTREMELY high levels of motivation to meditate in each moment, in each activity. In fact, you'll sacrifice time you'd prefer indulging in your most enjoyable hobby to meditate more and enhance consciousness. After arriving at that pioint, keep riding the momentum and practice HOURS back to back each day. Go deeper and resist the temptation to rest on your accomplishments. You'll be glad you did. Hope this motivates some of you who are stuck in a rut. Maybe more attention to detail must be given by teachers letting students know how much they are missing out on by dwelling in 'normal' states of consciousness distorted by countless mental illusions. Much love, Arda

Have not posted on here for a while but I have not been in the best place, feeling better today however. I notice I feel a whole lot worse living up to other people's expectations of you & doing things just to please others. I went to see my Dad over in Ireland, it was nice to talk to him but at the same time I was wasting my days just so I could go back to sleep. I found it uncomfortable being out of my ordinary routine. I am back in the UK now but slowly becoming more conscious of how I am wasting most days.... trying to learn to love & appreciate the present moment of life. My mind always wants to get somewhere instead & not enjoying the experience. I decided to read Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg & going to start small. I really want to change certain routines in my life. I am going to celebrate each habit that I do. I need to journal more so I can express myself more clearly. It feels very hard being stuck in your own thinking. Making a seperate post for the Tiny Habits transformation that I will be doing, I am only 26 & need to think more positively. Not many people my age know about personal development & self transformation. I must think more highly of myself to increase my own self worth & esteem. I try my best & I am not going to be so harsh or self critical for set backs in my life. i must love myself more, I must love others more. The inner critic is hard to deal with but love will heal everything. I have to be more kind towards myself, I don't currently have a career. My financial situation is not the greatest but I am in a first world country & have family around me that love me. I am loved by others but still feel lonely. I need to express self love towards myself. I am in a good position in life & need to stop comparing myself to others. It's all about how you perceive reality.

I have been reading tiny habits by BJ Fogg & finding it super interesting. Going to keep myself accountable by putting all the habits I am doing on a consistent basis on this journal. Going to start Tiny for behaviour change to happen. I am going to be using the MAP model to incorporate healthy habits for myself.

It was a long post to go through covering different aspects to sex, absolutely deep and profound, kudos @Galyna Sex is not just bodies at play, it’s also an exploration for the mind to the direction of extreme pleasure when mind seeks asylum in the polar opposite in its duality, the physical sensations and emotions are the first thing that meets the eye of an ordinary lusty mind. For the advanced, sex is the whole of infinity what one calls god and other calls nothingness when Masculine hacks and penetrates the feminine essence of absolute beauty and brings her to bloom with ecstasy and shows her the absolute lucidity of truth. it is a transformation for those who understand spirituality and can source connect, the sex is about consciousness and the absolute intelligence manifesting itself to bring creation. God planting itself in the nature of duality creating absolute burst of divine potent energy and unlimited joy. Sex = Source of universe

Am I deluded? Am I smart? Am I crazy/flippant? Am I Mad? Or am I both? I guess I'm more crazy than I'm mad. ..... Anyway these characters are a Doorway into who I am. Sex can make you tired. Even being horny for long periods of time makes me very tired. That's a huge disadvantage. But it is healing and curative. What turns me on? A guy who tries to steal me. From myself. I'm deeply introverted. And morning I was thinking about how introversion can actually cure me. It is one thing that will help. Being introverted makes me crave intimacy. Because I'm sexually repressed? I kept my feelings hidden for so long in fact I wasn't even in touch with them. I did not even explore my feelings. I always shamed myself for any sexual thoughts. I think a huge part of this reason was my second ex boyfriend Mr Bud. He was notorious. He was a freak. He would show me porn videos that I never liked. ( I have rape fantasies but rape fantasy is just rough sex, being tied up,nothing more) So his stuff was weird. Once he said that he would pass me around and that angered me. I think that's where I stopped talking about sex with him because I saw no point in encouraging sex with him. Probably that created a negative image of Sex in my mind. Bud was an Indian guy and I stopped dating Indian guys at that point. Because I was always "virgin" shamed in these relationships. They wanted me to be sexual but at the same time every time I wanted to open up sexually I was made to feel like a slut. That further repressed me.. Made me feel like I wasn't supposed to talk about sex, it was some kind of a taboo. I remember one day I wore red lipstick while going to the hospital. And Bud was with me and on the way he whispered into my ears, "you look like a whore." I was like wtf. "you shouldn't wear that red lipstick." And I got defiant and told him, "I can do whatever the fuck I want." I broke up with Bud because he was so controlling. He never made me feel sexy Every time I tried to open up sexually with him, he would make it sound like I'm a whore. It was difficult because all I wanted was normal sex that happens between couples. But Bud had no problem talking about gangrape yet I was the whore??? The sexism and hypocrisy was driving me crazy. I had to fight him off.. It was always competitive. He would never fulfill me. He would make it me versus him all the time. Like if I needed sex he would deliberately push me away. It was all about him. I think he became a major source of my sexual anxiety So thanks to Bud, I could never think positive about sex.. The real transformation came with Joseph the American boyfriend. He did it for me. He told me to open up. He told me things he would do to me. Things that Bud never said he would. There was a huge difference. I felt sexually liberated for the first time. I felt powerful. I felt good.. I orgasmed all night with Joseph like almost 3 times in a row. I was drenched wet. Joseph was encouraging me and sexualizing me like sexing me up.. I did not feel bad for being horny or wet. This was the first time. I did not feel guilt or frustration. It was pure surrender and it was soft. I was just laying in bed feeling absolutely taken and owned by Joseph. This was the first time I actually enjoyed the feeling.

@Leo Gura Ok. I will look through your videos on Epistemology. The reason I bring up your story with that person is because some of what you mentioned there lined up with what I have been experiencing lately. As a result of shifting into a nondual place of perception in the past 6 months or so my mind has been at peace and equanimous however it is my body has struggled to keep up with the transformation. Prolonged exhaustion and nausea arise whenever I engage in my usual nondual practices. Do you remember any more of your exchange with this person, and why did their awakening trigger their physiology in such a way?

don't like the title of this journal maybe just Emotional Intelligence Training or something would be better. i like to reframe challenging situations in my life as an emotionally intelligence game. this way, i stop getting overly identified with the problem and i see it more in a neutral-playful way. playing too much chess! i have to diversify my hobbies a bit. i was trying to play checkers online, but almost nobody plays it other things that i thought of doing: - download & play crash bandicoot 3 warped - play (and record) the piano more - express myself artistically (maybe painting) - find a book to read (i will start the book "Speak". it sounds interesting and not too difficult to read) - make 10 minute session of organizing (deliberately short so that i actually do it) - stretching & gentle yoga so things like that. two things that i used to care that now i choose to alienate myself from: politics & soccer. both of which were just pissing me off. reflecting about my experience in this forum it's crazy to think that i use this forum for over 6 years. i went through a big transformation. back in 2016-17, i was in a state of deep confusion, as if i was lost in a dark forest. i thought psychedelics & spirituality were the answer to my problems. nothing could be farther from the truth. >> the freaking power of premium psychotherapy + premium psychiatric sessions is unbelievable << it's really expensive, but it's the best investment i could ever do in my life. i finally feel healthy once again. i feel like my true me again. just working my way up the hierarchy of needs. it's really easy to forget about the foundation and try to reach the top. but without a solid base, everything's gonna fall apart college's been good i've been able to make some friends in my class, which is really important. because if i were to go to the classes just because of the classes per se, then it'd be depressing. in a way, it's good that it took me more years to get into college. i'm 25, and i'm in my second year. i feel much more prepared to go through the college experience. i'm doing it because I want it. not because society tells me so. and also, because my mental health is being taken care of, i can experience the challenges as for what they actually are, and not get amplified by 100x because of depression. there are some other older students in my class but i don't feel like them tbh. i relate much more to the ones that are in their early 20's. but i do like to diversify the groups that i interact with. regarding social groups, i'm polygamic lol. i hope the hybrid modality continues! there's been protests against this. my college basically wants that about half of the course will be through online real-time classes. to me, that's great. i feel no desire to go to the college every single day. i feel like by going there fewer times, when i actually go, the experience is heightened. i hope this doesn't change, because it's been comfortable for me.

Booyaa, another day to grind on it. Yesterday didnt write. Recap. Was very tired following 1st day back to Gym... partial blame going to junk-food diet (I believe gluten comes with a 24-48 hour energy crash... and also smoked a bowl of weed after breakfast... Laid in my van all morning/afternoon, did some calls to get ball rolling on new ID, and a job program, listened to more Dispenza mostly. Bought energy drink after lunch and ibuprofen, which mostly knocked out the exhausted feeling, Doordashed for a few hours. Sticking point : Talking to people and start to internally dwell on conversation points too much. Also getting more into conscious creation of the life I want to live... rewiring brain via doing more what I want to be , and removing actions that I dont want... altogether less procrastination. Sticking Point #2 : Learning to say No to people... definitely people trying to use me from the homeless shelter, like I ghosted the guy wasting my time trying to be my new gym buddy. "I got business to handle" Started several threads , as I am just like "why not spam the forums with questions I want to work on?" Also watched Leo's 1st video in Start Here, really good overview starter video, crazy how I feel like I know 60% of it already, but the thing is *fundamentals* so drilling in the basics irregardless if I know 90% or not... as how can I teach it if I dont know it through and through? Definitely gonna have to add meditation ASAP. Im already getting more clear and crisp feeling, only 5-6 days into starting to turn my life around Adding 20-30 seconds of cold shower to every shower. Havnt updated my journal in a few days on Actualized.org Wrote a post and accidentally deleted it. Went to gym and worked out hard, really helped "dial-in" (effects diminshed after 24-48 hours) Had a guy starting to leech off me, drug me around wasting my time... Gotta work on saying No. (Self-respect, commitments to my other plans, people gotta respect me saying No or kick them out immediately) Smoked weed with that leecher, bought me a gram and started being lazy, reinstalled a game, lost momentum, relapsed into old identity (note to self, keep practicing identity change, it is *not* a one time thing, but an active ongoing process requiring daily commitment) Cut back on people altogether again, maybe its because there is a lingering effect of weed making me like that for up to 3 days after? Will see. Leecher got kicked out of Salv. Army housing and ghosted him. Kinda ghosting everybody (cuz of weed's effect) Been wasting a lot of time throughout the day... doing some doordash in morning , lying around most of afternoon and evening.. Seems like life is an *energy game* , mylenating neuron pathways through repetition, body prefers using less energy and defaulting back to old habits... Felt like 'two step forward, one step backwards' until getting thrown off that day with leecher and picking up smoking weed a few days and reinstalling a game. Loss of drive, emotionally monotone feeling. Lined up for a Career 'Work Ready'program, going to be ongoing with daily classes , preparing for interviews, getting resume fixed up, learning skills related to field I want to work in, help with finding employers,and the whole 9 yards. Got a birth certificate ordered - 2 weeks tho, get my ID and SS card following that... Things Im working on implementing to daily routine Cold Shower Wim Hof + Meditation habit Going thru Transformation Academy classes Going thru Actualized.org classes Every 2-3 days going to Gym Getting to sleep early (no lights including phone) around 9pm , waking up at 5/6am Going thru Optimize mini-classes Earning extra $20-60/day Doordashing Need to identify goal for entreprenurship and commit to doing that around the clock Need to write down list of Self-Inquiry questions Need to work on schedule and measuring success towards commitments. Need to create a study habit... like an environment where I aim to be productive (because lazy in my bed/van/tv) , maybe start going to library/coffee shop and do Pomodoro technique and try 3 blocks of 30-60 mins of goal-oriented activity. Also dressing up like 'im going to work' maybe that will help with feeling like 'this is work time' instead of constantly dipping off on my phone being lazy. Definitely slacking though. Hopefully a few days off weed and doing some Wim Hof/working out will help reset back... what originally seemed to get me going last week was 1) a girl playing therapist for me with lots of "i love you" intimacy + eye contact (not romantic love at all,just like "i care about"love and providing me space to open up , and 2) getting pissed off at some cops harrassing me, really spiked my emotions , which is kinda the opposite after smoking/chilling too much feeling emotionally monotone now Anyways, one of my biggest lessons so far has been "When falling off the horse, you must get right back on it" as this applies to habits/personal change... If I let one or two more days go without journaling, Im essentially going to have to start all over again... so here we go, back on the horse I get. Much love -Kory

The difference between someone who's awake on some level and someone who's enlightened is huge. Awakening doesn't require much transformation; enlightenment requires the whole system to be transformed and aligned with the highest truth.

Some major shifts in my perception about dating: Thanks to the work of Robert Moore I learned that real shifts in perceptions come through crises. One should actively look to create a crises in one’s life to initiate transformation. This is what I discovered about people and women. In summary I learned I shouldn’t put them on a pedestal. I did for a very long time and I knew I shouldn’t but now it just clicks. Lessons: I overvalued physical beauty. I was a servant of obscurity/devil. The tragicomic thing is when you don’t value the thing you will get it thrown on your lap A woman is not your mother. She doesn’t love you for you. She loves you for what you mean to her. don’t take advice from a woman on how to be a man if you want to fuck around with girls, position yourself rightly. Physical, emotional, mental weakness is punished. Strength is rewarded. It is really true that in your figuratively speaking darkest hour, you will find salvation. So don’t postpone the darkest hour. The answer is within but you need to seek it outside yourself to come to the conclusion that is not outside of yourself: you already have everything you need Change in perception is the deepest teachings

I recommend both, they compliment each other. I never done nor inquired into the program you mentioned, but I know Julien Blanc is an RSD instructor. As far as I know, much of the PUA community and RSD material is based on manipulation tactics and strategy, whether it is manipulation of internal state or of the environment. Sorry to break it to you, manipulation will not transform you, because you are already manipulating your internal state and the environment. Real transformation is about maturing, not adopting new ways of relating to circumstance. If you want to mature, you need to let go of your self induced childhood patterns. Psychedelics will show you some of this and connect you, at least temporarily, to a more integrated and honest experience of life. If you want real "growth", it is about becoming as honest as you can be, and becoming conscious of all the patterns you adopted throughout your life, and deciding whether to drop them or not. It is also about bringing to your Consciousness everything that your repress. If this type of work interest you, I invite to research "shadow work" and contemplation of unconscious mind. Psychedelics accelerate this process because they increase Consciousness by showing you the content of your subconscious mind, which tends to dominate your experience and fixate your life to a certain form. In my personal experience, Ayahuasca is the most transformative psychedelic. Ayahuasca provides not only ego death (when needed), but also forces you to deal with your emotions. It will also show you the deepest material of your unconscious mind - the deepest fears, sorrow, pain that you hold. Ayahuasca is not a walk in the park, it is serious emotional work. But it is worth it.

I've been doing inner work for almost 2 years now with no results should I just take psychedelics to see what happens? I've been doing Transformation Mastery by Julien Blanc which hasn't helped me unfortunately.

Welcome... So this thread won't be anything like my other journal (The Light) where I sorta just implode in my random thoughts and feelings in the most authentic way I know I can. Yeah, this won't be that kinda place for me. Here I'll be logically laying out my experiences and lessons I'm getting from engaging consciously with spirituality. I'll be doing a lot of reflecting and revelation-writing: talking about my awakenings and the most enlightening experiences. Also, the title of this thread is in fact inspired by the work of Shakti Gawain whose book, ‘Living in the Light - A Guide to Personal and Planetary Transformation’, I had quite recently stumbled upon and find myself really resonating with. It's really the most random and yet perfect-timing kind of thing for me to have come across that book, but I won't say too much. So, basically this thread is about the shifting of my view of reality - the way I see the world to be - so maybe just reality itself, into a world of more clarity and more power and more life. I'll be recording my shifts in consciousness, permanent or temporary, and just noting down the impacts like how it's affecting me and how it's reflecting in the way I live my life. So yeah, enjoy.

Greg: Hello, spirit of guidance. Spirit Guide: I am here, my friend. Greg: I am a little puzzled by something. Quite confused, in fact. Spirit Guide: Have you noticed how some of our very best conversations, featuring some of the richest realizations begin when you take that position? When you are willing to admit to your internal dissonance, describe it carefully and then open yourself to a new transcendent understanding you do a special kind of magic. An alchemical transformation. Lead into Gold. Fear and discomfort into love and delight. And of course we are going to do the same thing right now. And it all begins when you describe your difficulty. So, go ahead. What puzzles you, my friend? Greg: How would you define me? Spirit Guide: A spark of eternal, divine light who has chosen to express itself as Love, who is currently, momentarily, experiencing incarnation as a human being on Planet Earth. Greg: Thank you. I needed to be reminded of that. Spirit Guide: You already know this. Why can't you remind yourself? Greg: Well, I could. I wanted your company, as well. Spirit Guide: I am always with you. There isn't a single moment in all of NOW that I am not with you. Greg: Then why can't I call on your assistance whenever I wish? Spirit Guide: You most certainly can! Greg: For the last week I sat every day at my laptop and tried to produce an intuitive conversation with you and received nothing in return. Spirit Guide: Why do you think that is? Greg: I guess I am not always aware of your presence. Sometimes I sit here and nothing comes. Sometimes I get bits and pieces, but they don’t hang together correctly and I know it’s not right and I end up deleting what I have written. But mostly I just don’t FEEL it. Mostly the feeling is that I should be doing something other than writing. Is that laziness? Procrastination? I don’t know. I thought to ask you about it. Spirit Guide: Oh, I definitely can help you with this. But I have a question of my own for you before I answer yours: What is different when you DO manage to write something? Greg: Everything! I might have months and months of struggling and then, one morning I just wake up and I feel different. I feel ready. Spirit Guide: And then? Greg: And then it’s usually quite easy. I sit down and write. It’s not exactly effortless. Getting the info is “heavy lifting”. And getting it all straight in my mind takes a lot of work. The writing itself is easy enough. And then there’s a bit of editing and cleaning up to make sure the words represent, as perfectly as possible, the concepts that I originally received. So it takes work, certainly. But it flows and I feel I can do it. Spirit Guide: So it goes from sticky and impossible to suddenly quite doable. Greg: Yes, exactly. Spirit Guide: And? What changes? What are you doing differently on these occasions when it is doable? Greg: I was hoping you could tell me. Then I can just always do whatever it is and I’ll just be able to get on with my writing! Spirit Guide: My dear, sweet child. Do you not see? You are not doing anything different when you can successfully write. It is simply so that you have some wildly inappropriate expectations the rest of the time. You believe that there should be a release through you, and from me, within some kind of a regular time period that you can control. But this is just not so. When I speak to and through you, I do not simply speak to human consciousness. I speak at very specific intervals when human consciousness is ready for what I have to say. Sometimes, when consciousness is transforming relatively rapidly on Earth, I might have a rapid succession of things to say. Then you will be kept busy by me. Sometimes there are blockages that need to be worked out in the collective consciousness of humanity, and what I have to say must wait. Then there is a longer pause. The point is, these things cannot be rushed. And it will most certainly not do to offer information before it’s time. This might actually cause more harm than good. And then, too, sometimes things are moving along exactly as they should, and nothing need be said for some time. Beloved one, nothing is by accident and nothing is random about any of this. We are engaged in a very highly purposeful, highly intentional process. So I ask you to entirely let go of the idea that my releases through you should follow a pattern of regularity that you can depend upon. They will not. They will come when I decide the time is right. And, as you have seen, trying to “force it” doesn’t get you anything. You must be patient. And, alas, so must your readers. For there are those who benefit from our conversations. So, patience is the first thing that will be required of you going forward. Beyond that I have, what I am sure you will find to be, a very useful recommendation: Instead of thinking that you must put some time aside to write every day, rather set time aside each day which you call your “tuning in to listen” time. Sit in front of your laptop for this time as it is your style, and what works for you, to record in writing the things that you receive. But please note: you are not sitting down “to write”. You are sitting down “to listen”. If you find what you receive in such a session to be worth recording - write it down. Then do with that as you see fit. If, for example, what you receive on that occasion, takes our central conversation forward, then add that to my communications. If, on the other hand, what you receive on that occasion is only relevant to you and your growth, then this is most certainly not of “less value” than an item for public release. Rather this is of MORE VALUE, as this is a part of you, fulfilling your core purpose. Which is your own self-healing and spiritual growth. Do remember, as you contemplate this, that you are only able to help others, only able to offer healing, only able to receive shareable information to the degree that you are healing yourself and aligning yourself with your divine, Inner-Self. So, working on yourself must come first. Your spiritual awakening IS your purpose. Your spiritual awakening is your own, intensely personal, journey. Everything else, including gifting information to others, is secondary. A beneficial, secondary consequence that comes as a by-product of your true purpose. Nothing more. Nothing less. To be continued... March 31st, 2022.

Decided I am going to make an online journal for my own personal growth. I typically spend a lot of my time procastinating during my days, sitting around all day feeling numb while being addicted to digital devices. I want this to be a new beginning for me, I have been mentally masterbaiting in the self help world for years now. It just makes you feel worse as you know what you should be doing but don't take action. I am going to come up with a set of goals that I would like to achieve & take daily action on it. I have not experienced much of life & don't really find many things that I am passionate about. I hope this journal will help me try to see reality in a more optimistic way. As of late I have been dealing with a ton of self sabotage/negative thoughts which seems to further enhance procrastination. I know I can achieve so much more with this life, my intuition tells me that. When your mind sense of self is so hardwired into performing certain activities, you get used to it, putting yourself into a rut. I have a lot of inner work to do just to get my ego to a healthy state. Everyday I tell myself, "tomorrow will be different", but I am exactly the same day after day, because tomorrow never comes. You have to be so willing to change yourself to your very core. I do think accountability is very important on this journey of personal development as it can provide useful emotional support when times get tough. I am almost 26 so I am still young to make a change in my life, I have a huge fear of getting into my 40's & 50's & still being in the same place but I will still be in the same place if I don't change. It's so incredibly easy to leech money off of others & be lazy all day, basically doing nothing. I want to become a high value man. Figuring out my LP is probably going to be one of my toughest hurdles as I have a huge lack in life experience but I will do 1 hour of Leo's LP course daily as it is better than doing nothing. Sometimes I feel conflicted on what I actually desire in terms of my own values but I think you have to start somewhere + you don't really know until you are living it. I am not going to try to do to much at once, otherwise that will lead to a burn out but I am going to try to document my days as best as I can, I know there will be ups & downs but going to try have a bigger picture. I will add more goals to the list as I come up with more. Goals Improve my game/socialization Figure out LP Eliminate negative habits (being addicted to phone ect...) Consistent meditative practices (1 hour daily) Put on more muscle mass Move into own place Consistent sleep schedule Financial freedom Releasing childhood traumas Most important goals for me right now in order are #1 Priority goals Eliminating negative habits (nail biting, to much screen time, Procrastination ect.) Consistent sleep schedule (11pm - 7am weekdays & 3am - 10am weekends) Moving out Figuring out LP Consistent meditation practice Anyway, that's it for my first journal post! Onwards & upwards

March 1 I suffer leg injury from a fall in the bathroom. It's over for me for the next few days. I walk with the help of a stick. Trying to relax as much as possible right now. It's March 1. I need to fill my orange beret journal. Juicy birdy insights. I also have my Zegglife trademark logo ready. This is my brand and I'm proud of my brand. This is the logo I create or take from the internet. It's a willow tree. This becomes the symbol for my holistic life and purpose. On March 1 I come up with the concept of the Emperor Archetype who I call Emperor Olaf inspired by how people can live happily under a benevolent king/Emperor who won't be tyrannical like Putin. While being bedridden due to leg injury I also start my new YouTube channel called Zegglife. March 3 I learn about Russia and Britain in WW2. I am lying on the floor crying and thinking how could this even be possible. I am going through a cathartic process. I can't imagine that these people are Christian. The soldiers are Christian. How could they rape women? I can't imagine this. This is an Abrahamic religion. I'm terrified. I decide it's time to abandon Christianity. The God of Abraham cannot be a good God. I make up my mind. I abandon Christianity on March 3. I make a thread on it. I'm-abandoning-Christianity. March 4 I start the journal 'My Religious Transformation' - March 5 I start the journal 'The Roman(magnum opus).' This is my journal entry on that day. "I'm so happy right now. Extremely happy. I no longer need Christianity although I still like the teachings of Christ. Now I have the religion of Deihism that fixes my spiritual issues. ⚖️... This is the temporary symbol, the balance" That day I invent my own religion and name it Deihism. - March 6 I start a journal 'Everyday people' to document the struggles and victories of everyday people. - March 7 I start a journal on Christianity. I want to explore both Judaism and Christianity and learn more from these religions. On March 7, I discover a channel with an extremely feminine woman and I'm very impressed with that. And I decide to explore femininity in more depth. So I start threads on femininity. One thread titled "What do guys on this forum consider as feminine?" what-do-guys-on-this-forum-consider-as-feminine I go deeper into concepts on March 7. I realize that I'm unable to complete the weekly journal March 1 - March 8 because of my mental health struggles due to various issues including the war. So I abandon that journal. I start a new journal March 7. It includes many useful insights that I arrive at on that day. On March 7 I write this entry in my journal - " I'm unable to follow the old format. So today is March 7 and I don't want to put an end date on my journal. I just want to keep tracking as long as I want. All my thoughts, emotions and actions and insights are going to be here. This liberates me from a time constraint. " I also realize that Kamala Harris has a very feminine smile and is a good role model. I want to see this woman's smile everyday. It's kinda uplifting. She looks like a cool mother figure to me. March 8 I write a curious comment in my journal " I'm so fed up with bias." The comment is inspired by the thread "What do guys on this forum consider as feminine?" especially by this comment what-do-guys-on-this-forum-consider-as-feminine I kinda get tired of arguing on the forum and fall asleep. I wake up feeling better and then I write my wonderful insight here Insight I also start the journal 'I don't think I'm very feminine on the same day. - March 9 I start the journal 'How must we be as a nation.' I also want to apply the example of a nation to life. I start the journal 'driftwood' and it explores general thoughts. Drifting mind. By March 9 I realize how important femininity is to my Iife. - March 10 I have understood that femininity helps me more than anything. I only want to be surrounded by feminine women and feminine men. That way I stay safe. And I feel much better and energized with femininity. I feel aggressed upon by masculinity. I can't take it anymore. I'm changing everything in my life for the better and I want to have a fresh start in my life using feminine principles. Masculinity is harmful to me. It caused me permanent damage. Feminists in this regard can be damaging to women. I also made threads on cultivating femininity.

Dear Light I think I am tired now. I don't know, I think I am tired of playing ignorant.. even if I may or may not doing it on purpose, but.. there's no point stalling and pretending anymore. I want to live in truth. Remember I asked if I can be enlightened without being frightened? Well I think I know the answer now. And it's a definite no. All my life I've been frightened by new things, new experiences, until I got used to them and understood them. In all those times I was learning, I was growing, so why should it be anything different now? But you know what else I realized? It's that the real darkness doesn't lie ahead in the unknown, but it resides right here, in comfort zone, in the realm of the ignorant, where there can hardly be any learning and growing. I've realized that true growth and learning comes from befriending death, because growing into something new means the death of the old identity - death is transformation, it has never been cessation. My dear Light, you've been with me thus far, surely it is for a purpose. So whatever it is, please know that I am now ready for it. I'll will try harder to acknowledge you in every moment of my being, and in return I pray there is revelation of my Truth - what I am and what it means to be me. So go ahead, frighten me, for I now know that what I am is too immense to be prepared for. I only have my mortality to offer, let it be put to the ultimate use in teaching me what I need to learn. Amen

How is it any different then going to Ayahuasca/5-MEO ceremony, receiving legal services or purchasing vegetables in the supermarket? The vehicle for the transmission is a life form, do you really expect it to give of his time and abilities for free? It also needs to survive as human being. On the contrary, if the transmission was for free, that would jeopardize many more people who are not in a place in their life to encounter such a transformation. When you pay for something, you should consider what are you paying for. It is money "out of pocket", so you will deploy your skepticism carefully and research well before the transmission. Free transmission are far more dangerous IMO.

Transformation process is accessed via diverse means. If your purpose is to return to who you really are, it is more about letting go or releasing the adopted patterns that dominate your experience. Of course, you can always transform by adopting new patters, which may or may not be useful for your self agenda, but that transformation will be shallow. You are already you, but we hide this from ourselves and others because we want to manipulate reality to fit our agenda and ideals. You don't have to move a finger to be who you already are. However, we engage in so many activities (thought & behavior patterns) that conceal or hide the real you. The process of bringing all patterns to our cognition - becoming conscious of our unconscious aspect of mind - is the ultimate and deep transformation most "seekers" really strive to. For example, when you become conscious of your aversion from certain activities or specific other because you fear them for some reason, you can let go of this aversion and experience or confront the situation as it is. There are multiple and diverse aspects to the subconscious mind, and bringing all of it to the light of Consciousness is serious work (which I highly recommend).

They can provide powerful insights into self and mind, which facilitates transformation of the individual. They can also reveal deeply buried subconscious material that you hide from your self because you don't want to confront with. They can provoke powerful ego death, which will reveal your true identity. They can also encourage creativity, connection to other and environment, clarity of thought and perception, forgiveness, compassion, and many other traits that are inherent to your nature but are buried under the plethora of concept you regard as your self. They are not magic pill, definitely. Truth and insights which gleaned under the effects of psychedelics must be assimilated in day to day life by you. Even though many psychonauts claim that psychedelics transformed their life, it is rarely the case. Mostly, even after amazing trips, the mind will reassemble back to its prior architecture. Unless the trip is integrated via letting go of old patterns, psychological treatment, contemplation and meditation - it will remain as experience. A mind opening experience, perhaps, but not a life transforming one. Permanent and healthy transformation comes about through persistent process, not the temporary experience activated by the absorption of external molecular structures. This is not to say, that you cannot create a positive and persistent transformation right now, "off the bat". It is actually possible, but this possibility is rarely accessed.

@DocWatts Thanks again for your response, I appreciate you taking the time to help me out. I've been reading a summary of The Structure of Scientific Revolutions online and I can literally feel how powerful what it's saying but haven't fully realised it if you understand me. It's points like these especially: Something like a paradigm is a prerequisite to perception itself (recall G. H. Mead's concept of a predisposition, or the dictum it takes a meaning to catch a meaning). What people see depends both on what they look at and on what their previous visual-conceptual experience has taught them to see. This difference in view resembles a gestalt shift, a perceptual transformation—"what were ducks in the scientist's world before the revolution are rabbits afterward." It's making me want to instigate one of these "gestalt shifts". It's interesting because I had a few mystical experiences a couple of years ago when I was tripping that felt like paradigm shifts but it's clear from my behaviour that I'm still operating from the materialist paradigm. I still treat people as fundamentally separate and external to me even though when I had direct experiences that I was everything and it was all my own mind. I've since read a lot of Ken Wilber's stuff and specifically the "Wilber-Combs lattice" which made the distinction between the awakening and the interpretation of it but, still, it's mad that I experienced effectively supernatural shit and then still ended up living how I was before after a few months. I guess that's the pull of homeostasis.