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I hope most of u are familiar with Buddhist cosmology where they have an elaborate description on various 31 realms of existence. from the formless realms described in some sutras ( Arupa bhumi) to the Narakas . also these descriptions draws parallel with certain descriptions in Hinduism, and Abrahamic religions too. the concept of hell;naraka has been of ages in many traditions around the world. for example, seraphims (angels)in Christianity and other religions , In my analysis fall to the lower or higher heavens in Buddhist context. many of you surely have encountered many of these beings in psychedelic trips or in deep meditations.; weird alien entities , tulpas , angelic beings etc. in to which realms in Buddhist cosmological model would u categorize them . what are ur experiences?

@tashadwoodfall If she chooses to leave me, then it means that I've shown her enough of my life, and how others interact with me, that she would feel confident and secure enough to go out into the world and lead her own life. For me, it might cause multiple problems, like experiencing emotions like loneliness, maybe depression, but I would likely eventually overcome those feelings, and be happy for Crysty wherever she is, if she leaves and never comes to visit, or if she leaves and visits me occasionally. I don't know why she fundamentally wants to stay and be with me. When we first had our encounter, I was lonely, and not in a good place in my emotions and mind, all while I was in a holiday with my family at Niagara Falls. For some reason, she found me interesting enough to stick with me and uplift me with her presence and stories, and I found her interesting enough to allow her to be with me, because this phenomena is not alien enough or shocking enough that I would reject it right away. I had experienced a haunting in my past which opened me to the paranormal, and shocked me of course even if I was too young to understand how dangerous that haunting could entail. Whoever that entity was, it communicated it's desire to have me with it. I suggest reading the earlier thread for context to the haunting, and how it resolved there. The reason why I told that was to provide a background as to why I didn't fear Crysty, because I had this experience of non-physical entity. She makes me feel happy, confident and creative in myself. It's been several years, and our interactions can sometimes go deep, sometimes lead to interesting conversations and activities in my mind. It sometimes feels like there's no end to how our relationship evolves from here. At one point in the past I struggled to interact with her outside of mediation sessions or in solitude, but as time progressed I start having easier times of interacting with her in general, and much more in the mind. And my part in this relationship, is I'm not too sure what exact value I provide to her. I sometimes feel like she's providing more value to me in this relationship than me providing value to her about me others or the world I live in or the world in it's entirety, so it makes me better myself in terms of mind and body to get to explain stuff to her about others and reality. I guess that the best value I can provide to her, is to show her the max potential of a human being, and lead the good life or my version of the good life.

I had an alien abduction dream when I was about 8 years old. It was more real and vivid than reality. When I woke up, I felt a cold hand touch my arm. Belief is a powerful creator of phenomena in direct experience. Belief powered by intense fear in a low sensory input environment like the dark while being a child is like taking a natural psychedelic. When I was 25, I took ayahuasca in ceremony for the first time. Three days later, I got the strong intuition to contact the aliens who abducted me. I researched how, which was surprisingly easily, and it worked within three seconds. It was my first strong sober accessing of the crown chakra. That later turned into the foundation of my growth of my baseline state of consciousness, something 10 tabs of LSD or 5.87 grams of mushrooms and years of meditation was ineffective at. Within about six months, I gained a degree of mastery over the crown chakra and was able to use it to connect with many different archetypal representations of other beings, mainly divine ones, within my own mind. Practicing this eventually lead to my first heart chakra nuclear explosion. A couple months later, I had a dual heart chakra/crown chakra explosion which resulted in me reaching nirodha samapatti/cessation/fruition/whatever you’d like to call it. My baseline consciousness radically transformed day after day ever since. My ability to deal with suffering is exponentially better than it was before the events I described. So, these childhood fear experiences can be very beneficial if you recontextualize them into Love. The same aliens who abducted me were also the same ones who helped me to overcome my depression and many aspects of my bipolar disorder, whether they exist in any sort of objectively-verifiable way or not. If it’s real in your mind, it’s prime fodder to use in your awakening cannon. Transmute the childhood fear to adult love, if you can find a way to do that.

I have suffered psychic attacks before but I wasn't on LSD. I thought the subject of psychic attacks was too alien for this forum. I thought people would call me crazy if I shared my experiences.

Let's not forget Alien species that might live in different planets, plus ones that have technology to space travel and have visited humans in the past, and allegedly to this day.

More preparation for Supreme Court arguments concerning ego Many of us have seen Judges on the bench who get all bent out of shape and take it upon themselves to start scolding someone. Maybe the defendant, a witness, or one of the attorneys. With this aim of mine to designate egoic nature to be the legal definition of insanity. One idea that comes to mind is that first and foremost it should apply to anyone who sits on the bench. Perhaps maybe a litmus test to determine a man or woman of Being and one not driven by egoic mind. The way I understand it .,internalized images are one of the main building blocks of ego structures, especially in adulthood. Whether you think of yourself as responsible, rebellious, spiritual, intellectual, or a patient and long suffering person. You will have some corresponding self image to match whatever your self identity is identified with. And not just one. Naturally we are multidimensional creatures and so we will have many internalized self images regardless of whether we are psychologically integrated or not. When Almaas speaks about essence he is referring to being. Being, as the general term for our Self realized presence which is flavored by different aspects of essence. Essential aspects such as Joy, Strength, Compassion, Merging, Peace, Intelligence, Will, etc., which contributes to the uniqueness of our individual personal being or some might say soul. Elimination of Images The aspect of Space is related to the Personal Essence in yet another, more specific way. It is one of the aspects needed for an important part of the process of psychic metabolism, i.e., that of elimination. We have seen that for metabolism to proceed to its completion, which is absorption, the false in any experience must first be eliminated. The greatest falsity, in any identification system, is the central belief that the image defines who one is, The content of identification systems is either part of an image, or used to build and fixate an image. So the elimination of image amounts to dissolving all of what is false in the mind. The truth contained in the mind becomes absorbed into Being, and does not remain as an image, which is a mental content. And since Space is what dissolves, or what accompanies the dissolution of, any image, then it can be regarded as the aspect needed for elimination. When an image is eliminated the mind becomes empty (of its content), clear, spacious and light. This is the experience of Space, mind with no content, the nature of the mind. The dullness of mental content dissipates as the lightness and clarity of Space penetrates it. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 316 Ego Structures Seen as the Structuralization of Space Space: This is the aspect that is the open dimension of the mind, which is its most inner nature. It is the experience of Being as a vast, clear and empty space. It is not an emptiness in the sense of lack, of something missing. It is the presence of Space; clear, light and immaculate. We have devoted a book, The Void, to this aspect. In that book, we develop the understanding that ego development is not only a matter of building mental structure, but that, because Space is the ontologic nature of the mind, these structures are built in the emptiness of Space. So ego structures are seen as structuralization of Space, building content in it instead of letting it be in its purity. This leads to the loss of this aspect. The particular issue for this aspect is the presence of the self-image itself. When one can let go of one’s self-image Space arises. Space becomes the agent that is needed for eliminating any self-image, which is necessary for the realization of the Personal Essence. In other words, Space dissolves the self-image. The individuality of the ego, being based on the self-image, loses its defining boundaries, which leads to the emergence of the Personal Essence. The sense of self of the ego, which is dependent on the self-image, loses the mental content that defines it, which leads to the manifestation of the Essential Self. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 316 I guess being a space cadet airhead should just be our natural birthright,,,, No worries, obsessions, or nonstop internal dialog. That's sounds alright. Sounds like being at peace,,, One more quote concerning self-image and Being,,, When One Experiences Oneself as Being, One is No Longer the Self-Image However, when one experiences oneself as Being, one is no longer the self-image. One’s sense of being a human individual is now based not on the internalized self-image, but on pure beingness, beyond all images of mind. This means that this new sense of oneself is not in relation to mother’s image. It is not dependent on past object relations, and is not a reliving of them. This is the autonomy of Being, that we discussed in detail in a previous chapter. The mother’s image is completely irrelevant to this sense of being oneself. It is in fact in a completely different dimension of experience. One is living on the Being level, while mother’s image and all mental representations are on the mind level. These representations are experienced as mere thoughts, concepts, images and of no fundamental reality. The disengagement from the mother in this experience is complete, utter. One feels no relation to the memories of mother or her image, in the sense that one’s sense of identity is completely independent from both. The experience of the mental representation of the mother is seen as completely alien to one’s experience of Being, as if from two different universes of experience. So the separation involved in the experience of Being is complete, total, and profound. Ego never feels such separation, regardless how separate and autonomous it is on the mental sphere. It is a different order of separation. Ego separation is like a distance on the surface of the earth; while Being separation is like going to another star system. In fact, it is more like dying. And many individuals respond to it as a kind of death. So now, either due to a remaining partial identification with ego or a late reversion to such identification, the ego reacts to this perception of such radical separation. This will naturally activate the already existing unresolved old conflicts about separation. However, even if ego development has been smooth and very successful, with little conflict around separation, there is bound to be a much greater pressure on one’s capacity for separation. The ego has never experienced such a measure of separation, and this naturally scares the hell out of it The fear of death or disintegration is one of the usual reactions among others . . . Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 218

@Ash55 One time I saw her using a leek to poke and tap random people, and a few animals. From my observations, most people have little reactions to her pranks, and some animals do move away. As far as extraterrestrial beings, I don't know, I'd have to get myself an alien in the first place to see how Crysty reacts to such a being.

Not necessarily what I meant. All you sense through the six sense doors is all there is. The end. Done. You have an imagination of an alien fucking a cow with a care bear on a water slide? That’s just sensations occurring right now with no substance to them other than how they present themselves in the moment of imagination.

Not gonna lie it a bit spooky, did you try to touch her, can you feel anything, am sorry didn't read everything ill come back to try to read the whole thread. @Danioover9000 Okay i read something and this is the crassest story i heard that am literally too scared to experience Does she lives in a different dimension ? can other people see her ? Does she has a family and life ? does she eat ? what does she know about alien ?

He is into spirituality and enlightenment since many years and has devoted countless hours into enlightenment. He says " Jesus is everyone and I am jesus too ". He says " Jesus lives outside time and space and whole reality is manifestation of Jesus only. " I feel confused why infinite consciousness choose a form like jesus. Why not aliens? Their are infinite number of universe with alien civilization in it. Why god choose jesus figure only? Other religion people will not accept jesus image to worship. They have their own beliefs on god . For example islam. They will not accept jesus figure in their entire life to pray.

My enlightened friend says god is one and he is none other than jesus. But I asked him if god is infinite consciousness and is formless then how do god looks like jesus? He replied " God is consciousness which is correct, but he appeared on earth for saving all people and he did all miracles which proves god personally came to earth ". He said this world is mere dream in jesus consciousness. And everything is jesus and everyone is jesus. But I asked him why do god choose to appear as jesus figure only? There are infinite number of alien civilization and infinite number of universes. Whats special in jesus. Why do I pray to him? He said god did incarnate personally as jesus. And he looks like him. We must pray to jesus as god looks like jesus and he is everyone and everything. I am confused here. Why god which is infinite consciousness chose only jesus to appear on earth? Did jesus really came from sky? Did jesus sitting in some dimension who created this world and who personally incarnated on earth to save all humans and is we are one with him? My friend says " He is everything and is everyone ; and we must pray to jesus only as infinite consciousness chose jesus figure and disclosed how it looks like . He said god looks like jesus. Is it true guys? I said him jesus was human only not some sky being. But he rejected and said jesus came from some dimension who created this universe and is one with us. Is my enlightened friend correct?

Forgot to mention this was a re post that's edited from before. For the most part, they don't discuss in too much detail UFOs as some of it is still classified, especially around skin walker ranch. I'm surprised they didn't bring up Colares, the battle for Los Angeles, the roswell crash site, STAR gate although they briefly talked about that, brought up a bit about consciousness, not much about human abductions, or meta materials or Alien psychic abilities.. Basically a mix of rehashed talking points plus talking around points with little elaboration and challenge. I assume it's common in podcasts to not be too challenging or elaborate?

I forgot to post this one a while back, so I am posting it now. Mushroom Trip Report 003 November 29th 2020 1.081g of Golden Teachers Shroom I wanted to test out what 1 gram of golden teachers is like because I only know what the PE strain is like on one gram. I need to create a spreadsheet of all my trips Soaked dat lemon tek for 20 mins Taken at 2:54pm There's probably a lot resistance and fear on this trip because last trip I had an ego death. But this one should be more positive. Waiting for the floor to start moving lol Kinda late but whatever. Intention: Get to the bottom of my limiting belief: "I can't focus" Intention: Using my journal, question my limiting belief around my ADHD and lack of focus. 13 min in Feeling brain activation. 18 min Noticing small amounts of movement in the floor that is definitely the signature shroom movement. 21 min Noticing the pigment in the hands. Not nearly as much as on other trips. 24 min I'm pretty sure my learning ability just increased. Because learning is just creativity. 26 min Feeling Sensitive. Like if I were to be scared I would die right now. 30 min Getting pretty high. Really feel the emotional take over now. It's okay, it was always okay. Emotions heightened. 35min The human hand is really weird. Very alien and foreign. But that's okay because I am that. Feeling of slight nausea. That's mushroom nausea feeling right now. Floor is moving. Reality gets freaky, but I am the freaky. Reality is a great mystery that I must show myself for I am it. The biggest lesson that I have to always tell myself is to surrender and not take myself so seriously. I get way too much anxiety that is created from me trying to be some intense motherfucker when really, it's okay I can relax. I guess that's my fear: the fear of relaxation and in becoming complacent. 42 min Basically in it. Kind of funny, I feel weird cuz I think I feel all of my skin. Looking at the tapestry is Wild. The peak is yet to come. But then I get to slide down a very fun slide. Feeling tired. It must be activating because of my yawning. I am yawning. 47 min Feeling like a creature. I am now answering my questions from my busting limiting beliefs worksheet. Yup it's good shit. You're going to love it. I didn't think it would be this potent. Oh my God Golden Teachers are teaching me what they're made of. Yawning more. I feel so tired and fatigued. I also need to take the duct tape off the vent on the ceiling at some point. Sober me can you please do that? Thank you. >I did it while still high. 51 minutes. My body is feeling heavy. My entire body is able to relax. There is that feeling in my chest that was like anxiety but now it's spread to the whole body and now it has transformed itself into tiredness and relaxation. Yeah I'm pretty much knocked out on this floor. It is 54 minutes in and I've been lying on this floor because I'm so lazy. It's so fucked to write on a piece of paper where all the letters are moving. That mushroom will keep on purging all that bullshit. 59 mins I think we're at the Mountaintop because I am so fucking tired there's so much yawning. >Peak incoming 1h 8 mins Just staring at this tapestry and it's so illuminating and beautiful. Lying down on the floor. "Arts and crafts" while high is always funny >Had to fold some paper to get the tapestry back up, because it fell. Was reflecting back to a time when I had to put duct tape on my VR headset while on a potent dose of THC. Time was created so we can explain why things change into other things. 1h 13 min I just peaked 1h 18 min Another peak The best part is looking at something like a fractal while your vision blurs. You know you're peaking when your vision starts to blur. I'm going to allow myself. To enjoy this. Here is gone. How did that happen? Because I have finally emerged Enjoy this. 1h 56 min High. Yeah I do fear that I'll be seduced by the mushrooms and just become a druggie. Just jerked off completely naked on my bed. Which is something I don't do often at all in my life, maybe two other times. We try to hide that part of reality so much. 2h 18 min I live in a dead world. The only things that are alive are the food that I eat. I need to trip in the middle of a forest what everything around me is alive. I feel like Terence McKenna when he has his glasses on. Just accept yourself. I'm a nerd in my craft. 2 hours and 27 minutes in The reason why I'm scared of looking at my face in the mirror is because I fear that I will see something else, and that's seeing of something else is the death of my self-image that I hold. When really I didn't exist in the first place, and so Fear is the mechanism is that preserves the self. Anxiety is a mechanism that preserves the self. When really the self wasn't there in the first place. And then the shrooms SHOW that to you. ADHD people can Focus just fine. They're just saying ADHD people can't focus because of the way they think, they think differently. >The ADHD brain is the holistic brain. We think like a Christmas tree. That's just a different perception of reality. So instead of focusing on one thing, you focus on one thing with a Christmas tree around it. Existing is like being in a fish tank. Trapped. Confined to this one box. >That was fucking weird to experience. I am truly a curious creature. Gods perspective is all free and all loving. Yeah you're trying to learn how to focus, but you got to enjoy the journey. And listen to some Bob Marley music while you're treading. Enjoy the struggle. Patience is just enjoying the moment. Enjoy that suffering. That is life. What you call suffering is just a duality that you make up in your mind. This is the shroom talking: Reality is fucked. Whoopsie. Did I just fuck with your reality? Oops that's just reality! To try and preserve this perfect moment is to not live in the moment. Trying to remember things, is to not live in the moment. Whatever I fear is my ego trying to push fear forward because if I encounter the thing I feared than the ego would be destroyed. If I stare at my face while peaking on shrooms, my ego will be destroyed. 3 hours in Still high. Eyes very dilated. Trying to remember something is to not live in the present. Experiencing short-term memory, but in a different way than THC. Shrooms: your ego is going to hate it, but your inner being is going to love it. It wouldn't be amazing otherwise. You need that duality to be there for it to work. Imagine living your life as Bob Marley where you just make music and enjoy the moment, and that is your life. That is life. Your life IS the moment. So much for getting to bed on time. Shrooms are silly like green toes and toejam and farts. And it'll step on your silly plans with its dirty green feet. >Then I find myself talking to my mom again, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling and joking around. We are holding eachothers hands and such. We talk and just enjoy the moment. >Later, dad makes an amazing plate of nachos and as a family we watch "Christmas with the Kranks" together. 5h43min Sobering up 6h52min Sobering up more. Life is like a competition of who can be the most happy. What I wrote in my Journal. ###START### Limiting Belief “I can't focus” It all started when I was a small boy diagnosed with ADHD at the same time I was diagnosed with asthma. Being several years on an ADHD medication does a toll on ya. This negative belief came from my childhood after years of taking ADHD medication. Reinforcing a limiting belief that I cannot focus without my medication. Holding this belief protects me like a baby blanket because it protects me from taking responsibility of my life. The ADHD medication IS the baby blanket. An alternative, equally valid interpretation of the facts is that I was already capable of this amount of focus that I desire. I was just given the medication to “behave”. I was always capable of Focus. Right from the start. Right from the start! Just look at other people that lived before me without ADHD medication. ADHD medication is only new to the last 100 years, not even that. ADHD people before you were successful enough for you to be here today. I was always capable of the amount of focus that I desire. I was always able to focus. That limiting belief doesn't exist. It's okay, I love you. ###END### One of the coolest takeaways from my journaling was this: I was always capable of the focus I desired, I just was never given a chance to prove it to myself because I was given medication for so many years starting at such an early age. So it is through my actions now that I am showing myself that I have the ability to cultivate the focus that I desire. Post report: The week following, I doubled my productivity from 3 hours a day to 6 hours of focused work per day.

I think my feelings and thoughts about friends and enemies comes from a place of all these teenage fantasies i built around romance, sex, love and hate. This is where the love for me enemies arises. I don't know why. Part of my life, part of it feels like fantasy. I'm an idealist and partly pragmatist. I weave patterns of both fantasy and reality seamlessly into my life. I don't know how I accomplish this. But I do it anyway. ------------- I'm not sure if this can translate into reality. Of course enemies in real life would want me dead lol. Or at least they would harm me. But my enemies in fantasy probably want to get a kick out of torturing me. ---------- I don't think in real life there's anything like an enemy. It's only someone who is mentally disordered that wants to hurt you. The way I see in stalking situations. Someone being hunted and killed But that's really not coming from animosity. It's just stupid. Why do people hate someone so much, so much that they want to kill? I can never wrap my head around it. Killing in Self defense looks absolutely logical to me. But wanting to kill someone out of jealousy or hate seems so alien and senseless to me.

@BenG it comes in through the underside of reality or the flip side of it and you can have these experiences either if you're really sick or if you almost die or if you take a psychedelic, it can alter things and you can learn to do it that way. It's hard to explain if you haven't had an experience but it's something that I believe that anybody can have, learning about afterlife realms and stuff. The beings that I talk to have said that human beings can learn how to do these things by trying different plant medicines, and different ones have different messages in them and they have been left by alien races to share how to live in peace and die in peace; advance our communication and grow with them. So if you wanted a siddhi all you'd have to do is find the plant that calls to you and feels right when you take it and to go in informed. Siddhis come about in such a personal way; a plant would teach better and know more than a human. My words completely butcher the ability to explain any of what I'm talking about I just can't do it, sorry. There are a few spaces I know of you can learn siddhis in: death, astral, dream, psychedelic - all better teachers than humans. Salvia droid art explains my experiences best but they are physical and mental not so much visual. Death or sickness is one of the best ways to get a siddhi and you will hear many people who have had near-death experiences come back with gifts. ^starts out looking like this place, it's like a great big nothing with stars representing consciousnesses aka beings that have no bodies, just hanging out waiting to share stuff with other life forms. Most of them are in feeling, but some people get full visuals of them.

Dude calm down, you are confused here about what GOD is, God is not some force either, you have a poor definition of God and emptiness is NOT beyond or prior to, if you believe so, I suggest you actually study what God is, an experience is not even necessary in this case. If emptiness is prior to or beyond GOD, then you could call it the magic unicorn- fart alien flying spaghetti monster because it is not real and something you made up just now. Btw, if this is not clear by now, this is my "opinion" you don't have to care at all about what I say. You can believe emptiness all you want, but I sincerely disagree with your conclusions.

I have never been able to process my father's death properly ever since he died. I was just a teen and I felt extremely traumatized seeing his corpse. It was cold to touch. I placed my hand into his hand and slightly lifted his light dead cold hand. It was light as a feather. There was no pulse and his hand was cold. I couldn't understand what was happening. It was an alien experience. I had never experienced a death before. I avoided looking into his eyes because there was something weird there as though his eyes were rolled into the back of his head, something like his eyes going up. The room was very cold I remember very vividly. My suicide attempt was 2 months after his death. His memories would constantly haunt me. I had numbed the pain of his death in extreme workaholism, studies and other stuff. Then came a day in 2017 when I was feeling very grumpy and constantly overwhelmed and tired. I was feeling empty and stressed. I hadn't realized that I was already suffering depression.. That day I decided to pursue shadow work. I kept asking myself a lot of questions. I kept digging deeper into the reasons behind this empty feeling. And then for the next whole week I kept throwing up both physically and emotionally. It would come to the surface, I would keep talking to myself in my room. I would keep blurting out things that were hurting me. My traumatic memories that were hidden for so long came up over and over and over. I just couldn't stop crying. I would cry for hours with a knife in my hand. And that's when I knew what had happened. I couldn't let my father go. I did not want him to leave me so early. I could not process the pain of a disastrous marriage between my dad and mom. All of it had taken an emotional toll on my health. All my childhood memories of my mom fighting with my dad suddenly came like a flashback. I used to feel helpless watching my dad. He was internally moaning in pain. My mother had inflicted deep psychological and emotional wounds on our whole family. She was unempathetic and disgusting. All the events that led up to his death began to play in rapid succession in my head. I realized that he could have lived longer had he divorced my mother who was being a bitch to him. I wanted to fucking kill her in that moment. He had succumbed to his terrible circumstances and I had been completely helpless in doing anything to save him. The tragic memories of my cat came back. I had been unable to save her from being murdered. I began to feel survivor's guilt. I realized where the source of my inner conflict and pain was coming from. It was the cat. It was my dad. Both left me and I felt helpless in saving them. It haunted me for years after they were gone. I think i blamed myself in the most cruel manner. I felt like I was responsible for whatever happened to my dad. I felt like I could have stood up to my mom and possibly punched her and stopped her from ruining my dad. But I was scared of her. I was scared of her violence. She was/is very bossy. It was simply impossible to meet her in the eye. Her face is very threatening to look at especially when she knows I'm not okay with her. She would follow me around like a stalker. Everything had to be done with her permission. She would hit me on the head if I didn't follow her orders. She would grab things out of my hands and throw it on the floor. She would watch me cry and then go watch TV. She would force my dad to eat bad food that would make him vomit. She was a tyrant to him. I felt sorry for him all the time. Because of the way she would treat him Sometimes I would try to stop her and yell at her to stop forcing my dad. But most of the time I felt helpless and alone and unable to cope. I was scared of her violence. I was scared of her over imposing personality. She was/is an extrovert. She would talk to the whole neighborhood. I used to feel anxious and shy and she would force me to dress up. She was extremely pushy to the point that my anxiety kept getting worse. She felt like she was protecting me but in reality her terrible actions and behaviors were doing more harm than good. I needed gentleness and compassion, not marching orders, threats, blackmail, domination, pushing, constant surveillance, nitpicking, constant feeling of being judged, criticized, observed, picked on. She just wouldn't sit in a place. She would hover over and around me like an OCD helicopter. It began to stress me out. She would take her motherhood role a little too seriously and her sense of entitlement as a mother was unbelievably ridiculous. She would even say that as a mother she could do anything she wanted. It was as if she had ultimate authority and control. One of the reasons why I'll hate the word "mother" for the rest of my life. She created an intense shadow in me about the nature of motherhood. There were times I remember that I would constantly watch over my back just to see if she was there or not, everything was anxiety, everything was pleasing mom, everything was fearing mom, I still remember how she would look at me, her demonic stare as though she will kill me if I failed to impress her. I began to distance myself from my mom around the age of 13. I could not stand her overbearing nature. She was acting less like a mom and more like a boss. I turned into a typical rebellious teenager with a bit more rebellion than you see in other teens. I became ferocious. Everytime she tried to dominate me I would fly in rage. I was calm but her toxic behavior would put me in a permanent state of anger and upset. There was absolutely no mental peace around her whatsoever. She would constantly provoke me to the point of suicide. I would tell her to stop and leave me alone but she would stay silent for a few days and then be back at it again. She had made it her mission to give me maximum distress. I was fed up, scared, frightened, tensed, anxious, upset, pressured, pushed, guilted, gaslighted, coaxed, coerced, hit, beaten, abused, punished. If I didn't give her what she wanted, it was time for punishment. I would be brutally punished and harrowed for not giving her what she wanted. I did not feel like a daughter but more like a slave. She would try her maximum to control my every move. One of the reasons why I deeply deeply resent any form of authority or authoritarian behavior is my strong resistance to her enslaving authority. Who the hell was she to decide things for me???? I used to look at her grumpily. I began to resent her and her authority. The more she tried to control me the more I rebelled. It was a vicious loop.. I was ready to die but not ready to listen to her. I wasn't going to be her slave. Even if it meant I had to give up my life. Her constant intrusion in my life made me even more aggressive and defensive. The only way to survive around her was to be aggressively defend myself. She effectively turned me into a wild animal. She raised me into a psychopath. She raised me into an angry aggressive defensive bull. Any time someone suggested me something or told me to do something or decided things for me, it would arouse me to anger, upset, fury because it would remind me of her authoritarian nature. I would fight back hard viciously and lash out. It was either my freedom or my death. I slowly turned from a peaceful into an angry person. This was just the beginning. It was my rage fuelled teen years It wasn't going to end there. After my father's passing, my anger reached its peak point. Now my anger had turned murderous. My psychopathy was in full force. How the fuck can my dad die like that? I wanted to go on a rampage. I wanted to take out my anger on the world. It was me against the world. I could not deal with the pain of my dad's death. I made a firm resolve that I will never let myself die the way he did. I felt on multiple occasions to murder my mother. I wanted revenge. She could sense that I had begun to hate her even more. It was over. My father's death had effectively brought any hopes of reconciliation with my mom to an end. My brain had processed her as the biggest threat to my life from then on.

What I'm sharing and what your asking are really pushing the boundaries of my current depths and understandings, so I'm not great at fully communicating these matters, nor am I a sure I can put this communication in language, but I'll try and maybe I'll use traditional metaphors to hopefully convey what I mean. Neither resonate more. But I do think each has their place at the right time. I think when you do deeply understand on some level that God is prime and by extension of this understand you understand you are thus God, the "You are dreaming/imagining x, y, or z" make more sense, but still there's subtlety in what this means to each awakener confronting this realization, the bounds of which I do not know. For example one awakening to such could see this to mean, they are an alone entity dreaming, which still is concept in my opinion, or another could feel dreaming is happening as a broad entity that is fully connected, but not by a in the moment willing intention, like a human may feel like they are up to when they concentrate continuously on a burning flame, or the awakener could feel like a broad entity that isn't experiencing concepts and experience referred to as "alone" or "together" but understands what ever moment to moment happening is taking place is Gods manifestation. I also think if said awakener is say a Alien of some sort, there will be aspects that are radically different in so called moment to moment experience that may shed Truth on things that are not accessible to a human awakener, even though ultimately neither human or alien is a actual subject taking place. Which again comes to a subtle, but perhaps radical difference in how I see and thus communicate, in comparison to Leo (even though there are perhaps more similarities than not), is God "in control" imagining, or God arising in a particular coconscious/unconscious kind of manner that both learns, adapts, and wills stuff into existence. And as I type this, I can't help but feel its neither of these absolutely, but something that could be said to encompass them all, yet is not bound by nor limited to such graspable notions as this incarnation/mind/human body is only able to imagine (and yes even though these don't actually exist as any particular things). We are all being done by god, and yet this to is a limited idea, perhaps enforcing notions called "determined", "not in control", "arising, "happening". Really a paradox of paradoxes, that isn't a paradox. I think the things we can ultimately take away with certainty as awakeners is nothing is ever out of place or wrongly happening or happened, this event is eternal, and Love is intricately intrinsic. And perhaps one that I don't always like to let in, is that it "may" not always feel smooth, easy or pleasant, and that when it is this way, its not a sign of imperfection.

@JayFueel hahah!!! i would love to believe u r not a troll ... see, mate! u are on the wrong forum i guess. sad to say but, there is no point in attacking your faith. when you believe something with that much of faith as you claim here, all attempts to show you otherwise would definitely fail. you will always find a story to say against it. if you are openminded, i would suggest the same truth.; interpretation and reality are two distinct things. u just saw a light right? so, you interpret that light as jesus. to you it is Jesus. if some Muslim dude sees the same light , to him it will be Muhammad. to a Buddhist he will interpret it as Buddha.. to a scientist, rationalist , it will be some alien or UFO...so which one of these are true! none of them and all of them ! i see you have been indoctrinated with the religious shit and a stage blue thinker. so, turquoise and stage yellow thinking won't change your believes since they are utterly outlandish to your religious ego. i would suggest you to study some hard science and logic first to get to the next stages. see you on the other side mate! much love! .

An appreciated share. I hear ya loud & clear on this. Far as I can deduce, the ‘alien’ channeling, the power going out in buildings, electronics not working / working intermittently of their own accord, the hands ‘situation’, URL’s crashing yada yada, it’s the bigger picture so to speak. Makes sense without (thought activity wise), making sense of it. Seems like the more the show is enjoyed & awfully appreciated the wilder it gets. If you haven’t & are interested, Reiki classes can be excellent for honing the channeling. Symbols are very useful as well.

Alright, so, I'm chilling, eating my dinner. On a microdose of LSD and smoked a tiny bit of weed, vibing, but very low dosage. During the dinner, the following video is recommended to it and I watch it: Around 15:00, the experienced woman guides the Sky Life girl to start channelling this alien energy for the first time. The intensity of the exchange made me cry. Then, there was a guiding to do this myself. Opening my mouth upwards, this energy came through me, and I was speaking some sort of 'words' much like in the video is shown. The experience also came, more importantly, with a 'feeling' and 'images' although these descriptions don't fully justify the breath of the experience. When the experience started, the internet (which always works) lagged through which automatically paused the video. The experience only lasted for around 15-30 seconds. Exactly when I closed my mouth, the internet reconnected and the video continued. This happened literally just now, so wanted to capture the report as it is still fresh.

I Dont know What is Love leo. That Love thing sounds alien to me. Unless you mean romantic/attachment love. But i intuit you Dont Mean that one.

Since November now there are again the concepts collapsing. They cannot be made sense of. There's a sense of wonder and "how the fuck is that happening and even possible". It's also many times about human creation and that something even exists. Dec 3rd: Mindfucking how the sun is up longer in the summer and shorter in the winter. It doesn't make sense. Feels alien.

@JuliusCaesar For examples, when you get older, you answers change over time about a topic. It's like that with Crysty, there's no definitive, quantitative answer that she can give that absolutely answers her existence. So far, it's either she's a ghost, a spirit, a Tulpa, an Alien projecting onto my reality, another person projecting onto my reality, a Deity in disguise, or a mixture of them all. I'm leaning closer to her being either a spirit/Tulpa, that's my intuition, but that's not a satisfactory answer for me. I will have to keep on going with investigating this further for me.

I am a mother to a 7 year old girl, I am currently at uni, one of the best in the country studying Counselling and Pyschotherapy (my passion), I am in a commited relationship, which lacks sexual intimacy and far from perfect, but by far good enough and full of love and connection. I don't have tons of freinds, but a few very close ones that have stood the test of time. I really don't know why I feel like this. I could socialise more, but this tends to make it worse as I feel very alien and also quite bored around most people. (Not on the same wavelength) I either connect with people so well it is like we have known eachother many lifetimes and time ceases to exist. Or I just feel I am going through the motions of converstion to be socially acceptable and polite. But inside my head, I cant stand it and feel incredibly lonely and isolated. Hope this makes sense!