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Just save some money and purchase it. After that you will realize there is no you to die, it was the ego only. Do not try to suicide!!! It is the stupidest thing to do!!! Maybe @Leo Gura can help you.

@UnbornTao Thanks for the encouraging words. I will try what you're saying. I'm really hoping this will wave off of me at some point. I asked an old high school friend about how she dealt with learning that her boyfriend cheated on her, and she said it took her a good half a year to get over him. Mind you, they were together for 2 years. @integral Thanks for the encouragement. I've been hearing this a lot from people the last few days. My guy friends all say that it's basically doomed and if they were in my shoes they would just act distant until she leaves and then move on. But then I talked to the doctor and he said, now that we're equal, we can just try again and see what happens. I'm not sure how to proceed, but I guess once she leaves it will be clearer for me. @thierry See I would like to believe you. I really do. But the fact that her molly trip made her accept what happened more and be able to still enjoy life makes me think I need it to. It's already difficult dealing with that information about her cheating, but to see her completely unbothered by the whole situation almost makes me feel like it could at least help me too. Then again, she says she still suffers immensely but her brain is shutting off to try to protect her from this trauma. I don't know how true that is. All I know is I cry a lot and am very emotional, meanwhile she doesn't seem that emotional about all of it at all. @Basman Thanks for the kind words and you're right, she admitted that in that moment for her the relationship was already over. She just didn't have the balls to tell me, but would rather instead talk about "needing space" only to cheat in revenge. Also, when I say she was my only friend, I really mean it. I don't have boys to reach out to. Nobody who wants to go hiking with me. Hence the feelings of loneliness, self-harm and suicide. Because she somehow got off better than this than me. She actually met new people, made friends, is starting to enjoy her work and all this. And I'm stuck with nobody. Nobody who texts me how I'm doing, asks me to go out for the evening, train with me or whatever. I am trying though. I reached out to old friends, hung out a couple times with them and am going out with one tomorrow. Not saying all hope is lost, but just trying to explain how it all makes me feel.

If god had the desire to, could he somehow stop existing? I've always found the idea of death comforting because an endless life has always seemed tragic to me, and I think if I found out I was god and that I can't die I would find that deeply horrifying.

"Tomorrowland" I have been having this vision in the back of my mind for quite some time now. A world where karma is the only currency. You enjoy the fruits of everything you do, also you're not supposed to do anything either. This is also an imperfect world, because karma isn't real either at stage Turquoise, also societal(collective) karma is almost nullified, nobody is forced to do anything. This world here isn't interested in hoarding anything, people are free to do anything, but alone. The goal is that one doesn't interfere or even passively impact the other. There is no need to earn money, or even contribute to the society, you can live a perfectly good life, doing nothing. Infact doing nothing is the norm, it is the best thing to do. Activity is neither encouraged nor discouraged. Flowering of an individual's true nature is celebrated. This world at first, focused on tech advancements as a community, like "Tomorrowland". Soon they get bored of it and commit suicide out of boredom. Because every form of "pleasure" is short circuited, it was not really suicide, it was MahaSamadhi. People left behind their bodies, consciously, without any external aid. Where did it go wrong? Or did it? Thoughts?

Wow TS, it's sad what happened to Reckful. Suicide impacts someone's life esp at a young age, it isn't easy.

How do you know that antinatalists are the majority? I think acknowledgment of our destructive ways can be good. We become so conscious of our destructive ways that we open ourselves up to change. Some people in life have to make the decision between suicide and changing themselves radically. That could be it on a more global scale.

Yes, because an experience insinuates that there's an experiencer. Enlightenment is the recognition that there never was an experiencer from the start of body birth or even before birth for that matter. "There just never was a YOU" The only thing that SEEMS to have an experience, is the conditioned illusion of self. The very energy that labels and judges the experience as good or bad or whatever, isn't actually there! When that illusion is shattered, everything becomes an empty happening. Ground zero it could be called. There's no one left itching or trying to have a good experience over a bad one. What remains is just whatever is happening without the conditioned illusion of self labeling or judging apparent reality as this or that; good vs bad ect... And that sticky illusion of self can never accept or grasp this because it's like illusion suicide. But see illusions cannot die because they were never real from the start. It's indescribable because it's the end of the conditioned descriptions. It's not an experience because it's the end of the experiencer which never existed anyways! In other words, bodily conditioning is like a mask over an empty and meaningless reality. It sounds horrific to the self illusion, but it's actually the freedom longed for by nobody 🤣 ❤️

It's ultimately not different from a heroin addiction. You want to live in a constant extremely positive state, and that ends up ruining your natural reward system and sober life. Sober life can never feel as good as a heroin high. At least not without decades of development. Death can come in multiple ways: Suicide Careless accident Delusional thinking Overdose Disillusionment with human life Losing your mind / insanity

I understand so in short you neglect your material life on this earth. You are not as motivated because reward from constantly being high is good enough to make you satisfied with life. You don't have a feeling of change anymore. But you need to change and do stuff because survival is still at play, although you can override it from time to time with being high. I hope that's what you mean although I don't understand how it can lead to suicide and death. Because you think after death you get instant infinite love? Or because you neglected your life so hard that your relationship, your finance and physical health is broken beyond repair.

Many, many ways. The constant use of psychedelics will make you lose touch with reality, make you ungrounded, make you weak and avoidant of hard work, ruin your motivation for business and personal development, make you irresponsible, leads to spiritual bypassing, will ruin your physical health, will cause physical injury, and eventually suicide or death. As I said in my traps video, unsustainable lifestyles are a trap. You cannot keep being constantly intoxicated. This will absolutely destroy your life. Stop bullshitting yourselves about this. Just because I speak highly of psychedelics does not mean I condone such abuse of them. Many of you guys will ruin your lives if you don't wise up and get back to the fundamentals of hard work.

I agree with most of what you said, but this ICC stuff is mostly political theater. We get it, everyone hates Israel. Now what have you achieved? Is international isolation going to make Israel commit suicide and cede the land to the Palestinians? Of course not. What's more likely is that isolation makes nations more aggressive, as we've seen throughout history. The U.S. is both Israel's greatest ally and the only one capable of tempering them and reigning them in. It's a double edged sword. Without the link to the U.S. they'd just be another nation trampling a group of people whom no one cares about on a scale much greater than Israel. Which is what is happening all over the world right now. It's clear new leadership is needed on both sides, and with that there is the possibility for renewed hope. The longer this drags without a push for statehood, the worse it will become.

@Leo Gura Leo but what I just remembered now is that hamas has always increased the terror just after it smelled a breakthrough in the negotations between Israelis and Palestinians. A very famous example is Oslo agreement in 1993 when after it has been signed, a series of terrible suicide terror attacks has started as an attempt to fail it. Paradoxically, the most extreme parts of the Palestinians aren't interested in any of the oppression issues. Because if they were, they wouldn't try to fail the negotiations. The "right-wing" of the Palestinians try similarily to the right wing of Israel to fail any negotiation and a chance to achieve a deal. So according to this, hamas is this right wing of the Palestinian side, who don't want anything other the total annihilation of Israel, and the occupation of the West Bank as it sees in 1967 doesn't matter to him at all, but 1948 is.

@Clarence That’s tough sorry to hear that man I completely understand the burden that our elderly relatives can create for us. The neo liberal capitalist system does not provide much of a collective responsibility to the elderly so we can only do what we can whilst having to survive ourselves Do not feel bad that you want to leave that situation. It is massively holding your life back and of course you will want to get out. The truth is either your grandmother is really not in her normal headspace or is being very selfish - but don’t blame her for that. my grandfather has been a real burden for my dad. He is in a care home now but the amount of support he felt he had to provide him along with my grandmother. Both basically fucked and went down hill in the worst way. Parkinson’s, sepsis not good. You gotta help them but they wouldn’t even help my dad by making the support situation more tenable by moving closer so less travel time - this was not right. My grandfather has this expectation that he should be there for everything. This is wrong actually. You can support them but there is a limit to that Tbh it is just selfish. You are at the end of your life and your children are still living theirs. You should never feel like you have to help out of obligation but because you genuinely want to because the burden is very real. Honestly if I had kids I’d never want to put them or my grandkids through that. They have a life to lead and my body is on its way out. Personally if I had dementia, before losing it completely I’d rather have voluntary suicide. It would be the best way to go not just for you personally but for your relatives. Of course I’d like to think my kids would support me when I get old obviously but I would never expect them to be there for every beck and call to the point that it massively disrupts their lives. That’s just not fair I think this is a major issue. What I have just said there is extremely controversial though it shouldn’t be. We can only do what we can but don’t let this hold your life back. You cannot be responsible when you are young and have a life to lead Think about what the Buddha did. He did something very selfish by leaving his wife and kids needing to find an answer to suffering. He knew he could not do this in the situation he was in. Sometimes we have to be selfish to better served others in the future rather than becoming diminished. I would suggest finding a middle ground if you can but first and foremost don’t feel guilty for how you feel. That situation is a bitch and you are young

I came here to write about my suicidal thoughts, but I decided to have a look at this forum, and I noticed many people are thinking about the same issue. Here are my tips to deal with suicidal thoughts: - Whenever you think suicidal, run for 10 minutes, and notice how your day gets brighter for the next two days. - Whenever you feel the world is against you, remember it is most likely a "know-how" issue, and take pledge to learn about reality a bit more. - Read books about influence, and seduction, in this way, you will learn how to influence the world and people around you in a way that makes your life better. Here are four books: "48 laws of power", and "The Art of seduction", by Robert Grene. Also "Influence" and "Pre-Suasion" by Robert Chaldini" -Watch Actualized.org videos 3 times a week. - and finally, be patient, this ignorance that you enjoy isn't only yours, it is in fact accumulated from several hundred of generation throughout the history of mankind, so be proud that you will be a part of the solution.

The next trap is staying with a man after he verbally abuses you. If a man is verbally abusive to you, that's it. It's over. You're not going to fix that relationship. So one of the things that you do as you mature and you wise up is that you get wise about what will and won't work in a relationship, and then you stop having fantasies and kind of bullshitting yourself about relationships that won't work. You just see it. Well, you know, this person's been verbally abusive to me a couple of times, it's over. It's not going to work. Whereas if you're young and naive, you can start to think like, well, but my feelings for him will make us work it out. Our love is so strong, we can work past that. It's like, no, you're not going to work past that. Another trap is getting into a romantic relationship with a mentally ill person. Now, look, this is difficult because plenty of people who watch my content suffer from mental illness, and I'm not trying to demean people with mental illness and difficulties in that regard, but also, we have to be honest. Being in romantic relationships with people who have schizophrenia or BPD or bipolar disorder, I mean, this can be a nightmare. It can be a nightmare. It can be one of the biggest traps of your life, marrying such a person, having children with such a person. That doesn't mean these people are bad or there's anything wrong with them per se. It's just that, like, being in romantic relationships with people who have these kinds of conditions, I mean, it's going to be real difficult to make that work. I'm not saying you can't make that work. I'm sure there's examples where people with these kinds of conditions do find love and it works for them. But, like, realistically, there's going to be so many problems there. Just like, again, it's just about, I'm just trying to caution you about being realistic about what you're getting yourself into. Another trap here is investing yourself completely into a relationship. Your relationship should not be the thing that completes you. That's a mistake because a person can always leave you, and then what are you going to be? And then will you be able to relate properly with that other person if you're always afraid that they're going to leave you because you are so completely invested in the relationship that if they leave you, to you, that's like death. This could actually lead to suicide. A lot of people commit suicide this way because they're so overly invested in a relationship. They got nothing else going for them in their life. They're not self-actualizing. They're not developing their career, their business, and other stuff like that, their spiritual connection to reality, that when somebody leaves them, their whole world collapses. Me, I've developed such a rich life living alone so long that if I get into a relationship and then I lose the relationship, it hurts. It can really hurt for a few weeks, for a month. It can hurt like a [expletive]. But then after that, it's kind of amazing. Like, I'm like, "Wow, it's like I awoke from a dream." And it's like, whether that person is in my life or not in my life, it doesn't impact how I feel about my life almost at all. I'm as happy as I ever was. Like, my satisfaction does not depend upon any person in my life. And that's because I've kind of designed it that way. Of course, there's sort of an opposite problem is that you can get too independent. And in fact, I've fallen into this problem is that I'm too much of a loner. I'm too independent. I'm too disconnected from people to the point where then I struggle in intimate relationships to then, of course, to commit to those relationships because it's the opposite sort of problem. So that's a double-sided trap right there. You've got to watch out for. Get the balance right on that. Of course, getting married to the wrong person can be a huge trap. Having children with the wrong person can be a huge trap. Engaging in criminal behavior, that's an obvious trap. And the trap of criminal behavior is that usually when you do it the first time, you never get caught. And in fact, you can do criminal behavior 10, 20 times and never get caught. You can go shoplifting 20 times and never get caught. And most likely, you'll get away with it. But then that 21st time, you get caught, and your whole life is destroyed. The next trap is getting physically violent. Violence is always a trap because violence begets violence. And then that comes with criminal charges and that comes with regret and that comes with retribution and negative emotions and drama. You don't want this in your life. And sometimes you can be driven to such a rage that you just want to get violent, especially if you're faced with some sort of very unfair situation. If you're treated very unfairly and you're at your wit's end and have no other recourse, eventually you're going to lash out in violence. But you have to watch out and prevent yourself from doing that because that can be very dangerous. Even just one time of that can be very dangerous. Could ruin your whole life. Next is expecting spiritual gurus to be perfect. Most of them aren't. Next is the trap of thinking that enlightenment will be a cure-all for all of your low development issues, for your immaturity, for your shadow, for your survival issues, for your money problems. Enlightenment is not going to fix these for you. So the fantasy of enlightenment, that's a huge trap. There's a lot. A whole episode could be made about just the fantasies of enlightenment and awakening. Pursuing spirituality if you're too young without mastering the basics of survival, this is a big trap that I've pointed out many times to you guys already. Sometimes I even think that even at my age— I'm almost 40 now—even at my age, like, I sometimes regret getting into spirituality this young because I think that, like, really, I still during my young years—you know, during my 30s, 40s, even 50s—I should be doing all the active stuff, the stuff that takes a lot of energy, that takes all of my best health, and then later when I'm in my 60s and later, if I'm still kicking, then, um, that's where I should be sitting on the couch all day meditating. That's really the proper order of things. So, you know, be careful if you're in your 20s especially or even in your teens getting too heavy into philosophy and spirituality, this kind of sedentary where you're meditating and contemplating but you're not actually participating and engaging with life, you're not engaging in relationships, you're not engaging in business, you're not engaging in money-making, you're not engaging in socialization. This is a big mistake, which is not to say you should completely ignore spirituality, but like, you gotta kind of think long term and plan out your life because when you're going to get older, like I'm getting older now, I have less energy, I have less health, I'm less able to socialize, I'm less able to do active stuff. And it's only going to get worse, right? So, like, your youth is so precious, you need to really live it up, have the sex, go have fun, do the partying, go out there, work hard on your business, this kind of stuff, which is going to get harder to do when you get older because you're just not going to have the energy and the health for it. I'm telling you. And then, once your health gets worse, then you can sit and meditate all day, once you have a pile of money, you know, pile of money, you've had all the sex so you don't need sex anymore, you're not an animal, you've done all the socializing so you're happy with that, you don't need to go to parties anymore, you know, get that stuff out of your system. Use your 20s and 30s to get all that stuff out of your system so that by the time you're 40 or 50 now, you can just chill out and enjoy life without needing to have regrets about like, "Oh, well, I wish I had some more sex" or "I wish I went to more parties" and now I'm too old for that kind of thing. You want to avoid those regrets. The next trap is expecting one set of teachings to be all that you need. No one set of teachings will be enough for you. You need a lot more than that to figure out life. The next trap is treating awakening as a binary thing: either you're awake or you're not awake, on or off. No, that's not how consciousness works. Treating all spiritual teachings as the same, all the different schools of teachings, the Buddhists and the Hindus, and they're all talking about the same thing, and Leo's talking about the same thing, no, we're not all talking about the same thing. Next is making yourself too busy. You need downtime to integrate and contemplate. You need actually more downtime than you think. It would be nice to have at least an hour a day to yourself where you just sit and contemplate all the stuff that happened to you throughout the day.

The next trap is staying with a man after he verbally abuses you. If a man is verbally abusive to you, that's it. It's over. You're not going to fix that relationship. So one of the things that you do as you mature and you wise up is that you get wise about what will and won't work in a relationship, and then you stop having fantasies and kind of bullshitting yourself about relationships that won't work. You just see it. Well, you know, this person's been verbally abusive to me a couple of times, it's over. It's not going to work. Whereas if you're young and naive, you can start to think like, well, but my feelings for him will make us work it out. Our love is so strong, we can work past that. It's like, no, you're not going to work past that. Another trap is getting into a romantic relationship with a mentally ill person. Now, look, this is difficult because plenty of people who watch my content suffer from mental illness, and I'm not trying to demean people with mental illness and difficulties in that regard, but also, we have to be honest. Being in romantic relationships with people who have schizophrenia or BPD or bipolar disorder, I mean, this can be a nightmare. It can be a nightmare. It can be one of the biggest traps of your life, marrying such a person, having children with such a person. That doesn't mean these people are bad or there's anything wrong with them per se. It's just that, like, being in romantic relationships with people who have these kinds of conditions, I mean, it's going to be real difficult to make that work. I'm not saying you can't make that work. I'm sure there's examples where people with these kinds of conditions do find love and it works for them. But, like, realistically, there's going to be so many problems there. Just like, again, it's just about, I'm just trying to caution you about being realistic about what you're getting yourself into. Another trap here is investing yourself completely into a relationship. Your relationship should not be the thing that completes you. That's a mistake because a person can always leave you, and then what are you going to be? And then will you be able to relate properly with that other person if you're always afraid that they're going to leave you because you are so completely invested in the relationship that if they leave you, to you, that's like death. This could actually lead to suicide. A lot of people commit suicide this way because they're so overly invested in a relationship. They got nothing else going for them in their life. They're not self-actualizing. They're not developing their career, their business, and other stuff like that, their spiritual connection to reality, that when somebody leaves them, their whole world collapses. Me, I've developed such a rich life living alone so long that if I get into a relationship and then I lose the relationship, it hurts. It can really hurt for a few weeks, for a month. It can hurt like a [expletive]. But then after that, it's kind of amazing. Like, I'm like, "Wow, it's like I awoke from a dream." And it's like, whether that person is in my life or not in my life, it doesn't impact how I feel about my life almost at all. I'm as happy as I ever was. Like, my satisfaction does not depend upon any person in my life. And that's because I've kind of designed it that way. Of course, there's sort of an opposite problem is that you can get too independent. And in fact, I've fallen into this problem is that I'm too much of a loner. I'm too independent. I'm too disconnected from people to the point where then I struggle in intimate relationships to then, of course, to commit to those relationships because it's the opposite sort of problem. So that's a double-sided trap right there. You've got to watch out for. Get the balance right on that. Of course, getting married to the wrong person can be a huge trap. Having children with the wrong person can be a huge trap. Engaging in criminal behavior, that's an obvious trap. And the trap of criminal behavior is that usually when you do it the first time, you never get caught. And in fact, you can do criminal behavior 10, 20 times and never get caught. You can go shoplifting 20 times and never get caught. And most likely, you'll get away with it. But then that 21st time, you get caught, and your whole life is destroyed. The next trap is getting physically violent. Violence is always a trap because violence begets violence. And then that comes with criminal charges and that comes with regret and that comes with retribution and negative emotions and drama. You don't want this in your life. And sometimes you can be driven to such a rage that you just want to get violent, especially if you're faced with some sort of very unfair situation. If you're treated very unfairly and you're at your wit's end and have no other recourse, eventually you're going to lash out in violence. But you have to watch out and prevent yourself from doing that because that can be very dangerous. Even just one time of that can be very dangerous. Could ruin your whole life. Next is expecting spiritual gurus to be perfect. Most of them aren't. Next is the trap of thinking that enlightenment will be a cure-all for all of your low development issues, for your immaturity, for your shadow, for your survival issues, for your money problems. Enlightenment is not going to fix these for you. So the fantasy of enlightenment, that's a huge trap. There's a lot. A whole episode could be made about just the fantasies of enlightenment and awakening. Pursuing spirituality if you're too young without mastering the basics of survival, this is a big trap that I've pointed out many times to you guys already. Sometimes I even think that even at my age— I'm almost 40 now—even at my age, like, I sometimes regret getting into spirituality this young because I think that, like, really, I still during my young years—you know, during my 30s, 40s, even 50s—I should be doing all the active stuff, the stuff that takes a lot of energy, that takes all of my best health, and then later when I'm in my 60s and later, if I'm still kicking, then, um, that's where I should be sitting on the couch all day meditating. That's really the proper order of things. So, you know, be careful if you're in your 20s especially or even in your teens getting too heavy into philosophy and spirituality, this kind of sedentary where you're meditating and contemplating but you're not actually participating and engaging with life, you're not engaging in relationships, you're not engaging in business, you're not engaging in money-making, you're not engaging in socialization. This is a big mistake, which is not to say you should completely ignore spirituality, but like, you gotta kind of think long term and plan out your life because when you're going to get older, like I'm getting older now, I have less energy, I have less health, I'm less able to socialize, I'm less able to do active stuff. And it's only going to get worse, right? So, like, your youth is so precious, you need to really live it up, have the sex, go have fun, do the partying, go out there, work hard on your business, this kind of stuff, which is going to get harder to do when you get older because you're just not going to have the energy and the health for it. I'm telling you. And then, once your health gets worse, then you can sit and meditate all day, once you have a pile of money, you know, pile of money, you've had all the sex so you don't need sex anymore, you're not an animal, you've done all the socializing so you're happy with that, you don't need to go to parties anymore, you know, get that stuff out of your system. Use your 20s and 30s to get all that stuff out of your system so that by the time you're 40 or 50 now, you can just chill out and enjoy life without needing to have regrets about like, "Oh, well, I wish I had some more sex" or "I wish I went to more parties" and now I'm too old for that kind of thing. You want to avoid those regrets. The next trap is expecting one set of teachings to be all that you need. No one set of teachings will be enough for you. You need a lot more than that to figure out life. The next trap is treating awakening as a binary thing: either you're awake or you're not awake, on or off. No, that's not how consciousness works. Treating all spiritual teachings as the same, all the different schools of teachings, the Buddhists and the Hindus, and they're all talking about the same thing, and Leo's talking about the same thing, no, we're not all talking about the same thing. Next is making yourself too busy. You need downtime to integrate and contemplate. You need actually more downtime than you think. It would be nice to have at least an hour a day to yourself where you just sit and contemplate all the stuff that happened to you throughout the day.

It's a spiritual problem (but I understand why people think it's biological, in the materialist paradigm, it's simply not an adequate explanation). The Ego at its full swing literally wants to kill people like me with light and not go along with their deep corrupted mind. And it doesn't have to be literal murder though that could also be, but other ways like making it almost impossible for you to make money and survive in this world, socially isolate you, or psychologically abuse you so much that you either commit suicide or go insane, or all of the above. There is a "spiritual warfare" happening just almost nobody is picking this up.

Ukrainian men are all doomed to die in this war. If it was an actual invader that could be pushed off perhaps if you identified more with the people and land that were being attacked than yourself then it would make logical sense for you to die for them. From my research of the conflict though it's based on extremely convoluted geopolitical games and being just a grunt on the front lines is basically suicide for both parties so to call that a duty seems pretty crazy to me.

In this clip Leo talks about suicide and the challenges around it. He says in the absolute sense, suicide is not morally wrong. I somewhat agree. Then Leo proceeds to say - death is infinite love, this is where I suffer a temporary moment of mindfuck. How is death supposed to mean infinite love? Then he says the absolute purpose of this work is to recontextualize everything around you in the here and now and be able to see the beauty in the present moment. But my question is that if this present moment represents all the beauty and infinite love, then why can't death also represent same? How does death become any lower in value than the experience of the present moment and why should death not be on the same plane as living in the present moment? Is it not possible to love this challenge that entails loving the present moment and love death at the same time? Also as Leo says to make a commitment to suffer it out no matter what, I guess it's easier said than done. Would this imply that suicide is un-spiritual?

I committed suicide before and I know I'm past that shit now but there is a deep fear in me that I'm capable of doing it again despite the fact that I know I wouldn't do that and I don't have any reason to do that but I'm afraid specially when I take psychedelics that if I get stuck in negative thought patterns I would kill myself it's a twisted shit and I haven't discovered how to deal with it yet I know it's stupid intellectually because I don't wanna do that but then again I'm afraid of doing it I would appreciate other perspectives on this situation

Firstly, this going to get a lot of stick & some guys might call me pathetic especially anyone shorter & I'm sorry, I am just being honest about how I personally feel. This isn't intended to whine or be all woes me, I just have such a strong ambition to be a ladies man & I am about 5 foot 8 - 5 foot 9, (somewhere between 173 - 175 CM) & I refuse to measure myself because I'm scared it's even 172-173. I am from European countries where young people are very tall, I'd say male average is normally about 5 foot 11, but I continuously see men 6 foot plus & see plenty women my height I spent most of my life thinking I was average height, but now I realize I am short & I am too short for women's standards. I'm not here to moan or hate women but I will admit that I want to date & have casual sex // relationships too with women I find attractive. But I just don't measure up & my chances in pick up are extremely slim. I've been ripped in perfect shape & I still can't compete with skinny or fat guys if they are 5 foot 11 plus, they are tall enough I am not end of story. I didn't care about height but that didn't change the fact that women really do. I don't mind if a girl is 5 foot tall or 5 foot 9. Now I come to the dark truth of how challow & specific society is. Society loves their specific preferences & measurements ... It's ashame beacause I'm not that picky, girl doesn't have to have a huge ass or tits, or be a certain height, as long as I feel attractive then thats enough for me, but the girls always so picky I can get the number sometimes but they always end up ignoring me. I have all the other qualities apart from height, don't say "it's your attitude" because I have litterally been extremely confident before,acted happy, funny in the moment, ripped physique & social and still couldn't get the girls. I have lost all motivation to live & I am considering suicide. I really value relationships & for years & years I have wanted at least 1 decent looking women (with good personality), but who actually wants me & find me attractive & wouldnt cheat or look down on me for being short I feel insecure walking on the street & in my city there are tons of beautiful women, always walking around with tall handsome men. No I don't want to move to indonesia or somewhere & that isn't practical for me right now. I can't focus on my work & business goals right now and all my thoughts get constantly devoted to this I get obssessed with it & have obsessive mind I go to clubs but it's hard to hide my insecurity, even when i'm feeling confident I can't stand out at clubs because height is everything & the only obvious thing I am going to drink alcohol becasue I can't take the pain & probably commit suicide. I don't want sympathy or your polite bullshit or white lies or "go see a psychologist", they won't make me taller & give me a big dick. So no. Why am I posting this? Because I might as well post this first before I give in in defeat, but I don't think anything will change. Realizing that society is so chimp like is depressing. If only I could get girls with my charm & my skills or my sense of style or my phsyique, all things I have & develop but they just want the bigger chimp with the bigger cock.

On the weekend I was completely alone. I cleaned, meditated and calmed my symptoms right down. I managed to get my mind reasonably calm, and listened to some ambient music, and some of the old positive feelings at times came back Inner peace and zen + Ambience can be so beautiful sometimes. It takes the mind to incredible places. Makes me wonder if the greatest forms of beauty come from within the mind rather than in the senses. I'm going to create a finalized plan and list of things to do this week, then next week I'm just going to take completely off and chill. I will rest in nature and meditation, and all this will lead up to next weekend and I can hopefully enjoy the boxing and the end of the football season. After this I'm probably going back to work. I'm not going to spend any more time researching this for a while and just stick to following a list of practical things to do and see what happens. Still having thoughts of suicide. It is a back up plan if all else fails. I know how I'd spend my final days. But I don't want to die, I want to get better. Lets go dude.

Why shouldn't a person kill themselves if they feel like it? They probably are not going to go to hell or something like that, so what reason there is for staying alive?

I learned a lot from watching this video. First, I felt empathy for this guy. Some people have a genetic polymorphism that makes the methylation process of the body harder. Thus, it makes it harder for these individuals with this polymorphism to detox heavy metals as the body's detoxification process depends upon methylation. What is Methylation and Why Should You Care About it

I can't do it anymore, I just can't fucking do it anymore. It's exhausting, it's nauseating, it doesn't make any sense, and I am too conscious of its limits to continue. A life serving the self and the mind is an arduous, empty, infuriating, unfulfilling endeavor where the only certainty is suffering. My failures are catastrophic and my victories are hollow, bringing only a few minutes of satisfaction before I feel inadequate again. I no longer posses the energy to judge others or my self anymore, I'm tired of hating, complaining, and suffering. My limited conditions for happiness are never met and are guaranteed to fail in a universe where the destiny of all forms is annihilation. My mind has driven me to the brink of suicide and back over and over and over and over and over and over- Enough!!! I don't care anymore!!! I'm done... I'm done... my only desire right now is to empty myself of myself until only God remains. I just want to rest in peace. I've wandered off of this path dozens of times, wandered unconsciously back into hell, I can't do it anymore. It's just too painful. Absolutely nothing brings happiness except spirituality, everything else hypnotizes you back into hell.