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About nightrider1435

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  • Birthday 10/02/1995

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    Dallas, Texas
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  1. Right? It's almost to much for me, I keep resisting it.
  2. I just want to say to remember to pull back and just breathe, it can help prevent your mind from spiraling out of control. The mind likes to delude you into making it all seem worse than it really is, you can see this for yourself. Now I don't know you, but your situation is probably not as bad as your making it out to be. Your only 19, life goes on and can get better. The fact that your going through this indicates that your're a strong individual. Speaking from the big picture, there is probably good times ahead of you, just have to pass through the dark first.
  3. Just sounds like ego backlash, which is normal. I would just keep doing what your doing, don't try to find bliss, let that go.
  4. How would one go about tapping into love? The only thing that comes to mind is Mdma. I've experienced so much ego back lash since breaking serious ground, I'm watching my mind eat itself alive, its exhausting. Ego is making a huge deal out of dieing, its out of my control other than to just be aware of the chaos. You've said once the ego dies you feel a huge sense of relief like why was I so desperately clinging on this entire time, this hasn't happened yet.
  5. I'd start with 100ug and take it on a empty stomach.
  6. @Quanty Fast growth is more of my style, all though my mind complains and gets irritated with the process, I'm use to it at this point. Not sure how this will unfold but I know it will be worth it, don't really have a choice at this point. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  7. Sounds like you're doing good. Mediation is going to dissolve your ego over time, mind is throwing existential fear at you in defense.
  8. I feel heat at the base of my spine alot, it happens during mediation and even throughout the day. It feels like a volcano waiting to erupt down there sometimes. Its an orgasmic like feeling in my spine, sometimes it can be pretty distracting. I've felt this down at the root chakra, heart, even the third eye area. I've been doing nofap and cold showers which seems to arouse the energy even more. Is this the so called "kundalini" that everyone talks about? I'm about a year into my Awakening now, and my intuition is hinting that I'm on the edge of another big break through.
  9. I do agree with this 100%.
  10. @Phrae Yeah instead of letting an office job that you hate ruin your life. I was leaning more on take responsibility for your happiness when I said that. You want truth then go for it, quit your job and become a monk. Do what makes you happy.
  11. You have to take responsibility for your life, and I'm not saying its easy either. Hard to settle with a job that hate, especially if you're doing conconcious work. I've been in this position before and switched jobs because of it.
  12. Sounds like you already know, just work on you. You don't deserve that kind of treatment.
  13. @Truth You can order magic truffles online legally or learn how to order off the web markets if you want. People who smoke weed may know where to score some acid or shrooms, just have to ask, that's how it worked out for me.
  14. Yes, I remember as a young kid I would ask myself this question "what if I didn't exist?". I would inquiry so deeply into that question that I would actually freak myself out at times, this happened often when I was a kid.