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Yes but (correct me if I’m wrong) even with enlightenment there are experiences, sensations, thoughts feelings perceptions etc... Why these particular sensations? This particular human body in the middle of the visual field, this particular life? (Conventionally speaking) it seems like “my” life could have been absolutely any other kind of experience than what it is. Even unimaginable, totally alien experiences we don’t have words for. How is the infinity of possible realities being... “chosen”... or manifested in this present moment. Why this particular flavor of Reality? Why am I making these distinctions of The Absolute rather than other ones?

There is a big information share amongst various channeled entities through various people that a reptilian alien race has nestled on our planet and has messed with our dna, hence the illuminati conspiracy and reptiles conspiracies They messed with our dna strands to redirect energy for their own use, and they basically fucked life up on earth big time, and many souls didnt sign up for this , life was not supposed to be this way BUT finally as earth is enlightening these reptilians are being shifted out of our dimensions and the damage is being repaired literally

Not necessarily. When it comes to judging other people with regards to their spiral dynamics stage, what I find the most useful is this framework: If you think that the other person is just alien to you, their logic is downright offensive and they seem like they can't even think properly - this means that they can be higher on the spiral, or integrate something that you have as a shadow. If you have been like the other person in the past, you have followed their values and you transcended them to arrive here, then that means that they can be lower on the spiral. The person (1) has to be in a certain sense respectable by external circumstances, like -have a 'good life' otherwise. It does not mean that you should treat every lunatic on the street as coral. It is always beneficial, however, to listen to that person and try to squeeze your frame of mind into their perspective to gain some intellectual flexibility. Even if you do not agree with them (yet). The person (2) is never thought of as just stupid, or a moron. There is always a kind of sentiment to that kind of thinking and understanding of these people is compassionate. It's more like observing a child that has to learn their lessons and not an enemy to be conquered. It is also usually obvious, that the person cannot be talked out of their naivety by presenting arguments. From my point of view, the only valid reason to criticize somebody is to lay down your objections to their perspective in order to understand why you resist them. You can't change other people by talking them out of their nonsense. They have to experience their nonsense first-hand and suffer through it mindfully. Instead of changing them, you should focus on your own suffering and transcend it.

Teal Swan is an alien !!!!!!!! https://medium.com/@bescofield/the-gucci-guru-inside-teal-swans-posh-cult-36168edaf62f This website seems so legit

@kieranperez I have had similar experience probably two months ago, it never happened again. I was going back home from my painting course (which included working with chemicals like oil). Then suddenly as I was walking, I went offline and my experience, life, self, or mind or whatever that is felt like something alien to me. I started wondering ; what the hell! What are these things doing? (I meant people in the markets and streets). I stopped identifying with my human body, it lasted for like 10-15 seconds and after that everything went back to normal right until now. I didn't know what happened and still don't, hopefully someone here could help.

What do you think of the 'new age' phenomenon. The video I linked earlier is a 'new ager' so to speak. It's got its own dogma and religious qualities that are to be taken on faith or belief. The ACIM crowd sometimes crosses over into some of these concepts. The entire new age doctrine revolves around ascended masters who are actually aliens of the 11th dimension, or Arcturians, and there is a conspiracy about Atlantis, Ley Lines, the pyramids, and it all culminates in being the missing pieces in a huge conspiracy over the unsolved mysteries over the ancient world. Teal Swan has a huge following, she has had several followers commit suicide, she has promoted suicidal ideation as a 'reset button', claims she can hear tectonic plates moving, I could keep going. That being said, she has some decent practical psychotherapeutic advice, but definitely is not a mentally stable person. She has an 'ashram' in Costa Rica, her followers are tattooed with her symbol. She bashes basically every guru in existence, which is fine, but highly hypocritical in that she breaks the same rules she pushes for, like sleeping with your followers. Matt Kahn makes a similar show, where he makes predictions that don't come true, then makes an unverifiable excuse of how it actuality DID come true. The new age community at large cannot agree on a single narrative, though I'm sure something is in the works or already exists. They all have different interpretations, different alien races, but they all claim to 'intuit' it or get a 'download' from source. Wtf is happening here? All of these new agers seem to hand out good practical advice at times, then just go off into totally unverifiable and fantastic information...why not stop at the practical advice? Not to mention the amount of money they charge, hundreds of dollars for 'starseed' activation and other craziness. When I question these things, I'm bombarded by a weaponized version of spiral dynamics, pigeon holed into a place of 'you've not reached that stage of consciousness' to understand. There is a corruption, so to speak, in many spiritual circles and communities, it seems an inherent part of every human system, corruption exists or someone intentionally benefits from the misfortune of others, even on a path to God so to speak.

During September I was thinking on suicide and I would say that a lot of introspection was putting me into a downward spiral. I'm not saying introspection is bad, but it can make you lose touch with reality (please, don't start with ponderings like "but reality doesn't even exist"). Taking action is also a key point. I don't mean just taking action like working or going to the gym, but also meeting new people, partying, going to new places and even doing materialistic stuff (like facing your fears). They say non-duality is the ultimate truth, but I think it can mislead people. Non-duality can be seen as something that will bring us happiness or whatever and that's why we call ourselves spiritual seekers. We're seeking for something that we already have, no matter our circumstances. It's the second thread about a person wanting to commit suicide I see here. Sometimes it's important to be more grounded and talk to people in a way they can understand, even if they are attached to their ego, or if they have a religion, or if they're atheists or whatever. If a person wants to make friends, tell them: "make friends" instead of "you have to focus on Being in order to realize you don't need friends." If a person wants to make money, tell them: "it's okay to have the desire of making money" instead of "you need to be aware of low consciousness patterns and not think about money, but just about high values." If a person wants to have sex, tell them: "it's okay to have casual relationships" instead of "you're being too shallow if you want to have sex." If a person wants happiness, tell them: "it's okay to make something for your happiness" instead of "Tony Robbins are all about Orange evil stuff and you shouldn't listen to him. Overcome your addictions by sitting and doing nothing for weeks that you'll find happiness." Be more grounded guys in order to help people who are depressed or suffering. I know many of you, including Leo, have advanced stuff to teach, but sometimes I myself feel like an alien that can't understand what enlightenment or happiness is. It seems I'm losing something very important. Maybe I am, but it doesn't mean my life is worthless. I learned a lot with my suicidal thoughts and I hope you can learn something from me (if you will). Here in Brazil we call it "ser pé no chão." By the way, Karma Yoga seems to be a very good thing in order to overcome depression.

Teal Swan is not enlightened. If you look more closely at her, she writes diatribes against people she feels wronged her, such as exes and demonizes them in public. Then look at her fanatical followers and how mentally unstable they are - how they go after anyone who criticizes her in droves. There is always scandal around her and many people hurt by her. I'm not sure why people like Teal Swan keep getting brought up around here as examples of enlightenment, though like any teacher, she has some good qualities. "Teal Swan, an emerging cult leader, claims she is a multi-dimensional Arcturian alien working with 11 other aliens in an “intergalactic Green Peace” type organization. She says she has x-ray vision and hearing, that she can inject herself into people’s brainstems to revive them and can hear tectonic plates moving. She has a massive following, many of whom, called “Tealers,” tattoo themselves with her symbol. Teal claims suicide is a “reset button” and that “death is delicious.” At least two of her followers have already committed suicide. Teal also claims to have suffered 13-years of abuse in a child-murdering Mormon Satanic Cult where she was routinely tortured, sewn into a corpse for 12 hours and made to torture other children." https://medium.com/@bescofield/the-gucci-guru-inside-teal-swans-posh-cult-36168edaf62f

people here think they are more smart but doesn't mind, it's fun, alien will come save us, don't bother, take a sit and have fun, no need to cry upon what isn't here

hey sometimes, you should just let the inquiry down let's do some "human investigation talk", just for the laugh hahaha but you're right, I see all your point, this is what I was talking at dinner right now, I know that from an "alien perspective", we are the alien. but just from a human perspective, that would be fun to see "objective alien creatures" that appear solid to our first lens of brain

If there’s an objective alien, then subjectively, to the alien, you are an alien. But then if you’re an alien, then obviously aliens exist. Unless of course, “exist” is entirely subjective. If reality is subjective, are there ‘other’ animals, humans, etc? Wouldn’t an ‘other’, whatever it is, require reality to be objective? If reality is subjective, it’s really not “reality” anymore. It’s you. If it’s entirely subjective, then it is only subjective, to you. This would mean everything seen & heard, is somehow you. But if everything seen & heard is you, then you must not only be a person, as it seems. But if you’re not a person, because reality is subjective, you’d have to be everything seen & heard. But if you’re everything, to experience every thing, you would have to be no thing, which of course means there would have to be no thing. If there’s no thing, then what is seen & heard? @Strikr Could pure magic even be a belief though? Isn’t it the same as “I don’t know”, or “I can’t know”? Like, as a descriptive term, “magic” is like saying, “I have no knowledge which accounts for this experience, I don’t even have beliefs which “explain” it, even if I acknowledge it’s a belief”. I agree with both of you though.

and what if ... there is an "objective" one ? one way or another it can be proven for the self, and "drug" alternative mindset, doesn't prove anything, eyes or mind, both could be a pure lie. Will tell you that when I'll try DMT, I m an investigator, not a believer. Direct experience is the best tool for sure ! what if really our mind is a pure random biologic mindfuck ? it could be aswell. Alien doesn't appear something "insane" or non objective, multiverse with alien or not, or just idea materialized per drug. or even the concept of just "being" or "being present" that's all concept that could be created by "the brain" or how you want to call it. as an artist LSD, showed me what I call "my intuit wiring", not a pure alternative reality. But I agree on believing reality is pure magic, so since I had no "direct experience" besides "being present without thinking at all". cannot be sure of anything at all. if you're sure of something you're living your truth and that's fair. Didn't experience weird dream in my whole life, in fact I almost don't dream at all. ( even without smoking and being pure of blood ) my dream are mostly sensation. Maybe my "brain" can't fuck me properly, don't know. but that mean there is alien ! my new dream will come true then ! may them come !

of course they fucking are, from infinity I don't see why it wouldn't be the case. we are close from IA and infinite robotic, if truly we are alone, we will soon know it. I m not "I want to believe" , but if alien race exist, the moment we create a truly real IA, is the moment when they will watch us. that's sure. ( or we are effectively "alone" in this "reality" ) because this thing could be more powerful than a nuclear bomb. create a "race of infinity robot" that have the same "pattern" than human, but able to destroy our whole race and take over the galaxy, that's more "dangerous" than "us". we will know soon if there is something or not, I m sure. Let me believe more that I can fuck an alien girls my new hope

people here are all laughing, but my mother who never ever take drug/neither alcool until more than her 30. When she had 15 years old ( 1980~ she saw something like a disk, and she doesn't care about alien at all ( she is anti science fiction kind of type ) and doesn't bother with this kind of thing usualy ( before I asked once and talk about alien ) ( I told her, she was drunk, exhausted, or maybe having a reflection, she told me not ( and she never even smoked weed in his whole life, never even been drunk until her 40 years old.. ( I know this is true ).., it was clear cristal for her eyes, she assure me ) swear on my very life, that she saw this thing in the sky who was flying, a rounded form moving in slow motion, straight in line, and without ANY noise at all, then disapear instantly [and the light around the thing was : white/grey ] ( that was the thing that shocked her the most ) ( and she has 10/10 both eyes ) she told me it was not so far from her eyes. ( I asked the range ) so only case it wasn't alien, it's a military object. But I believe her that she saw something. today I read a lot of others people claim at the same time and in the same area ( on internet ) report the same 'alien fly' having seen the same thing at this time and in the same part of France. ( East/close to germany ) so everyone is lying on the same thing? it it wasn't from the mouth of my mum I wouldn't believe it at all. But I believe her, and it doesn't bother me if you don't believe me, that's totaly fair. ( she doesn't played with my mind or trying to make a joke out of it ) I wouldn't deny what she saw, cause she is very "earth grounded" and doesn't like science fiction at all. and that's me just pushing her to talk me more about it, because I m the first guy to believe it was BS. ( so investigating ) keep believing it's only in DMT hahaha lel. alright then. I believe my mother. that's all, maybe it was a military object, but in 1980, I don't know how many soucoup without noise we have been creating. at this time, she knew it would just make her been an insane idiot to talk about this and internet wasn't existing, she did a bit, but quickly stoped. So she never talk about it to people. (beside me when I ask about what she thinked about ovni years ago ) it remain open for me, I won't see why alien is "stupid", you can believe all your thinking is stupid, but not alien ? what the fuck guys.

Currently using the power of attraction I m hoping an alien race comes so that I could fuck some alien girls. everyday, I meditate hard on this

Difficulty in performing any action is rooted in the existence of ego. If I consider something to be: outer, alien, impossible, disgusting, inappropriate, taboo, then it means that there is also: inner, familiar, possible, beautiful, appropriate, normal. The distance between what I experience and my comfort zone (or vice versa) is what I call meaning. Meaning is the difference(distance) between yes and no. The midpoint between things of equal (but opposite) meaning is what I call Ego. The point furthest away-from the Ego is what I call Shadow. There are two paths of liberation: The path of centering: approach the Ego and surrender to stillness. The path of the absurd: approach the Shadow and surrender to movement.

Uh love all of this!! Love Alex Grey and Tool, I've been to one of their concerts and WOW, it's a piece of art in movement, first Maynard the singer does the whole show in the dark, he stays in the back of the stage and the spotlights are focused in the other musicians and on the video clip being payed in the big screen, from what I understood he does that to not feed his ego, and really pass the ideas behind his music directly to people, the focus are the lyrics that make us think, not him or the band, and the video clips are a completely mind fuck: Tool are one of those bands that gets people talking, and a lot of times that talk is about their striking music videos. Most of them are full of abstract imagery that seem to be culled from some strange dreamworld. Guitarist Adam Jones directs a majority of their clips and uses many different visual techniques to breathe life into creatures and worlds far removed from our own. The human mind is wired to find stories in its environment. When presented with a string of images and scenarios, the brain will try to tie them all together into a narrative. Tool's videos play with that human instinct, often to unsettling ends. Keep your mind open and enjoy as Noisecreep presents the 10 Best Tool Videos. Also he lives in the middle of nowhere, grow his own food and prefer to be away from society and big crowds, very interesting human being. I met Alex Grey in a concert too, and in a festival, it's just fascinating the way he lives his life, if you look at his face, he is always happy with a big smile, his wife is super sweet too, they paint while the band is playing psytrance, I wonder how it would be to live a life like that, living your passion and your full potential, sharing that energy with all the people around, he is an amazing human being, not sure how "enlightened" he is but I was just speechless for seeing his art and being around him, my theory is that he is an alien haha just like Leo I would also add this song from Porcupine tree, not sure of their place in spiral dynamic but it's for sure an interesting trip, the instrumental is really good, it's the story of a guy who took LSD for days and he had a bad trip in the 34th day, sounds so real, I'm not sure of the story behind it, it's beautiful tho and worth listening. Among with Alex Grey I think Android Jones is also great, he is a digital painter but has been working with virtual reality, in his expositions he tries to create how a psychedelic trip would be, very fascinating Best described as a “digital painter,” Jones has created an immense body of work. He has become well known for his many layered, psychedelic works and live performances using a custom built digital set up. He participated in the Grateful Dead Fare Thee Well Tour and his work has been projected on the Sydney Opera House and the Empire State Building. A long time member of the Burning Man community, Android has traveled the world exhibiting his work and has contributed to events on 6 continents. At the center of Jones’ work is spirituality and altered states of consciousness. Describing his work as Electro-Mineralism, Jones attributes his ability to create to the wonders of technology, crediting the planet’s resources for advancements in art production. Manipulating light and energy, Android Jones captures complex concepts while utilizing his formal background in the arts. Described as a digital alchemist, he is determined to alter the viewer’s perception, pushing the boundaries of the imagination through the use of innovative media forms.

It's Red/Blue values in an Orange scientific-capitalistic society. The science is complicated but it seems clear to me that the divisions of humans into races is arbitrary and socially constructed. From an alien to this planet perspective with the same understanding of genetics, they wouldn't create our typically "races", those used in the U.S, for instance. The Scandinavian countries are actually highly scientific and capitalistic, they run on social democracy. For them racism begins with grouping humans into races, which is why I am questioning those who have those beliefs in this thread, as even for "social justice" it's really counter intuitive on the long-term, if we are to aim for the stars and ideals.

The collective lens is more of a hallucination than the individual lens, as its through the individual lens in which you have the collective. If you take on a collective lens I think it's the Individual collective lens which is the healthy one, as first it doesn't lead to totalitarian certainty and second it deconstructs collective hallucinations that put primacy on collective hallucinations like race. It's impossible to have another communist russia or nazi germany with mass collective individualism which is a mix of orange and green into yellow. The problem is the collective hallucinations which each stage shares with each other, a green is sharing the hallucination of race with a red, so they reinforce each other's delusions to keep one another game going. It is mutually beneficial to the Green and the Red. The Green telling a non-Red who isn't delusional their delusion, it spreads. If another person comes along and says race is a social construction, or mostly irrelevant for the average person, from a Big Picture science perspective, both will fight him. A person in the Green stage can't for instance make conspiracy theories about a supposed patriarchy of a certain race, like if they were lizard men, if their collective hallucination isn't entertained. I do not want to hear what you say what you perceive to be my race or my privilege is as it's your delusion, not mine. Nor do I want to write an essay of your delusion of me. Ineffability is who we are, not delusions. Your point about inter-racial relationship is an example of your mind being delusional thinking there is such a thing of different races, even though both stage Green and Orange (Science) rejects such a notion. The racial social construction is based on a few traits that are observable, actual genetics is more complicated and whether our social construction completely matches the genetic data is very questionable. An alien that comes to Earth wouldn't probably divide people into different groups based on for instance appearance like skin color. On your point regarding the levels of expansiveness regarding community or belonging, yes, that's correct and useful. This article writes about Xenophobia and Xenophilia and a couple possible biological mechanisms for Xenophilia like a gene at DRD4 (dopamine D4 receptor) https://mad.science.blog/2018/07/09/xenotypy/

One is conceptual and the other is reality shattering. Have you tried watching Leo's videos? He is talking about "getting deeper realizations" for a few years now. There are also these alien things called "books", they have answers to this exact question. Check out Leo's book-list.

Yes, I can relate to the morning one. But it is very short and not even clear what happened in retrospect. But if 'not remembering who i am' is what you are looking for, then i have stable one of those: I sometimes meditate on weed. There is no remembrance of who i am, where i am. I cant even remember how my face looks like. As i close my eyes there is a space with bodily sensations and sounds appearing in it. No body contours. The memory of the past seems so distant and totally alien. Then I turn around (not literally, just in that internal space) to see who/what is experiencing all this and it is a TOTAL mystery. There is a sense of an "I" but it has no idea what it is. The "I" is not totally one with the space but it is hard to find boundaries either. What is this I?

You need to distinguish awakening itself from changes to one's sensory field. Psychedelics tend to alter the sensory field a lot as well as produce awakening. It is possible to awaken without any change to the sensory field at all. And this is usually the case in non-psychedelic awakening. Or it's possible to have radical changes to the sensory field, such as the entire sensory field disappearing or morphing into fractals and all sorts of other stuff like a DMT alien hyperspace landscape. If you are in pure void with no sensory field at all, then that would be pure void. Obviously there's nothing there. No perceptions, no forms at all. Like deep sleep. Obviously there are no colors and shapes in deep sleep. BUT! That is not strictly necessary for awakening. You can awaken without your sensory field changing at all. In fact, you can realize that "the void" is ALWAYS the case! Even when the sensory field is fully here, it is still void. The sensory field is not other than void. All of these possibilities are possible with or without psychedelics. But with psychedelics you are much more likely to get radical alterations of the sensory field.

This is gonna be a long thread. I'm going to copy and paste some text for the "Context to my question" and for "my social experiences in school". I hope that these sections help you build a picture of me. Context to my question I understand very little about why my experiences happened the way they did, and I can't figure out what I was chasing after back then and what I'm chasing after now. Whilst the details of my memories aren't incredibly sharp in terms of precise mundane details, I have a very detailed and rich memory of important phases of my life during high school and the underlying emotions I felt at the time. Although I say that I understand very little about my past it's probably the case that I understand a lot about my experiences, it's just that I don't want to accept and confront the fact that I've always felt like an alien/outsider in my interactions with people. The feeling of being misunderstood and lonely, subtly yet strongly, permeates all of my experiences from when I was 4 years old to now when I am 18. It might be worth noting that I'm an INTP who suffers from anxiety/depression, and I've got a parent mother who was/is abusive to me (to only describe the relationship with the word "abusive" wouldn't accurately convey the nuanced situation however). My mum can very paranoid and holds delusional suspicions (which are not targeted at me), and I have a strong family history of psychosis and other mental illnesses from my mother's side of the family. My dad has depression. My parents have always been arguing. I likely have some autistic traits which I have inhereted from my mum, but I would probably be what you call "high functioning". My social experiences in school I'll talk a bit about my experiences, by first starting with primary school [ which I was in when aged 4-11 years old]. For reasons unbeknownst to me, I was a very shy kid by the time I was 4. Apparently I was very late to speak as a baby, which is maybe a consequence of autism. From the very start of primary school, I was mildly bullied and was socially excluded. Although I can't pinpoint a reason for this, I think this happened because of the fact I behaved strangely as a child. Although I behaved strangely, it was far from being malicious or violent. There was also a racial component to this, as I have a distinct memory of older kids calling me "chocolate bar" but I'd respond with "milky way" (a white chocolate brand). My name is Mujtaba so they got the idea of chocolate bar from adding an "r" to the "ba" component of my name, very funny and peculiar actually. By the age of 6-7, the bullying stopped and as I mildly gained the respect of people around me. Around the age of 7 I naturally developed a very strong interest in maths, and this has stuck with me for life. It was something I was constantly praised for by adults. Thankfully I wasn't bullied for this at all in primary school. Even after I stopped being bullied, I was at the bottom of the "social hierarchy". I was often peoples last choice for playing games with, and it felt as though I had to always make an effort to fit in and get people to play with me. I finished high school at age 11. I didn't stay in touch with anyone from primary school. At age 11 I then entered a private high school. When my first year started, I found that I was being popular for reasons I didn't understand. It might be because I was blunt and would tell offensive but funny jokes, and represented a paradox of maturity and immaturity. I was really good at tackling people in rugby even though I was short, and so the sporty kids loved me for that. I was friends with the "jocks" and "the nerds" at the same time. I was tired of being a nerd during earlier points in my life, so I tried to fit in with the cool kids. However, they weren't really on my wavelength at all. Some relationships aren't meant to be. I found them to be superficial and shallow beyond belief. They shared different hobbies from me for the most part. They were allowed to have girlfriends whilst I have had the opposite sex demonised to me because of my upbringing. The "cool kids" detected that I wasn't on their wavelength as well, but I maintained a casual relationship with them for two years. Although I interacted with the cool kids, it was the "nerds" who were my real homies. I just went to the "cool kids" temporarily if they were doing some fun activity like playing football or rugby. Something at the centre of my being rejected everything about the way the "jocks" acted. They were arrogant, genuinely malicious at times, and wanted to put whoever they could down around them. During my second year of high school I developed a major crush for someone, but I couldn't pursue anything because of my religion. She was really good looking and gave me signals (e.g. She was touching my leg repeatedly with her foot under the table) , but I never did anything. This led to me having great frustration. I ended up question religion as a whole during my adolescence, and I became an atheist at age 13/14. And for the first two years of high school, I had two close friends. These two guys happened to be the two highest academic achievers in all subjects, whilst I only "shined" in maths and science. Despite this, we had many similar interests and fun playing games with each other. They were on my wavelength. After two years, I had drifted away from the cool kids. After two years my loneliness started to grow. When interacting with the vast vast majority of people I felt like an outsider. During my third year of high school, I fell down the dominance hierarchy, quickly spiralling down towards the bottom. During my third year of school, people were put into different classes of "ability". I was separated from my friends for science classes because I never bothered to study. One of the two close friends I had started drifting away to hang out with the girls, and I didn't follow him. I was too awkward and my religion hindered me. Plus the girls he choose to hang out with were unpleasant, gossipy people. I had just one friend left, and I didn't end up seeing him too often. This friend that I had left was Asian and Muslim like me, (unsurprisingly?). My interests were in discussing philisophy, religion, science, psychology, politics and etc but nobody elses were. Whether it was sitting in classes, eating lunch, and walking to classes, I was lonely. Rooms would be full with multiple cliques (nerds, normals, jocks, etc) of people talking loudly, I would be awkwardly at the side. I watched from the sidelines everyone enjoy their life. Hung out with nerds, but didn't really feel connected to them. As high school went on, my loneliness grew and grew. During my 6-7th years of high school my classes became small and I was mostly interacting with nerds all the time. I took only science subjects and maths, and I had my friends in these classes. My curiosity for maths and science really bloomed during these times, and people were shocked at how "intelligent" I was because my grades aren't usually good. I went to a private school filled with people who were very competitive and hardworking academically. I have a circle of 10 "friends" and some of them were envious of me and put me down for my interest in maths. Most of the teachers were unable to answer the questions I asked them, and whenever I tried discussing something I find really interesting in maths/physics with my friends I would get cut off, because they perceived my interest and enthusiasm for the abstract as a form of showing off. If I ever go full loose in showing my train of thought to people, they are sometimes spiteful and look at me as weird. And so I naturally became more and more lonely, as I felt rejected by everyone around me. On a side note, I hate the way information is taught in school, and that demotivated me from learning and growing as much as I could. My question Even now, after moving to university to study physics I haven't met anyone whom I connect with. I've had better conversation with my university professors than I have with my "friends"/acquaintances. What's the best approach for me? Do I have to just face the loneliness head on and keep doing consciousness work? I feel so tempermentally different from everyone around that I just can't connect with anyone. Ive been deprived of human connection for so, so long that the loneliness just hits hard. Must I bite the bullet and go full zen to overcome my own demons?

Like whenever we try to fix ourselves, do work on ourselves, try to make ourselves free from the ego, we only end up hurting ourselves further and making in even more challenging to integrate our whole and enlighten? The intellectual mind that we actively think with being the woman in the video and the ego/our higher self being the alien humanoid? Is the paradox that we need to fully accept the "enemy" and what we're afraid of as part of us?

What is known is there has been a sentient, intelligent guiding force throughout my life. It's made it's intentions clear time and time again, in ways I rarely hear happen with other individuals. You can use whatever word for what that force is that won't ruffle your feathers, but it's been an undeniable part of this existence. Maybe at some level currently beyond my awareness there is a more holistic understanding of reality and what this force is, but it certainly is beyond ego/mind. It's more Intelligent than anything I've ever met, and whether I find out I'm simply a part of that and forgotten, it's God, Source, a Highly intelligent alien species, it doesn't matter. The more I've followed this intuition the further down the spiritual path I've gone and the more the dust settles.