Lyubov

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  1. I was not there so I'm not going to say I know everything, nor I know what OP or the woman is like. This is just what I sense from reading this and it could be off to some or even a large degree. Basically I have an idea of what happened cause I'm pretty sure I did just this several years ago only our connection wasn't through spiritual stage green stuff. OP, you weren't as fully into this experience (as present) as you could of been and your communication and finesse needs work. When you sleep with a woman, she stays fucking over at your house and you cuddle after till you both fall asleep. Period. End of discussion unless she wants to go herself. You should be thinking about her needs after she gives her body to you. Women need care after a good fuck. Why on earth would you send her home? I understand it can be uncomfortable to sleep next to a new person if you aren't used to it. I basically play on my phone after I cuddle my gf to sleep cause I know it's gonna be a while till I can fall asleep. Either way, you go a night without sleep if you have to or get a bigger bed lol. Took me months of building up to the point where I can leave my gf after fucking her brains out at night and that took a long time to work up to. You just come off sounding unromantic and kinda selfish. You need to read the room better. All this spiritual mumbo jumbo talk just sorta becomes a facade when it's used to dress up a ONS and dating. I get it, you have it in common but you really have to walk the walk and be extra careful if you are gonna dive into this with someone you just met AND be working towards fulfilling your own sexual/relationship needs. This is one of the reasons I can't stand new age chicks tbh. I don't think you had bad intentions or were incredibly selfish. It just sounds like you need more presence, and how to communicate more and how to follow through with care after sex. Work on being more romantic. Old fashion sensibilities on this might actually serve you more than you realize to learn how not to make mistakes like this again.
  2. Do they though? When we say "lose" do we mean a decline in the quality and accessibility of their healthcare?
  3. Women are not punishing men for this. If a man wants a fuck he can learn to communicate clearly he wants a fuck and find women that are on the same page. It makes perfect sense why they would be protecting their heart if they started opening it a bit to a guy that was asking for it and then he switches things up and goes the player route the moment he gets her alone. The only time I've had women bail on me after a first date where it got kinda sexual but didn't go all the way was when I was first starting out on my journey to pick up women and there was a lot of incongruences in my personality. When that sort of raw sexual energy harmoniously dances with the lover side and you've developed a keen enough sense of communication and social skills it's just becomes kinda seamless and you tend to end up less in situations like this that you get bailed on, even if it doesn't go all the way. sometimes you gotta just realize some stuff is out of your control though and she may be dealing with her own stuff.
  4. There is no one post I can make that can cover every facet or dimension of it. You have to do the hard work first, a large majority of it is inner work, restructuring/changing your beliefs, healing your emotions and harnessing the masculine energy within you. The second aspect is less important but still makes up a necessary part of the whole, learning the language of women. How to communicate with them what you want and understand how they communicate back, social skills so to speak and ways of communicating your truth and desires. Most PUAs over focus on this. I would say this aspect actually sort of fills itself in with just experience and going out to see women but you are gonna miss a ton of lessons if you aren't doing the first because all your emotional issues, lack of body awareness, etc will be getting in the way. you have to be putting yourself out there and more importantly working on the beliefs/emotions that are holding you back, quite literally holding energy in your body back that women want from you. A lesser talked about aspect here as well is sex. You have to become a sex god. You may not have the opportunity yet to improve in this domain but you need to become incredible in bed. The experience you get from this is more advanced but it's basically the next stage beyond a lot of stuff talked about here. The lessons and energy you get from this will permeate through your body and soul and women will absolutely sense this. It's often over looked here cause a lot of guys are still just learning to walk (talk or get a date with a women in a bar or in class or work or wherever).
  5. a lot of guys are still constricting themselves to a model that they think makes them attractive to women but it's keeping them from reaching the next level with women. my gf could of lost attraction in me for crying but that is precisely why it's a risk worth taking for reaching a new level. each time around a man makes himself slightly more vulnerable and potentially sets himself up for rejection. a very shallow version of it would be talking to a woman at a bar, it's really nothing compared to taking really big leaps in a relationship, crying, and opening up. many men can barely handle the rejection of just talking to a woman. it's one of the reason so many people have very shallow relationships. the men reach their limits and are afraid to take a risk to go beyond them. it's true bravery to put it on the line and risk it for a deeper connection.
  6. I've had several experiences from both sides and I've noticed the sex is so much better from the sort of "boyfriend/lover/passionate" frame than the quick sort of "I don't give a fuck about you, just give me a fuck" frame. Far more emotions involved in the first so it just heightens the experience tenfold and sex afterwards is usually much better. There really is little opportunity to getting good in bed if you aren't going to take some time diving into and mastering the experiences presented in the relationships in the first frame. I would say the second frame oddly gets easier to transition to at later times if one is wanting to take a break from the first. It's counter intuitive how many guys try to master the second frame when it's the first one they need to really dive into to get good at the second, usually as a byproduct. I've noticed girls will stick around much longer even if it just stays a sort of FWB situation if you are willing to put your heart in it some. With the later I've even found myself losing interest in girls that are otherwise quite attractive and good for some fun, but there is little feeling behind it so it's more just like scratching an itch.
  7. are you exceptionally physically beautiful? onlyfans? chaturbate? webcam model? I think that's about it
  8. having been with women on this level, I can tell you it is important but not nearly as special as you think. it kind of becomes the new norm and then you are left wanting deep connection still. it's to be chased after and exhausted but if your dating life solely becomes about dating someone hotter each time you will make very little progression. in fact you can pierce through what society has told you about these women and see half of the reason why you want them so badly is because of the status it makes you feel, not because they actually look the way they do.
  9. My girlfriend and I went to techno party/rave the first time we met. We had amazing conversation and connected instantly. She came back to my place that morning to cuddle but she didn't want to have sex. She just had laser hair removal lol so she firstly was self conscious about down there. We basically dry humped in nothing but undies and did stuff with our hands and she orgasm'd a bunch but she didn't wanna take her panties off and do the full deed. That was fine with me cause what we did was still pretty graphic and we ended up doing it next weekend. Several months later I was feeling a little jealous like "why did she not just give it to me that night, was I not good enough for it?" and she basically told me she was absolutely head over heels for me the night we met and was terrified if she gave it all out that night she would of felt super easy and hurt if I didn't call her back or lost interest in her a week or two later. So sometimes you can be so amazing to a girl that it's good to just introduce sex over the course of a week rather than all in the first night cause she may be afraid of feeling used.
  10. well, I just had tonight with her probably the most passionate and amazing sex we have had to date so I would say maybe this was just a sort of strange thing for her to process and we are closer than ever now. but we talked about it and got through it even stronger. I've learned from this that it is possible to cry in front of a woman but you also have to sort of follow through with leadership, passion, strength, own the crying, make her feel safe when showing these expressions. Think of a noble man crying while giving a moving speech, controlled, honest and vulnerable vs an out of control child throwing a tantrum. Don't leave her hanging. Setting aside insecurities and just communicating how crying is natural in men given certain situations, etc. If she trusts you and cares about you she will be open to learning about male vulnerability and expanding her beliefs if handled with wisdom and leadership both strong and subtle. I agree. some people are overly controlling of trying to seem attractive in hopes it will keep the passion alive when there is actually an abundance of it if one owns these parts. it's a very important threshold people have to pass through to really connect on a very deep level. and I'm not sure if this process ever ends if passion is to be kept alive. it's scary because in a way one could be rejected for being vulnerable so it's a risk, a much deeper version of approaching so to speak. you're just making yourself vulnerable but to the depth of an ocean of one's heart where as talking to a stranger at a club is basically nothing, it's surface level shit.
  11. We have been spending a lot of time together so I have been focusing more now on recharging this masculine energy in myself. I'm going to start prioritizing this more. Thanks! Yeah I see what you are saying. I've found more balance within myself since this and have released a lot. I think I've learned a lot from this and will prioritize more having this self care and balance within me. Yeah, I did own it and I think I expanded her mind and her views as well. She was really receptive and is now being very sweet and feminine after our talk. I did just this actually after this event and the next morning We had extremely passionate make up sex. I see how important that is. Overall I think I handled it well and I think she came back to it this way in our second conversation because she was still processing the experience and some of the fear she felt from it was still there. I'm going to start prioritizing more making sure she feels emotionally safe with me. I agree with you. I'm not going to try and "change" myself to fit her traumas but rather display and communicate what I know is healthy and a true masculine way of being emotional. I think I handled it well. I think it just needed more handling which I did a great job at as well. I think going forward I can prioritize making her feel more emotionally safe when emotional stuff like this happens between us. That's the one thing I think I could improve on so to speak. It's fine to be emotional and vulnerable but I can also still hold space at the same time for my masculine and make her feel more protected when we go through these situations.
  12. I see your point more broadly now. I just got dismissive cause PUA is very reductionistic and basically everything most PUAs teach is super surface level, they have actually very little experience besides maybe getting a number or having sex with a girl after a date or two. God knows most of them can't keep a chick around after a few fucks to save their life cause they haven't gone deep enough. Most are far from being anywhere close to a true Casanova. I wouldn't really consider David Deida a PUA or even put him on their level. So I just got dismissive when this word was brought up but I see what you are broadly saying now. I think there may be some elements of a "shit test" (stupid term) in this situation, maybe, but either way if there was I passed it with flying colors after the conversation I just had with her also good point on intimacy, I think relationships are largely about the separation and the oneness and the dance between being away from this intimacy, the barriers that arise, and then breaking through them to come back to it again, growing each time.
  13. No, but they do have various strengths that serve them in ways socially that men have to put more effort into developing. In a way men have strengths that benefit them in different ways that women also have to put more effort into cultivating.
  14. Thanks! Very wise words. The thing about my girlfriend is that she is actually very inquisitive and working on growing herself. Our relationship is extremely healing for the both of us. I've touched her deeply and even though we have been through a ton I always find the words to and a way to be strong and lead us to another level. I would say my girlfriend is actually quite supportive and is learning how to support positive behaviors in men (I'm teaching her and she deeply trusts me). Just what happened this weekend was the most powerful experience we both have been through to date and in her words the most powerful release she has felt in years so she is still processing it and actually gave me an incredibly sweet comment about how I've helped her more through this relationship than anyone she's been with. We just got done talking about it and have found some great understanding between us so I look forward to what life throws at us next now and what new layer is uncovered