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@Mikael89 ??? Mikael is always having this question ? If self realisation is a brain stuff ? Does it matter if it is a brain stuff or not. Let scientists bother about that ??? Science can propose theories on evolution from single celled org blah blah but how single celled org came cannot be answered by science ? Can it. Whats the intelligence behind that single celled org ? Science cannot prove the existence of formless spirits ??? but mantriks do control them. Can scientists create a single celled org ??? -------------------------------- Even otherwise I am not pursuing self realisation to claim I am Dog ??? I am not pursuing self realisation for knowing about or gaining knowledge about reality omniscience Dog Infinity ??? to gain supernatural powers ??? For me it is about transcending the mind and be at peace leading a healthy (bliss - peace of self,mental health,physical health and a disciplined life ??? @Preetom

Yes. I agree with you. But there are more effective ways like psychedelics if the purpose is to get 'interested' in spirituality. Taking a psychologically and physically demanding 10 day retreat is not the best method to get 'interested'. The opposite is more likely to happen. People tend to break down and experience challenging traumatic experiences, dark night of the souls more often than experiencing this impermanent 'bliss' sporadically in a 10 day retreat which motivates them to meditate every hour from then on. Skill is required to deal with the challenge of retreats and beginners are not well equipped to deal with them. Again, we should think of a 10-day retreat as a serious mental marathon. Just as you wouldn't recommend a fat person to do a marathon, nor should you recommend a beginner meditator to do 10+ sits a day. They won't get the essence of spirituality that way. Ease down on the intensity. Focus on daily practice, consistency, fundamentals, and strategy. These should be the core values for a beginner.

Hi all, Recently, I went to a 10 day silent, samatha & vipassana retreat at Big Bear Meditation Center in California. The course was taught by Sayadaw U Agganna, who is a teacher in the Pa Auk tradition. My previous experience with vipassana was at two Goenka centers in California. In the Pa Auk method, it is taught to first develop your concentration and later to start vipassana. They do give a separate method if you want to go straight to vipassana. For the majority of the retreat, I ended up focusing on concentration- anapanasati, which is mindfulness/concentration on the breath. As one develops focused attention to the breath, the body becomes pain free, calm, bliss like and a “nimitta” will appear. With closed eyes, nimitta are lights that appear around the nose and face. As it develops it becomes more stable, brighter, and usually white. After one achieves this and is able to stabilize the nimitta, one will then proceed to the jhana states. They teach that after the jhanas are mastered, the meditator has the choice to further develop concentration with other meditation objects (10 kasinas, skeleton meditation, etc) or go on to vipassana. My experience: The first few days were difficult because I was accustomed to the Goenka method of watching sensations. Here, you are taught to have one pointed concentration. So the meditator picks one spot in the nose or upper lip area and focus solely on the in and out breathe right at that point. It doesn’t matter the type of sensation nor how intense it is. After day 3, I started to get the peaceful feeling throughout my body and I started seeing lights. It was kinda cool and felt like I was getting it. During day 4-7, I was able to further develop my concentration. The bliss, peaceful feeling that I experienced was incredible. It almost felt orgasmic in a way. At times, I would get so sweaty and my breathing would become fast, then the breath would slow down to barely perceptible. The lights I saw were blue, purple, and moving. When I was in this state, sometimes thoughts would cease and at times thoughts would appear but would be softer somehow. Maybe I was in the jhana at this time because I was totally absorbed. With all these good feelings, I realized that I was reaching and trying to recreate this peaceful bodily feeling constantly during my sits, making it into a craving. I developed a very bad constant headache too. After I recognizing that craving for bliss sits, I decided to back off on forcing anything and solely focus on awareness of the breath and ignore the bodily sensations (which is what I should have been doing anyway but the bodily sensations were so pleasant). The last few days were easier going and not as intense, however, my concentration/ focus continued to improve. The nimitta lights became more stable. In between sits, I felt more present to whatever I was doing. The most distracting thing I experienced was, is, and maybe ever will be - thoughts. At first, I was just trying to ignore, squash, and redirect them back to breath. Later, I realized that ignoring was making it worse, so I just tried doing metta meditation for myself and/or would acknowledge thoughts and try not to follow them, then gently redirect attention back to the breath. We also experienced the earthquakes as we were located about 2hours30 mins from the epicenter. This had the effect of worrying about outside concerns- worrying about families, our safety, etc… so last few days were odd. Overall, I enjoyed my experience and a few things to note: Pa Auk method- this method lays out what to expect along the journey. It gives a map to enlightenment or arahatship. If you are more analytical or appreciate the roadmap ahead, then you might like this method versus the Goenka style retreat. I don’t know about the longer Goenka retreats, maybe they give you this information. But I really liked learning that about the path. I found it immensely helpful to have a teacher that you can talk to. At Goenka, I haven’t found that the assistant teachers were very open about the path. You can also find about these maps/paths in Dan Ingram’s book and many other sources. When difficulties arise or thoughts become too much, metta meditation is the best. Learning to accept where we are at is so key and that takes love of oneself. Not to beat oneself up or judge oneself is hard, metta can truly help. I wouldn't even do metta for anyone else, just myself. I enjoyed working on my concentration in a way that I hadn’t before. I see now the value in doing anapana meditation in order to prep oneself for vipassana. For those having difficulty with sitting due to pain, it might be worth it to learn this method. Truly, once my concentration developed, the pain would disappear. I have a lot of knee pain and right leg pain due to a pinched nerve. I was able to do strong determination sits without trying to. Since I’ve returned home, I haven’t reached the high level that I did while there. Maybe that is expected. I have noticed that during retreat and since, my dreams have become so real that I find myself moving a lot at night. Like I woke myself up two nights ago and I had my arm up in the air, swiping at something. While on retreat, I would have these like energy jolts that would also wake me up. For those looking for a long, free retreat, there are several Pa Auk centers in Burma that do not charge. Our teacher said you could even go for a year. They offer private kutis, washer/dryer, doctors that visit… all free. If you want to read about this method, the book Knowing and Seeing by Pa Auk is great. Its available as a free download.

Based on my readings and experience with people, Extraversion is a personality trait where people want the company of others. These are the people who are depressed when they say - I feel so lonely, I have no friends. They feel like people not liking them is the worst thing in the world. These are the people mad about not having a girlfriend by x age, wanting to look cool compared to their social circle. For me, frankly, I am not lying, these are completely foreign emotions to me and at the same time ridiciously illogical. I have never understood the phrase " I feel so lonely, I have no friends" . Also, having such cravings , from a spiritual/buddhist point of view, is lack of development, because that means you are attached to the appearance of this 'life dream' Introverts, do not have such impulses to talk to people ( cannot say for every introvert, but I don't have these, and I am an introvert, so this is what I think) I used to be friends with an extroverts. I didn't used to talk much , but my friends used to talk about all illogical shits- Who is dating whom, comparing people, criticizing people, spreading rumors about people. I used to be in relationship with a girl, and for no reason they would start talking about her and with no evidence or any logic at all would say things like she doesn't like you, she is dating other guy. They would love to criticize each other, trying to get reactions out of each other and me, for no reason. Then I did some studying about personality, and read that one of the traits of extraverts have more tendency to engage in confrontations , extraverts are more aggressive (again, a sign of low development, since high morality and control of aggression is associated with the prefrontal cortex of the brain (Medical physiology Guyton and all) like wise Peacefullness , Blissfulness in solitude is ofcourse associated with higher spiritual development). It's like it is an 'itch' for extraverts to perform all those drama. It is an impulse.They do not feel happy without doing all the shits that they do. If they are alone, they panic, they immediately try to mingle with 'the herd'. I have observed this 'neediness' in countless of occasion. Observing that, I can say that it is like an impulse within them, a panic response. And for most people, this is the case , based on my observations of many many people in the course of my life. And yea, there is something opposite also. There is also a psychology where such need is absolutely absent. There is just very deep , holy bliss in silence and solitude. And that evidence(best evidence for me) is me. I have deep, peaceful kind of silence within me that gives me peace when I am alone in tune with nature. I don't need the company of others, but I can entertain a butterfly if it comes flying and sits besides me and enjoys nature with me.

@Leo Gura have you read the 'discourses' by Meher Baba? I have not yet but I've opened it at random and he seems to lie in the direction that you are taking with your teachings - more 'feminine' and with care and love for humanity as a whole. He also emphasizes God as Infinite Love. As an excerpt, p.399: "Those who try to understand God through the intellect alone arrive at some cold and dry concept that misses the very essence of the nature of God. It is true that God is Infinite Knowledge, Infinite Existence, Infinite Power, and Infinite Bliss; but God is not understood in His essence until He is also understood as Infinite Love."

@Jkris Actually, that is a great and precise explanation. Ego is the fake identity, which when completely dissolves, all suffering ends. That's the beginning of the enlightenment spectrum so to speak. It starts with the end of suffering, and ends with infinite levels of bliss. On the other hand, complete permanent no-self is impossible while being alive. The less one becomes attached to survival, the more happy they become. The less one tries to manipulate and control things, the more blissful they become. But there has to be a limit for that, because otherwise it will inevitably lead to physical death. Physical death is 100% God consciousness and bliss, while maintaining a 99% God consciousness in my opinion is the permanent no-self that enlightened people talk about. And actually, death is the ultimate goal of life, both metaphorically (conceptual) and literally (physical).

Or you could simply click a certain part of any video and see what it has to say, i do this often with books, randomly open a page and read the first thing i see, it usually is quite insightful and synchronistic with whatever i am doing at that moment. For example: I randomly clicked the video with the blue shirt at the 30:10 mark and the next few minutes were very refreshing and insightful for me - All the 'trying' in the world is your way of saying i am not yet ready to actually change. You are always divinely guided and in flow with divinity but you are not in the complete present moment to notice it cause in reality, we get caught up in the mind thus slightly in the past/future ect.. we do not notice that everything is perfect here and now. We can enjoy the ride however we wish, the mind will just get in the way of creations infinitely intelligent flow, when we finally become present, we will notice we've been enjoying and were enlightened all along but due to our attachments of the mind and of time past/future we chose to experience a very limited and narrow perspective of the ride. I noticed this on a psychedelic experience i had a while ago, the whole time i was caught up in thought, that the moment i let go completely, i realized i was in bliss the whole time but due to the attachment of thought, i was experiencing a very narrow and limiting reality of the whole that when i finally came back to the present, my past of that whole night had completely changed and i remembered a whole new experience rather than the one i thought i was experiencing.

Hmm ok I see what you're saying I suppose but I still don't see why I see things this way and why it is the way it is if I have this true nature or whatever underneath. Do you understand why there is good and evil in the world? Doesn't make sense to me why many people would go unconscious their whole life and do bad, I mean I understand how it happens but I don't understand why it exists in the first place if God is good. Is it possible to be a bad person and do terrible things and be enlightened and full of bliss? Or is there a phenomenon of being conciousness and doing good because to be concious is to be good?

@possibilities LOL. You gave me a chuckle. Not a bot or a hot chick just trying to provide wisdom with love. @kieranperez perhaps i was too high level but bullshitting you isn't gonna help you either. From a pragmatic POV which is from where you asked the question i will say this. Suck it up! There is no magic pill. You are gonna have to survive while you figure yourself out and there will be suffering involved. But there will also be bliss and good times. Embrace both and NEVER ever give in or give up. That's how you win in life. By losing so many times that it hurts. And then you win.

There is a difference between no-ego and no-self. No-ego means enlightenment (ego-death). It's like becoming a baby, instinct leads the way. Full authenticity mode. It works very well for survival. It can be permanent. No-self means actual death. It's a dangerous state. If you ever happened to glimpse it, you wouldn't even care about survival, and you wouldn't mind dying. You would have the strength to absorb the pain of the whole world and you without even breaking a sweat. It's pure bliss. Luckily, it's a temporary state, and you will go back to normal after a little while, unless you decide not to.

@Grant NZ well remember in order for something to have a form it will ultimately suffer. Purely because it is finite and also because It needs to maintain that form to survive - which ultimately cannot be sustained. The formless is Infinite, Absolute Love, Bliss/Nirvana and infinite Intelligence. Both form and formless - finite and infinite are still God and God loves all of itself. It is One. Awakening to yourself allows you to see this and to see that in fact everything is nirvana! That's God's intention and you are it!

@SunnyNewDay Just sharing my perspective. There is no free will.Nor as an individual we dont have control over the events that are happening.The world we live in is like that so no point in brooding over that. In other words if you think it is - it is.If you dont think about it.It is not. The only possibility is to live a concious life. Drop the idea of permanance.Permanant bliss and happiness.Nothing is permanant. Experiences come and go and dont cling to experiences.Equanimity is the key.In other words treat happiness and suffering alike and dont cling to them.Let go. You are not your experiences. -------------------------------- Rest follow the path and realize they are illusions. @Aakash Aakash your name keeps comming.The above post is not intended for you.???

Just became conscious of this. The flower I'm looking at right now is I, there is no distinction or seperation. The flower and I are the same One. I'm literally looking through God's eyes as God. I'm in bliss right now.

Why is there so much evil and suffering in the world? There is so much darkness, disgusting, downright evil things that happen on earth. Why does it happen? Why does it exist? Why do I feel like part of it is me? Why do I fear it? Why is it part of creation? How is it possible to be in complete bliss and happiness and feel safe knowing this stuff exists and there is always some danger out there such as an air plane crash, fire, murder, rape or robbery? Is it possible to not have to ever experience complete darkness like this if you try your best to be a good person and live a conscious and good life?

@Wisebaxter the term ignorance is bliss is actually a funny one, it simply means ‘the day you are able to stop thinking about the question, is the day you will be in heaven” so the solution is simple lol, contemplate one and many and get to 0. Once you realise nothing is going on, then who is making the decision? No - one. (No-thing) Consciousness is existence itself playing out. In other words, it’s neither, both, none , one, so you’ll stop caring about the question. The answer is therefore not something you can derive by someone telling you. You will only receive slight truths. So in your position, it’s better to tell the person: there is no free will, because you are going to nothing. When you are in god consciousnes and you come back to everything. Then you will find, there is complete free will. Still you must have both insights for yourself and the one you are lacking first is the insight. That there is no free will. So realise first there is no free will.

@Aakash Let me tell you that the reason buddha reached nirvana was because he contemplated the nature of things by extracating them from himself. This is the reason why buddhist teachings tell you to give up all pleasures. Simply to contemplate the nature of everything. and then give it up. The method is inefficent in the 21st century. Whilst buddha was alive it was easier, did he have to contemplate technology. I think not! Therefore its not even an understatement to say that leo's in the same place as buddha... he's just lol more well educated. so he's not more enlightened, but he is more enlightened LOL. and at the same time, there is only one void, so yeah i guess they reached it just by different means. But my point is in the 21ST CENTURY. LEO's teachings are the best for nirvana. the other traditions are too confusing. Still only self inquiry is probably the best, it depends if you do it to find nothing and to find everything. I'm not sure how meditation works, i feel like meditation is a cheat cheat method, but meditation is poor itself at getting you to nirvana, letting your thoughts pass won't get you insights. unfortunately you have to think. I guess what meditation is, is grace. Your essentially asking for grace from nothing to come and download all information into your head lol like literally "ohh lord will you bless me with nirvana" . like when buddha was meditating, he was probably wasn't thinking to reach enlightenment (no mind) and then when he was travelling around he was in god consciousness thinking. but he only talked abut enlightenment and never nirvana because its impossible. Still lol infinity has every possibilities, so its not unfair to say that meditation is like a blessing but the awakening isn't rich and this is biscally adayshanti, his awakening isn't rich. But maybe he's just not talking about it... i'm not sure, its like i said i haven't thought about any of this yet. My human mind busy contemplating other things. (not my god consciousness) I'm not sure lol, edit: lol i can write about all of it but in other words , nirvana is ultimate bliss and peace, because you never have to use your mind again... "supposedly" you still have to decide whats for breakfast, but you would have broken down the major dualities that this would become minor... like to break down the duality of "breakfast vs no breakfast" basically probably what the buddha meant by not eating. LOL its pretty long process. Still i'm not sure, there's actually a trillion more dualities in the 21st century than 450bc, so its not even comparable by any standards. LOL funny joke: Its comparable by "logs"literally ahaha like log1 is buddha and log100 is leo lol thats how many more dualities there are, but the major dualities haven't change. So once you break down the major dualities your done and your in nirvana. Its just like i said, its a human biases thing, i went to the self-actualisation school lol, so i'm obviously going to say its the better school of teaching LOL. also nirvana is existence itself, so prior to experience or consciousness

I feel like that and even better than that (since I feel bliss) most of the time, no big deal.

Yo. I did some molly (120mg) with a good friend of mine. He is very, very, very, smart. He also has watched basically all of the actualized videos. Especially the last 2 ( authority, and reality) which helped the trip alot. He was on 3g of mushrooms. The trip was just a trip, a journey, it happened you know. This is what went down: I AM. HAHAHA I love you (me), if i want nothing matters it just is idk why im writing this to you (ME) to try and prove you (ME) that I am you (ME) BUDDY IM THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE I am that There is no other. PLEASE SHOW ME AN OTHER. WHERE, WHERE, WHERE can it beee??? pff I feel powerful, grounded, surrendered, NOT blissfull. NOT perfect happiness. NOT... suffering = bliss. Nonduality. transcend the struggle. embrace fear to get to love to fall back in to fear to infinitely dance in bondage until our final... idk lol IDK if this is gonna last. PROBABLY, HOPEFULLY. im really down to become a fucking unconscious idiot again and wake the fuck up again. Yo who cares. REALLLLLLLY interested to see any replies to this. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY? NO, Im WRONG? BAHAHHA. (indulging in infinite I AMness at the moment) pardon my humanity. @Leo Gura

Jed's cool. He's well aware many people just adopt a spiritual persona and aren't really interested in Truth. So,he does away with all the crap that usually draws those people. Certainly nothing wrong with true, divine Love,Bliss,Peace etc., but acting or faking a delusional,egoic, bastardized version of the true, for the sake of indulging in a bullshit personal identity is nothing short of cringgusting.. (cringy+disgusting) .

There's a lot your misinterpreting. Remember you must discover a truth for yourself, otherwise youve only discovered a thought *about* a truth. Heaven isint a physical place, the garden of Eden isint a physical place and there wasn't a naked couple that ate a literal piece of fruit to cause damnation for all humans. This is all analogy. When you become enlightened you realise that what you truly are, is formless. Note, "formlessness" is what you have equated to "death." Not being in a body anymore. When you become enlightened you realise that everything that has ever existed is your imagination...including the idea that it is not your Imagination lol. You discover that there is nothing "essential" or singular in your body that is "you." You realise that you are imaginary. Then you enter a state of complete Bliss and selflessness and perfection and love. You will understand everything, be everything, know everything. This is not symbolic, this is literal. You will still be able to experience the place you call "earth" but it will be through the lense of infinite wisdom and understanding. Youre also literally immortal and cannot die. You need to realise that there are many layers and dimensions of understanding that you need to account for within spirituality, you can't think in a 2D format. For example...I heard a brilliant quote one time; "Most of the questions within spirituality are the wrong questions like the question 'how big is the color brown?' "

I completed inner engineering about 3 months ago and have been practicing Shambhavi ever since. I think it's important for one to realize that the actual Kriya itself is not designed for an experience. Doing the Kriya brings a certain alignment to the subtler bodies. There's a YouTube video where Sadhguru discusses this in greater detail. All that being said, everyone has different experiences, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! Some people may experience bliss, others may experience a heightened awareness. Whenever I've done the Kriya in the last 3 months, my experiences have been different. Some days i'll feel at complete ease with myself and everything around me, other days i'll feel blissful. There have also been days where after having completed the Kriya I feel sad/depressed. As far as physical experiences are concerned, I feel less sluggish and more energized, more focused and can generally do the same task in a much more efficient manner. Sleep quota has reduced for me, but not by much (45 minutes to an hour). My point is don't get hung on experiences and don't be sold on them either. When you do the Shambhavi there's a part of you that experiences something phenomenal and it's for this reason you want to keep doing it. I myself have no idea how I've managed to keep up with the practices doing them not once, but twice a day! Good luck and let me know if you have any more questions!

Media induced trigger practice is a way to develop your meditation skills in challenging sensory experiences. Our inner subjective experience can be described as various interactions of these three modalities: 1- Mental Thought 2- Mental Image 3- Emotional Body Sensations All hell and bliss in a human being's life will occur in these 3 sensory modalities. Regardless of the intensity of the experience, if you get a handle on dealing with these modalities, you'll have the master key to life. Now for formal sessions, strong determination sits are great. And for most people, these sits involve rest in these 3 modalities for a significant portion of the session. Generally, as time goes on, challenging material tends to arise. But the problem is, we are already rather expecting them. In formal meditation, we are also ready to work with them. We are also neurologically in a state of equanimity prior to the extreme sensations. This helps us develop skills but not necessarily help us apply them in daily life. We don't always have time to focus on our breaths for 20 mins and then have that challenging talk with our partner. Sometimes we need to work with the arising sensory experience with very little concentration, awareness and equanimity. You develop these skills in trigger practice. This practice tends to evoke intermediate-advanced levels of extremities in sensory experience. Mostly painful emotional sensations. Here is how to do the technique: 1- Pick an emotionally difficult media content of your choice. You can pick ANY kind of media that tends to induce fear, terror, anger, sadness, frustration, boredom, loneliness or anxiety. I'm personally HIGHLY triggered in sadness inducing TV Shows. Show me any drama, where I connect with the characters, start crying, having traffic accidents, going through break ups and experiencing misfortune. I immediately start to feel challenging emotional sensations. It tends to affect my emotional circuits. So for this practice, pick a media you are triggered by. Most people tend to choose the news as well. 2- Wait until the challenging content arises in these 3 modalities in subjective experience. This probably won't be a long wait. If it is, then you haven't chosen media that triggers challenging sensations in you. In that case, pick a different media content. 3- Develop sensory clarity and equanimity with your existing levels of concentration/awareness. This is not a practice to develop concentration and awareness per se. You want to master a different skill set. You want to do 2 main things here: - Sensory clarity: Clarify what is going on these 3 inner sensory modalities as you watch the media content. Don't miss anything and be as precise as you can. - Equanimity: Regardless of the type or kind of experiences, apply equanimity as much as possible. Equanimity is non-reactivity to pleasure and pain. 4- After it is over, do few minutes of formal session before wrapping up. This is important. Now you want to force the vulnerable nervous system which is already challenged to do one final push. Do a high quality formal meditation sit for about 5 mins. Do this closed eyes. Make sure to emphasize concentration and awareness with body relaxation. Really apply yourself and see how you can deal with the drip down effect of trigger practice. You are done! Great work. ------ After doing this practice, you can gauge your meditation level expertise. I'd say that even advanced practitioners will feel VERY challenging sensations with this technique. Not the usual bliss, jhana and absorption states Samatha meditators tend to talk about in formal sessions. But if you are truly a master, then you'll definitely work with these sensations much more effectively. You'll actually experience these 'challenging' circumstances in a state of bliss. That is when you know if you are a committed practitioner or a dabbler. So if you want to work smart and have faster progress, this should be your go-to technique for daily life practice. Let me know your comments down below.

This. God literally looks through your eyes, through your visual field, you become aware of it. At that moment, you have seen yourself. You have seen yourself as God. You have become directly conscious of God. God looks through your eyes. This is bliss and liberation. Leo has not and cannot do anything for me. I became conscious of God and that God is I by myself as it has to happen by anyone.

Ohh thanks Good to know. Now I know that even breakthrough doses don't involve necessarily blissfull states. But what's your opinion, are sub breakthrough doses for beginners plain wrong? I just felt extremely anxiety like the universe was about to collapse, and it was all just me in here and the others were like evil people that finally managed to get me into the wrong situation at the wrong time instead of doing something productively I'm sitting here with this facilitator and tryng to murder myself. Maybe a little bit exaggerated but at the peak of the anxiety that's what I felt. And that doesn't seem to have a therapeutic value, yet I'm thinking about doing it Again with a higher dose but can't really get myself to it and risk to damage something. They say I need to trust, but then stories about no bliss after breakthrough makes me wonder if it's worth it, but its still better than that oncoming ego dying phase?

Setting: (Peru) In the woods by a lake under a mountain. Solo 'ceremony' - lit some palo santo, sprayed some piri-piri fragrance (shipibo plant, not the chilli pepper). Dose: Eyeballed a lump?? Please note that this comes after 2 bufo experiences a few days before, neither were breakthroughs, one was nice, one was very difficult (both written on forum). Time: around 2pm So I halved the lump and then proceeded to put one half into the applicator before using it to blow hard up my right nostril. I then did the same with the remainder on the left nostril. The pain wasn't that bad (nowhere near how it's described online) and I feel it's all part of the experience, this discomfort grounds you and prepares you for the experience. I sat there being aware, waiting to see what would happen. The first signs were the trees and surroundings starting to get a bit more defined and wavey, and then I started to feel my skin getting hot, as if a rash was developing on my neck. This kept building and building until I realised I was feeling a really heavy bodyload. There were a lot of physical discomforts and I felt a pressure on my stomach which made me feel as though I would be sick (I never was). My body and brain were screaming for the discomforts to end - it was like when you're about to be sick and you're in that state of wanting the purge to come so you can relax. I endured this the best I could and it probably lasted around 30 minutes. Also, by 'the best I could' I mean I was half hating it thinking 'oh god why did I do this, fuck'. Whatever I looked at had a connection to the discomforts/sickness, they played off each other. It was almost unbearable at times but again I did my best to focus. I'm also glad I was reasonably secluded because even though I was sat up the whole time, I did let my head roll around and my body rock back and fourth when it felt it needed to so this would have looked weird to passers by. There was actually a guy sat nearby me but I don't think he could see me. So with all this happening I started to notice different things. With my eyes closed the visions were light but obvious; dark brown shapes that faded into the blackness were moving around crazily, so much that I decided to keep my eyes open. At some point I remember looking at the trees and bushes on the other side of the river, at this point I started hearing high frequency sounds that were repeating. Instantly I realised I was hearing the trees/bushes; they were saying something over and over again, in harmony. At times it sounded almost English but I think this was just my brain trying to decipher what they were saying. I then noticed more things were communicating with me - the water in the river, when it hit against the side of the bank it used this sound to say something (no idea what) but that was the only time I heard it - the trees were so goddamn loud. One thing here to add - I'm not one for crystals normally but I bought a moon stone whilst out here alongside other things of similar nature, mainly as reminders to stay connected which I think will help when I return home. I brought this with me to my little solo ceremony just to help set the mood and to see if I could use it in any way. Well I had the crazy closed eye visuals and I thought maybe this will help, so I closed my eyes, took the crystal in my hand and placed it in between my forehead/eyes (third eye) and instantly the visions calmed down which helped the experience as a whole. They also stayed that way for the duration. Now I can sit and analyse if it has any power, placebo effect etc but I think I'll just leave that one as it is - actually the whole experience I am just leaving as it is. It feels like there's not much my brain can actually do with re-living this experience other than possibly play or shut some things down, trying to rationalize them and this wasn't the point of the experience at all. Then, at some point this automatic communication seemed to come out of me which seemed to be what I could use to speak back out to nature. I started exhaling hard with my lips almost touching together which created this 'shoushhh' sound. This wasn't to shut the trees up, but naturally it felt like the method to communicate with them, like I was putting something back out there that they could receive. (Felt normal at the time, seems weird now but it honestly felt as though they could understand me and somehow I knew exactly how to communicate). I then noticed that just behind me there was singing which sounded child-like (no actual children around) and again the sounds produced seemed to exist on a different frequency plane (as did the whole experience). It was a very tribal sounding song, like an icaro, very catchy and seemed to have an intelligence behind it that could communicate to both humans and nature. I sang along quietly and at the time it felt like I would remember this song forever but now I can barely remember even the sound of a single word (the song wasn't in English, no idea what language - it was too faint to actually pick up on the words but the melody was obvious). Then at some point I felt things watching me, I felt someone behind me, watching me, and saw a shadow of some kind in my peripheral vision, this disappeared when I turned around. I turned back towards the river and then noticed the feeling again. Turning back around I realized I was surrounded by trees and I felt this overwhelming sense of intelligence/consciousness in each and every one. They were all watching me closely, towering over me, which actually made the forest seem quite overcrowded but I just sat there observing this feeling, seeing if it would go any further. So eventually I was kinda thinking it would be time to get up and go, but it just kept going on and on - new things kept arising that made me stay. I still can't believe how connecting making that sound from my mouth was - it really did feel as though I was communicating with the nature around me. So I sat there maybe another 20 minutes or so (time is hard to tell) making strange noises that and rolling around on the spot I was sat in before I noticed the feeling in my stomach that was there when I thought I was going to purge. I then started doing this breathing where I started at the pit of my stomach then dragged the breath all the way up before blowing out of my mouth (never done this before just felt natural). Well this breathing seemed to really enhance my state and I started feeling really light, also it felt like a purge of some kind, that I was bringing something bad out of my stomach. I then finally got up, stretched a bit, made some more noises and then made the first 'human' sound which was just a low grunt/hum and I remember out of everything that had happened, this was the thing that felt alien to me. It was as if I was now on a new plane, when really I was returning to normality. So I started walking back up the path to return to the hostel, thinking it was all over, however I began noticing that my awareness had shifted. I was feeling everything I was doing with great focus, walking felt amazing, just being in this body, feeling the air, the sky, the birds - everything. So I started doing some awareness work, feeling each sensation. I remember looking for the perceiver and it was at this point that it felt like I had just woken up in my body. So I still had a sense of ego but everything felt brand new to me and the person who had gone to the river initially no longer existed, this was a new sense that was completely amazed at everything in sight. I felt the leaves, looked at the floor, the rocks, everything. Concepts flew through my head as I looked at things and it just made everything hilarious. Hilarious because I felt like an alien walking around a foreign world, experiencing everything and thinking about how everything has a name, or even that things even exist in the first place. It all just seemed so bizarre, silly and also profound and full of love, like a big game. Thoughts would come and go, then when I gave attention to thoughts, I thought 'what is that thing that feels like it's in this head? Haha, why is it there? Why does this brain have thoughts coming to it? Where do they come from?' Again it just seemed hilarious and bizarre - this is a strange strange experience that seems to make no sense; 'why are there things everywhere??'. I remember looking at a tree and just thinking 'what the fuck is that!?' Although funny, some of these questions did take me deep and I had to sit down. I felt tears welling up in my eyes at times feeling a bliss and warmth come over me as when pondering, the thoughts seemed to vanish and me just being returned. There was also a point where I moved to a more secluded area (as I was trying not to cry by a footpath people were walking down) however I had intention to stay in this state and go further which completely returned me to normal for about 5 minutes before I managed to let go once more, breath and begin feeling my surroundings and body once more. Actually one thing that put me back there was laughing about how I seemed to have what felt like the holy grail in my hands and within an instant it seemed to have vanished forever, and even more so that I was trying to repeat the process to reach the state again. I remember thinking about my girlfriend which made me think about love. Love seemed so bizarre also. Now when I was pondering, it was more so without labels, I would half start a sentence and then I would just feel out the remainder of the pondering through awareness/feel if that makes sense. It felt more natural than language. I saw myself as, I guess, consciousness that was in a body. This is the closest label I can give it but at the time I had no label to give myself. So it was something like 'what is love? If I am a consciousness in this body, and another human is exactly the same thing, why do they come together to share love if we all are the same thing? We all are. Also why do we pick who we love - is this the construct of the different human characters that love each other or is it the different intentions that these characters put out into the world that draws them together. Either way it's weird as hell'. It was as if there was no reason for love in the way we have it because all we are is love/awareness already. The idea of announcing it just seemed so silly because everything is so obvious. This wasn't negative either, I teared up a lot again with this feeling running through me, and then I found this funny that humans have this response to love. In general the labels, concepts and reactions that we have seemed to be a running joke - this was because these things just seemed irrelevant in comparison to the truth/source. I didn't actually experience the truth/source and these might be the wrong words to use, they don't feel right to type, but it's the best I can come up with right now. Essentially I was in some form of elevated consciousness that brought me closer to the perceiver but not all the way there. I think I could have potentially gotten there if I sat and meditated intently but the experience was just too good to not play around with. It's hard to really pull everything out of this experience but I remember waking along the road and seeing a moto-taxi coming my way and going past me. Yes, the idea of this little vehicle thing made me laugh but then I thought god this walking stuff is pretty long, no wonder these things are here. I also saw a house on top of one of the mountains which just seemed hilarious also. My brain just couldn't seem to figure out why you would build something like that so high up - I couldn't see a single road leading up to it haha. I noticed more automatic actions that I did. I was holding a bottle - how did this get here? How is my hand doing that? Why doesn't it just fall? Why does it fall? What is fall? This was the thought process, everything just constantly being broken down until I either began tearing up or burst out laughing. I then walked into a field at the back of my hostel, at this point I looked at the floor and thought how is this floor here, why are my feet able to stand on it, why don't I fall through? This seemed to shake things up a bit and I started feeling a sense of matter dispersing around me but this didn't last long and I ended up sitting in the field. I then just had the same revelations coming to me over and over. Just peace, being and oneness. I thought about how I got to where I am, from being born, growing up etc - all things that seemed so alien and non-existent. I didn't know if they actually happened - I still can't tell. Did they happen? I was told they did but only the present moment exists so how can they be real? Is this present moment even real? Sure I had memories and thoughts arising but they were nothing more than that. Only the present moment seemed to matter and it seemed silly that experiences are influenced by these thought/memory things. It makes 0 sense as everything is alive and constantly changing. Again, I could not connect with the person that went to the river earlier on - that person felt completely gone and I questioned whether the physical body was the same or if it had been left somewhere. It's a strange feeling, I know I am the same person, I have the same name but it feels like a new something (I don't want to call this anything, there's no name for it) has entered my body and is now experiencing this life. Granted right at this very moment I feel more so of myself, but I can still feel that there has been a shift somewhere in my psyche, awareness, consciousness etc. (trying to type this without sounding like a new age hippie). One more thing here, I heard a noise coming from the hostel and instantly I felt an anxiety jolt come from the sound and travel into my stomach. It seemed to send this out. It was like a frequency/energetic zap that came straight to me, like my stomach was open for this stuff to enter into. I felt it and just thought right let's have a go at this. I closed my eyes and spoke to the things in my stomach, I said 'get out, why don't you come out?'. It replied 'no I'm staying' (haha this is so weird to type out). I then just thought okay it's stubborn, let's love it instead. So I started sending all this love to my stomach, loving the feeling being there where it was, cradling it and letting it know that the universe loves it and it has the ability to love everything else in the universe in equal measure. This brought on the vision of a black/white (etching on a cave style) person that was crouched down as if scared in a corner trying to hide itself. I kept re-assuring this thing that it was loved more than it will ever know and that it has the power to do for others. This completely shut up the dialogue I was previously having with it and I noticed a warmth on my stomach and torso develop as a result. It was at some point after this that I got up and went into the hostel to make food but the experience didn't stop there. Food and chopping up vegetables was just hilarious. Haha I think you get the idea now. I took the yopo around 2pm and it's now just gone 8pm and I still feel high as hell. Overall wow. Wow on the experience, wow that it lasted so long (yopo is only meant to last about an hour so I think it helped to trigger a shift which worked its way out of the experience once the yopo effects wore off. Writing this, I can't judge that they've worn off. I just feel so damn high). And wow if anyone read this entire thing. I just had to write it down, it was incredible and nothing at the same time. P.s. The stomach conversation is weird to read back.