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About nightrider1435

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    Lesser Chimp
  • Birthday 10/02/1995

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    Dallas, Texas
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  1. @Max_V Mediation becomes awesome at this point, when you can just watch your sensations knowing they are not yours. I think this is when true healing can begin. Your ego is going to hate this because it's starting to become exposed, so just be ready. Want to trade places? My situation is flipped, seems like I'll never get out of hell..Lol. but I know that's not true, I'm just having to be real patient here.
  2. I know what you mean when you say nothing feels satisfying anymore. You find yourself deep enough in this work and you get the "what did I get myself into feeling". These all are just stories of your mind, they can feel very scary and real. At this point trust is important, you just have to trust the process. I've always had this intuitive feeling that everything will be good in the long run, and I trust in that, it makes me feel comfortable.
  3. I remember the first time I experienced this during a mediation session. It happened just like you described, I felt this very intense fear come up out of nowhere, and I didn't know why. Oh man... Buckle up my friend ... And keep moving forward. This was a turning point for me the first time it happened, shit started getting crazy after that.
  4. Damn I wish I had the chance to mediate in locations like that, I've just been doing it in my room. I'm going to Colorado in the next month or so and I'm planning to mediate out in the mountains, possibly with some Lsd hehe
  5. I do this to myself way to much, realizing I can't keep living like this. I've been working on this the past couple months but like you said it's not easy. I'm just glad I'm catching this now at the age of 21, I just want to live in peace.
  6. If you want reality to feel magical then you need to keep yourself grounded 24/7, besides just mediating you need to learn how to live life in a meditative state. Don't just sit there in your mind saying I want reality to feel magical now.... right fucking now! Be patient, observe thoughts don't absorb them, remain as the witness. You can't plan this out either, it will happen when it happens. If it happens then one day you'll just be going about your daily life and it will kind of just dawn upon you how beautiful everything is. That's how it happened for me, but some experiences I had while on mushrooms, Lsd, and MDMA defiantly made that magical vibe occur much sooner. I am not in any way recommending that you use these substances either, that's a decision you will have to make for yourself, use at your own risk.
  7. I've been feeling that magical vibe for awhile now. Daily meditation and pyschedelics is what did it for me, I take a trip once every month.
  8. I know quite a few people who still live with their parents, one of my friends is 26 and he lives with his mom. I'm 21 and I'm most likely moving back in with my parents when my apartment lease goes up, its not a competition to move out, don't beat yourself up over that. Man just be you, who cares what other people think. Learn to simply not give a fuck about what others think of you. Personal development is going to take time, be patient with yourself. Its not going to happen over night. Love yourself, seriously. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want someone to talk to.
  9. Holy shit that video is fucking hilarious!
  10. I would either start with a two gram dose of mushrooms or a 100ug dose of LSD. I would suggest that you try smoking weed first before jumping in psychedelics, this shit is not to be taken lightly. If you've been sober your whole life then your going to be in for a hell of a surprise if you take a psychedelic, I just don't want a bad experience to scare you away. Don't be in a rush to unwire your naive realism paradigm, just know that once you do there is no going back. I blew that paradigm to pieces with one trip and had to deal with ego backlash, I don't regret doing it but I just want to warn you, this shit can be more hardcore then you might realize.
  11. If you want to do it quick, then pyschedelics is the way to go. My first mushroom trip shattered my naive realism paradigm completely.
  12. Yeah... I'm dealing with exactly this right now. This stuff is not a joke at all, I went in way to far over my head, now I'm not sure how I will climb out of this. I'm OK though, just having my ass kicked right now. I can relate to the feeling lighter every week sensation. A vipassana retreat would help me out tremendously but going to one is out of the question for me right now just because I don't have the vacation time for it yet.
  13. I feel the same and I'm 21. I think it's the mind playing tricks on you. If you want peace from this than just try to remain mindful of this fear when it occurs, over time it tends to fizzle out and not bother you as much. Your still young, you still have a whole lifetime to live. Try not to overwhelm yourself and contemplate your death alot, this seems to help me.
  14. @Paula_ Yeah this has happened to me twice so far since I've been on this journey. I couldn't surrender, my ego wasn't having it. Facing death is no joke at all.