Bluebird

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  1. @deso I understand. Your journey seems to mimic my own, I only passed through this realisation recently. Not an easy one to accept, I had to confront a lot of stuff in myself. Spirituality doesn't make me better than anyone else, it won't necessarily make me happy. I get it. You had to do it to get the lesson. Stop fighting it for a second and realise that you're not special. Everyone goes through this shit, it's called life. Have you ACTUALLY learned not to ignore your feelings and happiness? Or are you gonna keep doing it, like you probably are now, just in reverse. Let me ask you this: What truly, genuinely feels good to you right now? What do you truly need? Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.
  2. @deso You are responsible for your life. It took a high level of commitment to get you where you are. You are quite correct, you can't return. Nobody ever can, the flow of time is forwards, not backwards. Does this mean you are stuck? Doomed to be the way you are at this point in time. Or still on the journey? The past doesn't dictate the future. You do! Where will this journey lead? Who knows. I bet that if you really wanted to be happy again, you could be, you could make the choice. So, do you want to make the decision to be happy? Also, consider that to be able to give up music, food, social takes a SERIOUS degree of persistence and dedication to what you are doing. You think you got nothing out of that, I call bullshit. I'd bet you grew from that in unique ways that you probably no longer even recognise. You don't have to respect yourself for that, but I do. Ah, the beauty of a clean slate, fresh possibility. Too far, or exactly this far. What do you mean by too far? Hello, you're as far as we all are, which is sitting looking at a computer screen. That's it. We've all got problems, feel sad at times, think about dumb stuff, watch movies and tv, wonder what it could have been like. Well, maybe I'm the only one ? Had the opportunity to live a great life? Did it fly away into the heavens or something. You're in your early 20s I'm guessing. Based on my reading of you, you're dedicated to what you focus on. Willing to go "all in" so to speak. Sounds to me like enlightenment was important to you, so you eliminated the things that you felt weren't in support of that. If that's changed, which it sounds like it has, shift towards what's important to you now. I believe in you. Take some time to chill if you like. Did a stranger really make decisions for you. Or was it actually you all along, being as honest as you could be at the time. And now, you're at a deeper level of self-honesty The journey is always changing brother, and there's no hurry. Here's some musical goodness to kickstart the next phase. With love and mad respect , from me to you, Jack ♥️ ?
  3. @Kalki Avatar The facilitator would assist you in trying to grasp something and have an insight into your experience. The act of doing it intensely for an extended period of time was the major factor in the improvement, in my estimate. To contemplate is to not know about your experience deeply, until you become conscious of something true. How's that?
  4. @Consilience I've been implementing those principles yes. Goes against my natural tendency to resist certain activities.
  5. 14-Day Dark Room Retreat On the first night, I entered around 7 pm and after getting comfortable with the space blew out the candle. Darkness. I will struggle to talk about how long I did anything for as I lost a clear sense of duration or time passing. I managed to maintain a day/night cycle though. My primary practice was contemplation, after a while of focused contemplation (and particularly in the second week) I found the contemplation fading away into meditation. The not-knowing became natural and blissful. I could sit effortlessly in love or fulfilment for hours. Generally, after a period of bliss, love, or samadhi I would experience mini ego-backlashes of fantasising and boredom. I found myself accepting this after a while. Expansion... and now I'm a person again. My fantasies got strange. I started dreaming of work, success, and business. Thinking about the intricacies of burgers. Childhood memories of certain places and foods. Food was a big one this time around. I would often realise I'm doing this and it's all occurring in my mind. It's imagination, not real, it's not actually here and I'm the one doing it. On day one I got hit with all of my hallucinations. I slept a little during day one, after that it became hard to sleep so I just had to keep contemplating through the night since there was nothing else I could do and if I lied down I would be more likely to fall into fantasising. I had hallucinations of a friend sitting on my bed, I could see him clearly. I hallucinated leaving the room, going outside and speaking with people. I realised this was a dream and started speaking with people conscious of this. I started being able to see the room as clear as day, without light. I was hallucinating this. I experiencing the room turning into an orchestral symphony, and realised I was composing an entire song unconsciously with my mind. Lyrics and all, like I was listening to it through stereo headphones. I did not do this for the hallucinations, I had come for the Truth. From day two onwards, there were no more of these. The first 5 or 6 days weren't too tough if I recall correctly. Days 6 - 8 were the hardest, knowing I had another week to go. On day 8, I got a nice hit of effortless sitting, bliss, love. This was a confirmation of trust and surrender for me. I could feel presence giving me the consciousness, almost whispering to me: I'm always here, just trust, you really think I would ever do anything but love you. The second week my contemplation got more fluid. I started contemplating: What is invention What is mind What is innovation What is technology What is love What is eternity What is reality What am I What is life What is self What is another What is death I'm experimenting with my contemplation style. I had just worked on a single question for 2 weeks in a Contemplation Intensive. This time I would switch a lot more. I also found that I was by far the most conscious in the early afternoons through evenings. And felt the least conscious shortly after waking up. I also made some new distinctions in my experience based on Ralston's consciousness work. I didn't lose myself in Nothing/Love/Truth. I expanded my sense of self, purged some resistance. I didn't have what I consider a full non-dual awakening. But I can be lightly conscious of God, perhaps somewhere between catching and taming the ox (or maybe not, just my intepretation). When I departed I didn't know what to expect. I felt pretty normal in the darkroom, sober and not all that conscious at that moment an hour or so after waking up. I opened the door at sunrise. I took a few steps and then had to sit down because I was so conscious, so high, I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk more than a few steps without losing my balance. Reality was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, colours, form, sound. Life. I could feel myself in the plants, I marvelled at my hands, how amazing it all is. It was divine, I had no idea I was this high in there. It was stronger than any acid trip I'd ever done, barring a 600ug trip. It was akin to a light 5-MeO microdose. And, it can't be compared. There is an unfathomable beauty in being that conscious and being completely sober. It feels so right, that reality is actually this good, actually, not with anything else needing to be there. I have some signs when I'm going deeper, guidances. The presence of a dog, or what I can only describe as guiding Sam-energy. Within seconds of stepping out, a beautiful dog came and sat with me. There was a love between us, he licked me, I stroked him. I did a meditation that morning, and then stood in the sun. The sun was a warm loving bliss. I'd never appreciated the sun this much in my life. I've come down a bit since then. I can still see God in the trees if I focus. My baseline has been significantly upped. I was offered a little weed a few days after getting out. I had a very small amount and it was perhaps the most insightful and blissful yet intense experiences with weed. I feel so much more purified now as well, I can sit with people in a deep not-knowing without much fear, letting myself be authentic without much fear. I will keep becoming more God, truly appreciate life and reality more fully, what I am. Live in not-knowing and no-mind. I am able to be more comfortable operating in no-mind now, there is less fear in me and more trust. It didn't solve everything. I'm still worried about survival concerns, what to make my career out of, to pursue business or spirituality. I struggle with this one a lot. I still get sadness and existential emptiness at times. The journey has only just begun. Peter Ralston Fall Series I did the entire fall series workshop, ending in a 2-week long contemplation intensive. This is (I believe), the only time that a 2 weeker has been offered at the Cheng Hsin centre. It was perfect, I would have struggled much more with the darkroom had I not just done this. The consciousness work itself was great, Brendan Lea was our primary facilitator. I had concerns about the work not being led by Ralton, but they were completely unfounded. Brendan was great to work with, and it was work. It wasn't easy, long days and deep work. I didn't grasp a lot, of course. The seeds were planted and my ability to do consciousness work effectively has increased. My only suggestion to those intending to do it, expect to also NEED to get the audio courses and eCourses afterwards. There is too much and it goes fast, you won't get it all and will need to do the work ongoing. This consciousness work is pretty advanced, so I wouldn't go to the centre without some prior consciousness. Just a little bit should be fine, who knows, go and see for yourself I guess. I wasn't a big fan of the Enlightenment Intensive format. I feel I can go deeper by myself, without a partner. The partner is there to help focus and not get so lost in fantasy. I definitely get lost in daydreaming or losing the question when I'm alone, it's more fluid. If reality starts to feel beautiful, I go into the beauty for a bit. The CI was not like this. There is an appreciation for life that I have when getting out of these intensives. It is so beautiful, so entertaining. It's hard to imagine a better place to spend my time, I'm so happy to have this life to deepen consciousness. Learn and grow. Please ask me about the experience, I would love to answer any questions or help clarify my experience with Ralston, Brendan and the Cheng Hsin centre or the darkroom. ❤️Thank you, much love, and I wish all of you courage and determination on your own journeys. It's worth it. ❤️
  6. @electroBeam All good brother, I admire the determination. Reminds me of me, my determination led to me where I wanted but ended with getting arrested and taken to hospital. And, to be honest, at the time it was brutal. Was the most beautiful, mindbending, intense, loopy, deep, nondual, magnicifent, confusing, experience of my entire life and I had no memory of it for a long time. However looking back I'm glad it happened how it did and know it had to happen that way so. I just want you to be prepared for whatever comes up on the trip and be sage. Good luck!
  7. All models have usefulness. MBTI stems from Carl Jung's cognitive functions which are very useful to understand. Keep in mind it is still a model and you will tend to fit everything into it. If you want the most effective way to understand yourself, do it directly. Peter Ralston 'Pursuing Consciousness' is useful for this.
  8. Dude, this is a terrible idea. DO NOT think you can hide it because you can't, you will be too conscious to lie and it will cause internal conflict and freak you out. You may also stop seeing them as parents, or who the fuck knows. Just know "the substance" will play on your fears and if you don't want your parents to find out, that IS EXACTLY what will happen (and it may not be pretty). There is no rush, if you are going to use psychedelics do it safely and intelligently. I probably wouldn't recommend making it yourself, you may start to feel like you're dying (ego-death) and the last thing you want is to have in the back of your mind that you actually could have made a poision. To have never done psychedelics and go straight to solo DMT you made yourself in a stressful environment is a literal recipe for disaster. Good luck brother, plenty of safe and legal ways to drink Ayuhasca or use other psychedelics.
  9. (I don't know if this is true) Why is it that the ability to say self-inquire is heightened by Love.
  10. 1. Are Love and Bliss the same thing? 2. Isn't Love (Total Non-Duality) only possible through the contrast of not feeling the love? Why not infinite love all the time? 3. Is it possible to love "another", or only to the degree which you can see yourself (or your Self) in them? 4. What is the relationship between love and sexuality/intimacy/affection? 5. Practices/contemplations to increase Love? 6. Can ego love, or can you only love to the degree ego is released? 7. Fear is the biggest block to love, we are afraid of losing love. In being afraid to lose love we contain, limit and resist it. In containing it, we don't feel it. Why are we afraid of losing love? And why is our solution to not love?
  11. @kieranperez Even talks about sitting with not-knowing.
  12. In trying to actually answer these questions for yourself, you may begin to unearth the answers... They are very good questions to contemplate though thanks!
  13. @Leo Gura Has 5-MeO based path been the primary factor in lasting non-dual awareness or would you attribute that to retreats/meditation?
  14. @Leo Gura The thing about this is that you only realise what you can't handle or accept when it's literally staring you in the face halfway through a trip. I did "unlock" the nonduality consciousness by going high dose LSD, though it was a very rough experience and overall it surely could have been easier with patience and low doses. Got too caught up sprinting to the end goal, and peeked beyond what I was ready to see. The ego will always think it can handle it (particularly if it's arrogant, and spiritual). Resists being an important keyword, definitely, agree here. The deepest love always lies behind the surrender to the deepest fears. Of course, no surrender (as you struggle and resit), and hell ensues.